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O/T: HEALTH Mental Health and Physical Health Crisis

SturdySteel

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Apr 22, 2019
5
18
15
United Kingdom
Time to get this off my chest.

I'm losing the will to live - don't worry I won't commit suicide, but it certainly seems extremely appealing looking at my situation right now. Firstly, my mental health has taken the equivalent of 9/11 (the attacks): I've got to deal with abusive parents who'll try to circumcise me against my will, yet again, this summer - but I shall resist with all I have got. On top of that, I have to worry about being disowned, kicked out onto the streets or some daft state care home where gangs roam freely and where safety is a luxury if my parents aren't too pleased with my opposition to their plans. Then, I must toss in countless hours of homework and exam revision for my second batch of school exams in December/January time, whilst keeping this fragile order/situation afloat long enough for me to bail out of the nest at age 18. Now, this seems bad enough, being an A* student means there's heaps of expectations and work placed upon me, only for me to return 'home' - I view it as a prison to be honest - to deal with a collapsing situation regarding 'family' or my parents - whenever I utter those words, disgust and anguish fill my stomach to the brink, I view the local librarian far more favourably than these 'parents' of mine. However, that's not the end of my seemingly torrential downpour of woes. My physical health has taken a brutal beating - I'm 14 as many of you know - and I'd rather like to get fit and actually consume good nutritional foods, issue is my 'parents' cook meagre carbohydrate filled foods like pasta, rice and lasagnes, which I have no choice but to consume or go to bed hungry, and they place a huge batch in the fridge and don't even cook anything else. I've tried cooking for myself as well, issue is, the ingredients are not present whatsoever, and my 'mother' would pile on useless bullsh*t about how "Great and nutritional my food is, I am the best cook!", so I don't have cash to buy the ingredients, and I certainly won't get any aid from my parents. Obviously, due to a shitty diet, my immune system has taken a toll, I've gotten 3 bad colds or viruses in the past 3 months alone - plus, I've felt my strength just sapped from me. I'm skinny and weak now, brittle compared to what I was a few years back, it truly is painful to see. Combine these 2 major issues, and with no solution to be readily implemented which I can think of, I am quickly losing hope and the will to live, I am turning into a ghost, or a dead man walking - and I've been shattered to the point where I cry in secret, alone, whenever I look at my situation. I envy those who have luxuries of having a loving family, good mental health and no cares or worries in the world - where they can freely focus on education alone. I need help, and I need it before something worse happens. I have no clue on what to do regarding my diet, and I certainly am preparing for Armageddon in relation to my 'parents' and my relationship with them. If you have any advice, and I mean anything - especially regarding dieting and any dishes or foods I should eat, please, please, please state it below, you shall have my eternal gratitude. Thank you, and see you soon...
 

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ChrisV

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your nutrition can be a significant factor in your depressive symptoms... significant. a diet rich in carbs is notorious for that. try to get some protein when you can.. even if it's just string cheese or something you buy on your own

also:

 

Stargazer

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Can you talk to your Form Tutor or Head of Year?

Someone needs to tell your parents to back off (in a nice why of course)

Dan
 

flower_girl

Contributor
Jul 9, 2019
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I am sorry you are going through so much.

Is there a local food bank or church where you could ask for some good protein rich foods?

Any chance of fishing? Foraging for nuts in your area? Do you have any opportunity to grow high-protein beans? Would there be someone willing to share some eggs with you if they have hens?

Tuna, lentils, seeds...these are three protein rich foods which tend to be cheap to buy.

I know you're not feeling good but any chance of getting a job for even a few hours a week so you can buy some of these items?

I really feel for you. Please keep us informed as to how things are going.
 

Kruiser

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That sounds really tough. Sorry you are going through all of that. I have no magic bullet for you. Here's some thoughts, which may or may not be completely useless:

- pay attention to your images and language - "prison" "shattered" "dead man walking" - thinking in these terms is unlikely to help you

- exercise - I don't mean anything crazy or super vigorous. Going for a 15 minute walk can do wonders for your mental state.

- nutrition - I completely understand the importance of nutrition. It makes an undeniable objective difference. Just make sure you aren't magnfiying its importance by telling yourself a story as to how carbs are the cause of all (or many) of your woes.

- parents - I don't know all the back story. Maybe they're horrible people. But maybe they are doing the best they can with limited knowledge and resources. Being a parent myself has helped me to become more understanding with the defects and limitations of my own parents.

Part of me wants to say "dude, you're 14. Stop with all the adolescent angst and don't take yourself so darn seriously." But maybe your situation is objectively horrible and such a comment would be unfair to you.

Finally, I assume you picked Hamilton as your avatar for a reason. He's always been my favorite American founder by far (even before the musical made him cool). He was essentially orphaned at 13 or 14 and went on to a key instrument in making the United States into the power it is. Anyway, the point is that 14 year olds in crappy situations can eventually rise out of them and do amazing things. Hang in there. Good luck!
 

SteveO

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and I've been shattered to the point where I cry in secret, alone, whenever I look at my situation. I envy those who have luxuries of having a loving family, good mental health and no cares or worries in the world
You don't want "no cares or worries in the world". That does not build you into the person that will be able to go out and conquer.

I can relate to you in some ways. My dad was never at home. My mom spent many years of our childhood in mental institutions. Rarely did anyone even cook for us. We would heat up frozen dinners, pull up a chair and cook up some non-sense, or eat cereal for 3 meals a day. There were four of us siblings. We were all trouble makers (especially me) in constant fights or trouble at school. Drugs, alcohol, robbery, etc...

My dad confessed to us that he did not think any of us would amount to anything. But all of us turned into responsible, well adjusted, and very mentally strong adults.

After I was booted from school, I moved out of my parents house at the age of 16. Never went back. I slept at friends houses or in a car under bridges. I found jobs that were not things people would want to do. Was molested by a stranger that I had to fight to get away from.

I thought I was scum on the earth. Many people around me reinforced that idea. But, I don't ever remember a time where I was not trying to better myself.

As far as the food goes, can you shop with your parents? Is that an option? If so, you could at least get some things that would interest you. Can you make a list of food that you could eat on the side?

I ate pretty crappy. Mostly junk food growing up. I don't remember getting sick or frail. Are you sure it is not your frame of mind? That seems to be what you need to look at.

Of course I don't really know much about your situation other that what you have stated. I wish I had some real advice to offer you. Perhaps cooperating with your parents would help. It has to be better than feeling isolated.
 

Bekit

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Time to get this off my chest.

I'm losing the will to live - don't worry I won't commit suicide, but it certainly seems extremely appealing looking at my situation right now. Firstly, my mental health has taken the equivalent of 9/11 (the attacks): I've got to deal with abusive parents who'll try to circumcise me against my will, yet again, this summer - but I shall resist with all I have got. On top of that, I have to worry about being disowned, kicked out onto the streets or some daft state care home where gangs roam freely and where safety is a luxury if my parents aren't too pleased with my opposition to their plans. Then, I must toss in countless hours of homework and exam revision for my second batch of school exams in December/January time, whilst keeping this fragile order/situation afloat long enough for me to bail out of the nest at age 18. Now, this seems bad enough, being an A* student means there's heaps of expectations and work placed upon me, only for me to return 'home' - I view it as a prison to be honest - to deal with a collapsing situation regarding 'family' or my parents - whenever I utter those words, disgust and anguish fill my stomach to the brink, I view the local librarian far more favourably than these 'parents' of mine. However, that's not the end of my seemingly torrential downpour of woes. My physical health has taken a brutal beating - I'm 14 as many of you know - and I'd rather like to get fit and actually consume good nutritional foods, issue is my 'parents' cook meagre carbohydrate filled foods like pasta, rice and lasagnes, which I have no choice but to consume or go to bed hungry, and they place a huge batch in the fridge and don't even cook anything else. I've tried cooking for myself as well, issue is, the ingredients are not present whatsoever, and my 'mother' would pile on useless bullsh*t about how "Great and nutritional my food is, I am the best cook!", so I don't have cash to buy the ingredients, and I certainly won't get any aid from my parents. Obviously, due to a shitty diet, my immune system has taken a toll, I've gotten 3 bad colds or viruses in the past 3 months alone - plus, I've felt my strength just sapped from me. I'm skinny and weak now, brittle compared to what I was a few years back, it truly is painful to see. Combine these 2 major issues, and with no solution to be readily implemented which I can think of, I am quickly losing hope and the will to live, I am turning into a ghost, or a dead man walking - and I've been shattered to the point where I cry in secret, alone, whenever I look at my situation. I envy those who have luxuries of having a loving family, good mental health and no cares or worries in the world - where they can freely focus on education alone. I need help, and I need it before something worse happens. I have no clue on what to do regarding my diet, and I certainly am preparing for Armageddon in relation to my 'parents' and my relationship with them. If you have any advice, and I mean anything - especially regarding dieting and any dishes or foods I should eat, please, please, please state it below, you shall have my eternal gratitude. Thank you, and see you soon...
Hey Sturdy Steel.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through.

I just read your intro post and your other post (entitled Mediocritate Delenda Est) to get a fuller context and understanding.

It sounds like you are really going through some tough circumstances, and it's hard to hold out hope. Keep holding on. You can make it through this.

Here are some practical ideas & suggestions for you.

1. Food
Eggs and canned tuna are good sources of cheap protein, and they don't take a lot of time or effort to prepare. Maybe you could just hard boil 8-12 eggs at a time and then eat two a day as a supplement to your diet until they're gone. Then repeat.

You will feel much better and have much greater mental clarity if you go gluten free. This is a simple excuse/mechanism to cut out the carb-heavy foods your parents are serving.

You might try selling your parents on the idea through an approach like this: "Hey, mom/dad, I've been experiencing some brain fog and I don't want my grades to suffer. I'd like to try an experiment by going gluten free for a week. I heard this might help." If they put up resistance to this, point them to the Biblical story of Daniel and appeal that it's only for a short time, after which you'll evaluate how you feel and then go from there. Cut out gluten for a week, and then at the end of the week, consume gluten again, and see if you feel worse about 20 minutes afterward. (You probably will.) Then use this as leverage to continue. Or run the experiment for an additional week to "rule out if that was just a fluke."

2. Self Pity
Self pity is poison. It'll keep you in a perpetual cycle of grieving your circumstances. I see a lot of self pity in your post. When you think of your parents, you feel self pity. When you think of your diet, you feel self pity. When you think of the expectations on you, you feel self pity.

Banish self pity.

This is hard to do.

But I think you've chosen the username "Sturdy Steel" for a reason. You've picked a great identity. Now live it out.

Start to look at all these circumstances as the galvanizing process for the steel in your soul. Embrace all the hardships as the necessary forging process. You're already sturdy. This won't crush you. You'll emerge into adulthood with a rare level of resilience if self-pity doesn't take you down first.

3. A two-question approach to challenges
I recently had a conversation with a wise older person who went through horribly traumatic stuff as a teenager. They shared with me that the following two questions kept them going in that season. As they faced every new challenge, they would ask themselves,

1. What if I pretended this was easy?

and

2. If I was someone who already knew how to do this, how would I behave?

4. Income
You need funds for food and for your eventual emancipation. Bringing in some income is going to go a LONG way towards helping your brain to feel rewarded and optimistic.

Can you sell stuff at school? I love this story about a guy who sold cinnamon toothpicks at school when he was just starting out. Maybe it's not cinnamon toothpicks, but it might inspire your own idea. A little ingenuity and picking up on what might be trending among your classmates, plus a bit of hustle and sales moxie could get you a long way towards building the skills that you'll use every day in your future fastlane business.

Do you have the option to accept online payments?

Can you use your writing skill to get paid in cash? For example, try to identify a few local businesses who have an email newsletter but they're not actually writing to their list on a regular basis. Offer to write their email copy for them. This is a big hurdle for a lot of local service-based businesses. They WANT to stay in front of their customers. They know they OUGHT to stay in front of their customers. But they're not writers. So they keep putting it off. You offer to give them something interesting and relevant every week that they can send to their mailing list. Share the copy with them as a google doc, and then all they have to do is approve it and send it out. Make it super easy for them. Get paid upfront. I'm a professional copywriter, and I believe you could do this with your current writing skill.


Keep your chin up.

Keep moving forward.

We're rooting for you!
 

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