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I'm the BEST copywriter I know, why isn't my messaging working?

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GatsbyMag

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Hi everyone,

I'm trying to produce B2B messaging for my target audience (tech salespeople), I'm going to invest a lot of money in getting this messaging out, ultimately the market will determine how good the messaging is, but I know this forum has quite a few successful entrepreneurs, salespeople and overall clever marketing guys, and I'd like to get your honest feedback on my messaging/positioning statements.

When you read the following statements, what do they communicate to you? Do they make you interested in learning more about the product?
  1. Do you want to save time finding accurate contact info for your prospect list? Click here to find out more
  2. Why speak to the gatekeeper when you can speak to your prospect?
  3. Time spent gathering and verifying contact info is time lost exceeding your targets and making President’s Club
  4. How much time are you losing sending emails to the wrong address and calling expired mobile numbers? You can change that within 90 seconds.
  5. You pay $99 for tools like [competitor] but you get 99c worth of contact info. Start getting your money’s worth today.
  6. Tired of these inaccurate email and phone number collectors? Use [PRODUCT] to get guaranteed, recent and 100% verified contact info
  7. Do salespeople get paid to gather and verify contact information? Or to generate revenue? [PRODUCT] helps you do both
DISCLAIMER: I don't actually think I'm *the* best copywriter, but I reckon I'm decent!

Thank you all for your kind help with this!
 
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sparechange

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Why not just cold call people? Would be a million times easier imo

Offer a week trial and switch to a paid option, if someone says no to a free trial skip the call and move on to the next. Well, actually ask if they can refer you to anyone and maybe offer them a % of the sale?
 

GatsbyMag

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Why not just cold call people? Would be a million times easier imo

Offer a week trial and switch to a paid option, if someone says no to a free trial skip the call and move on to the next.
Good point, yes I'm definitely going to do that, it's a good way of testing messaging as well.

However I can't only do cold calls, not scaleable. What do you think?
 

FierceRacoon

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My impression — I am not selling B2B but know people who do.


Main problem: I have no clue what the offering is. Is it another source of data? Is it a tool to verify the correctness of the data? Is it a tool helping to search, such as a linkedin chrome plugin?

Regarding #1: "Save time finding accurate contact info..."
First of all, how can I save time doing something? I can save time NOT doing something or save time ON finding ..., but that sounds awkward. Then, if I save time, it is probably not going to be accurate. Nor is it that important to be accurate; 90% accurate will do.

More to the point, why would you have accurate info? Nobody does. It is always a tradeoff between more accuracy and more data.

#4 — no time is spent sending emails to the wrong number. And calling wrong phone numbers — I am not sure how much of a problem it is. If 90% are junk, yes, it's a problem. If 50% of phone numbers are wrong, I am not sure it's a problem at all.
 
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sparechange

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Good point, yes I'm definitely going to do that, it's a good way of testing messaging as well.

However I can't only do cold calls, not scaleable. What do you think?

Hire someone to do cold calls?
 

Stargazer

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'Wanna know more about your prospects than the FBI?'

Click here to find out how

PS: Crew Cut not required.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, so that is the sort of thing I would write. Little cartoon picture of an FBI character somewhere.

In UK it would be MI5 or Sherlock Holmes you get the idea.

And the last bit would be Raybans, Deerstalker Hat, Pipe whatever is relevant to the person I have chosen. No idea if FBI have a standard thing so I just put Crew Cut as an example.

Hope that helps in some way.

If you want to know what the next page would start of with when you click the link I will write that for you too.

Dan
 
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GatsbyMag

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My impression — I am not selling B2B but know people who do.


Main problem: I have no clue what the offering is. Is it another source of data? Is it a tool to verify the correctness of the data? Is it a tool helping to search, such as a linkedin chrome plugin?

Regarding #1: "Save time finding accurate contact info..."
First of all, how can I save time doing something? I can save time NOT doing something or save time ON finding ..., but that sounds awkward. Then, if I save time, it is probably not going to be accurate. Nor is it that important to be accurate; 90% accurate will do.

More to the point, why would you have accurate info? Nobody does. It is always a tradeoff between more accuracy and more data.

#4 — no time is spent sending emails to the wrong number. And calling wrong phone numbers — I am not sure how much of a problem it is. If 90% are junk, yes, it's a problem. If 50% of phone numbers are wrong, I am not sure it's a problem at all.
Thanks for this - I'll rework #1

#4 Is a problem because there's an industry built around solving the problem and unless you're in sales, it can be hard to understand how much time you lose dialing the wrong number and waiting for reception.

Thanks for the feedback
 

GatsbyMag

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Hire someone to do cold calls?

Cold calling is good but it doesn't make sense for me to only rely on this channel.

I made this thread because I wanted feedback on messaging which I'm going to use as part of my marketing plan - I'm going to create banner ads and videos using these messages.

This is a better investment of my time, because as MJ DeMarco says, this kind of marketing can be referred to as 'legacy' structure/content which works for me while I'm asleep.

And outsourcing cold calling in b2b rarely works. But point taken, will consider it as part of plan moving forward.
 

Andy Black

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Hard to judge an ad in isolation.

Can you show where these ads would display in situ?

How will they show in front of people?

What targeting are you using?

Can you call out the people who see the ad with a question? Personally, I like to come up with questions I want people to answer with a “Hell Yeah!”
e.g.
  • “Are you a sales person trying to do XYZ?”
  • “Sick of <problem sales people have that your product solves>?”

I don’t know LinkedIn advertising. How I’d approach this is:
  • Study them and their language.
  • Ideally find groups of them and join in and lurk.
  • Maybe try to help them where you find them?
  • Start split-testing targeting and ad combinations to learn what works and what doesn’t work.
  • It’s the targeting-as *combination* that I’m interested in, not just the ad on its own. (From the paid search world, my ad for “24/Hr Emergency Plumber” can be written beautifully but get no clicks if I target people searching for “car insurance”.)

As Gary Halbert said, the most important ingredient is a starving crowd. I focus more on getting the offer in front of the right people at the right time (than writing copy).
 
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GatsbyMag

Bronze Contributor
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Jun 20, 2016
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459
Hard to judge an ad in isolation.

Can you show where these ads would display in situ?

How will they show in front of people?

What targeting are you using?

Can you call out the people who see the ad with a question? Personally, I like to come up with questions I want people to answer with a “Hell Yeah!”
e.g.
  • “Are you a sales person trying to do XYZ?”
  • “Sick of <problem sales people have that your product solves>?”

I don’t know LinkedIn advertising. How I’d approach this is:
  • Study them and their language.
  • Ideally find groups of them and join in and lurk.
  • Maybe try to help them where you find them?
  • Start split-testing targeting and ad combinations to learn what works and what doesn’t work.
  • It’s the targeting-ad *combination* that I’m interested in, not just the ad on its own. (From the paid search world, my ad for “24/Hr Emergency Plumber” can be written beautifully but get no clicks if I target people searching for “car insurance”.

As Gary Halbert said, the most important ingredient is a starving crowd. I focus more on getting the offer in front of the right people at the right time (than writing copy).
Yes, I think this has addressed my situation perfectly, I'm focusing too much on tactics instead of principles. Thanks Andy.
 

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