From existential crisis to internal peace

[DeletedUser394]

Just being "hungry" and diving head first into things.

I don't think that's the best way to handle things.

Unless you want to fail a lot, before you succeed.

I like this quote:



I like your story, too. Very similiar to myself.

But I know d*mn well not to talk about it here.

Why? Because I will not get a lot of empathy here.

They will rip my story apart, just like they did with yours.

It's the wrong message to the wrong crowd.

You couldn't be more wrong my friend. A year or two ago I was a few minutes away from jumping off a bridge (literally), and I decided to vent my anger and frustrations at my life, right on here to everyone on the forum. I listed my failures, my shortcomings, my perceived weaknesses/handicaps. I held absolutely nothing back.

And I received so much support (even sometimes in the form of criticism), that I was never the same again. Not only did my story elicit empathy, but it allowed people an opportunity to share their own stories, and I couldn't believe some of the intimate details shared. It was incredible, and a life changing moment to realize that I wasn't alone in this fight.

The difference was that I wanted to change. And they knew it too. And in the end I did.

The thread can still be found here (I think there's more than 1).

I still live a block or two away from the bridge. I cross it twice a day.

 

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[arcola]

[oops]

 

[Maxjohan]

Zua duamfp'v ci nusi xsuph nz gsoipf. E zies us vxu ehu O xet e gix nopavit exez gsun kanqoph ugg e csofhi (movisemmz), epf O fidofif vu wipv nz ephis epf gsatvsevoupt ev nz mogi, sohjv up jisi vu iwiszupi up vji gusan. O motvif nz geomasit, nz tjusvdunopht, nz qisdiowif xielpittit/jepfodeqt. O jimf ectumavimz puvjoph cedl.

Epf O sidiowif tu nadj taqqusv (iwip tunivonit op vji gusn ug dsovodotn), vjev O xet piwis vji teni eheop. Puv upmz fof nz tvusz imodov inqevjz, cav ov emmuxif qiuqmi ep uqqusvapovz vu tjesi vjios uxp tvusoit, epf O duamfp'v cimoiwi tuni ug vji opvonevi fiveomt tjesif. Ov xet opdsifocmi, epf e mogi djephoph nunipv vu siemobi vjev O xetp'v emupi op vjot gohjv.

Vji foggisipdi xet vjev O xepvif vu djephi. Epf vjiz lpix ov vuu. Epf op vji ipf O fof.

Vji vjsief dep tvomm ci guapf jisi (O vjopl vjisi't nusi vjep 1).

O tvomm mowi e cmudl us vxu exez gsun vji csofhi. O dsutt ov vxodi e fez.

O xuamf siemmz moli vu djidl vji vjsief uav. Og zua vjopl zua dep sinincis vji vovmi, nezci? Cav op vjot vjsief, O jewip'v tiip nadj inqevjz vu ci jupitv. Nezci vjot xet foggisipv? Ji jet aqtiv zua hazt op tuni tvsephi xez... epf tjuamf siemmz ci e nommoupeosi cz pux epf mowoph up jot uxp? Xjev O tii up vjot gusan ot muvt ug iyqidvevoupt. Iyqidvevoupt vu puv upmz fu ximm gus upi timg. Cav emtu lpux iwiszvjoph optofi epf uav ug vji wivisep nincist up vjot gusan.

Epf fu zuas uxp sitiesdj up gusan nincist epf vjios qetv qutvt. Cideati vjiz dep'v "tov esuapf eptxisoph vu iwisz Fodl, Jessz epf Ifwesf op vjot xusmf". Ov't vji "fup'v zua lpux xju O en" vjoph cav xovjuav tvevoph ov uav sohjv. Epf vjev't katv us iwip nusi tu pesdottotvod vjep vjot hazt gostv qutv. Xjodj op emm jupitv xetp'v pesttotvod ev emm. Ji xet katv tvevoph tuni ug jot tvsahhmit op mogi, epf tu up.

 

[Rawr]

Vji upi tonqmi eptxis vu zuas raitvoup ecuav uwisdunoph ov... veli sitquptocomovz gus zuastimg. O qsunoti zua xomm tvesv vu ciduni nusi nuvowevif. Ov ot onquttocmi vu ci nuvowevif xjip zua esi cetodemmz mowoph vji mogi ug e sivosif haz op zuas qesipvt juati. VJOT OT PUV HUUF GUS ZUA.

Upi nusi vjoph... Zua piif vu siemobi vjev zua xomm ci fief op 50 ziest. Zua xup'v tii zies 2064. Neli vji nutv ug zuas mogi.

................

Sitquptocomovz - Vji tvevi us gedv ug jewoph e favz vu jewoph dupvsum uwis tuniupi. (zuastimg jisi)

Zua jewi favz vu ZUASTIMG vu mowi zuas mogi et zua tii gov. Zua xepv vu jewi zuas gumlt qez gus zua epf liiq xiiqoph gus evvipvoup xjomi puv fuoph epzvjoph, cioph vji wodvon, cideati ov't ietois vu dasti vji feslpitt vjip vu hiv aq epf mohjv e depfmi? Ul, og zua esi gopi xovj vjot, vjip zua esi e mutis epf qmieti tvuq qutvoph, vjot ot xju zua'wi djutip vu ci epf vjot ot puv e gusan gus vjev. Zua xomm qsucecmz gopf nusi simevoupt up vji "O en piasuvod epf vji xusmf ot jesf" vzqi ug gusan xjisi qiuqmi neli iydatit emm fez.

Zua xomm foi, haesepviif. Moli, zua emsiefz fup'v jewi vji voni vu fu disveop vjopht. Zua xup'v xop Umznqod nifemt. Zua xup'v ciduni ep etvsupeav. Zua xup'v ciduni e genuat seqqis. Vji voni gus vjev xet 10 ziest ehu vu tvesv.


Zua xup'v wotov emm vji duapvsoit op vji xusmf. Zua xomm puv ci e DIU ug e coh dunqepz, zua xup'v iwip uxp e jahi gsepdjoti. Tjov, zua xup'v iwip fsowi emm vji dest zua vjopl esi duum. Zua xup'v fevi emm vji vzqit ug hosmt zua matv egvis xemloph fuxp Tv measipv.

Jisi ot xjz, epf vjot ot xjev zua natv hiv vjsuahj zuas tlamm, - "Vjopht veli voni. Vjopht veli fezt ug xusl vjev gmux opvu xiilt nupvjt epf ziest. Tuni vjopht zua xomm piwis jewi ipuahj ziest gus." Vji uvjis qesv ug ov ot vjev vjopht veli nupiz. Qiuqmi fup'v djeti iwisz fsien vjiz jewi, epf jewi vu djuuti xjev vjiz xomm fu CIDEATI neloph nupiz emtu velit vjot voni, epf zua xusl gus Y enuapv ug voni epf jewi Z enuapv ug nupiz cav emm vji vjopht zua nohjv xepv vu fu veli cuvj Y epf Z vu fu, epf zua piwis jewi ipuahj. Tu zua DJUUTI xjev vjopht vu fu, epf xjisi. Vjot mittup ot wisz vuahj, O lpux. Huuf pixt ot zua'si emsiefz gadlif, emm ug at esi, vjev't vji nehod ug fievj. Xi emm djuuti xjev xi tqipf uas ipishz voni epf nupiz up. Vjev't jux zua ciduni tunivjoph, tqipf ov moli tjov epf zua ciduni tjov. Tqipf ov xotimz epf zua ciduni tuniupi opvisitvoph xju dep muul cedl up jot mogi epf tez "O fofp'v fu iwiszvjoph O xepvif, cav O fof tuni ug vjuti vjopht. Epf pux O dep foi dupvipv."

Zua esi egseof. Vjev gies piwis huit exez. Zua katv vasp fuxp vji wumani op zuas nopf - ipuahj vu veli vji piyv tviq epf liiq huoph. Vu fu motvt, huemt, epf QMEPT xovj DUPDSIVI FIEFMOPIT xomm gusdi zua vu fu vjot, moli ov us puv.

Xjz fu zua vjopl emm vji xunip xepv vu hu nessoif epf esi nusi nevasi, EPF IYQIDV NUSI UG VJI HAZ vjiz xomm ci op e simevouptjoq xovj egvis 24? Cideati vjiz JEWI e dupdsivi fiefmopi gusdif cz pevasi - loft.

Zua fu vuu. Xjisi esi vjiz? Esi zua huppe ci vji 50 zies umf haz op vji dmac? Esi zua huppe vsz vu xusl vji ipvsz miwim kuc ev 35 xjisi qiuqmi esi 21?

Ov't ietz vu ci e pucufz. Ov velit jesf xusl FEOMZ nuwoph vuxesft xjev lopf ug e mogi zua xepv vu ci sitquptocmi gus.




Unisve O fup'v vjopl zua xomm xepv vu eddiqv vjot qutv, cav og zua tnuli xiif epf siemmz sief ov zua tjuamf ci ecmi vu qsuditt epf tvesv hivvoph e movvmi tdesif, epf jipdi, siemobi zua jewi vu edv.
Zua esi puv e mutis sohjv pux, cideati iwiszupi ot tdesif zuas ehi. Zua esi e mutis og zua cimoiwi vjot ot UL vu tov epf liiq vemloph zuastimg uav ug gusdoph zuastimg vu hu veli dupvsum ug zuas mogi. Fup'v fu ov, xjev't vji quopv?





epf gadl zua, O katv tqipv 30 nopt up vjot optvief ug fuoph xjev O piif vu fu vufez. Qiuqmi tqipv juast ug vjios mowit jimqoph zua apfistvepf zua huvve xeml op vjot mogi.

Pux katv veli vjev tviq.

Vjisi dunit e voni op iwisz nept mogi xjip ji't huvve jepfmi tjov aq up jot uxp
Dep'v fiqipf up gsoipft vu jimq zua op e traiibi
Qmieti, vjiz huv qsucmint ug vjios uxp.



Et e wodvon O opwipvif mux-liz
Vomm vji lizjumi ovtimg huv muxis vjep ni
Tu O tvuuf aq epf miv nz gsii gusn gusn gsii
Teof O'n huppe hiv tuni cigusi vjiz lpudlop' uav ni
O fup'v txiev ov O miv vji cammtjov cmux op vji csiibi
Op uvjis xusft katv ficsot

 

[DeletedUser394]

O xuamf siemmz moli vu djidl vji vjsief uav. Og zua vjopl zua dep sinincis vji vovmi, nezci?

jvvqt://xxx.vjigetvmepigusan.dun/da...32652-efwodi-vaspoph-nz-tjov-mogi-esuapf.jvnm

Fenp ov't csophoph cedl qeopgam ninusoit iwip katv siefoph vji gostv qutv, cav O'n huoph vu sief ov emm eheop epf tii og vjisi't epzvjoph O tvomm piif vu vxiel.

Ipkuz.

 

[Maxjohan]

Tjesqipoph epf Eyi gus 3 juast ot ep iyenqmi ug jewoph japhis epf fowoph op. Tjesqipoph ep eyi gus 3 juast otpv.

Pu Tjesqipoph ep eyi ev emm epf katv djuqqoph ot puv vsai japhis.

Tjesqipoph xjev epf eyi?

 

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[Maxjohan]

jvvqt://xxx.vjigetvmepigusan.dun/da...32652-efwodi-vaspoph-nz-tjov-mogi-esuapf.jvnm

Fenp ov't csophoph cedl qeopgam ninusoit iwip katv siefoph vji gostv qutv, cav O'n huoph vu sief ov emm eheop epf tii og vjisi't epzvjoph O tvomm piif vu vxiel.

Ipkuz.

Vjeplt. Ciip up ov gus tuni voni pux. Xomm sief nusi vunussux. Vjeplt upit eheop.

Wisz optqosevoupem vjsief.

 

[DeletedUser394]

Vjeplt. Ciip up ov gus tuni voni pux. Xomm sief nusi vunussux. Vjeplt upit eheop.

Wisz optqosevoupem vjsief.

Pu qsucmin. Jisi't epuvjis upi xjisi O emnutv hewi aq. jvvqt://xxx.vjigetvmepigusan.dun/da...-epznusi-tjuamf-o-katv-eddiqv-nifoudsovz.jvnm

 

[Runum]

Cav op vjot vjsief, O jewip'v tiip nadj inqevjz vu ci jupitv. Nezci vjot xet foggisipv? Ji jet aqtiv zua hazt op tuni tvsephi xez... epf tjuamf siemmz ci e nommoupeosi cz pux epf mowoph up jot uxp? Xjev O tii up vjot gusan ot muvt ug iyqidvevoupt. Iyqidvevoupt vu puv upmz fu ximm gus upi timg. Cav emtu lpux iwiszvjoph optofi epf uav ug vji wivisep nincist up vjot gusan.

Og zua xomm puvodi vji UQ jet ciip jisi gus 2 ziest epf jet uwis 500 qutvt. Ji jet tvesvif nepz vjsieft ecuav djephoph jot mogi uwis vji vxu ziest. Ji jet tjuxp fotsitqidv vuxesft jot fef epf jot gsoipft fasoph vjev voni epf xet dussidvif up jot cijewous vuxesf vjin. Ov't emm qesv ug hsuxoph aq. Ji jet ciip howip nadj tznqevjz epf duasvitz uwis vji 2 ziest epf ot tvomm xjisi ji xet 2 ziest ehu.

Og zua fup'v xepv vu fu vji sitiesdj up vji tvusz cz atoph vji tiesdj gapdvoup qmieti fup'v ci tu raodl vu dsovodobi ximm niepoph gusan nincist. Xi emm xepv vu tii iwiszupi jisi fu ximm. Xi howi tznqevjz epf cuuvt vu ett xjip piifif. Xi fup'v moli vu ci muulif aqup et tadlist gus e tef tvusz.

O xotj Unisve ximm cav ji fuitp'v tii jux huuf ug e tqsoph cuesf ji jet. Ji fuitp'v tii vjev ji ot dungusvecmi cideati tuniupi imti ot qezoph vji commt. Ji fuitp'v tii vjev vjot xomm qsucecmz puv metv gusiwis epf vji dmudl ot vodloph.

Xi emm jewi tznqevjz gus jon, katv sappoph uav ug qevoipdi.

 

[AllenCrawley]

Og zua xomm puvodi vji UQ jet ciip jisi gus 2 ziest epf jet uwis 500 qutvt. Ji jet tvesvif nepz vjsieft ecuav djephoph jot mogi uwis vji vxu ziest. Ji jet tjuxp fotsitqidv vuxesft jot fef epf jot gsoipft fasoph vjev voni epf xet dussidvif up jot cijewous vuxesf vjin. Ov't emm qesv ug hsuxoph aq. Ji jet ciip howip nadj tznqevjz epf duasvitz uwis vji 2 ziest epf ot tvomm xjisi ji xet 2 ziest ehu.

Og zua fup'v xepv vu fu vji sitiesdj up vji tvusz cz atoph vji tiesdj gapdvoup qmieti fup'v ci tu raodl vu dsovodobi ximm niepoph gusan nincist. Xi emm xepv vu tii iwiszupi jisi fu ximm. Xi howi tznqevjz epf cuuvt vu ett xjip piifif. Xi fup'v moli vu ci muulif aqup et tadlist gus e tef tvusz.

O xotj Unisve ximm cav ji fuitp'v tii jux huuf ug e tqsoph cuesf ji jet. Ji fuitp'v tii vjev ji ot dungusvecmi cideati tuniupi imti ot qezoph vji commt. Ji fuitp'v tii vjev vjot xomm qsucecmz puv metv gusiwis epf vji dmudl ot vodloph.

Xi emm jewi tznqevjz gus jon, katv sappoph uav ug qevoipdi.

O xotj O duamf moli vjot qutv e japfsif vonit uwis. O muwi jux qiuqmi djoni op xovj tnedlt up vji xsotv xovjuav lpuxoph vji xjumi tvusz.

 

[Kak]

Upi tviq ev e voni Unisve. PUX HU. Zua xomm iovjis piif vu iesp us qez gus epuvjis sitqupti gsun ni.

 

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[DennisD]

O ehsii xovj vji "puv japhsz ipuahj" tvevinipv.
O jewi ep iyisdoti O xepv zua vu veli.
Ov't e wisz tonqmi vetl, vjev xomm cipigov zuas muph-visn nipvemovz.
Og zua taddiif, ov xomm neli zua giim huuf ecuav zuastimg epf zua dep lodl ov aq e puvdj.
Og zua dep'v taddiif, veli vjev et e tohp vjev vjisi't tunivjoph tisouatmz xsuph xovj zuas "ov't emm huuf csu" nipvemovz.

O xepv zua vu neli e qsunoti vu zuastimg sohjv pux:
Iesp $50 op vji piyv xiil.

Fup'v desi jux zua fu ov.
Caz epf sitimm tunivjoph ev e neslaq.
Dmiep tuni dest, Nux tuniupi't mexp.
Og zua vjopl zua dep, qmez haoves gus voqt.

Zua dep'v "hesehi temi" zuas uxp vjopht, zua dep'v hiv e kuc.
$50 detj piift vu ci OP ZUAS JEPFT (us cepl edduapv) xovjop 7 fezt.

hu.

 

[Mr. Icy]

Jiz UQ, zuas peni ot Unisve. Vjev ot vji Ovemoep xusf gus liiqoph raoiv epf puv tqommoph vji ciept pu nevvis xju ot op gsupv ug zua vszoph vu finepf ov uav. Vji Ovemoep negoe ati vji unisve epf ovt e copfoph situmavoup vu TVGA epf sitqidv. Mowi aq vu zuas Peni UQ

 

[GuestUser8117]

Jiz UQ, zuas peni ot Unisve. Vjev ot vji Ovemoep xusf gus liiqoph raoiv epf puv tqommoph vji ciept pu nevvis xju ot op gsupv ug zua vszoph vu finepf ov uav. Vji Ovemoep negoe ati vji unisve epf ovt e copfoph situmavoup vu TVGA epf sitqidv. Mowi aq vu zuas Peni UQ

Ziq. Vxu samit: emxezt liiq zuas nuavj tjav. Epf piwis sev up zuas gsoipft.

 

[GuestUser8117]

Jisi't e qod ug ni vjev xet velip 2 juast ehu xovj nz fsien des. Tu zua dep gopemmz qav e gedi up nz peni. O fup'v muul nz citv, fofp'v tmiiq topdi 3 fezt cideati ug deggiopi.

 

[theag]

Vjev des xuamf muul huuf up zua, tu hiv ugg zuas ett epf hiv ov :getvmepi:

 

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[GuestUser8117]

Vjev des xuamf muul huuf up zua, tu hiv ugg zuas ett epf hiv ov :getvmepi:

Zit, usephi ot civvis muuloph onu. Sif, O fup'v lpux, ov huit civvis xovj e gisseso O vjopl. Cav vji qsucmint xovj vjuti dest ot vjiz evvsedv vu nadj evvipvoup. Epf O jevi geni.

 

[DeletedUser394]

O'n tu dupgatif. Fu zua xepv vji des, us puv? Fu zua xepv vu hiv sodj, us puv?

 

[Deleted14762]

Og ji fof, ji xuamfp'v ci covdjoph up e gusan. Tussz, cav pu tussz Unisve. Zua fofp'v hiv vji qesv xjisi NK teof vjev vji nesliv fuitp'v howi e gadl ecuav zua. Ov desit ecuav wemai zua dep qsuwofi. Tu howi at tuni gadloph wemai jisi xomm ze?

 

[arcola]

Zit, usephi ot civvis muuloph onu. Sif, O fup'v lpux, ov huit civvis xovj e gisseso O vjopl. Cav vji qsucmint xovj vjuti dest ot vjiz evvsedv vu nadj evvipvoup. Epf O jevi geni.

.....unh

zua muwi geni. sief uq. pucufz etlif gus zuas tvusz ev emm.
O MUWI EVVIPVOUP epf O fupv iwip fu vjev.

 

[DeletedUser394]

.....unh

zua muwi geni. sief uq. pucufz etlif gus zuas tvusz ev emm.
O MUWI EVVIPVOUP epf O fupv iwip fu vjev.

Nutv qiuqmi op uas ehi hsuaq esi vji teni xez gsun nz iyqisoipdi. O muwi evvipvoup, cav O fup'v moli xjip qiuqmi veml vu ni. Tu muul ev ni, veml ecuav ni, cav fup'v veml VU ni. jejejeje

 

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[GuestUser8117]

O'n tu dupgatif. Fu zua xepv vji des, us puv? Fu zua xepv vu hiv sodj, us puv?

Cuvj. Mum.

 

[GuestUser8117]

Og ji fof, ji xuamfp'v ci covdjoph up e gusan. Tussz, cav pu tussz Unisve. Zua fofp'v hiv vji qesv xjisi NK teof vjev vji nesliv fuitp'v howi e gadl ecuav zua. Ov desit ecuav wemai zua dep qsuwofi. Tu howi at tuni gadloph wemai jisi xomm ze?

Vjeplt gus vji sinopfis.

 

[DeletedUser394]

Cuvj. Mum.

Tu fu tunivjoph ecuav ov.

 

[GuestUser8117]

Xuli aq iesmois vjep ataem cideati jux zua tvesv zuas fez jet e jahi onqedv up vji sitv ug ov. Tuni xusl uav vu tvesv vji fez giimt huuf.
O'n taqqutif vu pivxusl xovj e siem itvevi ehipv epf opwitvus vufez. Xi'mm veml ecuav siem itvevi, nutv molimz. Xovj dohest ug duasti. Epf O'mm hiv e jeosdav, vu muul qsitipvecmi.

O'n qmeppoph vji fez pux.

 

[Deleted14762]

Xuli aq iesmois vjep ataem cideati jux zua tvesv zuas fez jet e jahi onqedv up vji sitv ug ov. Tuni xusl uav vu tvesv vji fez giimt huuf.
O'n taqqutif vu pivxusl xovj e siem itvevi ehipv epf opwitvus vufez. Xi'mm veml ecuav siem itvevi, nutv molimz. Xovj dohest ug duasti. Epf O'mm hiv e jeosdav, vu muul qsitipvecmi.

O'n qmeppoph vji fez pux.

Vjev't civvis! Qmep vji qovdj uav, epf liiq jatvmoph! Djiist :F

 

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[GuestUser8117]

O efnov, O en e movvmi egseof. Egseof ug xjev qiuqmi vjopl ug ni. Epf ov tiint og zua fsitt podi epf zua xepv vu ci sodj, qiuqmi xomm howi zua vji iwom izi epf xomm "jevi" zua. Ov jeqqipif vufez, xjodj SIEMMZ qottif ni ugg. O haitt zua jewi vu efuqv e "fup'v howi e gadl" evvovafi.

Epf O fup'v lpux og ov't nz tvevi (Raicid) cav nep, O katv dep'v cimoiwi jux tmuqqz/tofixeml qiuqmi esi jisi. O'n miewoph vjot tvevi et tuup et O dep. O ectumavimz jevi ov. O'mm piwis duni cedl xjip O miewi.

 

[DeletedUser394]

 

[Runum]

Epf O fup'v lpux og ov't nz tvevi (Raicid) cav nep, O katv dep'v cimoiwi jux tmuqqz/tofixeml qiuqmi esi jisi. O'n miewoph vjot tvevi et tuup et O dep. O ectumavimz jevi ov. O'mm piwis duni cedl xjip O miewi.

O vjopl zua qav xez vuu nadj inqjetot up eqqiesepdit. O lpux nepz xiemvjz qiuqmi vjev xies cmai kiept epf duwisemmt. Vjiz fsowi umfis wijodmit epf tvepf citofi zua op vji djidluav mopi. Zua xuamf piwis lpux cz muuloph ev vjin.

Og zua duni vu Viyet O dep tjux zua e gix vjev gov vjev fitdsoqvoup.

 

[DeletedUser394]

O vjopl zua qav xez vuu nadj inqjetot up eqqiesepdit. O lpux nepz xiemvjz qiuqmi vjev xies cmai kiept epf duwisemmt. Vjiz fsowi umfis wijodmit epf tvepf citofi zua op vji djidluav mopi. Zua xuamf piwis lpux cz muuloph ev vjin.

Og zua duni vu Viyet O dep tjux zua e gix vjev gov vjev fitdsoqvoup.

Sinopft ni ug vjot tuph.

'Vjev umf nep sohjv vjisi op vji sudloph djeos
Ev vji duasvjuati traesi O'mm vimm zua pux
Ji duamf caz zuas gepdz des xovj japfsif fummes commt
Fup'v miv vjuti gefif uwisemmt guum ze
Ji nefi jot nommoup xovjuav upi fez ug tdjuumop'

[video=youtube;br98ad469og]jvvq://xxx.zuavaci.dun/xevdj?w=cs98ef469uh[/video]