Managing Sucessful Relationships

[StartToday]

Be an alpha male, brah.

Seriously, you have to be assertive with friends and girls, especially with toxic people who would F*ck you over without hesitation for personal gain.

You got a friend who's taking advantage of you at every chance? Be straightforward and address the problem with them or just ditch the relationship.

Same with girls, if they percieve you're weak, chances are that she's gonna take advantage of that at one point or another. They have to know that they can lose you at any time, that they can't take the relationship for granted.

Disclaimer: I'm not telling you to be a dick.

Note: (Radical) Feminism is cancer

 

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[racyred09]

So you are making the argument that feminists only believe in EQUALITY between the sexes... Then please, for everyone on this forum please answer these next 2-3 questions.

If feminism is about equality between BOTH sexes why is it called FEMINISM?

What is unequal between men and women in the USA?

If nothing... Then why do we need self proclaimed feminists to fight for it?

It's not my responsibility to educate you (or anyone else on this forum) about things you could answer for yourself in 5 minutes on a search engine: LMGTFY

As I said, I didn't come here to waste energy on debating and explaining the nuances of feminism. Your education is your own responsibility and maybe someone else will spend the time to hold your hand through it. The point is that by slandering groups of people in a public forum, you are isolating said groups and ensuring that they stay underrepresented in the forum.

 

[TopDirective]

I am sorry if someone mentioned it, I briefly read the replies but here's my take:

Read the book No More Mr Nice Guy. It really, really helped me with overcoming neediness, self-love, self-care and self-acceptance. You'll get a successful win-win high quality relationships as a byproduct of that.

 

[Kak]

It's not my responsibility to educate you (or anyone else on this forum) about things you could answer for yourself in 5 minutes on a search engine: LMGTFY

As I said, I didn't come here to waste energy on debating and explaining the nuances of feminism. Your education is your own responsibility and maybe someone else will spend the time to hold your hand through it. The point is that by slandering groups of people in a public forum, you are isolating said groups and ensuring that they stay underrepresented in the forum.

It is, in fact, your responsibility to back up baseless claims used in debate if your side of the debate is to be taken seriously.

If you followed along and actually read what I was saying... I never once slandered women, but you saying that I did is a common alinskyite way to argue, just like attacking my “education”, I expected it. I didn’t even initially take issue with the existence of feminists, I simply told men not to date them.

But now, according to you, I’m slandering all of these “groups of people”. Which ones? Who am I slandering?

Once again if FEMINISM is about EQUALITY why is it called FEMINISM? What exactly isn’t equal?

Men and women are synergistic and different in the right ways. A couple fighting to both be the man will never truly be what it could be. As a straight man, I prefer women. Not women that want to be the man in a relationship.

So once again, since I’m not allowed to have an opinion without triggering argumentative feminists... Don’t date feminists.

 

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[Kak]

ensuring that they stay underrepresented in the forum.

I take severe issue with this...

So according to you feminists = all women? Not true. A large majority of women disagree with you.

Who is underrepresented? I don't see a list of rules of the fastlane forum barring groups of people from posting here... People will REPRESENT with a level of their interest... If there are less women than men here it is SOLEY because less women are interested in joining an entrepreneurship forum. So what?

The forum isn't an evil patriarch.

 

[Vigilante]

It's equally absurd to paint all feminists as man-haters as it is to describe all feminists as simply advocating equality between the sexes. I didn't see @Kak do the first, as accused, but I did see @racyred09 do the latter. @Kak's post surely would be a trigger for some, but a high percentage of women would agree with him. There was a time when unions were needed during the industrial revolution, and a time when women needed to uprise especiallly prior to the adoption of the 19th amendment to the constitution but that was nearly 100 years ago.

While the forum doesn't weight heavily into religion by policy, common sense would draw a distinction between radical Muslims and peace-loving neighbors. It would be naive to deny the distinction. Tons of men are pigs, some aren't. It would be naive to deny the distinction. Within every group, unfortunately, if you choose to identify with them you own the label. It's not up to @Kak to disclaim for the "good" feminists and to insert astericks every time a discussion comes up where people choose to identify with a label that has come to represent more about what they're opposed to than what they are for. You picked the label for yourself. He's simply reflecting his views on the label you choose to wear. He's entitled to his opinion, and you're entitled to yours.

I thought it was a reasonable proposition for him to ask to specifically what aspects of his posts did not pertain to the feminist movement, but perhaps this forum is not the right place for a clash of a traditional viewpoint vs. a special interest viewpoint. It's not likely to produce a positive discussion that would be relevant to anything people come to this place to find. There's plenty of places out in the web where this discussion takes place. The OP wasn't hopeful that this thread would devolve into a debate of male/female roles, stereotypes and gender strengths.

I would however echo the sentiment that feminists do not speak for "all the women on this forum." Some, sure. All? No. So when you speak, speak for yourself. Most unbiased polling data suggests that less than 20% of women identify with the modern day feminist label and movement.

 

[Vigilante]

It's not my responsibility to educate you (or anyone else on this forum) about things you could answer for yourself in 5 minutes on a search engine: LMGTFY

As I said, I didn't come here to waste energy on debating and explaining the nuances of feminism. Your education is your own responsibility and maybe someone else will spend the time to hold your hand through it. The point is that by slandering groups of people in a public forum, you are isolating said groups and ensuring that they stay underrepresented in the forum.

Your LMGTFY started with a biased premise that created confirmation bias.

Why didn't you google it this way? LMGTFY

Two sides to every coin, but then again it's not @Kak's job to educate you, right?

 

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[Kak]

I made claims and backed them up with articulate arguments. She ignored the arguments, and instead of making her own articulate arguments to refute them, which I would have been fair and listened to, she attacked my character.

I just think it is a shame. People should know why they believe what they claim to believe. I think it can become incredibly damaging to society when people literally ride pop culture into viewpoints they don’t even necessarily have so far that they attack others for not doing the same.

Needless to say, I don’t let the drive by shaming from these folks go unanswered.

 

[The-J]

I made claims and backed them up with articulate arguments. She ignored the arguments, and instead of making her own articulate arguments to refute them, which I would have been fair and listened to, she attacked my character.

Some people would rather be right than be correct

 

[racyred09]

It's equally absurd to paint all feminists as man-haters as it is to describe all feminists as simply advocating equality between the sexes. I didn't see @Kak do the first, as accused, but I did see @racyred09 do the latter. @Kak's post surely would be a trigger for some, but a high percentage of women would agree with him. There was a time when unions were needed during the industrial revolution, and a time when women needed to uprise especiallly prior to the adoption of the 19th amendment to the constitution but that was nearly 100 years ago.

While the forum doesn't weight heavily into religion by policy, common sense would draw a distinction between radical Muslims and peace-loving neighbors. It would be naive to deny the distinction. Tons of men are pigs, some aren't. It would be naive to deny the distinction. Within every group, unfortunately, if you choose to identify with them you own the label. It's not up to @Kak to disclaim for the "good" feminists and to insert astericks every time a discussion comes up where people choose to identify with a label that has come to represent more about what they're opposed to than what they are for. You picked the label for yourself. He's simply reflecting his views on the label you choose to wear. He's entitled to his opinion, and you're entitled to yours.

I thought it was a reasonable proposition for him to ask to specifically what aspects of his posts did not pertain to the feminist movement, but perhaps this forum is not the right place for a clash of a traditional viewpoint vs. a special interest viewpoint. It's not likely to produce a positive discussion that would be relevant to anything people come to this place to find. There's plenty of places out in the web where this discussion takes place. The OP wasn't hopeful that this thread would devolve into a debate of male/female roles, stereotypes and gender strengths.

I would however echo the sentiment that feminists do not speak for "all the women on this forum." Some, sure. All? No. So when you speak, speak for yourself. Most unbiased polling data suggests that less than 20% of women identify with the modern day feminist label and movement.

Please show me where I said anything about women in general (besides saying his post was disrespectful to women, I'll give you that one)? I was talking specifically about people (not just women, of course) who consider themselves a feminist. It's only Kak who has painted me as equating woman and feminism.

My original point is that this is probably the 6th thread (maybe more) where I've seen someone, completely unnecessarily, interject a jab at feminists. I thought this was supposed to be a place where people add value to one another's lives and I strived to do that every time I posted until now. Kak's post had no other purpose than to denigrate feminists, as if everyone in this forum had the same opinion. And it looks like, for the most part, he was right. How was his original post supposed to help the OP?

When you attack groups of people, you make them feel unwelcome. Frankly, I'm tired of seeing that kind of thing on a forum that is supposed to be open to anyone and uplift people. I would love to see more female representation in here and I'm not sure where you got your 20% of women figure, when every source I've found places it at least 40% of women and 20% of men (wonder how high among female entrepreneurs?).

Fair point about the LMGTFY being biased in the first place. To answer the question about whether feminism is still relevant, I'll quote this article (which is a few years old but I can't imagine the statistics have changed drastically):

"Women may make up 50% of degree earners but they’re only 28% of full professors nationwide, 3.8% of Fortune 500 CEOs, and 16.8% of Congress. However, they are 92% of plastic surgery recipients, 90% of rape victims, and 85% of domestic violence victims. As these statistics and the surrounding graphics suggest, feminism is just as relevant as it has ever been."

 

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[racyred09]

I made claims and backed them up with articulate arguments. She ignored the arguments, and instead of making her own articulate arguments to refute them, which I would have been fair and listened to, she attacked my character.

I just think it is a shame. People should know why they believe what they claim to believe. I think it can become incredibly damaging to society when people literally ride pop culture into viewpoints they don’t even necessarily have so far that they attack others for not doing the same.

Needless to say, I don’t let the drive by shaming from these folks go unanswered.

I ignored your claims because you were the one who, in the first place, twisted the point I was trying to make into a discussion on feminism. The point, as I've restated in several ways now, is that your bash was neither necessary nor fact-based. Instead of giving a positive contribution for the OP, you decided to attack people that you were not aware were in the forum because you thought you were in an echo chamber.

Also, what makes you think there are less women here because they're less interested in an entrepreneurial forum? It was blog posts by women that turned me onto the book in the first place.

 

[Kak]

Also, what makes you think there are less women here because they're less interested in an entrepreneurial forum? It was blog posts by women that turned me onto the book in the first place.

If there are less of them, less interest in the topic would be why. I don’t know the exact demographics of the forum. Reread what I typed before you go accusing me of kicking puppies now.

Women may make up 50% of degree earners but they’re only 28% of full professors nationwide, 3.8% of Fortune 500 CEOs, and 16.8% of Congress. However, they are 92% of plastic surgery recipients, 90% of rape victims, and 85% of domestic violence victims. As these statistics and the surrounding graphics suggest, feminism is just as relevant as it has ever been."

Who of these women were not offered a choice in careers? Who has a gun to their head telling them they can’t do those things? Nobody. They are choosing other fields, why? Because women are different than men and that’s ok.

I’m not sure who you’re going to argue with that rape isn’t wrong. Of course rape and domestic violence are wrong. I don’t think you’ll find an opponent on that one. How is this my fault as a non-rapist though?

Clearly my point is made. You have yet to even explain why you are a feminist. I don’t argue with nonsensical bullshit.

If you want to date this kind of shit folks... date a feminist.

 

[Vigilante]

I ignored your claims because you were the one who, in the first place, twisted the point I was trying to make into a discussion on feminism. The point, as I've restated in several ways now, is that your bash was neither necessary nor fact-based. Instead of giving a positive contribution for the OP, you decided to attack people that you were not aware were in the forum because you thought you were in an echo chamber.

Also, what makes you think there are less women here because they're less interested in an entrepreneurial forum? It was blog posts by women that turned me onto the book in the first place.

There are less women entrepreneurs than men entrepreneurs. As a result, there are less women at any entrepreneur forum than men.

The good news is we had a ton of women at the Forum meet up this year.

 

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[racyred09]

If there are less of them, less interest would be why. Reread what I typed before you go accusing me of kicking puppies now.

Clearly my point is made. You have yet to even explain why you are a feminist. I don’t argue with nonsensical bullshit.

If you want to date this kind of sh*t folks... date a feminist.

Lol, yep, I knew you'd come in for a personal attack even though you claimed I personally attacked you (and I didn't).

If there are less of them here it's entirely possibly it's because they feel unwelcome.

And I did explain in my reply to Vigilante why feminism is important to me. I know too many women who have been the victim of assault and it has to change.

 

[racyred09]

There are less women entrepreneurs than men entrepreneurs. As a result, there are less women at any entrepreneur forum than men.

The good news is we had a ton of women at the Forum meet up this year.

About 30% and rising. That's great you had a good turnout! I'm glad to hear it.

 

[The-J]

Lol, yep, I knew you'd come in for a personal attack even though you claimed I personally attacked you (and I didn't).

Kak didn't say that feminists hated men. He said that men who aim to provide security to his family should not date a feminist. Very big difference.

He may very well be speaking from experience. But the important thing is he asked why he was wrong.

I may end up getting political here. But one big problem with political attitudes (on all sides) is that they argue their points by taking the moral high ground and attempting to apply it to everything they argue about. Calling someone 'ridiculous', or 'bigoted', or whatever insult du jour is necessary to make the insulter feel like they're 'better' than the other person, is a common tactic used to derail conversation and 'rally their base' which does absolutely nothing.

Even if you believe you are in the moral right, arguing for that is not going to help you win. Maybe it'll win followers and keep you feeling right, but it certainly won't change someone's mind. He offered his mind to be changed. He admitted that he can be wrong sometimes. You had the option to tell him that feminism isn't what he thinks it is... but you just proved his point.

It helps to be tactful when dealing with anyone, especially with a respected member of the forum. He and I certainly do not agree on certain points but I'll still be respectful to him: not because he's who he is on the forum, but because he deserves that respect as a human being. He gave you that respect, opened the possibility that you may be able to prove him wrong, and now he certainly has less respect for you and your viewpoint (which I'm sure he's been able to argue against many times)

Also, you mentioned why women entrepreneurs don't come here. It's mostly because of the PUA locker room talk that the mods have doe a pretty good job at stamping out but still pops up every now and again. Women don't need feminism: people need to learn respect.

 

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[racyred09]

Kak didn't say that feminists hated men. He said that men who aim to provide security to his family should not date a feminist. Very big difference.

He may very well be speaking from experience. But the important thing is he asked why he was wrong.

I may end up getting political here. But one big problem with political attitudes (on all sides) is that they argue their points by taking the moral high ground and attempting to apply it to everything they argue about. Calling someone 'ridiculous', or 'bigoted', or whatever insult du jour is necessary to make the insulter feel like they're 'better' than the other person, is a common tactic used to derail conversation and 'rally their base' which does absolutely nothing.

Even if you believe you are in the moral right, arguing for that is not going to help you win. Maybe it'll win followers and keep you feeling right, but it certainly won't change someone's mind. He offered his mind to be changed. He admitted that he can be wrong sometimes. You had the option to tell him that feminism isn't what he thinks it is... but you just proved his point.

It helps to be tactful when dealing with anyone, especially with a respected member of the forum. He and I certainly do not agree on certain points but I'll still be respectful to him: not because he's who he is on the forum, but because he deserves that respect as a human being. He gave you that respect, opened the possibility that you may be able to prove him wrong, and now he certainly has less respect for you and your viewpoint (which I'm sure he's been able to argue against many times)

Also, you mentioned why women entrepreneurs don't come here. It's mostly because of the PUA locker room talk that the mods have doe a pretty good job at stamping out but still pops up every now and again. Women don't need feminism: people need to learn respect.

Actually, his exact statement was, "stay the hell away from feminists". Let me ask you- do you not find that a ridiculous statement? And is using terms like "lesbianic" respectful to anyone? If it had been the first post on this forum mocking feminists, I would have let it slide.

I completely agree with you that the issue is respect. The PUA and locker room talk combined with the frequent anti-feminist digs is exactly what I'm talking about when I refer to why there is underrepresentation of women in here.

I have no interest in changing Kak's mind about feminism just like I don't care to make any of the men here stop being PUAs. Everyone is welcome to their beliefs and I don't have any interest in converting anyone (nor "rallying my base"- do you think I have a feminist base in here of all places?! ) Hence me saying it's not my responsibility to educate him on feminism. It's not lack of tact; it's that the point was completely missed. I want this to be a place where anybody with any viewpoint feels not only welcome but uplifted and it's a shame not many people seem to care about that. I stopped logging in for many months because I felt like it was less of a supportive place and more of a men's locker room. I gave it another chance recently and I'm realizing it's not a great fit (and that's fine, there's a place for everybody on this internet and I just need to look for one that's a bit less uniform).

 

[racyred09]

...and I should add, to further that point, that it really had nothing to do with it me being my personal view. If he'd said "stay the hell away from" any group of women- Republicans, bisexuals, Jews, Russians, whatever, I would've called him out on it especially if was something I'd seen said many times in the forum.

 

[racyred09]

@Kak I just noticed that you edited all your comments to make them less incendiary and I do appreciate the effort.

 

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[Kak]

About 30% and rising. That's great you had a good turnout! I'm glad to hear it.

Why is that so great? Why does it matter at all? Who cares if it’s 20 percent or 80 percent?

 

[Kak]

@Kak I just noticed that you edited all your comments to make them less incendiary and I do appreciate the effort.

I edit most of my comments to clean up the grammar. Nice try though. Your quotes of me are original.

I clearly won the argument. The fact that you had to dance in and be a feminist shrew, piss in my Cheerios, rudely tell me how wrong I am, offer no supporting evidence to your claim of my wrongness and now you’re upset that I didn’t back down to your Alensky bullshit tirade PROVES MY POINT.

Stay the HELL away from feminists...

 

[Guest92dX]

I'm leery of commenting in this thread as it has both feminist and anti-femimist or men's rights language.

I think some feminism has merits and some men's rights theory/masculinist theory has merits.

To me, everything really comes down having a deep love and compassion for YOURSELF. It's where everything else flows from. Be like Neo and go to the source. Confront the source.

Personally, feminists love me, and my books on women do not consist of PUA theory or Self-help like "How to win f

To answer OP's question and to only answer his question and not engage with anything else.

The only way to manage a successful relationship is to: "Finish how you start".

Women tell guys this all the time. They don't get it. Learn about yourself. You'll learn woman speak real fast. They say they hate guys who change.

The only thing you can do is be the same person you were from day 1. That means don't start habits with her that you can't keep.

For me, "The only thing changing about me is the weather."

I don't have quote unqoute numbers like some guys, but I have quality and don't bend over backwards for any woman except my mom. It's a common fact that if you have problems with women, you have parental issues. Start there. When I am with a woman they reciprocate and give gifts as much or more than me.

They want you to be your unlimited self.

I wish I wasn't living with my parents so I could be dating a lot. Lol. It's so easy. I'm actually working on my hangups about this as well.

Literally. It's only as hard as: get some clean and presentable clothes that match colors, have a car, have a place to take them, and just be yourself 100% of the time.

Radical honesty is necessary.

Also, make sure your terms of engagement with a woman are clear.

This is an extreme example, but if you're the type of guy who cheats then tell them early into meeting them. Be sincere and compassionate with it. I won't tell you what exactly to say, but I know guys who have done it.

Be sincere. Be compassionate. Give her choices.

She CHOSE you.

Edit: tell them something new everyday as well because you can't solve a Rubik's cube that has the stickers changed

P.S. I'm explaining the final frontier to you @Olimac21 if you know what that means then you have half battle.

For example, this thread is like Oscar Wilde's quote, "Everything is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power."

Own yourself. For the rest, let it go. Learn to spot the leakage and you'll be fine.

 

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[racyred09]

I edit most of my comments to clean up the grammar. Nice try though. Your quotes of me are original.

My mistake. I misread one of your original posts and thought you had edited the "stay the hell away from feminists" part, then noticed every post has been edited. I didn't take the time to analyze the before and after and assumed you'd listened when I said it made me feel alienated.

I clearly won the argument.

LOL. Sure. Congratulations, your internet points are on their way (seriously, I'll send you a bunch before I leave).

Stay the HELL away from feminists...

Yes...I'd say that for you, that's fair advice.

Anyway, on that note, I wish I could get a refund on this time. I was going to make my exit near the beginning of this conversation but wanted to close it out and end on a (relatively) good note. But it's time to follow my own advice to OP and not spend time around people who drain my energy. Feel free to say all kinds of things about me after this post

Thanks MJ for the great books and to all the people on here who helped me out. Good luck to everybody with your entrepreneurial pursuits (even those with whom I have obvious disagreements). Leaving the forum not because of this thread necessarily, but because today for the first time I found myself checking it while my kids were with me and thought, "what am I doing with my life?!" so I've gotta give it the boot.

Later guys

 

[Guest92dX]

My mistake. I misread one of your original posts and thought you had edited the "stay the hell away from feminists" part, then noticed every post has been edited. I didn't take the time to analyze the before and after and assumed you'd listened when I said it made me feel alienated.



LOL. Sure. Congratulations, your internet points are on their way (seriously, I'll send you a bunch before I leave).



Yes...I'd say that for you, that's fair advice.

Anyway, on that note, I wish I could get a refund on this time. I was going to make my exit near the beginning of this conversation but wanted to close it out and end on a (relatively) good note. But it's time to follow my own advice to OP and not spend time around people who drain my energy. Feel free to say all kinds of things about me after this post

Thanks MJ for the great books and to all the people on here who helped me out. Good luck to everybody with your entrepreneurial pursuits (even those with whom I have obvious disagreements). Leaving the forum not because of this thread necessarily, but because today for the first time I found myself checking it while my kids were with me and thought, "what am I doing with my life?!" so I've gotta give it the boot.

Later guys

@racyred09

Don't leave. Some aspects of the forum turn me off as well. Just remember you're here for your KIDS and YOURSELF.

I've brustled the feathers of other senior forum members.

Edit: we all have something of value to add to the world. If we didn't have value, we wouldn't exist. We would have died at birth, before it, or never been born.

Just know that it that happens. You sound deeply hurt and de-valued. That's normal when it feels personal. You're sensitive to your feelings.

Just go deeper into the pain. There's a treasure to be found like home. I thank anyone who gives that pain to me because it helps me see myself better.

Thats where the good stuff is.

Edit: if you want a meditation session with me then please DM me.

The most traumatic thing that happens to every human happens before being born.

We're given a name. That name is the start of particulars and makes us label everything. We think the juice is in the labels when the juice is in the zen, kaizen, Dao, source, singularity, heaven, etc.

The juice can't be as shallow as a label. Aren't you deeper than being a feminist? It feels like your core was attacked. That's something deeper than a label.

I forgot who told me this. They said, "Thinking, labels, and society history are the start of all illness." It's metaphorical, but it's deep.

 

[WJK]

I was wondering how do you manage key relationships in your life? (i.e friends, girlfriends/boyfriends, family)

I tend to be more to the "giver" in a relationship however that puts me on a needy side of things and I absolutely hate that. Lately I decided not to give attention to relationships that are not reciprocal but I am afraid this will lead me to a lonely place sooner or later.

Have read books like "how to win friends and influence people", "give and take" and "never eat alone" and the big problem is these books put you in the good listener/add value kind of person, but does not deal directly on how to decide when to drop out a relationship,explain your needs, etc.

You'll end up respected and you'll have better control over your time when you start to have better boundaries.

 

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[racyred09]

@racyred09

Don't leave. Some aspects of the forum turn me off as well. Just remember you're here for your KIDS and YOURSELF.

I've brustled the feathers of other senior forum members.

Just know that it that happens. You sound deeply hurt and de-valued. That's normal when it feels personal. You're sensitive to your feelings.

Just go deeper into the pain. There's a treasure to be found like home. I thank anyone who gives that pain to me because it helps me see myself better.

Thats where the good stuff is.

Thankfully I was still on here to see what you said (trying to figure how to delete my account...not sure there's an option besides de-activating all the notifications etc.!).

What you said was incredibly wise not to mention kind. I never thought about it that way but you're absolutely right, and I re-read it a few times to let it sink it.

I'll stick around Definitely taking at least a short break from the forum after today, though.

If you're always this perceptive I can bet your advice on dating is excellent and am not surprised you've had a lot of success with women!

(You can have your thread back now, OP!)

 

[Kak]

Thankfully I was still on here to see what you said (trying to figure how to delete my account...not sure there's an option besides de-activating all the notifications etc.!).

What you said was incredibly wise not to mention kind. I never thought about it that way but you're absolutely right, and I re-read it a few times to let it sink it.

I'll stick around Definitely taking at least a short break from the forum after today, though.

If you're always this perceptive I can bet your advice on dating is excellent and am not surprised you've had a lot of success with women!

(You can have your thread back now, OP!)

Good choice to stick around! I’m sincerely glad you made that decision!

Allow me to formally welcome you. Arguments happen here, but we generally have them in order to seek truth and get smarter. The forum has been a priceless place of business and personal growth for me and I hope it becomes the same for you.

Excellent decision.

 

[Guest92dX]

Thankfully I was still on here to see what you said (trying to figure how to delete my account...not sure there's an option besides de-activating all the notifications etc.!).

What you said was incredibly wise not to mention kind. I never thought about it that way but you're absolutely right, and I re-read it a few times to let it sink it.

I'll stick around Definitely taking at least a short break from the forum after today, though.

If you're always this perceptive I can bet your advice on dating is excellent and am not surprised you've had a lot of success with women!

(You can have your thread back now, OP!)

@racyred09

I'm successful in quality, not numbers.

Just go as deep into the pain and sit with it until the storm clears. Just do your best to love yourself from where you're seeing.

@Olimac21

I forgot to mention that you need to listen. A woman will tell you exactly how to treat her. She will even tell you the type of relationship, if any, that you will get from her.

I also suggest that you:

Observe and digest.

Just go out and observe yourself observing women in a club or bar.

See what you learn. It may surprise you.

I learned about my environment.

I had to cloak my shadow.

I'm treading cautious territory with forum rules sharing this story.

I cracked my reality in 5 days over Thanksgiving. I literally just went out 5 days doing absolute observing to see women who liked me. I had always heard of guys having sex with women in 30 minutes. Thought I might learn it.

Yes, I got laid in 30 minutes. However, something deeper was there. I found the flow. I found the liquid. I found out how detrimental the ego is.

I let go of beauty standards and listened to the awareness. I was like background music. That's where the juice is. I had to get out of my own way. The obstacles were not overcome. They were side stepped.

I learned how deep awareness can be, but I was only at the tip of the iceberg.

That started my journey to meditation. I spent the next 2 years trying to get that feeling back. No not the woman. The feeling. The infinite wisdom.

It's deeper than you know. The awareness impacts everything. How are spiritual leaders who are not gurus worth millions like the Dali Lama?

Bolded for your awareness. 2 posts. A lifetime worth of Self-help books.

Books will sharpen your blade, but if you keep sharpening your blade it will blunt.

 

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[Fyniaina]

I was wondering how do you manage key relationships in your life? (i.e friends, girlfriends/boyfriends, family)

I tend to be more to the "giver" in a relationship however that puts me on a needy side of things and I absolutely hate that. Lately I decided not to give attention to relationships that are not reciprocal but I am afraid this will lead me to a lonely place sooner or later.

Have read books like "how to win friends and influence people", "give and take" and "never eat alone" and the big problem is these books put you in the good listener/add value kind of person, but does not deal directly on how to decide when to drop out a relationship,explain your needs, etc.

You cannot love others if you don't love yourself. Find yourself first and learn to love yourself, enjoy your own company and that will make you realize the kind of person you ought to be.
Because you cannot buy people's love with gifts and gestures if they don't feel the same about you.
When you love yourself, it means you know yourself. And knowing yourself mean you will undoubtedly know the people you want around you and will not feel bad about having the people that should not be around you leave.
Additionally, you will be more in tune with making the right type of freinds and meet people that share the same interest which will automatically mean you will care for like minded people and will be more likely to get into mutual relationships rather than those one way street relationships where you question whether they are with you because you are a giver or worry about their intentions.
Before I met my wife, I use to jump from one relationship to another and when I finally decided to love myself first and stay single until I found the person I would love, that's when I meet my wife. I met her when I started doing things I liked to do alone and she happend to be the same kind of person.
Because when you share common interests, views, philosophy etc, it's a lot easier to get along. Be that with friends or personal relationships.

 

[The-J]

I was wondering how do you manage key relationships in your life? (i.e friends, girlfriends/boyfriends, family)

I tend to be more to the "giver" in a relationship however that puts me on a needy side of things and I absolutely hate that. Lately I decided not to give attention to relationships that are not reciprocal but I am afraid this will lead me to a lonely place sooner or later.

Have read books like "how to win friends and influence people", "give and take" and "never eat alone" and the big problem is these books put you in the good listener/add value kind of person, but does not deal directly on how to decide when to drop out a relationship,explain your needs, etc.

Read Thick Face Black Heart. Seriously. It will help you with your last sentence.

As far as managing relationships with people in your life, the key is generally time and attention. That's all a husband or a wife wants. That's all your kids want. That's all your family wants.

Some people are toxic and will try to get one over on you. They may be your husband, wife, kids, family, friends, or business associates. To deal with these people, read Thick Face Black Heart. Yes, I recommended this book twice. There is a reason why seasoned businessmen are able to deal with snakes in the grass without fear. You should never fear toxic people: just learn to recognize them and keep them at arm's length (not necessarily kick em out of your life!)

Also, read Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Cialdini.

If you want to make a relationship reciprocal, it takes effort. Yes, give first, but don't be afraid to take when necessary. If they don't deliver, looks like you've disqualified someone. A person is only as good as their word.

You say being a giver makes you needy. This is impossible: a giver cannot be needy. You're needy either because (1) you're, in fact, taking more than you give, or (2) your giving is not without expectation. I think of the 'nice guy' who does one nice thing for a woman and expects sex. I think of the girl who does nice things for a guy and then gets resentful when he doesn't give her the attention that she didn't ask for.