tips on how to overcome shyness

[njord]

2 minutes is nothing. Our job as thinking beings is to control the lizard inside our heads.

We are all geniuses because we have two brains. The newer neocortex which does all the smart thinking and the lizard brain which responds to primitive but important stimuli (fear, sex). The lizard brain causes resistance and stay where its comfortable. If you can push through the resistance by ignoring you lizard brain (Ossie Method), you gain access to higher modes of thought. The greeks called it the daemon inside us. With the daemon, you create art, gifts that benefit the recipients. Those gifts will get you money, love, and anything else you can ask for.

This brings me back to NoFAP. When you feel the urge to jerk off, its the lizard talking. When you feel afraid to talk to women, its the lizard talking. NoFap is about ignoring the lizard and instead transmuting your sexual energy to other causes like your fastlane business. Try NoFap, it really does give you a new grip on life.

2 min is nothing? What are you trying to say? have you done it before?

I dare you go to the middel of a crowded sqaure in a city and for at least 2 minutes tell everyone there the most embarrasing story about yourself you can think of.
And remember to talk LOUDLY! Everyone on the square must be able to hear you, you will automaticly want to talk very softly this will happen to everyone best thing is to get a friend to help you out.

 

[SpongeGod]

@njord lol bro. I'm actually tempted right now. But I see your point. What I mean is that 2 minutes in the grand scheme of your life is nothing, but those two minutes could give opportunity. You have so much more to gain than lose by taking the chance and sticking with the pain.

And the thing is. If I stood in the middle of time square with a microphone and told every passerby about the time I jerked off with banana peel I microwaved for 30 seconds to hardcore porn high off my a$$ (my lowest moment), I doubt anybody would care.

I could even have fun with it. I kind of want to go in front some prudish old woman, the kind you'd see at church, and describe in full detail how the warm, moist banana felt. lol I'd probably get arrested, but I'd have the laugh of a century.

The world does not care about me. I try to drill this into my head everyday. Everything is our mindset.

 

[njord]

@njord lol bro. I'm actually tempted right now. But I see your point. What I mean is that 2 minutes in the grand scheme of your life is nothing, but those two minutes could give opportunity. You have so much more to gain than lose by taking the chance and sticking with the pain.

And the thing is. If I stood in the middle of time square with a microphone and told every passerby about the time I jerked off with banana peel I microwaved for 30 seconds to hardcore porn high off my a$$ (my lowest moment), I doubt anybody would care.

I could even have fun with it. I kind of want to go in front some prudish old woman, the kind you'd see at church, and describe in full detail how the warm, moist banana felt. lol I'd probably get arrested, but I'd have the laugh of a century.

The world does not care about me. I try to drill this into my head everyday. Everything is our mindset.

You are compleetly right most people will compleetly ignore you and carry on with what ever they are doing. But thats not the point, the point is conquering your fear and thats what your doing right there by talking about something very embarrassing infront of a crowd of people.
BTW using a microfoon is cheating the a big part of getting over your social anxiety is being able to rise your voice so everyone can hear you for most people this will be very hard to do with this exercize.

 

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[Fabiopassamano96]

today, thanks to your advice, I found the developer I was looking for so much. without you I would not have made it.

 

[JayB]

New to this forum and just came across this thread and figured I'd throw in a quick .02.
I don't know how similar my situation is, but I too am a very shy and introverted person. I've had jobs that forced me to put myself in situations where I had no choice but get over it and those experiences were very good for me no matter how hard they were.
I don't know how much this affects your life, but to some degree one lesson I've learned in my entrepreneurial journey is to sometimes just embrace who I am. I have owned a successful e-commerce operation for almost 10 years now, and one of the reasons I got into ecommerce is because it allows me work hard but not have to speak with or meet people directly. I'm not advocating hiding in your house forever, and if you feel your shyness is holding you back then by all means do what you can to overcome it but at some point we are who we are and I think we need to find ways to get our traits to work for us. Over the years I've had so many friends that gave me a hard time for not going on trips or places with them to work instead, and I can't tell you how many times I've been told that I work too much and am not taking the time to enjoy life. I do agree that sometimes you need to stop and smell the roses, but for my situation at least I found it to be a strength.
Now I just try to think about who I let into my life, I have created a CEO peer groups of local business owners to at least try to spend my time with like-minded people and try to help each other out.
Again, I'm not sure of your exact situation so take my words with a grain of salt but just something to chew on. As long as our traits are not self-destructive sometimes we are better off accepting certain traits, embracing them and tyring to leverage them to our advantage.

 

[Fabiopassamano96]

Never try to impress people. If you don’t want to talk, don’t. If you dig deeper you May have deeper problems such as wanting people’s approval. Most people aren’t worth impressing anyways. Instead of finding tips and tricks work on your confidence and approving yourself. You won’t be shy after that and you won’t be talkative. You’ll just be YOU which will draw in EVERYONE in a positive or negative way as you won’t please everyone

how can i improve myself?

 

[MILIANARD134]

Anyway @SpongeGod , i'm interested about the "ossie method" it sounds like what my father was doing at the army

 

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[SpongeGod]

2 minutes is nothing. Our job as thinking beings is to control the lizard inside our heads.

We are all geniuses because we have two brains. The newer neocortex which does all the smart thinking and the lizard brain which responds to primitive but important stimuli (fear, sex). The lizard brain causes resistance and stay where its comfortable. If you can push through the resistance by ignoring you lizard brain (Ossie Method), you gain access to higher modes of thought. The greeks called it the daemon inside us. With the daemon, you create art, gifts that benefit the recipients. Those gifts will get you money, love, and anything else you can ask for.

This brings me back to NoFAP. When you feel the urge to jerk off, its the lizard talking. When you feel afraid to talk to women, its the lizard talking. NoFap is about ignoring the lizard and instead transmuting your sexual energy to other causes like your fastlane business. Try NoFap, it really does give you a new grip on life.

 

[Johnny boy]

You've got some great answers here, and I'm going to add one more.

I used to be pathologically shy. Zero eye contact, dressed to be ignored, intermittent hygiene, damn near permanent stutter, the works.

Two things changed everything:

1. I moved 3000 miles away from anyone who knew me. Any way that I presented myself to my new community would be how they thought of me. I made a conscious decision to not blow that opportunity.

2. Brute force: it was HORRIBLE. I explain: I gave myself a challenge. I had 2 weeks to change my behavior. I didn't have to change my mindset, just my behavior. I went to the least threatening place (college science lab) at the least threatening time (4pm) to deliberately *give a compliment* to the least-threatening person I could find(older secretary).

Result: My hands were sweating, my knees shaking. I asked for directions to an office I knew was on the wrong floor, and as I went to leave, said, 'hey, that dress is a beautiful color on you'. Then I threw up in the bathroom.

And then I repeated it, in some form, every day, for 2 weeks. And it got me over the worst of the shyness. I started looking people in the eye, I bathed on the regular, got newer clothes, and talked slower to overcome the stutter.

You're probably nowhere near as shy as I was. The 2-week challenge will probably work great! Every day, find a stranger, and compliment them. Seriously, if I can get past it, you can.

Now? I may have gone too far in the opposite direction. YMMV

Great post.

 

[Monkeycom]

Hi everyone,
I am a very shy boy and I cannot express myself in the way I would like. it's hard for me to make new friends and I prefer to be alone. I would like to overcome my problem to get to know new people and start new projects because I would not go ahead alone. do you have any tips to overcome this problem?

Go play Football !

 

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[Ninjakid]

As a fellow shy person, here are some things I've found work for me:

• Own your shyness. Accept yourself as you are. Don't think you have to have a different personality or try to change yourself (at least not immediately).

• Put yourself in situations where you have to interact with people. Join a club, get involved in some activity. And once again, you don't need to try and be social for people to like you. Just interact with people as you usually would.

• Be interesting. When you have cool things going on in your life, people will automatically want to get to know you. It doesn't matter if you're outgoing or not.

There are lots of advantages to being shy. I find I get to spend more time on projects that matter to me. I'm not overly concerned with other people's business. Overall life is more meaningful!

 

[solyom]

What did help me was setting goals.

E.g. it has happened to me so many times that I wanted to reach a result, but then realized that I need to do several other things that I am afraid of in order to complete that goal.

In these cases it often was a fight of the will of achieveing that goal and the fear of doing those things that led to my goal. Whichever power (the will or the fear) was the stronger, it finally won.

So I had to build up very strong goals in me that could win over the fears.

---

Thinking with this logic, I am pretty sure that I had used to be so shy between I was 15-22 because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

Then (after reading some books about my possibilities) I found my goals and then started to overcome my shyness gradually...

---

So my advice is: "Find a goal and go achieve it. If you fear some steps, do it despite of the fear. Do it even if you look awkward while doing it - just go and don't forget your goal."

 

[Tourmaline]

Go to an establishment. Open a conversation with someone. Repeat 100 times.

Bars. Comic book/board game stores. Gun shops and shooting ranges.

Whatever floats your boat.

 

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[Andy Black]

My advice for shy folks is to say thanks to people.
Someone hold the door open for you? Say thanks.
Someone hand you your meal in the restaurant? Say thanks.
Get used to their reaction. Take it from there.
Seek out the chance to give thanks.