Independence

[JJH]

<div class="bbWrapper">Not sure on the best way to format these posts (hence the one-word title), but I&#039;ll do my best.<br /> <br /> Up until about this past June, I have not been in a good headspace. I went through a depressive spell for around ten months where I felt completely lost and worthless. I have shed the feeling of worthlessness, though the purposeless feeling remains. After consuming different self-improvement media over the course of this year, one problem has consistently come up:<br /> <br /> <b>&quot;Do I move out of my parents&#039; home?&quot;</b><br /> <br /> So far, I have leaned towards the side that says &quot;Move Out&quot;. However, I have heard many conflicting voices saying that my ego is telling me to move out and that it is beneficial to take the ego hit and stay living with my parents. The biggest problem is that my parents have lived the Slowlane their entire lives and do not seem keen on even acknowledging the Fastlane. This lack of support is a big key in my thoughts of moving out. <br /> <br /> Another factor is that I see moving out as a way to force myself to find a way to survive without the help of mommy and daddy. I&#039;ve always stuck by the mantra of &quot;If there is a will, there is a way&quot;, and if I were to move out, there would most-certainly be a will to survive, less I sleep on the Sidewalk. <br /> <br /> Essentially, is my ego telling me to move out, or is this a serious move I should consider in this crazy game of chess? Any insights are welcome, and I greatly thank you in advance for even viewing this</div>

 

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[WestCoast]

<div class="bbWrapper">&quot;What keeps you safe, doesn&#039;t keep you alive&quot;<br /> <br /> <br /> FYI: you&#039;re 20. In the1940s, men 18-19 years old were storming the beaches of Normandy.<br /> <br /> If you seriously can&#039;t figure out the answer to such a simple question... <br /> I don&#039;t think there is any helping you.</div>

 

[heavy_industry]

<div class="bbWrapper"><blockquote data-attributes="member: 112497" data-quote="JJH" data-source="post: 1018966" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=1018966" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-1018966">JJH said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> is this a serious move I should consider in this crazy game of chess? </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote>Don&#039;t overcomplicate things.<br /> You clearly want to move out on your own and start living life. That should be the goal.<br /> <br /> Stop being depressed, because nothing good will ever come out of it. Start building skills, start building income streams, start being more organized in your thoughts and in your life, start managing your finances, and start making progress towards achieving your first goal of being independent.<br /> <br /> Don&#039;t blame your parents for being slowlaners (or for anything else), take charge of your life and do everything that you want to do.<br /> <br /> This is the biggest opportunity of your life, and the beginning of your adventures. So stop tormenting yourself with being depressed, and start doing things instead.</div>

 

[Joejordan95]

<div class="bbWrapper">It can be difficult taking the first steps and making a decision. You hear and read about people saying you should change your environment but then you&#039;ll have contradictory messaging like you said about dealing with your ego and staying home.<br /> <br /> Personally, I changed my environment and moved out a few years ago, into my girlfriends house with her parents and we&#039;ve since bought a house and live together in a completely different part of the country with no one we know around us.<br /> <br /> <br /> I would opt for changing your environment, making such a change can feel very freeing. If you&#039;ve ever changed slowlane job you&#039;ll know what I mean. Once you leave a place of work and incite some sort of change, you usually want to change other things but if you don&#039;t keep things moving then you just stagnate into your old patterns.<br /> <br /> <br /> Make a goal to move out, and keep doing the next thing</div>

 

[JJH]

<div class="bbWrapper">Thank you all for your input so far!<br /> <br /> <blockquote data-attributes="member: 632" data-quote="WestCoast" data-source="post: 1018973" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=1018973" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-1018973">WestCoast said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> FYI: you&#039;re 20. In the1940s, men 18-19 years old were storming the beaches of Normandy. </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote><br /> This is an argument I&#039;ve used plenty of times in the past, and I do still feel it holds true. We should feel lucky to be living today in the situation we&#039;re in now rather than living 80 years ago where we&#039;d all be in a warzone watching all of our brothers getting killed. I&#039;m glad that the worst thing I have to worry about in my twenties is the decision of whether or not to move out of my parents&#039; house. <img src="/community/imgs/emoticons/em-haha.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":happy:" title="Happy :happy:" data-shortname=":happy:" /><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <blockquote data-attributes="member: 107881" data-quote="heavy_industry" data-source="post: 1018991" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=1018991" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-1018991">heavy_industry said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> Don&#039;t blame your parents for being slowlaners (or for anything else), take charge of your life and do everything that you want to do.<br /> <br /> This is the biggest opportunity of your life, and the beginning of your adventures. So stop tormenting yourself with being depressed, and start doing things instead. </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote><br /> Looking back at my message, yes, I was definitely trying to put blame on my parents for not understanding and supporting my Fastlane aspirations. That&#039;s another thing with the ego taking over. Stop complaining about the hand I was dealt and start taking action for myself.<br /> <br /> <blockquote data-attributes="member: 99135" data-quote="Joejordan95" data-source="post: 1019001" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=1019001" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-1019001">Joejordan95 said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> Once you leave a place of work and incite some sort of change, you usually want to change other things but if you don&#039;t keep things moving then you just stagnate into your old patterns. </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote><br /> I felt this exactly when I left my job around the end of March this year. The environment did no good for me and I was running all of these negative feedback loops in my head. I got out and started this new job from home, but I&#039;m still working for someone else, and I feel myself slipping back into the same headspace as when I was in the other job. <br /> <br /> I&#039;m unable to move until about the end of October due to commitments with another group in the area. Until then, I will start to develop some skills that will help me help others, and I&#039;ll develop more clarity of thought and higher focus to ensure that I can take this next step head on. Overall, it&#039;ll still be a trial by fire, but as I said before, &quot;Where there&#039;s a will, there&#039;s a way&quot;. Still sounds so corny, though.</div>

 

[Joejordan95]

<div class="bbWrapper"><blockquote data-attributes="member: 112497" data-quote="JJH" data-source="post: 1019008" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=1019008" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-1019008">JJH said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> I felt this exactly when I left my job around the end of March this year. The environment did no good for me and I was running all of these negative feedback loops in my head. I got out and started this new job from home, but I&#039;m still working for someone else, and I feel myself slipping back into the same headspace as when I was in the other job.<br /> <br /> I&#039;m unable to move until about the end of October due to commitments with another group in the area. Until then, I will start to develop some skills that will help me help others, and I&#039;ll develop more clarity of thought and higher focus to ensure that I can take this next step head on. Overall, it&#039;ll still be a trial by fire, but as I said before, &quot;Where there&#039;s a will, there&#039;s a way&quot;. Still sounds so corny, though. </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote><br /> October isn&#039;t long away - Start making plans today - start viewing apartment/houses/trailers this will at least get you out of the environment for a few mins each day or week. You&#039;ll also start re-affirming your decision to move out and you keep adding fuel to the fire and at least you re doing something different!<br /> <br /> Even if there aren&#039;t homes you like at the moment just go ahead and view it anyway - you&#039;ll get talking to realtors and maybe landlords and maybe even discover problems they have that you could solve</div>

 

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[Odysseus M Jones]

<div class="bbWrapper"><blockquote data-attributes="member: 632" data-quote="WestCoast" data-source="post: 1018973" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=1018973" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-1018973">WestCoast said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> FYI: you&#039;re 20. In the1940s, men 18-19 years old were storming the beaches of Normandy </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote>Most, if not all, still lived with their parents though.<br /> <br /> The takeaway is: living with parents doesn&#039;t exclude you from achieving.<br /> <br /> But if you want to do your own laundry, ironing, cleaning, shop and cook your own food on the off chance you&#039;ll have the privacy to bring a girl back, go ahead.<br /> <br /> Do the math first, the ROI on that is insanely poor.<br /> <br /> Better to rent a motel for the couple of times a year you&#039;ll score.</div>

 

[Zlatin Manahov]

<div class="bbWrapper">Firstly, sorry you had to go through a bad spell. It&#039;s a really tough thing to live knowing your mind is your enemy. Good for you for looking up and ahead rather than playing the victim.<br /> <br /> Have to say I agree with <a href="https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/members/76768/" class="username" data-xf-init="member-tooltip" data-user-id="76768" data-username="@Odysseus M Jones">@Odysseus M Jones</a> on this. <br /> <br /> You can still have start a business or work a job from you parents&#039; place. The money you will save from all the bills and such that you&#039;re not (entirely) paying will be the capital you use to fund your ventures/side hustles.<br /> <br /> Yes, it&#039;s a big disadvantage when it comes to dating and respect from others but understand that you have to make sacrifices. Imagine that in 10 years you move into your dream house all because you spent a year or two more at home and saved up.<br /> <br /> But honestly it&#039;s all up to you. Do you have money saved up for at least a few months? What is your relationship with your parents incase you stay? Have you explored living together with friends at least at the start?</div>

 

[JJH]

<div class="bbWrapper"><blockquote data-attributes="member: 111364" data-quote="Zlatin Manahov" data-source="post: 1019023" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-title"> <a href="/community/goto/post?id=1019023" class="bbCodeBlock-sourceJump" rel="nofollow" data-xf-click="attribution" data-content-selector="#post-1019023">Zlatin Manahov said:</a> </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-content"> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandContent js-expandContent "> Do you have money saved up for at least a few months? What is your relationship with your parents incase you stay? Have you explored living together with friends at least at the start? </div> <div class="bbCodeBlock-expandLink js-expandLink"><a role="button" tabindex="0">Click to expand...</a></div> </div> </blockquote><br /> IF I were to move out, I would only be looking for a rental, or perhaps a house hack. I&#039;ve got enough money to rent for the next 6 months for sure, but I&#039;ve always thought house hacking would be a better use of that money. <br /> I don&#039;t have a bad relationship with my parents, there&#039;s just a part of me that feels held back by them. Thinking more about it, it&#039;s mainly an insecurity thing on my end more than something my parents are doing. <br /> Living with friends is a good idea, but I don&#039;t have any friends who I would want to live with, honestly. Part of my journey is finding the friends who I can truly rely on and scraping off those who are doing more bad than good for me. <br /> <br /> What I&#039;m taking away so far from everyone&#039;s posts is that I need to start creating value NOW. Living on my own could light that fire under my a$$ and get me moving, or it could bog me down to the point where I&#039;ll be forced into the slowlane. Right now it feels like I just have to get my mindset right and start doing something, rather than thinking and doing nothing.</div>

 

[Johnny boy]

<div class="bbWrapper">It doesn&#039;t matter.<br /> <br /> What goals do you have? Do you have a business yet? What are you doing for money? <br /> <br /> Work on a business and accomplish your goals before you put any blame on where you live. <br /> <br /> I lived at home when I started my business. I was there until I was 22.<br /> <br /> Move out or don&#039;t. You have more important questions to answer.</div>