The Entrepreneur Forum | Financial Freedom | Starting a Business | Motivation | Money | Success

Welcome to the only entrepreneur forum dedicated to building life-changing wealth.

Build a Fastlane business. Earn real financial freedom. Join free.

Join over 80,000 entrepreneurs who have rejected the paradigm of mediocrity and said "NO!" to underpaid jobs, ascetic frugality, and suffocating savings rituals— learn how to build a Fastlane business that pays both freedom and lifestyle affluence.

Free registration at the forum removes this block.

tips on how to overcome shyness

Fabiopassamano96

New Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
57%
Jun 2, 2019
21
12
27
Nocera Inferiore, Italy
Hi everyone,
I am a very shy boy and I cannot express myself in the way I would like. it's hard for me to make new friends and I prefer to be alone. I would like to overcome my problem to get to know new people and start new projects because I would not go ahead alone. do you have any tips to overcome this problem?
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

Rabby

Legendary Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
319%
Aug 26, 2018
1,924
6,128
Florida
You could look for business networking groups / events, and model your new behavior on the people you meet there.

Also, things like joining a club or meetup group helps with "getting out of your shell."
 

SpongeGod

Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
204%
Jul 28, 2019
26
53
One thing that helps me is NoFap. I've had a problem with porn addiction for years and holding off on jerking off has helped me gain so much more energy and confidence in everyday interactions. However, you could do the same with anything that consumes your time or energy like video games, tv, alcohol. Just go cold turkey and stop. You'll see the benefits after a while.
 

College Dropout

Contributor
Read Unscripted!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
150%
Nov 22, 2017
38
57
25
Winston-Salem, NC
I'm the same way. I was actually diagnosed with Aspergers recently if that makes a difference.

Suuuuper socially anxious...

But, I work in sales. I've cold-called numbers without names and set appointments... met with multi-millionaires... and closed hundreds of thousands in deals across several industries in the past year. Having said that... I'm still a spazz and I have crazy social anxiety.

The thing is... there is no secret. You have to force yourself into it and not give a f**k about the outcome. Focus on taking action and make a point out of affirming that you have nothing to lose.

Once you start making progress your confidence builds and a positive feedback loop is engaged. Then it's just a matter of making sure you stay in practice.

I also used to run pickup quite a bit. (As in pickup artist.)

I've dated women I've met running cold approach pickup... just ... "Oh she's beautiful... let me go talk to her." and a week later we're seeing each other.

I went out the other night and barely had the confidence to talk to anyone. I danced with one girl... and got rejected by 9 or 10.... you have to be okay failing... you're after results... you don't care about looking cool.... and when you do you can't beat yourself up.... you have to be on your own team.

As crazy as it sounds... just about any pickup/ game program will help you overcome social anxiety. RSD. Todd V. etc.

Just make sure to be polite about it and don't take it too seriously.

Also, sales books/ material... "How To Win Friends and Influence People," etc.
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.
Last edited:

socaldude

Saturn Sedan and PT Cruiser enthusiast.
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Rat-Race Escape!
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
212%
Jan 10, 2012
2,380
5,043
San Diego, CA
You need a complete reconfiguration of your beliefs about yourself and other people. Easier said than done of course.

One of the biggest illusions of life is our own perceptions. Our perceptions are not passive "objective". In other words we don't just sit back doing nothing while we collect facts and truth. We have to question our own perceptions and replace them with more effective ones.
 

SpongeGod

Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
204%
Jul 28, 2019
26
53
Yeah socaldude is on point. Everything in life is the stuff you tell yourself. I used to have a lot less self-esteem in high school because I went to a competitive high school and had an inferiority complex. I kept telling myself that I sucked, so of course I would suck. It's only when I started to believe that I had the very same ability as my peers that I started to grow. Think about what you tell yourself.
 

S.Y.

Gold Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
267%
Oct 4, 2017
511
1,366
Canada
You can explore cognitive behavioral therapy.

I listened to an audiobook on the topic this year. One of the case study was an extremely social anxious woman. CBT significantly helped her.

Negative visualization can help - depending on your other traits. You can imagine the worst that can happen if you go meet new people or if you start those projects.

After you do that, ask yourself: "if it indeed happens that ways, then what?". In a way go through the worst you think will happen in your mind. Go through all the scenarios and how you would react. Think through what you will do if it happens. And what you can do now to prevent it.

After you have done it, you already went through the worst. Just go and get a win. Go talk to one person. Just one.

Then rince and repeat.
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

Rabby

Legendary Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
319%
Aug 26, 2018
1,924
6,128
Florida
Most people struggle with confidence, or feeling like an outsider or imposter or "not worthy" at some point. I like the book Self Esteem by McKay and Fanning. Learning to change your internal dialog so that you're "on your own side" is good.

For developers, start by meeting some. Or being in the same room with them ;) You don't have to pitch your idea if you're not comfortable with them yet. Take an interest in what they do, even if you don't become a full-fledged developer yourself. There are usually local meetups and Slack channels (slack.com) for developers in most places. Meet them and learn to be friendly with them. A lot of developers are also introverts or socially anxious. You might be surprised at how many apparent extroverts are really just putting on an act. It's learned behavior.

One step at a time is fine; if your starting point is getting out and meeting people, adjust to that first.
 

Mr4213

Silver Contributor
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
153%
May 9, 2016
358
547
27
One of the best things I've learned, is that all people are selfish. Its normal and healthy to be selfish (to an extent)

What this means is that people love talking about themselves. In conversation, most people don't care what you're talking about or really even listen. They are thinking about themselves and what they are going to say next.

So use this knowledge and orient the conversation to be about them. That alone will make a huge difference. Talk about yourself as little as possible and try to keep the conversation completely about them. People will think you're a great conversationalist when in reality the conversation was just them talking about themselves.

Ask open ended questions. The more you can get people to say the better. So for example if someone tells you they go to XYZ college, ask them what about XYZ college made them want to go there. Or if they tell you they want to be a pilot one day, ask them what it is about being a pilot that makes them want to pursue that.

Also, learn to compliment people. But never compliment people just to do it. It's obvious and comes across as insincere. When I talk to people I like to find something about them that I genuinely like and them compliment them on it. When you do it this way it always comes across as sincere because it is, people notice that.

I use to be really shy. So I started throwing myself into extremely awkward situations on purpose. I would go to clubs and bars by myself and just approach groups of people. Eventually I got really good at it now and I can approach anyone without anxiety now.

Another tip is that people aren't focused on you and what you're doing. No one cares. What they are thinking about is their own anxiety and how they think people are looking at them. If you mess up a conversation its not the end of the world. That person is going to completely forget they ever met you before the day ends.

Who cares if you mess up talking to someone that you've only met once in your life? So go out and mess up until you get better at it.

Hope this helps
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

Explorer

New Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
171%
Aug 28, 2017
7
12
Earth
for example now I need a developer for a new app and I don't know how to do it. I know it's stupid but it's stronger than me

You could try starting small, maybe list a few options on how you could go about finding a developer, locally? remote? Any friends knowledgeable in that feild?

You could look on freelancer websites, or post to your Facebook(if you have one and are comfortable doing so) asking if anyone knows of a developer looking get some experience.

Sometimes making the initial steps can seem the hardest, although once you start the task at hand may not seem so hard after all.

It may feel stronger than you, I believe it’s the opposite.

Just my two cents.
 

Solid Snake

Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
117%
Jan 23, 2019
75
88
USA
Meet new people as others have said, but make it easier for yourself by getting close friends and family to introduce you casually at an event like a normal thing.

After that it’s just doing it and gaining practice.

What you’ll realize is that sales is a skill that you get better at, because you will get better at socializing.

Also recommend daily meditation (1 hour vipassana), it will help the most for anxiety and being more social. (Trust me I’m the same as you when it comes to be not social)
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

ChrisV

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
225%
May 10, 2015
3,141
7,055
Islands of Calleja
Gradually talk to people. Ask the time, ask for directions.. you just have to realize that people are generally safe and won't harm you.
 

Kevin88660

Platinum Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
118%
Feb 8, 2019
3,456
4,078
Singapore
Hi everyone,
I am a very shy boy and I cannot express myself in the way I would like. it's hard for me to make new friends and I prefer to be alone. I would like to overcome my problem to get to know new people and start new projects because I would not go ahead alone. do you have any tips to overcome this problem?
I am in sales and my business involves talking to people daily. So maybe I can help.

I will talk about practical ways and not fluff.

1) Mindset: People are shy because they worried about they say sth stupid and others judge them. The FACT is everyone is worried about the same sh$t too and no one cares about judging you. The moment you realized that everyone is paranoid about being seen as pushy or stupid you cease to worry about that. Everyone thinks about themselves and feel insecure about themselves and they cant be bothered about you. Even you said sth stupid they will forget five min later.

2) You have to force yourself. People who close themselves at a corner lose out. You lose in network. You lose in information. You see an opportunity to pitch you have to. Punish yourself if you don't do it. You have to develop the new identity of violating “the social norms” of not introducing or pitching yourself to strangers that you see for the first time. And you have to be proud of that.

3) Have an agenda. No body want to waste time “socializing”. So begin with an goal and target the group of people that you want to associate for a reason.
 

Brian Suh

Silver Contributor
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
118%
May 19, 2018
479
566
Never try to impress people. If you don’t want to talk, don’t. If you dig deeper you May have deeper problems such as wanting people’s approval. Most people aren’t worth impressing anyways. Instead of finding tips and tricks work on your confidence and approving yourself. You won’t be shy after that and you won’t be talkative. You’ll just be YOU which will draw in EVERYONE in a positive or negative way as you won’t please everyone
 

Fabiopassamano96

New Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
57%
Jun 2, 2019
21
12
27
Nocera Inferiore, Italy
Never try to impress people. If you don’t want to talk, don’t. If you dig deeper you May have deeper problems such as wanting people’s approval. Most people aren’t worth impressing anyways. Instead of finding tips and tricks work on your confidence and approving yourself. You won’t be shy after that and you won’t be talkative. You’ll just be YOU which will draw in EVERYONE in a positive or negative way as you won’t please everyone
how can i improve myself?
 

Kevin88660

Platinum Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
118%
Feb 8, 2019
3,456
4,078
Singapore

njord

Bronze Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
141%
Nov 24, 2016
134
189
34
Iv done a little research about social anxiety its a little read i hoop it helps;

Social Anxiety comes from fear, fear of being rejected and fear is a natural response from your body to danger.

Fear is a survival mechanism to tell you that there is danger close by and that you have to flight, fight or if that doesent work make you hide by paralyzing you (playing dead)

There is no time to think what to do if you see a saber tooth tiger coming towards you, you need to know by instinct!

Without fear we would all die, there is a very rare genetic disease somewhere in the middle east where children are born without fear.

The sad thing is these kids just dont survive they end up doing dumb shit like jumping from buildings, becouse they just dont understand the danger they just dont feel it!


Symptons of fear:

Increased heart rate

Increased muscle tension

Goosebumps

Sweating

Butterflies in your stomic

The urge to piss or shit your self

You may feel like being brain dead as all the blood leaves your brain to your arms and legs for the flight/fight responce (cant think of anything to say start blabering out of your mouth ect.)

Coming back to social anxiety there is a good reson we fear approaching a sexualy attractive girl because back in the day when we lived in small tribes only had spears and knives to protect ourselves there maybe only a few girls to choose from and if you got rejected you could lose your only mating opportunity!

Or worse yet if you made a complete fool of yourself you could be exiled! back in then exiled = death.

But the problem is now a days this social anxiety is way outdated! We currently live in a tribe of bilions of people, you can get rejected by 100x a day doing cold calls or talking to girls and it wont matter!
If you get banned from the club? Who cares!? You just go to a different one or if you only have one club in your city or town just move city, it may be inconvenient but your will be fine.

So how do we update our bodys defence system to 2019? (your fear) How do we tell our bodys that its safe to approach sexualy attractive girls? Or ask for that pay raise? Or make that big important sale?

There are two main methodes:
(ill use approaching girls as an example becouse its where i learnt these technieks)

The Ossie method, basically if you would take the metafoor of a cold swimming pool Ossie methode is very simple he just throws you straight into the deep end of the pool!

Your body will be shocked but after about two minutes your body will realize hey this is uncomfortable but hey! Im still alive!

That one hard girl or group you want to approach? just jump right in and stay in there for at least 2 minutes. If you would take the fear grafic this is what happens:
26152
Your fear will shoot up, you will want to run away but if you stay in there it will slowly subside till its over after about 2 minutes .
REMEMBER 2 MIN! Very important you need to expose yourself to two minutes of fear, after that you body will be like F*ck this is scary but F*ck im still alive!! This isent so bad!

IMPORTANT if you dont stay in for 2 minutes your will F*ck your self over you will be stuck in the fear zone of the grafic and can make your fear worse so make sure you stay in there!

I strongly recommend doing this methode with a friend! Get your friend to time you with the exercises.

This Social fear is real, when experiencing it you may feel as if you are about to die but this is an elusion, I like to think of it like walking through a wall of water it will be appressing you all the way and be very scary but if you push your self though it after a few steps you will realize its not real and like that the fear will disappear!

There are some Ossie exercises you can do if you want to know them feel free to pm me.

Methode nr2

Ossie to hardcore for you? Or for once you just wanna take it easy or you have no friend to help you out? No judgements at least your doing something!

This is the almost the opposite from Ossie, here you just take a small step at a time in the shallow end of the pool. when you step into the water its uncomfortable but after a while you realize its not to bad! Then you proceed to the next step and the next.

If you find one step hard keep on doing it till you have mastered it.

Step 1

Very "easy" just ask strangers for directions on the street


Step 2

Give a random compliment to a girl (or guy) or strike a conversation with a random person

Step 3

Give a girl (or guy) a complement and stay in the conversation and eventualy ask her(him) for a date

Things to help you if your stuck, if you fail to do a step consistantly do 10 pushups there and then on the street every time you fail (best if you get someone to back you up;)
Trust me after doing this a few times you will do it!
Appart from being uncomfortble doing pushups on the street while everyone is looking, this will increase your adrenaline making it easier to get over your fear.

Good luck!
 

MILIANARD134

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
170%
Mar 22, 2018
128
218
27
France
I think what you should do is face the shark.
You should create NOT join a meetup group, without questioning yourself, maybe a meetup group for partying or hiking if u like it.
At first, it will be weird, but then, u gonna start to earn experience, be open to them, if they ask you why did you create this group, tell them you think it would help you with you shyness and to meet genuine people.
Try to lead, organize the meetup.

Also, what you can do is everyday ask weird things to people. I mean don't ask them what time is it, because, it so easy. Ask them: Why do you have black shoes ? Why do you go this way. Be creative, but the goal is to make you uncomfortable.
 

njord

Bronze Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
141%
Nov 24, 2016
134
189
34
Also, what you can do is everyday ask weird things to people. I mean don't ask them what time is it, because, it so easy. Ask them: Why do you have black shoes ? Why do you go this way. Be creative, but the goal is to make you uncomfortable.
I dissagree, you dont want to learn bad habbits (asking weird questions) but rather get comfortable in all social situations.

I would suggest going to toast masters instead you can practise speaching and get tons of feedback
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

JAJT

Legendary Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
549%
Aug 7, 2012
2,970
16,306
Ontario, Canada
Very small, easy things to implement that helped me go from socially awkward / anxious to outgoing and a social butterfly:

1. Care about your appearance.

Many shy people tend to have this "sheltered" look to them. Messy, uncut, unstyled hair, inconsistent shaving habits, mismatched outfits, footwear that's inappropriate for the time/place, weird hat choices, etc...

Set aside the graphic tee's, cargo pants, hiking boots, knee socks, and fedoras. Go get yourself a set of brightly colored, simple, collared shirts and/or t-shirts (short sleeve polos are great, same with solid-color tees). Get a pair of shoes that are good in most situations - not a jogger's running shoe and not a hiking boot. There's a million options to choose from but honestly - spend a day or so noticing the footwear of people who look like they know what's going on in life and buy something similar. Get some ankle-length socks that match your shoes. Lose the hat entirely for now.

Shave at least every other day. A day's stubble looks fine on most men. After that you look like you're on vacation.

Go to a proper barber and get an evergreen haircut. Personally I sit down and say "Number 3 on the sides, just shorter than finger length on top" and call it a day. It's short, professional, and looks good in any situation. You do you, but stay away from trends or high upkeep styles unless you know what you're doing.

While it's good advice to never judge a book by it's cover, it's even better advice to understand that EVERYONE DOES THIS ANYWAY. Make your book look like something other people want to read the hell out of.

In short - DRESS AND LOOK LIKE AN ADULT.

2. Head up, Eye Contact, Smile.

Make it a new challenge - any time you need to interact with someone, walk towards them with your head up, look them in the eye, and smile when they make eye contact. Doesn't matter if it's at the mall, at the dentist, at work or a hotel clerk. Bonus points if you say hello first.

You'll notice something neat - they'll smile at you back at least 90% of the time and you'll feel like you brightened up their day. They'll treat you nicer from the very beginning and you'll get your way far more often. It's like a magic trick for people. Although be warned - this only works if you already took care of your appearance. Again - nobody wants to pick up a shitty looking book.

Oh, that other 10% that don't smile back? They are either broken, dead inside, or you caught them at a shit time - keep it brief, to the point and move on.

3. Make decisions.

You wouldn't believe how well this works to convey to others that you have a personality. Shy people never make decisions. They always try to accommodate others. If your answer to the question "what do you want to eat tonight?" is "oh I don't care, I could go for anything, what do you want?" - you're doing things wrong.

Always try to answer other people's questions (especially the simple ones) with a definite answer. If you're caught off guard, you can always say "huh, great question, let me figure that out". Then figure it out, then tell them, then do that.

Shy people don't make decisions. That's just an unwritten rule that everyone understands. If you make decisions, you will not come off as shy, no matter how simple the question is that you are making a decision about. What to pick up for snacks? Mixed nuts. Dinner? Pizza. What do you want to do? Movie. What did you want to do next weekend? Camping. Where to meet up downtown? That new brew pub. Just pick something. They don't have to like it or even accept it - but throw SOMETHING out and let them push back on it.

--------------------------

That's it - 3 simple things anyone can do to immediately improve their lives and it didn't require any herculean amount of effort. You got a haircut, bought some new clothes, lifted your head 3 inches and smiled at people, and told people what the hell you want to eat tonight.

IMHO this is the 80/20 principal at work. Your outwards appearance looks confident so people will assume you are confident. You made eye contact and said hello first with a smile so people assume you're a friendly, confident person. You had answers to the simplest of questions when asked and now you've proven that you aren't just a mirror or brick wall when people talk to you.

Welcome to the land of "I look and act like I have my shit together". Population: You.
 

Kevin88660

Platinum Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
118%
Feb 8, 2019
3,456
4,078
Singapore
Very small, easy things to implement that helped me go from socially awkward / anxious to outgoing and a social butterfly:

1. Care about your appearance.

Many shy people tend to have this "sheltered" look to them. Messy, uncut, unstyled hair, inconsistent shaving habits, mismatched outfits, footwear that's inappropriate for the time/place, weird hat choices, etc...

Set aside the graphic tee's, cargo pants, hiking boots, knee socks, and fedoras. Go get yourself a set of brightly colored, simple, collared shirts and/or t-shirts (short sleeve polos are great, same with solid-color tees). Get a pair of shoes that are good in most situations - not a jogger's running shoe and not a hiking boot. There's a million options to choose from but honestly - spend a day or so noticing the footwear of people who look like they know what's going on in life and buy something similar. Get some ankle-length socks that match your shoes. Lose the hat entirely for now.

Shave at least every other day. A day's stubble looks fine on most men. After that you look like you're on vacation.

Go to a proper barber and get an evergreen haircut. Personally I sit down and say "Number 3 on the sides, just shorter than finger length on top" and call it a day. It's short, professional, and looks good in any situation. You do you, but stay away from trends or high upkeep styles unless you know what you're doing.

While it's good advice to never judge a book by it's cover, it's even better advice to understand that EVERYONE DOES THIS ANYWAY. Make your book look like something other people want to read the hell out of.

In short - DRESS AND LOOK LIKE AN ADULT.

2. Head up, Eye Contact, Smile.

Make it a new challenge - any time you need to interact with someone, walk towards them with your head up, look them in the eye, and smile when they make eye contact. Doesn't matter if it's at the mall, at the dentist, at work or a hotel clerk. Bonus points if you say hello first.

You'll notice something neat - they'll smile at you back at least 90% of the time and you'll feel like you brightened up their day. They'll treat you nicer from the very beginning and you'll get your way far more often. It's like a magic trick for people. Although be warned - this only works if you already took care of your appearance. Again - nobody wants to pick up a shitty looking book.

Oh, that other 10% that don't smile back? They are either broken, dead inside, or you caught them at a shit time - keep it brief, to the point and move on.

3. Make decisions.

You wouldn't believe how well this works to convey to others that you have a personality. Shy people never make decisions. They always try to accommodate others. If your answer to the question "what do you want to eat tonight?" is "oh I don't care, I could go for anything, what do you want?" - you're doing things wrong.

Always try to answer other people's questions (especially the simple ones) with a definite answer. If you're caught off guard, you can always say "huh, great question, let me figure that out". Then figure it out, then tell them, then do that.

Shy people don't make decisions. That's just an unwritten rule that everyone understands. If you make decisions, you will not come off as shy, no matter how simple the question is that you are making a decision about. What to pick up for snacks? Mixed nuts. Dinner? Pizza. What do you want to do? Movie. What did you want to do next weekend? Camping. Where to meet up downtown? That new brew pub. Just pick something. They don't have to like it or even accept it - but throw SOMETHING out and let them push back on it.

--------------------------

That's it - 3 simple things anyone can do to immediately improve their lives and it didn't require any herculean amount of effort. You got a haircut, bought some new clothes, lifted your head 3 inches and smiled at people, and told people what the hell you want to eat tonight.

IMHO this is the 80/20 principal at work. Your outwards appearance looks confident so people will assume you are confident. You made eye contact and said hello first with a smile so people assume you're a friendly, confident person. You had answers to the simplest of questions when asked and now you've proven that you aren't just a mirror or brick wall when people talk to you.

Welcome to the land of "I look and act like I have my shit together". Population: You.
Absolutely agree. Good grooming is a mindset I learnt to accept along the years.

In where I grow up there is traditional bias against men who dress too well. They are judged as superficial with no real “content”. But eventually everywhere is the same. When you dress well you get more confidence and get treated more seriously.
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

JAJT

Legendary Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
549%
Aug 7, 2012
2,970
16,306
Ontario, Canada
When you dress well you get more confidence and get treated more seriously.

Yup. Everything I mentioned is a reinforcing cycle.

Smiling = people smiling back at you, people going out of their way for you, and starting more enjoyable conversations and interactions. You feel valued and like you have worth. You begin to accept that others are happy to see you and you aren't bothering anyone. You lose your guilt and shame and shyness and change your limiting beliefs about talking to strangers.

Dressing well = people treating you more professionally and seriously. You aren't avoided or dismissed or ignored when you are looking for help. People approach you more and respect you more and assume you can't be brushed aside or taken advantage of. You begin to feel like someone who demands respect and begin to lose limiting beliefs that you are someone to be ignored, brushed aside, and rushed through interactions.

Decision making = being looked to as someone who takes action. People begin coming to you for decisions they don't want to make themselves (or can't). You start getting praise and thanks and respect for being decisive. Nobody gets annoyed with your flaky answers. You lose your limiting beliefs that any opinion you have or decision you make is a burden on those who may not feel the same way. In fact, people begin to respect you for being able to offer suggestions in a quiet room.

These small things all reinforce positive believes and dispel limiting ones, despite being ultra low effort, low anxiety behaviors.

As silly as it sounds, these things changed my life. I dressed poorly, made no decisions, and walked head down and arms cross and never smiled. When I changed all this my entire world changed. How the world interacted with me changed. How I interacted with the world changed. It was magic, for me.

Everyone is different but I'd honestly argue that if someone is having problems with confidence in life and isn't doing one of those 3 things - they should start there.
 

SpongeGod

Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
204%
Jul 28, 2019
26
53
A lot of good advice in this thread. I would like to add on to what njord said about fear. The key is to stick with the pain like he explains in the Ossie method. Social mastery is a skill anybody can learn.

I've been reading this book by Seth Godin titled Linchpin. It's about how people become indispensible at your job by being more human and creating art, which basically means giving gifts to people(like a smile in a coversation). There's a section about shenpa which means scratching the itch in some language. Once we scratch the itch, we keep scratching until it hurts and we bleed. The idea is that you should not scratch and just sit through the itch until it goes away.

Likewise, the resistance you feel, that anxiety (fear of fear), the urge to listen to your lizard brain. Just stop and stay. Say something stupid. Isn't the fear of something that may not happen and that you'll forget about in the next minute only to think of another potential threat just stupid.
.
Fear is a survival mechanism to tell you that there is danger close by and that you have to flight, fight or if that doesent work make you hide by paralyzing you (playing dead)
 

SpongeGod

Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
204%
Jul 28, 2019
26
53
2 minutes is nothing. Our job as thinking beings is to control the lizard inside our heads.

We are all geniuses because we have two brains. The newer neocortex which does all the smart thinking and the lizard brain which responds to primitive but important stimuli (fear, sex). The lizard brain causes resistance and stay where its comfortable. If you can push through the resistance by ignoring you lizard brain (Ossie Method), you gain access to higher modes of thought. The greeks called it the daemon inside us. With the daemon, you create art, gifts that benefit the recipients. Those gifts will get you money, love, and anything else you can ask for.

This brings me back to NoFAP. When you feel the urge to jerk off, its the lizard talking. When you feel afraid to talk to women, its the lizard talking. NoFap is about ignoring the lizard and instead transmuting your sexual energy to other causes like your fastlane business. Try NoFap, it really does give you a new grip on life.
 

njord

Bronze Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
141%
Nov 24, 2016
134
189
34
2 minutes is nothing. Our job as thinking beings is to control the lizard inside our heads.

We are all geniuses because we have two brains. The newer neocortex which does all the smart thinking and the lizard brain which responds to primitive but important stimuli (fear, sex). The lizard brain causes resistance and stay where its comfortable. If you can push through the resistance by ignoring you lizard brain (Ossie Method), you gain access to higher modes of thought. The greeks called it the daemon inside us. With the daemon, you create art, gifts that benefit the recipients. Those gifts will get you money, love, and anything else you can ask for.

This brings me back to NoFAP. When you feel the urge to jerk off, its the lizard talking. When you feel afraid to talk to women, its the lizard talking. NoFap is about ignoring the lizard and instead transmuting your sexual energy to other causes like your fastlane business. Try NoFap, it really does give you a new grip on life.

2 min is nothing? What are you trying to say? have you done it before?

I dare you go to the middel of a crowded sqaure in a city and for at least 2 minutes tell everyone there the most embarrasing story about yourself you can think of.
And remember to talk LOUDLY! Everyone on the square must be able to hear you, you will automaticly want to talk very softly this will happen to everyone best thing is to get a friend to help you out.
 

Post New Topic

Please SEARCH before posting.
Please select the BEST category.

Post new topic

Guest post submissions offered HERE.

New Topics

Fastlane Insiders

View the forum AD FREE.
Private, unindexed content
Detailed process/execution threads
Ideas needing execution, more!

Join Fastlane Insiders.

Top