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This thread isn't for everyone.
Many people are born knowing exactly what they want. Others grew up in an environment (like religion) that ingrained strong motivations into them. This thread isn't for you
If you don't think you can achieve everything you set your mind to. This thread is also not for you.
If you think you can achieve whatever you set your mind to, but you just don't know what you want to do or whether it's worth doing...This thread is for you.
There have been several periods in my life when I didn't have strong drives or clear goals. I see a lot of bright young individuals on here having a hard time figuring out what they want and being slowly eaten away by the nihilism bug. You can see the symptoms written all over their face. They know what they need to do to accomplish things(ACTION), but they do just about everything but that. They waste their time soaking up as much self- help as they can. They seek validation and hope to be pushed by others into action. But instead of accomplishing things they terrorize themselves with analysis paralysis. Advice like "Just figure out what you want" falls on deaf ears because if they knew what they wanted, they would just do it! Obviously.
Here's the bad news: I am 35 and still don't know exactly what I want.
Here's the good news: I was still able to get motivated enough to become successful by my (and most people's) standards. The best part is you can too!
I was obviously younger when I thought about this, so be sure to add a good 20 years to your age when you're doing this. It doesn't work when it's in the past or immediate future. Don't be afraid to get creative and play with this idea in any way that helps you. What would his daily actions look like? How would he answer your questions? What would he say about your current dilemma? What advice would he give you?
Remember.....The point of this exercise is to find what you respect in this older person. Not your parents. Not your neighbor. Not society. They don't have to live with you for the rest of your life. You may find your answer has nothing to do with wealth. That may mean that getting a decent paying job and spending most of your time with friends/family is actually what you value most. THATS OK. Don't let others bully you into being ashamed of that. You can live a happy fulfilled life without being wealthy or an entrepreneur. Stop this business nonsense and go focus on things that matter to you. (Although I'm guessing if you found yourself on these forums.....there is a good chance that businesses/wealth/freedom is important to you...)
When I find myself in a situation where I am torn about doing something, I try to get down to exactly what is stopping me from doing it. Usually, it is one of these.
For that reason, nihilism is not the answer. It is wrong for you. Remember, you don't need to try and objectively disprove an unfalsifiable theory (impossible!). You only need to prove it is subjectively wrong for you.
Whenever you catch yourself justifying something with "does it even matter", you need to either find a better reason or do what you know needs to be done.
@fastlane_dad and I pull this exact example out from time to time. When one of us tries to sandbag an idea with some flavor of nihilism, the other will just say "well that reasoning is just going to get us into the closet" and that usually ties up that train of thought immediately.
For example: All else equal, I still want more wealth! But businesses usually take a good amount of time and commitment. Since I have young kids and "enough" resources, I have decided to sacrifice my work commitment for even more family time at almost every crossroads. This is consistent with my view of a respectable 45-year-old. Compared to my current position, I think more family time rounds him out more than even more wealth.
On the other hand, if my family was struggling to put food on the table, working as hard as I can to prevent that would take priority over "being present in the room while they play". I'm not saying making this analysis makes me excited about not "putting in more work" or not being "more wealthy". I'm saying that this leads me to more fulfillment and having the "why" answered helps me act in my own best long-term interest.
Last words on this....You won't always live up to your ideal. For most things that is ok. (I'll let you in on a little secret...I've skipped a lot of workouts out of laziness....). But you now shouldn't have an excuse of not knowing what you should do. When you don't live up to your ideal, counter to what society tells you, you should feel bad about it. Then harness those feelings into doing better next time, so you no longer feel bad about it. (crazy right?). Do this repeatedly for the next 30 years and instead of feeling ashamed of your lot in life, you will wake up feeling fulfilled and in a place that most people in society will envy.
Many people are born knowing exactly what they want. Others grew up in an environment (like religion) that ingrained strong motivations into them. This thread isn't for you
If you don't think you can achieve everything you set your mind to. This thread is also not for you.
If you think you can achieve whatever you set your mind to, but you just don't know what you want to do or whether it's worth doing...This thread is for you.
There have been several periods in my life when I didn't have strong drives or clear goals. I see a lot of bright young individuals on here having a hard time figuring out what they want and being slowly eaten away by the nihilism bug. You can see the symptoms written all over their face. They know what they need to do to accomplish things(ACTION), but they do just about everything but that. They waste their time soaking up as much self- help as they can. They seek validation and hope to be pushed by others into action. But instead of accomplishing things they terrorize themselves with analysis paralysis. Advice like "Just figure out what you want" falls on deaf ears because if they knew what they wanted, they would just do it! Obviously.
Here's the bad news: I am 35 and still don't know exactly what I want.
Here's the good news: I was still able to get motivated enough to become successful by my (and most people's) standards. The best part is you can too!
#1. Stop expecting to know exactly what you want
You aren't going to solve for "the meaning of life" while soaping yourself up in the shower. The greatest philosophical minds in all of history haven't been able to make a conclusive argument. Remember that you can't derive an ought from an is (is-ought problem). Stop trying to logic or reason your way out of this. Most of your growth now has to happen by taking cues from your emotional faculties.#2. Settle for being directionally correct
The great news is that you don't actually have to know what you want to achieve it. Being directionally correct is enough to accomplish great things. Act on anything you can be sure is at least in the right direction. You may not know if your idea to mow laws for money is going to be the right one, but it sure is in the right direction toward getting what you want than just sitting on your butt and playing video games all day.#3. Use heuristics to help shortcut endless analysis
When I was most lost, I came up with the following heuristic that helped guide me: "When I think of a successful 45-year-old man that I have the utmost respect for, what traits does he have and what has he accomplished". For me, the answer was a man that had a good relationship with his family, enough money to be financially free from outside pressures, empathetic, strong, and willing to do what he believes is right. This answer eventually became my north star. Every single "Should I make this sacrifice" question instantly became easier to answer. If taking the pattern of thought to it's extreme will not lead me to become that 45-year-old man, it is now considered wrong for me.I was obviously younger when I thought about this, so be sure to add a good 20 years to your age when you're doing this. It doesn't work when it's in the past or immediate future. Don't be afraid to get creative and play with this idea in any way that helps you. What would his daily actions look like? How would he answer your questions? What would he say about your current dilemma? What advice would he give you?
Remember.....The point of this exercise is to find what you respect in this older person. Not your parents. Not your neighbor. Not society. They don't have to live with you for the rest of your life. You may find your answer has nothing to do with wealth. That may mean that getting a decent paying job and spending most of your time with friends/family is actually what you value most. THATS OK. Don't let others bully you into being ashamed of that. You can live a happy fulfilled life without being wealthy or an entrepreneur. Stop this business nonsense and go focus on things that matter to you. (Although I'm guessing if you found yourself on these forums.....there is a good chance that businesses/wealth/freedom is important to you...)
Examples
When I find myself in a situation where I am torn about doing something, I try to get down to exactly what is stopping me from doing it. Usually, it is one of these.
Nihilism
Many bright-eyed teens fall into nihilism when they realize that happiness and fulfillment are internally derived. It is easy to use this "logic" to justify not making sacrifices and choosing the "easy" path. "What's even the point?". I'll tell you. Using this theory can justify you laying in a closet your entire life as long as you are hooked up to nutrition and the proper dose of feel-good drugs. How does this picture vibe with your image of a 45-year-old that you respect? That's what I thought.For that reason, nihilism is not the answer. It is wrong for you. Remember, you don't need to try and objectively disprove an unfalsifiable theory (impossible!). You only need to prove it is subjectively wrong for you.
Whenever you catch yourself justifying something with "does it even matter", you need to either find a better reason or do what you know needs to be done.
@fastlane_dad and I pull this exact example out from time to time. When one of us tries to sandbag an idea with some flavor of nihilism, the other will just say "well that reasoning is just going to get us into the closet" and that usually ties up that train of thought immediately.
Laziness
My ideal 45-year-old man doesn't say no to things just because he is lazy. Unless you literally don't have enough nutrition or you have some kind of physical injury, energy is actually endless. Your question is whether the outcome is worth the mental fortitude it would take for you to push past the sloth. If the only reason for not doing something is laziness, then that means you have no reason not to do it.Irrational fear
If fear is the only reason for not doing something with great potential benefits, then ask yourself what the actual realistic worst outcome is. Is it really that bad in the grand scheme of things? If not, then your fear is likely irrational. My ideal 45-year-old man has built up a thick skin and doesn't waiver to irrational fears. There's only one way of getting there.....Conflicting values
This is the hardest one of them all. Sometimes fulfilling core values involve sacrificing other core values (at least temporarily). I find that the 45-year-old heuristic still helps immensely. Life is a balancing act.For example: All else equal, I still want more wealth! But businesses usually take a good amount of time and commitment. Since I have young kids and "enough" resources, I have decided to sacrifice my work commitment for even more family time at almost every crossroads. This is consistent with my view of a respectable 45-year-old. Compared to my current position, I think more family time rounds him out more than even more wealth.
On the other hand, if my family was struggling to put food on the table, working as hard as I can to prevent that would take priority over "being present in the room while they play". I'm not saying making this analysis makes me excited about not "putting in more work" or not being "more wealthy". I'm saying that this leads me to more fulfillment and having the "why" answered helps me act in my own best long-term interest.
Last words on this....You won't always live up to your ideal. For most things that is ok. (I'll let you in on a little secret...I've skipped a lot of workouts out of laziness....). But you now shouldn't have an excuse of not knowing what you should do. When you don't live up to your ideal, counter to what society tells you, you should feel bad about it. Then harness those feelings into doing better next time, so you no longer feel bad about it. (crazy right?). Do this repeatedly for the next 30 years and instead of feeling ashamed of your lot in life, you will wake up feeling fulfilled and in a place that most people in society will envy.
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