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O/T: HEALTH Am I depressed, lost or just lazy?

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arl

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As I start writing this, I'm not sure if this is a question or just a rant, but there it goes...

I've always said to myself and others that my goal is to become an entrepeneur. But this year I turned 30 and I still have nothing to show for it.

I have a somewhat successful slowlane career in the Financial Planning and Analysis field. I don't hate it, but I know it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I half a$$ it most of the time, but they are somehow still happy with my performance.

I own two apartments: one I rent, and the other I recently bought it to live in. With the rent from the first one I pay both mortgages and I still have a little bit left over.

I have a couple of good friends and a family that loves me, but I still feel very lonely all the time.

By most societal standards I have a sucessful life, but I am not happy at all. I've been telling to myself that I would be happy once I am an entrepreneur, but if I'm honest with myself I don't think that's the root of my unhappiness.

I have no desire to take my life, but I want often wonder what's is the point of it all. I feel like I don't have a purpose and I'm surviving life rather than living it.

After reading TFM, Unscripted and plenty of other books, I've been thinking a lot about what kind of venture could I start. Where can I provide value. I managed to think of a few a ideas, but nothing worth pursuing. It's like I have no passion for anything. I feel F*cking worthless.

I've now realized that before I start any business I need to work on myself. I have a very toxic attitude towards myself and that's most likely what's making me unhappy. If I am unable to love myself, it's unlikely someone else will.

I already exercise and try to eat healthy, but then what? How does one find their passion? How do you find purpose in life?
 

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Morgan77

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Recall the feedback loop in unscripted. I'm sure you'll find helping people and being of value incredibly rewarding and turn that into a passion. I'm a part time ski instructor and i love it when i see such improvement in someones skiing with my help.
 

Creep

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I don't think anyone here can give you the keys to your own happiness.

As boring as it sounds you're probably dopamine deficient.
Health and nutrition has fascinated me the past 2 years, and everything I learned says when you feel bad, change what you eat.

If you are already healthy and don't eat toxic foods (sugar, processed foods etc) Maybe you need to slow down, allow yourself to be bored for a few weeks. Try meditation, train your brain to think clearer, and make a good plan with goals that your brain can understand and reward you for.

I'm big into gaming, so when I defeat a hard boss in a game my brain says good job.
Similarly your brain should tell you good job for reaching your goal or sub-goals
 

RazorCut

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Well you seem to have a successful life. A job you enjoy, property investments that are paying well. You say you have a couple of good friends and a family that loves you. Is that parents and siblings or a significant other or both?

If there is a void in your life you need to identify it rather than just assume starting a business will be the answer. Is it because you don’t have a partner to share your dreams and aspirations with?

Some introspection is needed first I feel.
 

elusive97

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I was all 3 at one point. Are you finding joy in life? Focusing on creating joy and having positive thoughts really helped me be less lazy, lost, AND depressed. When negative thoughts about my self come into my head, I simply think the opposite, something positive. It really helps!
 
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arl

arl

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I'm big into gaming, so when I defeat a hard boss in a game my brain says good job.
Similarly your brain should tell you good job for reaching your goal or sub-goals
I used to be into gaming as well. But now I just feel like it's a waste of time and I don't enjoy it anymore... But you are probably right, I'm definitely dopamine defficient. I'm having a hard time finding activities to enjoy.


Well you seem to have a successful life. A job you enjoy, property investments that are paying well. You say you have a couple of good friends and a family that loves you. Is that parents and siblings or a significant other or both?

If there is a void in your life you need to identify it rather than just assume starting a business will be the answer. Is it because you don’t have a partner to share your dreams and aspirations with?

Some introspection is needed first I feel.
I don't have a partner, and I think that's a big part of the problem. I feel very lonely. But I also think that's not the answer. Before I'm able to be happy with someone else, I believe I should be able to be happy alone.
 
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arl

arl

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I was all 3 at one point. Are you finding joy in life? Focusing on creating joy and having positive thoughts really helped me be less lazy, lost, AND depressed. When negative thoughts about my self come into my head, I simply think the opposite, something positive. It really helps!
I don't really find joy in life. I find joy sometimes in some activities. It's not like I'm depressed all the time. But I would say my default mood is apathy. I don't care much about anything.
 

Roz

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Hey man, it's good that you let it out. You'll definitely find something or some advice here that's going to be useful for you.

I suggest you to read this thread if you haven't already.

HOT TOPIC - Not Fulfilled? Depressed? Maybe You Need An Alignment

Why do you want to be an Entrepreneur?

Have you took the time to find the WHY?

Not asking you to answer here. Just for your introspection.
 
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RazorCut

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I don't have a partner, and I think that's a big part of the problem. I feel very lonely. But I also think that's not the answer. Before I'm able to be happy with someone else, I believe I should be able to be happy alone.

Well you seem to lack purpose in life and loneliness will do that for you. Bear in mind that sometimes people don’t find happiness alone. Not everyone is comfortable having no one to share their everyday moments with.

They do find happiness with another so I wouldn’t say you HAVE to seek happiness alone first as that just might not be possible.

Maybe you should increase your social circle though. Join some local activity groups in your area that cater around your interests (sports, recreation, music, etc..) That way you will get more social interaction amongst likeminded people.

Forums are great but no substitute for physical interaction.
 

elusive97

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I don't really find joy in life. I find joy sometimes in some activities. It's not like I'm depressed all the time. But I would say my default mood is apathy. I don't care much about anything.
You create joy! You can find it in every aspect of life. That should help you feel less apathetic. It helped me. I like the tiny buddha as they make things easy to understand and take in.

Joyfulness is a lot like air. The air is always there. You just have to breathe it in.




I highly recommend giving those a read, and if you haven't already, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle - it literally changed my life!
 
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arl

arl

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Maybe you should increase your social circle though. Join some local activity groups in your area that cater around your interests (sports, recreation, music, etc..) That way you will get more social interaction amongst likeminded people.
Yeah, I should work on that. I've tried going to meetups and connecting with like minded people. But as a shy introvert guy is pretty hard to make meaninful connections. But I won't give up.

I highly recommend giving those a read, and if you haven't already, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle - it literally changed my life!
Thanks! I'll check those out.
 

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mikemiller

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I don't think anyone here can give you the keys to your own happiness.

As boring as it sounds you're probably dopamine deficient.
Health and nutrition has fascinated me the past 2 years, and everything I learned says when you feel bad, change what you eat.

If you are already healthy and don't eat toxic foods (sugar, processed foods etc) Maybe you need to slow down, allow yourself to be bored for a few weeks. Try meditation, train your brain to think clearer, and make a good plan with goals that your brain can understand and reward you for.

I'm big into gaming, so when I defeat a hard boss in a game my brain says good job.
Similarly your brain should tell you good job for reaching your goal or sub-goals
This was one right thing which you can do. Try hearing to positive music which can also probably help you out.!
 

Yzn

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Try stuff.

Make a dropshipping store.
Make a Amazon FBA business.
Sell something on FB.
Look at Youtube and see what channels are trending and try to make videos like it.
Buy stuff and rent it. (I saw a guy buying a $3000 condenser mic and renting it for 115$ a week).

Since you have extra money, play with it.
When something works out, it will usually become your passion.
 

Kevin88660

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As I start writing this, I'm not sure if this is a question or just a rant, but there it goes...

I've always said to myself and others that my goal is to become an entrepeneur. But this year I turned 30 and I still have nothing to show for it.

I have a somewhat successful slowlane career in the Financial Planning and Analysis field. I don't hate it, but I know it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I half a$$ it most of the time, but they are somehow still happy with my performance.

I own two apartments: one I rent, and the other I recently bought it to live in. With the rent from the first one I pay both mortgages and I still have a little bit left over.

I have a couple of good friends and a family that loves me, but I still feel very lonely all the time.

By most societal standards I have a sucessful life, but I am not happy at all. I've been telling to myself that I would be happy once I am an entrepreneur, but if I'm honest with myself I don't think that's the root of my unhappiness.

I have no desire to take my life, but I want often wonder what's is the point of it all. I feel like I don't have a purpose and I'm surviving life rather than living it.

After reading TFM, Unscripted and plenty of other books, I've been thinking a lot about what kind of venture could I start. Where can I provide value. I managed to think of a few a ideas, but nothing worth pursuing. It's like I have no passion for anything. I feel F*cking worthless.

I've now realized that before I start any business I need to work on myself. I have a very toxic attitude towards myself and that's most likely what's making me unhappy. If I am unable to love myself, it's unlikely someone else will.

I already exercise and try to eat healthy, but then what? How does one find their passion? How do you find purpose in life?
Seems you are bored with a decent and normal life.
 

elusive97

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Try stuff.

Make a dropshipping store.
Make a Amazon FBA business.
Sell something on FB.
Look at Youtube and see what channels are trending and try to make videos like it.
Buy stuff and rent it. (I saw a guy buying a $3000 condenser mic and renting it for 115$ a week).

Since you have extra money, play with it.
When something works out, it will usually become your passion.
This is good advice!
 

Tourmaline

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Happiness does not come externally. How can an internal state of happiness be fundamentally shaped by anything but one's internal states of perspective, beliefs, and emotions?

Purpose is a funny topic.

What is the purpose of a hammer? Must it be prescribed? Or is it innate to the properties found in a hammer? If you examine the properties of a hammer, you will find its inherent purpose.

Likewise, if you examine man, you will find its inherent purpose too. We are 'designed' to be social, adaptable, and constructive. Our purpose then based on our inherent characteristics is to help other humans.

If you start from there, and then look at what you are uniquely inclined towards, what you tend to be good at, what you tend to enjoy doing, you will find a more specific purpose for yourself that flows from helping other humans.
 

eliquid

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GoodluckChuck

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A few times in my life I was down and seemingly for no reason. What helped was counterintuitive. I tried to be miserable.

I said "screw it, I'm just going to be unhappy." I quickly started noticing the little things that made me perk up.

Lots of good advice here. My advice is to not do what you always do because you will continue to get the same results.
 
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arl

arl

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This, read this
I'm slowly going through it. I'm already trying to think of my core values, but it's not that easy. I guess I don't know myself very well...

A few times in my life I was down and seemingly for no reason. What helped was counterintuitive. I tried to be miserable.
I've tried pitying myself in the past I guess I didn't fully let myself be unhappy. I might need to hit rock bottom so I can get better, but it does seem a dangerous practice.
 

Tourmaline

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I might need to hit rock bottom so I can get better, but it does seem a dangerous practice.
Why might you need to?
 
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arl

arl

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Why might you need to?
I have no idea what I need. I meant that whatever I've been doing so far hasn't worked. so, who knows... that might work.
 

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elusive97

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I've tried pitying myself in the past I guess I didn't fully let myself be unhappy. I might need to hit rock bottom so I can get better, but it does seem a dangerous practice.
You don't need to hit rock bottom. You've got this!
 
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Tourmaline

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If you say to yourself out loud, "I need", does nothing come to mind?

I reread your OP and this stuck out to me

I've now realized that before I start any business I need to work on myself. I have a very toxic attitude towards myself and that's most likely what's making me unhappy. If I am unable to love myself, it's unlikely someone else will.
Would you say you are your own harshest critic and biggest fan?

I do think learning to love one's self is a great place to start. Someone that does not love himself is not capable of loving anyone else either.
 

BellaPippin

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Take a few sessions of counseling, you won't regret it. It's really helpful to have someone help with the introspection, because they know what the correct questions to ask are.

Yeah, I should work on that. I've tried going to meetups and connecting with like minded people. But as a shy introvert guy is pretty hard to make meaninful connections.
As I always say, sign up for a semester of something that you like or just a class people go to on a regular basis (not a gym class, for example). It's much easier that way because you see the same people in class over an over, and that is conducive to just start exchanging comments, and slowly making acquaintances, then evolve to a meal with the ones you really get along with, etc.

I agree it sounds more like you lack a purpose. It's much easier to find it if you try things, but it's also the kind of thing that shows up on their own if you just take care of yourself. Which takes me full circle to the beginning, take a few sessions of therapy (minimum, keep going if you like it) and they will help you figure out which way and how to do it your way.
 

GoodluckChuck

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I'm slowly going through it. I'm already trying to think of my core values, but it's not that easy. I guess I don't know myself very well...



I've tried pitying myself in the past I guess I didn't fully let myself be unhappy. I might need to hit rock bottom so I can get better, but it does seem a dangerous practice.
It's not about hitting rock bottom. It's about lowering your expectations so you can enjoy the little things.
 

ecommercewolf

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I'm surprised nobody has mentioned hobbies. Recently I read somewhere that mentioned the importance of maintaining hobbies, seems like we all lose time for them as we grow out of our teenage years and into adulthood. It's just WORK, WORK, WORK (me included)

Pick 3-5 hobbies you've always liked growing up...

Pick another 3 - 5 random things you've never tried and see if any of them sticks.

For example: hiking, learning language, boxing (no ideas what you're currently into)

Not only will you possibly find friends with some new or existing hobbies (you mentioned being lonely) ...

Now you have your hobbies AND something to look forward to after work.

I don't think a relationship is the answer like someone mentioned. Gotta find yourself 1st. Hopefully that helps. This is advice for myself too.
 
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arl

arl

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Would you say you are your own harshest critic and biggest fan?
I don't know about my biggest fan, but for sure I'm my harshest critic.

Take a few sessions of counseling, you won't regret it. It's really helpful to have someone help with the introspection, because they know what the correct questions to ask are.
I hadn't considered going to therapy. I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable doing it, but it might be helpfull. Thank you for your advice.

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned hobbies. Recently I read somewhere that mentioned the importance of maintaining hobbies, seems like we all lose time for them as we grow out of our teenage years and into adulthood. It's just WORK, WORK, WORK (me included)


I don't think a relationship is the answer like someone mentioned. Gotta find yourself 1st. Hopefully that helps. This is advice for myself too.
I do have some hobbies. But they are mostly lonely activities like learning programming, working out, etc. But you are right. I probably need to get out there and try new things.

I agree that you shouldn't I rely on a relationship to be happy. I need to find myself first.
 

BellaPippin

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I'm surprised nobody has mentioned hobbies. Recently I read somewhere that mentioned the importance of maintaining hobbies, seems like we all lose time for them as we grow out of our teenage years and into adulthood. It's just WORK, WORK, WORK (me included)

Pick 3-5 hobbies you've always liked growing up...
Oh yea that goes without saying. Thing is if you are depressed enough, you don't get moving. I say because I've been there. I love painting, reading, occasional videogaming etc. but at my lowest I'd "meh" everything, even the things I loved the most, and just sleep. If you can have a buddy that pushes you a bit to get out or do some of those with you it can help a lot.


I hadn't considered going to therapy. I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable doing it, but it might be helpfull. Thank you for your advice.
Don't be, believe me it helps 200%. You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. A good counselor isn't pushy. They just ask questions, comment on things that make you think or suggestions that you hadn't thought of, you're the one having the "aha" moment. It doesn't have to be a super deep talk like sometimes they picture it. It's just an objective professional listening to your situation and helping you help yourself pretty much. Please don't discard it based on perceptions if you've never done it! :)
 

S.Y.

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This thread might help:

Not Fulfilled? Depressed? Maybe You Need An Alignment

We have the tendency to pursue what society says will make us happy over what truly make us happy. We go after "society success" over "happiness".

For instance: Do you really want to be an entrepreneur? Or do you go after it because it is sexy these days?

I thought that is what I wanted too. For a really long time. Until I realise that I want a certain kind of freedom + the ability to live on the edge of my skills constantly. I am not interested in pure entrepreneurship, though I know that I will help me with my goals.

Further, I believe we discover what make us happy and our purpose by trying things. Be curious, follow your curiosity, remove all the layers of "society happiness rules"...

I would have never guessed that I enjoy stories and storytelling. But yet I followed my curiosity and I am dedicating time to it.

Never stop. It might be today, or tomorrow, or in 5 years. In hindsight, you will connect the dots.
 

Jon L

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I don't have any life-altering advice for you other than to say that I can relate. I've been depressed most of my life, to varying degrees.

You sound depressed to me. Depression isn't something you can talk yourself out of. Your best thinking got you here. Maybe you don't have major depression where you're suicidal, but any form of depression, even a mild one, can really be a drag.

There is a lot of bad advice out there about how to recover from depression. The psychology field has changed a fair amount on how they treat depression, even in the last 10 years, which is why you need to find someone that really knows his/her stuff.

A good counselor can work wonders. They're not as weird as you might think. A good one will help you walk through your beliefs about life, identify ones that are bringing you down and help you see how to change them into something more positive.

A forum isn't really a great place to get this kind of support, by the way. Things that are meaningful to one person might not mean much to you. For example, for a lot of people, thinking about 'what is the next best thing I can do right now to improve things' is empowering. For me, its defeating. It paralyzes me by making me try to figure out what the 'best' option is. Instead, changing that thought to 'what is something I can do in this next minute to improve things' made all the difference. Being able to talk with someone that can help you think through this kind of thing is worth its weight in gold.
 

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