Hey everybody,
I was so anxious to start this forum, I introduced myself in a shallow way. Not sure who is ready to read all of this, but here is a really long text about how the past years have brought me here:
I am a 34 old girl (I say girl, because in my mind I still feel 21). I have always known I wanted to be an entrepreneur, I always hated working for others but the mix of a)university, friends and family educating you that what you need is a job b)society saying you are successful if you have a great position at a huge company and c) fear made me start quite late.
At 29 I fell into a huge depression and I realized that I just wasn't happy how my life was going, even though it was supposed to be going like that. I am great at marketing and branding, really good, so I decided to open a marketing agency. You can already imagine how it ended. It was my company, but I was everybody's bitch. Having an agency is the worst idea anyone can have. It's like having a regular job, but with more extra hours, more s*** and more stress. At that moment, my depression came back ten times worse, because I felt lost. I didn't know why, if I felt like having my own business was the right thing to do, I was feeling so miserable.
The depression became so bad, I ended up at my mum's (who lives in a beautiful house in Spain in a sunny place near the beach) doing therapy and taking care of myself. During that time, I began to study nutrition and also orthomolecular medicine (which I know for a lot of people is just bs, so I won't go into that). I started a blog in that area, hoping to help more women with different types of problems. The blog bloomed. After only 2 months, I already had almost 1,000 visitors a week and I knew that if I kept working, after a year, it could be huge and I could monetize it. But again, the SCRIPTED way of life brainwashed me....
I was offered a job launching UBER in Germany. Back then, UBER was the coolest company to work at and launching it in Germany a great opportunity (and everybody cared to tell me so), so I took it. I promised myself I would still keep working on my blog and keeping the lifestyle I had build, but after long work hours, going out for drinks to socialize and everything that follows, I soon forgot about the blog and everything I had been working for that year at my mum's.
Let me tell you, UBER was (not sure if it is anymore) a great place to work....if you just finished college. Especially if you haven't seen a lot. But if you are in your 30s and have already traveled and can afford expensive dinners, the brainwashing doesn't work that well. At the global meeting in Las Vegas I began to feel that something wasn't right. I decided I didn't want to be at UBER anymore. I wanted it so bad, I didn't even go to the party where Beyoncé was going to perform for us, because I didn't give a s***. I didn't care about Beyoncé, Las Vegas (which I hate anyway) or the drinks. I just wanted to leave.
So I left, I moved to Munich, I had a great idea for a product, but didn't move forward because a) I wasn't sure how to make it and b) fear (what if it doesn't work and I end up living under a bridge?) I decided to move back to Spain, because there I have my best friends, nice weather and a home that belongs to myself, so I don't have to pay any rent and begin with my idea for real.
And this is for real, just as if the universe would want it, I was literally boarding the plane, I was going up the stairs to enter the aircraft, when my phone rang and it was Amazon offering me this job. It was a great job. The type of job everyone with a SCRIPTED mindset would go "wow, such a good position" and it was really well paid. Everybody told me I should take it, this was too good of a chance. I could always quit if I don't like it. To be honest, I am the type of person who likes to take opportunities when they come along and this felt like a great opportunity. I mean, I had applied to Amazon three times before in my life for worse positions than that one and I always got rejected. So I took it.
I will someday start a thread about the sectarian work culture at Amazon. For now, let me tell you it't the kind of place people admire you and your CV, where you do extra hours without getting paid for them and where 70% of the people you talk to keep saying they hate it and want to leave, but nobody does. At least not for the first 2 years, because the bonus is just too attractive.
I have to admit, the first week I loved. I spent it in a fulfillment center and it was a great experience. To see how it works....crazy. I could also see what it looks like behind the scenes and it was an eye opener as to how much crap there is in the world that people actually buy. Wanna experience consumerism in its worst form? Go to an Amazon Fulfillment center. Amazing.
But after starting the job, I began to run on autopilot. My life consisted of waking up, going there, work, get tons of stress, work, go home, work again, eat, sleep. I became a robot, because I did not want to think about it, but this voice inside kept trying to yell at me "get out, this is not what you want or need".
I have never really been happy at any job, but this here is another level. I spent the christmas holidays in Spain with my family and I got sick the first night. Stomach virus. It usually lasts a day, it took me 4 days to recover. Mainly because my body couldn't deal with the stress and the life I was having. And it was that first night, while I was feeling like crap, that I got my FTE. I was feeling so bad and yet I couldn't stop thinking about me not having checked my emails for 3 days already and every time I thought about having to do that, I had to get up and throw up again. My body was practically telling me that this life was poisoning me.
The worst part? In none of my past jobs have I created anything of value. Even worse, I have the feeling all I am doing is somehow making people's lives worse.
I began to read the fastlane during the holidays and it was a great kick in the a$$. Exactly what I needed. The bad part is that I still need to wait 3 months until I leave, since my contract states that I have 3 months notice. But after this 3 months, I hope to never put myself in this situation again and I am determined to work hard on something that is mine and that actually helps people one way or another.
I was so anxious to start this forum, I introduced myself in a shallow way. Not sure who is ready to read all of this, but here is a really long text about how the past years have brought me here:
I am a 34 old girl (I say girl, because in my mind I still feel 21). I have always known I wanted to be an entrepreneur, I always hated working for others but the mix of a)university, friends and family educating you that what you need is a job b)society saying you are successful if you have a great position at a huge company and c) fear made me start quite late.
At 29 I fell into a huge depression and I realized that I just wasn't happy how my life was going, even though it was supposed to be going like that. I am great at marketing and branding, really good, so I decided to open a marketing agency. You can already imagine how it ended. It was my company, but I was everybody's bitch. Having an agency is the worst idea anyone can have. It's like having a regular job, but with more extra hours, more s*** and more stress. At that moment, my depression came back ten times worse, because I felt lost. I didn't know why, if I felt like having my own business was the right thing to do, I was feeling so miserable.
The depression became so bad, I ended up at my mum's (who lives in a beautiful house in Spain in a sunny place near the beach) doing therapy and taking care of myself. During that time, I began to study nutrition and also orthomolecular medicine (which I know for a lot of people is just bs, so I won't go into that). I started a blog in that area, hoping to help more women with different types of problems. The blog bloomed. After only 2 months, I already had almost 1,000 visitors a week and I knew that if I kept working, after a year, it could be huge and I could monetize it. But again, the SCRIPTED way of life brainwashed me....
I was offered a job launching UBER in Germany. Back then, UBER was the coolest company to work at and launching it in Germany a great opportunity (and everybody cared to tell me so), so I took it. I promised myself I would still keep working on my blog and keeping the lifestyle I had build, but after long work hours, going out for drinks to socialize and everything that follows, I soon forgot about the blog and everything I had been working for that year at my mum's.
Let me tell you, UBER was (not sure if it is anymore) a great place to work....if you just finished college. Especially if you haven't seen a lot. But if you are in your 30s and have already traveled and can afford expensive dinners, the brainwashing doesn't work that well. At the global meeting in Las Vegas I began to feel that something wasn't right. I decided I didn't want to be at UBER anymore. I wanted it so bad, I didn't even go to the party where Beyoncé was going to perform for us, because I didn't give a s***. I didn't care about Beyoncé, Las Vegas (which I hate anyway) or the drinks. I just wanted to leave.
So I left, I moved to Munich, I had a great idea for a product, but didn't move forward because a) I wasn't sure how to make it and b) fear (what if it doesn't work and I end up living under a bridge?) I decided to move back to Spain, because there I have my best friends, nice weather and a home that belongs to myself, so I don't have to pay any rent and begin with my idea for real.
And this is for real, just as if the universe would want it, I was literally boarding the plane, I was going up the stairs to enter the aircraft, when my phone rang and it was Amazon offering me this job. It was a great job. The type of job everyone with a SCRIPTED mindset would go "wow, such a good position" and it was really well paid. Everybody told me I should take it, this was too good of a chance. I could always quit if I don't like it. To be honest, I am the type of person who likes to take opportunities when they come along and this felt like a great opportunity. I mean, I had applied to Amazon three times before in my life for worse positions than that one and I always got rejected. So I took it.
I will someday start a thread about the sectarian work culture at Amazon. For now, let me tell you it't the kind of place people admire you and your CV, where you do extra hours without getting paid for them and where 70% of the people you talk to keep saying they hate it and want to leave, but nobody does. At least not for the first 2 years, because the bonus is just too attractive.
I have to admit, the first week I loved. I spent it in a fulfillment center and it was a great experience. To see how it works....crazy. I could also see what it looks like behind the scenes and it was an eye opener as to how much crap there is in the world that people actually buy. Wanna experience consumerism in its worst form? Go to an Amazon Fulfillment center. Amazing.
But after starting the job, I began to run on autopilot. My life consisted of waking up, going there, work, get tons of stress, work, go home, work again, eat, sleep. I became a robot, because I did not want to think about it, but this voice inside kept trying to yell at me "get out, this is not what you want or need".
I have never really been happy at any job, but this here is another level. I spent the christmas holidays in Spain with my family and I got sick the first night. Stomach virus. It usually lasts a day, it took me 4 days to recover. Mainly because my body couldn't deal with the stress and the life I was having. And it was that first night, while I was feeling like crap, that I got my FTE. I was feeling so bad and yet I couldn't stop thinking about me not having checked my emails for 3 days already and every time I thought about having to do that, I had to get up and throw up again. My body was practically telling me that this life was poisoning me.
The worst part? In none of my past jobs have I created anything of value. Even worse, I have the feeling all I am doing is somehow making people's lives worse.
I began to read the fastlane during the holidays and it was a great kick in the a$$. Exactly what I needed. The bad part is that I still need to wait 3 months until I leave, since my contract states that I have 3 months notice. But after this 3 months, I hope to never put myself in this situation again and I am determined to work hard on something that is mine and that actually helps people one way or another.
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