What would you do? Really looking for input!

[BeingChewsie]

Hi all Very long time no chit chat, hope everyone is doing well!

Looking for some input...

RE Taipan and I are considering leaving southern CA and moving to property we own in Chicago to lower expenses. We'd cut them to a $1,000 or perhaps a little less a month..our net income is about $6,000-$8,000 a month...the variation comes from ebay sales. The downside is this is would be a huge downgrade in living, we live on the pacific ocean, its warm, safe, and the schools are fantastic for my kiddo. The house in chicago is in a working class suburb, very blue collar, schools suck, and the house has been a rental..it is a huge 3+ bedrooms, 2.5 baths, inlaw apartment, attached garage and workshop off the garage and large fenced in backyard, it brings us a little over $500 a month in cashflow when rented..tenants just moved out. So the house is available. It seems like a no brainer but I'm fearful that we will get stuck there. Part of me believes that our expenses should not be stopping us and that even if we free up some cash it still won't be enough and we could be stuck in what I call the "gates of hell" for 5 years or more trying to make this happen...I could suck it up for 2 years, maybe 3 years but anything beyond that I don't think so. The big issue is that the schools suck and my kiddo has asperger's and has tons of social skills needs, he is in the gifted and talented program with a great IEP, and is working well above grade level. What would be his neighborhood school in chicago barely has a 70% proficient rating on state exams, his current school is CA has a 98% proficienecy rating on state exams and is a blue ribbon school. Homeschooling is out, he needs the structure of the school environment plus I'd need to work...so we have to consider private school which will push our expenses up..perhaps close to what they are in CA. Our pay would stay the same as RE Taipan's job is done online fron anywhere and I'm an RN and work as an independent contractor so I set my price. I was also considering the possibility of turning part of the house in chicago into a preschool/daycare..I have a degree in early childhood education and also being a nurse I think would be an added safety feature for parents. Anyway not to get to far off track I guess my question is..have any of you really downsized in order to free up cash to invest? Like moved to a not so great area from a great one in order to do it? iIm so torn and obviously if we can't rectify the school issue we will just have to suck it up here in CA until he is out of school because I simply can't have him in that neighborhood school. So What would you do?

 

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[bflbob]

So What would you do?

Pretty much anything for my kid.

 

[Jill]

Do you like Chicago, in general? Or are you just considering it because you have the rental property there? Why not rent it out again, then move somewhere cheaper that's still warm and has better schools?

If that's not a possibility or interest, then I would def go with private schools. I don't know about Chicago, but most decent private schools in our area will run you about $8000/yr. That doesn't eat up too terribly much from your expense savings.

 

[michaelscheuren]

If it were me, I would not move or at least not move until your child is out of school. It seems to me that where you live now is a better place to live and raise your family. If you moved and had to put your child into a private school and the expenses would be about the same as living where you are now, why move and downgrade your quality of living?

How old is your child? If he/she has a long way to go in school, would you want to move and then in 2-3 years move again while he/she is still in school?

I also agree with Jill. I would rent it out again and look for someplace cheaper, warm climate and great schools for your child.

You don't want to be stuck in the "gates of hell" if you don't have to be(it already seems like you don't like Chicago). But if you have a solid plan, you would be out in 2-3 years. It's just something I would not do. Good Luck. I hope whatever you choose works out for you!!

Just my .02

Michael.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Tread carefully ... this is a Life Altering Choice. These decisions will impact your life forever, as well as your child.

Based on your description, it sounds like you don't want to move. I'd go with that feeling (if its true). Having lived in Chicago, I can tell you it isn't a piece of cake, and the expenses aren't far behind California. Did you know the city has the highest tax rate in the country? And the schools do suck, at least when I lived there. I fear there could be a high price to pay for your child.

If it were me, I'd consider renting the house or selling it before moving there. If you are set on a move, I'd consider a state with less taxes and lower cost of living -- Arizona, Texas, MS, FL, SD, etc. You might be able to achieve the same objectives after considering the long term costs (Moving, Bad Schools and the effects, Taxes, etc.)

 

[TaxGuy]

Having lived in Chicago, I can tell you it isn't a piece of cake, and the expenses aren't far behind California. Did you know the city has the highest tax rate in the country? And the schools do suck, at least when I lived there. I fear there could be a high price to pay for your child.

You beat me to it, I know So Cal has an insane cost of living, but moving to Chicago to curb that is like moving from Gary, IN to East St. Louis, IL to be in a "safer" city.

All in all I love it here, even though I do see the grass greener in other places when I visit, I can't trade the diversity Chicago has to offer despite landing on the "Most Segregated Cities" list year in, year out and on top of that the change in the seasons, which is a good thing-bad thing b/c at times I feel I have S.A.D. but then I try to remind myself of some of the great Winter memories that you don't get living in SoCal.

Bottom line is the choice is up to you, as far as schools it really depends on your child, i.e. being from Palatine I went to Blue Ribbon schools from K-12 which included xferring to a new grade-school in 5th grade for a gifted program and I loved it while my older brother went to the same schools, fell in with the wrong crowd and eventually dropped out with about a half yr to go in HS. Worst of all were some of the kids I knew that went to the "prestigious" private schools who were more messed up than anyone I knew in public school, but it was mostly b/c they were sent to a school that there parents wanted them to go to not by their choice.

So if you do decide, please consult with your kid first as moving is always difficult and a lot of your child's actions will be dictated by their environment- i.e. I played sports and hung out w/ the "intellectuals"(even though I was the idiot of the group :smx4 while my brother went from hanging out with good kids to hanging out with delinquents after he started going to night school b/c he stopped going to his classes and he still reflects all the bad qualities of his inner circle from HS 12yrs later....

If it were me, I'd consider renting the house or selling it before moving there. If you are set on a move, I'd consider a state with less taxes and lower cost of living -- Arizona, Texas, MS, FL, SD, etc. You might be able to achieve the same objectives after considering the long term costs (Moving, Bad Schools and the effects, Taxes, etc.)

+1 on AZ for lower cost of living especially since property is dirt cheap there now, not sure on how the school systems are, but my parents have made the migration for the Winter.

 

[yveskleinsky]

If you are only looking to free up $1000/month at best, I would stay put.

If you son does best in a structured, special needs environment uprooting him may cause you both a lot of unneeded stress.

Here are some thoughts on how to make $1,000+ month and stay put:

1. Open a home daycare in CA.
2. Open a home child care center for parents with kids with special needs, so if the parents need a break they can schedule time for you to watch their child while they catch a movie.
3. Open a group home.
4. Have a special needs person live with you. I have a good friend who has a moderately retarded older woman who lives with them (Mary). The situation is ideal for everyone involved as Mary gets a normal home environment, my friend's kids get a sweet "Auntie" who plays with them until they fall over, and the State pays them very well to care for her (over $40k a year I believe.) These situations don't have to be permanent; they can be more of a foster home situation until the person is placed in the right environment.

Just some thoughts. You have such a unique perspective, as well as specialized talents, being the parent of a special needs child as well as a nurse. With the combination of the two, I would think you could be in very high demand. ...I know when I worked with special needs kids, I came across so many parents who needed a break, but felt they couldn't even take 2 hours for themselves out of guilt or concern for their child's wellbeing. You would be perfect to help them bridge the gap.

On a lighter note, I'm glad to see you back and posting; I hope to see you both at the meetup again this year. Take care, and we'll be thinkin' of ya.

 

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[BeingChewsie]

If you are only looking to free up $1000/month at best, I would stay put.

Just a quick reply to this one..the forum decided to eat my very long reply to everyone on this thread but I will retype it after charlie brown's thanksgiving is over.

It isn't freeing up $1,000 a month it is freeing up $5,000+ a month...maybe more but for the time being I'll be firm on $5,000 a month becoming free if we moved into the house but huge major decisions regarding the kiddo and the education issues...and on that note I'll be back

Sue

 

[BeingChewsie]

Tread carefully ... this is a Life Altering Choice. These decisions will impact your life forever, as well as your child.

Based on your description, it sounds like you don't want to move. I'd go with that feeling (if its true). Having lived in Chicago, I can tell you it isn't a piece of cake, and the expenses aren't far behind California. Did you know the city has the highest tax rate in the country? And the schools do suck, at least when I lived there. I fear there could be a high price to pay for your child.

If it were me, I'd consider renting the house or selling it before moving there. If you are set on a move, I'd consider a state with less taxes and lower cost of living -- Arizona, Texas, MS, FL, SD, etc. You might be able to achieve the same objectives after considering the long term costs (Moving, Bad Schools and the effects, Taxes, etc.)

Thanks MJ, I agree this has far reaching implications we are just trying to sort out if the short term costs are worth a potential long term gain for all of us...if we could work out the school issue it would make sense..even with the tax issue..we owe next to nothing on the house, even with taxes, insurance, and utilities the place runs under $700 a month...it is a great rental and makes us some money but just trying to see if it has a better short term use to us. I'm spoiled, I live in an alternate reality out here in Newport Beach, moving anywhere else to me is moving into the gates of hell, so it isn't Chicago I dislike, it is anywhere the other side of Pacific coast highway that I dislike . We will look closer at Arizona and Texas, our goal is to lower our expenses as much as possible for a period of time to free up capital to invest that we are now using to pay for a house here. Thank you for your feedback and we will proceed with caution which ever direction we decide to go.

Sue

 

[yveskleinsky]

It isn't freeing up $1,000 a month it is freeing up $5,000+ a month...maybe more but for the time being I'll be firm on $5,000 a month becoming free if we moved into the house but huge major decisions regarding the kiddo and the education issues...and on that note I'll be back

Sue

$5k/month changes things! ...Would you consider any of the options that I mentioned earlier?

 

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[BeingChewsie]

$5k/month changes things! ...Would you consider any of the options that I mentioned earlier?

Hi,

I would consider them and have in the past not something we can do here in this neighborhood in CA. In fact that is what I have been considering for the house in Chicago, since he owns that one. Especially interested in daycare..but all of that has to come behind my little guys education so if we can't solve that issue then we will stay put where we are in CA and just bite the bullet until he is out of high school in 8 years. I just wondered if anybody with kids had downgraded their lifestyle in order to free-up money to invest.

Sue

 

[biophase]

Being from Chicago and having visited Balboa Island many times I just can't imagine doing that. You mention that you're suburban city isn't even that great. The lifestyle change in going to be huge. Do you want to move to Chicago or are you only choosing it because you already have a home there?

What are you doing with your home on Balboa island? Are you selling it, renting it out? Why not just move to somewhere else in LA and rent?

 

[Jonleehacker]

Reading between the lines, here's what I'm getting:

You're feeling pressure and the first response to it is to shrink to relieve the discomfort. I realize it's easy from the outside, but here's what my wife and I would do:

1. Start by pretending that life is completely cooperative and describe EXACTLY what we want as if all we had to do was ask and it would be given without any effort required.
   
2. Next step, look at our desire and ask, "how can we make this happen?" and commit to going through the process to make it come true.
   
3. Be open to give up control and to receiving help from unexpected sources.
   
4. Take it step by step until the goal is achieved.

I'd consider this situation a test, will you act, even when things feel against you, from a place of empowerment, or settle for less than your dream life. If you settle, it becomes tougher to turn that momentum around.

 

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[Russ H]

Figure out a way to have your kid go to the same school, but live in a house that is NEARBY, but not as pricey.

Rent out the Chicago home.

Reading between the lines of your OP, what I hear is:

1. Your kid is thriving where he is, and this is HUGE (for any parent)

2. You won't like moving to anywhere else.

3. You are making the move in part from discomfort/fear of loss.

As Robert Kiyosaki's rich dad once pointed out, "I hear people saying to their kids, 'I can't afford to get that for you'. But what I say to myself is, 'How can I afford to get that for you?' And then I figure out how to make the money to do it."

-Russ H.

 

[BeingChewsie]

Hi Russ,

Yes he is thriving the school is fantastic. I moved here from Boston and if I never had to cross to the other side of PCH again I'd be happy. I'd say probably from discomfort, we'd like to take advantage of the current downturn in the economy and invest and it seemed logical to attempt to free up cash but if it hurts the kiddo that isn't fair. We will probably just stay here, I'm so torn I fear looking back in 5-6 years and being upset that we didn't just bite the bullet and scale back to free up those funds to invest. It seemed smart to free up $5k+ a month, that is a good chunk of change, that could be put to far better use than making my landlords mortgage payment but I understand what you saying and leaving here would not be something I'd want. More than likely we will stay here because the kiddo has to come first. Thanks for your input Russ!

Sue

Figure out a way to have your kid go to the same school, but live in a house that is NEARBY, but not as pricey.

Rent out the Chicago home.

Reading between the lines of your OP, what I hear is:

1. Your kid is thriving where he is, and this is HUGE (for any parent)

2. You won't like moving to anywhere else.

3. You are making the move in part from discomfort/fear of loss.

As Robert Kiyosaki's rich dad once pointed out, "I hear people saying to their kids, 'I can't afford to get that for you'. But what I say to myself is, 'How can I afford to get that for you?' And then I figure out how to make the money to do it."

-Russ H.

 

[BeingChewsie]

Reading between the lines, here's what I'm getting:

You're feeling pressure and the first response to it is to shrink to relieve the discomfort. I realize it's easy from the outside, but here's what my wife and I would do:

1. Start by pretending that life is completely cooperative and describe EXACTLY what we want as if all we had to do was ask and it would be given without any effort required.
   
2. Next step, look at our desire and ask, "how can we make this happen?" and commit to going through the process to make it come true.
   
3. Be open to give up control and to receiving help from unexpected sources.
   
4. Take it step by step until the goal is achieved.

I'd consider this situation a test, will you act, even when things feel against you, from a place of empowerment, or settle for less than your dream life. If you settle, it becomes tougher to turn that momentum around.

Thank you for the input. We will probably just stay where we are, even though it is the most likely the right thing to do, it makes me feel kind of sad, like I'm going to look back in a few years and think why didn't we just do it, we could of been in a much better financial place if we had.

 

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[servicefly]

I would like to start by saying I am a single father to my daughter so I understand the parent perspective. Also, my best friend and business partner has an autistic son of 8. He loves the school system in the Inland Empire (CA) because of their IEP programs. We are even working on an Autism Foundation, but I digress...

You shouldn't reduce your lifestyle if you have an ongoing business. Take a strong look at your business model and figure out how to increase your revenue stream by $10,000 per month. $5,000 just doesn't seem enough to improve your life.:smug2:

It can be done and the Fastlaners can help you. Tell us how your side business works and let us help you increase your bottom line. Many have branched away from Ebay to become millionaires, why not you?

 

[andviv]

If you are now paying ~4K or ~5k a month in rent then I'd assume you could buy a house given the current market conditions. It may not be beach-front property, but like Russ said, a close by location to disrupt the less possible your lifestyle. Would that work?

 

[BeingChewsie]

I believe as of right now we are not going to go. I know staying is the right thing to do for my kiddo even if it keeps us in a pressure cooker, the kids have to come first, and it is only 8 more years. Thanks everyone for the input.

Sue

 

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[BeingChewsie]

You shouldn't reduce your lifestyle if you have an ongoing business. Take a strong look at your business model and figure out how to increase your revenue stream by $10,000 per month. $5,000 just doesn't seem enough to improve your life.:smug2:

It can be done and the Fastlaners can help you. Tell us how your side business works and let us help you increase your bottom line. Many have branched away from Ebay to become millionaires, why not you?

Hi,

I'm sorry I have not been able to get back to this. I don't really have an ongoing business. I sell used clothes on ebay, I make about $800-900 a month and work at it at least 30 hours a week, sometimes more, it is almost a fulltime minimum wage job. I work part time as an RN, I work the max at it I can stand too. I can't figure out how to increase my revenue stream by $100 a month that doesn't involve me having to work more and I just don't have it in me..I hate what I do, everyday is another day of drudge work I hate. $10,000 a month sounds great I just can't work anymore in order to do that. I'm very grumpy and bitchy with my family 24/7 now I can't imagine what I'd be like if I worked more doing things I loathe. I understand becoming financially free requires sacrifice, I'm just tapped out in that department..I work two jobs I loathe, I keep our expenses as low as is possible here sans the rent payment which is cheap for here..I'm just truly burning out with no end in sight to the degree of sacrifice required, so Chicago sounded like a great escape to me.

Sue

 

[Russ H]

Sue-

If you move to the other side of PCH, you won't be on the ocean anymore-- but you'll be very, very close.

Aren't there any homes for rent that are

-smaller
-cheaper
-still provide the same school system access?

I'm guessing you could free up at least 2-3K a month this way.

Kid gets the great school, you have to walk to the beach (not a bad thing, really-- forces you to get out more often), and you have substantial $$$ freed up to invest ($24-36K/yr).

Here's an example of the kind of deals I'm seeing up here right now:

Sold for $360K in 2005.

Now listed for $84,900 (and still not in escrow!)

Undisclosed, Fairfield, CA 94533 | $84,900 | Fairfield Real Estate | 20807145

Home Value Graphs & Charts for 2207 Fairfield Ave, Fairfield, CA 94533 - Zillow Real Estate

3/1 Homes in Fairfield rent for $1000-1200/mo.

A 2 BR apt down the street rents for $800/mo:

2323 Fairfield Ave, Fairfield, CA rental property - Yahoo! Real Estate

IT's not hard to find a good deal right now.

20% down on $80K is 16K, leaving a $64K balance.

A $64K loan, fixed at 7% for 30 years, has payments of $426/mo.

(I did the above the other night in about 30 minutes of surfing).

-Russ H.

 

[Bilgefisher]

I may be echoing what others are saying. So lets brainstorm.

To Start:
-Your looking to stay in Southern California for your kid and for yourselves.
-Your job is grinding you down
-you currently rent which costs you 3-5k/mo
-you put in 30 hours a week in ebay making $600-$900/mo.

You need 3k-5k more per month.
-without extra time on ebay
-without extra time at work

-Is it possible to reduce the rent payment?
-Are there other items on ebay you could sell that bring in more per item or require less prep time?
-could you create your own online store to streamline purchases?
-you mentioned the house in Chicago is nearly payed for, is it possible to use some of those funds to invest in another rental property or three?


-this may sound backward, but is it possible to drop the ebay all together? It sounds as if the time/reward factor may be low. cost breakdown of
ebay is 120 hours $900/mo. $7.5/hr.
Assuming $20/hr RN wage. (I imagine its higher but I have no idea) Now with overtime that would be $30/hr. You would need to work just 30 hours per month to equal you ebay sales. That frees up 90 hours per month or nearly 22.5 hours per week. Yes I know you hate RN, but it sounds as if you dislike ebaying as well and its cutting into your downtime quite a bit. Imagine what those 22.5hrs/wk could do for your overall outlook on things. Just an idea.

Either way, please keep us informed.

 

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[Russ H]

Agree that for working ebay 120 hrs/month, $900 is = $7. 50 an hour.

You need to increase your $/hr--either by working LESS on Ebay and getting similar returns, or working MORE and getting HUGE returns.

Did you talk to Jill about her Ebay biz? If I recall she was making way more than this serving a niche market (but it also took lots of her time). And the niche may have dried up-- but I sincerely doubt it. Dressing well on the cheap is going to be *very* popular in an economic downturn, IMO.

For those that don't know, there are precious few homes between PCH and the ocean, along the entire coast of California.

It's some of the most expensive RE in the country.

So I'd think that moving a mile inland would save some serious coin, and not inconvenience your kid that much.

And trust an ex-midwesterner when I say that living even an hour's drive from the Pacific Ocean, the weather is WAAAAAY better than Chicago most any day of the year!

-Russ H.

 

[Jonleehacker]

It's some of the most expensive RE in the country.

Sorry to steer slightly off topic, but the most expensive real estate in America: your email inbox!

 

[BeingChewsie]

Either way, please keep us informed.

I will certainly try and do that. We still haven't come up with a solution that works. I lost my job last week along with all the other contract workers in my facility because they just couldn't pay us anymore so now I'm down another $3500 a month. We have tried to figure out a way that it works with us staying here, we found a cheaper place but even now that is out of our budget because I lost that income. I'm busting it trying to find another contract as a detox nurse here but they were far and few between here for me when the economy was booming. The gist is we now have between $3200-$4000 coming in a month, if we move to the cheapest place we have found in the district that puts us right at $3800-$4000 a month in hard expenses(Rent on that place is $2400 a month), excluding Robert's corporate business debts from his trucking company that went under which total $98,000...granted he has paid it down from several hundred thousand but we still have that $98,000 hanging over our head, and that doesn't include our HELOC payment on the house in chicago. No matter how we slice it we no longer make enough money to live here and we were just making it by the skn of our teeth before. I don't want Robert's credit to get trashed, he has worked so hard to pay that down and keep his credit scores excellent. I'm growing concerned about how the stress is affecting all of us as well...all Robert and I do is fight, like cats and dogs, we have been together over 5 years and never a cross word was said between us until money got tight, now we can barely look at each other. He feels like a failure, I feel like a failure, we don't sleep, we can hardly eat, now my little guy has started to feel the tension in the house and has started just moping about or trying to stay outside so he doesn't have to listen to us argue and fight..if we are not fighting it is because I'm crying and he just leaves me alone. I never thought our lives would become like this, there is never a moment of joy or relaxation for either one of anymore. I had a momentary contemplation of suicide this past weekend but of course know that is a cop out and not an option with my little guy. So right now I don't know what is going to happen, I'm going to keep looking for a another detox job and if I can't find one over the next couple months we are going to have to move or I fear it will tear us apart. I will keep you updated though. Thanks again for all the support.

Sue

 

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[GoldenEggs]

Sue, hugs to you! I don't have any advice or anything helpful to add; we're in a similar situation.

 

[AroundTheWorld]

Sue,

Excluding the biz debt (which you have a potential solution for) you guys are covering your monthly expenses. While I understand the need to advance financially, you won't be able to do that until you guys are able to.......

Focus on what you do have. Even though you have lost ground,

• you are still staying afloat on a monthly basis,
• you do have an answer for the biz debt.
• you have a plan for future income. Even though you are not sure how long it will take, it is still better than sitting and waiting for the sh&* to his the fan.
• your son is in a great place
• you don't have to face it alone. You have each other.

Once you relax into that knowledge, you can effectively act on your plan for the future.

My hubby and I are facing some big challenges this winter too. It is a huge lesson to face financial hard times head on. You really do learn the "important things."

So, while I know it feels really bad, you guys just need to make a conscience decision to get unstuck and take action. You do make enough to meet your obligations. You have each other, and you have possibilities for the future.

It is time to put your energy into your PLAN rather than into fighting and feeling badly about what you have lost. Learn to let go of the past and appreciate your every day moments. This frees you up and gives you the energy and time to pursue your plan. I say this because I have recently gone through this process myself.

And, this is nothing to feel like a failure about. There are many, many people in today's economy that are struggling. There are many, many successful people that have gone through very difficult times. RK had a business early on that failed. He was left with nothing (but the education he gained by going through the experience). Trump has had a failure or two as well. You have not failed because you are taking care of your family.

But you still could fail. You could fail to look at life from this day forward and take action.

 

[andviv]

Sue, I'm sorry you guys are in that situation.

What good is Robert's credit score if your life is ruined by trying to keep it afloat?

I am a believer on personal responsibility and paying what you owe. But you have to come first.

Call the lender/collector and tell them you can't make the next three payments. Start a negotiation or make more payment arraignments.

Don't lose your relationship and your peace of mind, and your sleep, just so you can keep a good credit score. Your family is the most important component of your life.

Start making calls to the lenders. Worst case scenario, they say no. Many are willing to talk and make arraignments these days.

 

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[servicefly]

Hey, these are make or break times, but know that there is a lot of opportunity out there. Here is the best advice I can give you with out telling any of my personal story: If you have a passion for something right now, force yourself to contact people who are successful in that industry. For example, if you like flowers and always day dreamed of owning flower shops, find a flower shop in your area where there are at least two or more and research the owner. Then contact the owner and take them to lunch. Learn everything you can about your passion from this person and repeat the process. Talking to people who share your passion and who understand how to become successful helps lift your spirits and gets your focus where it should be. Unemployment is increasing so starting or growing your own business is the safer bet. Go out and learn from successful happy people who share your passion. I went from homeless to wealthy in my last business doing this and it really works! Good luck, just know its not a matter of luck!

 

[yveskleinsky]

I'm growing concerned about how the stress is affecting all of us as well...all Robert and I do is fight, like cats and dogs, we have been together over 5 years and never a cross word was said between us until money got tight, now we can barely look at each other. He feels like a failure, I feel like a failure, we don't sleep, we can hardly eat, now my little guy has started to feel the tension in the house and has started just moping about or trying to stay outside so he doesn't have to listen to us argue and fight..if we are not fighting it is because I'm crying and he just leaves me alone. I never thought our lives would become like this, there is never a moment of joy or relaxation for either one of anymore. I had a momentary contemplation of suicide this past weekend but of course know that is a cop out and not an option with my little guy.

Sue,

Take a deep breath. And again. One more time.

Money can bring out the worst in people, but only if you let it. Make up your mind right now to not let your current circumstances divide your family. Maybe go to Robert and let him know that you believe in him, and in yourself and you guys as a team. ...I know I do. You have a special needs child that you have dedicated your life to. Anyone who has made the sacrifices you have is a person who has strength of character, and is someone I believe in. You are stronger than you realize right now.

Money will flow in and out of your life. When it ebbs due to circumstances outside of your control, it does not mean you are a failure, it only means you just have less money. ... Maybe you guys need to sit down over a bottle of wine and brainstorm some solutions. Can you live with family? Can you move into an apartment? Can you sell a car? Focus on what you can do, then start planning to move in that direction. (Keep in mind that everything that is happening to you right now is all part of your story. Any good story has a few chapters of struggle. You will make it past this, and you will be wiser for it, and if you play your cards right your family can be even closer because of it.

Give your brain a break from all the stress and go have some "fun" :smxB: with your man.

And you hang in there, your kiddo needs you. ... If you ever need to talk, or just want someone to listen, feel free to PM me.