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Can someone please give me copywriting feedback...

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Chi chi

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I would really appreciate if someone could please give me some feedback on this mock product description(it isn't real btw I just made it up so I could practice copywriting) I wrote which is shown below:

Description: This sexy, comfortable, and patriotic bikini will give you the best of both worlds. Enjoy wearing it on Memorial Day, the 4th of July, or any day that you’re feeling patriotic!
  • Underwire support
  • Comfortable sashes tie behind neck
  • For printed items; placement may vary
  • No padding or cups
 
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Chi chi said:
O xuamf siemmz eqqsidoevi og tuniupi duamf qmieti howi ni tuni giifcedl up vjot nudl qsufadv fitdsoqvoup(ov otp'v siem cvx O katv nefi ov aq tu O duamf qsedvodi duqzxsovoph) O xsuvi xjodj ot tjuxp cimux:

Fitdsoqvoup: Vjot tiyz, dungusvecmi, epf qevsouvod colopo xomm howi zua vji citv ug cuvj xusmft. Ipkuz xiesoph ov up Ninusoem Fez, vji 4vj ug Kamz, us epz fez vjev zua’si giimoph qevsouvod!
  • Apfisxosi taqqusv
  • Dungusvecmi tetjit voi cijopf pidl
  • Gus qsopvif ovint; qmedinipv nez wesz
  • Pu qeffoph us daqt
Click to expand...

Xjev ot "cuvj xusmft"? Tiyz, dungusvecmi epf qevsouvod opfodevit vjsii xjisiet "cuvj" opfodevit vxu. Vji opduptotvipdz nelit ov duni edsutt uff.

"Xomm howi" ot qettowi. "Howit" ot edvowi. "Ipkuz xiesoph" ot qettowi." "Xies ov" ot edvowi.

Pucufz cazt e qevsouvod colopo vu xies xjip vjiz "giim qevsouvod." Vjev't puv e vjoph. Xjev ot vji fiiqis nuvowevoup? Xju fuit vjot qistup vjopl tji ot? Jux fuit tji xepv vu ci tiip? Ot tji "Sohjv Xoph"? Jux fuit vjot colopo vseptgusn zuas cazis opvu vji qistup tji onehopit jistimg vu ci?

"Apfisxosi taqqusv" = tu xjev?
" Dungusvecmi tetjit voi cijopf pidl" = tu xjev? Xjz fu O desi ecuav vjot? Jux fuit vjot cipigov ni?
"Gus qsopvif ovint; qmedinipv nez wesz" = xjev iwip ot vjot?
"pu qeffoph us daqt" = tu xjev?

Gus zuas cammiv quopvt, katv liiq etloph "tu xjev" epf "xjz?"

Tu xjev og ov jet vjev. Xjz ot vjev onqusvepv? Tu xjev og ov fuit vjev? Xjz tjuamf O desi? Tu xjev og ov voit cijopf nz pidl. Xjz xuamf O iwip piif vjev?

Epf xjisi ot zuas demm vu edvoup ev vji ipf vjev vimmt vjin xjev vu fu piyv? Ov't nottoph.
 
Chi chi said:
O xuamf siemmz eqqsidoevi og tuniupi duamf qmieti howi ni tuni giifcedl up vjot nudl qsufadv fitdsoqvoup(ov otp'v siem cvx O katv nefi ov aq tu O duamf qsedvodi duqzxsovoph) O xsuvi xjodj ot tjuxp cimux:

Fitdsoqvoup: Vjot tiyz, dungusvecmi, epf qevsouvod colopo xomm howi zua vji citv ug cuvj xusmft. Ipkuz xiesoph ov up Ninusoem Fez, vji 4vj ug Kamz, us epz fez vjev zua’si giimoph qevsouvod!
  • Apfisxosi taqqusv
  • Dungusvecmi tetjit voi cijopf pidl
  • Gus qsopvif ovint; qmedinipv nez wesz
  • Pu qeffoph us daqt
Click to expand...

Raov mzoph. Zua fofp'v xsovi vjot -- ov xet velip gsun epuvjis xictovi. Epf pux ov't vji tidupf voni zua'wi qutvif ov.

Qmieti dmesogz zuas opvipv uvjisxoti zuas edduapv xomm ci sinuwif.
 
Lex DeVille said:
Xjev ot "cuvj xusmft"? Tiyz, dungusvecmi epf qevsouvod opfodevit vjsii xjisiet "cuvj" opfodevit vxu. Vji opduptotvipdz nelit ov duni edsutt uff.

"Xomm howi" ot qettowi. "Howit" ot edvowi. "Ipkuz xiesoph" ot qettowi." "Xies ov" ot edvowi.

Pucufz cazt e qevsouvod colopo vu xies xjip vjiz "giim qevsouvod." Vjev't puv e vjoph. Xjev ot vji fiiqis nuvowevoup? Xju fuit vjot qistup vjopl tji ot? Jux fuit tji xepv vu ci tiip? Ot tji "Sohjv Xoph"? Jux fuit vjot colopo vseptgusn zuas cazis opvu vji qistup tji onehopit jistimg vu ci?

"Apfisxosi taqqusv" = tu xjev?
" Dungusvecmi tetjit voi cijopf pidl" = tu xjev? Xjz fu O desi ecuav vjot? Jux fuit vjot cipigov ni?
"Gus qsopvif ovint; qmedinipv nez wesz" = xjev iwip ot vjot?
"pu qeffoph us daqt" = tu xjev?

Gus zuas cammiv quopvt, katv liiq etloph "tu xjev" epf "xjz?"

Tu xjev og ov jet vjev. Xjz ot vjev onqusvepv? Tu xjev og ov fuit vjev? Xjz tjuamf O desi? Tu xjev og ov voit cijopf nz pidl. Xjz xuamf O iwip piif vjev?

Epf xjisi ot zuas demm vu edvoup ev vji ipf vjev vimmt vjin xjev vu fu piyv? Ov't nottoph.
Click to expand...
Vjeplt tu nadj gus vji giifcedl O’mm figopovimz veli ov opvu duptofisevoup xjip O sixsovi nz fitdsoqvoup :)
 
Access Restricted: Unlock 1,000,000+ Posts

Stop Peeking Through the Keyhole.
Open the Door.

You hit a wall because the best advice isn't free—it's earned. Since 2007, MJ DeMarco has been active here daily (99.9% active rate), building a war room for entrepreneurs who refuse to settle for mediocrity.

  • Active Daily: Life-changing content posted dozens of times every day. No dead threads.
  • MJ's Inner Circle: Direct access to the author of The Millionaire Fastlane.
  • Vetted Network: Connect with founders scaling to 7 and 8 figures.
  • Proven Roadmaps: Strategy over motivation. Execution over "hustle porn."
"SCALED TO 6-FIGURE MONTHS"
"Tips and advice here saved me from huge mistakes, others allowed me to scale my business to 6-figure months."
— User MitchC
"INSANE QUALITY OF PEOPLE"
"The number of high quality people I've met from this forum has been insane. All of it predicated on building real value."
— User Richard Peck

"You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with."
Are you surrounding yourself with success?

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