How Did / Do YOU Deal With Fear of Criticism?

[Michael Greene]

Hey guys,

I don't know what my deal is but for some reason i can't seem to get over this anxiety / fear no matter how much i encounter it. I've done some stupid stuff to deal with it. Before, i would get uncomfortable when people asked if i was in school because I'm not and i felt like i'd be judged for that. So after one instance of that, i decided i would talk to 100 strangers and tell them my plans for life to get their opinions on it as a way of confronting that specific fear. I got to about 40 something when i realized how insignificant their opinions were (most people were encouraging by the way).

You'd think after all that i'd have this under control or at least some good defense against it but i don't. I feel like this is the main obstacle in the way of getting where i want to be. I figured out the Law of Effection is the key to success a while before i came across the millionaire fastlane , but the idea of putting myself out there gives me anxiety. It's not even criticism from strangers that scares me it's criticism from people i know and that already know what i do!

It's completely illogical. Because these people know what i do already, and i know their opinions and judgement wouldn't make me quit on my dreams so i don't understand why i let it immobilize me?

Can anyone relate? If so how did you deal with it?

 

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[wbrett1027]

Dude, lie to them, tell them you got accepted to Harvard ....who cares, whatever makes you get one step futher in life,

Little story,
I announced to this "croud" of people online, that I was going to be releasing a product that was very rare
People commented on it saying all kinds of crazy stuff, that I wouldn't, it's a lie, scam , etc etc etc

We'll 4 months later I released it and announced it on social media..
Where did those people go?? Lol

I don't talk much to anyone about what I do, because there opinions don't matter to me

I also wouldn't go talk to 100 strangers and ask for there opinion because 99% of them probably have a 40/40/40 job




Brett.

 

[SSimz]

I found this video a few days ago, hopefully it helps

 

[pickeringmt]

The only opinion that should matter to you is the opinion of someone that is more like you want to be than you are.

 

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[SteveO]

I have always had difficulty expressing my opinion or trying to explain something to people. My wife makes jokes about it. Sometimes I'll be talking in a crowd and she will say "Let me clarify... I speak Steve....".

It had me paralyzed in my earlier years. I would not talk to people that I did not know. My friends and family used to make phone calls for me.

There was so much insecurity. I looked at myself as inferior to everyone else. It made it hard for me to do anything at work.

Not sure how I overcame this. I still do not communicate very well verbally. But, now I don't care what others might think of my speaking skills. In fact, I don't care what they think of me. All I care about is what I think of me.

I really like self development. Not like taking classes or reading books. More like meditation and thought processes. One item that I put effort into is what I consider duplicity. It has to do with getting down on yourself or not believing in your own self-worth. I make every attempt to view my life as a constant stream of experiences. Not good or bad, better or worse, just simply experiences. I am not going to hit myself in the head and say "Wow. I could have had a V8..."

 

[socaldude]

The problem here is that you are trying to get self-esteem where it is impossible to get. Outside of yourself.

Nobody. I mean NOBODY who has high self-esteem gets it because of what other people think.

Society has programmed some very bad beliefs into you, a lot of which you are deeply unaware of. And this includes the belief that we should strive to please and impress others. TOTALLY harmful to you. This may be normal but just because its normal and everybody suffers from it does not make it GOOD.

Hint: Back when I was stuck in this mindset I was deeply unhappy with myself.

True self-esteem can only come from a self-knowledge where we come to know our true capacities. Its internally sourced and unshaken by external causes.

 

[mws87]

I usually don't announce many plans to people anymore unless the process has been completed first. Why? Announcing I was going to start something was almost like subconscioisly seeking validation. I also noticed when I would announce something I usually never stuck to it.

Think about people who make new years resolutions.

I used to suffer anxiety baaadly. It caused me to become agoraphobic, a disorder I used to think was ridiculous. Nope, that shit is real life man.

After deciding to not give a shit anymore, I literally made a full recovery in about 8 months. Of course there wasn't a magic bullet, it was a process. The biggest part was changing mindset and facing fears.

If I could do it, I don't see why anyone else wouldn't be able to

 

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[High Roller]

Sounds to me like you're seeking validation from others when the only validation you need is from yourself. The anxiety you're getting from putting yourself out there can be a result of you worrying that your big ambitions will make the more average people in your life feel uncomfortable, and as a result, that makes you uncomfortable. You say others opinions of your dreams won't stop you from pursuing them, so why even let them affect you at all?

Might want to work on developing a few energies: Grounding Energy, Purpose-Driven Energy, and Free-Energy. Grounding energy basically meaning that you stay true to who you are [ values, beliefs, goals, etc ], Purpose-Driven energy being you stay true to who you want to be [ fulfilling those values, beliefs, goals, etc ], and Free energy meaning that you are completely uninhibited by anybody else's opinion of what the first 2 energy's represent to you.

Personally, I never talk to anybody about what I do or what my goals are unless we're on the same wave length [ very rare ]. Most people are too small minded to comprehend these sorts of things so they won't understand anyway. They'll most likely give you a hard time about it. Best to just do you and let your actions and their results speak for themselves.

 

[luniac]

Hey guys,

I don't know what my deal is but for some reason i can't seem to get over this anxiety / fear no matter how much i encounter it. I've done some stupid stuff to deal with it. Before, i would get uncomfortable when people asked if i was in school because I'm not and i felt like i'd be judged for that. So after one instance of that, i decided i would talk to 100 strangers and tell them my plans for life to get their opinions on it as a way of confronting that specific fear. I got to about 40 something when i realized how insignificant their opinions were (most people were encouraging by the way).

You'd think after all that i'd have this under control or at least some good defense against it but i don't. I feel like this is the main obstacle in the way of getting where i want to be. I figured out the Law of Effection is the key to success a while before i came across the millionaire fastlane , but the idea of putting myself out there gives me anxiety. It's not even criticism from strangers that scares me it's criticism from people i know and that already know what i do!

It's completely illogical. Because these people know what i do already, and i know their opinions and judgement wouldn't make me quit on my dreams so i don't understand why i let it immobilize me?

Can anyone relate? If so how did you deal with it?

When your desire to accomplish your goal is greater than your fear of criticism.

 

[OscarDeuce]

The people who are closest to you are always the ones who will be most critical. They wrongly interpret your desire for business success as you trying to make yourself "better then them." This sets off their alarm bells - you're trying to leave the heard and they want to pull you back in. When they hear your plans they'll look for and point out every way that you could possibly fail in hopes that you will give up and just continue to be content being one of them.

Once you understand where that criticism is coming from and why, you can begin to formulate a better response, which can include a range of tactics from just ignoring it (after all, they're criticizing your plans because they LIKE you, and want you to remain one of them) to separating yourself from the people who engage in this behavior.

Cheers,
O-2

 

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[Adam Secada]

Hey, cool!

I wrote a blog post about this not more than a week ago, dealing with fear and anxiety.

http://aberrantly.com/2015/05/29/your-brain-is-dumb-this-is-why/

TLDR -- Your fear center, the Amygdala, isn't hard wired to deal with the rapid technology advancements over the past 100 years. In the stone age, the amygdala was a valuable tool. Nowadays, its more of a hindrance than anything else. Which is stupid, because stakes are so F*cking low nowadays.

1. There are 7 Billion people in the world. If you make a bad impression on 10 of them, it won't matter. You won't see those people ever again.
2. I'm developing a course and book on the art of extroversion, and without getting too much into the minutae of self esteem, absolutely EVERYONE puts stock in what the populous at large thinks. In a world where Kim Kardashian is popular, and last time I checked American Idol was getting more votes than our National Elections, I pose this question to you: why do you F*cking care what these morons think? WHY? This makes me so F*cking mad.... sorry, lol.
3. Something I tell my students to do is make a conscious decision to not give a shit about what other people are doing. Look at your Facebook feed, look at your Twitter Feed, and Instagram feed. Look at the trending stories. Here are some of the top ones from today:
   Dennis Rodman: Former NBA Player Says He Would Go on a Date With Caitlyn Jenner
   Ted 2: 2nd Red Band Trailer Released for Upcoming Comedy Film Sequel
   Somerset, Pennsylvania: Man Set Up Fake DUI Checkpoint While Intoxicated, Police Say
   Look at those dumb stories. Just look at how dumb people are. This is what people care about -- this is what is trending, and what the masses are talking about. And you care about what they think? I'm just going to let that hang awkwardly in the air. No, you know what, I'm going to repeat it: YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT THEY THINK?
4. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. If you achieve too much success, these people will get worried. Why? Because of #2 above -- people care about what people around them care about. So... if you are doing good in a business you have started yourself, are seeing your bank account steadily increase and are loving what you do, people will see that as a threat, and sabotage it. Even your friends will do this. Don't let them.

 

[theag]

I stood in the corner of my office and cried a little.

jk. Actually, I dont give a F*ck lol

 

[Michael Greene]

I found this video a few days ago, hopefully it helps

This is everything

 

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[Michael Greene]

Thank you each and every one of you for your input and replies. I truly appreciate it and all of it is true. The dumb thing about me is that it's not really the criticism that bothers me, it's more of letting these people SEE me fail. I'm not really scared to fail, failure is a normal part of the process like MJ said in the book, but something about people i know SEEING me fail is what gets to me but its inevitable.It's nonsensical i know.

I'm going to apply what's been said in this thread and that video though, if this is the only thing holding me back it'd be stupid to realize it and not do anything about it. Thank you guys.

 

[million$$$smile]

I think we all seek some form of validation from others.
I also think it is important.
We just need to make sure we are seeking the validation from a peer group that WE CAN RESPECT IN THE CHOSEN FIELD THAT WE ARE DEEPLY INVOLVED IN. ie: sports figures receiving validation and respect from other sports figures, neurosurgeons with neurosurgeons, etc.

Its when we allow anxiety to creep in when we hear it from friends, family members, strangers, etc.

"A prophet is not welcome in his own home"

Turn that anxiety into your favor:

Anxiety is a form of nervous energy that isn't directed towards a goal

Good luck!

 

[AndreHimself]

Hey Michael,

You only have so much time in this life, so just do YOU. You have to do what makes you happy. You shouldn't care what others think or tell you about how you should live your life unless it's someone you want to emulate.

In the famous words of Kimberly "Sweet Brown" Wilkins, "Ain't nobody got time for that."

You should be worrying more about how to create value to the world, not other peoples criticisms of you.

Hope this helps!

Andre

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Hey, cool!

I wrote a blog post about this not more than a week ago, dealing with fear and anxiety.

http://aberrantly.com/2015/05/29/your-brain-is-dumb-this-is-why/

TLDR -- Your fear center, the Amygdala, isn't hard wired to deal with the rapid technology advancements over the past 100 years. In the stone age, the amygdala was a valuable tool. Nowadays, its more of a hindrance than anything else. Which is stupid, because stakes are so F*cking low nowadays.

1. There are 7 Billion people in the world. If you make a bad impression on 10 of them, it won't matter. You won't see those people ever again.
2. I'm developing a course and book on the art of extroversion, and without getting too much into the minutae of self esteem, absolutely EVERYONE puts stock in what the populous at large thinks. In a world where Kim Kardashian is popular, and last time I checked American Idol was getting more votes than our National Elections, I pose this question to you: why do you F*cking care what these morons think? WHY? This makes me so F*cking mad.... sorry, lol.
3. Something I tell my students to do is make a conscious decision to not give a shit about what other people are doing. Look at your Facebook feed, look at your Twitter Feed, and Instagram feed. Look at the trending stories. Here are some of the top ones from today:
   Dennis Rodman: Former NBA Player Says He Would Go on a Date With Caitlyn Jenner
   Ted 2: 2nd Red Band Trailer Released for Upcoming Comedy Film Sequel
   Somerset, Pennsylvania: Man Set Up Fake DUI Checkpoint While Intoxicated, Police Say
   Look at those dumb stories. Just look at how dumb people are. This is what people care about -- this is what is trending, and what the masses are talking about. And you care about what they think? I'm just going to let that hang awkwardly in the air. No, you know what, I'm going to repeat it: YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT THEY THINK?
4. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. If you achieve too much success, these people will get worried. Why? Because of #2 above -- people care about what people around them care about. So... if you are doing good in a business you have started yourself, are seeing your bank account steadily increase and are loving what you do, people will see that as a threat, and sabotage it. Even your friends will do this. Don't let them.

Rep+ A favorite post of mine.

Sounds to me like you're seeking validation from others when the only validation you need is from yourself. The anxiety you're getting from putting yourself out there can be a result of you worrying that your big ambitions will make the more average people in your life feel uncomfortable, and as a result, that makes you uncomfortable. You say others opinions of your dreams won't stop you from pursuing them, so why even let them affect you at all?

Might want to work on developing a few energies: Grounding Energy, Purpose-Driven Energy, and Free-Energy. Grounding energy basically meaning that you stay true to who you are [ values, beliefs, goals, etc ], Purpose-Driven energy being you stay true to who you want to be [ fulfilling those values, beliefs, goals, etc ], and Free energy meaning that you are completely uninhibited by anybody else's opinion of what the first 2 energy's represent to you.

Personally, I never talk to anybody about what I do or what my goals are unless we're on the same wave length [ very rare ]. Most people are too small minded to comprehend these sorts of things so they won't understand anyway. They'll most likely give you a hard time about it. Best to just do you and let your actions and their results speak for themselves.

Great first post. Hope to hear more from you.