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BOOK REVIEW Never Split The Difference, by Chris Voss

How do you RATE Never Split The Difference by Voss? (READERS ONLY PLEASE!)

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Primeperiwinkle

though she be but little...
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Also forgot to mention,
this book is a classic example of street smart vs book smart.

The guy learned from actual in the field experience, real hostage negotiations, and openly talks about how wrong the negotiation theories of the time often were.
YES!!! I’ve been waiting and WAITING for someone to say this. The older I get the more I am starting to really DIStrust ppl who give “lessons” without any real world experience. I want some proof that it works.. not just because somebody poured money into it or thought it up in an accredited school.

And I know this is just my philosophical connection mind at work but oh goodness what if we could combine Frankl’s Logotherapy and Voss’ negotiation?!?

Maybe @LightHouse will write a book someday. Hint. Hint!!
 

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ExecutionisKing

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Not much need to write a review anymore, @luniac did a great job with a lot of specifics- totally agree on street vs book smarts- enjoyed a new benchmark, past "Getting to Yes." Also, the ease with which he held held his ground aginst Mnookin, head of the Harvard Negotiation Research Project. Top of the line book smarts there. @amp0193 , another meaty review, but rep bank can't be sent right now. Great application in your example, especially since, as you said, it's hard to implement right away.

:star::star::star::star::star:

Avoiding redundancy- key takeaways NOT detailed in the thread, that stood out to me.

Format: Paperback

Favorite part:
In a multi-chapter tie, I will go with Chapter 7, the illusion of control. Even the MOST HIGHLY TRAINED executives, not to mention those with excellent EQ, are influenced by the structure and wording of your questions- most people are far below this level and this is VERY impactful in your discussions and negotiations.

Key takeaways/quotes:
-"Regardless of what language the word “why” is translated into, it’s accusatory. There are very rare moments when this is to your advantage. The only time you can use “why” successfully is when the defensiveness that is created supports the change you are trying to get them to see."
Has this ever gotten under your skin? Someone asks "why"- not to help solve a problem, but to question your reasoning, resist finishing a task they're assigned to, or try to convince you that you're asking for something unnecessary, right before telling you they don't have it...

-The most powerful word in negotiations is “Fair.” As human beings, we’re mightily swayed by how much we feel we have been respected."
His ultimatum game, dividing $10 in ch. 7, really draws this out. References this later-
"Most people make an irrational choice to let the dollar slip through their fingers rather than to accept a derisory offer, because the negative emotional value of unfairness outweighs the positive rational value of the money. This irrational reaction to unfairness extends all the way to serious economic deals."

-The coffee example is eye opening- has a big role in many debates on fairness- the principle-
"Take the same person, change one or two variables, and $100 can be a glorious victory or a vicious insult. Recognizing this phenomenon lets you bend reality from insult to victory.

"Imagine that I offer you $20 to run a three-minute errand and get me a cup of coffee. You’re going to think to yourself that $20 for three minutes is $400 an hour. You’re going to be thrilled. What if then you find out that by getting you to run that errand I made a million dollars. You’d go from being ecstatic for making $400 an hour to being angry because you got ripped off. The value of the $20, just like the value of the coffee mug, didn’t change. But your perspective of it did. Just by how I position the $20, I can make you happy or disgusted by it."

-“That’s right” is great, but if “you’re right,” nothing changes"-
"Whenever someone is bothering you, and they just won’t let up, and they won’t listen to anything you have to say, what do you tell them to get them to shut up and go away? “You’re right. "
They "agree, in theory, but don't own the conclusion. When your adversaries say, “That’s right,” they feel they have assessed what you’ve said and pronounced it as correct of their own free will. They embrace it."

-Different personalities signal their position in the negotiation in their own ways- read the book!;)

Remember Your:
Appendix: Prepare a Negotiation One Sheet
Accusation Audit Checklist
Open-ended questions- how am I supposed to do that?
Constant search for black swans- the unknown unknowns that are limiting the presented choices.
Labels- labeling their position neutrally, along with mirroring- the empathy is impactful and it "encourages your counterpart to be responsive."
Tactical empathy- "when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings."
Animal nature. "we are all crazy, irrational, impulsive, emotionally driven animals," (did reading that sentence, with little context, make you want to resist?) but we are "emotional and irrational in predictable, pattern-filled ways. Using that knowledge is only, well, rational."
 

Whiterose

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:star::star::star::star::star:

Format: eBook

My thoughts/review:
First things first, the book is absolutely a great read. Since I believe everyone in a daily life negotiates for something, even if it's not that significant, we all like to get it our way, and this book is designed to help you achieve exactly that.

What I also like about this book is that the author provides a brief summary after each chapter, so you get the key takeaways once more and can easily reference them once needed.

Also, what makes this book great is that there are a lot of examples either from his own life and FBI career or from people he knows. Some great stories and lessons to be learned from provided examples.

Favorite part:
Beware "Yes" - Master "No": Completely changed my understanding of both of those words. What the author essentialy says is that "No" often means just "Wait" or "I'm not comfortable with that," meaning "No" is not a failure.
And even if we say "Yes" to something we're not interested in at all, it essentially means nothing.
For example: When a telemarketer wants to sell you water filters which you find the least necessary thing at the moment, he is probably going to ask you "Do you drink water?" and of course you'll say "Yes."
And while that "Yes" sounds like you could be interested in the offer, you say it just because it's nicer than "No, I do not need water, carbon filtered or otherwise. I’m a camel!"

Key takeaways:
  1. No deal is better than a bad deal.
  2. To successfully negotiate it is critical to prepare.
  3. A smile, even while talking on the phone, has an impact tonally that the other person will pick up on.
  4. "No" is not a failure. It really often just means "Wait" or "I'm not comfortable with that." Learn to hear it calmly.
  5. To get real leverage, you have to persuade the other side that they have something concrete to lose if the deal falls through.
  6. Get face time with your counterpart, if possible.
 
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MJ DeMarco

MJ DeMarco

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Rating:
:star::star::star::star::star:

Format:
Audiobook

This is the type of book that one has to read/consume several times so all the concepts become second-nature. While I knew few of the concepts beforehand, it was really nice to hear them organized and explained. It definitely expanded my awareness in the realm of negotiation and I feel thankful this book was offered here as a review target.

Overall a great read that should save someone thousands, perhaps millions over their lifetime.

Favorite part:

All of the actual life-or-death stories where the negotiation had lives in the balance. You don't get any more urgent than that. Voss's experience is second to none. No one can question his experience or expertise.

Key takeaways
:
  • How NO is actually better than YES.
  • Getting to "that's right"
  • Understanding your opponent.
  • Understanding their religion.
  • Labeling
  • Mirroring
  • Calibrated questions...
  • Saying NO without actually saying NO
  • Getting a person to bid against themselves...
  • The low anchor...

Much much more! Ya gotta read it to learn it!

Dislike
The only issue I took is these negotiating tactics WILL NOT work in a bidding situation or in a high-demand situation, for example, in a real estate transaction with multiple offers on the table. While you can use the strategies to get a great price on a buying a used car or a piece of equipment with not a lot of buyers, everything changes if there's a hot item in play. While you can use the strategies, the 5 people IMMEDIATELY behind you who also are negotiating (and not using the strategies) are willing to pay FULL BOAT.
 

Pebblepottage

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Rating: Five Stars

Great Book. I have just finished reading. Most of the techniques mentioned in the book are based on EMPATHIC LISTENING. Stephen Covey in his best selling book, (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) Habit 5 - Seek First To Understand Then Be Understood, has articulated in detail on empathic listening. JUST MY OPINION.
 

Pebblepottage

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MJ DeMarco said,

"The only issue I took is these negotiating tactics WILL NOT work in a bidding situation or in a high-demand situation, for example, in a real estate transaction with multiple offers on the table. While you can use the strategies to get a great price on a buying a used car or a piece of equipment with not a lot of buyers, everything changes if there's a hot item in play. While you can use the strategies, the 5 people IMMEDIATELY behind you who also are negotiating (and not using the strategies) are willing to pay FULL BOAT."

TRUE!
 

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