How do I learn how to talk?

[antondimitrov]

I like communication, and I like writing a lot, because it gives me time to really think over what I want to say. On the other hand, I absolutely loathe talking to other people, since I feel like my brain shuts off and I'm just spitting out words at a faster speed than I can think, which leads to moments of frustration and me saying things in a poor way.

I can explain myself well, and I can talk to multiple people at once on topics I know a lot about, but I can't for the life of me express myself in "small talk", or more generally in a typical discussion. It feels like my brain freezes and I'm talking for the sake of it.

The best way I've found avoid this issue is taking time to think over it, but it still takes me a lot (a minute or two), and people don't want to wait that long for that type of casual discussion.

Is there a way to speed up this process? Or more generally to learn how to have my brain get unstuck when I talk to people?

Read Dale Carnegie How to win friends and influence people it’s also a good book on that subject i think.

 

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[Xeon]

I've similar issues and have thought of joining Toastmasters but their sessions feel very cringey to me. I wonder if anyone here has tried them before. Also, it seems when you join Toastmasters groups, you end up developing a very inauthentic, canned and formulaic way of speaking, which has that "toastmaster-ish" feel to it. You know, the hand gestures, the scripted body language, the tone of voice.....

 

[Rabby]

I've similar issues and have thought of joining Toastmasters but their sessions feel very cringey to me. I wonder if anyone here has tried them before. Also, it seems when you join Toastmasters groups, you end up developing a very inauthentic, canned and formulaic way of speaking, which has that "toastmaster-ish" feel to it. You know, the hand gestures, the scripted body language, the tone of voice.....

I did Toastmasters for a while. Won a humorous speech contest, even. It was good for a while, but the talks were mostly 5 minutes long, and that was too short. I needed to practice speaking for longer periods.

Around the same time, I joined an improv group, and that was good. I started going to open mic nights too, to practice delivery and timing.

Hired a speaking coach for a while, which I probably didn't really need by then.

After all that, I would say the best speaking practice is to have a slightly impatient spouse or significant other, whose second language is the one you're speaking in. If they understand what you're saying, and don't throw you out of the house in exasperation, you're doing fine.