How do you dial back emotion?

[Blhhi]

I hate to make this kind of post, but I'd love to get some insight. I've searched online, and of course there are generic solutions and advice, but I know everyone here is really putting themselves on the line. I know your input means something. I promise I won't be that guy who asks for advice and ignores it. (https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/co...-advice-if-you-aint-doing-shit-with-it.41826/)

I'm too angry. Mildly annoying things disgust me. Frustrating things infuriate me. My anger is like a leaky oil canister next to a box of matches. It's so easy to make me explode.

I'm too sad. I have $20 in my bank account. I'm broke. But today I found over 100 books in my grandma's closet that she wasn't using, so I threw some in my backpack and tried to go door to door selling them. I figured 1 hour of trying could be worth it. Of course I failed. I knew I'd probably fail. But afterward I felt so drained. I got in bed and didn't think I'd ever get up. I started watching "Success Porn," which is the catch-all term I use for shows like Shark Tank and MTV Cribs, or books like Steve Jobs's biography--stuff that lets you win vicariously by watching other people win.

How do you guys mitigate the impact of negative emotion on your ability to focus? How do you prepare for negative events that might make you feel bad? How do you prevent panicking? How do you stop yourself once you've started to panic?

I feel like I have a very tiny chance of ever succeeding. But that chance goes to 0 every time I lose it. Someone else here must know what that's like.

 

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[Runum]

Legit question. It's part of growing up.

You are in the toughest game of your life, and you can win or you can lose.

You have to learn to control what you can control and not let the other stuff bother you.

The anger - it may come from unrealized expectations. Maybe you think you are due something because you breathe and when it doesn't come true the only reaction you know is to get angry. Does getting angry get you what you want? Probably not, just wasted time and energy. You may even look at it that if you get mad, the other side wins.

Sadness - You are pinning your happiness on the amount of money you possess. Why? When you were a kid were you happy without money? Could you be happy without money now? Sure, it's a choice. Most people would rather deal with happy people.

In business you will still have good days and still have bad days. Some days you will make lots of money and some days you will bleed cash. If you lose your cool it takes you off of your game. You can't let the other side win. You can't let them see you sweat.

The thing about emotions, when you feel an emotion that is out of control... stop and think about the trigger and the feeling you get before loss of control. Think about what your emotion looks like on the outside. Does it make you look mature and in control or childish? How could you have handled the situation differently for a different outcome?

There is a lot to this. You will have successes and failures. Like everything celebrate the successes and learn from the failures. It is not an event, it's a process.

Good luck.

 

[AroundTheWorld]

ANGER:

Anger is a second emotion. It is covering up something else. If you are "angry" or "resentful" or "jealous" (all second emotions) then.... YOU ARE PLAYING VICTIM. I know. I've been there. If you want to get real, every human has been there. It is part of the experience.

The difference between getting STUCK in this emotion and MOVING ON TO GREAT THINGS is how you choose to think about it.

When you experience these emotions, you are giving up power to SOMEONE ELSE (the object of the feeling). Start taking responsibility for your own choices. You are not entitled anything. You are not a victim. You have the ability to change your circumstances.

SADNESS:

I am confused. You mentioned "sad" then you talked about being broke. What does one have to do with the other? You are sad because you are broke? Or, you were using the story as an illustration of your sadness? That story didn't seem like sadness to me. What it seemed like is giving up... lack of focus... and negative self talk (I am a failure, I can't make money, I can't sell these used books)

 

[SteveO]

What Runum said....

It all doesn't matter... I mean everything. We take life way too seriously. Death, pain, suffering, we take all of that way too seriously.

Our life here is such a small blip in the grand scale of things.

Relax, do some things you enjoy.

 

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[GuestUser113]

I've been reading a lot of stoic philosophy. It has opened my eyes up to alot stuff. Epictetus, Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, etc..

 

[randomnumber314]

Some great replies in here, so I'll just add what I can.

Here's the deal: everyone wants to win, but plays to not lose. Simply put that means most people won't take a hit, because they're afraid to lose.

In the end the only thing that matters is that you get up tomorrow and improve on yesterday.

I'm young, company is young, and I stopped giving a f^ck early on. Bad day, bad week, bad month? Don't give a f^ck as long as I can get up and do better tomorrow.

Perspective, we've done $70k since early May, I haven't paid myself. Still having fun, still learning tons. Imagine if this fails for me, oh shucks, go back to a 9 to 5 for six months.

Those that ridicule/relish others' failures are hiding, those that understand are friends. Break the bank my friend. Go for gold.

 

[Red]

goddammit... since when did keystrokes create a direct post??? This prematurely posted & I can't delete... actual response coming...

 

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[Red]

I concur with all the statements above & want to add to it. I know something that has a direct impact on my mood/mental health & well being is food & sleep.

Are you getting restful sleep at night?

Are you eating real food (as in, not processed food)?

When you get up & grab a poptart, you start yourself on a blood sugar roller coaster that has a direct link to your mental/emotional state. I am walking/talking proof of how changing a diet over to real, unprocessed foods, has a direct & powerful impact on my emotions & mental balance.

Yes, over time we learn to manage things better... we learn to hedge our bets on how we react to things, but improving your physical well-being is something you can do NOW that will have a direct impact tomorrow.

EDIT: and if it helps for a background, I was a super angry & aggressive kid. I grew into an angry & slightly-less-aggressive adult. I've always felt my emotional reactions to things was waaaay out of balance when compared to the actual situation at hand & could never balance it out. I changed my diet to paleo at the beginning of last year & it has changed my life, physically, mentally & emotionally.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

But today I found over 100 books in my grandma's closet that she wasn't using, so I threw some in my backpack and tried to go door to door selling them.

Just wanted to say that this strikes me as a winning mentality. Not many folks would do this. But you did. And that my friend, tells me your odds are better than the rest. Don't ever lose that "Ill do anything" mentality as it will definitely pay you dividends down the road. Maybe not at this moment, but they will.

 

[Blhhi]

Sadness - You are pinning your happiness on the amount of money you possess. Why? When you were a kid were you happy without money? Could you be happy without money now? Sure, it's a choice.

I am confused. You mentioned "sad" then you talked about being broke. What does one have to do with the other? You are sad because you are broke? Or, you were using the story as an illustration of your sadness? That story didn't seem like sadness to me.

You know, at one point in my life I was lot calmer and focused, and it was back when I kept these things in perspective. I've never needed much. I actually actively try to keep from adding new things to my life. What I want is knowledge, experience, success and happiness. And yet I turned life into a game and let my back account become my scoreboard.

Thank you for reminding me of the truth.

In the end the only thing that matters is that you get up tomorrow and improve on yesterday.

I agree, logically. I know success is a process. I know nothing beats sustained effort. And yet there are times when you look at 2 months from today and think "I'm not going to be anywhere but where I am right now." You feel like it's an endless cycle.

Are you getting restful sleep at night?
Are you eating real food (as in, not processed food)?

These are two areas I've been lacking in, honestly. I'm notorious for pulling all-nighters and not eating. Some days I don't eat, and it never even occurs to me until a friend checks to make sure I did. These past two weeks have been worse than before. I haven't had any appetite. I have to force myself to eat.

Just wanted to say that this strikes me as a winning mentality. Not many folks would do this. But you did. And that my friend, tells me your odds are better than the rest.

Thanks. That means a lot coming from a real winner. But I won't pat myself on the back until I've got that money tree you wrote about.

 

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[IceCreamKid]

How do you guys mitigate the impact of negative emotion on your ability to focus?

I try to surround myself with positive people who are moving TOWARDS something in life. It doesn't have to be biz related, but they have to be striving for something(a better job, better relationship, better painting skills, anything!).

By simply being around that kind of energy, negative emotions are far less likely to impact your ability to focus.

How do you prepare for negative events that might make you feel bad?

I take a step back and remember that I don't need much at all to be happy. Friends, family, health, food, roof over my head, and some clothes on my back. Life is good. Seriously.

People get too down on themselves that they don't have millions of dollars in the bank. Life is short so you might as well enjoy it right now.

How do you prevent panicking?

I prevented panicking by attaining a skill that I can ALWAYS fall back on if I lose all my money. That skill is carpentry btw. I advise everyone to get ONE skill that they can always fall back on.

And yet I turned life into a game and let my back account become my scoreboard.

You may not see it now, but you will eventually find that the pursuit of money simply for the sake of getting money is rather unfulfulling. People first, then money.

 

[Red]

But I won't pat myself on the back until I've got that money tree you wrote about.

Would you encourage a friend for accomplishing small steps along the way? Then do it for yourself. There is no valor or merit in holding yourself mentally hostage to the standards that you just typed. Just as a friend deserves at least some recognition for effort & taking action (a pat on the back, if you will), you're allowed to give that to yourself. And you should. Being mentally abusive to yourself will stifle your growth. Encouragement does not make you weak, in fact, people do much MUCH better in environments where they are encouraged, as opposed to berated. It doesn't matter if someone else is doing the berating or you're doing it to yourself, the effects are the same.

 

[Nadia]

I recorded this last night -- I came here and realised it would help.

Take 30 mins out of your time :

I am probably the only woman going to comment on rage and anger. Most women hate this emotion and do not ever feel it on the level a man often does and will. I am aware I have more rage in me than the average woman.

Firstly, WELL DONE that you went out there and did your best on the book situation. I can understand the sadness that comes from not having money. The sadness turns into anger. I used to switch between crying and rage in a matter of seconds, where I would break things physically when I was angry. Not very feminine I know. I felt helpless and useless that I didn't have the money to pay off the stuff I needed to. I used to go into my kitchen and smash plates. It gave me a sense of relief to destroy something.

Use those books, and find car boot sales, garage sales, yard sales. I GUARANTEE someone wants ONE of those books and YOU have the solution.

Also, what you are eating is contributing. Cut out the sugar and the junk.

You stop the panic by getting shit done.

 

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[Waisec]

I'm too sad. I have $20 in my bank account. I'm broke. But today I found over 100 books in my grandma's closet that she wasn't using, so I threw some in my backpack and tried to go door to door selling them. I figured 1 hour of trying could be worth it. Of course I failed. I knew I'd probably fail. But afterward I felt so drained. I got in bed and didn't think I'd ever get up. I started watching "Success Porn," which is the catch-all term I use for shows like Shark Tank and MTV Cribs, or books like Steve Jobs's biography--stuff that lets you win vicariously by watching other people win.

Read the biography of any successful entrepreneur and you'll find tons of failure & dark times before they made it, some had it worse, some a little better, but nearly everyone. Hell, there will probably be bad days in business even when you 'make it'. Take it as an initiation to get on the Fastlane, realize that it's just temporary and if you work to improve the situation and just endure the tough times, you'll succeed. Focus on your goals and where you need to go, not on the negative sh*t, let the latter be the fire under your a$$ to take action

It could always be worse. I'm 10k in debt, the kind of debt that you need to pay off yesterday. 10 cents total in my bank accounts, which are frozen. About 10€ in cash and I'm eating nothing but 25 cent packs of pasta. Am I sad about it? F*ck no, because I don't focus on stressing over it, I let it fuel my drive to work, it pushes me to sleep 5hrs a night and work my a$$ off and hustle. Besides, it will make one hell of a story when I finally succeed

 

[SteveO]

I'm 10k in debt, the kind of debt that you need to pay off yesterday. 10 cents total in my bank accounts, which are frozen. About 10€ in cash and I'm eating nothing but 25 cent packs of pasta. Am I sad about it? F*ck no, because I don't focus on stressing over it

This is tough to do but it is the right mentality. Although it seems like @Waisech doesn't care about being responsible, he is actually doing a lot of good for himself.

You cannot dwell on the negatives. That will just lead to more perceived negatives.

 

[HarryR]

Besides, it will make one hell of a story when I finally succeed

I tell myself this every time life gets intense.

 

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[Mattie]

In those moments you have to stay positive. I know people don't like hearing it, but basically you do have to get out of the funk. Keep moving even if you don't feel like it. Anger is basically normal if you ask me. It rages inside, but also needs an outlet, such as writing, art, music, sports, gardening. All the garbage that goes in must come out.

Basically it is a grieving process. Other people might not look at it that way, but basically like death. Your whole world has to change. You have to unlearn everything you've believed and been taught. Relearn everything new. Break out of the box that society, family, and friends have placed you in. Re-invent yourself day by day.

It's an ending of an old life, and a beginning of a new life. Anger will surface along the way, I still have my moments. It's what you do with that emotion. Internalize it, self-inflict with beating yourself up with your negative self-talk, and other people's negative toxic bull crap, or learning to dump the garbage that doesn't belong to you in the first place. My grandmother used to say, "What's your problem?" Usually other people do have a problem with you. It's not your issue. People are so focused on telling you, you're the problem. Usually when other people project their reality on to you, it's usually their problem. Ask them why they feel they have the need to tell you there is something wrong with you, when they've never figured out they do have a negative or positive effect on the outcome by their actions and words. Determine what is their issue and what is your issue. Don't blame they for your choices. Don't blame them for anything. We trigger each others issues in society. Every time we get angry it means someone is crossing our boundaries emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or physically. Imposing their reality on us. This was an experiment I did on myself and the other people around me. They were interested in my life. Didn't know anything at all. They assumed, they concluded, they didn't have all the facts and evidence. The illusion was what they created in their mind. Their story. Their version of what they believed was happening.

It was a hard lesson for them to learn, but not my issue. They found out I wasn't lazy, I wasn't playing video games, and I wasn't being weak. I was going to college, graduated, educating myself all day long every day, learning about social groups and people, social observation, and they aren't to happy that I'm becoming a writer now, or life coach. People love to assume and conclude. Write your story for you. They've gotten your whole life written out to the end. Hard lesson to learn when they fall on their a$$.

There is many dynamics to getting out of the negative zone, but you have to believe in you. You can't rely on anyone else to meet your emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical needs. I had two people for support that lived in the Netherlands and Hawaii online. So no one in my vicinity. Pretty much you will get the "You can't be a victim mentality" from just about everyone, and this negative message doesn't really help you much either. My advice is to find a mentor that has compassion, empathy, understanding, and doesn't use tough love as abuse approach. It makes all the difference and you will grow and develop faster. Some people believe that works, others like me believe it actually just cause some people to backslide and depression. Negative environments cause negative outcomes. So be selective who you have in your circle. Words of wisdom and knowledge, and people that aren't afraid to get dirty or meet you where you are, and walk you through it to the end zone. Two things helped me. Attitude and mental toughness. Stand up to your giants and be fearless. Knock them over like David and Goliath. People think they're big bad and tough. They are usually not, because once you learn to strengthen your mind, they don't, they're to lazy in that area.

Hardship builds character. Start with watching the The Junction Boys movie. Bear Bryant knew how to coach and teach life lessons. I met one of his players once and they turned out to be very successful. 8 mile road is another one. Homeless to Harvard. There are a million books out there with homeless to famous stories, or homeless to billionaire. Just as many riches to rag stories. There are no guarantees in life. You will fail, but failure is an opportunity to learn what you haven't learned.

 

[GuestUser201]

Hardship builds character.

I ALWAYS see this as a common thing everywhere on these forums and in books.
The harder life is on you, the bigger opportunity you have to bounce up and learn from it.

Growth doesn't happen in the presence of comfort. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that you need to really be in an uncomfortable situation where you are desperate for change in order to really make things happen.

Just as someone on here told me before, having no money for food and being hungry has a funny way of making people take action.

 

[Michael Raphael]

Perspective, we've done $70k since early May, I haven't paid myself. Still having fun, still learning tons. Imagine if this fails for me, oh shucks, go back to a 9 to 5 for six months.

Added to your comment about $20 in the bank. Never look at what you have or don't have, or your debt. Any of that. Rather look at how you can make money. Like this guy said (or so I interpret).

Why look at failure. If he fails he goes back to a 9-5. But if he gets up even after the shittiest day and pushes harder to get a sale. Guess what he just did. Got a sale! That previous day means shit. He now has another 1k, 2k, even if just a $10 sale. Its $10 more than the previous day.

Look at how to make money, not what you are giving up, not what you owe, not what you deserve. just go out and get it!

 

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[lifer]

I ALWAYS see this as a common thing everywhere on these forums and in books.
The harder life is on you, the bigger opportunity you have to bounce up and learn from it.

Growth doesn't happen in the presence of comfort. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that you need to really be in an uncomfortable situation where you are desperate for change in order to really make things happen.

Just as someone on here told me before, having no money for food and being hungry has a funny way of making people take action.

Are you referring to the homeless thread "But can I have 2 dollars?"? Just kidding..

 

[Rickson9]

My thinking is this: If I can't control my anger, how can I expect to control the direction of my life?

 

[randomnumber314]

[quote"Rickson9, post: 377827, member: 4319"]My thinking is this: If I can't control my anger, how can I expect to control the direction of my life?[/quote]
There It is folks. Learn to control what you can, accept what you can't.

It's just that easy.

 

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[AroundTheWorld]

How do you guys mitigate the impact of negative emotion on your ability to focus? How do you prepare for negative events that might make you feel bad? How do you prevent panicking? How do you stop yourself once you've started to panic?

Learn about meditation and living in the moment.
This will do many things for you, but one of the things it will do is help you become AWARE of not only your emotions but your thoughts and how your thoughts have an impact on your emotions.

You are human, and that means you are able to be aware of your own thoughts.
This means you can learn to delay your REACTION to a situation.

Something happens.
You OBSERVE your mind, thoughts and emotions....
by paying attention to this, almost like you are watching yourself in a movie...
you can CHOOSE how to react.

 

[Blhhi]

I wanna thank everyone who took the time to comment on this thread. It gave me a lot of perspective, and I've gone from the edge of quitting to being back in it. I'll try some of the ideas you offered, especially meditating.

Thanks.

 

[IceCreamKid]

I'll try some of the ideas you offered, especially meditating.

https://www.centerpointe.com/v2/

This is my secret weapon for a clear and focused mind. If I don't do the meditation thing as my very first task in the morning, it's almost a guarantee that I will get nothing done for the rest of the day.

The reason why meditation is so important in my daily routine is because I'm constantly exposed to these energy vampires who have perfected the art of stealing my attention and focus away: FB, IG, YouTube, etc.

If I were to give anyone 3 pieces of advice for becoming highly productive, it's this:

1. NO SNACKING. Snacking causes the insulin levels in your blood to spike and your body goes into overdrive mode in an attempt to bring those insulin levels back to normal. When you're in overdrive mode, you use a lot of extra energy which causes you to become tired and want to take naps.

2. Meditate. Having a clear mind gives you the focus you need to get things done fast. You won't be worrying about the fight you had last night with your girlfriend if your mind is clear.

3. Cut off your friends who complain all the time. That negative energy compounds over time and weighs you down. I'll never forget when I saw a YouTube vid of Kiyosaki and he was talking about how excited he was to get sued. The reporter asked, "Why were you excited to get sued?". He responded, "I'll probably learn something and become a better entrepreneur". What an amazing mindset. I've never been sued before, but I'll probably be scared as heck when the day finally comes.

 

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[RogueInnovation]

Start winning

I don't know jack about who you are, but I'll tell you this
No one will know who the h#ll you are until you get up and win
Winning and its definition exists only in you.

Failure is a puff of air. Success is a puff of air and a thought.
Don't go home crying, go out curious as h#ll and keep your head in the actual tasks not the wishh wash trash of arguing about your value and their value.

Do the business, do nothing else. Become the business.

Tips:
brainstorm
ignore bs (fears, jerkisms, inner patheticness)
learn how to gather customers
learn how to retain customers at scale
learn how to sync in with their needs
learn how to be responsible for your own path
get to know every aspect of your business
understand how to validate, test, and give great launches that float above profit and can scale