How do I raise Unscripted/Fastlane kids?

[tonyf7]

Just picked up @MJ DeMarco book Unscripted and it's making me think...hard, about my kids. I have two girls, 13 and 8, who are being institutionalized just like most of us were growing up. School teaches them to be obedient and to conform. Although they both do great in school, I'm worried that they'll grow up into the slowlane just like my wife and I did.

My 13 year old, I can tell, already pretty much hates school. She's bored. Gets A's and B's...but she's bored and craves being at home in her room just doing nothing. Kind of like an adult when they get off of work, they just want to unwind and do or think nothing. My 8 year old still shows enthusiasm for school but I think it's because of her age and playfulness. Also gets A's and B's but at times will tell me she doesn't want to go to school.

Although I own a business, it's not fastlane...yet. It's a self created job as of now. My wife works a 9-5 but she loves what she does, which is great. She just got her Master's, which is also great because she is becoming more of an expert in a field she loves. But, due to the nature of the slowlane, she just got informed that she's being laid off in 3 months due to budget cuts. She was going to leave that job anyway so it's not that much of problem, but still...fk the slowlane.

How do I Unscript my kids when I'm still working my way into the Fastlane? What can I do today to ensure they'll be on a better path than the one this world programs us to follow?

 

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[becks22]

Have you read this thread?? Not a parent but lots of useful info
Notable! - Fastlane Parenting (Tips, Tactics...)

 

[Leoto]

How do I Unscript my kids when I'm still working my way into the Fastlane? What can I do today to ensure they'll be on a better path than the one this world programs us to follow?

I think you're already leading by example based on the mere fact that they're seeing you working your way into the Fastlane (even if you're not there yet). I don't think SCRIPTED kids come out of UNSCRIPTED parents. It's much harder to get UNSCRIPTED kids out of SCRIPTED parents, but you evidently don't have that problem since you already embody the UNSCRIPTED mentality.

 

[V8Bill]

Maybe you can start by sharing ideas on how to split up their money first? Save some, spend some, give some and never spend all your savings on any one thing. That way they might start to get a feel for how money can accumulate and buy bigger and better things than the other kids with their own money. That might get them to see the benefit of controlling their own financial "destiny" - even if it is just a few weeks away until the concert or their new bike or new sneakers, toy, iTunes voucher...etc.

Then once you see they have control over their financial lives, it's not far from wanting to control their own lives in other areas. It seems that a lot of members here started making money as kids. Perhaps look out for opportunities for them to start their own little businesses and teach them the value of offering great value (see idea below). It makes them feel good, the customer feels good and Dad feels proud.

I was never taught about money as a kid and that didn't help me at all. I was way into my 40s when the light switched on for me. They have to know how much they'll need, and how it sucks to not have any but most importantly you can teach them what to do with larger cash injections when they come across them. If they know that they'll always have an amount to spend on fun things that they have to save up for they might not just blow all their money as soon as they get it.

Another benefit of being financially independant-ish as a kid is that they won't have to study to become a useful slave. They can go to University to study something they might actually love (if that's what they want to do) and because they know how to make their own money they can just focus on immersing themselves into discovering new and fantastic things instead of drudging through something boring all the way through college and perhaps looking for less than healthy ways to relieve that boredom.

Kids have to be taught how to make their own money. It doesn't have to be a lot but even if they want to go and live in an artist's colony to focus on their art they'll be able to do it because you'll have already developed that "I can make my own money if I need it" mentality. They'll find a way to make a few bucks from their art or playing in a band or even going off to medical school which is hard enough without having to work at a job to support their studies.

The sooner they learn the joy of control the sooner you can relax, sit back and have that silly proud grin on your face as you elbow the person next to you and say "that's MY daughter - so proud".

Somewhere in there you might also want to think of a way for them to experience the joy of giving so they can develop their philanthropic muscles. Kids love to be appreciated and spoken to as grown ups and given responsibility. They will rise to incredible heights to accept a challenge and prove themselves worthy of your praise. We have to start planting those seeds.

Here's something they can both do this weekend. @Jakawan shared with us an amazing story about a super simple way that he made money and then helped other people make money. Progress Thread - How I made $690 In Less Than 4 Hours This Weekend. Perhaps you can do a family thing the first weekend while they watch and help. No need to force them to do anything but at the end of the day you can maybe share the profits and then they can each have a table the next weekend (a good opportunity to plant the friendly competition or The "benefits of working with partners" seed?). Even your 8 year old can do this with supervision. Give her total sales control - you just sit back in your folding chair and watch as they charm the dollars right into their little pockets. This might also plant the "it's ok to make profit if you help people" seed. Might help with any excessive shyness if there is any.

Even if you give them an allowance it'll be great if they said "no thanks, I can make more on Saturday morning". You can then insist that if that's the case you'd like to become an investor for a good return (planting the investor seed). All the while saving something so they can start building that lifetime supply of cash they're going to need. Later you can take deposits from them and pay them interest. Once they get a taste of that free money it might plant the "passive income is cool" seed.

Poverty isn't a given. A hard life isn't a given. Financial freedom costs so little (with the right mindset) as a kid that all you have to do is show them the benefits and theoretically you'll become a super Dad. A parent that this world sorely needs right now. If they take the fastlane they will have the power to do more good in this world and the ripples will begin to radiate from the child you drop into our world.

It's so cool that you want to instil this into them. We need more parents like you - that's for sure. Rep$+

 

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[tonyf7]

Maybe you can start by sharing ideas on how to split up their money first? Save some, spend some, give some and never spend all your savings on any one thing. That way they might start to get a feel for how money can accumulate and buy bigger and better things than the other kids with their own money. That might get them to see the benefit of controlling their own financial "destiny" - even if it is just a few weeks away until the concert or their new bike or new sneakers, toy, iTunes voucher...etc.

Then once you see they have control over their financial lives, it's not far from wanting to control their own lives in other areas. It seems that a lot of members here started making money as kids. Perhaps look out for opportunities for them to start their own little businesses and teach them the value of offering great value (see idea below). It makes them feel good, the customer feels good and Dad feels proud.

I was never taught about money as a kid and that didn't help me at all. I was way into my 40s when the light switched on for me. They have to know how much they'll need, and how it sucks to not have any but most importantly you can teach them what to do with larger cash injections when they come across them. If they know that they'll always have an amount to spend on fun things that they have to save up for they might not just blow all their money as soon as they get it.

Another benefit of being financially independant-ish as a kid is that they won't have to study to become a useful slave. They can go to University to study something they might actually love (if that's what they want to do) and because they know how to make their own money they can just focus on immersing themselves into discovering new and fantastic things instead of drudging through something boring all the way through college and perhaps looking for less than healthy ways to relieve that boredom.

Kids have to be taught how to make their own money. It doesn't have to be a lot but even if they want to go and live in an artist's colony to focus on their art they'll be able to do it because you'll have already developed that "I can make my own money if I need it" mentality. They'll find a way to make a few bucks from their art or playing in a band or even going off to medical school which is hard enough without having to work at a job to support their studies.

The sooner they learn the joy of control the sooner you can relax, sit back and have that silly proud grin on your face as you elbow the person next to you and say "that's MY daughter - so proud".

Somewhere in there you might also want to think of a way for them to experience the joy of giving so they can develop their philanthropic muscles. Kids love to be appreciated and spoken to as grown ups and given responsibility. They will rise to incredible heights to accept a challenge and prove themselves worthy of your praise. We have to start planting those seeds.

Here's something they can both do this weekend. @Jakawan shared with us an amazing story about a super simple way that he made money and then helped other people make money. Progress Thread - How I made $690 In Less Than 4 Hours This Weekend. Perhaps you can do a family thing the first weekend while they watch and help. No need to force them to do anything but at the end of the day you can maybe share the profits and then they can each have a table the next weekend (a good opportunity to plant the friendly competition or The "benefits of working with partners" seed?). Even your 8 year old can do this with supervision. Give her total sales control - you just sit back in your folding chair and watch as they charm the dollars right into their little pockets. This might also plant the "it's ok to make profit if you help people" seed. Might help with any excessive shyness if there is any.

Even if you give them an allowance it'll be great if they said "no thanks, I can make more on Saturday morning". You can then insist that if that's the case you'd like to become an investor for a good return (planting the investor seed). All the while saving something so they can start building that lifetime supply of cash they're going to need. Later you can take deposits from them and pay them interest. Once they get a taste of that free money it might plant the "passive income is cool" seed.

Poverty isn't a given. A hard life isn't a given. Financial freedom costs so little (with the right mindset) as a kid that all you have to do is show them the benefits and theoretically you'll become a super Dad. A parent that this world sorely needs right now. If they take the fastlane they will have the power to do more good in this world and the ripples will begin to radiate from the child you drop into our world.

It's so cool that you want to instil this into them. We need more parents like you - that's for sure. Rep$+

Tons of helpful advice here. THANK YOU! I've been debating weather or not to give them an allowance. I've tried it in the past with my oldest and I didn't like it because I didn't get the impression she felt like she earned that money, even though she did chores to get it. Now we just wait for opportunities to arise where she comes asking for something like a new wardrobe of t-shirts or a new phone case. Then we give her opportunities to earn it by doing extra chores, etc. But still, I feel like I'm teaching them to trade time for money. Very slowlane conditioning.

Once we went to a flea market and I saw some old Super Nintendo games for sale. I quickly looked the games up on eBay and saw that they could sell for a few more bucks than what I could probably get them for. I told my daughter to buy them using her money which she did for 10 bucks. I showed her how to post them for sale on eBay after researching the going rate. They sold a day later for $75. She as pretty proud when I gave her the money which she took and split up into envelopes we've set up for investing, emergency fund, play money, big purchases, charity, etc.

I felt that was a better experience because she bought something of value at a good price and sold it at a better price.

That was a one time event which I should revisit.

As for going to college, I'm with you on going if 1) you want to go, and 2) going for something you feel passionate and excited to learn. We've told my oldest that she should keep her grades up so she can hopefully get a full ride scholarship to a university and use it to study something she is truly interested in. I hate the idea of her going to college just to learn how to be an employee.

I too was never taught about money as a kid. I learned it all through books and the internet. MJ's books are currently rearranging how I think about money so now I'm having to do a lot of reevaluating as to what I want to teach my kids about it.

Thanks for your insight and advice and the rep cash.

 

[V8Bill]

But still, I feel like I'm teaching them to trade time for money. Very slowlane conditioning.

Maybe, maybe not. You might be teaching them about how crap it is to swap time for money by experiencing it for themselves so they can built a distaste for it early then show them a better way - how money can be working for them. The swap meet spinners idea showed them how they have to do something (which takes time) but how the profit motive makes time pass quickly and is far more exciting than an hourly rate which is a straight line painted on a road leading into an eternity of boredom.

Spinners are fun too so they can work, do business, have fun and get some fresh air all at the same time. That's when you spring the "how about you get some other kids to sell them for you and you take less off each and make more overall?" idea on them. Tons of lessons there but you'd have to explain to them what happened because sometimes they miss the point. I'd suggest some form of gratification to re-inforce that profit can be healthy for everyone. They have to personally benefit (especially at a young age when their attention span is short) to reinforce the benefit of effort when combined with clever thinking.

It won't be long before making their own money is a natural thing to do. Hopefully they'll start to wonder why every kid doesn't just go out and make their own money instead of complaining they never "get" anything they want which will hopefully extinguish any entitlement mould that might be growing in the back of their minds. At first it will seem like work until you hand them a fistful of cash. Transform $20 into a fistful of cash (20 x $1) so it seems like more money which will be a fun memory for them that should stick forever.

 

[Drive2Riches]

I don't think SCRIPTED kids come out of UNSCRIPTED parents.

@tonyf7 I don't think you've got all that much to worry about. My advice is to focus on the healthy relationships that exist. I didn't have the luxury you do with mom and dad in the home together when the kids were over 8 years old.
I was worried that my youngest son wouldn't make it through high school, yet he's actually registered for community college in the fall. This is something he did on his own.
My other son scraped by in HS, but he went two years out of four, to a prestigious college and then decided to make things happen in music instead, and got a great job at a hip night club at the age of 20. Now he's got company-paid health and dental at the age of 21. I never had that. I never imagined it for him. And he said it's more than he dreamed of. (I'm not saying he's hit a slowlane lifestyle. All his tip money is going first to pay off his car and then his school loan, followed by a lone trek through an exotic country, so he says.)
My point is -- you just never know.
When they're older, you can remember the younger side of your kids and go "oh, yeah, they totally seemed like they could turn out this way" but you can rarely say that in the reverse -- you can't really see what's going to happen to them, who they will become.
Trust yourself with your daughters. They're too young for you to be worrying about this issue, but are at an ideal age for you to be concerned about the mental well being of the family. Cherish what you have now, and enjoy watching your contribution take shape in their own minds because you're paying attention to them. I wish I had what you have now. You're going to see great things.

 

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[OldFaithful]

How do I Unscript my kids when I'm still working my way into the Fastlane? What can I do today to ensure they'll be on a better path than the one this world programs us to follow?

I have the same question rolling around in my mind. I have a pre-teen daughter and I don't want her to blindly accept the 5/2 trade. If she chooses that, then ok, but I want it to be her choice. In order for her to choose though, there must be more than 1 option to choose from...so I see my task as to inform/teach her about the various options that exist.

Looks like we're in the same boat. Please check back and let us know how your various tactics work out.

There are some great threads here already:
Off-Topic - Kids and Money
Business ideas for teenage entrepreneurs
Notable! - Fastlane Parenting (Tips, Tactics...)

I'm glad you are investing you most valuable asset, your time, where it's really needed...your kids! Best wishes to you and yours!