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Managing Sucessful Relationships

Topics relating to managing people and relationships

Olimac21

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A massive thank you for all the gold advice!

I took action and dropped some toxic relationships, already experimenting positive changes and will now do some reading around recommended books and be assertive with MY needs (without being an a**hole).
 
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Dave Daily

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I was wondering how do you manage key relationships in your life? (i.e friends, girlfriends/boyfriends, family)

I tend to be more to the "giver" in a relationship however that puts me on a needy side of things and I absolutely hate that. Lately I decided not to give attention to relationships that are not reciprocal but I am afraid this will lead me to a lonely place sooner or later.

Have read books like "how to win friends and influence people", "give and take" and "never eat alone" and the big problem is these books put you in the good listener/add value kind of person, but does not deal directly on how to decide when to drop out a relationship,explain your needs, etc.

My .02. Don't worry about what other people think. F*ck that. What do you want to do/be? (doo be do be doo...lol) When you are spending your time becoming something of value by making valuable things, you become attractive to the people you'll actually want in your life. Then you actually have something to give. And people will appreciate it. Customers will get good products. Family will get strength, time with you, and economic stability. Etc.

Give your time to yourself first, then like a powerful magnet, the right sorts of people will enter your life, because of the value you bring.

Don't stop until you love what you see in the mirror. By that time, you'll likely be surrounded by many admirers because of the value you give.

P.S. I'm no where near this level of success, so this is do as I say—however—I am in the process of doing. At some point in your life, you have to win a private victory (Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). That private victory is self-mastery and skill-mastery. I'm on the same journey, so I'm talking to myself as much as to you.
 
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Olimac21

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So I have been doing some re-reading with David Deida´s book "The way of the superior man" and got to a big question:

In terms of purpose, what happens if y
My .02. Don't worry about what other people think. f*ck that. What do you want to do/be? (doo be do be doo...lol) When you are spending your time becoming something of value by making valuable things, you become attractive to the people you'll actually want in your life. Then you actually have something to give. And people will appreciate it. Customers will get good products. Family will get strength, time with you, and economic stability. Etc.

Give your time to yourself first, then like a powerful magnet, the right sorts of people will enter your life, because of the value you bring.

Don't stop until you love what you see in the mirror. By that time, you'll likely be surrounded by many admirers because of the value you give.

P.S. I'm no where near this level of success, so this is do as I say—however—I am in the process of doing. At some point in your life, you have to win a private victory (Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). That private victory is self-mastery and skill-mastery. I'm on the same journey, so I'm talking to myself as much as to you.

Thank you! I am aware of this and I practice the mentality of becoming very good then everything will come into place.

Thats a great book have read it a couples of times, simple and practical.
 
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Olimac21

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For those who have read "The way of the superior man" by David Deida.

I re-read the book and have some points to discuss, perhaps those a bit older than myself can relate to or are able to give very good answers:

1. In terms of purpose, how clear you are with this? I feel I have my purpose and act upon it, however to be 100% honest it goes more into the general side rather than specific. My purpose is "teach others the valuable lessons you have gotten until now", "seek freedom and autonomy over status and power" and "do not be an a**hole or treat people the way you do not want to be treated" should these be fragmented into smaller pieces?

2. I really the message living on the edge and is something I have practiced perhaps to the point of burning out sometimes (too much chaos or long periods of uncertainty). How can you at the edge for a long time without reaching burnout or frustration? Really liked what I heard from Jordan Peterson the other day: "Ideally you want to keep one foot in order and another one in chaos", in other words how you stay excited and motivated over a long period of time?

3. With relation to woman, would you put this as a key cornerstone in your life? As any young person I like to be around woman and ideally in a very good relationship with a really good person plus I also enjoy an occasional casual night or date without too much formality, but there are times were I have neglected that need for a medium-term because of work that I have done or just an environment where there are more guys than girls making it ultra competitive. Is this an aspect that should not be neglected at all? How do you normally take it?
 

Frandollow

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Hey mate,

I need your help about keeping a good relationship I made via an interracial website. I am newbie and don't have much idea about dating. But honestly, I met her few months ago. She is from another country. There is a long distance between she and me. Now I am looking to get some good tips to keep it for long term. I think an interracial dating articles can help me a lot. What's your thought in this? Though I read few interrracial articles Best interracial online dating sites - Top and new sites list with reviews. If you have another suggestion please let me know. Thank you!
 
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Niptuck MD

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WJK

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Hey mate,

I need your help about keeping a good relationship I made via an interracial website. I am newbie and don't have much idea about dating. But honestly, I met her few months ago. She is from another country. There is a long distance between she and me. Now I am looking to get some good tips to keep it for long term. I think an interracial dating articles can help me a lot. What's your thought in this? Though I read few interrracial articles Best interracial online dating sites - Top and new sites list with reviews. If you have another suggestion please let me know. Thank you!
You're creating a fantasy rather than a real relationship. By her being far away, you can infuse that "relationship" with all kinds of stuff that has nothing to do with who she is.
You must ask yourself:
Why is she doing the online thing?
What does she want out of it?
How many of these connections does she have going -- are you just one of the rustler?
Why are you spending your time this way rather than finding someone in your little world?
From an older woman's point of view -- here's my advice. The biggest factors which carry a relationship longterm is friendship and shared values. I married my husband when I was 50 years old -- 14 years ago. I had been single for 17 years before that.
He is my best friend, and that friendship is why I married him.
(I worked in a man dominated business world so I had many various offers from other men over those 17 years. I turned down all of them)
As a couple, we see things very similarly. Neither of us cheats, lies, nor steals. He's the hardest working man I know. I admire his smarts, mechanical abilities, and his work ethics.
What I'm trying to tell you is to become the man that a good woman would want to have in her life. Be a good friend. Have stellar ethics and work habits. Be humble and kind.
Oh, and the lynchpin for me -- in all these years, I've never heard my husband say one unkind word about his sisters or his mother. He treats them with great kindness. I figured if he were kind to them, he'd treat me the same way. I was right about that!
 

Olimac21

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Hey again guys,

One question: how do you make close friendships when you are in a new place and both yourself+ other people are super busy? Anyone has experienced this already?
 
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WJK

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Hey again guys,

One question: how do you make close friendships when you are in a new place and both yourself+ other people are super busy? Anyone has experienced this already?
All the time... Close friendships take time and consideration. I have my outside circle and an inner circle. Very few people get into my inner circle. Those friendships take a lot of time and effort. And I test people a lot before I let them in. No bad guys need to apply. I have friendships that go back 30, 40 and 50 years. Those people are real keepers. I am honored to call them my friends.
 

Eisenstein

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I was wondering how do you manage key relationships in your life? (i.e friends, girlfriends/boyfriends, family)

I tend to be more to the "giver" in a relationship however that puts me on a needy side of things and I absolutely hate that. Lately I decided not to give attention to relationships that are not reciprocal but I am afraid this will lead me to a lonely place sooner or later.

Have read books like "how to win friends and influence people", "give and take" and "never eat alone" and the big problem is these books put you in the good listener/add value kind of person, but does not deal directly on how to decide when to drop out a relationship,explain your needs, etc.

Hey Olimac :) I think I'm managing my relationship very well, since I've never been so happy in my life and that is for many years now. Indeed, my boyfriend (the love of my life) is the reason(motivation) why I keep myself busy with how I/we can become rich, so we become time-rich to enjoy our time together! Actually, now, we're spending every day together and I want to keep it this way.

I can only give you advice that worked for me. But these are my points:

1) Don't make too many compromises/sacrifices. Everyone, who is mediocre, will tell you, that you have to make many compromises to make the relationship work and this is a LIE. Let's look how the relationships of such people look like: settle for less (like always), being unhappy, divorcing and drama, drama, drama. And that's with 30 and not with 16. So -- NO, if you have to make serious sacrifices about yourself, then go better sooner than later. I can recommend you "How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World" by Harry Browne.

2) Concentrate your relationships. Maybe it's a bad idea to have too many friends (this is only my opinion). My boyfriend is the one and only friend by now. Well, of course, I was thinking a lot about this: Do I need more friends? But the thing is ... my boyfriend seems to be all I need LOL. We're spending so much time and it never gets boring, it is wonderful and I love it. I came to the conclusion, if you concentrate on such a relationship you can have very intensive moments you wouldn't have if you spend regularly some hours a week with different persons. I mean -- the other one, who spends his life-time with you, knows you better than anyone else -- and you know him better than anyone else. It's very intimate and thats a beautiful feeling. Especially when you grow old together.

3) Look for people you don't need vacation from. These are people, you feel miraculously awesome when you spend time with them. Please read: https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/12/10-types-odd-friendships-youre-probably-part.html and then, spend as much time as you can with them. Like 24 hours a day, if possible, so you feel always good.

Have a nice day :)
 

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the big problem is these books put you in the good listener/add value kind of person, but does not deal directly on how to decide when to drop out a relationship,explain your needs, etc.

I just discovered this thread, so I'm starting at the first post.

You are right that relationship building, whether in family, friendship, love, community, or business, involves skills that we can learn. Many of us did not get any kind of education on these skills. I graduated from college with a good understanding of how the Fed controls the money supply, but not a single class about how to succeed in relationships. Fortunately, there are many excellent resources to learn these things as an adult, like books, classes, and workships, that cover exactly the kind of topics you asked about.

Here are several entry points to people who, like you (and me) see these are very important skills worth learning, practicing, and improving.

Any bookstore or library in London should be able to help you get started. Simply ask if they are strong in their collection of personal growth and relationship skills focused materials, and who else has good collections in those areas.

Look for meetup groups focused on building friendships and improving relationship skills.

If there's some kind of community recreation center near you, pick up their flyer and see if there are some adult education classes on relationship skills.

Do a youtube search for different questions, such as "how to build strong loving relationships," and "how to understand when it's time to leave a relationship."

Look for Reddit discussion groups on these themes, and use the Reddit toolbar to start with the top rated posts of all time.

Stop by a New Age shop that sells crystals, tarot cards, angel figurines, etc. They will likely carry a free monthly magazine that lists a lot of events, some free, some paid. 90% of the events will be about crystals, tarot cards, angels, etc. The other 10% will be about how to succeed in thriving relationships.

If you try out several of these techniques, and find which work for you, within a few weeks you can be enmeshed in a new circle of acquaintances and growing friendships with people who really care about high quality relationships.

The feminism argument took this thread way off the rails. Send me a note directly if you'd like suggestions on resources dealing with specific topics inside this very wide area of life.

I would suggest that since this particular thread seems to have become hopelessly off topic relative to the original question, a new thread be made, something like "Managing Successful Relationships, this time without arguing about feminism," for those who'd like to participate in a discussion about the original post.
 
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Late Bloomer

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There are less women entrepreneurs than men entrepreneurs. As a result, there are less women at any entrepreneur forum than men.

Also, MJ wrote the book he wished he would have had when he was younger... when he was a younger man, trying to figure out what kind of man he would be and how he would navigate society and money-making.

It's clear that all ages and genders are welcome to learn from him and participate in the forum. It's also clear that MJ has very successfully followed the premise, "write what you know." Which for him is, what would have changed his life to have known as a young man?

I respect his choice to influence society by a deliberate effort to reach people when they're younger, and to focus first, in his examples and explanations, on those who have the process he is best equipped to influence: those with exactly the same questions he had, when he was a young man.

That said, I think it's no surprise that this forum's greatest demographic, by far, is young men. And within young men, those who are somewhat more aggressive and more go-getters than average... otherwise, why would seriously thinking about the chance to own a Lambo really really appeal to them? A gentle artistic soul eager to build a traditional family first, might not have had the Lambo poster.

I don't think that proves anything about interest in entrepreneurship throughout ALL of American society today. In some pretty extensive interactions with midwestern Millennials and Boomers lately, I've seen about equal interest in business-building among both women and men, with this equal level of interest continuing throughout the decades of life.
 

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Note: (Radical) Feminism is cancer

As a man who's recovered from cancer, doesn't see a need to recover from seeing validity with much of feminism, and is not a radical, I respectfully disagree.

I think the aggressive attack on feminism totally derailed the original value of this thread. The original question was about how to build stronger personal life connections. Unless I missed posts or they were deleted before today, I don't see that anyone suggested that feminism is the primary and best way to improve one's interpersonal skills. Instead, it was preemptively attacked on a straw-man basis.
 

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Why is that so great? Why does it matter at all? Who cares if it’s 20 percent or 80 percent?

If there are a substantial percentage of human beings who could succeed at creating a sustained profitable business, which by definition means helping other people in ways they appreciate... but these people don't do so, for the one and only reason that they feel their gender disqualifies them from that chance, or makes it unlikely for them to succeed or inappropriate to even try... why wouldn't any humanist want to see these human beings freed of such inhumane, negative scripting in their lives?
 
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Late Bloomer

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Thanks MJ for the great books and to all the people on here who helped me out. Good luck to everybody with your entrepreneurial pursuits (even those with whom I have obvious disagreements). Leaving the forum not because of this thread necessarily, but because today for the first time I found myself checking it while my kids were with me and thought, "what am I doing with my life?!" so I've gotta give it the boot.

I hope you'll reconsider.
 

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perhaps this forum is not the right place for a clash of a traditional viewpoint vs. a special interest viewpoint. It's not likely to produce a positive discussion that would be relevant to anything people come to this place to find. There's plenty of places out in the web where this discussion takes place. The OP wasn't hopeful that this thread would devolve into a debate of male/female roles, stereotypes and gender strengths.

I absolutely agree with that.

Also, you mentioned why women entrepreneurs don't come here. It's mostly because of the PUA locker room talk that the mods have doe a pretty good job at stamping out but still pops up every now and again.

In addition to that, there's a very aggressive edge to a substantial percentage (I won't say a majority) of how forum participants communicate... along the lines of "busting yer buddy's balls to make him shape up, the way us young eager guys do." That vibe is very lightly used in MJ's books but is magnified, multiplied and reinforced by some posters here, to the extent that it almost drove me away when I started here.
 

Kak

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If there are a substantial percentage of human beings who could succeed at creating a sustained profitable business, which by definition means helping other people in ways they appreciate... but these people don't do so, for the one and only reason that they feel their gender disqualifies them from that chance, or makes it unlikely for them to succeed or inappropriate to even try... why wouldn't any humanist want to see these human beings freed of such inhumane, negative scripting in their lives?

Just because someone, regardless of gender or race or religion or whatever, decided freely and intentionally to go down one path versus another doesn't mean anything. Let the cards fall where they may. I don't buy the whole "she's not an entrepreneur because she's a woman and women aren't told they can do such things" crap. At least in the USA we are free to go down whatever career path we wish to pursue and that is just fine. Indians are often encouraged to go into medical fields because of their culture. Their culture holds these positions in high regard. A lot of Jews become lawyers. On and on. So freaking what? A lot of them probably view this as a dream job.

Freed from the script... ok I get what you are saying, and unscripted life is worthy virtuous information most are not privvy to, but it still takes a decision to learn, understand, and competently utilize the world around you from our business centric perspective. Only a fraction of people will decide to pick up that book and read it... who cares about the demographics of who those people are? They are simply the people with a propensity or an interest in entrepreneurship.

People are a product of the decisions they make. They might make decisions based on culture, but I argue it's still a free and open decision.
 
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Raoul Duke

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smh

 

Kak

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As a man who's recovered from cancer, doesn't see a need to recover from seeing validity with much of feminism, and is not a radical, I respectfully disagree.

I think the aggressive attack on feminism totally derailed the original value of this thread. The original question was about how to build stronger personal life connections. Unless I missed posts or they were deleted before today, I don't see that anyone suggested that feminism is the primary and best way to improve one's interpersonal skills. Instead, it was preemptively attacked on a straw-man basis.

What you did there was the very definition of a straw man fallacy. You made it seem like @StartToday was attacking cancer patients, he's not. Get off your high horse and stop playing the victim. We have all been affected by cancer.

Presenting that feminism doesn't pertain to relationships, as fact, is ridiculous. It does. Negatively. That is an actual verifiable fact.
 
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There is an art to giving things, you don't just give to be made use of, you make sure to have the other person in a place where they need you, that gives you the power in the relationship to make them give you what you want but if you don't want anything, unless they are close friends/family, don't give them anything.

However it seems if you want to be rich, it's required you become a giver and willing to help total strangers.

The successful members on this forum all seem to advocate this. Even though it contradicts my own life experience, I'm willing to empty my proverbial cup and and try it because it comes down to whether I want to be right or I want to be rich.

I've made a thread for this reason with the sole purpose of helping people, if you're interested in participating, here is the link: Who did you help today? Share your story
 
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Kak

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There is an art to giving things, you don't just give to be made use of, you make sure to have the other person in a place where they need you, that gives you the power in the relationship to make them give you what you want but if you don't want anything, unless they are close friends/family, don't give them anything.

However it seems if you want to be rich, it's required you become a giver and willing to help total strangers.

The successful members on this forum all seem to advocate this. Even though it contradicts my own life experience, I'm willing to empty my proverbial cup and and try it because it comes down to whether I want to be right or I want to be rich.

I've made a thread for this reason with the sole purpose of helping people, if you're interested in participating, here is the link: Who did you help today? Share your story

Good post. Yes, giving and being someone others can rely on is a form of leadership. It absolutely does change perspectives when you can learn to give without expecting a thing in return.
 

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People are a product of the decisions they make. They might make decisions based on culture, but I argue it's still a free and open decision.

I seem to have a more anthropological and sociological view of decisions than you do. I agree that there is always a portion of our experience that is entirely up to our own decisions. Perhaps you might agree that there is always a portion of our experience which involves responding to what others do, in ways that affect us but that we can't control.

Life obviously involves both the part of our own reality that we create by our choices, and the part of our shared reality that others created by their choices.

As far as I know, no MRI brain scan or DNA sequence can get measure the exact percentage of initiative, conditioning, or flexibility of thought within any person. It's only an interpretation of philosophy as to where the dividing line is located. So we are relying on our own interpretations and philosophies of life here.

People of goodwill can lean more towards faith in personal choice or more towards faith in social context. I'll assume goodwill for both of us, in having some different interpretations of life. To go further here for either of us would be more relevant for a philosophy forum, not a business one.

And, we're getting pretty far off the original post in this thread, which is how to better engage with other people on a basis of mutual give-and-take.

I would agree that for most people, personal initiative and use of free will can be increased. Obviously that's a fundamental tenet of these forums, otherwise we wouldn't both be interested in MJ's advocacy of an Unscripted life.

I agree that if more people can be exposed to good guidance about entrepreneurship, and take action on that guidance, and succeed, this is a positive outcome.

What you did there was the very definition of a straw man fallacy. You made it seem like @StartToday was attacking cancer patients, he's not. Get off your high horse and stop playing the victim. We have all been affected by cancer.

Presenting that feminism doesn't pertain to relationships, as fact, is ridiculous. It does. Negatively. That is an actual verifiable fact.

My point was that the term cancer was an inappropriate and unfortunate choice of metaphor. My doctor documented that cancer threatened to kill me within weeks if I did not promptly have surgery and chemo. Feminism has never led to immiment physical destruction, within a matter of weeks, of my very existence as a living, breathing being.

There is absolutely zero positive about cancer in any way. If metastatis is not stopped it is guaranteed to be fatal to every organ exposed to it. While there are some negative extremes of feminism, there are also some valid points within feminism. This is one of the many ways feminism is different from cancer. Unlike organs exposed to cancer, some people exposed to feminism are not influenced by it at all.

The metaphor was over the top rather than factually helpful.

I have never once "played the victim" nor demanded sympathy here for my being a cancer survivor. I do not suffer from a victim mentality regarding my experience with cancer. It's a straw man fallacy to accuse me of such a state of mind. I had counseling from licensed clinical social workers trained and experienced with dealing with cancer patients. They mentioned psychology topics for me to investigate and explore. They did not see me in any way as having the victimization and sympathy-demanding flaws you claim to see in me.

I will not accept anyone on the Internet trying to convince me that these pros who worked with me wwere incompetent at diagnosis. Even if you were a licensed psychologist, I'm not your client. Your personally maligning and impugning me in this way is inappropriate and offensive.

As it relates to my personal context for enterpreneurship, I have presented some facts about my situation here. It is irrelevant to my business activities now, and not mentioned elsewhere I discuss business, unless a business associate becomes a friend or kindly asks about my personal history.

With my postings here that relate to my personal history, some forum members have responded with empathy and compassion in a way that's humane and appropriate. For those who don't, I move on to the next point.

Moving on to the next point, the original post in this thread, it seems to me, was asking for advice about having a more balanced flow of give-and-take in all types of relationships, including personal friendship and business interaction as well as romance, love, and family. I think that's an excellent area to look at for anyone who's interested in personal growth.

Some good things could be said in general about how men and women in general, can interact with other men and women in general, in a gender-neutral way. The flow of give and take, listening and responding to others, is a human experience available equally across genders. I think it was a mistake to narrow the focus of the broad original post to be more specific about romance.

I decline to join in a discussion here of your interpretation of feminism. This is no victory for you and no retreat for me. It's because I think it's not relevant at all for the original post that launched this thread. A good question, which I'm disappointed there wasn't a discussion about before feminism was brought in.

If there was a separate forum topic here about feminism specifically as it relates to entpreneurship, I would participate. I don't see this forum as well equipped for exploration or debate of sociology in general, so I won't join a general debate about sociology in an inappropriate place for it.
 

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All the time... Close friendships take time and consideration. I have my outside circle and an inner circle. Very few people get into my inner circle. Those friendships take a lot of time and effort. And I test people a lot before I let them in. No bad guys need to apply. I have friendships that go back 30, 40 and 50 years. Those people are real keepers. I am honored to call them my friends.
Yes I know this, so thats the challenge because the older you get the less physical/mental space you have to develop a new valuable relationship, especially if you only have space during the weekend or strange times in the week.

For me is not about having 10 close friends but at least have 1-2 I can fully trust and when you are moving to a new place this can be difficult to achieve.
 
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Olimac21

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Hey Olimac :) I think I'm managing my relationship very well, since I've never been so happy in my life and that is for many years now. Indeed, my boyfriend (the love of my life) is the reason(motivation) why I keep myself busy with how I/we can become rich, so we become time-rich to enjoy our time together! Actually, now, we're spending every day together and I want to keep it this way.

I can only give you advice that worked for me. But these are my points:

1) Don't make too many compromises/sacrifices. Everyone, who is mediocre, will tell you, that you have to make many compromises to make the relationship work and this is a LIE. Let's look how the relationships of such people look like: settle for less (like always), being unhappy, divorcing and drama, drama, drama. And that's with 30 and not with 16. So -- NO, if you have to make serious sacrifices about yourself, then go better sooner than later. I can recommend you "How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World" by Harry Browne.

2) Concentrate your relationships. Maybe it's a bad idea to have too many friends (this is only my opinion). My boyfriend is the one and only friend by now. Well, of course, I was thinking a lot about this: Do I need more friends? But the thing is ... my boyfriend seems to be all I need LOL. We're spending so much time and it never gets boring, it is wonderful and I love it. I came to the conclusion, if you concentrate on such a relationship you can have very intensive moments you wouldn't have if you spend regularly some hours a week with different persons. I mean -- the other one, who spends his life-time with you, knows you better than anyone else -- and you know him better than anyone else. It's very intimate and thats a beautiful feeling. Especially when you grow old together.

3) Look for people you don't need vacation from. These are people, you feel miraculously awesome when you spend time with them. Please read: https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/12/10-types-odd-friendships-youre-probably-part.html and then, spend as much time as you can with them. Like 24 hours a day, if possible, so you feel always good.

Have a nice day :)
Thank you for your answers I really liked the first and third point you mentioned, the only thing I will be careful with is to depend too much on a single person (girlfriend or wife) because if that goes wrong I will be left with nothing. Thats why I like to diversify a bit and not get too attached but yeah thats just me.
 

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Thank you for your answers I really liked the first and third point you mentioned, the only thing I will be careful with is to depend too much on a single person (girlfriend or wife) because if that goes wrong I will be left with nothing. Thats why I like to diversify a bit and not get too attached but yeah thats just me.
You've missed the point of marriage. My husband is my best friend. That's why we're still together after all of these years. We walk arm-in-arm. We hold hands and look forward to seeing each other. We have inside jokes and continuing conversations in many areas.

We don't agree on everything, but we respect our differences. Each of us has strong opinions that sometimes conflict. The place that we don't have conflicts is in our morals and ethics. Our strengths and skills are different and they dove-tail the others'.

The people around us are always telling us how lucky we are to be mated to each other. They admire our relationship and our commitment to it.

Being married is a lot of work -- give and take for each of us. It takes a lot of cooperation. And I can tell you, it is worth it. Maybe you are setting your sights too low and restricting your own happiness & well being.
 

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Wow, this is one opinionated thread!

I might as well throw in my two cents on the topic as well. :p

First, on so called "toxic" or "negative" relationships... This drives me nuts! People are not toxic or steal your energy, you do, by having expectations of them that aren't being met. Adjust your expectations to match their behavior, and you won't have toxic friends or negative relationships.
That being said, I would suggest getting clear on what you appreciate about the people in your life. For me, it ranges from some who are just fun to be around to others who are super loyal or caring towards me. Some might just be really smart, and I learn a lot. If you can't come up with anything you appreciate about a person, THAT'S when you move on.

Secondly, in my experience, the biggest challenge in a relationship has nothing to do with gender roles, but with buying into the romantic idea of being as one and sharing everything.You don't have to agree and compromise on everything. Sometimes, you need to do you, and let her do her, and then you meet up for dinner and have a good time. A great partner is not there to fill you up or provide you with something you are missing, gifts or otherwise!

I've had several partners go into the pattern you described in your post of turning needy after a while. Don't get me wrong, I get it, but it doesn't work. Nobody else can be your source of empowerment other than you. Don't be needy, be happy!

I would suggest standing on your own two feet, making sure YOU are the source of your own happiness, and then share that happiness with your partner in whatever way she can receive it. Stay busy, stay alert and attentive and whatever you do, don't push, flow!

As to the whole feminist discussion, I really don't see the point in arguing over different points of view. Sorry, but there will never be a winner, nor a pragmatic solution. I'll avoid the polarizing gender discussion in totality. You can be happy, or right... your choice:smile:
 
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Olimac21

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There is an art to giving things, you don't just give to be made use of, you make sure to have the other person in a place where they need you, that gives you the power in the relationship to make them give you what you want but if you don't want anything, unless they are close friends/family, don't give them anything.

However it seems if you want to be rich, it's required you become a giver and willing to help total strangers.

The successful members on this forum all seem to advocate this. Even though it contradicts my own life experience, I'm willing to empty my proverbial cup and and try it because it comes down to whether I want to be right or I want to be rich.

I've made a thread for this reason with the sole purpose of helping people, if you're interested in participating, here is the link: Who did you help today? Share your story
I do believe being a giver will make you be
Wow, this is one opinionated thread!

I might as well throw in my two cents on the topic as well. :p

First, on so called "toxic" or "negative" relationships... This drives me nuts! People are not toxic or steal your energy, you do, by having expectations of them that aren't being met. Adjust your expectations to match their behavior, and you won't have toxic friends or negative relationships.
That being said, I would suggest getting clear on what you appreciate about the people in your life. For me, it ranges from some who are just fun to be around to others who are super loyal or caring towards me. Some might just be really smart, and I learn a lot. If you can't come up with anything you appreciate about a person, THAT'S when you move on.

Secondly, in my experience, the biggest challenge in a relationship has nothing to do with gender roles, but with buying into the romantic idea of being as one and sharing everything.You don't have to agree and compromise on everything. Sometimes, you need to do you, and let her do her, and then you meet up for dinner and have a good time. A great partner is not there to fill you up or provide you with something you are missing, gifts or otherwise!

I've had several partners go into the pattern you described in your post of turning needy after a while. Don't get me wrong, I get it, but it doesn't work. Nobody else can be your source of empowerment other than you. Don't be needy, be happy!

I would suggest standing on your own two feet, making sure YOU are the source of your own happiness, and then share that happiness with your partner in whatever way she can receive it. Stay busy, stay alert and attentive and whatever you do, don't push, flow!

As to the whole feminist discussion, I really don't see the point in arguing over different points of view. Sorry, but there will never be a winner, nor a pragmatic solution. I'll avoid the polarizing gender discussion in totality. You can be happy, or right... your choice:smile:

Brilliant I really liked the part of "If you cannot come up with anything you appreciate about a person, thats when you move on." and about managing expectations, this has been a feedback that both close friends and family have been mentioning for a while or like a phrase I heard once "Do not go out expecting Plato´s Republic" (Ideal society)

Just an update from the time I wrote this post some months ago until now I have turned away from toxic relationships and became more independent (thanks also to me moving to a new country). In terms of women relationship, I am more chilll right now not looking for anything but having some informal/open interactions.

That being said, I believe this is an item/topic you can always improve and from an outsider´s point of view I am far from "anti social" or nerd when it comes to social interactions, however I do feel relationships are key and give it a lot of thought.
 

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