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Girlfriend pregnant on execution

Champion

Bronze Contributor
Apr 12, 2019
152
116
67
Hamburg, Germany
finaly someone who fully understands my situation... usually im used to spending time alone and now all of a sudden i have no time to myself. you advice is perfect and i will read the book you recommended. thanks bro!!
No worries bro, read the book first and then give it for your partner to read!

I also suggest taking a look at "Crucial Conversations" by Joseph Grenny, Al Switzler, Ron McMillan.

Best
Champion
 

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Tourmaline

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
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Jun 4, 2019
211
158
85
Texas
No worries bro, read the book first and then give it for your partner to read!

I also suggest taking a look at "Crucial Conversations" by Joseph Grenny, Al Switzler, Ron McMillan.

Best
Champion
Crucial Conversations is excellent. Pretty amazing how so many things are affected by talking about what needs to be talked about...or not!
 

MattR82

Silver Contributor
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If you dont love the mother and a relationship is out of the question then make it known. But be there for the child.

My dad was a young father, and one of the worst things he did was to stay with my mother till I was 6 and my sister's were 3 and 4. It was better when they separated.

After that though, he didn't run, but he didn't want much to do with us. We were an annoyance and it was known lol. Don't go that way or you may have a sad and lonely last few decades filled with regret.
 

Val Okafor

New Contributor
Nov 14, 2015
3
5
14
45
San Diego, CA
My biggest fear was always getting someone pregnant before reaching my goals, and now it just happened.

A few months ago i was planning on leaving my town to launch my dream website and now I'm stuck with news from my girlfriend (she's pregnant)

My plan was to escape detraction enough for me to have plenty of time and inspiration to start my website... everything is in place and i was ready to leave.
I Know alot of guys who got stuck in their lives (including my dad) because they had to raise a family and i fear the same will happen to me. I will be honest and tell you that since im already 32, i was ready to have my first kid but having such a clingy relationship with a woman right now is a problem for me for the following reasons:

  • I haven't reached my Goals
  • I have very little time to myself now because she always shows up and does not care about my private space
  • She wants what she wants and don't care what i think
  • My age says its time to start a family but my dream says not right now
  • she's ready and I'm not
  • She had a plan of having a baby before i even met her

I know lots of people would ask me if i love her but the answer is - I don't know... and the reason is that my heart is not condition to love anyone yet.
I want the baby but i feel suffocated by the mother...

Most wealth building books will tell us about building a business, numbers and scaling but topics like these rarely pop up... I'm stuck here guys.

I dont know what to do!!!
Bro, believe it or not, All things work together for Good!. Barack Obama once said that he does not deal with the world as he wishes it to be, he deals with the world as it is. And the reality is that your world is not as you wish it to be ( which is to take a productivity break) but your world is that you have a baby on the way. The good thing is that I did not hear abortion as an option.

Embrace it, Bro, it's your world as is. Have a modest wedding asap and start a family. Will that delay your dream - yes. Would that make your dream more challenging - yes, would that kill your dream - absolutely No. Here is what I would do if I were you (actually I was in a similar situation a while ago). I would find ways increase your current take-home pay in line of work.

I mean if there is room for growth in what you do currently, seek to become more valuable and earn more. Because you can use the extra money to pay for someone to build that website for you. Here is a summary of how I did it: when I met my wife she was more than ready to have kids, the matter of fact age is not on our side, less than a year later she was pregnant. The issue is I am 32, always wanted to be an entrepreneur and was making $12 an hour doing tech support. Three kids later, I am still making $17 an hour, trying eBay, Craigslist stuff on the side with little success, then, I pivoted.

I thought myself how to code, in the midst of little kids, went to school and got bachelors and masters degree with little kids. Now I am earning solid six figures (not a lot of money in California) with a highly sought after skill. And what about the entrepreneurial dream? Sure it is delayed but not denied. I have a dead set time to transition. I am already earning income from my digital products and kids are super excited watching my transition. The downside is that I have little to no personal or social life these past 12 years and I suspect that it could be same for you.

Overall all thing had worked together for good for me and I hope it will for you, but you must first deal with the world as it is and not as you are wishing it to be. And for that website, not knowing what type of website you want to launch I will suggest you start with a Shopify Store today or as soon as possible. It is easy to launch, it can start earning money soon, it keeps your entrepreneurial dream alive and allows you to have more time to do them diaper changes - it's coming.

Good luck.
 

stephen kageche

New Contributor
Mar 26, 2019
4
2
13
My biggest fear was always getting someone pregnant before reaching my goals, and now it just happened.

A few months ago i was planning on leaving my town to launch my dream website and now I'm stuck with news from my girlfriend (she's pregnant)

My plan was to escape detraction enough for me to have plenty of time and inspiration to start my website... everything is in place and i was ready to leave.
I Know alot of guys who got stuck in their lives (including my dad) because they had to raise a family and i fear the same will happen to me. I will be honest and tell you that since im already 32, i was ready to have my first kid but having such a clingy relationship with a woman right now is a problem for me for the following reasons:

  • I haven't reached my Goals
  • I have very little time to myself now because she always shows up and does not care about my private space
  • She wants what she wants and don't care what i think
  • My age says its time to start a family but my dream says not right now
  • she's ready and I'm not
  • She had a plan of having a baby before i even met her

I know lots of people would ask me if i love her but the answer is - I don't know... and the reason is that my heart is not condition to love anyone yet.
I want the baby but i feel suffocated by the mother...

Most wealth building books will tell us about building a business, numbers and scaling but topics like these rarely pop up... I'm stuck here guys.

I dont know what to do!!!
You just have to accept the circumstances and the situation you are into,sit your girlfriend down tell her what you want out of your life and figure it out how to make it work because you have to take a responsibility .Regards
 

FierceRacoon

Bronze Contributor
Jun 1, 2019
95
133
118
My take is, make a decision:
- if you want to raise a child with her, embrace it.

- if you don't, tell her. Tell her that you don't want a child, that she will be a single mother and whatever else you can come up with. She may just choose to do an abortion or to find another dude. If that works out and you can walk away without paying child support, then do it and never see her again.

In my view, don't even for a second worry about the moral dilemma. The harm of raising an unwanted child in the atmosphere of manipulation is great. If you don't trust her, I'd say, better to pay child support if unavoidable, cut the losses and find a way to make even more money... just my take anyway.
 
OP
OP
lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Mar 29, 2019
75
100
117
Bro, believe it or not, All things work together for Good!. Barack Obama once said that he does not deal with the world as he wishes it to be, he deals with the world as it is. And the reality is that your world is not as you wish it to be ( which is to take a productivity break) but your world is that you have a baby on the way. The good thing is that I did not hear abortion as an option.

Embrace it, Bro, it's your world as is. Have a modest wedding asap and start a family. Will that delay your dream - yes. Would that make your dream more challenging - yes, would that kill your dream - absolutely No. Here is what I would do if I were you (actually I was in a similar situation a while ago). I would find ways increase your current take-home pay in line of work.

I mean if there is room for growth in what you do currently, seek to become more valuable and earn more. Because you can use the extra money to pay for someone to build that website for you. Here is a summary of how I did it: when I met my wife she was more than ready to have kids, the matter of fact age is not on our side, less than a year later she was pregnant. The issue is I am 32, always wanted to be an entrepreneur and was making $12 an hour doing tech support. Three kids later, I am still making $17 an hour, trying eBay, Craigslist stuff on the side with little success, then, I pivoted.

I thought myself how to code, in the midst of little kids, went to school and got bachelors and masters degree with little kids. Now I am earning solid six figures (not a lot of money in California) with a highly sought after skill. And what about the entrepreneurial dream? Sure it is delayed but not denied. I have a dead set time to transition. I am already earning income from my digital products and kids are super excited watching my transition. The downside is that I have little to no personal or social life these past 12 years and I suspect that it could be same for you.

Overall all thing had worked together for good for me and I hope it will for you, but you must first deal with the world as it is and not as you are wishing it to be. And for that website, not knowing what type of website you want to launch I will suggest you start with a Shopify Store today or as soon as possible. It is easy to launch, it can start earning money soon, it keeps your entrepreneurial dream alive and allows you to have more time to do them diaper changes - it's coming.

Good luck.
thanks Oval. your comment really inspires me. actually i have rental property at the moment. startiing a website will take time as i figuared. so i have decide to continue building my rental business... and i have made the right decision. thanks to the forum, now my income is increasing and i project that my income will be more than double by the time this baby is born.

thanks bro... :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
 
OP
OP
lunga ngcobo

lunga ngcobo

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Mar 29, 2019
75
100
117
My take is, make a decision:
- if you want to raise a child with her, embrace it.

- if you don't, tell her. Tell her that you don't want a child, that she will be a single mother and whatever else you can come up with. She may just choose to do an abortion or to find another dude. If that works out and you can walk away without paying child support, then do it and never see her again.

In my view, don't even for a second worry about the moral dilemma. The harm of raising an unwanted child in the atmosphere of manipulation is great. If you don't trust her, I'd say, better to pay child support if unavoidable, cut the losses and find a way to make even more money... just my take anyway.
hmmm... Strong words there Fierce. I have to admit that i do want a baby but im not sure if im ready for a relationship with the mom.

the fact is i have known this woman for such a short period thats its hard for me to just let her into my life. let me just give her a bit of time to show me who she is. the baby, i definitely want that in my life but the mom... hmmm... not so sure...:frown::frown:
 

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