Make sentences punchier

[Andy Black]

A client suggested this for ad copy:

• We offer everything your home office needs under one roof.
• We offer a free next day contactless delivery throughout Ireland.

I suggested they change "We offer" to "Get":

• Get everything your home office needs under one roof.
• Get free next day contactless delivery throughout Ireland.

… or just remove “We offer” completely:

• Everything your home office needs under one roof.
• Free next day contactless delivery throughout Ireland.

Not only are these shorter and/or call-to-actions, but they also don't start with "We".

It's not about you!

 

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[Odysseus M Jones]

Try this game:
Imagine you're sending a telegram & every word costs £100.
What's the fewest number of words you can use whilst keeping the message's meaning?

 

[Andy Black]

This isn’t just a copywriting tip.

 

[Iammelissamoore]

This isn’t just a copywriting tip.

You GENUINELY shed light with these golden nuggets. It IS ingrained in you. When we speak about value, you just bring it.

Thanks a million for the insight you share - and the many others on TFF - you all make this community a wholesome experience!

 

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[Dionysos]

This is great!

Just a tiny tweak, but the whole experience of the reader is changed with those couple words!

Makes sense a whole lot, thanks!