Unhappy? Then pack your damn bags and move...

[MJ DeMarco]

I pulled this quote out from another thread on doing something that you wish you would have done sooner...

GOLD! - HOT! - What improved your life so much that you wish you did it sooner?

What do you think about that he might be happier, because you (as parent) are happier? Of course it has an effect on my kid that I am happy too, but in this case it was so obvious that he really needed the change too (but it has more to do with the Danish School system than it has to do with...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

Since my divorce 11 years ago I wanted to move away from my birthdtown, but for practical reasons (my kid was only 2 years old at the time) I stayed put…. Slowly I started to be more and more unhappy even though I chose to be near my family…

This year I did it. Took my kid an moved away and you know what? My kid bloomed within a week after moving… I thought the move was selfish need but after seeing how extraordinary happy My son became I realized it was the best thing for the both of us and I really wish I had had the courage to do that sooner than I did.

If you haven’t yet considered it, I highly recommend moving to a new city and a new culture on the other side of your country. Or hell, even expating to a new country if that is an option.

If you live in a shit country where emigrating is difficult, make LEAVING your priority. Forget the business stuff. What do you need to do to leave? Do you need a skill?

Don’t let “sacred cows” keep you immobile and planted like a tree.

A “sacred cow” keeps you planted with lame excuses like, “oh I grew up here, I can’t move.” Or, “my family is here,” or “My favorite football club is here.”

While family is important, most families are dysfunctional and many of them simply aren’t supportive of an Unscripted existence.

Moving to Arizona from Chicago was one the best decisions in my life.

If you have negative or uninspired history in a particular city, it can add significant mental baggage to your progress. Living in a place where you have struggled, failed, and lived unhappily is a mental burden, no matter how you want to frame it.

...Oh there's my old high school where I was bullied...
...Oh there's the intersection where I got into an accident...
...Oh there's my old best friend's house before he cheated with my girlfriend...
...Oh this is the route to my old job that I hated...
…Oh there’s the McDonalds I used to work at…
…Oh here’s the shitty weather that I can’t stand…
…Oh there’s my old neighborhood where my parents were divorced…
...Oh I hate shopping at that grocery story where I always run into my X-girlfriend...
...Oh there's that local park where the neighborhood bully beat me up...

Folks, STOP KIDDING YOURSELF.

There is nothing stopping you from moving. I moved to Arizona with $900 in my bank account. I realize that those with family, things are more complicated, but it's not rocket science. It's a matter of importance and prioritization.

Do you want to own a business? Or do you want a safe and secure job that keeps you mildly entertained for 50 years?

Making big decisions like this is on par with the big decision to become an entrepreneur.

You only live once. Yes, happiness is largely a choice. However, you can make choices that make the choice to be happy, much easier.

Make happiness a priority. Make choices that make happiness more likely.

Another way of looking at it... if you grew up in a home with a lot of bad memories, what the hell would you choose to stay there? Why do you want to be reminded of bad times? And if your city/home does a good job at reminding you of unhappiness, PACK YOUR DAMN BAGS and MOVE.

 

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[Mikeyyy]

I pulled this quote out from another thread on doing something that you wish you would have done sooner...

GOLD! - HOT! - What improved your life so much that you wish you did it sooner?

What do you think about that he might be happier, because you (as parent) are happier? Of course it has an effect on my kid that I am happy too, but in this case it was so obvious that he really needed the change too (but it has more to do with the Danish School system than it has to do with...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

If you haven’t yet considered it, I highly recommend moving to a new city and a new culture on the other side of your country. Or hell, even expating to a new country.

Don’t let “sacred cows” keep you immobile and planted like a tree.

A “sacred cow” keeps you planted with lame excuses like, “oh I grew up here, I can’t move.” Or, “my family is here,” or “My favorite football club is here.”

While family is important, most families are dysfunctional and many of them simply aren’t supportive of an Unscripted existence.

Moving to Arizona from Chicago was one the best decisions in my life.

If you have negative or uninspired history in a particular city, it can add significant mental baggage to your progress. Living in a place where you have struggled, failed, and lived unhappily is a mental burden, no matter how you want to frame it.

...Oh there's my old high school where I was bullied...
...Oh there's there intersection where I got into an accident...
...Oh there's my old best friend's house before he cheated with my girlfriend...
...Oh this is the route to my old job that I hated...
…Oh there’s the McDonalds I used to work at…
…Oh here’s the shitty weather that I can’t stand…
…Oh there’s my old neighborhood where my parents were divorced…
...Oh I hate shopping at that grocery story where I always run into my X-girlfriend...
...Oh there's that local park where the neighborhood bully beat me up...

Folks, STOP KIDDING YOURSELF.

There is nothing stopping you from moving. I moved to Arizona with $900 in my bank account. I realize that those with family, things are more complicated, but it's not rocket science. It's a matter of importance and prioritization.

Do you want to own a business? Or do you want a safe and secure job that keeps you mildly entertained for 50 years?

Making big decisions like this is on par with the big decision to become an entrepreneur.

You only live once. Yes, happiness is largely a choice. However, you can make choices that make the choice to be happy, much easier.

Make happiness a priority. Make choices that make happiness more likely.

Another way of looking at it... if you grew up in a home with a lot of bad memories, what the hell would you choose to stay there? Why do you want to be reminded of bad times? And if your city/home does a good job at reminding you of unhappiness, PACK YOUR DAMN BAGS and MOVE.

I fully agree with MJ. The environment you put yourself in plays a huge role on your mood. I myself currently live in Canada, though I've been focusing on moving to the Southern US from many reasons one main reason being the weather. I get bad seasonal depression and with it now being winter and the sun almost never coming out and having to deal with ankle deep snow. It's taken a toll on me.

 

[WillHurtDontCare]

Great post MJ

Aside from the things you get (better people, better weather, better money, etc) from moving to a new place, moving is also one of the best ways to leave your own baggage behind and ditch the parts of yourself that you want to move past.

 

[Bohemi]

I pulled this quote out from another thread on doing something that you wish you would have done sooner...

GOLD! - HOT! - What improved your life so much that you wish you did it sooner?

What do you think about that he might be happier, because you (as parent) are happier? Of course it has an effect on my kid that I am happy too, but in this case it was so obvious that he really needed the change too (but it has more to do with the Danish School system than it has to do with...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

If you haven’t yet considered it, I highly recommend moving to a new city and a new culture on the other side of your country. Or hell, even expating to a new country if that is an option.

If you live in a shit country where emigrating is difficult, make LEAVING your priority. Forget the business stuff. What do you need to do to leave? Do you need a skill?

Don’t let “sacred cows” keep you immobile and planted like a tree.

A “sacred cow” keeps you planted with lame excuses like, “oh I grew up here, I can’t move.” Or, “my family is here,” or “My favorite football club is here.”

While family is important, most families are dysfunctional and many of them simply aren’t supportive of an Unscripted existence.

Moving to Arizona from Chicago was one the best decisions in my life.

If you have negative or uninspired history in a particular city, it can add significant mental baggage to your progress. Living in a place where you have struggled, failed, and lived unhappily is a mental burden, no matter how you want to frame it.

...Oh there's my old high school where I was bullied...
...Oh there's the intersection where I got into an accident...
...Oh there's my old best friend's house before he cheated with my girlfriend...
...Oh this is the route to my old job that I hated...
…Oh there’s the McDonalds I used to work at…
…Oh here’s the shitty weather that I can’t stand…
…Oh there’s my old neighborhood where my parents were divorced…
...Oh I hate shopping at that grocery story where I always run into my X-girlfriend...
...Oh there's that local park where the neighborhood bully beat me up...

Folks, STOP KIDDING YOURSELF.

There is nothing stopping you from moving. I moved to Arizona with $900 in my bank account. I realize that those with family, things are more complicated, but it's not rocket science. It's a matter of importance and prioritization.

Do you want to own a business? Or do you want a safe and secure job that keeps you mildly entertained for 50 years?

Making big decisions like this is on par with the big decision to become an entrepreneur.

You only live once. Yes, happiness is largely a choice. However, you can make choices that make the choice to be happy, much easier.

Make happiness a priority. Make choices that make happiness more likely.

Another way of looking at it... if you grew up in a home with a lot of bad memories, what the hell would you choose to stay there? Why do you want to be reminded of bad times? And if your city/home does a good job at reminding you of unhappiness, PACK YOUR DAMN BAGS and MOVE.

Couldn’t agree more!

Just because they are family by blood, doesn’t always mean they are good for you.

But I must say that the moving part was easy enough, it has been the part of leaving the bad habits behind and beliefs behind that has been the most challenging of it. But it helps to surround yourself with new people, new environment and for me, new opportunitie.

The sweet irony is that I didn’t feel I could afford moving, but it got so bad for me to stay there that I realized it costed me more to stay. And within a month, I found a new place for my kid and the struggle I have had with building my own business seems to fade away and I see a whole new world in front of me (thanks to UNSCRIPTED thinking)

 

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[fridge]

MJ, being that your from the Chicago area, what places around the country do you recommend looking into to move? I plan to move in the next 2 or so years, but need to do some travelling and see what city I like best.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

but need to do some travelling and see what city I like best.

I visited 5 cities and checked them out before moving.

With my recent move to UT, I also visited prior to moving.

It's important that the city meets your needs. For example, I like UT now that I'm 50+. However if I was 26, I don't think I'd like it here as it is too slow paced and not a lot of night life.

 

[Hleegary61]

I pulled this quote out from another thread on doing something that you wish you would have done sooner...

GOLD! - HOT! - What improved your life so much that you wish you did it sooner?

What do you think about that he might be happier, because you (as parent) are happier? Of course it has an effect on my kid that I am happy too, but in this case it was so obvious that he really needed the change too (but it has more to do with the Danish School system than it has to do with...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

If you haven’t yet considered it, I highly recommend moving to a new city and a new culture on the other side of your country. Or hell, even expating to a new country if that is an option.

If you live in a shit country where emigrating is difficult, make LEAVING your priority. Forget the business stuff. What do you need to do to leave? Do you need a skill?

Don’t let “sacred cows” keep you immobile and planted like a tree.

A “sacred cow” keeps you planted with lame excuses like, “oh I grew up here, I can’t move.” Or, “my family is here,” or “My favorite football club is here.”

While family is important, most families are dysfunctional and many of them simply aren’t supportive of an Unscripted existence.

Moving to Arizona from Chicago was one the best decisions in my life.

If you have negative or uninspired history in a particular city, it can add significant mental baggage to your progress. Living in a place where you have struggled, failed, and lived unhappily is a mental burden, no matter how you want to frame it.

...Oh there's my old high school where I was bullied...
...Oh there's the intersection where I got into an accident...
...Oh there's my old best friend's house before he cheated with my girlfriend...
...Oh this is the route to my old job that I hated...
…Oh there’s the McDonalds I used to work at…
…Oh here’s the shitty weather that I can’t stand…
…Oh there’s my old neighborhood where my parents were divorced…
...Oh I hate shopping at that grocery story where I always run into my X-girlfriend...
...Oh there's that local park where the neighborhood bully beat me up...

Folks, STOP KIDDING YOURSELF.

There is nothing stopping you from moving. I moved to Arizona with $900 in my bank account. I realize that those with family, things are more complicated, but it's not rocket science. It's a matter of importance and prioritization.

Do you want to own a business? Or do you want a safe and secure job that keeps you mildly entertained for 50 years?

Making big decisions like this is on par with the big decision to become an entrepreneur.

You only live once. Yes, happiness is largely a choice. However, you can make choices that make the choice to be happy, much easier.

Make happiness a priority. Make choices that make happiness more likely.

Another way of looking at it... if you grew up in a home with a lot of bad memories, what the hell would you choose to stay there? Why do you want to be reminded of bad times? And if your city/home does a good job at reminding you of unhappiness, PACK YOUR DAMN BAGS and MOVE.

I moved from Michigan to Nevada, I miss the grandkids but hands down the best thing that I could have done.

 

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[Itizn]

I couldn't agree more. Ironically I am doing the exact opposite and moving back to my home city after living abroad for three years. That should be a different kind of interesting.

 

[Mikeyyy]

The sweet irony is that I didn’t feel I could afford moving, but it got so bad for me to stay there that I realized it costed me more to stay. And within a month, I found a new place for my kid and the struggle I have had with building my own business seems to fade away and I see a whole new world in front of me (thanks to UNSCRIPTED thinking)

Yea that's one of the things that was holding me down. The idea in my mind that I can't afford it, or that It'll set me back financially. Though in reality its not that expensive to move. I've meet many people who moved here from other parts of the world with very little money. So the only thing that was really holding me back was my mindset.

 

[Johnny boy]

...Oh there's my old high school where I was bullied...
...Oh there's the intersection where I got into an accident...
...Oh there's my old best friend's house before he cheated with my girlfriend...
...Oh this is the route to my old job that I hated...
…Oh there’s the McDonalds I used to work at…
…Oh here’s the shitty weather that I can’t stand…
…Oh there’s my old neighborhood where my parents were divorced…
...Oh I hate shopping at that grocery story where I always run into my X-girlfriend...
...Oh there's that local park where the neighborhood bully beat me up...

MJ didn't have any fun as a kid lol he kept getting cheated on and beat up

I drive around and think "There's the parking lot I smashed the ASU cheerleader" and "there's the guys house me and my teammates fired mortar fireworks at" and "There's that high school where I bullied all those nerds".

 

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[heavy_industry]

Pure gold.

Awesome post MJ!

 

[Simon Angel]

I visited 5 cities and checked them out before moving.

With my recent move to UT, I also visited prior to moving.

It's important that the city meets your needs. For example, I like UT now that I'm 50+. However if I was 26, I don't think I'd like it here as it is too slow paced and not a lot of night life.

Lol, you used to be a party guy in your 20s huh? I'm about your age - the latter age - and I go to clubs like once a year, VERY reluctantly. Though from where I'm from, we start partying and drinking at about 13-14 on average and go hard until around 20.

I'm literally disgusted whenever I walk into a bar or a nightclub. It's not like I can't fit in or anything like that - I'm just disappointed by the atmosphere and the majority of the people that reside in these establishments. It's like they're magnets for the most insecure dudes and the trashiest women in your city.

Anyway, I can relate to this thread. While I haven't recently moved cities, I did move to my own place - a very nice apartment away from family - and the autonomy and sense of peace have certainly been nice.

 

[Mikeyyy]

Lol, you used to be a party guy in your 20s huh? I'm about your age - the latter age - and I go to clubs like once a year, VERY reluctantly. Though from where I'm from, we start partying and drinking at about 13-14 on average and go hard until around 20.

I'm literally disgusted whenever I walk into a bar or a nightclub. It's not like I can't fit in or anything like that - I'm just disappointed by the atmosphere and the majority of the people that reside in these establishments. It's like they're magnets for the most insecure dudes and the trashiest women in your city.

Anyway, I can relate to this thread. While I haven't recently moved cities, I did move to my own place - a very nice apartment away from family - and the autonomy and sense of peace have certainly been nice.

Yea, that's why I started to drift away from partying and going to nightclubs. Just a bad environment overall. Used to get trashed every weekend with friends and only recently have I noticed where these choices where taking me. It was not down a path I wanted to go. That's why starting self-improvement was one of the best decisions of my life.

 

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[Simon Angel]

Yea, that's why I started to drift away from partying and going to nightclubs. Just a bad environment overall. Used to get trashed every weekend with friends and only recently have I noticed where these choices where taking me. It was not down a path I wanted to go. That's why starting self-improvement was one of the best decisions of my life.

Good on you man. I'm in touch with most of my friends from way back when, but it's clear to me that some of them will be in the same boat when they're 30, 35, etc. Every time they have to be an adult and take responsibility in their lives, they always take the easy way out - or worse, do nothing at all.

 

[Mikeyyy]

Good on you man. I'm in touch with most of my friends from way back when, but it's clear to me that some of them will be in the same boat when they're 30, 35, etc. Every time they have to be an adult and take responsibility for their lives, they always take the easy way out - or worse, do nothing at all.

Thanks for the appreciation. Yea I noticed that a lot as well. I see people who are 30 even 40 years old and they live like they're still 16 years old. No goals, plans or aspiration. They always "live for the moment" and it's clear that doing so will not bring you success in life. I don't wish to end up like that.

 

[Simon Angel]

MJ didn't have any fun as a kid lol he kept getting cheated on and beat up

I drive around and think "There's the parking lot I smashed the ASU cheerleader" and "there's the guys house me and my teammates fired mortar fireworks at" and "There's that high school where I bullied all those nerds".

Pretty much everyone goes through these experiences in high school.

 

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[Niptuck MD]

There's the parking lot I smashed the ASU cheerleader

Glad it was ASU and not WSU

 

[Johnny boy]

Glad it was ASU and not WSU

I've done that too. Antibiotics aren't too expensive though.

 

[mikecarlooch]

@MJ DeMarco

Great thread, I do have a question though -

The first time I did this, I moved out completely wrong and made a lot of mistakes.

I'm looking to move out again, this time in a much more calculated manner.

Do you have any tips on moving out in terms of preparation? For example, finding a good rent deal instead of getting ripped off, things to understand beforehand, etc..

 

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[Antifragile]

MJ didn't have any fun as a kid lol he kept getting cheated on and beat up

I drive around and think "There's the parking lot I smashed the ASU cheerleader" and "there's the guys house me and my teammates fired mortar fireworks at" and "There's that high school where I bullied all those nerds".

Chazz, is that you?

View: https://youtu.be/l4D5zScOFKU

 

[AmazingLarry]

100%

I don't know how people can spend their entire lives living in the same place without ever living somewhere else.

Its amazing how being somewhere new opens your mind up to new possibilities and opportunities, and gives you that feeling of being able to reinvent certain parts of yourself.

 

[Ross_102]

Another way of looking at it... if you grew up in a home with a lot of bad memories, what the hell would you choose to stay there? Why do you want to be reminded of bad times? And if your city/home does a good job at reminding you of unhappiness, PACK YOUR DAMN BAGS and MOVE.

This is very good advice!

I've personally moved from my home city to the capital, then from my country to USA, and then some years later back to my country. Each time I've felt so much more freedom and awareness of all the new possibilities that are now available. My guess is people just hide their insecurities behind excuses why they can't move and then stay unhappy for the rest of their lives.

There is a great movie on this topic - "The Revolutionary Road" with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet.

 

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[Private Witt]

Glad it was ASU and not WSU

I've done that too. Antibiotics aren't too expensive though.

Glad you stayed away from UW, antibiotics are useless in U District.

 

[Johnny boy]

Glad you stayed away from UW, antibiotics are useless in U District.

I never said I did

UW Seattle 2019 Holloween party. I dressed as a baby and these girls dressed up as 5's or something.


okay enough about me

Chazz, is that you?

View: https://youtu.be/l4D5zScOFKU

lmaoo livin the dream

 

[fastlane_dad]

I pulled this quote out from another thread on doing something that you wish you would have done sooner...

GOLD! - HOT! - What improved your life so much that you wish you did it sooner?

What do you think about that he might be happier, because you (as parent) are happier? Of course it has an effect on my kid that I am happy too, but in this case it was so obvious that he really needed the change too (but it has more to do with the Danish School system than it has to do with...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

If you haven’t yet considered it, I highly recommend moving to a new city and a new culture on the other side of your country. Or hell, even expating to a new country if that is an option.

If you live in a shit country where emigrating is difficult, make LEAVING your priority. Forget the business stuff. What do you need to do to leave? Do you need a skill?

Don’t let “sacred cows” keep you immobile and planted like a tree.

A “sacred cow” keeps you planted with lame excuses like, “oh I grew up here, I can’t move.” Or, “my family is here,” or “My favorite football club is here.”

While family is important, most families are dysfunctional and many of them simply aren’t supportive of an Unscripted existence.

Moving to Arizona from Chicago was one the best decisions in my life.

If you have negative or uninspired history in a particular city, it can add significant mental baggage to your progress. Living in a place where you have struggled, failed, and lived unhappily is a mental burden, no matter how you want to frame it.

...Oh there's my old high school where I was bullied...
...Oh there's the intersection where I got into an accident...
...Oh there's my old best friend's house before he cheated with my girlfriend...
...Oh this is the route to my old job that I hated...
…Oh there’s the McDonalds I used to work at…
…Oh here’s the shitty weather that I can’t stand…
…Oh there’s my old neighborhood where my parents were divorced…
...Oh I hate shopping at that grocery story where I always run into my X-girlfriend...
...Oh there's that local park where the neighborhood bully beat me up...

Folks, STOP KIDDING YOURSELF.

There is nothing stopping you from moving. I moved to Arizona with $900 in my bank account. I realize that those with family, things are more complicated, but it's not rocket science. It's a matter of importance and prioritization.

Do you want to own a business? Or do you want a safe and secure job that keeps you mildly entertained for 50 years?

Making big decisions like this is on par with the big decision to become an entrepreneur.

You only live once. Yes, happiness is largely a choice. However, you can make choices that make the choice to be happy, much easier.

Make happiness a priority. Make choices that make happiness more likely.

Another way of looking at it... if you grew up in a home with a lot of bad memories, what the hell would you choose to stay there? Why do you want to be reminded of bad times? And if your city/home does a good job at reminding you of unhappiness, PACK YOUR DAMN BAGS and MOVE.

Great post ...

Just like MJ, @NeoDialectic and I (along with a few others) made the move early in our 20s from cold, overcast, snowy midwest to sunny Arizona and we also attribute it to being one of the best moves of our lives.

While it did take away from family / friends at the time ---> it gave us tons of freedom, space and autonomy to help figure out our next steps in life, focus on building a business (s), and not have to suffer through another winter.

We left a lot of slowlaning buddies and influences behind (including family). Not to worry, I still got grief 2000 miles away constantly, but perseverance and mindset tops all.

Going on 15+ years here already, and it's tough to find a suitable alternative yet, but the mind always keeps wondering!

Awesome reminder to all!

 

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[MTF]

I agree with some of it.

Moving to a new place can help you put physical distance between you and certain triggers like bad friends, family members, places that remind you of something, etc. The change in climate alone can have a huge impact on your well-being. I know this firsthand as I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder and winter kills my spirit.

At the same time, wherever you go, there are things you can't get away from just by moving elsewhere. Many people feel that if they change their environment, magically everything in their lives will be fixed as well. But if you have some deep internal issues, the most likely outcome is that sooner or later they'll reappear in the new location.

Now, that new location may possibly help you overcome these issues more easily. But it may also not do much if your problems are 100% internal and require pure inner work.

 

[fastlane_dad]

I agree with some of it.

Moving to a new place can help you put physical distance between you and certain triggers like bad friends, family members, places that remind you of something, etc. The change in climate alone can have a huge impact on your well-being. I know this firsthand as I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder and winter kills my spirit.

At the same time, wherever you go, there are things you can't get away from just by moving elsewhere. Many people feel that if they change their environment, magically everything in their lives will be fixed as well. But if you have some deep internal issues, the most likely outcome is that sooner or later they'll reappear in the new location.

Now, that new location may possibly help you overcome these issues more easily. But it may also not do much if your problems are 100% internal and require pure inner work.

Spot on.

As the saying goes 'Wherever you Go - There you Are'

 

[Two Dog]

Living in the same place for 50 years is called jail.

 

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[Djo]

Such a great topic you brought MJ !
However I still Don't understand how moving to another place will contribute to succeeding my fastlane journey especially when being young and having no income sources.

 

[MitchC]

Moving to a different country is the single best decision I have ever made

I could have done nothing business wise after making that choice and still been way better off in terms of income and quality of life due to the opportunities, people, weather and incomes where I moved

I could have stayed where I was and done everything right business wise and I’d probably still be broke and my life would still suck

Even if I somehow made a more successful business there than I have here my life still wouldn’t be as good due to the people and the weather and the general poverty of the country

Also if you are going to move, you may as well move somewhere where it’s warm year round, there’s a whole thread about that already though

And if you’re moving city or state, you may as well just move country if you think it’s going to work out better for you

You’ll still go back home just as much, or as little, as you would if you were closer

Don’t pick a place that’s close, pick the best place for you