Trying to get in the fastlane while my wife rides the slowlane

[JEdwards]

You just need to realize it is not her thing and keep your ideas to your online fastlane friends.

I for the most part never talk business at home.. Great day - Bad day, same thing. My wife doesn't get it either.

 

[ErrandRunnerUSA]

She enjoys the comfort of a secure income from a job. I can't talk to her about the ideas I have in my mind, she humours me but doesn't show the support I wish she did.

Oh geez, I almost forgot something crucial!!! Tell her what supporting looks like. Example, "Honey, you're support means everything to me. Do you feel like this is something you can support me on?"

Wait for her reply.

If no, you need to tell her how you feel at that exact moment. How does her no make you feel?

If yes: "May I tell you how you can support me and what it looks like?"

Wait for her response.

"Supporting me would look like you listening to my business idea without calling me a dreamer." Or,"I would feel supported if you hugged me and whispered 'I believe in you' in my ear after I talked about my business plans."

Check out Alison Armstrong's website if you need further help.

 

[TK1]

[video]http://www.youtube.com/embed/cUW7GvCJPsA[/video]



PS: The problem is NOT that we don't get support at all, it's always the matter that we look for support for a certain thing especially in the wrong people.

Think about this. Basically this is very emotional weak behaviour.

When you want to start a web business and get rich, why look for support and talk about this with your girlfriend?

When you know you get support by thousands if not million like-minded people all over the world?

Why do most people want to talk about football with their spouse, or mother? All emotional, not logical behaviour.

We should take every person that loves us as what it is and learn to love without the need of sharing everything and trying them to be interested in every thing we're interested. And of course we need the people around us that understand this and don't try to make us be interested in everything they are when we're just not, because everyone has different interests.

The solution is not to try to change somebody and it's not to argue with them, get divorced or don't call your mother anymore.

Know LOGICALLY where to look for like-minded people and they will support and understand your specific interest way more than those that just do it for emotional pressure 'because i love you, i try to act as if...'

 

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[ErrandRunnerUSA]

I had a discussion about this with my business partner the other day. Two of my business partners are single and finding a fastlane minded chick at their age might be rare--hopefully I'm wrong!!! This is a tough subject. I am lucky because my fiancee and I are a team. We are creating Errand Runner USA together with two of our friends; usually not a good idea to have a business with friends, but I emphasize having a clear communication at all times.

I have studied psychology for years and read/educated myself on the differences between sexes. I could be wrong, but I believe a partner should be supportive of their spouse (in your case). What is wrong with wanting more and being the best you you can be? Why not reach for the stars?

The best piece of advice I can give you (if you haven't tried this already) talk to her about how important this is for you. Say something like, "Honey, I need you to listen to me and not interrupt me. I will let you know when I am done talking. I love you very much. I know you think I am crazy for trying to start my own business, but I really need your support. You may not believe in my business but I need you to believe in me. I love the way things are now, but I feel I can be a better man if I start my own business." Use your feelings when you talk to your wife--not opinions or logic, FEELINGS!!!!

Women relate to feelings more than opinions or logic.
Men relate more to logic or opinions than feelings.

The point is: speak from your heart and tell your wife the truth. If you feel belittled or hurt by her actions, tell her. Do not be afraid to tell her you're true feelings! Don't be afraid to be vulnerable in front of her. She is your wife/your partner.

I hope this helps! Good luck!!!

 

[PatrickP]

My wife rides in the NO lane

She does not like to work. I on the other hand love it. It works for us.

So I work and she doesn't. She was an atty in her home country and was very successful and well off but the degree/license is worth nothing here in the USA.

Just think all the ladies out there you missed out on a guy willing to bring home the bacon and you can stay home if you like and you don't even have to take care of any children lol

 

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[The-J]

does someone have a man crush?

I've always fancied older men. LOLOL

 

[jon.a]

My first wife and I had this problem also.
That is exactly why she's now my first wife.
I found some that shares my motivation and drive, if fact I have to keep up with her now.
My ex found someone that shares hers.

 

[ChickenHawk]

Yup, I can relate to this, alright. My husband is wonderful, funny, interesting, etc., but I can see his eyes glaze over when I start talking about passive income or my current wealth-generation idea. But to be fair, I probably give him the same look when he talks about elk-hunting.
All I can say is, "Thank goodness for this forum!"

@ChickenHawk did this change?

Ah, a most-excellent question...Oh yeah. Definitely! He shows quite a bit of interest in my projects these days. In fact, the difference is pretty stark. It's not that he was technically unsupportive before, but his interest level was mildly polite at best. These days, he'll gladly help me solve a tricky plot issue, do whatever to free up more writing time for me, and just be a great cheerleader along the way. It's amazing what a little success can do!

But all that aside, he will never have the Fastlane mindset for himself, meaning that if I fell off the face of the Earth tomorrow, he would never pursue a fastlane path for himself personally. For whatever reason, he's just not wired that way. And maybe that's a good thing. He's warm and funny and a lot more relaxed than I'm ever capable of being. Probably, the balance is good for our family, because I tend toward the workaholic side. (He does work very hard. He's an electrical contractor and spends lots of time in hot attics, dirty crawlspaces, etc. But as far as that real entrepreneurial passion, that's just not him.)

Thinking out loud, maybe a Fastlaner/Slowlaner blend isn't all a bad thing, as long as the Slowlaner doesn't actually stop you from pursuing your ideas. Definitely food for thought...

 

[ChickenHawk]

Yup, I can relate to this, alright. My husband is wonderful, funny, interesting, etc., but I can see his eyes glaze over when I start talking about passive income or my current wealth-generation idea. But to be fair, I probably give him the same look when he talks about elk-hunting.

All I can say is, "Thank goodness for this forum!"

 

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[Eskil]

Lol yeah I think many of us can relate to this situation. My wife has actually been fairly supportive over the years, but there have been times where we had hardships and she just wanted me go give up the entrepreneur mentality and get a "real job".

It comes down to the fundamentals of instant vs. delayed gratification, plus the fear of "instability".

 

[ErrandRunnerUSA]

Hi TK,

I do not agree with the you-tube video completely.

Men and women experience so much miscommunication because we are so different. We think differently, behave differently, and are raised differently. "I just don't get home until midnight and I work on weekends too. I work every day and she said to me a week ago that if I don't change this, if I don't put more balance into my life, she's gonna leave."--around 50 seconds in the video. She wants more of his time and FEELS neglected.

This would have been a great time to negotiate. Ask her, "what would a balanced life look like?" "How many hours do I need to spend with you in order to make you FEEL SPECIAL." Wait for her answer and then tell her if you are willing to supply that or not. The guy should not have initiated a relationship if he wasn't willing to dedicate some time. He wasted his and her time; time is extremely precious to women. We can't have babies up to a certain age (biological clock). Guys can have kids anytime; guys do not have a biological clock ticking (a countdown). If a woman doesn't feel special or appreciated, she's gone.

If you are fighting so hard to create a business, why not fight for love? Why not reach for the stars and have it all? I promise you you can. Like business, relationships take research/education, trial & error, time, and effort.

I agree with what you said TK. I do not agree with the video.

 

[Issac]

It's like starting a new chapter in life, but alone. Maybe we found the right forum to belong to? I telll you what though, I would much rather have the support and motivation from the one person I'm spending the rest of my life with, than this community. Oh well, I'll take what I can get. No offense Fastlane brothers and sisters. If this is just the beginning for me, how lonely will it be at the top?

 

[Nadia]

I dated drones in my late teens, even up to early 20's.

One guy, an lawyer ex of mine, a workaholic---made me feel SO BAD for not holding down a proper job and being a slave to someone else. At 21, it was hard because I genuinely loved him and didn't realise it was emotional abuse.

You cannot pull someone into the Fastlane Mindset, however you keep doing what you are doing and someone smart enough will take interest. My boyfriend works for someone else and before he met me, he said it wasn't even an option to work for someone else. It was like a one day situation. But after meeting me, and seeing me run my business, the cogs in his head started turning.

I don't discuss flat out business with him as I would here, as he isn't of that mentality it and I don't know if he ever will be, so I learned to appreciate him as he is AS LONG as he supports me wholeheartedly, that he can be asleep at 3 am and I am awake, planning my client calls for the next morning. He sometimes thinks I work like a maniac (only SL people think this), and yet I am never the one waking up to an alarm...

The hardest bit is having a partner not support you. It is OKAY if they don't run the same course as you but no support ?

Nada.

 

[XavierYZ]

a little recap of whats going on with me, I have heating and cooling franchise that I consider to be a slowlane venture. I am putting alot of time and effort into this venture, and its been a struggle to profit from. Its a job that barely pays, I want to move into the fast lane. I am in too deep with this business and feel I have to continue in order to dig myself out.

I want to start something on the side so that I can someday get rid of my heating business. I have been doing it 3 years and beside doing 400K in yearly sales, I am the last to get paid. Royality fees are not killing me, but they are not helping either

I've have learned alot since buying a franchise, but I wouldn't do it again.

I am constantly trying to educate myself through books and online research to better myself so that I can find something I can eventually turn my focus too

I try to share with my wife the vision I have for our future, passive income, free to live anywhere, debt free, and free from the 9-5.


She doesn't have the entrepreneur mindset. She has no desire to achieve anything higher than her current job, I on the other hand want a life that none of my family or friends have ever thought of, I have trained my mind to believe anything is possible, I want what most of us on this forum want

We don't always see things the same way, she says I am a dreamer. why can't I be happy with what we have. she says.

We have the typical middle class life. 2 cars, nice house, stuff, food on the table, and of course the debt.


She enjoys the comfort of a secure income from a job. I can't talk to her about the ideas I have in my mind, she humours me but doesn't show the support I wish she did.

I talked about giving up my heating business and she asked me where I was going to go to work, not fully understanding that I wouldn't go back to being an employee unless it was temporary. She doesn't understand how I have changed and wont go back


I am trying to get into the fast lane alone.


Anyone in the same car alone? how do you handle it.

 

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[ChickenHawk]

Should I just push forward without trying to include her in the process?

Yes and no. I'd include her by sharing brief updates, especially when it's good news, but if you're expecting her to contribute ideas or enthusiasm, you might be disappointed. Try not to take it personally, and channel your frustration into action. Who knows, a dose of success might be just the thing to get your wife on-board!

 

[OpenRoadSong]

My wife doesn't understand why i want to be rich. I want to be rich so we can have freedom to truly live life to the fullest and not spend 40 years wage slaving our way into a retirement we cant afford

When I talk about getting into the millionaire mindset shes just not on board. Or interested.

Hi XavierYZ,

I just registered so I could reply to your post... have you tried asking her to read TMF with you?

I'm generally suspicious of any kind of "get rich"/self help books, so when my boyfriend asked me to read TMF he had a bit of a time convincing me. But it was so obviously important to him that I finally caved, and once I started reading I got the adrenaline rush you see a lot of folks describe on here, and I could see whole new worlds opening up before me. The link between money and freedom had never been spelled out for me in that way, it was a total paradigm shift. And it was fun to be able to discuss different fastlane topics with him as they came up throughout the book.

It's hard to shake off the slowlane mindset - I've been embedded in it my whole life! - but that experience has really helped me be more supportive of him. I can now imagine possibilities for us that I never would have dreamed of before.

I really hope you can help her understand a bit better where you're coming from, I think it would be very hard to undertake a fastlane venture without having some level of support from your partner... maybe you could try introducing her to this forum too?

 

[Vigilante]

Most people will come along for the ride. If at all possible, get your wife to read the book The Millionaire Fastlane by MJ DeMarco.

 

[prime]

My girlfriend at the moment is the same way, fastlane is not what she's about. She wants to make serious cash with the career path she is headed down, but it's a high paying career with a lot of school debt left behind. I don't talk about my business to her as much as I use too. Its actually demotivating when you tell something to your significant other and their could care less especially when your excited about it.

I don't blame her though, same reason I can careless about what her girlfriends gossip is about, I just worry about mine.

 

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[Vigilante]

Yup, I can relate to this, alright. My husband is wonderful, funny, interesting, etc., but I can see his eyes glaze over when I start talking about passive income or my current wealth-generation idea. But to be fair, I probably give him the same look when he talks about elk-hunting.

All I can say is, "Thank goodness for this forum!"

@ChickenHawk did this change?

 

[Vick]

a little recap of whats going on with me, I have heating and cooling franchise that I consider to be a slowlane venture. I am putting alot of time and effort into this venture, and its been a struggle to profit from. Its a job that barely pays, I want to move into the fast lane. I am in too deep with this business and feel I have to continue in order to dig myself out.

I want to start something on the side so that I can someday get rid of my heating business. I have been doing it 3 years and beside doing 400K in yearly sales, I am the last to get paid. Royality fees are not killing me, but they are not helping either

I've have learned alot since buying a franchise, but I wouldn't do it again.

I am constantly trying to educate myself through books and online research to better myself so that I can find something I can eventually turn my focus too

I try to share with my wife the vision I have for our future, passive income, free to live anywhere, debt free, and free from the 9-5.


She doesn't have the entrepreneur mindset. She has no desire to achieve anything higher than her current job, I on the other hand want a life that none of my family or friends have ever thought of, I have trained my mind to believe anything is possible, I want what most of us on this forum want

We don't always see things the same way, she says I am a dreamer. why can't I be happy with what we have. she says.

We have the typical middle class life. 2 cars, nice house, stuff, food on the table, and of course the debt.


She enjoys the comfort of a secure income from a job. I can't talk to her about the ideas I have in my mind, she humours me but doesn't show the support I wish she did.

I talked about giving up my heating business and she asked me where I was going to go to work, not fully understanding that I wouldn't go back to being an employee unless it was temporary. She doesn't understand how I have changed and wont go back


I am trying to get into the fast lane alone.


Anyone in the same car alone? how do you handle it.

my wife use to think this way as well.

it takes time for her to change.

you need to show by example, that u can make something (on your own) from nothing, and sell it.

after that, she'll see the light.

but you need to show her. not just tell her about it.

after my first online business (that was a failure) she completely believed in me after that, even though it was a failure, I proved I could make something and sell it.

I showed her that it was possible to make something from basically nothing.

otherwise it's just a dream to them.

 

[The-J]

You just need to realize it is not her thing and keep your ideas to your online fastlane friends.

I for the most part never talk business at home.. Great day - Bad day, same thing. My wife doesn't get it either.

I was wondering if you were married... I don't know why I was wondering this lol

 

[TheTruth]

I was wondering if you were married... I don't know why I was wondering this lol

does someone have a man crush?

 

[Eskil]

does someone have a man crush?

Lol..

 

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[XavierYZ]

My wife doesn't understand why i want to be rich. I want to be rich so we can have freedom to truly live life to the fullest and not spend 40 years wage slaving our way into a retirement we cant afford

When I talk about getting into the millionaire mindset shes just not on board. Or interested.

She cant even tell me how she would live her life if she had all the time and money she ever needed to live life to the fullest

Should I just push forward without trying to include her in the process?

 

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[XavierYZ]

Openroadsong

Thanks for taking the time to register. I have asked her to read it, and she said she would as soon as she finishes her current book. Which will be soon. I will let you know how it goes

Welcome to the forums

 

[458]

Money talks, bullshit walks.

 

[Issac]

XavierYZ, I say ditch the bitch. LOL just kidding man. I have been feeling the same way. I tell my wife everything I want for us in the future and everything I am going to do to get us there. It seems like it's IMPOSSIBLE to motivate her. Or to get her as excited as I am about the future. I sometimes feel like this might affect our marriage in a negative way. I want for us to so badly be a team in achieving financial freedom. But she seems like she lacks critical thinking, or has a very small mind? I think women do have a small brain "it's science" (Will Farrell Anchor Man). I guess I just want her to be interested and excited as much as I am. I'm starting to actually think I married the wrong person. We have three beautiful children together. I would hate to separate because of this. But I know how it feels to not get the support you were expecting, especially from the person you shared vows with. I'm scared that if I meet a girl who recognizes my potential, is supportive, and shares the same determination, that I might fall in love all over again. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

 

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[CTamme]

My wife rides in the NO lane

She does not like to work. I on the other hand love it. It works for us.

LOL. I am not in the fastlane but did get a job 4 years ago that made way more money and I gave my wife the option to stay home and take care of the kids. She wasn't so sure at first but now my running joke is I don't think I will ever get her to go back to work. She loves doing her own thing even though she is a very talented interior designer.

She is not interested in being wealthy but me making enough money for her to not work (outside the home).

 

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[JamesS88]

Did getting your significant other to read TMF change things for any of you? I've tried getting mine to read it for about a year. She told me she has a hard time reading so I got the audio book. Months later, still nothing. Its been disheartening, to say the least. I don't like arguing, so I don't bring it up as much anymore.

 

[MMatt]

I guess I am lucky. My girlfriend and myself are both pursuing different paths but we accept and support each others journeys for the most part.