The Entrepreneur Forum | Startups | Entrepreneurship | Starting a Business | Motivation | Success
  • Join 50,000+ entrepreneurs who are earning their freedom and living their dream.

    "Fastlane" is an entrepreneur discussion forum based on The Unscripted Entrepreneurial Framework (TUNEF) outlined in the two best-selling books by MJ DeMarco (The Millionaire Fastlane and UNSCRIPTED™). From multimillionaires to digital nomads, the forum features real entrepreneurs creating real businesses.

    Download (Unscripted) Download (Millionaire Fastlane) Register
    Registering for the forum removes this block.

NOTABLE! Having trouble making small talk; I don't care about other people

NewManRising

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
Oct 30, 2017
332
468
230
39
White City, OR
What you are doing is judging these people. It is arrogance. You can be successful, wealthy, and in business and still be a good person. Some people get big egos and arrogance. I slightly struggle with this as well. I already have a distrust and dislike toward most people for other reasons. But, I also struggle with judging people (sometimes actively, sometimes passively) because I notice that they talk about stupid shit. Now that I am aware of the fastlane, wealth, debts, I judge other people because I see them as clueless. I catch myself doing this too and now I am aware. What you have to understand is that even though they are still scripted it doesn't make them bad or stupid people. Try to be a little more compassionate. I know some people who are heavily scripted but they are still cool people. Another thing to consider is that when you are in business you have to be skilled in understanding people. Understanding their wants, needs, emotions, etc. And you have to be sincere. Business is not about fooling people because they are dumb and you want to sucker them out of their money. I get a feeling this is kind of your mindset. If this is, you need to change this.

There are other things in life besides business and wealth too. Don't get so closed-minded. This is a great way to miss out on lots of things. I am working on being a better communicator, being better at being more compassionate, and being sympathetic/empathetic towards other peoples' circumstances. Having this arrogant mindset is a good way of finding yourself alone and lonely in this world. Don't get too prideful.
 

Private Witt

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
Feb 20, 2018
162
267
168
Seattle
...I just can't connect to them.

I think reading tons of personal development/success/business/entrepreneurship books and videos might have actually backfired on me.

The only thing I really care talking about is success, business, entrepreneurship, etc. Anything else- I simply have no interest in nor care to discuss. When people talk about their pointless subjects- video games, sports, life drama, other people, etc, I simply find myself zoning out and unable to participate in their discussions.

So, as you can imagine- I have immense struggle in making small talk with other people. I find myself ignoring what most people are saying to me simply because I'm not interested in whatever it is they're talking about- UNLESS it's related somehow to success, business, entrepreneurship, etc. I get it- this is a bad situation to be in. It's affecting my relationships and my ability to build rapport with other people.

I feel like I'm stuck. How can I get out of this?
I can totally relate to this. All I want to talk about is business. Im pretty friendly but the deeper I get the more passionate and focused about entrepreneurship I have become. Im lucky others in my industry are the same way and have a lot of people to talk with. Others I just stick to weather, sports and travel.
 

SM Switi

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Jul 11, 2017
93
160
149
It's amazing to find people going thorough the same mental change that you go through and facing the same issues, really amazing!
Thank you very much for bringing this up, also great responses and suggestions.
 

ApparentHorizon

Gold Contributor
Speedway Pass
Apr 1, 2016
782
2,280
553
Greenville, SC
Nobody likes small talk. Some people can just tolerate it better than others.

Introverts especially. We like novelty, so knowing what the other person is going to say is the worst waste of energy. The energy which is very limited before we have to go back into isolation for the day.

You also don't like small talk because the other person is some average wantrepreneur or 9-5er, who's not actually that interesting.

And It's not arrogance as stated earlier. Most of you don't spend your time gossiping on Facebook, and small talk with randos is the same thing.

With all that being said...

If it's such a bother to you, you're not spending enough time around the right people.

Business owners and people of importance love diving into the meat of the conversation.

Is your small talk, "How is the weather?" "You have any siblings?" "What do they do?" and 6 more questions before getting into something interesting.

or

Is your small talk, "What do you do?" "How did you manage to break into that space with X in the way?" - gets them to talk about themselves, and provide you with industry insights.

Boom! down to business in 2 questions.
 
  • Like
Reactions: cy-

Arun Siva

aspiring 大君 of the bourgeoisie
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Aug 31, 2016
1,189
1,954
563
NORD-TRONDELAG
smythebates.com
small talk will be your best friend you just have to have enough social intelligence in order to differentiate when and where and WHOM to do small talk with. You can pretty much do it all you want in the southern united states, parts of north east and in canada. But do not even bother in Germany, Scandinavia and such. There is no room for this. Countries like japan however are tough one. As a whole, Japanese businessmen prefer not to spend hours conversing and getting to know you they are all about mutual respect but it gets confusing because they are so customary. However in arabic countries, you will often not talk abotu the deal until you have wined dined and really gotten to know each other. Nothing has really changed in this realm over the years. (its quite interesting actually). Americans prefer small talk much more then most nationalities (again except for the wealthy arab nations)
 

Solais

Bronze Contributor
Sep 14, 2018
73
127
137
I used to have the same train of thought as the OP, and avoided small talk like the plague.

Small talk is surprisingly useful. I make it a challenge to dig as much information as I can out of them for my own entrepreneurial purposes without sounding like a secret government agent in a terrorist holding cell.

For example, I went to a local meetup about 2.5 months ago (because I moved to a new city about 7 months ago, and hardly knew anyone) and joined a conversation where 2 women talked about how they LOVED [insert obscure drink] but couldn't find it except in a few restaurants.

(Sadly, this was AFTER I already started my existing business, otherwise, it would've been a great idea...<_<)

They get to talk about themselves/what they're interested in, and I get valuable information. A very good trade if you ask me.

Don't discount "petty" conversation.
 

GMSI7D

Gold Contributor
Speedway Pass
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Jan 27, 2016
993
1,840
547
42
Lyon, France
...I just can't connect to them.



I feel like I'm stuck. How can I get out of this?

you can't and you shouldn't

you are not on earth to be another boring person with absurd small talks . there are already millions of people for this level. enough of that

" hey, did you hear about the news on TV last night ? oh my god "


there is enough people for honoring stupidity

but not enough for inteligence and what matters


even if you wanted to adapt to stupidity , you wouldn't be able to be good at it

you can't really connect with people at their level because they don't think like you

you think like a leader while people think like followers

a leader's job is not to be part of the followers but to lead them


 

nemenia

New Contributor
Aug 6, 2018
6
7
11
You can at least PRETEND to be interested. Try really hard to concentrate at what they are saying instead of just zoning out.
 

ChrisV

Gold Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 10, 2015
1,228
2,091
567
33
Islands of Calleja
Guys, I hate to burst your bubble but this thread is from 2014. OP probably hasn’t used this forum in 4 years.

But there’s a few ways to deal with this for anyone else reading later.

Have other interests than Entrepreneurship, stop reading constantly or find new friends that share your interests
 

OlivierMo

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
Feb 12, 2018
97
151
139
Idaho
seventis.io
Look at it this way: if you're not interested in what other people have to say, how can you learn from your customers, unveil problems, find business ideas, etc....
 

wizaster

Contributor
Sep 13, 2017
14
21
22
31
quebec
Look at it this way: if you're not interested in what other people have to say, how can you learn from your customers, unveil problems, find business ideas, etc....
Exactely! As much as I despise talking about temperature, acknowledging another persons' feeling or opinions about something we have no control over creates a bond. Small talk is a basic form of validation. It opens up a door for you know more about them, their dreams, wants and needs.

Starting a conversation, no matter how futile is the subject, with a "me me me" mindset automatically blocks you out; you put yourself in a bubble then try to interact.
 

cy-

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Speedway Pass
Feb 17, 2017
77
183
148
Europe
...

or

Is your small talk, "What do you do?" "How did you manage to break into that space with X in the way?" - gets them to talk about themselves, and provide you with industry insights.

Boom! down to business in 2 questions.
I completely agree with this.

Generally I don't like small talk either, I'm fairly introverted.

Though I believe socializing has benefits and makes me remain a mentally stable person, so my strategy to keep things interesting is always to act like I would 'sell' them - meaning that I ask why, how, what etc. in regards to what they do.

What kind of work are you in?

Which company are you working for?

Which issues are you having when you negotiate prices of X or how do you deal with the competitor going into a price war etc.

Even people with lower corporate positions can usually tell something interesting, and one thing I noticed is that the more you ask about people's lives or work, the more they light up and it becomes a real conversation.

So I always try to go into a 'small talk' conversation and learn something from it. Doesn't matter if I'm not in the industry at all, maybe you learn something and maybe it will come in handy but at least you had a more interesting conversation than "bad weather today huh".
 

handog

Believing Is Seeing
FASTLANE INSIDER
Sep 3, 2018
35
40
118
43
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
I have the same problem when trying to connect with others. The book "The Power of Vulnerability" by Brene Brown has really helped me understand how to become more whole hearted and makes it easier to befriend people.
 

Vanita Anchan

New Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
May 18, 2019
4
13
18
Mumbai
livinguplife.wordpress.com
...I just can't connect to them.

I think reading tons of personal development/success/business/entrepreneurship books and videos might have actually backfired on me.

The only thing I really care talking about is success, business, entrepreneurship, etc. Anything else- I simply have no interest in nor care to discuss. When people talk about their pointless subjects- video games, sports, life drama, other people, etc, I simply find myself zoning out and unable to participate in their discussions.

So, as you can imagine- I have immense struggle in making small talk with other people. I find myself ignoring what most people are saying to me simply because I'm not interested in whatever it is they're talking about- UNLESS it's related somehow to success, business, entrepreneurship, etc. I get it- this is a bad situation to be in. It's affecting my relationships and my ability to build rapport with other people.

I feel like I'm stuck. How can I get out of this?
Hello!
I am smiling and when I’m writing this to you!
My journey to mindfulness began with the same feelings and level of intensity that you write with.
This is so much to do with our growing up and extroverted nature. If you are like me, I’m sure you grew up in a decently organised and disciplined household.
I can imagine the amount of frustration you face when you are trying to get things done when you’re in a large group. I was there sometime ago.

My best bet on this situation is getting closer to mindful living. Being an observer is the key. Mind controlling exercises play a very important role at any point of our lives.

Adopt an easy meditation practise. Read about mindfulness techniques. I’ve been a Vipassana Meditator for some years now. Being in equanimity under any circumstances, is the sole teaching of this practice.
Read Micheal Singer’s Surrender Experiment, in you can! Even his book Untethered Soul can do a lot good for life!

There’s a lot more you can achieve through just learning about mindfulness. And getting over this frustrating times and connecting with people will be then be just a cakewalk.
Be Happy Always!
 

FORUM SPONSOR

Post New Topic

Please SEARCH before posting.
Please select the BEST category.

Post thread…

Search the Forum

FASTLANE INSIDERS

View the forum AD FREE.
Private, unindexed content
Detailed process/execution threads
Monthly conference calls with doers
Ideas needing execution, more!

Join Fastlane Insiders.

Top Bottom