My family is F*cked. Just... F*cked.

[lowtek]

You'll probably want to put a freeze on your credit too, provided it isn't already wrecked. It's almost impossible to stop scheming parents/siblings from opening up CCs in your name, because they know your DoB, address, social, phone number, friends/spose's names, etc. etc. The companies just aren't equipped to repel fraudulent account openings from the family of the person being targeted.

Damn, I never thought of that but uhhh you're right. That's some scary shit right there.

 

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[Liberty T. Vance]

I was your brother 30 years ago....

I am a drug addict. Heroin, coke, alcohol, etc... You name it I did it...

My mom died when I was 20 and that was my reason (excuse) to really take my addiction to the next level. I was 22 years old when my family finally had enough.

My Dad and grandparents cut me off. Not soon enough. I had burnt through most of my inheritance from my Mom and they were finished with my bullshit.

I got nothing from them. Phone calls were answered but short and to the point.

Dad: How are you?

Me: I'm ok. I'm trying to clean up but need some groceries, will you help?

Dad: NO!!!!

Me: But didn't you hear me? I'm cleaning up...

Dad: That's great. Next year at this time let's re-visit this issue and I'll see if we can help.

Me: But, but, but....

Dad: Love you son. Bye.

Me: motherfcker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WASN'T cleaning up or doing shit towards straightening my life out.

I ended up in prison a year later.

My first 6 months were spent mostly in the hole because I continued getting high and drinking in prison.

The hole is an interesting place to get your mind right (or not). It can be an incredible time for reflection. Or you can spend the time just stewing in your own shit... Blaming others for YOUR F*ck ups.... Not taking responsibility... being a F*cking pussy...

Guess what? I didn't like prison. It wasn't fun. It's not cool and it's not where I was suppose to be...

My last stint in the hole is where and when the light bulb went off. I was standing at the door looking out the small window provided and realized this is not me. I wasn't raised to be a criminal/drug addict...

I made a DECISION at that moment that I wasn't going to get high again. I was released 3 years later drug and alcohol free, I had received my high school diploma (quit HS in 12th grade) and had taken some college courses relating to computers and business.

Upon my release my family was waiting for me with open arms willing to help me anyway they could as long as I stayed clean. I realized at that moment they never abandoned me... They were just waiting for me to help myself so they could do what families do... Offer support and help when necessary...

I have two college degrees, I've owned two businesses and I'm currently working on getting myself into the fastlane... All of this was because of two things:

My family cutting me off...

My DECISION to clean up and be a productive member of society...

It might be hard but you need to cut off that brother and let happen what will happen... He may clean up, he might go to prison or he might die... You aren't going to do any of those things to him.... He will do them to himself.... If he can clean up then he can receive all the love and caring a brother is willing to provide... BUT not until he's clean...

P.S. I was in the opposite position when I got out of prison with my ex-girlfriend... I had to cut her off due to her continued drug use and she died a year later from an overdose...

P.P.S. My life is far from perfect and I've had quite a few bumps along the way but I always come back to making a DECISION... Have I had enough? Do I want to stop? Change? I think you get the idea...

Wish you the best but get the F*ck out of that situation...

 

[Chitown]

and all this "cut the ties" advice is much easier said than done.

@VDon,

I respectfully disagree.

I didn't talk to my dad for a cumulative total of ten years because he felt a blood right to not only count my money but put his hand in my pocket whenever he felt like it.

@AllenCrawley, @MJ DeMarco and @Vigilante,

True story...

Thirteen years ago my father wanted my social security number on a business bank account so he could do a pineapple deal in Ghana or somewhere. WTF? I told him no way! He called me everything but a child of GOD. We didn't speak for three years after that argument...and I didn't give a flying F*ck!

I love my father but I got tired of the bullshit.

@MrSterlock,

Several posters have suggested you seek expert and/or familial help - which I don't disagree with, for the record. However, there have been solid, non-medical suggestions offered by others, here, that sound like anecdotal evidence based on their own experience or those close to them. I encourage the former, yet, don't discourage the latter.

I wish you well. That's a lot to ask a young man - just beginning his adult life journey - to handle.

 

[VDon]

@VDon,

I respectfully disagree.

I think there is a huge difference between cutting ties with your delusional father and abandoning a depressed mother and a confused younger brother, who both might end up in the streets.


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[Chazmania]

Some people are just hell bent on sinking their own ships. Don't sink with them.

^^^This^^^

 

[Chitown]

I think there is a huge difference between cutting ties with your delusional father and abandoning a depressed mother and a confused younger brother, who both might end up in the streets.

@VDon,

Fair enough.

However, at some point grown folks (Mom) have to start taking responsibility for their own actions and teenagers (Younger Brother) have to understand there are consequences for engaging in stupid behavior. Destroying the inside of a house that your older brother is doing his best to get ready for a profitable sale - that will, hopefully, help Mom and Younger Brother - qualifies as stupid behavior in my book.

Mom being depressed is serious business - she needs help. As another poster pointed out, she - domiciled in a multi-million dollar property - was doing well along the way in her life journey. Something obviously happened that sent her into a dark space. The OP doesn't mention Dad in his post but I assume he's not in the picture. It could've been a nasty divorce, death, etc. Hell, he could've run off with the secretary - I don't know and it's none of my business. But that would certainly help explain some of the acting out that Younger Brother is doing.

I've been alive long enough to look back in my elementary school years [Head Start - 8th Grade in Chicago's school system] and think about all my classmates who came to class disheveled and confused. There's no telling what was happening in their respective homes and families. They were probably dealing with this type of stuff, which is too much of an albatross to yoke onto this young man's shoulders.

Cutting off his family is something he already stated he's not willing to do. I have no problem with that, as we all have to walk our own road. But I've been in the position of family members projecting their problems onto you and looking askance when you have the nerve to tell them to kick rocks. The mental real estate taken up by such people is draining. I refuse to do it, anymore.

I hope his family gets the help that they need.

 

[MitchM]

After 4 months I feel that it's worth updating this thread. My mom is doing a lot better these past couple of months and has gotten out of her depression. It feels amazing to see her out of bed and working to make things better. She has even been laying her foot down with my brother and has finally decided to send him somewhere that he can get help after he graduates.

In the past two months he has totaled two cars and just recently got a DUI which will undoubtedly be expensive. Other than that- and I know it sounds f*cked up to say - but relative to how he was just a couple of months ago he has been doing really well lately too.

We are still in the house and my mom has someone paying off the mortgage and giving us two more months before interest starts. At least that is what she tells me. It will be a loan of 1 mil and 8 percent interests.

Right now she has enough money to get her through a couple more months. We are hoping the house will sell this summer. So far our realtor hasn't been much help and I am thinking about making another post on that for advice.

Even though things aren't going well by the standards of many I have noticed a strong positive upward trend and I can't help but feel that my commitment is what has made it happen. It makes me feel proud to see my family coming back together and setting the stage for what I believe will be a bright future.

Some posts earlier said that I should completely abandon, and while I understood the advice I chose to simply add distance for the sake of mental clarity and my own personal growth. This distance allowed me to leave and have a social life and work on fastlane endeavors - which in turn allowed me to come home and give the kind of love and support they really need.

So, I consider many emotional hurdles faced - now what needs to be done is selling this F*cking house!

 

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