Questions about mind-set

[tjmaxattack1]

When I look at mind-set, I always let the past hurt me so much to a point where life is just not fun anymore. Yes I a college student who needs help in a lot of areas like basic entrepreneurship, how to start up a business, computer coding, and having the confidence of being yourself. My previous job really keen in the most important weakness that I have and that is being confident in myself. In life, I never have been confident in myself because everyone else was much better and have better lives than I do. I need mentors to help me out because I am committed to starting up a business while being a full-time college student. I really need a lot of help and would love to have any feedback (positive or negative or reality checks). I can answer any questions that you have about me. Thanks for taking your time

 

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[socaldude]

I always let the past hurt me so much to a point where life is just not fun anymore.

You need to change the way you interpret your past, at some level conscious or not, you think that there is ONLY one way to give meaning to your past or memories.

In life, I never have been confident in myself because everyone else was much better and have better lives than I do.

Self-Confidence is not something that you compare to others or compete with others. Self-Confidence is the level of trust you give to your own mind. Nobody else can give it to you the same way nobody else can make you rich. The same way a con man gets you to trust (confidence) in him is the correct semantic meaning of confidence. There is no such thing as 100% certainty only trust. Your mind is the basic tool you use in any situation whether its a romantic date, job interview or business meeting. At some level you think your mind is not reliable nor effective enough to handle the uncertainty of life therefore your self-confidence sucks, FEAR penetrates every level of your life because you feel incapable of handling the unknown.

Ultimately there is no easy way to build self-confidence just like there is no easy way to get rich or lose weight. You have to work on the level of understanding you bring to different activities in life. It requires effort, struggle and time. If it was easy then everybody would be doing it.

I really need a lot of help

So what have you done so far? Have you even tried? Where is the evidence of your effort and failure?

It seems to me like you need to be more independent and self-reliant. Nobody else can make you a success the same way others cannot breath for you, others can guide you in the right direction but they can't hold your hand. As far as i'm concerned all of the solutions to your problems already exist online or at the library, whats missing is your drive to go out and get it.

Nobody is coming to the rescue. I have been in a similar situation; depressed, anxious, lonely, broke. I got my a$$ up and searched for answers and meaning. I found them for free online or at the library or at a book for $10 at Barnes and Noble. It's all there.

 

[Will B. Rich]

You need to engage in self confidence building activities in college that you can draw back upon when you are able to start a business. My advice would be to spend the next 6-12 months working on things that will bring your confidence up and keep developing ideas to the point of being able to execute when you are personally ready to start your business. Here's some things I think you can definitely work on:

1. Be social. Join some clubs and show up to things. Assuming you are at a halfway decent school, you will find entrepreneurship courses or groups you can join. You may want to reread TMF though, it really has impacted me more than business courses. At worst, just start talking to people. Say hi to everyone you meet.

2. Go out into the real world. I didn't catch if you live on campus or not, but college often times turns into a bubble. Go out in the community and see what's out there. Try some meetup groups that fit your interest and go to one once a week. Worst case scenario, spend a night downtown at a coffee house for homework and inspiration. Just get your mind flowing. This is YOUR life. Make the most of it every day!

3. Don't be upset about a bad job experience. Nobody cares about jobs you've had at 20 and if it didn't work out. Most people here have been fired, told they suck, and generally failed. They've put it back together, started new, and succeeded big time.


Check out the Dane Maxwell AMA, I've been studying his work on overcoming limiting beliefs to help get over my hurdles that aren't too far off from yours.

 

[liquidglass]

Here are a few tips from a formally shy guy myself. Plus a little about mindset that changed my life.

1) You're in college join an acting class as an elective, it'll get you up and moving. it's something I did in highschool to get myself out of my comfort zone much to my peers surprise. And it worked!

2) Join a public speaking class. It'll force you to stretch your personal view of yourself and help you in the future when you're talking to people you might normally be intimidated by or to secure business deals.

Of course it'll be uncomfortable, what growth isn't uncomfortable to start with?

3) When I was trying to become more confident near the end of highschool and in college I studied a program called "double your dating" and one of it's suggestions had the biggest impact on me. I walked up to girls introduced myself and said I think you look wonderful, have a great day. Then walked off. I did it to build my confidence, but it got me a ton of phone numbers (this was back before facebook) You can try the same thing with any random compliment, you'll uplift their day and yourself.

It's true you can not build someone else up without raising yourself as well.

4) Everything in life is within your control. There are two methods of control. 1) You control your actions, how you treat people etc. 2) you control how you view experiences and your reactions to them. You going to let that random guy who cut you off in traffic piss you off all day or are you going to smile about it, figure he's having a rough day and move on.


You life is what you make of it, you can be whatever you set your mind to. College is a great place to experiment with this and new personality traits you want to take on. So have some fun. If you screw up it'll be forgotten and you'll learn a lesson.

 

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[AndrewNC]

The past is not real. It is only a collection of thoughts in your mind. The only thing real is the Present. Don't let the past affect your mindset negatively.

You have to go from external to internal. Don't look for outside validation and be confident with who you are.

This may not make sense now, but one day it will if you stick with this journey.

 

[Lakeview]

In life, I never have been confident in myself because everyone else was much better and have better lives than I do.

You have been given very good advice. How do you change your mindset? First accept you need to change your way of thinking. Then honestly answer these questions.

Is it true? ............No

Can I absolutely know it's true? ............No

Now, dig deep and you answer:
How do I react when I believe this thought?

Who would I be without the thought?

Be honest with yourself and you will experience a mind-shift that will develop into a can do mind-set.

Look up the book Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie
OR
I just gave you the 4 questions and do your own honest sole searching.

 

[beatgoezon]

Buddy, it's wonderful that you're looking to change yourself, not many people wise up and admit that they need changing.

Mindset and prespective are very important things in life.

Firstly, starting reading books that discuss things about mindset and belief systems that you have.

Secondly, start living life from a subjective point of view rather than an objective one, which means to start realizing that everything that you see, feel, believe about people, and observe are just reflections of what's already inside your mind. It doesn't mean anything, YOU give it all a meaning. This will boost your self confidence by tenfold as well as help you realize that all of life's circumstances have happened to us because OUR OWN BELIEFS, good or bad.

Start living subjectively and you'll feel a difference instantly in your day-to-day life.

 

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[timmy]

All great advice given here for you and all on the money. Also IMO it may be a mindset issue along with some complex self confidence issues. We don't just have these inferior complex issues. I feel we are thought them unconsciously perhaps .Thinking back twenty odd years ago ( when I was your age ) we were taught to shut up and listen until knokwledge from experience was passed to us. That in effect taught us to never think in the moment ( creatively) but in the past and/ or future nd to be so so thankful for any scraps of knowledge that happened to SLIP our way...Thankfully now with advances in technology and knowledge all that shit is gone. This is what I will tell my own kids when they are 12 yrs old................Just my own philosophy rant ..........."Have an open Mind on EVERYTHING ............... Think critically and carefully on EVERYTHING............. Learn from EVERYTHING......and surround yourself with likeminded people.........In so doing you create your own future. Wishing you success from creating your own future .............Regards Timmy

 

[tafy]

Great advice given here I gotta say!

I was shy and still am really, now I have good self confidence but still shy so yeah?

I would add that you need to do the things that really make you scared

For example public speaking, talking to girls etc

Just do it even if it sucks and u stink at it, you will improve with every shot. Get a job in sales where they pay on your performance, it will force you to get out there. Theres a lot more that I cant think of atm

Look at everything that happens to you as lucky, everything in your past that you think is unlucky or bad can be looked upon as lucky or positive. Change the way you look at the past and the unlucky things you think happened to you.

I had the love of my life leave me in college and cheat with someone I knew was sniffing around and broke my heart, now I look back and I am so fricken lucky that it didnt work out as I have met the perfect person and now a baby is on the way, thats why im desperate to getting some passive income sorted out.

Think of yourself as steel, the hotter the fire the stronger you will be my friend

GL dude