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Girlfriend pregnant on execution

ChrisV

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You take responsibility, like a man, and be someone that kid can look up to and be proud to call dad.

@ChrisV @ProblemOd "Not being in it's life" is a selfish, loser, chicken shit move that will prognotsicate business failure anyway. Deadbeat dads don't get very far.

It truly is this simple: 1. Take responsibility. Or 2. Be a pussy snowflake.
Oh i'm not implying that he should actually do it whatsoever. I said he should tell her that. To make sure she really wants to keep it, since I think she's gaming him and had this all planned. It's essentially a bluff. Now whether you believe in abortion or not is another story...

But if she does decide to keep it you have to do absolutely everything in your power to be there 1000% for that kid. Like once you have a child, that kid is your absolute #1 priority above literally anything in this world.

But no he should definitely not be a deadbeat dad, nor would I even dream of that being any type of option. Not having a father around tends to ruin kids' lives.
 

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MoreVolume

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I feel for you
I know many guys whose growth was stunted by an unplanned child
Time to step your hustle up 1000x fold
 

MTEE1985

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My biggest fear was always getting someone pregnant before reaching my goals
No it wasn’t. If that was your biggest fear you could’ve 100% guaranteed it didn’t happen.

As for the rest, it’s mostly limiting beliefs you have. Find biographies of people who succeeded on a massive scale with little kids, trust me there are plenty, as well as people on this forum who did/are doing the same thing.

Like @Scot my wife and I spent 2 years trying to have our first and 15 months trying to have our second. After all that and raising them for the last few years I can tell that there is no amount of money or business success that I would trade for being a father.

Your relationship sounds sticky but there is no reason your child should suffer because of that. Good luck!
 

broswoodwork

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My biggest fear was always getting someone pregnant before reaching my goals, and now it just happened.

A few months ago i was planning on leaving my town to launch my dream website and now I'm stuck with news from my girlfriend (she's pregnant)

My plan was to escape detraction enough for me to have plenty of time and inspiration to start my website... everything is in place and i was ready to leave.
I Know alot of guys who got stuck in their lives (including my dad) because they had to raise a family and i fear the same will happen to me. I will be honest and tell you that since im already 32, i was ready to have my first kid but having such a clingy relationship with a woman right now is a problem for me for the following reasons:

  • I haven't reached my Goals
  • I have very little time to myself now because she always shows up and does not care about my private space
  • She wants what she wants and don't care what i think
  • My age says its time to start a family but my dream says not right now
  • she's ready and I'm not
  • She had a plan of having a baby before i even met her

I know lots of people would ask me if i love her but the answer is - I don't know... and the reason is that my heart is not condition to love anyone yet.
I want the baby but i feel suffocated by the mother...

Most wealth building books will tell us about building a business, numbers and scaling but topics like these rarely pop up... I'm stuck here guys.

I dont know what to do!!!
Time to get serious, dude. Use this (this meaning taking responsibility for a new life) as motivation to actually make it happen. A ton of us have used this very situation to stop F*cking daydreaming and start selling shit.

You have an opportunity to the greatest thing a human can be, a person that creates and cultivates new GOOD people, or you can be what a lot of people consider the greatest modern evil, a screwed up person releasing a another generation of screwed up, abandoned, and neglected people onto the rest of us; and making the right choice should only increase your personal odds of success.

...is this a business forum..?
 

TheCj

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I'd say you need to think about how you envision your life to be, if at least for the next 3-6-9 months. Then you can talk to her about how each of you see things going. Doesn't have to be a life long plan can be just to set expectations and responsibilities as you go along.

I wonder if she is clingy now because she sense's that you aren't all in. If you are talking about leaving town she might be checking to see if your still there.

"I haven't reached my Goals" - You didn't get there before the kid so is a non issue.

" I have very little time to myself now because she always shows up and does not care about my private space" - Something you need to talk to her about once you know what you want.

"She wants what she wants and don't care what i think" - Again you need to be able to communicate with her she is going to be a part of your life, it's better to have a good start.

"My age says its time to start a family but my dream says not right now" - Pretty much bull.

"she's ready and I'm not" - doesn't matter

"She had a plan of having a baby before i even met her" - doesn't matter again, this is on you if you knew this and now have regrets.
 

Scot

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Part of man’s drive in money and ambition inevitably is about having access to quality girls. Some care about it more and some cared about it less.

What are you.. a 12 year old dude bro? People actually think like this?

I'm voting this the #1 worst piece of advice ever posted on this forum. This makes Andrew look like an actual role model.
 

Kak

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What are you.. a 12 year old dude bro? People actually think like this?

I'm voting this the #1 worst piece of advice ever posted on this forum. This makes Andrew look like an actual role model.
It isn't a fluke. Everything he says is batshit. He lives on my ignore list.
 

Scot

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It isn't a fluke. Everything he says is batshit. He lives on my ignore list.
I typically ignore most stuff on the outside, so I haven't seen his name pop up much. But yeah, he's going on that list as well. I'm pretty sure I threw up in my mouth a couple of times reading that.
 

Real Deal Denver

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You take responsibility, like a man, and be someone that kid can look up to and be proud to call dad.

@ChrisV @ProblemOd "Not being in it's life" is a selfish, loser, chicken shit move that will prognotsicate business failure anyway. Deadbeat dads don't get very far.

It truly is this simple: 1. Take responsibility. Or 2. Be a pussy snowflake that lives a scorched earth life of looserdom.
THIS ---^

Thanks @Kak for saying it so well. You are so right - it truly is this simple.


25805
 

Matt Sun

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“Choose someone whose way of life as well as words, and whose very face as mirroring the character that lies behind it, have won your approval. Be always pointing him out to yourself either as your guardian or as your model. This is a need, in my view, for someone as a standard against which our characters can measure themselves. Without a ruler to do it against you won’t make the crooked straight.” — Seneca, Letters From a Stoic
 

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ChrisV

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Part of man’s drive in money and ambition inevitably is about having access to quality girls. Some care about it more and some cared about it less.
What are you.. a 12 year old dude bro? People actually think like this?

I'm voting this the #1 worst piece of advice ever posted on this forum. This makes Andrew look like an actual role model.
Well from an evolutionary standpoint, that part of the post is actually right. I mean the rest of the post was complete Word Salad, but that part was correct. Much of the male drive for status and wealth comes from our desire to attract quality mates, which signals to females that you have the resources to properly provide for your children if you should have some. Then if you have children, that drive doesn't go away because now the goal becomes properly providing for your family. So for the people saying having children will kill your ambition... no.

The rest of the post took too much horsepower to understand, so I hit the brakes.
 

ZF Lee

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I'd recommend signing up for a new dad's class at the local hospital. The one I went to was excellent. It gave me a few tips that I've used as a dad.
Don’t forget church support groups, marriage and childcare courses and talks- mostly free of charge.

I’m actually going to a Focus on the Family talk at my church this week, although I’m not having a family yet.:rofl:

Edit:
that new dad class I took? One of the things I took from it was this: 'if you have a daughter, hug her, and let her cry on her shoulder when she's little. If you do that, when she's a teen, she won't go cry on some guy's shoulder who will only use it to take advantage of her.' That was pretty good advice, and is something I've used with both my daughters.
THIS.

And this applies to the boys as well.
Just switch ‘father’ to mother, and ‘some guy’s shoulder’ to girls’ shoulder.

I know because I was that guy.
For me, it happened right after high school, when my parents just got extra bitchy.
Fortunately, the girl I fell to for some emotional support was decent, and I’m still with her today.

However, not every one will meet good people out of the gate.

And to counter the PUA wave that has been engulfing the forum in the last few weeks for some reasons, here’s exactly the root of the matter.
 
OP
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lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

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NO ONE is ready to be a father. You grow into it. Part of the reason that pregnancy lasts 9 months is so that you can prepare mentally for what's to come. I'd recommend signing up for a new dad's class at the local hospital. The one I went to was excellent. It gave me a few tips that I've used as a dad.

Some people don't make great dads, though. How do you know if that's you? Good dads: learn from their mistakes, accept feedback from others (including their kids), provide strong leadership when they know they're right, are flexible, seek advice, improve themselves, train their kids, are humble, listen to and become a student of their kids. Bad dads: essentially do the opposite. Nothing on the 'good dad' list is particularly difficult, you just have to work at it day by day.

Edit:
that new dad class I took? One of the things I took from it was this: 'if you have a daughter, hug her, and let her cry on her shoulder when she's little. If you do that, when she's a teen, she won't go cry on some guy's shoulder who will only use it to take advantage of her.' That was pretty good advice, and is something I've used with both my daughters.
thank you jon... your comment makes sense and has given me confidence.

i feel like i have stronger motives to rich now that i will have someone to look up to me and depend on me... :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
 
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lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

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I wouldn't say to impress your kid. Rather, to give him the option to not have to work, to give yourself freedom to spend as much time with him as you want, to be able to provide him more opportunities than you had.
thats another motive to inspire me to be great. i actually thought this was a negative situation when trying to be millionaire but as i see these comments... it turns out to be a positive and motivational thing to pushing myself to be the best.

thank you...:thumbsup:
 

Bertram

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You take responsibility, like a man, and be someone that kid can look up to and be proud to call dad.

@ChrisV @ProblemOd "Not being in it's life" is a selfish, loser, chicken shit move that will prognotsicate business failure anyway. Deadbeat dads don't get very far.

It truly is this simple: 1. Take responsibility. Or 2. Be a pussy snowflake that lives a scorched earth life of looserdom.
ChrisV is right.
I researched divorced and separated father's relationships with their children and also the dads' lifelong wellbeing and success. You are very unlikely to thrive if you are not in your child's life. You will not have as many friends, you will earn less, and you will have more depression. You will be more isolated or distant. Men do better as active fathers because the ones who don't have an active role secretly judge themselves as cowards who flee responsibility.

Men do not thrive as fathers while in bad marriages. Leaving a bad relationship is a catalyst for career success.
You come across as sincere and courageous but also a bit too emotionally immature and self-centered to be a good father. Guess what, that's the starting point for most of the best fathers in the world. Go along with the journey. It sounds like you need it. Get uncomfortable.
Having a child will teach your heart to love.

Here is the other side of the coin. Baby mama might be confused and fearful, or she's giving you a little peek at the endless hell that is waiting for you.
It is cruel to her, and it will be bad for the kid, if you don't make a decision about the relationship right away. She will handle her pregnancy much better without the worry about an unclear future and this question of you being in her life. If her future is all about you two, and you keep her worried and under your power, she will have a negative pregnancy experience, and then worst of all she will become a low self-esteem mother. confident
Your child deserves two powerful, lucky, confident parents.

Make a decision.

If it's no to marriage, then don't allow her to suffer another month. Move on fast but stay friendly. A great way to close the door tight is for you to tell her you want someone else, sorry. You simply let her know that you are a low character and a big baby. She will view you as a bad choice and let go of the fantasy of being your wife. She'll build inner strength before the baby is born and become a great single mother. But don't take a 'wait and see' attitude. It's very destructive.
You both sound like a pain for each other. And you sound right now like you'd be terrible parents together. I already feel sorry for the child.

But leaving her will not be the end of dealing with foolish, troublesome women. The next women who show up in your life mostly will try to compete with the love you have with your child. There is good reason to try to stay in the relationship and try as hard as you can to make a good life together. The reason is that, unlike other women who come along, the child's mother would fan the flames of your love for your child.

Big decision. You are likely to thrive, have better work, more money, and better friends if you do the best thing for the child.
 
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S.Y.

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Well from an evolutionary standpoint, that part of the post is actually right. I mean the rest of the post was complete Word Salad, but that part was correct. Much of the male drive for status and wealth comes from our desire to attract quality mates, which signals to females that you have the resources to properly provide for your children if you should have some. Then if you have children, that drive doesn't go away because now the goal becomes properly providing for your family. So for the people saying having children will kill your ambition... no.

The rest of the post took too much horsepower to understand, so I hit the brakes.
True.

But taking in account the context, I side with @Scott

OP needs to man up. And stop finding reasons to fail. I would even go as far as to say that he is giving himself reasons to fail, in life and in business.

He got a woman pregnant. He should change his mindset to be there for the kid WHILE working on his ventures.

He should see himself being as a successful father entrepreneur and then prove himself right.

Most time here people see the wealth aspect of the Fastlane. And forget health and relationship.

This is one those case. Win at life.
 

Vanderbilt

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take F*cking responsibility for what u did!!

If you make a mistake in business, what you are doing? leaving Africa? ridiculous
 

Mattie

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I’m actually going to a Focus on the Family talk at my church this week, although I’m not having a family yet.:rofl:
You're so pro-active and smart! Best thing I ever did was exactly that.
 

drpeppehr

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You thought you had to move to a different country to make a website? That shows me you haven't done research. You can build your company anywhere if it's online. This shows me that you were not ready to go hard.

Now, you have to go hard. It will be the best thing to ever happen to you. You will feel so much relief, so blessed when you hold your son/daughter in your arms and you will think "I have to do my best to take care of my kin."

NBA players have kids and they still go hard throughout the season. Entrepreneur's have family's too. Delete these bullshit excuses out of your brains storage that it somehow affects you and your time. Learn to enjoy her company. Don't stress about the future, the only thing you have is right now.

Good luck brother. This forum is your gold mine of information, but only you can change your lifestyle through it.
 
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lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

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take F*cking responsibility for what u did!!

If you make a mistake in business, what you are doing? leaving Africa? ridiculous
I'll take the baby with me Van... :smile2::smile2:
 

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OP
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lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

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You thought you had to move to a different country to make a website? That shows me you haven't done research. You can build your company anywhere if it's online. This shows me that you were not ready to go hard.

Now, you have to go hard. It will be the best thing to ever happen to you. You will feel so much relief, so blessed when you hold your son/daughter in your arms and you will think "I have to do my best to take care of my kin."

NBA players have kids and they still go hard throughout the season. Entrepreneur's have family's too. Delete these bullshit excuses out of your brains storage that it somehow affects you and your time. Learn to enjoy her company. Don't stress about the future, the only thing you have is right now.

Good luck brother. This forum is your gold mine of information, but only you can change your lifestyle through it.
thank you for the comment Dr P. some thought my thread was ridiculous for a business forum but im just glad i posted it here instead of fake sites like FaceBook. Here i get real responses from intelligent people who take life seriously.

My dad always told me this crap about having a day job to be a real man but i did the exact opposite and now i own rental property... the community here where i live also says, when you have kids "quit dreaming" coz you will never be millionaire again. There are whole of struggling people here who blame it on having kids and wives...

Im not going to be one of them... i just needed to confirm that my community was wrong and you guys on the forum just proved it!:smile2::smile2:
 

Tourmaline

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I'll take the baby with me Van... :smile2::smile2:
Can't tell if you're joking or not. A child needs its mother, especially before the age of 2. Ever heard of the fourth trimester for example? Plus, if you're raising the kid mostly by yourself you will have such little time compared to if the mother is doing most of the sleeping/caring while you give her slack.

Learn to handle your baby's mama well and give her what she needs to be happy(that doesn't mean give her everything she asks for lmao).
 

Mr992

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Plans very rarely work as you planned them. You just adjust your approach along the way.

Having a kid is one of the greatest joys of life. If your approach is to turn it into an excuse for not reaching your goals, that is your mindset.
 

Champion

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Dont have any experience of raising a kid, but sometimes I feel similar to how you just described the situation with your girlfriend (that she is suffocating you).

If you havent read "Men are from mars, women are from venus", I would suggest you take a look at it.

The basic idea in the book is that the man needs his "cave" and alone time, where he gets to work on his projects, at the same time however, your woman needs time dedicated to where you listen and give her your full attention.

Its time to get disciplined! If I was you, I would cut down on sleep and use the extra time to work on your biz and also to give your girlfriend the attention that she needs, so you can be alone in return.

Just some ideas to get you out of the desperation:

- can your parents help with raising the child?
- can her parents help with raising the child?

Im sure you can find a way, just think of the positives in the situation and use it to make that fire under your a$$ burn even stronger and get shit done!

Best
 

MarkHenry

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Be careful and think more before you take any decision.

One thing I want to say, don't take any decision against the kid. He was not at fault. He is innocent in this case.

Take care of yourself.

Thanks anyway!
 
OP
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lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

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Dont have any experience of raising a kid, but sometimes I feel similar to how you just described the situation with your girlfriend (that she is suffocating you).

If you havent read "Men are from mars, women are from venus", I would suggest you take a look at it.

The basic idea in the book is that the man needs his "cave" and alone time, where he gets to work on his projects, at the same time however, your woman needs time dedicated to where you listen and give her your full attention.

Its time to get disciplined! If I was you, I would cut down on sleep and use the extra time to work on your biz and also to give your girlfriend the attention that she needs, so you can be alone in return.

Just some ideas to get you out of the desperation:

- can your parents help with raising the child?
- can her parents help with raising the child?

Im sure you can find a way, just think of the positives in the situation and use it to make that fire under your a$$ burn even stronger and get shit done!

Best
finaly someone who fully understands my situation... usually im used to spending time alone and now all of a sudden i have no time to myself. you advice is perfect and i will read the book you recommended. thanks bro!!
 

Salama2017

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My biggest fear was always getting someone pregnant before reaching my goals, and now it just happened.

A few months ago i was planning on leaving my town to launch my dream website and now I'm stuck with news from my girlfriend (she's pregnant)

My plan was to escape detraction enough for me to have plenty of time and inspiration to start my website... everything is in place and i was ready to leave.
I Know alot of guys who got stuck in their lives (including my dad) because they had to raise a family and i fear the same will happen to me. I will be honest and tell you that since im already 32, i was ready to have my first kid but having such a clingy relationship with a woman right now is a problem for me for the following reasons:

  • I haven't reached my Goals
  • I have very little time to myself now because she always shows up and does not care about my private space
  • She wants what she wants and don't care what i think
  • My age says its time to start a family but my dream says not right now
  • she's ready and I'm not
  • She had a plan of having a baby before i even met her

I know lots of people would ask me if i love her but the answer is - I don't know... and the reason is that my heart is not condition to love anyone yet.
I want the baby but i feel suffocated by the mother...

Most wealth building books will tell us about building a business, numbers and scaling but topics like these rarely pop up... I'm stuck here guys.

I dont know what to do!!!
Think about your WHY and move on. Your WHY has just gotten stronger. Now you must succeed and provide for your family.
 

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