Mindset? Doubts, fears, limitations, etc.

[AndrewNC]

I've been doing NLP, hypnosis, and a few more toolboxes of techniques to help people achieve results faster by helping them get out of their own way. Not in the sense of practical advice, but about mindset - which is 80% of the game when you get started....

So, after a few years of doing this full time, I finally feel qualified to have an AMA on this - List any fears, doubts, limiting beliefs, or any mental limitations/mindset things you need help with, and I am here to help you get through them....

 

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[texus2]

Thanks Andrew for taking time for us on this post.

Simple, but maybe deep question:

How can I build a good mindset?
I mean, reading some motivational / entrepreneur books is the one thing, but on the other side you need an idea to execute.
How can i get my mindset to the point, where i just find MY way, MY idea, MY execution?

No matter what i like to start, i have doubts and fears. I know it is good, because you can learn on that point evenutally the best but these aspects ruins my view of what i think i might gonna do in the future.

 

[OVOvince]

i wasted a whole year at a tech company and I should have left earlier. This forum actually helped me get out of that mess and forced me to be honest in evaluating that situation that I wanted to force badly because I thought it was a great opportunity. I did learn some rudimentary lessons tho and gained conceptual knowledge of corporate finance and whatnot that I had not before.

But I still find myself wondering if I failed forward enough to be comfortable with it or not. I used to always tell myself I could've learned anything I learned in that year just in a matter of a few months.

I really don't care anymore but when I'm at a low point that's one of the first things that comes up. I just want to know how it's possible to come with peace with certain things completely. to be able to just move on quicker.


Thanks man.

 

[luniac]

I'm not financially free but i am almost 3 years into my fastlane journey and I now find this to be true:
https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/does-it-hurt-bad-enough.55733/

No amount of mental masturbation is gonna do anything, it has to HURT.
I sacrificed so much in the last 3 years because it HURTS, i literally can't stop because i need the HURT to go way.

The only difference between me and my coworkers is that what hurts me doesn't hurt them. Why is not important.

 

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[AndrewNC]

Thanks Andrew for taking time for us on this post.

Simple, but maybe deep question:

How can I build a good mindset?
I mean, reading some motivational / entrepreneur books is the one thing, but on the other side you need an idea to execute.
How can i get my mindset to the point, where i just find MY way, MY idea, MY execution?

No matter what i like to start, i have doubts and fears. I know it is good, because you can learn on that point evenutally the best but these aspects ruins my view of what i think i might gonna do in the future.

The reason I built a personal development company is because I had a TERRIBLE mindset before I did. So I immersed myself in this information for years, and now people say i'm crazy if I ever had a negative mindset....so the cool part about this, for you, is that most of the time was spent learning the tools to help build a mindset.

So for you, the good mindset is actually already there within you. It's just being drowned out by the noise and emotions that get in the way (the negative stuff).

For your doubts....
Don't they seem so real?

From a psychological perspective, these doubts are nothing more than 'echos' that are ringing through your mind still, left over from things other people said. They are actually not a part of who you really are.

When you listen to one of those doubts? Who's voice is it? It's not yours....for most people It's the voice of your parents.

From 0-10 - how loud is it? Sometimes those low-volume voices are quite hypnotic and soothing, so they sound so real....When you get the volume, turn it up, then turn it down to see which one impacts you the least.

Now, move that voice of doubt from the inside of your mind, to the outside. Maybe put it in front of you, to the left, to the right, behind you.....whatever it sounds least believable.

Then, switch the voice from whosever voice it was....and turn it into Eric Cartman from southwark...or the high pitched sound of alvin and the chipmunks.

You won't be changing the words at first,but when you recognize that this voice of doubt is not you at all - and you learn to change the fine details of the voice, you can change the way it impacts you.

Also, when you hear that voice popping up again, begin to feel your feet. Feel first your toes, and put all of your awareness on the bottom of your heels, feet, and toes at the same time. Then, open up your peripheral vision, and take in everything you can at once without analyzing anything.

Those are two techniques to get out of your head.

More about your doubts - Has there ever been something you didn't know how to do, and now you are convinced you can do it?

In our minds, we have a thing called the "Convincer Strategy"

When you fulfill your personal convincer strategy, you break the threshold from "I can't do this" to being confident that you can....

So when you think of something you want to do - when will you know that you are convinced you can do it?

• Do you have to hear about it?
• Do you have to see someone else do it?
• Do you have to experience it yourself? (once?_
• Do you have to experience it multiple times? (How many times)

It may help to use this questioning on a related topic in the past. So for someone I helped with this, they didn't have confidence doing cold emails. Their convincer strategy is that they had to get a positive reply 3 times.

Once they got a positive reply 3 times, they were convinced they could do it. And they broke that threshold of the doubt being 100% gone forever.

It's really that quick and simple - Find the convincer strategy and fulfill it, so you have already replaced the doubt with confidence.

On top of that - the mind can't tell the difference between real and imagined events - so there are processes to fulfil that convincer strategy and give you the confidence before you take action in the real world, so the first time you do something, you have that confidence.

But that's beyond this post....In this world, just fulfill it normally.

I'll respond to you fears next...

 

[AndrewNC]

Fears...

Well you already experienced for yourself firsthand that the doubts are not real....so let's finally realize that fears are not real either.

The only fear we have is the fear of the unknown (which we relate to the fear of death).

This fear is built into our DNA from our tribal days tens of thousands of years ago. It's just kind of left over. You see, when we left the comfort zone of the tribe, it meant death. You left the safety and the resources of what has been keeping you alive up until this point. And then when people ventured out of the tribe, they were never heard from again...and most people assumed they died.

But what if they found a much better place to live instead, and that is why they never came back to the life they used to live?

Who knows.

So think of your comfort zone as a circle that you are inside, and it represents the barriers of the tribal village.

And inside that circle are all the things you've done before and are comfortable doing.

Outside of the circle is pure darkness. You can't see more than 5 feet in front of you.

So you wait....and you wait....and you wait a few more years. But then you realize that by staying in your circle, you never experienced anything new in your life. You're waiting for the circle to make itself bigger.

So you fear the unknown because you didn't experience it yet.

When you step into the unknown, you will see and experience these new things....and when you look back, you will realize that your circle just got a little bit bigger.

Then a lot bigger.

Then, when you make the change from standing at the edge of the circle, and not taking that next step, you thrive on the unknown. And you can't run fast enough towards new experiences in life.

Yeah, so fear isn't real - it's just that you didn't step out of your circle into the unknown enough yet. Do it until you make it a habit.

It's a lot safer than the wilderness when you do this in 2016...

For your idea to execute....

All roads lead to the same destination.

What is the type of life you want to live? For me - backpacking through asia, running a business from a laptop, having employees grow my business while i'm gone....

It doesn't matter if I start a dog magazine or a consulting company.....all roads lead me to..the type of life I want to live.

If there is a niche you're passionate about (and you can fill a need in that niche) - those two together will keep you pushing forward. Look for problems to solve...not ideas.

 

[AndrewNC]

I just want to know how it's possible to come with peace with certain things completely. to be able to just move on quicker.

People are primarily past, present, or future oriented.

I used to spend too much time dreaming of the future (and worrying about the future). I would get caught up about thoughts in my mind, and those thoughts in my mind trigger emotions, that make the experience seem so real.

But then I learned something...

The only thing that is real is the present moment. When it is this time today...the time is now. When it is this time tomorrow...the time is still now.

The past and future are nothing but thoughts in our mind....And by shifting the focus to the present moment and asking myself "What can I do today that will get me closer my goal?" and realizing that the only thing that is real now is where I am now....and the steps I take each moment on that straight line towards my destination in the future...that is when I start taking the actions now that will get me to where I want to be.

So what I would do - if this were me...I would take a mental note of ONLY the positive lessons that I learned in the past from this experience, and then ask myself how I can apply them to the journey I am on now. The journey that begins right now, and continues until I reach my goal.

What are those positive lessons that you learned?

Because those lessons actually are going to help you achieve your goal closer now...because life is a learning experience.

If you want complete resolution - Look up youtube videos of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). When you bring up the thoughts that trigger the negative emotions, this technique releases the emotions from the thought, and from your body, so it no longer impacts you the way it has in the past.

There are many many ways to release emotions like this in a matter of minutes...but EFT has been by far the most powerful.

 

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[OVOvince]

People are primarily past, present, or future oriented.

I used to spend too much time dreaming of the future (and worrying about the future). I would get caught up about thoughts in my mind, and those thoughts in my mind trigger emotions, that make the experience seem so real.

But then I learned something...

The only thing that is real is the present moment. When it is this time today...the time is now. When it is this time tomorrow...the time is still now.

The past and future are nothing but thoughts in our mind....And by shifting the focus to the present moment and asking myself "What can I do today that will get me closer my goal?" and realizing that the only thing that is real now is where I am now....and the steps I take each moment on that straight line towards my destination in the future...that is when I start taking the actions now that will get me to where I want to be.

So what I would do - if this were me...I would take a mental note of ONLY the positive lessons that I learned in the past from this experience, and then ask myself how I can apply them to the journey I am on now. The journey that begins right now, and continues until I reach my goal.

What are those positive lessons that you learned?

Because those lessons actually are going to help you achieve your goal closer now...because life is a learning experience.

If you want complete resolution - Look up youtube videos of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). When you bring up the thoughts that trigger the negative emotions, this technique releases the emotions from the thought, and from your body, so it no longer impacts you the way it has in the past.

There are many many ways to release emotions like this in a matter of minutes...but EFT has been by far the most powerful.

amazing. thank you Sensei

 

[AndrewNC]

No amount of mental masturbation is gonna do anything, it has to HURT.
I sacrificed so much in the last 3 years because it HURTS, i literally can't stop because i need the HURT to go way.

The only difference between me and my coworkers is that what hurts me doesn't hurt them. Why is not important.

So we have one of a few filters in our mind:

1. You (personally) are either more driven to take action by running away from immediate pain, or
2. You (personally) are driven to take action by running towards immediate pleasure.

Or it can be a mixture of both.

Ask yourself this: Why do I want to build a business?

Your answer could either be "I want to escape my job" or "I want the freedom to travel" or whatever it is. Don't pay attention to the content, pay attention to the structure. The first hints that you primarily run away from pain, while the second would indicate towards pleasure.

Notice again, that I said the word immediate. Our unconscious mind does not process time. It is either painful enough now or it's not. Allen hit a breaking point by responding to natural, outside circumstances. I hit the same breaking point...naturally.

But when you realize that you can create that immediate pain yourself, you won't have to wait for that rock bottom. I used words last night painting a picture of how bad it is when my client never stops procrastinating. I fast forwarded him on his timeline to when he's 5 years older living the same miserable life he is now...with his parents....broke...alone.

I described it to be soo painful for him, and got him fully associated with that future painful memory, that it caused immediate pain in the present moment.

Our brain can't tell a difference between real and imagined, so I created the imagined event of pain happening now to drive him. This way he doesn't have to experience that pain in the real world...because he's already taking action.

Write a few $100 checks, and give them to a trusted friend.... Say "I have to ______ by midnight tonight, or you get to cash one". This way if you fail top take action, you get the immediate pain. If you take action, you get the check back (immediate pleasure).

Mental masturbation - or perhaps motivational videos/affirmations/etc. work very well... if somebody has a really big "towards pleasure" filter...but most people are to busy running away from pain and hold that filter.

You don't have to change your filter, but work within your filter today and you won't have to feel more pain in the real world...

 

[luniac]

So we have one of a few filters in our mind:

1. You (personally) are either more driven to take action by running away from immediate pain, or
2. You (personally) are driven to take action by running towards immediate pleasure.

Or it can be a mixture of both.

Ask yourself this: Why do I want to build a business?

Your answer could either be "I want to escape my job" or "I want the freedom to travel" or whatever it is. Don't pay attention to the content, pay attention to the structure. The first hints that you primarily run away from pain, while the second would indicate towards pleasure.

Notice again, that I said the word immediate. Our unconscious mind does not process time. It is either painful enough now or it's not. Allen hit a breaking point by responding to natural, outside circumstances. I hit the same breaking point...naturally.

But when you realize that you can create that immediate pain yourself, you won't have to wait for that rock bottom. I used words last night painting a picture of how bad it is when my client never stops procrastinating. I fast forwarded him on his timeline to when he's 5 years older living the same miserable life he is now...with his parents....broke...alone.

I described it to be soo painful for him, and got him fully associated with that future painful memory, that it caused immediate pain in the present moment.

Our brain can't tell a difference between real and imagined, so I created the imagined event of pain happening now to drive him. This way he doesn't have to experience that pain in the real world...because he's already taking action.

Write a few $100 checks, and give them to a trusted friend.... Say "I have to ______ by midnight tonight, or you get to cash one". This way if you fail top take action, you get the immediate pain. If you take action, you get the check back (immediate pleasure).

Mental masturbation - or perhaps motivational videos/affirmations/etc. work very well... if somebody has a really big "towards pleasure" filter...but most people are to busy running away from pain and hold that filter.

You don't have to change your filter, but work within your filter today and you won't have to feel more pain in the real world...

Running away from pain is going to the pub on friday night after work to get drunk.
For whatever reason I'm strong enough to face my problem head on and chip away at it 1 day at a time.
I don't need to think 5 years into the future, my job exists now. 5 days a week, forever.
It's simple.

 

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[AndrewNC]

"Do those things you were planning on doing in the future, now."

 

[luniac]

"Do those things you were planning on doing in the future, now."

I can't afford to, literally.

 

[AndrewNC]

I can't afford to, literally.

Hey,

So I'm sorry if come across blunt...what I'm saying will offend you because it challenges your belief system....You probably won't like me for what I say...but I'll just go ahead and say it because it's the information I feel you need to hear.

I could spend a couple of hours using all my tools to help you alone - by my goal is to help the most number of people possible...you keep saying things on here to re-enforce a negative belief about your life. You are justifying being in the position I can tell deep down you want to be in.

I had a mentor once who tried to help me through a negative mindset, and I resisted, I resisted, and I did it some more. Whenever he said something....I was ready to reply back proving that I am right...and that the reason I am in my life is because of X,Y, and Z. 2 years later, I realized he was right.

He never got through to me because I resisted the new information (Which turned out to be right), and I never listened to him. He gave up, and I remained trapped in my midnset thinking everything was wrong in my life for a while....

I write this because I don't want you to fall into that same mistake I made.

When I was in that position, if he said something to me such as "When you take the action, you'll find a way to afford to. " - I would have probably done something that put me in a position to take action, and then when I gave up and things were worse off, I would have blamed him for giving me bad advice.

I would have went into the situation (unconsciously) trying to fail....sounds weird but it's true - just to prove that I am right about who I thought I was.

Whatever you think you are...you are so much more than that.

We literally live in the world where our current circumstances and past experiences don't matter at all. Your beliefs are not real. If you believe you can't afford to...that is the reason you can. But when you start looking for ways to afford to, and act as if you're the person who can afford to....you will start getting new results.

BEING. DOING. HAVING.

This forum focuses on the DOING part - so we know you need to take actions, but my busienss of helping others focuses on BEING. Realize that you can create positive beliefs and expectations...and when you make that change on the inside - the world around you will shift.

So my best advice is to get ready to accept that you are so much more than the person you thought you were...and that the only thing holding you back is NOT your outside circumstances at all, but your inner view of the world.

Anyhow - a version of myself who said the same thing you said back in 2013 would snap back at my comments...and that got me nowhere. So hopefully being aware that you can choose to change your beliefs now will resonate better with you than it did with me.

 

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[W4RHRSE]

Great thread and something I feel i can talk about here. This could be very therapeutic...

My fear is simply (and complexly): fear of failure.

Not in the standard sense of being afraid of stepping off the ledge, my issue runs a bit deeper.

I have done MLMs (not proud to admit it, but there you go). I had fun and was able to do them with great ease.

But with this business I am building right now... This is mine. This isn't someone else's marketing system or opprotunity... This is mine. I don't want my company to fail. I fear that if it does it will effect me. There would be no one else to blame or point at (and that is not the issue), but this business is MINE.

It seems so weird to see these words and see how almost meaningless they seem, but none the less, I am afraid of failing myself and my own brand.

This is a steep learning curve. I have already started making a prototype and am looking to get an LLc, so I am moving forward, but failing at something that is so personal to me is my biggest fear.

There.... I said it

 

[AndrewNC]

But with this business I am building right now... This is mine. This isn't someone else's marketing system or opprotunity... This is mine. I don't want my company to fail. I fear that if it does it will effect me. There would be no one else to blame or point at (and that is not the issue), but this business is MINE.

It seems so weird to see these words and see how almost meaningless they seem, but none the less, I am afraid of failing myself and my own brand.

Hmm, I'd entertain the possibility that you're thoughts have nothing to do with fearing failure.

In our mind, we have these unconscious pictures.

So, imagine for a moment that your business fails. Your brand has failed....

Bring up a mental picture in your imagination and see yourself in that picture with the worst possible outcome. See that picture about 5 feet in front of you to the right, framed nice and small like the size of an iPad. Make it black and white, and really see what would happen if you fail.

That picture in your mind is literally what your thoughts are. So when you see yourself failing - like in this picture, you are projecting your outcome before it happens.

Those pictures in our mind (your thoughts) are the trigger for emotions.

Watch this video, memorize it, and learn how to do it....because when you focus on that fear of failing....you are now going to release the emotions that are attached to that thought. The fear is the emotions that keep that thought feel stuck in place....

They make all of this negative stuff FEEL AND SEEM REAL....even though you already admitted they are not.

She doesn't do it specifically for fear - but learn her ways - accept and embrace that the fear is there...really accept it.

When you tap on the specific points on your body, these points are hooked up to your emotional system - and when you do this through 2 cycles, bring up that picture again...and notice how it changes.

Notice how you change in the picture.

When you do this, you'll notice that regardless of where you are in life, and what happens, you are the same person. So that person you want to become one day who has those results....you will notice that you are already that person.

When you release the emotion, it releases the thought...and releases the possibility of failing, so when you do this you can't not succeed.

I usually do this on Skype and theres more that I can do to help more, but this is the basics to release the fear- so teach yourself to do the EFT - and do it on yourself - if you still need help - PM me and I can resolve it for you in 10 minutes.

This is a steep learning curve. I have already started making a prototype and am looking to get an LLc, so I am moving forward, but failing at something that is so personal to me is my biggest fear.

For this, think again of those mental pictures in your imagination....your unconscious mind.

The only part of the sentence you should pay attention to is the first "Steep learning curve". Bring up that mental picture of the learning curve being steep....like it's at an incline.

Now, adjust and change that mental picture in your mind of it being steep...maybe make it a short walkway that is flat...or you are walking downhill. lock that new learning to be the easiest Internal Representation (picture) for you, and notice how your entire view of the topic changes.

 

[AndrewNC]

Kind of going on the "steep learning curve" comment again - but in general.

For anybody reading this, think of a big obstacle that stands in front of you right now. Something that might be a big feat, or take a long time to do.

Last night I was chilling with another Fastlaner here in Boulder and his Internal Picture of what he had to do stretched out far into the distance, and he assumed it would take until the end of December to accomplish the task he needed to accomplish.

The CONTENT of the task doesn't matter...but the STRUCTURE does.

So the firs thing I did was NOT give him business advice, and simply have him imagine that picture of that long timeline, and had him stretch it down to be really short....very close to him.

Once he locked it in place, imagining the sound of the car door shutting....he had an immediate epiphany....

Instead of going out and sourcing 100 products himself for his brand, throughout the year, we recently got in contact with a sourcing specialist in china - who can do all the work for him, for $200.

The total amount of time to get all his products selected and negotiations started with the manufacturers.....a month or two, tops.

The main realization is that those "larger goals" or goals that "take longer" to accomplish ONLY...I repeat ONLY...are larger or take longer because of that mental picture in your mind....

When you shrink down a big obstacle to the size of a stepping stone, you make it easier to do, and you find a way. For example - boot strapping for $100,000 vs opening up a line of credit for $100,000 - the second option will allow him to import more products sooner.

So, my lesson here is to pay attention to those mental pictures in your mind when you face an obstacle.

How big are they?
How long are they into the future

Move those pictures, and change your mindset instantly...and you will begin to notice quicker and easier results on the outside.

 

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[luniac]

Hey,

So I'm sorry if come across blunt...what I'm saying will offend you because it challenges your belief system....You probably won't like me for what I say...but I'll just go ahead and say it because it's the information I feel you need to hear.

I could spend a couple of hours using all my tools to help you alone - by my goal is to help the most number of people possible...you keep saying things on here to re-enforce a negative belief about your life. You are justifying being in the position I can tell deep down you want to be in.

I had a mentor once who tried to help me through a negative mindset, and I resisted, I resisted, and I did it some more. Whenever he said something....I was ready to reply back proving that I am right...and that the reason I am in my life is because of X,Y, and Z. 2 years later, I realized he was right.

He never got through to me because I resisted the new information (Which turned out to be right), and I never listened to him. He gave up, and I remained trapped in my midnset thinking everything was wrong in my life for a while....

I write this because I don't want you to fall into that same mistake I made.

When I was in that position, if he said something to me such as "When you take the action, you'll find a way to afford to. " - I would have probably done something that put me in a position to take action, and then when I gave up and things were worse off, I would have blamed him for giving me bad advice.

I would have went into the situation (unconsciously) trying to fail....sounds weird but it's true - just to prove that I am right about who I thought I was.

Whatever you think you are...you are so much more than that.

We literally live in the world where our current circumstances and past experiences don't matter at all. Your beliefs are not real. If you believe you can't afford to...that is the reason you can. But when you start looking for ways to afford to, and act as if you're the person who can afford to....you will start getting new results.

BEING. DOING. HAVING.

This forum focuses on the DOING part - so we know you need to take actions, but my busienss of helping others focuses on BEING. Realize that you can create positive beliefs and expectations...and when you make that change on the inside - the world around you will shift.

So my best advice is to get ready to accept that you are so much more than the person you thought you were...and that the only thing holding you back is NOT your outside circumstances at all, but your inner view of the world.

Anyhow - a version of myself who said the same thing you said back in 2013 would snap back at my comments...and that got me nowhere. So hopefully being aware that you can choose to change your beliefs now will resonate better with you than it did with me.

I did say literally, as in i currently do not have the funds to do all the things i want.

I do believe i can get there with persistence action and learning.

I get what you're saying though, i just don think i have that issue with my fastlane approach
, if anything i may be too confident in my goals, but that must be from years of slowlane thinking.

Im good man lol. Ive self reflected countless times trying to understand why i do what i do. I think the why is less important than the end result, which is me being happy.

We dont live in a vacuum, we cant just be internally happy without external factors supporting it.

To be happy i need freedom, but not the live in jungle freedom, i need modern civilization freedom, i cant create that in my mind. My coworkers did though and look how that turns out... slowlane.

U see what im saying, if i was happy inside, it would trick me to ignore my slowlane life. My unhappiness was a catalyst that forced me to look for a problem and i found it, slowlane imprisonment.

Im glad im not a happy person, it gives me the drive i need to change my life.

 

[Jay T]

Andrew, thank you for doing this AMA. I've been working on my mindset for the past few months and found this really useful.

• How do you deal with negative triggers, specifically "revenge" type thoughts. For example, 5 years ago my friend tried to steal a significant amount of money from me. I've accepted this and have tried to move on, but I find myself every now and then thinking about it, which makes me feel negative and distracted for a few minutes until I snap out of it.
• Building on the idea of negative triggers, how do you deal with the "loneliness of the entrepreneur journey?" I.e. in the Third Circle Theory, Pejman explains that as you build your entourage, you'll no longer feel the same way about your old friends and will constantly be seeking people who have similar goals and values as you. So you end up blaming and saying to your old friends "well if you weren't here for me during my struggles, then screw you" (paraphrasing).
• I really like your interpretation of dealing with the present and not focusing on the future or "dream" like thoughts. What's your take on affirmations (i.e. from Think and Grow Rich)? I tried affirmations but felt they didn't work for me. Just interested in hearing your thoughts on this.

 

[MotiveInMotion]

Andrew, our content and mission are very similar. I think we should co-create some cool content for our audiences and see who can get value from our combined mindsets bro. If you're interested, send me a PM! Just left a comment on your website BTW

 

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