What do I say to people if the past 3 years I have failed and done nothing else in my life?

[Mattie]

Haha, love how each of our quotes strung together flowed so well. Pretty much how many E-Books on Amazon are written these days.

Ha ha! Well we can all stand together one day at the Fastlane Seminar and speak some truth!

 

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[NMdad]

I am actually glad you posted because you describe EXACTLY how I have been feeling. Lots of life given up chasing dreams, lots of failure, lots of thinking about a future of regret and by no means do I get up every day chanting mantras or other bullshit like that. I am trying to accept this is part of it...and just keep pushing.

Sorry not really advice but just telling you others are in the same boat.

Amen to that: thanks for sharing. Those are really hard thoughts & feelings to expose to others. And chances are, most of us here have felt those things during hard times.

But remember, like others have said, people are generally not a-holes. And, if you tell them something like "I experimented with an XYZ business...", most will be curious & want to know more, and/or empathic & sympathetic (maybe they're tried & fail-learned too). Some will even be jealous of you--jealous that you tried while they haven't but have wanted to. Some will admire you for having both the courage to try something and to share your fail-learning.

The tail-between-your-legs shame comes from a limiting belief that you're somehow less-than.

Also, you'll probably find that when you say something that makes you vulnerable, 99% of people will themselves open up, support you, etc. You might expect criticism (that's the limiting belief talking), but the opposite tends to be true, people will support you--like they are here--and you'll feel unburdened.

 

[thore]

This is more a battle with yourself. The external world doesn't necessarily know what you've succeeded at or failed at in life. Trial and error is part of the process. Lets say you had a slow lane job or even a side walk job, they think the same way. They have failed, made mistakes. They've won some and lost some. If you're in the fast lane, you've won some and lost some. This is the illusion. No matter where you stand in life at any position, you will have the same experience of evaluating your losses against your winnings. And the best way to get stuck is focusing on all the things that didn't work out. The money you've lost. Whatever you've lost along the way, you're exchanging it for something new. The experience is always dropping something and picking up something new. Nothing ever stays the same. The world is constantly evolving, upgrading, and of course, like M.J. stated, you never retire from education.

I haven't exactly spoke with a lot of people either for the last five years, and going back home this year. I'm nothing like when I left. And fortunately, its just listening to them, being polite, and allowing them to be where they are consciously, learning what they are. My world will never be about their world. Their world will never be about my world. I expect a lot of opposition for they're not going to agree with me anymore than they ever have. The difference is, I know where I begin and where they end in my experience. Know thyself. Opinions are opinions. The opposition is learning from you. This is how you react or respond in the situation. This is also how you handle words. All of us are different in here, and of course we don't all agree. It's really not any different with them. You meet people where they are, find common ground, and try to find something you can relate. This doesn't always work, but if you're day and night, you just see life differently. Find like minded people you can collaborate with. There's a huge ocean of fish out there, we make it limited from our perspective. There's billion's of people on the planet, and we get stuck on the "Small Speck". That's like looking in the galaxy and focusing on one star, and ignoring the rest of them which may be a better match at being a friend, business partner, romantic partner. When the right people come a long you just know they're the right ones.

I don't have a lot of friends, because I choose it that way. The five people you hang out with influence your belief system. I am picky, because I need to make smart choices. I've spoken with tons of people the last ten years, and probably only found a handful of people I really mesh well with on a regular basis. Out of all those people who come and go, I don't think about my failures. I don't even think about anything, but what's in front of me at the time when I speak with them.

The past is irrelevant. While the past choices may reflect on the present, the present is where you turn things in the direction you want to go, and by doing something now, you're building a better future. People come and go. People say what they say. People do what they do. Usually 95% of them rarely stick around in your life long-term. They're here for the moment and gone tomorrow. Those really invested in you will interact with you, get to know who you are personally, stick around long-term. Usually they're the one's who get you somewhere in life long-term. The one's I hang with, we help each other out, share resources, try to move together towards are goals, and don't judge one another. We're all different, have our opinions, and we don't always agree. Still we find things to talk about. We don't talk every day. We don't work on the same projects. We don't live in the same area. We're all working towards are goals. There's times we come together to share information and part again.

I think sometimes we take things to seriously, make it about ourselves, beat ourselves up, searching for perfection in human nature, and it doesn't exist. Perfectionism is something to exit out of, because it holds you back if you don't allow yourself to some lee way to make some errors or fail.

thank you for your words!!
I agree 100%
rep+

 

[YoungPadawan]

A wise man once told me, "Success is not a destination, it is a journey."

Everything happens in its own time. Here's an awesome quote I saw on @Vigilante 's podcast page:

"Obama retired at 55, Trump started at 70.

Sydney is 3 hours ahead of Perth, but that doesn't make Perth slow.

Someone graduated at the age of 22, but waited 5 years before securing a good job.

Someone became a CEO at 25 and died at 50.

While another became a CEO at 50 and lived to 90 years.

Someone is still single, while someone else got married.

Everyone in this world works based on their time zone.

People around you might seem to be ahead of you and some might seem to be behind you.

But everyone is running their own race, in their own time.

Do not envy them and do not mock them.

They are in their time zone, and you are in yours.

Life is about waiting for the right moment to act.

So relax.

You're not early.

You're not late.

You are very much on time."


You can't worry about your failures. It is an essential part of the entrepreneurial journey.

 

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[Flybye]

Lol, thanks. I mean the only thing I an talk about are my failures. But I don't want to mention them.

What failures? You have been doing a great job at finding ways of how not to do things.

"My first company had a learning process I wasnt expecting. Which is great because everything I learned I applied in my next company. The 2nd company had some real doozies that even spun other people's heads. But ya know what? That was great to. Ive been applying everything Ive learned into my next adventure, and Im expecting it to go really well." See how the word failure doesnt even need to be mentioned if that is what you are most worried about? Dont worry about how many times you fall. Concentrate on that energy that gets you back up and moving again.

 

[Joynoy]

I'm re-re-re reading Psycho-Cybernetics the updated and expanded version by Maxwell Maltz and might be worth a read for you. Dan Kennedy used to run the foundation before it was acquired by Matt Furey. There is a focus on experiencing life (taking action - fast lane) and our perception of our self image driving our output and potential. I'm personally trying to learn to take action vs. learning as an entrepreneur (I'm a wannabe) and I'm realizing I'm not big enough yet. I don't have the correct mindset. So I can't tell you how to level up there. I did however, build myself up to half a million liquid over about 6 years in sales starting with 5K in my bank account after a personal catastrophe. Blood sweat and tears making someone else rich by 10x to 25x that. I was given very little tools in the worst territory and when promotion time came they promoted the cronies. Life isn't fair and it never will be. BUT, it's more enjoyable to fight and take the wins than give up and wallow.

In Furey's introduction he says a few interesting things:

1. Even as I was embarking on this career, I felt that something was holding me back. There was this inner voice telling me I wasn’t good enough, that I couldn’t make it.
To be honest: First, I had no business experience. Second, I had very little money. And third, deep down I felt like a failure—even before I started. Imagine that. I wanted to succeed but felt like a failure.
2. I felt like a failure because I was reliving my disappointments, my losses, my setbacks, my failures. Each day, when I felt badly about myself, it was as if I’d rubbed my face in the manure of bad memories instead of showering my face with clear-water memories of what I’d done well.
3. You can be happy now as well as every single day you are working toward achieving your goals. When you discover happiness along the way—instead of expecting that you can only be happy once you’ve achieved a goal.

More on personal story from above... I was in an accident that derailed my life and career. It took at least 3 years to recover with a 1 in 12 chance of walking again before I rebooted. Felt everything the same way you did. I also held myself back in relationships and work. Went on interviews and was treated like I was lying and was in prison or rehab. I got in shape and socially I was able to have relationships with gorgeous way younger women like an NFL #1 draft pick despite living with parents and no job. None of them cared unless I did. (Previously 3 girlfriends.)

Eventually I found my match (12 years younger) and focused more on us leveling up financially. Looking back I learned that you need to jump in... move and experience. You have to at some point anyways. The quicker you just start moving in a direction the sooner better things and happiness will happen for you. You don't need to apologize.. you need to fing drop that inside voice/failure talk and move. Tomorrows tomorrow will eventually be better!!!

 

[Evriklia]

Quote :
<< I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking of making a few more >>
Unknown
Get your thoughts straight and keep walking !

 

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[sparechange]

What did you fail at? What was the business? What lessons did you learn? We’re you chasing money or actually providing value to people?

this is the most important post in the whole thread.

3 years is a long time, id bet the bank that you are money chasing.

 

[Get Right]

This a completely predictable phase in your development. I'm not sure you can succeed without going through it. From somebody that went through EXACTLY what you are, here are some thoughts that are closer based to reality:

1. 3 years is completely arbitrary. Extend your time horizon - 20, 30, 40 years. Lots of chances, am I right!

2. You haven't failed anything, you've learned. You've received feedback, that's it. Untie the emotions. BTW - I detailed 7 or so of my "failures" in another thread....that may be half of them. They make you much stronger.

3. Study the Golden Handcuffs more. It's one of the saddest things I can think of....and almost all of my friends are bound by them. Sure they are more comfortable currently but at what cost? It's tremendous and impossible to escape when they see the music stopping.

4. Happiness. It's important at this stage. You've probably neglected it as I did. Take some happiness tests online. Do some research, take a class and work on it.

5. Thomas Fuller had it right. "The darkest hour is just before the dawn".

PM me if you need a hand.

 

[Late Bloomer]

You don't owe anybody an explanation they can't use.
You don't owe anybody an opportunity to make comments based on their ignorance and bad faith.
You don't owe anybody a happy-faced version of genuinely painful experience.
You don't owe anybody a vote on your worthiness for a better future.

If there's someone you love enough to want to explore whether to make a lifetime commitment, these things should be discussed in detail.
For everyone else? You get to choose. Their curiosity, or their uncurious desire to put you into one of the predefined boxes in their mind, doesn't override your right to your own healthy boundaries in life.

Some polite ways to act on these ideas...

"I've spent the last few years learning how to build my own business. I found it totally twists your mind around from how I'd learned to think as an employee. I've been deep into issues like how to choose a market niche and how to make an operations system. I'm willing to talk about it, but I don't want to bore you if you aren't fascinated by this stuff. Want to hear about business? Or should we talk about the big game instead?"

"Y'know, I appreciate your thinking of some ideas there, but I realize this is specialized enough stuff I should really wait til I can talk it over with someone else who's in this kind of field. Seen any good movies lately?"

"Before I get into this more, I should warn you that some of it's been a pretty rough time. I have learned from the experience, but it's not all pretty. It's fine if you'd rather not go there now."

 

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[Late Bloomer]

I did however, build myself up to half a million liquid over about 6 years in sales starting with 5K in my bank account after a personal catastrophe.

I'd be very interested in your story, if you'd like to share it here!

 

[Ray Goslin]

"Doors Are Open To Those Who Continue To Knock" Take 15 mins to listen to this. A baby doesn't give up trying to learn how to walk. They keep going UNTIL they have success. This is for everything in life. Never give up. Continue UNTIL you have success. CARPE DIEM

View: https://youtu.be/42IYJ21W-Pk

 

[maverick]

The best moment to start executing was yesterday. The second best is today.

 

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[GoGetter24]

I have NOTHING. God before, I was hating on slowlane so much. When I got in entrepreneurship, I thought I was better than everyone else because they are all just dumb slowlaners/sidewalkers. Bunch of dumbfucks. Having this mentality, when all I have done is lose substantial amounts of money. sh*t is so f*cking embarrassing. I was f*cking touting this stuff before too. But haven't even gotten successful myself. I am no better than a slowlaner telling people how to make it in life. I actually kinda hate how I took action on fastlane, like it doesn't prove anything.

Thanks for this. Always valuable to have feedback from the other side to provide balance. Most just bow out and you don't hear from them. Business returns per hour of work operate on a power law, jobs operate on a linear curve, which is why observation & survivor bias is so severe in entrepreneurship.

People should still try it though. At the very least it would make them all appreciate their jobs a lot more.

On "nothing": no, you have your knowledge. Surely over that last 3 years you learned a lot. Try to describe exactly what it is that you learned. "I have 3 years of experience in internet marketing (adwords, ...), managing [people in profession x], branding, sales". Or whatever it is.

Other successful businessmen (the ~1 in 10 that become employers) will recognize the value of your work, as long as you can express it fully and swallow your pride and not cover up the fact that you failed. They know you now have 3 years experience, and a keen understanding of what doesn't work. As long as you are sat across the table from someone with a brain, and you fully express the skills you learned (and they're appropriate to that person's business), you can still repurpose those 3 years of experience into employment.

 

[Ray Goslin]

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.

– Aristotle

 

[Mr4213]

I did not read all of the replies, so I apologize if someone might have already said what I am about to say.

I know exactly how you feel man. I started my first business at 19 instead of going to college or some other pursuit.

The business ended up failing. Naturally, I will look back and think that if I would have gone to school instead, I would almost be done with my degree by now. But instead of that, it appears I have nothing to show for my life.

When I have those thoughts I immediately catch myself and remind myself that those feelings are a natural response. But its important to remember that it is a feeling and not truth.

Failing is apart of the process to the event that you want. Most entrepreneurs fail multiple times before they get where they want. Those are learning experiences that help you get better and you should not feel bad about them. It is very common and completely natural for entrepreneurs to fail their first time around.

But here is something you might like to know. I work at a job that requires me to come into constant contact with new hires before they go to work for their new company that hired them.

I meet college graduates every single day that just recently graduated and are taking a entry level job (that you can have without a degree) just so they can get their foot in the door and get a job. I am talking about people like mechanical engineer graduates taking basic entry level jobs doing something not even related to engineering so they can "hopfully" get the job they actually want.

That degree does not mean jack shit. It is a piece of paper. All of these graduates are willingly volunteering themselves to the game which we call the rat race. They are surrendering their life and desires to a boss that can choose to either care or not give a F*ck what they want. Why should the boss care anyways? He can easily replace you with the thousands of other graduates who are desperately seeking a job anywhere they can find one.

I guarantee the owners of those companies don't give a F*ck about trying to find a job anywhere that will take them. I guarantee the owners of those companies do what they want with their time. I gurantee that when those owners come to "work" its because they want to be there and not because they are forced to be there everyday.

Lastly, even knowing the above. I still think it can be hard to push those thoughts out of your mind.

What scares me personally, is not getting better everyday somehow. You don't have to go to college to get better. You can teach yourself new skills and hobbies that improve your value, so that way you don't feel like your stagnate and have nothing to show for yourself.

For example, I teach myself Spanish strictly because I want to do that. My Spanish speaking skills have improved a lot and now I have a very basic level of fluency. In a few months I'll be speaking even better.

So now when I think I have nothing to show for myself, I can say no that's not true. I spend time everyday learning a valuable skill that increases my value in the world. No matter what happens that knowledge cannot be taken away from me unless I stop practicing.

Every day that I study Spanish, even if I did nothing else that day, I am still better than I was yesterday because I improved in some way.

You should try to pick up a side skill you practice.

 

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[Dami-B]

I am trying to pick my life back together from going deep into entrepreneurship and having nothing to show for it.

I don't even know what to say to people I have haven't seen in a while and new people.

First step is to start making friends again...but:

They ask, so what do you do? All I can reference is my slowlane job and when they ask what I do outside of work, I give this dead blank stare because the only thing I can remember is me failing in business, but don't want to mention anything about business/entrepreneurship. I have literally done nothing in 3 years besides business. I mean NOTHING. NOTHING. When I give them this dead blank stare or quickly change the subject, people get turned off like I am hiding something (my failure in business), I just go quiet and the convo is dead. Then I don't make any friends.

I have NOTHING. God before, I was hating on slowlane so much. When I got in entrepreneurship, I thought I was better than everyone else because they are all just dumb slowlaners/sidewalkers. Bunch of dumbfucks. Having this mentality, when all I have done is lose substantial amounts of money. sh*t is so f*cking embarrassing. I was f*cking touting this stuff before too. But haven't even gotten successful myself. I am no better than a slowlaner telling people how to make it in life. I actually kinda hate how I took action on fastlane, like it doesn't prove anything.

Tiers of good life (IMO)

1) Successful Fastlaner in time frame < 3 Years
2) Slowlaner that actually goes deep in career
3) Sidewalker/Failed Fastlaner

Slowlane actually ain't bad this day in age, especially if you went into big tech. You could literally be a millionaire faster than a fastlaner. Because on both ends, there are years of sacrifice. But slowlane you actually get paid.

So...I'm stuck. Only you guys here can understand.

I honestly don't think it's any of their business what you have been failing at for the past three years.

There are millions of things to discuss aside business, there's family, hobbies, vacations etc.

Just be proud of what you were able to do, learn from it and move on to the next goal. Your next goal should be the concern; not what people think or your explanation to them.

 

[Kak]

The three years of "failure" implies that you think you aren't "on track" or some such nonsense.

The way I look at it. It's July 5th 2018 and you're still here. You're still breathing. You didn't die of poorness. Maybe some lessons that you've learned didn't turn into money, but you are three years wiser.

I have a business that has taken 6 years. Yes 6 years to totally materialize. It was dead for 18 months of those 6 years before I got a fresh investment. I have another company that is materializing after 2. I won't go into details, but thinking big requires sacrifice. The sacrifice and heartache you go through now is why you will be so generously compensated when you do crack it open.

Stay the course or don't, but this victim crap isn't doing you any favors. Ignore "normal" people and their expectations. Other people's opinions are usually bullshit conjecture.

 

[Kak]

Also, at the risk of sounding like a douche guru or Tony Robbins...

Let's redefine the word failure... You may lose some battles, but the war isn't over until you wave the white flag.

You decide what is and isn't failure.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Quote :
<< I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking of making a few more >>
Unknown
Get your thoughts straight and keep walking !

FYI note for everyone else... don't let the tulips fool you, I checked the IP addresses and this is NOT Tanisha.

 

[ZF Lee]

FYI note for everyone else... don't let the tulips fool you, I checked the IP addresses and this is NOT Tanisha.

Why the sudden poke at Tanisha? OP seems pretty solid, grammatically speaking.

 

[Longinus]

Why the sudden poke at Tanisha? OP seems pretty solid, grammatically speaking.

He was talking about this:

 

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[LynetteP]

The fact that you're calling them failures anyway is wrong.

I have come to realize that I've never thought of my failures as such- glad to hear this is the right way, lol. Discouraged sometimes, yes, but generally not thinking of myself as a failure, just the way I tried something didn't work. So I try something else.

I'm happy to hear all of the time frames that people have given- it is encouraging to me, as I've spent "only" a year so far pivoting.

To the OP, I've come to find that what we focus on is what consumes us.

So, focusing on "failures" will lead you to negative things. Focusing on what you learned will lead you to positive things.

I saw an interview years ago with one of the founders of SpareFoot. He was talking about what he learned from his time in an incubator in Austin. The takeaway from his mentors there was essentially "FAIL FAST. THEN PIVOT. Because you will fail. If you are not failing, as an entrepreneur you are doing something wrong." And he walked the talk- their original business model was entirely different than what it was when the interview happened. Same for most innovative (high value creation) businesses.

So what's the secret sauce to a successful entrepreneur? I'm thinking it's focus, habits, and mindset. Now to go swallow my own medicine, lol. I'm working on the first two...

Also, most people IRL aren't interested in your business ventures (not all, but most)- they are interested in relationships, sports, movies, hobbies, a good meal, but mostly, themselves. So if you are concerned about your lack of social skills/friends/etc., that's a completely different can of worms. For this I'd recommend the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People." The 8 word summary: if you want to be interesting, be interested.

HTH somewhat!

 

[MakeMoreMoves]

Thanks all, just me ranting. Didn't think this would get a featured.

 

[WJK]

I am trying to pick my life back together from going deep into entrepreneurship and having nothing to show for it.

I don't even know what to say to people I have haven't seen in a while and new people.

First step is to start making friends again...but:

They ask, so what do you do? All I can reference is my slowlane job and when they ask what I do outside of work, I give this dead blank stare because the only thing I can remember is me failing in business, but don't want to mention anything about business/entrepreneurship. I have literally done nothing in 3 years besides business. I mean NOTHING. NOTHING. When I give them this dead blank stare or quickly change the subject, people get turned off like I am hiding something (my failure in business), I just go quiet and the convo is dead. Then I don't make any friends.

I have NOTHING. God before, I was hating on slowlane so much. When I got in entrepreneurship, I thought I was better than everyone else because they are all just dumb slowlaners/sidewalkers. Bunch of dumbfucks. Having this mentality, when all I have done is lose substantial amounts of money. sh*t is so f*cking embarrassing. I was f*cking touting this stuff before too. But haven't even gotten successful myself. I am no better than a slowlaner telling people how to make it in life. I actually kinda hate how I took action on fastlane, like it doesn't prove anything.

Tiers of good life (IMO)

1) Successful Fastlaner in time frame < 3 Years
2) Slowlaner that actually goes deep in career
3) Sidewalker/Failed Fastlaner

Slowlane actually ain't bad this day in age, especially if you went into big tech. You could literally be a millionaire faster than a fastlaner. Because on both ends, there are years of sacrifice. But slowlane you actually get paid.

So...I'm stuck. Only you guys here can understand.

So, you've failed... so far. It takes 10,000 hours of experience to gain expertise in just about anything. I'd be surprised if you only took 3 years to find your way in the world. Life is about reinventing yourself continuously for the rest of your life. You sound young. You have many more versions of yourself to define and create.
About other people... It's not all about you, Dude! No one, but your parents, your spouse & your creditors, care about your failure. People biggest interest is in themselves. Pivot. Ask for advice. Ask them what they've been doing. They don't care about anything else.
Contray to your fears, you can easily deflect any questions.

 

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[luniac]

i've "failed" for 5 years now.
I've lost the day's battle more times than i can count when i wake up too late, when i have no energy, when shit just doesn't feel right, when i come home from the 8 hour office shift and i just dont wanna do more work.

and after every failure i think "ok now how can i fix this moving forward?" and i formulate a new approach and i try again, rinse and repeat ad nauseam.

Sometimes i make progress at a glacial pace, and it sucks a$$, it hurts to think about the hours i've wasted and how much more progress i could have made on my projects.

but wtf u gonna do? it is what it is u know.

I know if i haven't failed for 5 years, id be a completely different person today development wise.
By pursuing the fastlane, i inadvertently educated myself on the topics of health, philosophy, diet, business, marketing, psychology, etc

I haven't much cash to show for my efforts so far, but when i do, i know i won't waste it because ill be ready. i aint gonna be no lottery winner.

Keep going man, this is wat life is all about.

 

[WJK]

i've "failed" for 5 years now.
I've lost the day's battle more times than i can count when i wake up too late, when i have no energy, when sh*t just doesn't feel right, when i come home from the 8 hour office shift and i just dont wanna do more work.

and after every failure i think "ok now how can i fix this moving forward?" and i formulate a new approach and i try again, rinse and repeat ad nauseam.

Sometimes i make progress at a glacial pace, and it sucks a$$, it hurts to think about the hours i've wasted and how much more progress i could have made on my projects.

but wtf u gonna do? it is what it is u know.

I know if i haven't failed for 5 years, id be a completely different person today development wise.
By pursuing the fastlane, i inadvertently educated myself on the topics of health, philosophy, diet, business, marketing, psychology, etc

I haven't much cash to show for my efforts so far, but when i do, i know i won't waste it because ill be ready. i aint gonna be no lottery winner.

Keep going man, this is wat life is all about.

Education is very expensive. But, lacking education is a lot more expensive. Keep going. You'll figure out the key to make it all work for you. The issue I see that is most valuable in your post is you've learned to have a relentless nature!

 

[ZCP]

I fail every day. You aren't challenging yourself or pushing the boundaries if you don't.

 

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[SROWE85]

For me this image sums up your predicament.

You are either winning or learning. You only fail when you give up.

 

[Niptuck MD]

1. Stopping is literally not an option for me, even at times where I wished I could.

Superb quote; Same for me; If COLONEL SANDERS can make it to 65 dealing with all the shit he went through then us in our 20s, 30s 40s have no excuse. Law of averages will pan out and you will make it