Just got married... Now I feel restricted and powerless

[dompie85]

2 Weeks ago, my wife was yelling at me to go get a job
Yesterday, after finding a job and being fired, due to inexperience, within a week of working, Wife was yelling at me "We can't support ourselves with pay like that, let alone the baby thats on the way"
We are currently living at my parents house and to add to that, We have over 10k just sitting around... Which she wants to save to use for an apt 3 months from now.
I keep telling her, lets use a little bit of that money to make some money, a small risk, like buying liquidations and reselling on ebay or something (after doing research and what not to minimize risk). Whatever the investment along with risk is, that is just an example. So lets not try to derail the thread.

Anything I throw at her, it's all "no, go back to the job market and look for a job" well, I agree 100% with looking for a job, but lets also attempt to grow this capital that we have on hand! I can't seem to break through to her that I am not the type of person that will settle for a 9 to 5 temp job making $10 and hour. I keep moving forward and I feel like she is suppressing my urge to take calculated risks.

How do I break it through to her that I want to take these risks while it is somewhat safe to do so?? I feel like she does not want me to do these things, she prefers for me to settle with a well paying job.... I DON'T WANT TO SETTLE, THAT IS NOT ME! I WANT TO MOVE FORWARD AND FORGET ABOUT 9 TO 5'S! I just want her to understand that I want the best for us and our family to come.

any psychologists here?? lol!

 

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[wade1mil]

Well, this is something you should have ironed out before you got married.
And just because it's what you want, doesn't mean you're right.
Good luck!

 

[H. Palmer]

2 Weeks ago, my wife was yelling at me to go get a job
Yesterday, after finding a job and being fired, due to inexperience, within a week of working, Wife was yelling at me "We can't support ourselves with pay like that, let alone the baby thats on the way"
We are currently living at my parents house and to add to that, We have over 10k just sitting around... Which she wants to save to use for an apt 3 months from now.
I keep telling her, lets use a little bit of that money to make some money, a small risk, like buying liquidations and reselling on ebay or something (after doing research and what not to minimize risk). Whatever the investment along with risk is, that is just an example. So lets not try to derail the thread.

Anything I throw at her, it's all "no, go back to the job market and look for a job" well, I agree 100% with looking for a job, but lets also attempt to grow this capital that we have on hand! I can't seem to break through to her that I am not the type of person that will settle for a 9 to 5 temp job making $10 and hour. I keep moving forward and I feel like she is suppressing my urge to take calculated risks.

How do I break it through to her that I want to take these risks while it is somewhat safe to do so?? I feel like she does not want me to do these things, she prefers for me to settle with a well paying job.... I DON'T WANT TO SETTLE, THAT IS NOT ME! I WANT TO MOVE FORWARD AND FORGET ABOUT 9 TO 5'S! I just want her to understand that I want the best for us and our family to come.

any psychologists here?? lol!

If you have an ebay sellers account, you can sell products that are offered on Amazon without owning them.

It's called drop shipping. Just limit yourself to the products that are offered by Amazon itself, not by the other sellers.
Many people are making a fortune just doing this.

The trick is to find products that are offered on Amazon that sell for more on ebay.
Take into account ebay's commission and shipping costs for low priced products.
Also regularly check whether the products are still available on Amazon, because some products are sold out after a while. Ebay will punish you when you can't deliver.

It requires study and work. Other than that it's risk free. You don't have to use any of your savings.

 

[Hackdroot]

Disclaimer: IANAP

Normally I would suggest being upfront with her about you having different goals and ambitions, and that if she is not willing to work with you on a compromise, then you will have to break off the relationship.

But.....you have a child on the way, and this changes things.

You now have a responsibility to another human being, and children are expensive and time consuming responsibilities. I know

You also need to understand her concern. Your role has now changed from boyfriend to father and husband, and she is counting on security and support from you. Let her know that you will support the family, no matter what happens. A little reassurance goes a long way.

That being said, I still think you can come to a compromise and take advantage of your current situation of living with your parents. Once you move into that apartment though, your chances of having the time and money to work on a business decreases dramatically.

I'm assuming that 10k belongs to both of you. Tell her you want to use a small amount of it to pursue a side venture. Explain that in order for this marriage to work, you both need to be open minded and willing to compromise. If you both cant work together now, then this could begin a pattern which will cause problems down the road.

No matter what you do, be a responsible father and husband.

 

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[csalvato]

1. Get a sales job
2. Kill it at sales and make huge commissions
3. Use sales experience to start b2b company

One of millions of options available to you that ticks every box.

Remember it's a process.

 

[GuestUser116]

You need permission from your wife??

 

[MoneyDoc]

You need permission from your wife??

*Grabs popcorn.

 

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[jason91]

2 Weeks ago, my wife was yelling at me to go get a job
Yesterday, after finding a job and being fired, due to inexperience, within a week of working, Wife was yelling at me "We can't support ourselves with pay like that, let alone the baby thats on the way"
We are currently living at my parents house and to add to that, We have over 10k just sitting around... Which she wants to save to use for an apt 3 months from now.
I keep telling her, lets use a little bit of that money to make some money, a small risk, like buying liquidations and reselling on ebay or something (after doing research and what not to minimize risk). Whatever the investment along with risk is, that is just an example. So lets not try to derail the thread.

Anything I throw at her, it's all "no, go back to the job market and look for a job" well, I agree 100% with looking for a job, but lets also attempt to grow this capital that we have on hand! I can't seem to break through to her that I am not the type of person that will settle for a 9 to 5 temp job making $10 and hour. I keep moving forward and I feel like she is suppressing my urge to take calculated risks.

How do I break it through to her that I want to take these risks while it is somewhat safe to do so?? I feel like she does not want me to do these things, she prefers for me to settle with a well paying job.... I DON'T WANT TO SETTLE, THAT IS NOT ME! I WANT TO MOVE FORWARD AND FORGET ABOUT 9 TO 5'S! I just want her to understand that I want the best for us and our family to come.

any psychologists here?? lol!

I don't know man... to be in entrepreneurship when you have a child on the way before you're financially stable is not really a great idea.

For me, I'm pushing my younger 20s to the limit because I want to be wealthy by the time I get married. Me and my girlfriend (ex girlfriend now) kept on arguing because of this. When you start out it's not a stable income, and very rarely do you hit gold the first few years. But you need to understand that and be responsible for not bringing others into your rocky journey. Unless they are 100% for it, which your wife is not - for good reason.

You have a child on the way, you are ALREADY married. Think about it - These are big responsibilities. Your child needs food in his mouth, and so does your wife. Entrepreneurship will sometimes starve you when you're learning. Do you want your children and wife to be hungry as well?

Eeeeeeek.... that is a dreadful situation

 

[RBefort]

This is one reason I am always in control of the intimacy and make sure to pull out. I don't have my shit together either, and if I ever found out I had a kid on the way, I'd probably jump off a cliff (in my mind; probably just become sickly depressed). You gotta go quick, man. They will never understand. I used to play poker and my girlfriend just saw me "lose." (which, I didn't lose at poker, per say...I invested in too many people at once and normal mathematics happened to where we all lost at once). You can't change their mind. They were lied to and they are set in their ways. Just gotta keep sitting her down and showing her what you can do and the chances it doesn't work out. Maybe take tiny, smaller investments/risks until she is comfortable. However, I wouldn't mess with your 10k in the bank until you get another job. That shit will go hella quick. Get the stable job to where you can have risk parties on the side.

 

[JasonR]

I'm 30, single with no kids (on purpose), so take that into account with my reply.

Perhaps, you jumped in too fast. Did you think about your life and the DECISIONS you made and how they would IMPACT your life FOREVER?

I've chosen not to have kids, or marry the (wrong) person, because I take risks many wouldn't be comfortable with. The ideal women would understand that and be OK with that before I ever married her.

Honestly, I would use a little bit of that money to see a couple's therapist or, better yet, a NLP practioner.

No one on this forum will be able to tell you what to do in your situation.

Good luck!

 

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[H. Palmer]

I disagree with the notion that children need to be provided a stable environment when they grow up.

You don't even need to be successful as an entrepreneur to be proud of providing your kids with an alternative perspective compared to the traditional 9 to 5.

Children can get a lot of inspiration from a father who time and again proves to be capable of solving big problems against all the odds. Because that is what most entrepreneurs do on a regular basis. Even the not so successful ones.

Many self made billionaires came from a background that wasn't stable at all.
Just read the biographies of people like Sam Walton, Richard Branson, Alan Sugar, Larry Ellison, Steve Jobs, Karl Albrecht, and so on.

 

[csalvato]

I've chosen not to have kids, or marry the (wrong) person, because I take risks many wouldn't be comfortable with. The ideal women would understand that and be OK with that before I ever married her.

Yes. Me and @johnp are both married and just getting our legs under us with our respective ventures...and we both have a wife that is very understanding and part of the process of building our business.

With that said, I know my wife would pretty much hang me if we only had 10K in the bank, were living with my parents and I refused to get a job with our kid only 3 weeks away.

You need to build your life from the ground up, starting with you, and then touching all of those you come in contact with.

You can't change your wife, but you would be surprised at how changes in you can impact her moods, her tolerances and her understanding of your situation.

This is a very difficult topic because it's so complicated, and no single post can really address all the things that need to come together for this to work.

But based on your previous posts, you seem all over the place and not really sure how to add value.

If you are lost and confused, then get into sales, support your family and kick a$$.

 

[BlakeIC]

Get a damn job, who cares if its only making $10 an hour

You signed up for this now provide

I would not even think about spending the $10k at this point

 

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[csalvato]

Children can get a lot of inspiration from a father who time and again appears to be capable of solving big problems against all the odds.

Wow awesome.

 

[amp0193]

$10k is nothing. I lost 11k in six months when I was trying to figure out "entrepreneurial ventures". I was married, but didn't have a kid. The money I spent was not our money, it was money I made after months of flipping cell phones on Craigslist. Don't risk all that you have in the bank.

Several months after this, my wife cringed when I said I was going to order stuff from China. She was totally against it. So I hustled some money on the side, NEVER touched "our" money, and sixth months later, I was making $5,000 profit a month... and am now hitting the exponential curve upwards.

My wife and I don't fight. It's because there's a phrase that is always in my mind, "If it's important to you, it's important to me". Take care of what's important for her, and then you'll be free to pursue what's important to you. Marriage is about service, not selfishness. Your wife is not being irrational, listen to her.

Temporarily working a 9 to 5 job is not settling.

 

[scratchdisk]

Keep trying to talk things out. Communication is good. maybe pick up some work to bring in some income while develing a side business of some kind.

 

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[Dunkafelics]

What are some of the job skills that you have from previous employment and what is the job market like in your area?

Is your wife working right now as well prior to the baby coming?

 

[ChickenHawk]

We have over 10k just sitting around...

Where'd this money come from?

Why do I have the sneaky suspicion that the 10K was, in fact, money that your wife earned, saved, inherited, or received as a wedding gift?

 

[mws87]

2 Weeks ago, my wife was yelling at me to go get a job
Yesterday, after finding a job and being fired, due to inexperience, within a week of working, Wife was yelling at me "We can't support ourselves with pay like that, let alone the baby thats on the way"
We are currently living at my parents house and to add to that, We have over 10k just sitting around... Which she wants to save to use for an apt 3 months from now.
I keep telling her, lets use a little bit of that money to make some money, a small risk, like buying liquidations and reselling on ebay or something (after doing research and what not to minimize risk). Whatever the investment along with risk is, that is just an example. So lets not try to derail the thread.

Anything I throw at her, it's all "no, go back to the job market and look for a job" well, I agree 100% with looking for a job, but lets also attempt to grow this capital that we have on hand! I can't seem to break through to her that I am not the type of person that will settle for a 9 to 5 temp job making $10 and hour. I keep moving forward and I feel like she is suppressing my urge to take calculated risks.

How do I break it through to her that I want to take these risks while it is somewhat safe to do so?? I feel like she does not want me to do these things, she prefers for me to settle with a well paying job.... I DON'T WANT TO SETTLE, THAT IS NOT ME! I WANT TO MOVE FORWARD AND FORGET ABOUT 9 TO 5'S! I just want her to understand that I want the best for us and our family to come.

any psychologists here?? lol!

I think it would help to know how far along your wife is at the moment. Is she due anytime in the next few months or is she literally like 1 month pregnant? Before I read you had a baby on the way, I wanted to ask what your wife did. Does she work? If not, how long has she not worked for? If so, what kind of job does she have? I'm assuming she does work or is on maternity leave by the way you reference the money as belonging to the both of you.

Sorry to pry so much into personal information, but the reason I am asking is because it reminds me of someone I know. He's married, talks about how he hates his wife, she drives him nuts, yet he keeps knocking her up (they're having their 2nd kid). The entire time they've been together she's never held down a full-time job and has pretty much lived off of his money. I can't even find empathy for the guy. Cold? Hardly.

Just as @JasonR mentioned - everything which happens can be attributed to the choices/decisions we make. I'm not trying to rub it in since there is no use in dwelling on what has happened. It's time to figure out what will happened.

You remind me of myself a little bit when you speak about not being able to reduce yourself to a job that pays $10/hour. I've felt this way several times in the past and I wish I hadn't. It was a poor mindset. If entrepreneurship is what you want, you should be willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen, even if that means working a shit job for a while. Remember - it's not permanent, just temporary. Hell, I recently made the decision to take the plunge and acknowledged there may be a point in which I have to pick up a shitty job for a bit. It may happen in the next few months actually, but I've managed to throw the sidewalk perception of "pride" out the window and dedicate myself to do what I have to do. I hope you do the same.

As far as convincing her goes, perhaps try finding a mutual solution - the gray area. That's really the only way to make that happen, unless you've done research and have found something that tilts the odds in your favor.

Best wishes in whatever happens, my friend.

 

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[Andy Black]

This whole thread is similar:

• www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/gun-to-your-head-what-would-you-do.60392

.
.
.

Here was my response in that thread:

Family first. That's your real job... to provide for them.

Take the job. I'd flip burgers if I had to.

Then see if you can free up an hour or two each evening on your own ventures. Knowing you have an escape plan (and that you're working towards your "freedom date" as Vigilante puts it) will enable you to put up with crap in your job that others won't.

If I had to do it all again, I'd take exactly the same route:

1. Find someone you know who has a local service business or is a freelance tradesman.
2. Get them to pay the AdWords fee, and maybe even a small fee to you.
3. Use *their* money to learn how to generate them leads.

Get paid to learn to generate leads with other people's money.

Read that again.



Lead generation is a genuine, in-demand skill. You don't even have to have years under your belt to earn money doing it. You just have to be able to set campaigns up better than the local mom-n-pop business trying to do it themselves, or don't know how to do anything online.

From there, there are many routes to scaling.


EDIT: Get enough points to access the Speedway forum and you'll find a 40 page procedure on how to setup AdWords campaigns for local lead generation. Even just reading all the posts linked to in my signature will put you faaar ahead of most AdWords agencies and pros.

Your call.​

 

[Andy Black]

I DON'T WANT TO SETTLE, THAT IS NOT ME! I WANT TO MOVE FORWARD AND FORGET ABOUT 9 TO 5'S!

Can you see anything wrong with this?

 

[Rawr]

You need money coming in NOW, you don't have time to be setting things up. Your wife is right, now go get something that makes you $500 a week, then use the time after work before bed to FOCUS and learn about new opportunities such as Andy's above. I know a few people who gave up careers to go writing full time. It always takes time to transition - usually at least a year. During that year you need to be making money until your side biz starts generating more money than your day job. Only then you can look to quit. No talking, no big plans, get a sales job if you can talk. Make 20-30 calls to jobs today. You need money coming in now.

 

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[Hackdroot]

Then see if you can free up an hour or two each evening on your own ventures. Knowing you have an escape plan (and that you're working towards your "freedom date" as Vigilante puts it) will enable you to put up with crap in your job that others won't.
​

This ^^^

I work 40 hours a week, maintain a house, and enjoy family time regularly. There is still plenty of time to pursue supplemental income in the evenings and weekends without neglecting any of those responsibilities. I accomplish this by not spending time watching TV, going out socializing and spending money I don't have, sleeping until noon, or sitting in front of Facebook/Reddit/etc for hours on end.

 

[theag]

Too late for the OP, but: http://wallstreetplayboys.com/no-marriage-pitchbook-project-two-chainz/

 

[happybhoy]

Hard work is the only thing that can save you now. Get the job to keep the wife happy (happy wife, happy life) and a side hustle to keep yourself happy.
Also, in defence of the family life. When the child comes along you'll have the most inspiring WHY possible.

 

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[Mr.B]

I just want her to understand that I want the best for us and our family to come.

I suspect that she does know this but simply doesn't agree with the way you are approaching things.

I was once married. We were in debt... a lot of debt. I wanted to invest $5000 that we didn't have in a new business. I had no previous business success, but was sure I was on a winner. At the prices I was getting these products I should be able to turn the $5000 into $15,000 without too much trouble.

My wife disagreed, she thought it was stupid. But I was certain it was a good idea, so I proceeded. I did all the important stuff first of course, like registering a business name, printing up business cards etc. Eventually I withdrew $5000 from my credit card, at the good old cash advance rates of 27% and walked my cash down to the nearest Western Union office.

I couldn't figure out why my contact wasn't replying...

The products should have been shipped by now...

Why won't he pick up the phone?

It was three days until I realised I'd been scammed, but more than three years before I was able to pay back the money I'd lost.

any psychologists here?? lol!

Hilarious.

You don't need a psychologist, but marriage counselling might be a good idea given how you are feeling. It's okay to ask for help.

 

[Vigilante]

2 Weeks ago, my wife was yelling at me to go get a job
Yesterday, after finding a job and being fired, due to inexperience, within a week of working, Wife was yelling at me "We can't support ourselves with pay like that, let alone the baby thats on the way"
We are currently living at my parents house and to add to that, We have over 10k just sitting around... Which she wants to save to use for an apt 3 months from now.
I keep telling her, lets use a little bit of that money to make some money, a small risk, like buying liquidations and reselling on ebay or something (after doing research and what not to minimize risk). Whatever the investment along with risk is, that is just an example. So lets not try to derail the thread.

Anything I throw at her, it's all "no, go back to the job market and look for a job" well, I agree 100% with looking for a job, but lets also attempt to grow this capital that we have on hand! I can't seem to break through to her that I am not the type of person that will settle for a 9 to 5 temp job making $10 and hour. I keep moving forward and I feel like she is suppressing my urge to take calculated risks.

How do I break it through to her that I want to take these risks while it is somewhat safe to do so?? I feel like she does not want me to do these things, she prefers for me to settle with a well paying job.... I DON'T WANT TO SETTLE, THAT IS NOT ME! I WANT TO MOVE FORWARD AND FORGET ABOUT 9 TO 5'S! I just want her to understand that I want the best for us and our family to come.

any psychologists here?? lol!

You're F*cking 30 years old. Time to take your panties off and become a man.

I don't like the way you talk about your wife.

• "Now I feel restricted and powerless"
• "Wife was yelling at me"
• "she wants to save"
• "I keep telling her"
• "Anything I throw at her"
• "I feel like she is suppressing my urge"
• "How do I break it through to her"
• "she does not want me to do these things,"
• "just want her to understand"

This is a train wreck. You have no job, no income, you are living at your parents house with your knocked up wife, and you want to take the little bit you have and blow it while she wants you to get a job, get an apartment and get a life. Dude, I hope you are trolling. You're F*cking 30 years old. You thought she needed the psychologist? Look in the mirror.

She's right. It is time for you to grow up. Grow a pair, become a man, get a job, get her moved out of your parents house, stop pretending to play business, and build a life for her and your kid.

You would have been better off with no wife (as you speak about her disrespectfully) and no baby (as you are not ready or wanting one). However, you don't have those choices any more.

You may have come here looking for people to back you up. Don't continue down the path of a dumb a$$. Get your shit together. Go get a job, start treating your wife with respect, and figure out how you can quickly convert both your attitude and your life to prepare for the birth of a kid. You picked the kid (and the wife) but the kid didn't get to pick you, and you owe the kid more than being an unemployed, video game playing failure to launch in the basement of your parents house.

 

[Bila]

Thanks @Vigilante for articulating, in a more direct way, my exact thoughts .

 

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[Esquire]

Get a divorce now.

Or get a divorce later.

Your choice.

But it is going to be a hell of a lot cheaper (emotionally, financially, or otherwise) if you get it over with now.

Sounds like staying married (to her) is fundamentally incompatible with your values.

50% of marriages end in divorce. I'm guessing this will be one of them (sorry).

No fun now (sucks) ... but get it over with ... and move on. In the long run ... you'll be glad you did.

 

[Esquire]

I missed the "baby on the way" part ...

Well ... that's a game changer.

One word:

Prison.

Where you will find yourself ... if you don't start earning an income (somehow) and pay child support.

I agree with @Vigilante ... time to man up.

Like it or not ... your childhood is over.