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GOLD! How to stop getting abused by people?

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Olimac21

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Personally I would just ignore it because I do not think is worth it to take the energy to send him to hell or creating a big scandal by throwing him out of the house lol that being said if you get easily offended that will not be your natural/rational reaction.

Also lets assume you decide to get into a fight and the dude is black belt in some martial arts or just a psycho who is willing to hurt you with a knife or beer bottle lol. I read the other day something like " 98% of people will not get your vibe or simply like you" so just ignore them inmediately.

Remember though most of the times is about them, not about you.
 

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Kevin88660

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TLDR: Some people in life are particularly perverse and will abuse you and your kindness and when you realize it happened, it's too late.

How do you prevent this from happening?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The full story:

IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL POST. We are not arguing political views here, I just told the story how it happened. The rules of the forum say we cannot discuss politics. Please comply. Thank you : )


My roommate invited some friends of hers for dinner yesterday night. I joined them at the end of the dinner because I wanted to work on my projects.

When I entered the room, I said hi to everyone, and took a seat. What followed happened fast and without me opening my mouth.

My roommate started saying out loud that I had complained earlier that I valued things less when they were easy to get than when they were hard (because I got an internship in a praised political institution and while I was happy at first, I told her my realization that it wasn't as hard to get as I thought it would be decreased the value I hold in the internship).

One guy, which I had never met before, found that outrageous. He started a monologue:
"Yeah, but you know, you can complain of that because you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you f*cking capitalists. Me, I never had the right to not care about money. It's always there. I never even thought about doing an internship where you will do yours. This is why I had to work 15 years as a bartender. Where do you find the money to pay your rent? Huh? Where do you find it?"

I was paralyzed. I didn't know what to answer because I didn't expect to be attacked by someone I did not know...in my living room. I answered the truth, that I wasn't paying any rent at the moment because I was staying with a family member. That made him even angrier.

"Yeah, you got a silver spoon in your f*cking mouth, you have the luxury not to think about money, you never had to, you never will".

I started shaking. I stood up and told him to wait 2 minutes. Everyone saw I was angry. The atmosphere got tense.

I went to get my computer, came back and showed him a draft of blog post I had written. I wanted him to read the two sentences where I explain running out of money is my number one fear, way ahead of death and public speaking due to my money-tight childhood (why do you think I ended up on this forum lol).

Then he said "hey chill out, we're discussing, I am not attacking you or anything".

I was angry. I was really angry. I had let my guard down (I was in my own apartment for crying out loud) and had been attacked as a result. I walked straight into a trap that that idiot had laid for me.

It took me three hours to fall asleep that night, because I was angry at myself for having been abused so easily.

I figure that this type of abusive and passive-agressive behavior happens often where the stakes are high (politics, business).

What are the resources you guys use to deal with it? Physically I am short, 5,8, I am trying to build muscles so that I would commend a bit more respect, but otherwise, I am used to put out a mean face to instantly repel anyone that tries to mess with me (especially in the street since Brussels is a very dangerous city).

I didn't do it yesterday, and this is what I got.

Ordinarily, I am trying to be a nice guy, to help people, to give value. Some see it as weakness and try to abuse you.

How do you prevent it from happening?

PS: I talked with a friend today which was there last night, and she apologized for this guy's behavior, saying her boyfriend almost got into a fight with him last week.
Is he drunk?

I think you just need to learn some skills to deescalate things instead of getting triggered. Like how to deescalate without looking like he can do whatever he wants. “Well if I am rich and entitled then I won’t be sharing room with roommates and talking to people I don’t know right now. Respect your hustle for 15 years as a bartender. So how is the job... (topic diversion).” Basically you give a light jab of sarcasm at him and then end it with a praise to let him exit the stage with grace so that he wont get triggered and confrontational also. Policemen, diplomats and people who face media learn this skill on the job. Maintain civility but thinking “f*ck you you moron” and people who observe it can tell. Deescalate as much as possible until you cant. You look at the politicians they are getting people asking abusive questions to make them look bad everyday and they handle it well.

But there is also nothing wrong with how you handled. If someone comes to Your Place and tries to lecture and judge you without knowing what is going on, he deserves a lecture back. Since he started the topic, expect the debate with evidence.

It also seems that the guy gets triggered far more easily thinking everyone else owes him something just because he is not happy with life.
 
Last edited:

JordanK

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I think people on this thread are seriously overreacting.

A simple "Yeah bro, I'm the biggest baddest capitalist the world has ever seen! I actually just pulled up in my Ferrari, it's outside the door! The supermodels will be arriving shortly with the bottles and my suitcases of cash. If you are free tomorrow wanna come to Monaco and sail on my billion dollar yacht that I had my slaves build?"

Entire conversation is defused and everyone laughs.

You are also subtly implying that you won't be pushed around but that you are confident in your own self/position in life.

Any other response just reeks of insecurity.. if you start hitting him with facts or get super aggressive telling him to leave.. it's an emotional response which says a lot about you to other people.

I have run into this scenario multiple times especially being younger than you where a lot of the people my age are flat broke. It's an easy crowd pleaser to bash on the rich when they presume they are in similar company.

People who condescendingly ask me questions about parts of my life that are going well get stupid responses from me... "I'm an African warlord", "Part time Astronaut", "Donald Trumps Irish Cousin"
 

thechosen1

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A simple "Yeah bro, I'm the biggest baddest capitalist the world has ever seen! I actually just pulled up in my Ferrari, it's outside the door! The supermodels will be arriving shortly with the bottles and my suitcases of cash. If you are free tomorrow wanna come to Monaco and sail on my billion dollar yacht that I had my slaves build?"
Entire conversation is defused and everyone laughs.

You are also subtly implying that you won't be pushed around but that you are confident in your own self/position in life.

Any other response just reeks of insecurity.. if you start hitting him with facts or get super aggressive telling him to leave.. it's an emotional response which says a lot about you to other people.

I have run into this scenario multiple times especially being younger than you where a lot of the people my age are flat broke. It's an easy crowd pleaser to bash on the rich when they presume they are in similar company.

People who condescendingly ask me questions about parts of my life that are going well get stupid responses from me... "I'm an African warlord", "Part time Astronaut", "Donald Trumps Irish Cousin"
this is good too. I like the humor.

When someone complains because you’re a measly millionaire just be like “yeah man Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos are seriously threatened by my tiny a$$ $10 million business”

(my quotes bugged out on mobile, that was only @JordanK )
 

WJK

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TLDR: Some people in life are particularly perverse and will abuse you and your kindness and when you realize it happened, it's too late.

How do you prevent this from happening?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The full story:

IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL POST. We are not arguing political views here, I just told the story how it happened. The rules of the forum say we cannot discuss politics. Please comply. Thank you : )


My roommate invited some friends of hers for dinner yesterday night. I joined them at the end of the dinner because I wanted to work on my projects.

When I entered the room, I said hi to everyone, and took a seat. What followed happened fast and without me opening my mouth.

My roommate started saying out loud that I had complained earlier that I valued things less when they were easy to get than when they were hard (because I got an internship in a praised political institution and while I was happy at first, I told her my realization that it wasn't as hard to get as I thought it would be decreased the value I hold in the internship).

One guy, which I had never met before, found that outrageous. He started a monologue:
"Yeah, but you know, you can complain of that because you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you f*cking capitalists. Me, I never had the right to not care about money. It's always there. I never even thought about doing an internship where you will do yours. This is why I had to work 15 years as a bartender. Where do you find the money to pay your rent? Huh? Where do you find it?"

I was paralyzed. I didn't know what to answer because I didn't expect to be attacked by someone I did not know...in my living room. I answered the truth, that I wasn't paying any rent at the moment because I was staying with a family member. That made him even angrier.

"Yeah, you got a silver spoon in your f*cking mouth, you have the luxury not to think about money, you never had to, you never will".

I started shaking. I stood up and told him to wait 2 minutes. Everyone saw I was angry. The atmosphere got tense.

I went to get my computer, came back and showed him a draft of blog post I had written. I wanted him to read the two sentences where I explain running out of money is my number one fear, way ahead of death and public speaking due to my money-tight childhood (why do you think I ended up on this forum lol).

Then he said "hey chill out, we're discussing, I am not attacking you or anything".

I was angry. I was really angry. I had let my guard down (I was in my own apartment for crying out loud) and had been attacked as a result. I walked straight into a trap that that idiot had laid for me.

It took me three hours to fall asleep that night, because I was angry at myself for having been abused so easily.

I figure that this type of abusive and passive-agressive behavior happens often where the stakes are high (politics, business).

What are the resources you guys use to deal with it? Physically I am short, 5,8, I am trying to build muscles so that I would commend a bit more respect, but otherwise, I am used to put out a mean face to instantly repel anyone that tries to mess with me (especially in the street since Brussels is a very dangerous city).

I didn't do it yesterday, and this is what I got.

Ordinarily, I am trying to be a nice guy, to help people, to give value. Some see it as weakness and try to abuse you.

How do you prevent it from happening?

PS: I talked with a friend today which was there last night, and she apologized for this guy's behavior, saying her boyfriend almost got into a fight with him last week.
You don't prevent people from coming after you -- no matter what you do. None of this is personal. It has nothing to do with you. HE WAS JEALOUS OF YOU! He hates his life.
When I got together with my husband, he was a nice guy who didn't know how to handle conflicts. We have September romance so we each had a lot going in our lives when we married. I have a bunch of tenants. Sometimes they show up at my office and cuss me out. Sometimes they'll catch one of us out by ourselves and have a major melt-down. In the beginning, my husband took it all personally as you did. Now it all rolls off of his back too.
When it happens now, we have a set of running joke between us. Sometimes he pulls me in front of him and tells them, "Talk to Wifie," and then we both have to stifle our laugher. We bounce off of each other. Sometimes he's the bad guy and sometimes I play that part. One of our jokes we banter back and forth is who gets to be the good guy this time. It all doesn't matter in the end. It's all a game to buy some so time and get the situation under control.
We don't argue or defend ourselves. Disputing them doesn't work. Us getting mad doesn't work. We start by considering the source. We sometimes wait until they are done venting before we try to answer them. We ask questions. We summarize their complaint and ask if we're correct. We ask if they're having a bad day or how we can help them. What can we do at this moment to resolve their situation? We say something off of the wall and break their rant. We start taking notes of what they are saying. Sometimes, I just reach over and hand them a candy bar from our counter display -- while asking if that's the kind they like. Anything to break the moment. Usually, by the end of the conversation, they've calmed down and we've found some kind of solution.
No, it doesn't always work. Oh well. This is my dog and pony show. I own the property and they are my tenants. I have the power here regardless of how loud they howl. I rarely exercise that power, but that is the bottom line if they totally misbehave.
 

seomatic

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I am trying to build muscles so that I would commend a bit more respect, but otherwise, I am used to put out a mean face to instantly repel anyone that tries to mess with me (especially in the street since Brussels is a very dangerous city).
I know exactly what you are talking about and my best advice is to move away. When you build muscles it will just increase your chance of getting into a street fight in my opinion. It's not worth fighting for a failed city and failed politics. I have left Germany a few hours ago and never looked back, no clue how people can live in such conditions. Don't make it your problem, go to a country were you can focus on your goals without being bothered by street thugs.

Same thing with your conversation, don't engage with such people it's lose-lose situation.
 

Cyberseraph

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Thanks for sharing your experience so others can learn from it.

Just remember next time: "If you argue with an idiot, then there are two idiots."

Don't let him live rent-free in your head. Just let it go.
 

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