What would you do? Really looking for input!

[PurEnergy]

Sue,

You need to know that you are not alone. Any one of us could be in the same or worse position than you are at any moment. I've said it before on here that my 16 year old son had a stroke this year. I thought life was OVER. He is doing fine today and is in the other room watching the Panthers game. If you and your family have your health, F... credit scores, money, and STUFF. Pretend your "kiddo" just had a stroke and see how important any of that is to you. It means nothing.

As far as I know you only live once. It's obvious that your child means everything to you as it does to me. You need to start over. I'm from California and moved to North Carolina where my wifes family is from. I say DO NOT MOVE if you don't want to. You can move to another area but why leave the beautiful state of California if you don't have to. I would move back there in a heart beat if I could. Regardless of all the traffic and other crap it's still one of the best places on the planet if you ask me. Just move to another area.

If you are a nurse you've got to be employable. Those are some of the highest paying JOBS there are right now and highly in demand. Do what you have to do. It's tuff right now and you are not alone. Get back on track and do what you can to take care of your family. Your friends and family are all that really matter. That "stuff" is all an illusion if you ask me. It can be gone in a second for any of us. I found that out the hard way this year.

Pick yourself up and put one foot in front of the other. If you and your family have your health you have everything you need. You only live once so don't let a day go by that you can't find some reason to love the life that you have. It may suck right now but you will survive. You didn't cause this freakin mess we are in.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[BeingChewsie]

Sue,
But you still could fail. You could fail to look at life from this day forward and take action.

Logically I know this, I have been feeling so overwhelmed that I can't seem to define what action I should be taking. We are now doing the 30 day challenge(thanks for the suggestion), we are working on Robert's corporate credit/corporate structure course(that law degree is good for something after all :smxB, Robert is working on certification to be able to evaluate student portfolios for credit at the University he teaches at. He is on the last module but says that is like "found money", it pays $250 an eval but nobody knows how many he will get assigned to him to eval in the area(law)that he teaches. During the brief times(like now) when I can stop being in a complete panic mode I can logically see that there is a way out of this and it could be worse, but then the panic sets in, the "what ifs" set in, and I lose it again:smx4:. So we are doing things, they just don't feel fast enough to me.

Over the weekend when my son was having one of his autistic rages and doing his level best to destroy everything we own and wishing Robert and I dead on Christmas day I said "God doesn't give us anything we can't handle", I'm not an overly religious person but I swear that is what keep me from behaving like a lion and eating my young in those moments. I need to carry that through into other things as well. I know we will work it out, I'm kind of like the stock market though, I don't like the "unknown". Thanks again,

Sue

 

[BeingChewsie]

Thanks, we are major sticklers about personal responsibility too.

In answer to your question I don't know, I know I'm terrified he will miss a payment and that precious FICO score will go down.

We have spoken to several attys that have offered some sound solutions to handle the debt that do not involve bankruptcy, something neither one of us sees as an option. We have just been clinging to those payments and that credit score for dear life. I know we need to be willing to let it slide for a bit if that is what it takes but I'll tell you it is one of the hardest things to do when you worked so hard to get it into the category of "excellent".

Sue

Sue, I'm sorry you guys are in that situation.

What good is Robert's credit score if your life is ruined by trying to keep it afloat?

I am a believer on personal responsibility and paying what you owe. But you have to come first.

Call the lender/collector and tell them you can't make the next three payments. Start a negotiation or make more payment arraignments.

Don't lose your relationship and your peace of mind, and your sleep, just so you can keep a good credit score. Your family is the most important component of your life.

Start making calls to the lenders. Worst case scenario, they say no. Many are willing to talk and make arraignments these days.

 

[Luke12321]

Hang in there Sue! Better times are to come. Never give up on yourself, your family, or your dreams!

While things are tough for you, others would give anything to be in the position you are, with the great family you have.

You can do it....never give up!

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[BeingChewsie]

Thank you, I have been so focused on this that I can't even think about anything I'm passionate about, when I try to think about it, my mind immediately starts running with "omg, we have bills to pay and you are daydreaming about what you are pasionate about, knock it off!". I'm going to work on calming down, maybe then I'll start feeling passionate about something, heck anything again.

Sue

Hey, these are make or break times, but know that there is a lot of opportunity out there. Here is the best advice I can give you with out telling any of my personal story: If you have a passion for something right now, force yourself to contact people who are successful in that industry. For example, if you like flowers and always day dreamed of owning flower shops, find a flower shop in your area where there are at least two or more and research the owner. Then contact the owner and take them to lunch. Learn everything you can about your passion from this person and repeat the process. Talking to people who share your passion and who understand how to become successful helps lift your spirits and gets your focus where it should be. Unemployment is increasing so starting or growing your own business is the safer bet. Go out and learn from successful happy people who share your passion. I went from homeless to wealthy in my last business doing this and it really works! Good luck, just know its not a matter of luck!

 

[BeingChewsie]

I'm trying. I have been such a rabid bitch the last several weeks I can't even believe he hasn't sent me packing. We do need to do something other than fight and work..it is only adding to the stress.

Sue

Sue,

Take a deep breath. And again. One more time.

Money can bring out the worst in people, but only if you let it. Make up your mind right now to not let your current circumstances divide your family. Maybe go to Robert and let him know that you believe in him, and in yourself and you guys as a team. ...I know I do. You have a special needs child that you are dedicated your life to. Anyone who has made the sacrifices you have is a person who has strength of character, and is someone I believe in. You are stronger than you realize right now. (This may be seen as sexist, so I apologize in advance.)

Money will flow in and out of your life. When it ebbs due to circumstances outside of your control, it does not mean you are a failure, it only means you just have less money. ... Maybe you guys need to sit down over a bottle of wine and brainstorm some solutions. Can you live with family? Can you move into an apartment? Can you sell a car? Focus on what you can do, then start planning to move in that direction. (Keep in mind that everything that is happening to you right now is all part of your story. Any good story has a few chapters of struggle. You will make it past this, and you will be wiser for it, and if you play your cards right your family can be even closer because of it.

Give your brain a break from all the stress and go have some "fun" :smxB: with your man.

And you hang in there, your kiddo needs you. ... If you ever need to talk, or just want someone to listen, feel free to PM me.

 

[AroundTheWorld]

• yoga
• meditation
• write all your worries - - - free form in a journal each morning. Set a timer. Give yourself 10 minutes to rant and rave and grumble. Get it all on the page. Don't do it in one of those pretty journals (cuz then you will worry about writing all those horrid things) - - - a boring ol spiral notebook will do. Then, when the timer dings, put the notebook away, and close your mind to those thoughts. Don't worry. You can rant and rave for 10 minutues again tomorrow. This exercise gets it out of your brain and somewhere else. Take a few deep breaths. Then, get out another journal (a pretty one this time) and write down 5 things you are grateful for. These thoughts of gratitude can then carry you through the rest of your day.
• exercise
• prayer

Do any of these each morning for a week. I'll bet you notice a difference.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[AroundTheWorld]

Another thing to keep in mind...

You can't start a log on fire with just a match. You start with paper or pine needles or some other small fuel. Then, you move on to kinling... very small chunks of wood. Once that is burning well, you can throw your log onto the flames.

Accomplishing something new is done little baby step by little baby step. Know that your end goal is to burn the big log, but start with the needles. You'll get your log burned a lot more quickly than you would sitting around analyzing how to skip steps one and two so that you can burn the log more quickly.

 

[CVentures1B12]

I don't have a child and I cannot empathize with you, but I understand what is happening and I can tell you (from my experience) that, as corny as it sounds and as much as you don't want to hear this, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. I was in a very rough place this time last year, and I am double the person now that I was then.

One piece of advice...stay on this forum. The support, advice, help, insight, and, actually, love that you will find here trumps anything else, honestly. If it weren't for the constant support of this community, I could still be in the dumps...

Best wishes and we are here for you.

Best,
Josh

 

[BeingChewsie]

I'm going to go back to doing these things. I need to focus on just being happy with what we have and get back to focusing on just living simply and frugally.

Sue

• yoga
• meditation
• write all your worries - - - free form in a journal each morning. Set a timer. Give yourself 10 minutes to rant and rave and grumble. Get it all on the page. Don't do it in one of those pretty journals (cuz then you will worry about writing all those horrid things) - - - a boring ol spiral notebook will do. Then, when the timer dings, put the notebook away, and close your mind to those thoughts. Don't worry. You can rant and rave for 10 minutues again tomorrow. This exercise gets it out of your brain and somewhere else. Take a few deep breaths. Then, get out another journal (a pretty one this time) and write down 5 things you are grateful for. These thoughts of gratitude can then carry you through the rest of your day.
• exercise
• prayer

Do any of these each morning for a week. I'll bet you notice a difference.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[AroundTheWorld]

I am so glad to hear this!! I think after doing this consistently for a week, you will not only feel better, but your mind will open up to possibilities for the future!

 

[kimberland]

When I went through a very black period,
so black I considered ending it all,
I started playing the one good thing game.

Every morning when I woke up,
I told myself that if I couldn't find one good thing in the day,
it would be my last one.
By good, I meant a rainbow, a child's smile, a laugh, a gentle touch, chocolate
the small things.

You know what?
I never could.
There was always something.

And I found that by looking out for that one good thing,
I saw more and more good things.
It became a habit.
I do that with my marriage.
I do that with jobs I take.
I do that with everything.

Right now, it is natural for you to see the bad
(because you are worried about it and naturally focusing on it).
The one good thing game forces you to see the good.

BTW...
I grew up completely broke (no indoor plumbing, not eating every day)
and I was happy.
If you're worried about your son, kids truly don't need much.

 

[Russ H]

kimberland-

I do something similar, but just a bit different:

Before I go to sleep each night,
the VERY LAST thing I do
is think of at least 3 things that happened that day
that were special to me.

They can be big things
(got paid for a job, got a permit I needed for months)
or little things
(KT saying a new word, or enjoying the moon that night).

Most nights I can't stop at 3
And wind up falling asleep
remembering all of the amazing things
that happened to me on just that day.

****

When I get up,
I immediately think of 3 things
for which I'm thankful.

Again, big or small.

Starts the day off right.
With gratitude, instead of fear.

Writing this down, and reading it,
it just sounds silly.
But it really, really works.

Makes an amazing difference in my life.

-Russ H.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[BeingChewsie]

Thank you, I'm doing better. I'm not going to focus on getting into the fastlane anymore, I do a much better job at saving money and doing frugal things than I do at making money, so that is where I am going to focus. Robert agrees that is where I'm strongest and I had moved away from that. I feel better already. Thanks again for the input.

Sue

Right now, it is natural for you to see the bad
(because you are worried about it and naturally focusing on it).
The one good thing game forces you to see the good.

BTW...
I grew up completely broke (no indoor plumbing, not eating every day)
and I was happy.
If you're worried about your son, kids truly don't need much.

 

[andviv]

Glad to hear you are doing better.

so, the plan is, you will play defense (savings, frugality, budgets, etc) while Robert takes care of creating businesses, investments, making money?

I like that idea! Each of you focus on what each is very strong. Clever, very clever!

 

[BeingChewsie]

Yes, while he figures out the how of doing that and then eventually does it, I'm going to be working to keep us well under budget.

Sue

Glad to hear you are doing better.

so, the plan is, you will play defense (savings, frugality, budgets, etc) while Robert takes care of creating businesses, investments, making money?

I like that idea! Each of you focus on what each is very strong. Clever, very clever!

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[AroundTheWorld]

I'm going to go back to doing these things. I need to focus on just being happy with what we have and get back to focusing on just living simply and frugally.

Sue

So, Sue... how are you feeling?

 

[BeingChewsie]

So, Sue... how are you feeling?

Hi,

Much better, thank you for asking! I have been focusing on the Holidays. We have a budget in place that will work for now and just knowing that has taken a little heat off of me. I have started a blog, something I have wanted to do for a while. The best thing is it snowed in the foothills very close to us. In the 35 years Robert has lived here it has never snowed this close to the beach. It reminded me of New England and THAT made me feel better. I'll never be a true California girl. My little guy's Christmas program was today at school and I cried because he participated. He sang and he did all the motions and was smiling from ear to ear! Here are a couple pics I took this morning of the snow in the foothills and of him. I don't feel the world is ending anymore. I'm more relaxed and more open to the things around me. I tend to get wound a little tight ..I'm not real good with stress but things are looking much brighter around here this week. Thanks for all of your advice, taking a step back and working on letting go of some things has really helped.

Sue

 

[AroundTheWorld]

Thanks for sharing. Beautiful pics!!! (I love the snow too)

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[servicefly]

Nice pics... I am reminded of something I learned in the military that has brought me much success; "work smarter not harder." It seems you have begun this as you assigned Robert to the creative end and you have taken up your skills on the frugal end. You both should know that in times as this, many have made their fortunes. The money in the world has not disappeared, it has just shifted in ownership. The goal is to get more flowing to you. How?

At this point any business you (both) can create can generate you more money. 1st, figure out a business, 2nd, find a way to let as many people as you can know about your future business as possible. You will begin to attract people to your business before you spend any serious money. Basically I am telling you to create a buzz about a future business before starting it. 3rd, calculate what you need in money to be comfortable, then get enough people to want to be part of your business to account for this newly calculated income (add 20% to this number). 4th, take the risk of opening your new business by contacting all these people and sell them what they already want, your product or service. The hard part is getting the people (customers first) but it costs very little money.

I'll bet you already know many people with similar interests or something in common (like a PTA) who you can begin talking with (networking). Make the networking fun and relaxing so you can accomplish two main goals; networking for your future business and increasing your friend and support base during these hard times.

Happy Holidays, I wish you and your family the best.

Side Note: When I was homeless many years back, I did exactly this and built a company in 7 months which I sold for $350,000 in 2001. It can be done.

 

[BeingChewsie]

Nice pics... I am reminded of something I learned in the military that has brought me much success; "work smarter not harder." It seems you have begun this as you assigned Robert to the creative end and you have taken up your skills on the frugal end. You both should know that in times as this, many have made their fortunes. The money in the world has not disappeared, it has just shifted in ownership. The goal is to get more flowing to you. How?

At this point any business you (both) can create can generate you more money. 1st, figure out a business, 2nd, find a way to let as many people as you can know about your future business as possible. You will begin to attract people to your business before you spend any serious money. Basically I am telling you to create a buzz about a future business before starting it. 3rd, calculate what you need in money to be comfortable, then get enough people to want to be part of your business to account for this newly calculated income (add 20% to this number). 4th, take the risk of opening your new business by contacting all these people and sell them what they already want, your product or service. The hard part is getting the people (customers first) but it costs very little money.

I'll bet you already know many people with similar interests or something in common (like a PTA) who you can begin talking with (networking). Make the networking fun and relaxing so you can accomplish two main goals; networking for your future business and increasing your friend and support base during these hard times.

Happy Holidays, I wish you and your family the best.

Side Note: When I was homeless many years back, I did exactly this and built a company in 7 months which I sold for $350,000 in 2001. It can be done.

Happy New Year! I wasn't ignoring your post I was just taking a break from things over the holidays. Thank you for all your advice, I have suggested to Robert that he read this post by you. Robert may start another business at some point, but I can't say for sure. The topics of money/investing/business are off-limits between us now, it just turns into something ugly. I'd rather our home be peaceful and happy. If he does something he does, if not it is OK, I'll support him either way and make due with what we have. Thank you again for the advice, please know it has been passed along!

Sue

 

[yveskleinsky]

Sue,

Good to hear from you! I have thought about you consistently for the past couple of weeks. ...I'm glad to hear that you guys are focusing on the future as well as focusing on keeping peace in your home.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[BeingChewsie]

Sue,

Good to hear from you! I have thought about you consistently for the past couple of weeks. ...I'm glad to hear that you guys are focusing on the future as well as focusing on keeping peace in your home.

Hi,

Thanks, I am working really hard to be happy with the way things have turned out. I have some guilt issues to work through relating to feeling my son is going to be shortchanged financially by my decision to stay here at the beach with Robert but I'm working through them. I'm looking forward to achieving inner peace and acceptance of things in 2009.

Sue

 

[SaraK]

Thank you for the input. We will probably just stay where we are, even though it is the most likely the right thing to do, it makes me feel kind of sad, like I'm going to look back in a few years and think why didn't we just do it, we could of been in a much better financial place if we had.

I think you're wise to follow your instincts and do what will make you and your child the most happy. From everything I've heard it sounds like it's easier to find money than happiness. As Robert and Kim Kiyosaki say, you don't necessarily have to have money to start investing. Look for those great deals you are afraid of missing and then find ways to get the money. It may mean partnering with other investors who have cash or finding ways to increase your income. I would look at it from the perspective of growing instead of cutting back. And if you can rent the Chicago home out again $500 a month cash flow is pretty respectable.

On a personal note, thank you for posting this, I am facing a dilemma right now where I am trying to decide if I am going to settle or take a risk, so the post here also give me a lot of food for thought.

Good luck!

 

[BeingChewsie]

I understand, I would of prefered to take the risk in Chicago but Robert really wants to stay here so Chicago is a fall-back if something happens here and we absolutely can't afford to live here anymore. I'm still looking for a job in detox but in the meantime I have cut out anything but the bare bones. He is trying to find a second job but has to be very careful, the company he works for is very strict and bitchy about employees having other jobs. It will be OK, at least we have each other.

Good luck and I hope things work out the way you want.

Sue

I think you're wise to follow your instincts and do what will make you and your child the most happy. From everything I've heard it sounds like it's easier to find money than happiness. As Robert and Kim Kiyosaki say, you don't necessarily have to have money to start investing. Look for those great deals you are afraid of missing and then find ways to get the money. It may mean partnering with other investors who have cash or finding ways to increase your income. I would look at it from the perspective of growing instead of cutting back. And if you can rent the Chicago home out again $500 a month cash flow is pretty respectable.

On a personal note, thank you for posting this, I am facing a dilemma right now where I am trying to decide if I am going to settle or take a risk, so the post here also give me a lot of food for thought.

Good luck!

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[bflbob]

Thanks, we are major sticklers about personal responsibility too.

In answer to your question I don't know, I know I'm terrified he will miss a payment and that precious FICO score will go down.

We have spoken to several attys that have offered some sound solutions to handle the debt that do not involve bankruptcy, something neither one of us sees as an option. We have just been clinging to those payments and that credit score for dear life. I know we need to be willing to let it slide for a bit if that is what it takes but I'll tell you it is one of the hardest things to do when you worked so hard to get it into the category of "excellent".

Sue

Sue:

About 20 years ago, my wife and I were in the same boat financially. We owned and operated a flower shop and 13 greenhouses. We had never had to borrow money, and then all of the sudden interest rates went to 24% just at the time when our suppliers all tightened credit. We had to borrow to survive, and then we couldn't afford to repay it. We got behind on taxes, and owed a small fortune there. We saw no way out.

Fuel prices climbed, and that just made it tougher. We had greenhouses full of crops that needed heating. We couldn't just turn off the heat and let them die. But we couldn't pay for the fuel needed to heat them either. And both my wife and I were in the business (along with my parents, who had retired to Florida), so there was no "down time". We worked together all day, and most of the night. It sucked.

We reached the point where I knew we couldn't do anything more. And so, I quit. Sort of.

I wrote to all of our suppliers, letting them know the bind I was in. I told them that I couldn't promise to continue to pay the outstanding balances on a regular basis. I asked them to set the balances aside, and to continue to serve us on a COD basis only.

I promised that I would make every effort to pay a 1% interest payment to them each month on the outstanding balances, but could not promise any principle. I asked that, if they could, I would really appreciate it if I could get terms of "a few days" instead of COD. This would allow us time to sell their product in order to pay them.

What I found was that most companies (all but one) were more than generous. Some offered to carry us on a note at a lower interest rate. Others offered to set aside the old balance and continue to serve us on 30 day terms. Most just accepted our terms.

I argued that they could take us to bankruptcy, but that would just give the money to an attorney. Instead, I'd do my best to keep my word. And I did.

We struggled for another year or two, and started selling off surplus inventory. One-by-one, the greenhouses came down and were sold. Finally, we paid all but that one supplier back. (They kept attaching our bank account, but, true to our word, there was nothing there.)

Things changed. Times got better. We moved on.

The same will happen for you.

But you need to take action. I agree with some of the others who have posted here. Call your lenders and talk to them. There really is a lot of good in the world.

I wish both of you good luck, and a better 2009.

 

[yveskleinsky]

Hi,

Thanks, I am working really hard to be happy with the way things have turned out. I have some guilt issues to work through relating to feeling my son is going to be shortchanged financially by my decision to stay here at the beach with Robert but I'm working through them. I'm looking forward to achieving inner peace and acceptance of things in 2009.

Sue

Sue,

Kids don't care about money. They really, really don't. I had a dad who gave us everything, but we never saw him: he came home from work after we were in bed and was off to work before we woke up. All for us to have "the good life" and the things he never had growing up. The kicker is, is that I would've traded it all just to have him tuck me in at night.

You have made your family a priority by sticking with each other, and are making a concerted effort to keep peace in your home. ...Your son sounds like one of the luckiest kids I know.

 

[BeingChewsie]

Things changed. Times got better. We moved on.

The same will happen for you.

But you need to take action. I agree with some of the others who have posted here. Call your lenders and talk to them. There really is a lot of good in the world.

I wish both of you good luck, and a better 2009.

Thank you for sharing that. He is working with an attorney on the debt. I have no idea what the final outcome will be, I'd imagine he will use the money from the sale of the house(when it sells) to pay off the debt. That will make things better for him.

Sue

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[servicefly]

Why not take your posts here and others and create a blog about your situation? Sincere stories that pertain to a large interest across the Web (economic survival) generate a lot of viewers. After you get enough traffic, many people here can help you monetize your traffic. The time to blog is minimal and very therapeutic. Just give it some thought, blogs are very easy to setup.

 

[BeingChewsie]

Sue,

Kids don't care about money. They really, really don't. I had a dad who gave us everything, but we never saw him: he came home from work after we were in bed and was off to work before we woke up. All for us to have "the good life" and the things he never had growing up. The kicker is, is that I would've traded it all just to have him tuck me in at night.

You have made your family a priority by sticking with each other, and are making a concerted effort to keep peace in your home. ...Your son sounds like one of the luckiest kids I know.

Thank you! I hope he grows up and feels that way. Last night he and I were standing outside watching the sun set over Catalina, it was 84 degrees, and I realized how lucky I am to live here. I'm going to enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

Sue