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Fix yourself first - Why you shouldn't create a business right now

Sander

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If you struggle with mental problems, you’re definitely not alone. According to WHO International, more than 300 million people in all ages world wide suffers from depression alone. A new study reports that entrepreneurs have a 30% chance to get a depression (vs normal 15%), 29% chance to have ADHD (vs 5%), 12% chance to get an addiction (vs normal 5%) and 11% chance to get a bipolar diagnosis (vs normal 1%).

Personally I’ve been struggling with social anxiety and depression for almost a year now (in a treatment now, and doing a lot better). It has been tough with a lot of hard days, anxiety breakdowns and feelings of hopelessness. I’ve failed starting in schools and jobs because of strong social anxiety. And my businesses have suffered from the depression. People simply won’t do business with you, if you every now and then couldn’t care less about them or your own good for that matter.

And not being able to hold yourself accountable for your own business and more important your customers, who deserves to be treated with respect, is hard. You feel guilt and shame, well deserved if you treat your customers bad, no doubt, and you beat yourself up mentally for not being able to keep it together and stay positive in your head.

You want to create a business. You want to be successful. You want to create value and help other people making their lives better. But then tomorrow comes with a pinch of that lovely depressive mindset, and you start pulling yourself down in your own head, telling yourself that it’s a terrible idea, why would people buy that from you, you can’t make that happen, everyone will hate you if you contact them with your product, why can’t you create a better product, you will never get success with this, you’re a disgrace, why are you such an idiot who can’t do anything right?. Yes, in this state you can be very hateful to yourself. And the words can be even worse depending on your mental state and the day.

While I was at my lowest, I still expected high results from myself. And that can be a dangerous combination, because you’re digging your own hole even deeper, when/if you fail at these high expectations. And that is the topic I wanted to talk about with this post. How dangerous it can be to expect a lot from yourself, if your mental health is under serious attack.

Everytime I tried to start a new project, could be a business or a personal development project (sleep pattern, running, work out, eating healthy, reading etc), and I failed doing it, I would hate myself even more, and waste time digging my already deep hole even deeper. And when you treat yourself like this, it is very hard to be loving and aware of other people close to you (your spouse, children, family and friends). You deserve to be happy, and they deserve a happier you.

I can only give this message from a personal point of view and from my own experience. If you have a serious mental health issue, you should seek professional help.

But my message with this post is…

Stop expecting world class outer results from yourself, when your inner suffers.

If you suffer from depression, anxiety etc., fixing yourself first is a must. In fact, accepting that I couldn’t conquer the world suffering from a depression was one of the things that helped me getting better.

***YOU DON’T HAVE TIME FOR CONQUERING THE WORLD, YOUR MIND IS UNDER ATTACK***

If you can relate to this behaviour and hard treatment of yourself, I hope you will accept and face the issues instead of focusing on everything around you. It ain’t a flu that will disappear overnight. Accept it and start working on it. If you don’t, you will end up digging a grave for yourself instead of just a hole. And we can’t have that. We like you.

Mental health problems is a serious issue.

Fix yourself first.

It’s important.
 

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Ayanle Farah

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Self improvement is lifelong and it's important to take care of yourself but there won't ever be a time you're ready for entrepreneurship so why not jump in?

This to me just sounds like an excuse to never take action, if you're looking for reasons not to do it, you'll never run out.

And that's fine, this is your life so you can do whatever you want, maybe entrepreneurship is not for you, obviously not everyone has what it takes.:)
 
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Sander

Sander

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Self improvement is lifelong and it's important to take care of yourself but there won't ever be a time you're ready for entrepreneurship so why not jump in?

This to me just sounds like an excuse to never take action, if you're looking for reasons not to do it, you'll never run out.

And that's fine, this is your life so you can do whatever you want, maybe entrepreneurship is not for you, obviously not everyone has what it takes.:)
Mental health issues sounds like a bad excuse?

I think you miss the point of the post. If you're a wantrepreneur, who wants to play more COD than making a business, yeah, you're right. But I think there is a big difference from that to a serious mental health issue, which I address here.
 

Ayanle Farah

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Mental health issues sounds like a bad excuse?

I think you miss the point of the post. If you're a wantrepreneur, who wants to play more COD than making a business, yeah, you're right. But I think there is a big difference from that to a serious mental health issue, which I address here.
Look, we've all been depressed at one point, it's nothing new, it's only a big deal if you make it that way.

All of the stuff you mentioned except bipolarism are all normal circumstantial things everyone goes through in their own way to varying degrees.

That's no reason to not start a business, you can manage those things.
 

PureA

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Having had some experience with mental health...

I'd love to feel sorry for myself all day but that isn't going to get results.

Victim thinking never achieved anything.

If you wait until you sort yourself out to start, you will never start (not in this lifetime, or the next 10).

Start yesterday.

The struggle is the solution.

In effect it's like saying, "Give me a fire, then il go fetch the wood".

No.

Go get the wood, and then you get your fire...

With that being said, entrepreneurship might not be for you. Your quality of life may be a whole lot better just turning up and carrying out orders... It's not a sin if indeed this is the case... Being employee #73 at Facebook > CEO of No Output inc.

p.s. Read the 'The War of Art' - short book, can read in one sitting, invaluable to the entrepreneur or anyone in mental warfare.
 

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In my late teens and early 20s I used to be severely depressed. Depression runs in my family. People on both sides have been medicated, one institutionalized for a while, and a couple in jail. I tried a lot of the self help stuff, but honestly the thing that helped me the most was to find productive things to do, especially things that help others, to take my mind off of it. After a while, it becomes like muscle memory. The more you force yourself to not think about your problems and focus on something productive, the more your mind is geared to not think about your problems.
 

jon.M

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The notion that you can fix yourself is in my opinion somewhat naive. It's like believing in "happy ever after". It's limited to fairy tales. We're human beings in a defective world and shit will always come to bite us in our a$$. Both externally and internally.

But I believe you need a way to handle it. Strong mindset and beliefs. You need to live a life of determination.
 

ManlyMansNegator

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Entrepreneurship breeds discipline and takes your mind off the often deeply nihilistic thoughts held by depressed people.If your grinding to build a product whilst meeting clients and engaging in society i am 100% sure you will feel better.
 

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If I would have waited until I didn't have mental problems I'd still be working an $8 an hour J. O. B. My family has accepted it, my friends have accepted it and I have accepted it and we all moved on. :)
 

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startinup

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Honestly, it is important to work on yourself.

AND you can do that while you're building a business. When you fail, you learn so much, it's awesome!

As I get deeper into the entreprenship game, it actually becomes less about money for me. And more about becoming the person that I want to be.

It sounds cheesy, but it's actually true. And I'm not anywhere close to rich. I'm still in the very beginning stages of my own business.

It may be different for other people, and that's great. For me though, it's all about personal growth. And entrepreneurship is one of the fastest ways you can grow. Because either you'll grow or you'll fail.
 

Ashkon

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I'm in a similar situation (dealing with stabilizing my mind and life) and here's what I'v found value in:
Giving myself a definite base to reach before beginning X step.

"Get some momentum with your diet and workout regimen first, THEN you can start working on the XX business idea simultaneously."

Sure, give yourself some time to figure out what's necessary to start to improve your issues.

But if you try to just "fix yourself first", you might as well say F*ck it to achieving much of anything.

ps. if you want a recommendation to my online holistic doc lemme know, he's helped me a lot with getting my health on track.
 

Bekit

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I can't help but notice that your subtitle is "...but I get up again." I think that says a lot about you. You have a lot of fight in you. It sounds like you're not going to just lay down and take orders from whatever your depression dictates to you. *You* call the shots, not the depression (no matter how loud it shouts). And I admire and respect that.

But it also sounds like you're up against a HUGE enemy, as if the snarling wolf in your profile picture is sometimes up against Godzilla. And you're going to fight anyway, because you're just like that, and hey, you come out alive!

But there are times when the fiercer battles leave you with big wounds, and it's those times when you *DO* need to take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Let yourself have some breathing room, some recovery time.

If I could wave a magic wand, I'd give you noise-canceling headphones so you can't hear the depression talking anymore. Because when it's the depression talking, it's a lie. Every single time. I don't even know you, but just reading your list, it's clear that every one of these things is a lie.

it’s a terrible idea, why would people buy that from you, you can’t make that happen, everyone will hate you if you contact them with your product, why can’t you create a better product, you will never get success with this, you’re a disgrace, why are you such an idiot who can’t do anything right
Can you see the opposite of each one of these statements? Can you fix your mind on the truth side of the equation? Can you enhance your ignoring skills when you hear depression talking? I'm not a therapist, but just for a thought experiment, let's see how these hold up... (hope this encourages you and gives you something to hold onto rather than beating you down!)

1. "It’s a terrible idea" - Who says until you've tried it?
2. "Why would people buy that from you?" - Why wouldn't they? Would they buy it from someone who was not you? Then they would buy it from you.
3. "You can’t make that happen" - Looks like you've made several things happen already. Why not this? You CAN make it happen.
4. "Everyone will hate you if you contact them with your product" - No they won't. Some will be interested. Most of them will be politely disengaged if they're not interested, but what's the worst that can happen even if a few of them DO cuss you out? Dust yourself off, hang up the phone, and never deal with them again. After all, you are the one who "gets up again."
5. "Why can’t you create a better product?" - Odds are, you can. And running into an obstacle is precisely the invitation you need to find the creative solution that will make your product better.
6. "You will never get success with this" - Someone on this forum has a profile pic of a miner walking away when he's just a hair's breadth from breaking through, with a quote that says something like "Most people give up too early." That's already not you. You're the one who "gets up again."
7. "You’re a disgrace" - how and why could you entertain this thought for a moment? You've started businesses. You've read the Millionaire Fastlane. You're not content with mediocrity. You keep getting up again. You have big dreams for yourself, and you've opted out of the "sidewalk" and the "scripted" way of thinking. How is any of that a disgrace?
8. "Why are you such an idiot who can’t do anything right?" - See #7. This is the tipoff question, the one where the depression overplays its hand. Up until now, these could have plausibly been your own thinking, but now, no way. As soon as you hear this kind of comment in your head, you know it's the depression talking. You don't have to listen to it. It's lying.
 

Xeon

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I can't help but notice that your subtitle is "...but I get up again." I think that says a lot about you. You have a lot of fight in you. It sounds like you're not going to just lay down and take orders from whatever your depression dictates to you. *You* call the shots, not the depression (no matter how loud it shouts). And I admire and respect that.

But it also sounds like you're up against a HUGE enemy, as if the snarling wolf in your profile picture is sometimes up against Godzilla. And you're going to fight anyway, because you're just like that, and hey, you come out alive!

But there are times when the fiercer battles leave you with big wounds, and it's those times when you *DO* need to take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Let yourself have some breathing room, some recovery time.

If I could wave a magic wand, I'd give you noise-canceling headphones so you can't hear the depression talking anymore. Because when it's the depression talking, it's a lie. Every single time. I don't even know you, but just reading your list, it's clear that every one of these things is a lie.



Can you see the opposite of each one of these statements? Can you fix your mind on the truth side of the equation? Can you enhance your ignoring skills when you hear depression talking? I'm not a therapist, but just for a thought experiment, let's see how these hold up... (hope this encourages you and gives you something to hold onto rather than beating you down!)

1. "It’s a terrible idea" - Who says until you've tried it?
2. "Why would people buy that from you?" - Why wouldn't they? Would they buy it from someone who was not you? Then they would buy it from you.
3. "You can’t make that happen" - Looks like you've made several things happen already. Why not this? You CAN make it happen.
4. "Everyone will hate you if you contact them with your product" - No they won't. Some will be interested. Most of them will be politely disengaged if they're not interested, but what's the worst that can happen even if a few of them DO cuss you out? Dust yourself off, hang up the phone, and never deal with them again. After all, you are the one who "gets up again."
5. "Why can’t you create a better product?" - Odds are, you can. And running into an obstacle is precisely the invitation you need to find the creative solution that will make your product better.
6. "You will never get success with this" - Someone on this forum has a profile pic of a miner walking away when he's just a hair's breadth from breaking through, with a quote that says something like "Most people give up too early." That's already not you. You're the one who "gets up again."
7. "You’re a disgrace" - how and why could you entertain this thought for a moment? You've started businesses. You've read the Millionaire Fastlane. You're not content with mediocrity. You keep getting up again. You have big dreams for yourself, and you've opted out of the "sidewalk" and the "scripted" way of thinking. How is any of that a disgrace?
8. "Why are you such an idiot who can’t do anything right?" - See #7. This is the tipoff question, the one where the depression overplays its hand. Up until now, these could have plausibly been your own thinking, but now, no way. As soon as you hear this kind of comment in your head, you know it's the depression talking. You don't have to listen to it. It's lying.
Do you have any recommendations or tips for someone with a bad case of victim mentality? How do I fix it? Every time when something happens to me or doesn't go the way I want (in relationships), I start feeling sorry for myself and helpless.
 

Bekit

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Do you have any recommendations or tips for someone with a bad case of victim mentality? How do I fix it? Every time when something happens to me or doesn't go the way I want (in relationships), I start feeling sorry for myself and helpless.
@Xeon I guess I would just say... look at what people do who don't have a bad case of victim mentality and adopt that. What do they do? They think differently about it. This can sound like walking through a line of questions-and-answers (preferably with someone who will tell you the truth and call you on your BS, but even by yourself, it can work).

So something doesn't go the way you want...

There's two main buckets this could fall into.

1. You caused it or contributed to it, directly or indirectly.
Self sabotage, or your own bad decisions, apathy, or foolishness means that something failed when it could have/should have succeeded. If that's the case, you're not the victim, you're the culprit, so clean up your act. Even if only 10% of it was "your fault" or "your business," you can adjust that 10% so it doesn't affect things next time. Hopefully, you can get yourself to the point where NONE of your projects/relationships/endeavors fail because of you.

2. It happened to you through no fault of your own.
OK, now you can "legitimately" claim the seat of the victim. Your phone was on silent, so you missed that important call, or it snowed, so you missed that important meeting, or your cart went down right in the middle of a big advertising campaign, so you missed out on a ton of sales from people, or your girlfriend was a narcissist and a manipulator and dumped you unceremoniously for someone else or, or, or, the list is infinitely long of all the bad stuff that COULD happen to someone. So then you embark on the line of questioning.
  • Did something bad just happen to me? Yes. Let's just acknowledge that. It hurts.
  • Do I have to approach this with a victim mentality? No. (This is a fundamental shift that you have to be willing to make.)
  • What would a winning mindset look like in this situation? How would someone like Steve Jobs, or Napoleon, or Genghis Khan, or a Caesar look at this situation? They would say, "I don't care how bad this looks, I don't care how dire the circumstances may seem, I'm going to keep driving forward and not let these circumstances dictate where I'm going." (I heard a podcast yesterday with a great quote along these lines; it's the very first thing that was said in the first few seconds if you want to check it out.)
  • Does this circumstance imply anything derogatory about ME? No. There is no shame and no guilt in hitting an obstacle or being dealt a bad hand of cards. You are who you are. Rise up, summon the troops, summon reinforcements if necessary, and keep on charging forward.
  • Does this mean I can't do the thing I wanted to do? Not always. It may mean a delay. It may mean that you have to be REALLY creative about how you find a new way to accomplish the outcome you're after. Example: My husband needs a ton of dental work right now. There's no way we can afford it. I want his teeth to be fixed. Do I say, "I can't?" No, I say, "Here's this thing that I want, and I'm going after it, and no one is going tell me no. What do I need to do to get there? I need to increase my income. OK, increase my income it is. So how do I do that, preferably as fast as possible?" Which is precisely why I'm hanging around the fine folks in this forum, to learn a new way of thinking about money, how to run a business, where the fastlane is, and how to get there. Will I be at my destination tomorrow or next month? Nope. But does that mean I'm a victim of this circumstance? Not on your life. I have a brain, I have choices, and I'm allowed to be the best that I can possibly be in the pursuit of this good outcome. Same with you. If your thing is relationships, ok, you need to win at your relationships. The story sounds the same. "Here's this thing that I want (a good thing, by the way), and I'm going after it, and no one is going to tell me no. What do I need to do to get there?" Same thing that everyone on this forum agrees you have to do to get a client: Focus more on serving others than on meeting your own needs. I guarantee you, when a girl knows that your highest pleasure is to *do her good,* she'll be head over heels. How common it is for relationships to be built around anything other than the individuals' self-centered pursuit of their own pleasure? Right. It'll make you stand out.
When I was a child, my mother required me to eliminate the phrase "I Can't" from my vocabulary. I didn't understand it at the time. Didn't realize how it worked, or why it worked. It seemed like a sort of silly requirement, because there are a LOT of things that a child legitimately can't do.

But I see the wisdom in it now. It's a type of shorthand for not ever succumbing to a victim mentality. I wish you all the best.
 

Santi Merino

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Stop expecting world class outer results from yourself, when your inner suffers.
Hi I liked your post, but...
haven't you think about what could happen if you do the opposite? I mean, you can start right now to expect world class (and achieving it little by little) and that could help you to fix yourself when watching results or watching that you can do everything you want and struggle for.
Greetings.
 

TreyAllDay

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I'd boil this down to 3 points:

1) You are who you choose to be.
I do agree that you need a mindset shift before you can be a successful entrepreneur, but I think the only one you need before you get started is "you are who you choose to be" and that vision can be ANYTHING possible, with this belief - you can fix the rest. Every business I've failed was because I didn't actually believe what I wanted was possible so I said "I don't know how to incorporate a business or manage the books. So I can't make it work". Once I realized I was choosing to not know, everything shifted.

2) "FIXING YOURSELF" is a moving goalpost
If you are constantly aiming to "fix yourself" before you take action, you never will. Even now, I feel depressed at times that I am not reaching my full potential. But what I perceive as my "full potential" now has changed drastically over the last few years.

3) Entrpeneurship is a journey, not a destination.
I'm sure we all struggle to remember that entrepreneurship is about the journey, not the destination. We get depressed because we think of some "end-all" point and are afraid we won't reach it. The struggle, the learning opportunities, turning NOTHING into something, is all part of personal growth. I think back at the fear I had quitting my job, waking up sleepless nights worried about what will happen, uncertainty of different parts of the business, and think "WOW- I actually went through all that and came out alive" , I can handle anything now.
 
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Kak

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I think this is a toxic excuse.

Yes, be the best self you can be. We get it. Do it now though, you might not have a tomorrow. Everyone has their own problems, yours aren't special.

The world doesn't happen to you... You happen to the world.
 
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DENNISNIKO

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If you are constantly aiming to "fix yourself" before you take action, you never will. Even now, I feel depressed at times that I am not reaching my full potential. But what I perceive as my "full potential" now has changed drastically over the last few years.
I think this is a game-changing mindset for all of those people out there struggling with themselves to find the "right moment" to start a Business. Someone (including me at the moment) might think our personality has to be perfectly developed before starting a business. Sometimes I think, I have to be struck by a revolutionary idea to start a business, because I often feel like someone who gets Information and inpiration last (while in my surrounding most People are not like me). Otherwise, is such an epiphany actually needed? Perhaps I have already good ideas, but the crucial point is simply myself: To do or not to do.
I think we all can fix ourselves and rack our brains first, but at the end, the Doers will win. Based on my little expernces, resilience, persistence, a strong mindset etc. will be built by the process, the journey and not only thinking about it.

Btw best wishes to you all
 

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