Mindset to have about dating while building a business ?

[minivanman]

I think you have all you need in your profile picture.

 

[Roli]

Hey Guys,

I have a question for you all who are building their business and it is a question about dating. I have been single for a long time (over 3 years) and I'm now building an e-commerce business so I feel like I should not worry at all about girls and keep focusing on the business and later when it'll be profitable and rolling better, maybe try to find someone, but honestly like you know, it is lonely being an entrepreneur and sometimes I feel that if you have someone who is there to support you in your journey, it can be a plus. At the same time, I'm sure that it can cause a lot of trouble too since you might feel guilty that you don't spend that much time with your girlfriend. What are your guys insight on this? Does having someone with you encourages you or you feel like it is slowing your business. Do you have any tips to get back on track when you are feeling lonely ? I know that MJ talks a bit about it in the MFL that his long time girlfriend ended up breaking up with him and that he spent time on dating websites when his business was doing well but I don't know if he ever felt lonely or if you have guys encoutered that as well ? Thanks a lot in advance !

Much love,

Claude

Thanks a lot,

Claude

Make sure she is a growth minded individual who understands about self-improvement, work ethic etc. and what ever you do, don't get her pregnant...

 

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[G-Man]

@Claude Roy Go meet some nice girls and blow off a little steam. Maybe don't lead with a picture of yourself hugging a sheep.

You're overthinking this.

 

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[SteveO]

Relationships take work. Building a business takes work. It is possible to balance them both but emotions must remain in check.

 

[SteveO]

I feel that if you have someone who is there to support you in your journey, it can be a plus.

It is like going into a partnership with someone. Every now and then a partnership works smoothly. I have been in many partnerships that I could not wait to get out of. Don't go into partnerships unless you need to. Keep your relationships as a relationship and don't look for business support from it.

 

[MidwestLandlord]

I would go on dates, but not "date" anyone. If that makes sense.

English to English translation:

Go get laid, but don't get serious.



(figured someone here had to be blunt about it haha)

 

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[minivanman]

lmao ^^^

i haven't got laid in over a year myself, still alive.
I hear chicks dig fastlaners.

Well thanks for making me choke on my Dr. Pepper

For my personal real answer... For years I always dated everyone I could. If the 1st date was good and I thought we had things in common and could get along then I would ask her out again. I do have a 3 strikes and your out rule. No sex by the time we end the 3rd date then more than likely it is over because we are not going to work out anyway. I also kept this in mind... I would never get serious with anyone that I didn't think was going to be a really long term thing because I always asked myself this.... what if I'm messing around with her and the 'right' one comes along and I miss the chance to be with her? So, while I pushed really hard to find someone, I'd never be tied down unless it's an easy 'thing' and we both have the same outlook on life, many things in common, get along damn near perfect and don't have to worry about trust one bit. Luckily after almost 100, I found the right one! Yay me!! Remember.... we are only here for a short while, make yourself happy. But do 1 thing.... NEVER change who you are just to be with someone else. It's up to them if they choose to change who they are to be with you.

 

[Jimyy]

Yes date! you are only young once! Dating is a skill like any other, needs to be honed

 

[JasonR]

Keep your relationships as a relationship and don't look for business support from it.

I think SteveO's posts here offer some good advice in a midst of mostly bad advice.

Lean on your friends for "business support" - that's why you have MALE friends and companionship.

For those saying that "chics dig fastlane" guys is code word for girls like guys with money. While, that is in true for many women, those aren't the women you want.

What it comes down to, in my opinion is priorities. When I started my business, I told everyone, including my girlfriend, my first priority was my business and everything else came second - including my job. She understood where I was coming from and respected me for being clear with her.

Yes, I do believe you can find balance between starting a business and dating, but you need to get your priorities straight. Have a date lined up with that hot chic you met, but you need to get something done for your business? That better be an easy choice for you.

 

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[JasonR]

I'm curious about how your dating goes now that you're on the fastlane. Are you meeting women that can match your level of personal development or does your wealth get in the way?

It's funny, I was just having this discussion with a friend of mine. It's very difficult to find women who can match our level of drive, self-development - and being able to do what I do - namely - building businesses and traveling the world. It's even harder when I'm in countries where the salary gap is extremely lopsided. For example, in many countries the average, living wage can be $300-600 a month, so an average middle income male making $60k a year is "rich" to them, let a lone a business owner making six figures plus a year.

The short answer is this: I need to SEEK out women who I can consider an equal. Entrepreneur groups, meet ups, etc. This drastically limits the pool of people I can date. As you can probably tell, I'm not the stereotypical "normal" person, which also drastically limits the pool of people I'm willing to enter a relationship with. The good news is that people in entrepreneur groups and circles are likely the people I will get a long with.

I have dated many women in "poor" countries, some wonderful women, some crazy, some golddiggers, and it becomes incredibly difficult to build a solid life with that person. I'm attractive to many of these women given that I'm white, single, have money (though I try not to broadcast that), which can and does attract women who aren't the greatest. I've had a lot of fun, but ultimately I try to screen these sorts of women out from long term relationships.

Yes, it has become more difficult to date. However, I'm not willing to settle - which I feel like many "normal" people do. I'm happily single, and would rather stay that way then to compromise my happiness and a lifestyle just to be with a woman.

 

[Millenial_Kid5K1]

As a man who was single for most of my 20s (17 to 26, to be exact), I can relate to that feeling of isolation. My advice would be to be VERY cautious getting into a relationship at the start of your fastlane journey. Since you are in a period of change, it's not very conducive to finding a long-term partner. I found this out the hard way, as my current girlfriend is slowlane to the core, and we face significant tension because of how we spend time. We were the perfect fit when we started dating, as I was an engineering student hoping for a long and illustrious career as an engineer, and she was a medical doctor in the research field.

Now, she prefers to spend her weekends cleaning her house, watching TV, doing trivia with friends, and reading fiction. Meanwhile, I prefer to spend my weekends working on my business. She always wants to watch TV when we're together, where I'd rather take a hike to balance my energy levels for the next bout of business building. It's a relationship that I believe can work and survive in the short-term, but it's hard to see it being long term. I'm looking for an eventual wife who I can have a couple of children with, and can stand by me no matter how far off the beaten path I go. She's just looking for a bit of fun and a feeling of belonging in the present(we've talked about this stuff.)

All that to say: If I'd known I would be embarking on this life-path which would involve significant changes to myself, I would probably at least wait until I'd made sale #1 before putting myself back into the dating pool. Even then, I'd limit it so as not to take up too much valuable business building time.

 

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[Argue]

Your main focus should be your ecommerce site.

Looking for a relationship right now is a distraction. When I say distraction, I mean going on dates, planning vacations, going to her parents house, going shopping, talking on the phone, pretty much investing every second of your time to your female partner.

Just like anything else, it's commitment. Instead of committing into dates, commit to building a successful business. What kind of ROI do you want?

A. Freedom and passive income.

B. A girlfriend and the same old slowlane lifestyle.

There's also balance but let's say you emotionally invest into a female you like, she becomes your first priority because of LOVE.

Besides, your sheep friend Colvin is sexy AF!

 

[windchaser]

Hey Claude,
I see this dilemma from a different perspective.
First of all, I wouldn't date just to have a partner in my journey or not date at all because it is a distraction.
If wouldn't date just to not feel lonely, at the end you can find support in many other ways and if you just wanna have fun, it is not difficult to find someone just for that and you don't need to commit to that person or that person to become a distraction.
But if you find a girl that you like and that inspires you and you think could be a suitable partner, I will not discard her just because you are too busy with your business. Ifor opportunity knocks into your door. Why not seize it? It would be Amsterdam stupid as letting go a promising business opportunity.
In my case I am married and my husband is an incredible resource of support, it is true we have similar aspirations in life and he does not cut my wings, opposite to that he is a tail wind for me.
Maybe I am a strange chick, but I have never followed the dating script (dinner, flowers, trivia, etc) and it does not have to be that way. I tell you, there are many women who also hate that script.
If you are going to date just for the sake of dating or dating a girl who is going to cut your wings I would say don't date, but if you somehow find a woman who inspires you and supports you, it could be a massive tail wind. Don't let go of that opportunity just because it is a distraction.

 

[SirPsychoSexy]

Easy come, easy go.

After the tides and storms, the only things that will be left is you, and what you built. This is my mindset. I focus solely on my well-being, my personal growth, and my ventures. My equilibrium should not rely on external factors I can't control. And what's funny is that with this mindset, my relationships improved greatly.

 

[JasonR]

Really? I would interpret that as "Women love a man who doesn't play by society's norms, and blazes his own path." By my interpretation I'd agree wholeheartedly, by yours not so much.

I've found the opposite. When you "blaze your own" path and don't conform to society, it typically alienates you from most people. It can be very difficult to deviate from the status quo - from the white picket fence, grand marriage, two kids, mortgage etc. that is the typical "American Dream."

I live a very different life than 90% of people in the world, and while to many women it's attractive, often times it doesn't attract the right type of women.

 

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[Claude Roy]

Hey Guys,

I have a question for you all who are building their business and it is a question about dating. I have been single for a long time (over 3 years) and I'm now building an e-commerce business so I feel like I should not worry at all about girls and keep focusing on the business and later when it'll be profitable and rolling better, maybe try to find someone, but honestly like you know, it is lonely being an entrepreneur and sometimes I feel that if you have someone who is there to support you in your journey, it can be a plus. At the same time, I'm sure that it can cause a lot of trouble too since you might feel guilty that you don't spend that much time with your girlfriend. What are your guys insight on this? Does having someone with you encourages you or you feel like it is slowing your business. Do you have any tips to get back on track when you are feeling lonely ? I know that MJ talks a bit about it in the MFL that his long time girlfriend ended up breaking up with him and that he spent time on dating websites when his business was doing well but I don't know if he ever felt lonely or if you have guys encoutered that as well ? Thanks a lot in advance !

Much love,

Claude

Thanks a lot,

Claude

 

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[luniac]

lmao ^^^

i haven't got laid in over a year myself, still alive.
I hear chicks dig fastlaners.

 

[Claude Roy]

I think you have all you need in your profile picture.

So true. Unfortunately, Colvin is in California and I'm in Florida right now. It is definitely a goal of mine to go back there and meet these animals again. They are definitely one of the main reason to why I want to make a lot of money, I want to give back to these awesome organizations that do awesome work for animals. I guess I have to focus on the great time that I had with them and be grateful for that instead of being sad that I'm a bit lonely now .

 

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[thehighlander]

Choose a partner who shares your values.

Relationships being work is BS. Maybe that's why the divorce rate is so high. The right partner will click without effort and you can be yourself around them.

A good partner can be a huge support in every way. A bad one leads to doom.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G870A using Tapatalk

 

[Almantas]

A woman is like a cat - chase her and she'll wrap your emotions and respect you with a middle finger. Be successful and tons of women will come pouring at your feet.

 

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[Joe Cassandra]

I'm contrarion from all the 'just go get laid' stuff.

I'm 29, with a wife of 5.5 years and a 2 year old. They give me purpose during the days when I feel like giving up. Having someone to share your despair and your joys with makes life more exciting/fulfilling.

I'm building a business around my lifestyle so I can spend more time with the people I love

Why build a business now hoping to get rich and then try and find someone...Love gets stronger when you go through rough times.​

I'll take a gander and guess *most* of the people advising you to 'go let off steam' probably don't work for themselves. They've probably never been in the position of needing someone they love when shit hits the fan. (and I don't mean mommy or your college buddy).

A good partner or spouse is worth it's weight in gold MUCH more than your drinking buddies.

I'm also betting MJ doesn't want the Forum to turn into 'locker room' talk.
-----------------
Just know this...

Finding someone is healthy and awesome. But, you'll need to slide the scale down on 'hanging with friends' 'doing X hobby.'

Everything's an opportunity cost. I recommend finding someone...but if you expect to continue any 'Friday night trivias' and 'Sunday bbqs at Billy's' while juggling a new relationship...chances are you'll fail.

I don't have many friends but that's because I only need my wife and kid right now as I grow.

 

[Waspy]

My business is my lady

 

[Mattie]

Polarization is good. What is extremely alienating to one person will be extremely attractive to another. If you're polarizing it simply becomes a numbers game to find someone who adores you.

Better to be hated than to inspire indifference.

I have someone who adores me. I've had lots of men adore me in life. It doesn't mean they're healthy individuals to spend a life with. You can be attractive to numerous men and women. Doesn't make attraction the reason why you should be with someone.
Animals are attracted to one another, it doesn't mean they stick together all their life unless they're a unique species.
Take perfume or cologne for instance, are your attracted because of pheromones or the artificial scent.

Attraction is always nice debate.

In actuality polarization is mirroring your own negative traits within yourself in the other individual. Fortunately, I'm in a different type of relationship then most. Two cultures, two different perspectives, conditioned by society in two different ways, and breaking out of the distortions of both. Breaking down cultural, racial, religious/spiritual, political, philosophical boundaries. A little bit more challenging than the average conventional marriage.

I think that's the point most people don't understand. The average relationship and marriage has trouble accepting the same culture. Conventional. And then everyone else who is unconventional and different ways. It pushes your psyche to adapt to another cultural entirely, learn a new language, see what they're conditioned to believe versus what you've been conditioned to believe, weed out the distortions and illusions of both, and learn to share equal power financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, and sexually.

To say relationships don't require work is quite a deception. I've never met a couple who was married fifty years that didn't grow together and have to accept differences, and learn to communicate effectively. There's always inner work to be done. The relationship wouldn't work if one of them wasn't doing inner work along the way.

 

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[Akeem]

V8Bill hit the nail on the head. Keep it simple so you can comprehend it better, why complicate something that's already simple? Don't fall for deception just because you feel isolated, lonely or in need of a more active sexual life, in some cases it can completely halt your fastlane plan altogether.

If it happens to you - fine but why would you go looking for trouble? Rent one if you have to but be very careful who you invite into your private life. They can be awesome of course if you find the right one but what are the odds and what are the risks if you net a bad one that just looks good? I like when girls hang around because of the money; at least everyone knows where they stand. Money (or generosity) runs out - they run out. It's a good system that's worked well for millennia.

 

[Roli]

Hit and runs?

What if she get pregnant tho?

There are these revolutionary new invention, called condoms.

 

[AubreyJ]

So, I am a 23 year old female and I've been with my boyfriend for just about 3 years now. We started dating right at the cusp of my first business really starting to take form, and I really didn't think he and I where going to stay together due to myself being so absorbed in my business, and my boyfriend is not entrepreneurial minded at all.

Now, 3 years later we are still together and we are the best we've been. We had our ups and downs through this journey, and the fact that I am an entrepreneur and he is fine with his 9-5 life has made things tough in the past. But, he is also someone who is ridiculously supportive and is perfectly comfortable with taking the backseat to my career sometimes (which is hard to find with guys in their early to mid 20s)

Looking at my situation, and my relationship- I don't think I would ever seek out a relationship while starting a business. Have fun, don't commit, enjoy this time and use it to really work hard. BUT, if a great person falls into your lap, certainly don't turn it down just because you are starting a business.

 

[Evil_Jester]

Social momentum will help inspire you. The last 1.5 years I quit going out, got a gf on accident at that time, and now for the first time ever I'm losing motivation.
I'm going to start going out on Friday nights with friends and meet new people. Trust me, going out and meeting hot girls will inspire you to work hard. Staying isolated will drive you nuts

 

[JWelch]

I would go on dates, but not "date" anyone. If that makes sense. Let a girl know up front you've got important shit going on and you don't want to be distracted. When you have the time, you have the time but getting emotionally involved has the potential to really throw a monkey wrench in your whole business. If you're in the building phase in my opinion your focus needs to be on that and chicks on the back burner except when you have a few hours to spare.

 

[Christopher777]

Hey Guys,

I have a question for you all who are building their business and it is a question about dating. I have been single for a long time (over 3 years) and I'm now building an e-commerce business so I feel like I should not worry at all about girls and keep focusing on the business and later when it'll be profitable and rolling better, maybe try to find someone, but honestly like you know, it is lonely being an entrepreneur and sometimes I feel that if you have someone who is there to support you in your journey, it can be a plus. At the same time, I'm sure that it can cause a lot of trouble too since you might feel guilty that you don't spend that much time with your girlfriend. What are your guys insight on this? Does having someone with you encourages you or you feel like it is slowing your business. Do you have any tips to get back on track when you are feeling lonely ? I know that MJ talks a bit about it in the MFL that his long time girlfriend ended up breaking up with him and that he spent time on dating websites when his business was doing well but I don't know if he ever felt lonely or if you have guys encoutered that as well ? Thanks a lot in advance !

Much love,

Claude

Thanks a lot,

Claude

Haha you are quite lucky I saw this post. Just pm me and i'll help you out.

For me personally, it's ok to forget about this for now, since I mastered this skillset early on. It's important to know that it's a skillset. Just start talking to people and GO OUT. Meet friends, and go where the women are. And most importantly HAVE FUN.

In your case, you can do it intermittently since you're focused on business.

Take time off and consider going out blowing off steam and rewarding yourself for hardwork. It looks like you badly need it.

Here's the thing. Your situation is quite tricky. Why? Because women will flock to you the instant you GET RID of that NEEDINESS. It is subcommunicated. You can't fake it. It's true that value is an important part of the equation and you're working on that. It's true that looks play a part JUST A BIT.

But let me tell you something : It's all about your behaviors. It's in how you carry yourself, how you think and act around women.

Figuratively speaking, your Ferrari won't mean shit if you are trying to impress her by the fact that you have a Ferrari. That's neediness. This happens. There are guys like this.

It's subtle. It's counterintuitive.

But that's too advanced.

All you have to do right now is get someone to intro you or to simply go out and be social. Quite consistently. While still being able to focus on your biz. And from there, you will transform into a confident, non-needy guy. Then something will happen.

And here's a blatant reminder, you don't need a woman to fill that void. You can fill that yourself. If you can figure that out, it will be just like becoming the proverbial donut rolling down the hill in Ethiopia.

Good luck!

 

[MJ DeMarco]

for the first 5 years we were both well matched and slowlaners. I've since been exploring entrepreneurship and he doesn't disapprove but he doesn't want any part of it, so it's hard to see that we will work long-term. Very interested to see how your journey is going!

A partner who isn't open minded to your change cycle is problematic. Unfortunately there is nothing you can say to convince your partner, you have to be the change and demonstrate results in order to convert doubters into believers.

 

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