How do you develop authority to deal with people?

[monnffffiiiiiii]

There are two types of people: those you can mess with, and those you cannot.

They respectively look like this:



I don't think many people would mess with JK Simmons from Whiplash. On the other hand, Steve Carell would probably have some problems to get some respect, in a school, for example.

Why? I don't know. It's the vibes that people emanate.

Some people emanate a vibe saying something like "I'll f*** you up if you mess with me, kid". Like Dana White, or Joe Pesci, or my grandfather, or bikers with big tattoos and long beards. Or Johnny Boy. Never met the guy but from the way he writes, I wouldnt mess with Johnny Boy.

I have done some deep research on this topic but I have never found any conclusive answer, so I'm asking it here: how do you become someone people don't dare messing with?

I am asking because in my late twenties, I have absolutely no authority, over anyone, including kids. People walk over me without any problem, and I have no way to get myself respected. It's insane. Every time I want to do something, people around doubt, despite my track record. Even something as simple as driving. People ask "is it going to be ok driving?" like if I was some 16 year old. You wouldnt dare asking this to Joe Pesci if you were in a car with him, would you?

I don't know which vibe I emanate, but it's not one that inspires respect, trust, or worst case scenario, fear. And it's causing lots of problems in my relationships.

Thanks for the input!

 

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[Kung Fu Steve]

When you squeeze an orange what's the only thing that can ever come out? Orange juice.

When life squeezes you, what comes out? Whatever is inside.

Anger, fear, resentment, stress?

By asking the question "what can I DO", you're trying to live life outside in... But you can only ever live inside out.

The question is not what can I DO, but who do I want to BE?

More loving? More confident? Less judgey?

When life squeezes you what DO you want to come out?

 

[Jrjohnny]

You’ve got to put yourself into uncomfortable situations.

You’ve got to get used to people being hard on you.

You’ll learn to speak up.

They’ll start calling you a “a**hole” because they realize “oh shit I can’t manipulate him anymore.”

I remember when I got out of video games, I would play basketball with my friends.

All of a sudden, one of them starts crying, claiming I had fouled him.

Everyone claimed they saw it, but I had unshakable confidence in my actions, knowing I didn’t do anything.

They called me an a**hole. I didn’t care.

A few days later, the boy comes forward saying I didn’t do anything.

I confront the other boys, they say the never saw anything. They were just lying.

I haven’t been messed with since.

I put myself in these situations where I make myself uncomfortable.

Studies show that your body thrives in discomfort. That’s how it learns and grows.

So when your the guy who nobody wants to mess with, just remember it’s because everybody sits in their little bubbles, and don’t want to be disturbed

and your the guy who’s the first one to voluntarily put themselves in uncomfortable situations.

Of course, it matter of what you want to be, I’m nice to everyone, or atleast by default am, and I know my value.

I want to be this way because I always conformed to other kids, being less secure than a ginger bread house assembled with icing.

What are your values? Find that out first.

Until then,

-John

 

[BizyDad]

Never met the guy but from the way he writes, I wouldnt mess with Johnny Boy.

Start by ditching the loser mindset.

If the way someone writes is enough to get you to back down, you are clearly someone "who can be messed with".

Why?

Because you have lines that can be crossed. There is nothing Johnny Boy or JK Simmons (of all people, really? Lol) could do that would make you stand up to him?

Every man puts his pant legs on one at a time. Why do you see these people as better than you?

Treat people with respect. Project competence. Be comfortable in your own skin and around people. Make people laugh instead of always being such a downer (just my impression based on the way you write). If all else fails, stfu.

Lastly, don't assume you know how people see you. I have been shocked to find out some persons consider me "scary", because I don't see myself that way at all.

Someone asking "are you sure" is a pretty common response and it doesn't have to mean "they don't believe in me".

But I'll point out the obvious. Just asking this question makes it clear you don't believe in yourself, so why should others?

Everyone of consequence has doubters and haters. Why do yours affect you so much?

You’ve got to put yourself into uncomfortable situations.

I can't stop laughing. This is awesome.

 

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[Jrjohnny]

I can't stop laughing. This is awesome.

As in a good way or bad way?

 

[monnffffiiiiiii]

Because you have lines that can be crossed.

Why do you think some people have their lines crossed, and some do not?

What's the difference between them?

 

[Kevin88660]

There are two types of people: those you can mess with, and those you cannot.

They respectively look like this:

View attachment 52529

I don't think many people would mess with JK Simmons from Whiplash. On the other hand, Steve Carell would probably have some problems to get some respect, in a school, for example.

Why? I don't know. It's the vibes that people emanate.

Some people emanate a vibe saying something like "I'll f*** you up if you mess with me, kid". Like Dana White, or Joe Pesci, or my grandfather, or bikers with big tattoos and long beards. Or Johnny Boy. Never met the guy but from the way he writes, I wouldnt mess with Johnny Boy.

I have done some deep research on this topic but I have never found any conclusive answer, so I'm asking it here: how do you become someone people don't dare messing with?

I am asking because in my late twenties, I have absolutely no authority, over anyone, including kids. People walk over me without any problem, and I have no way to get myself respected. It's insane. Every time I want to do something, people around doubt, despite my track record. Even something as simple as driving. People ask "is it going to be ok driving?" like if I was some 16 year old. You wouldnt dare asking this to Joe Pesci if you were in a car with him, would you?

I don't know which vibe I emanate, but it's not one that inspires respect, trust, or worst case scenario, fear. And it's causing lots of problems in my relationships.

Thanks for the input!

It is not good to be someone whom others should not mess with.

People who are ultra-vengeful or have nothing to lose are people others should not mess with.

You define "messing with you" as people who doubt you. It is a narrow definition that invites you to get triggered for every small thing.

"Messing with me" in my mind is people who deliberately waste my time or try to scam my money. I find scammers super annoying, spamming us with text these days, even though the actions are nothing personal. I used to unleash towards them verbally when I returned the call. Not anymore as I learn those oversea mules are also victims held at gunpoints and had to make these calls.

 

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[StrikingViper69]

Rather than focussing on weird ideas, focus on achieving concrete goals.

What have you done this week? What are you doing next week?

You said you’ve done a lot of research into this topic… work on something useful instead.

From some of the things you’ve posted, it sounds like you spend a lot of time trapped in your head rather than doing something, making a product, making a sale, building a system.

 

[shubham___3011]

To develop authority you should know what you are speaking, either it is about business or some personal advice. If what you speak has wisdom people will stop and hear from you.

Getting rid of the victim mindset like why dont people believe in me or why does everyone come behind me rather use that time to build yourself and yeah you will build authority over time

 

[Andy Black]

how do you become someone people don't dare messing with?

Probably by not caring about the above.

I'm 52 and you've made me wonder for the first time as an adult if people dare messing with me.

It never dawned on me to wonder before.

I go for a walk and say hello to everyone going the other way. I'm not trying to be someone they don't mess with.

I see bigger guys in the gym and I know they've got the bigger weights so mine must be somewhere on the rack.

If someone passes comment on my plans I just smile or laugh. It doesn't matter, I'm doing it anyway.

 

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[Andy Black]

From some of the things you’ve posted, it sounds like you spend a lot of time trapped in your head rather than doing something, making a product, making a sale, building a system.

... and helping people too.

 

[Panos Daras]

There are two types of people: those you can mess with, and those you cannot.

They respectively look like this:

View attachment 52529

I don't think many people would mess with JK Simmons from Whiplash. On the other hand, Steve Carell would probably have some problems to get some respect, in a school, for example.

Why? I don't know. It's the vibes that people emanate.

Some people emanate a vibe saying something like "I'll f*** you up if you mess with me, kid". Like Dana White, or Joe Pesci, or my grandfather, or bikers with big tattoos and long beards. Or Johnny Boy. Never met the guy but from the way he writes, I wouldnt mess with Johnny Boy.

I have done some deep research on this topic but I have never found any conclusive answer, so I'm asking it here: how do you become someone people don't dare messing with?

I am asking because in my late twenties, I have absolutely no authority, over anyone, including kids. People walk over me without any problem, and I have no way to get myself respected. It's insane. Every time I want to do something, people around doubt, despite my track record. Even something as simple as driving. People ask "is it going to be ok driving?" like if I was some 16 year old. You wouldnt dare asking this to Joe Pesci if you were in a car with him, would you?

I don't know which vibe I emanate, but it's not one that inspires respect, trust, or worst case scenario, fear. And it's causing lots of problems in my relationships.

Thanks for the input!

What have you done to demand respect and be treated as a subject matter expert?

 

[Black_Dragon43]

The question is not what can I DO, but who do I want to BE?

But how do you decide on BEING without DOING? In my experience, being X requires that you do what X does. In the end it’s actions that shape you a lot more than thoughts do.

I don't know which vibe I emanate, but it's not one that inspires respect, trust, or worst case scenario, fear. And it's causing lots of problems in my relationships.

It’s not about the vibe. It’s about punishing people for crossing the line — LEADERSHIP.

You respect the laws of your country for the most part. Why? Because if you don’t, big lads come, handcuff you, and put you in a cold dark place called jail for a long time. And they’ve done it before — they’ve proven that if someone crosses the line that’s what happens.

Obviously you cannot have such drastic punishments for crossing the line. But there has to be some form of punishment, which includes not speaking with that person, cutting them off from your circle of friends, refusing to help them when they need it, and so on.

How do you think the mafia holds people in line? Everyone knows what the punishment is for betrayal, and that punishment has been enacted when people have crossed the line. Therefore it’s a combination of awareness of punishment (if someone doesn’t know what is punishable and what the punishment is, then it’s useless to punish people — then you’re just a tyrant), ability to detect overstepping the line, and then enforcement of the punishment, not vindictively, but as a demonstration to the person in question (and others who may know or learn about it) of what happens when they cross the line.

@Johnny boy has demonstrated through the stories he told you that he’ll cut your head off if you disrespect him. Hell, he even kicked his own gf out of the house, now just imagine what he’ll do to you.

 

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[MitchC]

Some people emanate a vibe saying something like "I'll f*** you up if you mess with me, kid". Like Dana White, or Joe Pesci, or my grandfather, or bikers with big tattoos and long beards.

Because they would, would you? Why do you want to emit this vibe if it’s not you?

When someone asks if you if it’s going to be okay driving you take it like an insult

If someone asked me that I wouldn’t

I would think they are nervous because they wouldn’t do that drive

My answer would be yeah it will be fine, a chance to show leadership and confidence or whatever

And I wouldn’t think about it again

You take it as a chance to be offended and insecure over nothing

I imagine you don’t have confidence in yourself and your abilities and that is why you are interpreting things this way, maybe people are picking up those vibes too and they are making them question you, its interesting though because reading your post that doesn’t seem like it’s the case?

Is there something you haven’t done yet that you want to do or feel like you need to be able to do? Maybe it’s missing. Martial arts, fitness, business success, something like that. Maybe there is something you haven’t been able to master which is giving you this lack of faith and confidence in yourself.

Listen to me trying to be some kind of therapist or psychologist with no degree, never having met you. Makes me wonder why you even posted this thread here but hopefully you get some good advice.

My advice would be get huge or really good at martial arts, preferably both, you’ll gain confidence in yourself, your ability to do shit, your ability to F*ck someone up if they disrespect you and if you get huge no ones going to question you anyway. Bjj is great for learning to remain calm in tough situations.

 

[monnffffiiiiiii]

It’s not about the vibe. It’s about punishing people for crossing the line — LEADERSHIP.

You're close.

Some people will punish you if you cross the line but you wont care - they have no authority.

Others will punish you, and you will care very much - they have authority.

What's the basis of that authority? Whats the difference between those who have, and those who do not?

Besides vibes, ofc.

PS: another one is Ramzan Kadyrov. Just looking at his face, you know you should not mess with that dude.

 

[EmperorPear]

I have done some deep research on this topic but I have never found any conclusive answer, so I'm asking it here: how do you become someone people don't dare messing with?

I am asking because in my late twenties, I have absolutely no authority, over anyone, including kids. People walk over me without any problem, and I have no way to get myself respected. It's insane. Every time I want to do something, people around doubt, despite my track record. Even something as simple as driving. People ask "is it going to be ok driving?" like if I was some 16 year old. You wouldnt dare asking this to Joe Pesci if you were in a car with him, would you?

Respect is an interesting problem. Most people believe either one of two things: that respect must be earned (or is intrinsic to a man); or that it is demanded (extrinsically enforced). You fall into the former camp, by the way you describe JK Simmons.

It's a false dichotomy, though. Respect must be earned and demanded. Imagine some authority figure passing you by on the street casually. No uniform, no escorts, no blood in his hands. He just went out to take out the trash and get some milk. You probably wouldn't notice him, unless he made a presence of himself (ie. subtly demanding it). Or how about some random guy who goes around and demands people show him proper respect? You'd think he was a tryhard.

Another thing to mention is that you will always have people challenging you, questioning your authority, your competence. No matter how much respect you command, there will always be someone who believes he can command just as much as you. Do not falter when you encounter these people. Rise up to the challenge, and bring out your own arsenal against his.

Now that the introduction is out of the way, let's tackle the main questions: How do I earn respect? How do I demand it?

Earning respect

The source of your intrinsic respect will be your competence, your effectiveness, your skills, your accomplishments and your value.
A person who puts his money where his mouth is and comes up with solutions when nobody can, a person who does things others cannot, one who accomplishes, or already accomplished, what others are trying to do.

To earn respect, you must:

• Become very skilled at something useful. Because whenever people will need help with a certain area in life, you will be their go-to guy. This need not be only hard skills like fixing a car or having the best economic advice. Having people skills or merely being the guy who bring the energy to the party works just as well.
• Throw yourself into varied experiences. Because the most respected people out there are ones with the most experience. If you've seen and done a lot of things, you will have a variety of experiences to draw inspiration from. Also great for having something to talk about.
• Be calm and focused. Because nothing commands more respect than being the eye of the storm. Know how to keep a cool head in times of crisis, and you will be the anchor to which the panicked will cling to for salvation. Following the two instructions above will give you the breadth and depth of experience that will allow you to focus on solving issues with a clear head, rather than panicking or complaining like most do.
• Make yourself look effortless. Because it ties in with the advice above. The coolest ways of doing things is the one that makes challenges look like a breeze to go through. Even if you expend a lot of effort, do not lampshade it, as if it's the measure of your worth. It isn't, your results are.
• Break some rules sometimes. Because being rebellious and looking for an out-of-the-box solution for things will do wonders. This doesn't mean to go on a crime spree, just not to be a supplicant to other authorities, that goes by 'the book'. Because if you do, how will you assert your own authority?
• Be a dependable person. Because nothing erodes trust and respect than saying you will do something, then not do it. If nobody can depend on your word, how will it be respected?

But this is only half of the story. Once you earn respect, you must demand that the others pay respect.

Demanding respect

Do not allow you to take your name, reputation, time and life as a personal footstool. People will take you for granted if you let them do whatever they want with you, and that is the fastlane of being disrespected.

To demand respect, you must:

• Ration your time like food was rationed in WW2. Because you will be taken for granted if you're always available. If you're on this forum, you're seeking to grind out a business and that is priority number one. Everything else is secondary. Make others respect your time. When you do become available for something, see if it's worth your time. Are you over-investing yourself? You wouldn't paint a three story house for a stranger on the street, now would you? Learn to say "no" if you already haven't. Not even "Sorry, but..." I mean a hard "no". It's worth being a dick to random people the first few times you do this, before you tone it down and learn to give more diplomatic answers that still carry the point across.
• Tell them to respect you, not ask for it. Because this is a mistake many pushovers do. They ask someone not to bother them, or plead with them not to be annoying. Remember, this section is called demand respect, not ask for respect nicely. A question gives a person a choice, and they can always choose not to listen to your plaintive cries.
• Request things from others. Because they must be invested in you, as well, to respect you. You have probably heard of this trick in pop-psych excerpts when you ask for a pen or something trivial to get someone to like you. It actually works, but it must be more than a pen. You should start small with the people you've just met, of course, and shouldn't bark orders all the time like a drill sergeant, but you must have reciprocity with people around you. Even if someone declines, that's a great way to vet who's willing to cooperate with you, and who isn't.
• Be harder to please. Because only rats and cockroaches are satisfied with scraps, and that you are not. When someone passes off shit for gold to you, do not take it with a smile on your face. This will not only filter bullshit from your radar, but will also make the people that truly do meet your expectations and satisfy you just that much happier when they see a genuine smile on your face.
• Stand up for yourself when challenged. Because if you won't, then who will? This does not mean to fistfight with every a$$ that comes your way, but to use your words whenever someone feels comfortable enough with calling you out. Make them feel like asses for even trying to besmirch your name. There are many ways to shoot down people that try to tool you, but you want to do it in a way that respects the effortless and calm behavior I outlined in the "earn" section, so do not instantly start foaming at the mouth in a berserker rage when someone insults you.

Armed with these tips you can begin working on making your presence one that commands the respect you desire. It's a lifelong journey though. As i said, there will always be someone to challenge you, and there will always be a need for new skills and a
...But what about the old ones?

Reversing already established respect and boundaries is hard.

Not impossible, but you're fighting a steep uphill battle. When you try to stand up for yourself, people will just think you're cranky and wait for you to cool off. I'm not saying to give up on this behavior around them, I'm just telling you that they have already formed an image about you in their minds and no matter how much you change it, it's sitting on a faulty bedrock. When they inevitably ask what's up with the new you, you can either claim to have had a life changing experience, or plead insanity (that wasn't me, this is the true me); but this will only work if your behavior has indeed truly and completely changed.

Good luck.

 

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[Kevin88660]

You're close.

Some people will punish you if you cross the line but you wont care - they have no authority.

Others will punish you, and you will care very much - they have authority.

What's the basis of that authority? Whats the difference between those who have, and those who do not?

Besides vibes, ofc.

PS: another one is Ramzan Kadyrov. Just looking at his face, you know you should not mess with that dude.

Leadership is like politics it is a sophisticated skill.

It is not just about being tough like a gangster or a**hole. That’s a fast track to be an outcast or into prison.

You are a leader because the men working below you rely on you to feed their families. That is the most important thing.

It is like a business literally.

If you are a project manager are you the last person to leave the office? Are you the first one to take credit but disappear when SHTF and there is a lot of tough work to do. Everyone is watching you and judging your action.

Talk is cheap. Sacrifice your own time and effort to set an example is what sets the difference.

Elon Musk has the reputation of being an extreme hard worker and demands everyone to do the same. Ex-employees and haters complained that Elon is unproductive and says Elon codes badly. The haters know coding but probably they are clueless about leadership.

Leadership is sacrifice with a big S. That is why most people do not aspire to be leaders.

I do maintain a reputation of being helpful and reliable among my own circle and network. That already takes a lot of my personal time and effort. I do not see myself as a leader or wanting to be one because I know what it would cost me.

 

[Black_Dragon43]

Some people will punish you if you cross the line but you wont care - they have no authority.

Others will punish you, and you will care very much - they have authority.

What's the basis of that authority? Whats the difference between those who have, and those who do not?

Besides vibes, ofc.

PS: another one is Ramzan Kadyrov. Just looking at his face, you know you should not mess with that dude.

I think the mistake you’re making is thinking the basis for authority is in personality or looks. It’s not.

It’s in power.

A kid on some street in Africa simply lacks the power to punish me with anything meaningful for me.

On the other hand even Ramzan Kadyrov knows not to mess with Putin. Look at what happened to Putin’s enemies.

That’s the source of authority. (1) having power to do meaningful harm and (2) willingness to use it if needed. It’s sufficient for Putin to make a small comment to Kadyrov and he will obey. Why? Because he knows Putin can have him dead virtually instantly.

If others “punish” me and I don’t care, it simply means that I perceive no harm in the way they chose to punish me in. Say a beggar on the street stops saying hi as I pass by. I simply don’t care. But… if the woman you love stops saying hi, now that’s different because you value her attention.

So the difference between the two is that one has power to do meaningful harm and the other doesn’t.

 

[BizyDad]

As in a good way or bad way?

In a funny way. You probably haven't been around to know this, but Monfi has (or had) a newsletter on getting out of your comfort zone.

The beginning of your advice was similar to telling MJ he might want to study the fundamentals of wealth creation or telling Kak he should probably aim his sights higher.

It was solid advice you gave, but I found the situation funny.

Why do you think some people have their lines crossed, and some do not?

What's the difference between them?

There's more to it, but I'll simplify it down to two things.

Consequences or caring.

Consequences is the thing everyone imagines. Cross my lines and I'll do xyz to you. If people don't care about or aren't afraid of the consequences, then your boundary isn't all that strong.

Still, this involves projecting outward strength.

The other side is more internal. How much do you care? There is a part of everyone's brain that will laugh at or mock other's insecurities. We test each other all the time. As you "project" a boundary, some people are naturally drawn to testing it. They want to see the reaction. They want to see fireworks.

So the other way to avoid having boundaries crossed is by lowering your projection and reactiveness. Stfu. Ignore it. Make a joke out of it. In this way you develop the unflappable reputation that so many men aspire to.

If you treat everything like a slap in the face, life will find ways to slap you in the face. The less you react, the less you get tested by those around you.

Which is what I was trying to say before. Sometimes a perceived slap isn't a slap at all. I submit to you that many of the problems you face in relationships are inventions of your mind.

I'll share this

View: https://youtu.be/I8KAO_eCouI?si=HCKR56Ri628_EmN9

Rather than focussing on weird ideas, focus on achieving concrete goals.

What have you done this week? What are you doing next week?

You said you’ve done a lot of research into this topic… work on something useful instead.

From some of the things you’ve posted, it sounds like you spend a lot of time trapped in your head rather than doing something, making a product, making a sale, building a system.

The perils of already having money. He has the time to navel gaze.

This thread reminds me of the addage, money amplifies character.

But how do you decide on BEING without DOING? In my experience, being X requires that you do what X does. In the end it’s actions that shape you a lot more than thoughts do.

It’s not about the vibe. It’s about punishing people for crossing the line — LEADERSHIP.

You respect the laws of your country for the most part. Why? Because if you don’t, big lads come, handcuff you, and put you in a cold dark place called jail for a long time. And they’ve done it before — they’ve proven that if someone crosses the line that’s what happens.

Obviously you cannot have such drastic punishments for crossing the line. But there has to be some form of punishment, which includes not speaking with that person, cutting them off from your circle of friends, refusing to help them when they need it, and so on.

How do you think the mafia holds people in line? Everyone knows what the punishment is for betrayal, and that punishment has been enacted when people have crossed the line. Therefore it’s a combination of awareness of punishment (if someone doesn’t know what is punishable and what the punishment is, then it’s useless to punish people — then you’re just a tyrant), ability to detect overstepping the line, and then enforcement of the punishment, not vindictively, but as a demonstration to the person in question (and others who may know or learn about it) of what happens when they cross the line.

@Johnny boy has demonstrated through the stories he told you that he’ll cut your head off if you disrespect him. Hell, he even kicked his own gf out of the house, now just imagine what he’ll do to you.

A couple of things...

1. You can also earn by "not doing". There is wisdom in strategic inaction.

2. No organization has ever been able to keep everyone in line. Slavery was resisted. All empires were resisted.

3. Johnny boy built himself quite the legend with this gf move didn't he? You see someone who is a threat, but when I read that post, I read about someone who actually admitted she made him weak. Instead of getting stronger, he removed the source of weakness.

That's the standard for "Don't mess with this guy?" Come on fellas. No disrespect intended to Johnny boy, he was very transparent sharing that story and I respect that, but I don't understand the pedestal he got placed on because of this.

The guy had readily admitted he is lazy, how he built his business in a way to force himself to step up (externally motivated), and his workouts are not for strength or health, but for looking good.

Johnny is a powerful poster with a thriving business who is growing and seems quite self aware. There are a ton of reasons to respect him.

4. Some idiot tested Mike Tyson on a plane. There is no way to prevent boundaries from being crossed.

5. Putin gets messed with too. The guy had to deal with a coup, and could face another one.

You're close.

Some people will punish you if you cross the line but you wont care - they have no authority.

Others will punish you, and you will care very much - they have authority.

What's the basis of that authority? Whats the difference between those who have, and those who do not?

Besides vibes, ofc.

PS: another one is Ramzan Kadyrov. Just looking at his face, you know you should not mess with that dude.

The basis of authority is having control over something people want or need and being able to leverage this to accept your direction in socially acceptable ways.

Sometimes in social situations the thing people want or need is a direction, and if you just lead they will follow.

I do not see myself as a leader or wanting to be one because I know what it would cost me.

This is the attitude of a follower. At least Kevin is sufficiently consciously self aware about it. Most people aren't.

 

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[BizyDad]

I think the mistake you’re making is thinking the basis for authority is in personality or looks. It’s not.

The appearance of power can work.

Wear a suit everywhere and tell me people don't treat you differently.

 

[monnffffiiiiiii]

People will take you for granted if you let them do whatever they want with you, and that is the fastlane of being disrespected.

Thanks for your long and thoughtful reply.

I think the mistake you’re making is thinking the basis for authority is in personality or looks. It’s not.

It’s in power.

A kid on some street in Africa simply lacks the power to punish me with anything meaningful for me.

On the other hand even Ramzan Kadyrov knows not to mess with Putin. Look at what happened to Putin’s enemies.

That’s the source of authority. (1) having power to do meaningful harm and (2) willingness to use it if needed. It’s sufficient for Putin to make a small comment to Kadyrov and he will obey. Why? Because he knows Putin can have him dead virtually instantly.

If others “punish” me and I don’t care, it simply means that I perceive no harm in the way they chose to punish me in. Say a beggar on the street stops saying hi as I pass by. I simply don’t care. But… if the woman you love stops saying hi, now that’s different because you value her attention.

So the difference between the two is that one has power to do meaningful harm and the other doesn’t.

Thanks! That's absolutely right.

 

[Andy Black]

Monfi has (or had) a newsletter on getting out of your comfort zone.

Was that not MTF, or did Monfi also have a newsletter about getting out of your comfortzone?

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

have been shocked to find out some persons consider me "scary",

How did you find out?

Was that not MTF

MTF ... the Discomfort Club.

 

[Andy Black]

I do not see myself as a leader or wanting to be one because I know what it would cost me.

What would it cost you?

A leader is in motion, and seen to be in motion.

When a sheep decides the grass in a different corner looks good it just starts walking there. It doesn't tell all the other sheep to follow.

But because it's seen to be in motion other sheep start following.

I doubt the sheep in front classes itself as a leader or is even aware 20 sheep are following in single file.

"People listen to experts, they follow leaders."
(Dan Gallapoo)

 

[BizyDad]

Was that not MTF, or did Monfi also have a newsletter about getting out of your comfortzone?

How did you find out?



MTF ... the Discomfort Club.

Guys, are we sure they aren't the same person?

Jokes aside, apologies to Monfi and MTF for confusing you both.

 

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[Black_Dragon43]

3. Johnny boy built himself quite the legend with this gf move didn't he? You see someone who is a threat, but when I read that post, I read about someone who actually admitted she made him weak. Instead of getting stronger, he removed the source of weakness.

That's the standard for "Don't mess with this guy?" Come on fellas.

No, I don’t see someone who is a threat, just someone who has no qualms being ruthless when needed.

I consider myself the equal of Elon Musk. So that should tell you something.

I see no “demigods” — they’re all men, with all the weaknesses and bravado that men have. The legend is always greater than the man, and that’s perhaps the main tool for influence.

 

[Jrjohnny]

Responding To my previous post and after putting some thought into it:

Don’t try to emit a “don’t mess with me, you don’t want to find out” energy if that’s not you.

Emit your natural energy; some people won’t like it, some people will.

Be that guy who people know doesn’t give one shit about what others say.

That’ll get rid of most of the shit talkers, because they tend to notice it’s not effective against you.

Be a respectable guy. Don’t put others down.

But don’t put yourself down. Hold your boundaries. Know your worth.

I’m a cool dude I think. I think I’m nice. Some people don’t like that:

I don’t care, I know my worth. But I know others worth. I remain humble and with humility.

That’s my natural energy. But as soon as someone crosses my personal boundaries (touching my face, making me uncomfortable, making others uncomfortable, etc) then I know that their not worthy of my energy.

Someone makes a un funny joke about me, I’d tell them I don’t like it.

When you stand your ground, people know that you know your worth.

You don’t need to make everyone feel little, you just got to make them know you know your worth.

Everyone hates that “you don’t want to mess with me or I’ll mess you up” type guy.

I’m more of “don’t mess with me, I know my worth” type guy.

I have fun with others; I’m not stone cold, I laugh if they make some funny joke. I don’t beat them up.

I don’t get physical with others unless they get physical first. And even then, it depends.

So you’ve got the wrong idea: your trying to be that guy everyone’s scared of, how about you be that guy everyone likes and knows that he knows what he’s worth?

As soon as they notice you know what your worth, they’ll identify you as confident. Because it takes courage to know your worth.

Why do you worry so much? You know we all will die one day; you have a limited amount of shits you can give, so why bother wasting time, energy and other things on something someone asked you because they might be nervous?

So, monfi, instead of asking us how to be that guy, how about we ask you, do you know what your worth? do you know how to not care about things?

Edit: spelling

 

[Plushy]

Someone who can be messed with
Person A: *messes with them for no reason*
Person B: "Oh no, what did I do wrong to deserve that? What can I do differently? is there something wrong with me?"
Person B continues to hang out with Person A trying to get their approval and change themselves. Person A derives gratification from continually messing with person B. Person B chases after person A for approval.

Someone who can't be messed with
Person A: *messes with them for no reason*
Person B: Wow what an a**hole. What's wrong with them? Hm, better stay away from that loser. Something's wrong with him.
Person B walks away and hangs out with person C, H, and F who are considerate and respectable people. Person B knows his time is valuable, that he is a good person, and he deserves to be treated with respect. Person B has his own approval.

 

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[Andy Black]

you have a limited amount of shits you can give

Lol. Love this. There's a punchline or meme there I can't think of.

Someone should at least calculate the number of shits people have to give in an average lifetime.

 

[Jrjohnny]

Lol. Love this. There's a punchline or meme there I can't think of.

Someone should at least calculate the number of shits people have to give in an average lifetime.

If I would have to say, it’s no more then 3 shits at once.

But, in reality, people worry about 5 bazillion tiny things, and millions of big ones.

You have to pick and choose. People give a shit about how that one person looked at them when they were driving to work one day! Then they couldn’t focus during work!

You need to learn to shrug unimportant things off your shoulders. What someone else is doing, what they’re thinking about, what they think about you, what their going to say, etc and just focus on you.

You can’t give a shit about how you’ve gotten better than all the people around you. It’s you vs you.

If you can shrug small and unimportant encounters off your shoulders and mind, then keep pushing forward towards what really matters, you will succeed.