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Fiance is calling my business "his/our" business, threatening to sue me

MJ DeMarco

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Tanesha? Is that you..?

It isn't unless she's smart enough to do some IP shenanigans.

I think at the core I'm not capable of much...including this business.

But you are capable.
It just takes a lot of work and learning. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and if anyone does (especially a significant other!) they need to be dumped out of your life.

@Kung Fu Steve would work magic with you insofar as changing your limiting beliefs. I believe he has a mentorship program coming available soon. Might want to keep an eye out for it.

Despite some of the barbs coming your way, all of us really want you to find your way and succeed.
 
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legaljanie

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Thank you! I don't know anything about Kung Fu Steve, but sounds like I need to. How do I reach him or try to find his forum? unfortunately I'm new here and didn't see a way to click on his site.

Thanks


It isn't unless she's smart enough to do some IP shenanigans.



But you are capable.
It just takes a lot of work and learning. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and if anyone does (especially a significant other!) they need to be dumped out of your life.

@Kung Fu Steve would work magic with you insofar as changing your limiting beliefs. I believe he has a mentorship program coming available soon. Might want to keep an eye out for it.

Despite some of the barbs coming your way, all of us really want you to find your way and succeed.
 

MJ DeMarco

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GoGetter24

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I never understood why women would stay with a guy that's obviously a bad person and bad influence because other women find him hot
Maybe not all women are angels? Maybe some willingly feed evil because looks are the only thing that matter to them? And thereby permit people like this to treat those around him like shit just because of the strengths he was born with? Abandons his ex-wife, probably treated her like shit too, that's OK, now I get to have his handsomeness and status, that's all that matters. Perhaps OP is a bad person who deserves no sympathy or support. You've made your bed, now sleep in it.
 
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The Abundant Man

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I read a lot of works by Dr. Geoffrey Miller and Dr. David M. Buss( Professors of Evolutionary Psychology at University of New Mexico and University of Texas, respectively)

They both talk about how women seek four main traits in men:
• Effective- Is he effective? Can he lead? Is he able to take care of himself and others around him?
• Good Genes-Is he healthy? Can he produce healthy offspring? Is he overweight? Does he carry any disease?
• Good Partner- Is he a good partner? Is he romantic? Does he send you "Good Morning, Beautiful" text messages?
• Good Dad- Is he a good father? Is he responsible? Can he take care of his own children? (This is one reason why women are attracted to guys who have pets because it shows a nurturing side of them and that they're responsible)

Women subconsciously seek these due to survival of any offspring that she may have.

I'm sorry to be mean but somebody is failing the darwin awards here...

Also there is the Assortment Effect in Psychology where people of similar value and perception tend to assort together.
 

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Stop, drop and roll! Put out the fire in your heart that keeps you in this toxic relationship. And then run like hell. Get out while you are still alive and you have all your marbles in your head. Marriage doesn't improve this type of behavior -- it makes it worse. This man is a control freak, and he's grooming you to be his next victim in his engineered corner of hell. Unless you enjoy being in pain, you have to get out immediately. Walk away while you can.
Get some good legal advice on the business problems that he's making for you. When you do walk away, he's going to try to chase you through the business. Build a firewall if you can. If you can't, walk away putting him behind you. Start something else once he's gone.
Oh, did you hear me? Walk away. Today. Right now. Immediately.
 

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You guys can't advice OP to leave her "handsome" surgeon because he is live in her mind. Don't you see it? The surgeon is her other personality or vice versa.
 
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A Tiny island down the ocean (Ceylon)
I started a business early this year and my partner was not supportive. It was a software platform that helped in his area of business. He is a doctor.

So i suggested he might be willing to help me market it and sell it. He said no. He was very rude and said he would never be “my bitch”.

So i got it off the ground myself and got very lucky to find an investor for a small portion. That was when my fiance got interested. He then he started giving advice. He offered valuable information and it helped me and my investor/developer. But then he began demanding to be in meetings w my developer. He said it was OUR business. (The legal documents only list me and i did that on purpose).

He became threatening and during arguments said he COULD sue me after the fight he would say he would never do that, but I should be aware that he COULd.

My developer/investor (one in the same) backed out and said that it was mainly because of my fiance. He felt that I should have told him more about our level of romantic involvement up front and that he was not comfortable with the fact that HE noticed my fiance positioning himself as part owner of the company. He is gone. He said NO MORE. My fiance blamed me and suggested that I went to him and secretly told him that he was threatening to sue...and that scared him off. But that's not the case. I never said a word, because I knew that would have been a red flag.

Well i started getting meetings for NEW investors. I took him to the first meeting and he explained why it was so good in his area of expertise. He took over the meeting and then later told me that no one would invest because i looked pissed off and i look like drama.

They did ask who owns the business and i said i do.

Fortunately i got a second meeting. I asked who they wanted at that meeting. They said it was just an intro meeting to more investors so just me was fine.

My partner went batshit crazy. I got that text about 45 minutes before and i told him it was ok. He was going to drive with me anyway downtown. He could just drop me off like he always does.

He was mad. Very mad. He said that i am showing my true colors. And they aren’t pretty. That I only praise the almighty God of money. I don’t respect him or the relationship. That I am money hungry and he thinks I will leave him once i get the funding. He said he will no longer help me. And he may even cancel some of the things he already did for me.

He said i should have mandated that he is in the meeting because we are a team. (Which he says i don’t understand the definition of) Ans he screamed and yelled at me until he dropped me.

He said “guarantee you fail”. I said wow. Thanks. He said that i can’t explain like he can in his area of expertise and that I make mistakes.

He said “good luck cause this is going to need every ounce”.

I went in. I was flustered but i did ok. I got a third meeting.

When i came out he just kept yelling. Said he won’t help me anymore. And that since i won’t put his name on the company it looks really bad. That anyone with 2 cents would know that I didn’t accomplish this myself. (Since he has expertise in the field that my software serves)

He said life with me is not fun. That all i do is argue. (He was the one arguing!) and that i should make a decision because he’s so sick of my behavior.

I had always said why do you need your name on legal docs when we are supposed to be married? He said great. Now you are blackmailing me into marrying you? Either you marry me or you get nothing?!

I just happened to look at an email on his phone today that he sent to a colleague of his == trying to help "me" get into a new sector. The problem is this email -- he tells this "friend" of BOTH of ours -- that WE started this business together and that WE are doing outreach. He says it's "OUR" business.

So it's clear...that he is indeed positioning himself as partner or co founder....and my investor/developer was right. He is trying to state that it's "his" business too.

What would you do? He feels he has helped so much...and that while I paid him 1k a month as a consultant...it's not enough for him...

I asked him how much equity he wants. he wouldn't commit. I said 3%? 5%? He said no....and he wouldn't sign an NDA or any documents that prevent him future ownership.


He is still your fiance?
 

MTEE1985

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Despite some of the barbs coming your way, all of us really want you to find your way and succeed.

Bingo.

I told myself I wouldn’t read this thread anymore but I really think @legaljanie is probably on to something with her business.

Having said that, I think you’re biggest problem with McDreamy at this stage will be getting rid of him. He obviously smells money or he wouldn’t be showing interest. The fact that he now wants the potential rewards with no risk should be very telling for you. He is EXTREMELY insecure which is why he bounces around marriages and relationships bevacaue he craves people praising him for being so good looking and a surgeon and blah blah blah.

You have created something YOURSELF that he is essentially begging to be in on. You should believe in yourself because you’ve done it.

My last thought is a quote I heard which is simply “a sleeping bag and oatmeal” from a very successful entrepreneur who figured his worst case scenario in life was to eat oatmeal every meal and still have that warm place to sleep. Let me ask you this: If this business failed and Dr. Amazing lost his medical license, would you two stay together, or is every aspect (business, relationship etc) as superficial as it sounds?
 
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Merging Left

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You have dozens of internet strangers telling you to leave him. You have a THERAPIST telling you to leave him. I'm afraid there isn't any other advice you're going to get.

This is not a business question, and there isn't a business solution.

You owe it to yourself to walk away from this relationship. Do you really want to be with someone who:
1) Can't manage their money and
2) Doesn't want you to earn any money
 

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No….he is difficult all the way around. but he’s a very good looking…surgeon. He’s been married twice before…left his first wife while she was pregnant with their third child (for the neighbor)….

Well I guess this creates quite a Bias towards him...

My personal goal, like everybody else, is to drop him right away, but before doing that, act smart and ask legal counsel if he's a surgeon (tho broken) and he feels he can sue and get away with millions a la "the social media" story, Jeeee the case in the court.
For the naughty list, I would start to write a draft of a book in case this happens and pre-sell the rights, with all the drama and the story behind, you can get an unbelievable exposure and cash in further to pay for the litigation
 
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Kung Fu Steve

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It never ceases to amaze me how optimistic we all become at the end of something.

Wish I could say I was immune. I dated a severe alcoholic for a couple of years. Constantly taking her back thinking "yeah but NOW she's different."

Even within the last couple of years she had come back into my life after many years absence and I thought "oh certainly now things are different. She'll never treat me like that agai--- oh..."

Sometimes our biggest challenge in life is that we don't face the music right here right now.

Most people have a pattern where if things aren't they way they want them to be now they live in the future. Because...

1. It hasn't happened yet

and because of that,

2. We can make up any sort of bullshit we want in our heads about how it will be.

"He'll settle down and realize he was wrong."
"She'll stop drinking and treat me better."
"He'll finally marry me like he said he would."
"She'll stop cheating and sleeping around."
"He will fall in love with me, not the 20-something assistant he just hired and knocked up."

So we create this neat little delusion that distracts us from what's really going on so we don't have to face the fear of the unknown, the fear of being alone, the fear of what MIGHT happen if we left...

Here's what I know:

There's always 3 sides of the story. His side, your side, and then there's the truth.

Ultimately... none of that even matters. What matters are your decisions now. The question is what is your standard for your life? What is the standard for your relationship? Who are you TRULY? Not this conditioned weak person you've become.

You don't get on Television without being a badass. You fought and worked hard for that. That was the person who didn't take shit from anybody. And I'm guessing that's the person this man fell in love with.

You are no longer this person... she's in there -- but until you bring out that badass bitch again -- nothing will be solved.

This "woe is me attitude" is your real problem. You're stronger than this but in THIS emotional state you don't have the guts to stand up for yourself let alone tell this guy to go F*ck himself.

Who were you BEFORE all of this? Who were you when you were at the top of your game? Who were you then?
 

legaljanie

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So well said, 'Kung Fu Steve'....now I know why people kept telling me to consult you.

This really doesn't pertain to the business part -- but through therapy and reflection now -- I know what drew him to me. He loved that a big tv anchor was all over him. He posted pictures all over social media and he was head over heels with me....because I stroked his ego. I fell hard and it wasn't until I started asserting some independence...that trouble began.

I was fresh off of divorce and felt like this amazing, wealthy, good looking surgeon LOVED ME...I better take it! Fast. And the fights began...when he told me he couldn't continue long distance after 4 months...either I get engaged to him and he 'will take care of me' .... and quit my job....or he couldn't make it work.

The fights were awful but I kept giving in....I became weaker and weaker. The point is he HATES the go getter that I was (and still am to a degree). He doesn't like ANY moment or situation that he can't control. He wants to make sure I fail unless he is involved and can take credit.

So, you ask ...where is the bad a$$? I'm still in there...but hard to reach now. I lost my significance. I won more than a dozen regional Emmy awards...I was very good at what I did. I was on the fast track to one of the largest markets in the country -- and when I left I was just given my own show.... SOLO.

I am so sad and ashamed that I let it all go for that...and that's why I want to prove him wrong in this business. I struggle everyday knowing I gave up my TV career (and no it's not worth going back....I have my own consulting biz now and make great money ASIDE from this start up)....and that my fiance can say he won't be my "bitch" ....and I should "stick to my dayjob" ... and that I'm "guaranteed to fail"

You can prob see why I might have a bit of an agenda to succeed here without him...and that's why I also ask for objective advice. My past hurts may impact my decisions and I wondered if I was being unfair.


It never ceases to amaze me how optimistic we all become at the end of something.

Wish I could say I was immune. I dated a severe alcoholic for a couple of years. Constantly taking her back thinking "yeah but NOW she's different."

Even within the last couple of years she had come back into my life after many years absence and I thought "oh certainly now things are different. She'll never treat me like that agai--- oh..."

Sometimes our biggest challenge in life is that we don't face the music right here right now.

Most people have a pattern where if things aren't they way they want them to be now they live in the future. Because...

1. It hasn't happened yet

and because of that,

2. We can make up any sort of bullshit we want in our heads about how it will be.

"He'll settle down and realize he was wrong."
"She'll stop drinking and treat me better."
"He'll finally marry me like he said he would."
"She'll stop cheating and sleeping around."
"He will fall in love with me, not the 20-something assistant he just hired and knocked up."

So we create this neat little delusion that distracts us from what's really going on so we don't have to face the fear of the unknown, the fear of being alone, the fear of what MIGHT happen if we left...

Here's what I know:

There's always 3 sides of the story. His side, your side, and then there's the truth.

Ultimately... none of that even matters. What matters are your decisions now. The question is what is your standard for your life? What is the standard for your relationship? Who are you TRULY? Not this conditioned weak person you've become.

You don't get on Television without being a badass. You fought and worked hard for that. That was the person who didn't take sh*t from anybody. And I'm guessing that's the person this man fell in love with.

You are no longer this person... she's in there -- but until you bring out that badass bitch again -- nothing will be solved.

This "woe is me attitude" is your real problem. You're stronger than this but in THIS emotional state you don't have the guts to stand up for yourself let alone tell this guy to go f*ck himself.

Who were you BEFORE all of this? Who were you when you were at the top of your game? Who were you then?
 

masterneme

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Dr. Surgeon McHandsome (taken from here because the name is hilarious) is right, YOU. WILL.FAIL.

For two reasons:

1)You stay with him, an extremely destructive person who everyone (apparently) is telling you to send to hell.

2)You don't have what it takes. You already know what to do and are not doing it.

-You don't need therapy, coaching or whatever, you need to dump him ASAP.
-If it's your name the one written down on the company papers it doesn't matter what the guy says because you will win. Can you imagine the situation?:

"Hey judge I'm a surgeon with no money, I treated this lady and the ones before like sh!t and they can testify it's true, I didn't help at all, I even tried to sabotage and threatened her, I made her lose a deal with an investor, my name isn't written on any contracts nor founding documents and I never lent her any money... But look, I have this pretty face and I drove her once to a meeting! Therefore I demand 60% equity and a gazillion dollars..."

Doesn't it sound ridiculous?

-You're also spending too much time talking about irrelevant things instead of how to hustle better. Your focus isn't in what is actually important.

And do you really need investors for your business to take off? Can't you just start small and scale it up from there? If things don't work out you could get into DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP trouble.
 
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Kung Fu Steve

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So well said, 'Kung Fu Steve'....now I know why people kept telling me to consult you.

This really doesn't pertain to the business part -- but through therapy and reflection now -- I know what drew him to me. He loved that a big tv anchor was all over him. He posted pictures all over social media and he was head over heels with me....because I stroked his ego. I fell hard and it wasn't until I started asserting some independence...that trouble began.

I was fresh off of divorce and felt like this amazing, wealthy, good looking surgeon LOVED ME...I better take it! Fast. And the fights began...when he told me he couldn't continue long distance after 4 months...either I get engaged to him and he 'will take care of me' .... and quit my job....or he couldn't make it work.

The fights were awful but I kept giving in....I became weaker and weaker. The point is he HATES the go getter that I was (and still am to a degree). He doesn't like ANY moment or situation that he can't control. He wants to make sure I fail unless he is involved and can take credit.

So, you ask ...where is the bad a$$? I'm still in there...but hard to reach now. I lost my significance. I won more than a dozen regional Emmy awards...I was very good at what I did. I was on the fast track to one of the largest markets in the country -- and when I left I was just given my own show.... SOLO.

I am so sad and ashamed that I let it all go for that...and that's why I want to prove him wrong in this business. I struggle everyday knowing I gave up my TV career (and no it's not worth going back....I have my own consulting biz now and make great money ASIDE from this start up)....and that my fiance can say he won't be my "bitch" ....and I should "stick to my dayjob" ... and that I'm "guaranteed to fail"

You can prob see why I might have a bit of an agenda to succeed here without him...and that's why I also ask for objective advice. My past hurts may impact my decisions and I wondered if I was being unfair.

I can't tell you to leave the guy. I don't know him. I don't know you.

I do question whether the person you TRULY are would be attracted to a person like that.

This is a much bigger conversation than someone can have on a forum... but either way you have some decisions to make... a REAL decision. Burn the boats, take the island... said in another way: shit or get off the pot.
 

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I think you could help me a lot...

I'm new to this forum and I don't see a way to direct message you. Please let me know the best way to work with you. Someone here said you are a coach.

Thanks..


I can't tell you to leave the guy. I don't know him. I don't know you.

I do question whether the person you TRULY are would be attracted to a person like that.

This is a much bigger conversation than someone can have on a forum... but either way you have some decisions to make... a REAL decision. Burn the boats, take the island... said in another way: sh*t or get off the pot.
 

ChrisR

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I think you could help me a lot...

I'm new to this forum and I don't see a way to direct message you. Please let me know the best way to work with you. Someone here said you are a coach.

Thanks..

If you aren't going to listen to everyone here or your therapist, you probably aren't going listen to him either.

At this point you're just wasting everyone's time.
 
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Kung Fu Steve

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If she'll step up and do it, @Kung Fu Steve put her first hour on my tab.

@legaljanie he'll change you life.

We've already had a quick chat.

I don't have time for private 1-on-1's these days and I would only do it if I could make the shift in one session.

Unfortunately there's not enough drive there to make a shift yet -- I hope in the future that changes... but we all have our own paths.

Sucks to see people suffer though.
 

legaljanie

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Actually, you could help me make a shift. I did ask you for a referral for a private coach...since you declined. That's because I don't think a big group mastermind will help me accomplish what I need to accomplish. I clearly need direct help.

Please let me know if you can reconsider. I would be grateful. Honestly, I think I could be a VERY strong testimonial for you... in your ongoing work. Just my 2 cents.

We've already had a quick chat.

I don't have time for private 1-on-1's these days and I would only do it if I could make the shift in one session.

Unfortunately there's not enough drive there to make a shift yet -- I hope in the future that changes... but we all have our own paths.

Sucks to see people suffer though.
 
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MTEE1985

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Please let me know if you can reconsider. I would be grateful. Honestly, I think I could be a VERY strong testimonial for you... in your ongoing work. Just my 2 cents.


This is interesting to read and not to pick on @legaljanie because I think you’ll be fine but demonstrates how your fiancé is acting toward your business. He wants rewards with no risk. He’s telling you that he’ll help and add value AFTER he gets his wishes.

You’re telling Steve that IF he helps you, THEN you’ll help him via testimonials. He clearly knows his stuff and has taken time out to help you for FREE. Why not be a testimonial and referral source for him first and then see if that value you’ve given him is worth his time in helping you directly?

I happen to be in his group and I can tell you 100% that even if I left it I would tell everybody I know about it because it is that good.
 

legaljanie

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Yes you are absolutely right. He did help me for free and I am grateful and would happily be a testimonial just based on that.

The thing that may be misconstrued though is I was not trying to say he would be “so lucky to get my testimonial”

That’s not why i said that.

My point was that I feel as if I’m a train wreck and as a former TV person we were always looking for good case studies and I thought that might showcase his skills in an extreme situation.

Either way ...I’m grateful and I did not mention that testimonial as a holier than though type of comment. I truly meant it as...damn if he can fix her...he can fix anyone.

But what he pointed out is no one can fix me. I have to fix myself.


This is interesting to read and not to pick on @legaljanie because I think you’ll be fine but demonstrates how your fiancé is acting toward your business. He wants rewards with no risk. He’s telling you that he’ll help and add value AFTER he gets his wishes.

You’re telling Steve that IF he helps you, THEN you’ll help him via testimonials. He clearly knows his stuff and has taken time out to help you for FREE. Why not be a testimonial and referral source for him first and then see if that value you’ve given him is worth his time in helping you directly?

I happen to be in his group and I can tell you 100% that even if I left it I would tell everybody I know about it because it is that good.
Yes
 

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Please let me know if you can reconsider. I would be grateful. Honestly, I think I could be a VERY strong testimonial for you... in your ongoing work. Just my 2 cents.

I think what MTEE meant is how you perceived the potential help is different. You wrote "I think I could be a VERY strong testimonial for you" as a benefit for him to help you. It's basically saying that another reason to help you was (insert benefit to Steve) vs. another reason to help you is (showing that you are willing to change and you can become independent and move on).

It's just an external way of thinking like how when people ask you to do something for free, they point out the publicity or potential clients that you may get vs. the benefit that you can bring to their event. They think that you are motivated by personal gain vs. accomplishments. Do you think Steve really cares about a testimonial?

For example:

Can you donate 1000 dog collars to my charity event? There may be celebrities there who might discover your product and post it on IG.

vs.

Can you donate 1000 dog collars to my charity event? With the donation we might be able to raise $5000 more and it would help us buy a new AC unit for the dogs in the kennel. Right now the summers are so hot for them.

Which one do you think would more likely get my donation?
 
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legaljanie

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I understand. And I think testimonial was wrong word. I should have sans case study. But, yes I get your point loud and clear. And no he clearly doesn’t care about my testimonial. You are right. My apology.


I think what MTEE meant is how you perceived the potential help is different. You wrote "I think I could be a VERY strong testimonial for you" as a benefit for him to help you. It's basically saying that another reason to help you was (insert benefit to Steve) vs. another reason to help you is (showing that you are willing to change and you can become independent and move on).

It's just an external way of thinking like how when people ask you to do something for free, they point out the publicity or potential clients that you may get vs. the benefit that you can bring to their event. They think that you are motivated by personal gain vs. accomplishments. Do you think Steve really cares about a testimonial?

For example:

Can you donate 1000 dog collars to my charity event? There may be celebrities there who might discover your product and post it on IG.

vs.

Can you donate 1000 dog collars to my charity event? With the donation we might be able to raise $5000 more and it would help us buy a new AC unit for the dogs in the kennel. Right now the summers are so hot for them.

Which one do you think would more likely get my donation?
 

Mattie

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I asked him how much equity he wants. he wouldn't commit. I said 3%? 5%? He said no....and he wouldn't sign an NDA or any documents that prevent him future ownership.
I think this personally your relationship issues with this man. In general you allow him to cross your emotional, mental, financial, business, boundaries. Whether you have a business or not, you are allowing someone else to run the show in your life and not standing up for yourself. If you company is in your name I doubt he can do anything other than what you allow him to do. I am not a legal advocate, but you would have to ask these questions to a lawyer and whether you have any written contracts with this person.

This is general bullying, intimidation, manipulation, threats, and harassment. He's barking, because he knows he can rattle your emotions, thoughts, and feelings. The more you allow him to upset you, the more he sets you up to fail even if you do have a law suit. i would learn some emotional intelligence, social intelligence, and learn how to regulate your emotions.

This is just typical behavior we see in relationships when it comes to finances, business, and divorce. Whenever it comes to land, property, children, and materialism, this is dominance over submission. Human nature doesn't know how to play nice when it comes to shared resources. I've never seen anyone play nice in these situations.

This is your choice to be in a relationship with this person or allow them in your business. This also depends on your self-worth as a woman. How much do you believe you're worth? The type of men you date determines how you feel about yourself.

I doubt a man who really respects you would act like this in a business partnership. I believe they would help you, push you to be independent, and allow you to make your choices. They would be busy in their own business world and only advise you once in awhile if you really couldn't figure something out yourself.
 

njsinko

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If you become very successful and start generating big revenue, you can guarantee that there will be a legal challenge, and you could lose everything. Time to choose - your relationship or your business?

I have seen people lose millions because they "trusted" their partner not to try to take it away.

Talk to a lawyer, but I would say get out.
 
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MTEE1985

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I understand. And I think testimonial was wrong word. I should have sans case study. But, yes I get your point loud and clear. And no he clearly doesn’t care about my testimonial. You are right. My apology.

Bio put it better than me. My
comment was not meant as a dig on you @legaljanie but rather as an observation for that same mentality out of your fiancé. From your side of the story he sounds like his attitude is 100% “what can you do for me, and if I find it sufficient then I will help you.” He wants money, notoriety etc. You on the other hand want to see something you’ve built succeed.

I do not believe you had any ill intent with your comments about coaching from Steve.
 

ChrisR

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I clearly need direct help.

Isn't that what your therapist is for?

Seems like you already have "direct help" and it's not doing shit. Nothing anyone says or does is going to help you because you don't want to help yourself.
 

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