Entrepreneurship and dating - can they coexist?

[tigerbalm]

I'm curious to hear some people's opinions on entrepreneurship and how it relates to dating. I'm a early 30's guy with some, but not extensive dating experience, particularly with longer term relationships. I was very clueless up until around 25 years old and by sheer force of will have somehow managed to have a decent dating life since then. Nothing too serious or long term. I have gotten more successful with dating by focusing on it. Like focusing a lot to improve myself and my interactions. Probably at the cost of pursuing business goals. I feel like at my age I am at a crossroads: I am interested in longer term, genuine, and authentic relationships, and I'm interested in finding a partner. However, that almost seems like a part time job in and of itself. I am a high earner at my day job, but have never built a successful business, (actually never have built an unsuccessful one either) and I recently came to realize that it might be this focus on dating that has been partially distracting me. I almost feel that I'm at an age where dating should be a priority, since opportunities for what I want (potential family, growing with a partner) will become more limited with age, whereas age is not a factor with business.

So anyways, I am curious to hear the Fastlane perspective on this. I would distill it into the following questions:

1. Have you sacrificed romantic relationships to work on your financial / business goals? If so, how did it end up working out?
2. Did you have more success in dating, after achieving some of those financial goals? I'm not trying to bring this in the "people are attracted to money" direction, but perhaps in the "how did you grow / feel / behave as a result of your success?"
3. Have you ever worked on both dating, and business, at the same time, with successful results?
4. Any success stories with dating later in life after focusing on entrepreneurship early? Late 30's - 40's+?
5. Any other input / wisdom?

Anyways, really appreciate any input anyone has, whether it's their own experiences, or general guidance.

 

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[BizyDad]

1. Have you sacrificed romantic relationships to work on your financial / business goals? If so, how did it end up working out?

I did the exact opposite. I sacrificed my business/ financial goals for the sake of a relationship and family. I married a woman with a business, I divorced a government bureaucrat.

Such is life. I made my choices, she made hers, and I'm at peace with the results. I have two wonderful kids. Her and I are on good terms, and now I pursue my business goals with much more vigor.

2. Did you have more success in dating, after achieving some of those financial goals? I'm not trying to bring this in the "people are attracted to money" direction, but perhaps in the "how did you grow / feel / behave as a result of your success?"

I would say I'm equally successful in dating now as I was back in my early thirties.

I would say I grew as a man more from having the relationship, and it's failure, than I did from business success.

If anything, I'm a lot better at "breaking up" now more than I ever was then. Things tend to be more respectful overall.

As a result of the success I have, I am maybe a little choosier now in who I date.

3. Have you ever worked on both dating, and business, at the same time, with successful results?

Not really, no. I define a successful relationship is a long-term partnership leading to marriage.

In my marriage my business was a source of conflict. To be more precise, her/my attitude towards my business was a source of conflict (She believed in work-life balance, I don't).

But I only recently decided that if I'm going to date, I'm probably only going to date other entrepreneurs. Most of the women I've dated in my life have not owned a business. We'll see how that goes...

4. Any success stories with dating later in life? Late 30's - 40's+?

In a lot of ways, dating is easier now. In some ways, it's harder. But more than anything, I would say it's just different.

But I'm a guy who's always enjoyed dating. I enjoy meeting people. I enjoy connecting with people from different walks of life.

If there is someone worthwhile in my life, I make time for them. If not, I focus on my kids and my businesses.

5. Any other input / wisdom?

No one can tell you the right or wrong answer. It's your life. You think this through. You make your choice. You live with the results.

Lastly, I hear a little bit of the old "biological clock is ticking" type of speak in some of your questions. I had children later than most. I was 38 when I had my first.

It keeps you young, man. It gives you extra motivation. If the whole reason you're doing this is because your "clock is ticking", don't rush to force something if it ain't there.

Focus on starting the right business. Focus on finding the right partner.

And in the meantime, enjoy the process. I personally believe you can have your cake and eat it too when it comes to this...

Hope that helps.

 

[Subsonic]

I did the exact opposite. I sacrificed my business/ financial goals for the sake of a relationship and family. I married a woman with a business, I divorced a government bureaucrat.

Such is life. I made my choices, she made hers, and I'm at peace with the results. I have two wonderful kids. Her and I are on good terms, and now I pursue my business goals with much more vigor.



I would say I'm equally successful in dating now as I was back in my early thirties.

I would say I grew as a man more from having the relationship, and it's failure, than I did from business success.

If anything, I'm a lot better at "breaking up" now more than I ever was then. Things tend to be more respectful overall.

As a result of the success I have, I am maybe a little choosier now in who I date.



Not really, no. I define a successful relationship is a long-term partnership leading to marriage.

In my marriage my business was a source of conflict. To be more precise, her/my attitude towards my business was a source of conflict (She believed in work-life balance, I don't).

But I only recently decided that if I'm going to date, I'm probably only going to date other entrepreneurs. Most of the women I've dated in my life have not owned a business. We'll see how that goes...



In a lot of ways, dating is easier now. In some ways, it's harder. But more than anything, I would say it's just different.

But I'm a guy who's always enjoyed dating. I enjoy meeting people. I enjoy connecting with people from different walks of life.

If there is someone worthwhile in my life, I make time for them. If not, I focus on my kids and my businesses.



No one can tell you the right or wrong answer. It's your life. You think this through. You make your choice. You live with the results.

Lastly, I hear a little bit of the old "biological clock is ticking" type of speak in some of your questions. I had children later than most. I was 37 when I had my first.

It keeps you young, man. It gives you extra motivation. If the whole reason you're doing this is because your "clock is ticking", don't rush to force something if it ain't there.

Focus on starting the right business. Focus on finding the right partner.

And in the meantime, enjoy the process. I personally believe you can have your cake and eat it too when it comes to this...

Hope that helps.

This is a great reply.
Even though I didn't ask the question I am still grateful you took the time to write this. It was very insightful to read.

 

[BizyDad]

This is a great reply.
Even though I didn't ask the question I am still grateful you took the time to write this. It was very insightful to read.

There's one more thing I think to consider...

I think for slow laners, the clock ticking phenomenon is more real. They ideally want to stop having to pay for their kids college well before the time retirement hits or whatever.

But if we entrepreneurs are people capable of creating multiple eight figure exit events, what do we care about when the kids go to college or how much college will cost, or how old I will be when all that takes place?

Shoot, my kids might not even go to college. Both of them are already talking about what businesses they want to start... They are 9 and 6.

My boy wants to be an architect, so you know, he'll probably need to go to college...

My daughter plays "juice stand". The girl has a full-on business plan. A whiteboard. Her stuffed animals are assigned roles. Different jobs each day. She writes up scripts for how they handle the drive-thru. She teaches the cashier arithmetic so they know how to handle giving change. She has a different whiteboard for the daily prices. A stuffed animal got in trouble the other day for having a bad attitude. "You do not talk that way to customers".

She's the 6-year-old.

Fam, I'm not kidding when I say, I didn't teach her any of this. And we know her mama didn't teach her any of this (I asked. Lol). She's just learning this by osmosis. I didn't used to believe this, but maybe some rare people are just born entrepreneurs. Lolololol.

 

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[Johnny boy]

You will likely become a depressed weirdo if all you do is focus entirely on work just so you can get money and still feel completely inadequate because the only reason a woman would ever be around you is because of your money since you have no game.

However, if you build your social skills, get in great shape, have your fun with the ladies, and then get back to work on your business, you will forever have the identity of being an attractive man.

I had all my fun first. And now it’s part of my identity. I don’t need money to be attractive. I understand that at the root of it, ‘girls just wanna have fun’.

Common mistake, men end up as this guy.




Don’t do that. Always go for young rich and handsome.

The next level is using the leverage of fame or mini-fame to remove the manual, tedious nature of dating. I would much rather have to fend off DM’s daily than spend 20 hours a week doing everything manually and talking 1-1 to people at the mall or a bar or only socializing at a party that happens once every couple months.

I have sacrificed a bit of it to focus in on my business, but after having some fun at 17-22. Enough to engrain it into your natural personality.

 

[tigerbalm]

I did the exact opposite. I sacrificed my business/ financial goals for the sake of a relationship and family. I married a woman with a business, I divorced a government bureaucrat.

Such is life. I made my choices, she made hers, and I'm at peace with the results. I have two wonderful kids. Her and I are on good terms, and now I pursue my business goals with much more vigor.



I would say I'm equally successful in dating now as I was back in my early thirties.

I would say I grew as a man more from having the relationship, and it's failure, than I did from business success.

If anything, I'm a lot better at "breaking up" now more than I ever was then. Things tend to be more respectful overall.

As a result of the success I have, I am maybe a little choosier now in who I date.



Not really, no. I define a successful relationship is a long-term partnership leading to marriage.

In my marriage my business was a source of conflict. To be more precise, her/my attitude towards my business was a source of conflict (She believed in work-life balance, I don't).

But I only recently decided that if I'm going to date, I'm probably only going to date other entrepreneurs. Most of the women I've dated in my life have not owned a business. We'll see how that goes...



In a lot of ways, dating is easier now. In some ways, it's harder. But more than anything, I would say it's just different.

But I'm a guy who's always enjoyed dating. I enjoy meeting people. I enjoy connecting with people from different walks of life.

If there is someone worthwhile in my life, I make time for them. If not, I focus on my kids and my businesses.



No one can tell you the right or wrong answer. It's your life. You think this through. You make your choice. You live with the results.

Lastly, I hear a little bit of the old "biological clock is ticking" type of speak in some of your questions. I had children later than most. I was 37 when I had my first.

It keeps you young, man. It gives you extra motivation. If the whole reason you're doing this is because your "clock is ticking", don't rush to force something if it ain't there.

Focus on starting the right business. Focus on finding the right partner.

And in the meantime, enjoy the process. I personally believe you can have your cake and eat it too when it comes to this...

Hope that helps.

This is a great reply, and helps very much, thanks so much for sharing your experiences! The biological clock is definitely a consideration, but it's more that I rarely meet people who meet my criteria for a long term partner, so I spend substantial time seeking them out to increase the odds. Perhaps the solution is lowering my standards for relationships, but that doesn't quite feel right.

Thanks again for taking the time to respond, that was exactly some of what I was hoping for.

 

[gilli]

My question on this topic is, if you are rich, do you pull out this joker on the first date and indirectly tell the woman that you are a millionaire or not to get the benefits of wealth?
Or do you leave it out to test her if she is not a gold-digger?

 

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[tigerbalm]

You will likely become a depressed weirdo if all you do is focus entirely on work just so you can get money and still feel completely inadequate because the only reason a woman would ever be around you is because of your money since you have no game.

However, if you build your social skills, get in great shape, have your fun with the ladies, and then get back to work on your business, you will forever have the identity of being an attractive man.

I had all my fun first. And now it’s part of my identity. I don’t need money to be attractive. I understand that at the root of it, ‘girls just wanna have fun’.

Common mistake, men end up as this guy.

View attachment 48236


Don’t do that. Always go for young rich and handsome.

The next level is using the leverage of fame or mini-fame to remove the manual, tedious nature of dating. I would much rather have to fend off DM’s daily than spend 20 hours a week doing everything manually and talking 1-1 to people at the mall or a bar or only socializing at a party that happens once every couple months.

I have sacrificed a bit of it to focus in on my business, but after having some fun at 17-22. Enough to engrain it into your natural personality.

Thanks for the response man. Your mini fame comment is interesting. The 20 hours a week of manual 1-1's comment resonates with me a lot - that's kind of where I've been, going out to meet people which is time consuming and distracting. Probably need to work on the "just want to have fun" part as well

 

[Bohemi]

Interesting thread this one. From this woman's perspective I would just like to add a few things:

girls just wanna have fun’

GIRLS just wants to have fun. That might be true. And hell yeah if you are looking for a girl, then by all means take that frase and go with it. WOMEN on the other hand, expect more from you than a GIRL would. So depending what kind of lady you want by your side, think of what kind of man you would be walking side by side with her. Being proud of who you are, while being kind and caring, has more attraction than money, if you ask me (and most of my female friends will agree with me)

There is so many people out there looking for love, and some will love you for your money, while others will think less of you if you had more money than you could ever need.

I have this feeling that male entrepreneurs are worried about women only takes them for the money, while female entrepreneurs worries about men will reject them if we have more succes that they do.

Maybe @BizyDad is on to something here...

But I only recently decided that if I'm going to date, I'm probably only going to date other entrepreneurs. Most of the women I've dated in my life have not owned a business. We'll see how that goes...

But in my case being an entrepreneur isn't neccasarily enough, having an unscripted mindset is the fastlane to me, my life and my world <3

 

[Johnny boy]

Interesting thread this one. From this woman's perspective I would just like to add a few things:



GIRLS just wants to have fun. That might be true. And hell yeah if you are looking for a girl, then by all means take that frase and go with it. WOMEN on the other hand, expect more from you than a GIRL would. So depending what kind of lady you want by your side, think of what kind of man you would be walking side by side with her. Being proud of who you are, while being kind and caring, has more attraction than money, if you ask me (and most of my female friends will agree with me)

There is so many people out there looking for love, and some will love you for your money, while others will think less of you if you had more money than you could ever need.

I have this feeling that male entrepreneurs are worried about women only takes them for the money, while female entrepreneurs worries about men will reject them if we have more succes that they do.

Maybe @BizyDad is on to something here...

But in my case being an entrepreneur isn't neccasarily enough, having an unscripted mindset is the fastlane to me, my life and my world <3

I’ll just keep my mouth shut before I get kicked off of here

 

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[tigerbalm]

Interesting thread this one. From this woman's perspective I would just like to add a few things:



GIRLS just wants to have fun. That might be true. And hell yeah if you are looking for a girl, then by all means take that frase and go with it. WOMEN on the other hand, expect more from you than a GIRL would. So depending what kind of lady you want by your side, think of what kind of man you would be walking side by side with her. Being proud of who you are, while being kind and caring, has more attraction than money, if you ask me (and most of my female friends will agree with me)

There is so many people out there looking for love, and some will love you for your money, while others will think less of you if you had more money than you could ever need.

I have this feeling that male entrepreneurs are worried about women only takes them for the money, while female entrepreneurs worries about men will reject them if we have more succes that they do.

Maybe @BizyDad is on to something here...

But in my case being an entrepreneur isn't neccasarily enough, having an unscripted mindset is the fastlane to me, my life and my world <3

That is fascinating input! It is interesting to hear the other side of the coin: female entrepreneurs being concerned about being rejected for their level of success, I had not considered this. Thank you for sharing this perspective

 

[Kevin88660]

I'm curious to hear some people's opinions on entrepreneurship and how it relates to dating. I'm a early 30's guy with some, but not extensive dating experience, particularly with longer term relationships. I was very clueless up until around 25 years old and by sheer force of will have somehow managed to have a decent dating life since then. Nothing too serious or long term. I have gotten more successful with dating by focusing on it. Like focusing a lot to improve myself and my interactions. Probably at the cost of pursuing business goals. I feel like at my age I am at a crossroads: I am interested in longer term, genuine, and authentic relationships, and I'm interested in finding a partner. However, that almost seems like a part time job in and of itself. I am a high earner at my day job, but have never built a successful business, (actually never have built an unsuccessful one either) and I recently came to realize that it might be this focus on dating that has been partially distracting me. I almost feel that I'm at an age where dating should be a priority, since opportunities for what I want (potential family, growing with a partner) will become more limited with age, whereas age is not a factor with business.

So anyways, I am curious to hear the Fastlane perspective on this. I would distill it into the following questions:

1. Have you sacrificed romantic relationships to work on your financial / business goals? If so, how did it end up working out?
2. Did you have more success in dating, after achieving some of those financial goals? I'm not trying to bring this in the "people are attracted to money" direction, but perhaps in the "how did you grow / feel / behave as a result of your success?"
3. Have you ever worked on both dating, and business, at the same time, with successful results?
4. Any success stories with dating later in life after focusing on entrepreneurship early? Late 30's - 40's+?
5. Any other input / wisdom?

Anyways, really appreciate any input anyone has, whether it's their own experiences, or general guidance.

I think there is no fastlane perspective on this. Everyone has different priorities, values and upbrings.

The key questions is whether you see relationship as a mean or an end. You seem to feel it both ways. It feels like a job to you but somehow you long for an authentic long term relationship.

The greatest pitfall in a relationship is financial. If you take up debts (house and cars) and expense liability (family and newborn) too much, quitting your job to do a business becomes impossible. Doing a side hustle becomes impossible due to lack of time. You barely have much sleep after changing diapers. When things become bad enough, the relationship will fall apart.

 

[lionessa]

while female entrepreneurs worries about men will reject them if we have more succes that they do.

Hi Bohemi:
I think women, who achieved something significant could care less about being more successful than their partners. Maybe what you are describing is more of a slow lane mentality. Fast lane women are more confident than that. What do you think?

 

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[Black_Dragon43]

In my experience, the values of both partners are more important than their financial status.

You can’t form a team if goals, values and way of life is different.

I can be with a playgirl who just wants to have fun as @Johnny boy says, but she won’t make me happy in the long run, simply because running from club to club, partying and constant travel around the world would bore me to death.

So that means that if I were to do that, the relationship would be inherently unstable. Meaning at some point it would need to break off, because ultimately we are two very different people. We can have fun together, but we can’t build something.

I get along very well with my girlfriend for 5 years because we share common values and common purposes. And we have a similar approach to life. This means she is encouraging of my business and gives me the freedom I need to develop.

 

[DMass]

I've been with my Mrs for 15 years, married for 9. I'm 36 and consider myself incredibly fortunate to have met her so early on in life.

I see her as my rock, my partner. She is the Yin to my Yang quite literally.

My goals and aspirations are different to hers, my tastes and likes are different to hers. Yet we work really well together.

I'm always pushing for the next level, to hit the next revenue target, the next milestone. She's is happy and content with what we have.

Even though we have different goals and aspirations we support each other fully. I never force my drive and ambition on her and she never forces her more laid back approach on me.

There are times we compromise, she's happy for me to push hard most the time as long as I take time to stop and smell the roses. I'm happy for her to enjoy a more laid back lifestyle as long as she supports me in my endeavours.

Too often were lead to believe everything is a zero sum game. Black and white with no grey area. Win or lose.

That's absolute crap.

The reason the world is so f*cked up at the moment is because no one is willing to compromise. Hell, people aren't even willing to listen to others opinions, let alone enter into a coherent and logically conversation.

Bringing it back to your points.

1. I constantly balance between business and family life/relationships. I have 2 children too. I believe it's a balancing act, life is about seasons. Seasons of pushing hard and focusing on business. Seasons of spending quality down time with friends and family.

2. My wife has been with me through the good times and bad. When I didn't even have enough money for rent through to the point of no longer worrying about bills. I'm not a millionaire... Yet, but I'm not counting every penny either. My personal view is that money opens up the pool of potential partner more, but that doesn't mean it improves the quality.

3. I work on business and family life constantly. Just because I'm working on one doesn't mean I can't work on the other. Prime example. When the kids come home from school I take a hour out of my day to say hello, make them a snack, make my wife a brew and spend time with them. Then I got back to work for a few more hours.

4. I can't really offer any advice on this. Just that who I am now is completely different to who I was 10 years ago and even more so 20 years ago. I'm much more comfortable with who I am now and so is my wife.

5. Don't look at life as a single goal game. Here's a question I pose back to you. Why can't you work your a$$ off and build a business while also building a loving family life and relationships?

 

[James Klymus]

Up until I was 25 years old (I’m 27 now) I had consistent girlfriends. I was mostly in long term relationships (6+ months).

I’ve had some amazing experiences in my life, and almost all of them were with a girlfriend at my side. Some of the happiest moments of my life, and some of the most painful, were all with women.

But the crazy thing is, Any time I noticed growth in my life, it was the 1-2 months in between relationships.

I started going to the gym. Started thinking about a move in my career. Finally going after that business or starting that YouTube channel. Things like that.

When I had a girlfriend I found it so much easier to be distracted and procrastinate.

I can say with 100% certainty women ARE a “distraction” (for me).

For the average person, Dating is time consuming. And it’s time that you could have been focused on building something.

But that’s life, You make choices and those choices have consequences. If you spend all of your time chasing women, you probably won’t be successful financially. If you spend all of your time working, and you have no social life, you probably won’t be successful with women.

Back to what I said earlier about being single for 2 years now. I haven’t been on a date in months, but I’m making the most money I ever have in my life. Largely because I don’t have to worry about spending time and money on dates, or a girl nagging me to hang out. This phase won’t last forever though. It can be lonely, And I’m not here to live a one dimensional life.

Also, if you find someone who is also an entrepreneur, you could both build together. I’m not a fan of involving my romantic relationships in business, but I know people who have had success with their business partner also being their spouse.

 

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[Johnny boy]

I won't say anything else but if you know, you know. And if you don't, probably not worth arguing about anyways.

Just remember to listen to who you want to end up like. And don't let people tell you you're a bad person for knowing what you want.

 

[Primeperiwinkle]

Married 20 years to my first husband who never shared my work ethic. I was the breadwinner. We had two kids before I realized I could escape. I’m a messy human being with a crazy past. I’ve had three businesses, one bankruptcy, and one business that made me 9k a month before the plandemic happened. I’ve been married two years to my second husband who I met on this forum. He’s amazing.

When you search for a job you can ask yourself two questions.
1. What can this company do for me? - How are they a good match for my values, my skills, and my energy?
2. Why am I a great fit for them? - How will my skills, values, and energy help this company succeed?

If you do the exact same thing when you’re dating you’ll be more efficient.

Your future mate is not perfect. They will have issues. Would you prefer them to have issues with needing comfort food and cuddles or cleaning in a fit of rage while they ignore you? Fat or thin? Old or young? Blonde or not? Which of those can you help with?? Figure out the top two physical qualities you want in a match and then forget the rest. The universe will surprise you. List ALL of the innate, emotional or spiritual qualities you’d love to find in a significant other, in order of priority. Again.. the universe will surprise you.

Values:
a) religion
b) intimacy
c) money
d) children/family
e) health

If you sat down right now and figured out where your hard boundaries are on those values you’d double your efficiency for finding someone. How can you benefit someone based on those values? Are you willing to date someone with weaker values? How will you be helped by someone who has more passionate beliefs? Where are your fuzzy boundaries?

When you’re more mature than your date she’s going to act ridiculous sometimes. Is that ok? Do you want her to be more graceful than you are? That means you might be the one who acts like a weirdo. Are you ok being the weird dorky one? Do you want to be equals in EVERY area? Really? (Tell yourself the truth. This matters.)

Skills:
a) emotional maturity/stability
b) knowledge
c) etiquette
d) grit/stamina/diligence
e) charisma

Energy: who does this person respect, fear, admire, listen to or think about? (Besides you.) God? Their dead father? Their disapproving mother? Who?? ALL their energy is connected to that. Really.

Go places where people that YOU can help hang out. But don’t go because you’re looking for a mate. Go because you know you can be a blessing, contribute some benefit, help that type of person and genuinely enjoy those types of people.

Describe your ideal “customer”. They’re out there right now needing the wisdom, advice, and life that you bring to the table.

Many of those women need a brother figure not a lover. (Same goes for men who need sister figures.) People need people! I have met so many stunningly gorgeous women who deserved a great guy but had no idea they were wretched at being vulnerable.

As a woman I cannot teach them that. I cannot teach them that men are safe or good or valiant or precious. I can and do tell them! But they need to meet guys like that to learn.

If they have any chance of learning how to respect men (and therefore open up and be themselves around men) they will have to learn it from men who can interact and inform them that men can be trusted, men can be strong, men can be chivalrous and not swayed by foolishness.

We need more healthy interactions between people in public venues. You can increase your community’s health by caring about people.

Men learn how to be men from other men but they learn how to value women from meeting excellent women. So we all need to meet more people!

You can start a business because you want to get something or you can start a business wanting to contribute something of worth. Dating is exactly the same.

Truthfully, we should all take the time to try and figure out both. What are you really trying to get? What can you really offer?

There are tons of great people in the world who will respect you and love you and be faithful. But you have to work at finding their circles, connecting, showing that you’re decent.. basically everything a real business has to do. Find your niche, then commit to meeting them for coffee. Lol. Don’t pay for anything besides a coffee!!

Offer your time. Be careful. My heart breaks for the incredibly good, decent people on this forum who are single. They deserve excellent mates. I wish I could be a matchmaker. I really do.

Bonus points if you realize that your “product” would greatly benefit several different types of niches. You can meet some church people and some athletes in the same week and some musicians and some single moms. All of those groups will benefit from your time investment. And you can begin to participate in some of those groups online. That’s fine. Just start.

For instance, when I was dating I took a long look at myself and realized that most white American men didn’t feel comfortable with constant touch. (Intimacy value) I looked around for a niche that did value that. Turns out there’s a Welsh word for cuddling, cuddling is a legit part of their culture. Cool right? I knew I valued that.

Meanwhile, I didn’t want more kids. I knew if a guy wanted more I would disappoint him. I wouldn’t be an asset to a man who strongly, passionately wanted children.

I also knew that I’m a natural fan so attending sporting events would be fun to me. I don’t mind a guy who’s obsessed with sports. I can be louder than he is! But I don’t cook, ever. These types of things are really important to figure out.

I dated while working on my business. Sometimes it made life a lot more complicated. But finding someone was incredibly important to me. I worked hard at it. I had to. I knew that *I* needed to change to be worth a good guy. I was willing to change.

I ended up giving up my business to get married. It took me a few years to realize that my identity was more connected to my business than I ever imagined and without my career? I felt lost. Life is a mixture of sacrifices and hidden surprises. But that’s another story. I’m thankful I made the decision even if it’s not always easy.

If being a Fastlane entrepreneur is part of your money value, then it makes perfect sense to only date other entrepreneurs or people who are familiar with that mindset and value it. Same with church people, exercise ppl, book people, coffee people, etc. When you date outside your values you’re asking for punishment. If you don’t know your values you should talk with people who have successful marriages while you decide. Do real research. Ask them about their lives. Figure it out.

All that aside, I think our sexual energy is somehow mystically connected with our ability to create wealth. We can expend ourselves on one or the other but never both simultaneously. So if you’re dating and you want to make money I’d recommend staying celibate in seasons when you need the energy to accomplish your goals.

Sorry for this giant post but.. this matters a lot to me. Relationships and family and community are all so very important.

 

[Kevin88660]

I've been with my Mrs for 15 years, married for 9. I'm 36 and consider myself incredibly fortunate to have met her so early on in life.

I see her as my rock, my partner. She is the Yin to my Yang quite literally.

My goals and aspirations are different to hers, my tastes and likes are different to hers. Yet we work really well together.

I'm always pushing for the next level, to hit the next revenue target, the next milestone. She's is happy and content with what we have.

Even though we have different goals and aspirations we support each other fully. I never force my drive and ambition on her and she never forces her more laid back approach on me.

There are times we compromise, she's happy for me to push hard most the time as long as I take time to stop and smell the roses. I'm happy for her to enjoy a more laid back lifestyle as long as she supports me in my endeavours.

Too often were lead to believe everything is a zero sum game. Black and white with no grey area. Win or lose.

That's absolute crap.

The reason the world is so f*cked up at the moment is because no one is willing to compromise. Hell, people aren't even willing to listen to others opinions, let alone enter into a coherent and logically conversation.

Bringing it back to your points.

1. I constantly balance between business and family life/relationships. I have 2 children too. I believe it's a balancing act, life is about seasons. Seasons of pushing hard and focusing on business. Seasons of spending quality down time with friends and family.

2. My wife has been with me through the good times and bad. When I didn't even have enough money for rent through to the point of no longer worrying about bills. I'm not a millionaire... Yet, but I'm not counting every penny either. My personal view is that money opens up the pool of potential partner more, but that doesn't mean it improves the quality.

3. I work on business and family life constantly. Just because I'm working on one doesn't mean I can't work on the other. Prime example. When the kids come home from school I take a hour out of my day to say hello, make them a snack, make my wife a brew and spend time with them. Then I got back to work for a few more hours.

4. I can't really offer any advice on this. Just that who I am now is completely different to who I was 10 years ago and even more so 20 years ago. I'm much more comfortable with who I am now and so is my wife.

5. Don't look at life as a single goal game. Here's a question I pose back to you. Why can't you work your a$$ off and build a business while also building a loving family life and relationships?

Goes back to quote from Bill Clinton “It is the economy stupid.”

Most married men are stuck with catch-22 in mid life stages while they and their spouse hope that they can make more money and afford better lifestyle, but their liabilities begin to climb faster than their income growth, and quitting their jobs means getting their houses foreclosed. Starting a side hustle after changing diaper for babies means having four hours sleep.

You earn less than your wife’s girlfriends’ husband -relationship threatcon yellow.

You earn less than your wife- relationship threatcon orange.

“Daddy daddy, why do other kids have nice toys and their parents drive nice cars,” your heart breaks.

This is basically the “rat race” model of the marriage game. Not every couple falls into these paradigm but pretty common phenomenon. There are devout catholic community who plays a different game.

Thats why single men fall into two categories. Those who gave up and play computer games after work. Those who spends every second tries to amass wealth. They don’t want to be losers of the rat race.

 

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[heavy_industry]

I don't believe in work-life balance.
I don't think it's a 0 sum game, and I don't think you should sacrifice business for your love life, or vice versa.

If you are smart about it you can have your cake and eat it too. Use the joy, love and sense of responsibility you get from home to become a better entrepreneur and work harder. Use your ambition, success and resources that you get from business to become a better husband and father.

Your long term partner can either be your greatest ally in life, or the greatest burden. Strength or weakness. Joy or misery.

It all depends on you and your partner, and how well you implement your relationship. If you do things right, your wife should be your best friend and ally.

Physical attraction is extremely important, but that's just the first filter in my book. One of the most important predictors of a successful long term relationship is sharing a similar worldview and value system.

I don't want any support from anyone. I don't need encouragement. I don't need external validation.

All I ask from my future wife is that she understands my insane ambitions and doesn't get upset if I have to lock myself in my office and work for 3 days straight.

After I finish with the business stuff, we can go on a 2 week vacation and bang 10 hours a day. I have no objections.

But I am always thinking on the long term. I understand that my fundamental responsibility as a man to my future family is to provide, protect, and lead them to victory. All that while pursuing my entrepreneurial, academic, and athletic ambitions. Not making any unnecessary sacrifices.

And I will marry a girl that shares the same worldview, probably in my mid to late 30s.

I would say I'm equally successful in dating now as I was back in my early thirties.

This doesn't surprise me, at all.

I’ve been married two years to my second husband who I met on this forum.

How awesome is that LOL

@Spenny wanna marry me?

 

[piano]

After I finish with the business stuff, we can go on a 2 week vacation and bang 10 hours a day.

Is that why you're training so hard?

 

[ZackerySprague]

Can Dating and Entrepreneurship coexist? I think yes. It will depend on who you choose as your partner.

 

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[Bohemi]

Hi Bohemi:
I think women, who achieved something significant could care less about being more successful than their partners. Maybe what you are describing is more of a slow lane mentality. Fast lane women are more confident than that. What do you think?

Hi @lionessa
Of course you are right. If you have success with whatever, be proud of it (both men and women should be proud). Maybe its the slow lane mentality, maybe its in the (Danish) culture, it could also just be me talking to the wrong people

It could also just be my own slow lane mentality talking here, it might be time for me to re-evaluate what the scripted life has taught me about men and relationships - and then unlearn all that crap

 

[lionessa]

Hi @lionessa
Of course you are right. If you have success with whatever, be proud of it (both men and women should be proud). Maybe its the slow lane mentality, maybe its in the (Danish) culture, it could also just be me talking to the wrong people

It could also just be my own slow lane mentality talking here, it might be time for me to re-evaluate what the scripted life has taught me about men and relationships - and then unlearn all that crap

Hi Bohemi

It is not you, you would not sign up to be here, I know that. It is culture, that we are accustom to. It is.

I am European also (Poland) and before I returned to my home county (very recently) I've lived in the US for over 20 years.

One thing about majority of women in the US that I could not understand was how quickly they give up on their men.

It was almost a given that if a something happens to a man: looses his job, looses a house, or becomes unsuccessful and cannot provide- she takes off like a wind, and she is done with him.
Good- bye !

My impression were that a lot of men were afraid of that scenario too- if I loose my job, my wife will leave me and take the kids and so on….

Well, maybe I am wrong too, but this was my impression.

 

[SSTrey]

That is fascinating input! It is interesting to hear the other side of the coin: female entrepreneurs being concerned about being rejected for their level of success, I had not considered this. Thank you for sharing this perspective

As much as this can be true, I highly doubt this prevents women from being their best ie. I mean women won't sit back and be less successful just because they may be rejected for it. IF anything, these woman have a higher expectation of the potential man they want.

 

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[SSTrey]

I've been with my Mrs for 15 years, married for 9. I'm 36 and consider myself incredibly fortunate to have met her so early on in life.

I see her as my rock, my partner. She is the Yin to my Yang quite literally.

My goals and aspirations are different to hers, my tastes and likes are different to hers. Yet we work really well together.

I'm always pushing for the next level, to hit the next revenue target, the next milestone. She's is happy and content with what we have.

Even though we have different goals and aspirations we support each other fully. I never force my drive and ambition on her and she never forces her more laid back approach on me.

There are times we compromise, she's happy for me to push hard most the time as long as I take time to stop and smell the roses. I'm happy for her to enjoy a more laid back lifestyle as long as she supports me in my endeavours.

Too often were lead to believe everything is a zero sum game. Black and white with no grey area. Win or lose.

That's absolute crap.

The reason the world is so f*cked up at the moment is because no one is willing to compromise. Hell, people aren't even willing to listen to others opinions, let alone enter into a coherent and logically conversation.

Bringing it back to your points.

1. I constantly balance between business and family life/relationships. I have 2 children too. I believe it's a balancing act, life is about seasons. Seasons of pushing hard and focusing on business. Seasons of spending quality down time with friends and family.

2. My wife has been with me through the good times and bad. When I didn't even have enough money for rent through to the point of no longer worrying about bills. I'm not a millionaire... Yet, but I'm not counting every penny either. My personal view is that money opens up the pool of potential partner more, but that doesn't mean it improves the quality.

3. I work on business and family life constantly. Just because I'm working on one doesn't mean I can't work on the other. Prime example. When the kids come home from school I take a hour out of my day to say hello, make them a snack, make my wife a brew and spend time with them. Then I got back to work for a few more hours.

4. I can't really offer any advice on this. Just that who I am now is completely different to who I was 10 years ago and even more so 20 years ago. I'm much more comfortable with who I am now and so is my wife.

5. Don't look at life as a single goal game. Here's a question I pose back to you. Why can't you work your a$$ off and build a business while also building a loving family life and relationships?

This is almost exactly my focus. Although every single moment won't be about balance all the time, the general rule if thumb is to be able to have it.
The way I see it is, entrepreneurs should be great at both handling stress & juggling different things at the same time, so with family, use this as training to be the best entrepreneur you can possibly be.

When you have stress, find ways to manage it, not necessarily to be without it. I heard a saying that success comes with stress.

 

[SSTrey]

I'm curious to hear some people's opinions on entrepreneurship and how it relates to dating. I'm a early 30's guy with some, but not extensive dating experience, particularly with longer term relationships. I was very clueless up until around 25 years old and by sheer force of will have somehow managed to have a decent dating life since then. Nothing too serious or long term. I have gotten more successful with dating by focusing on it. Like focusing a lot to improve myself and my interactions. Probably at the cost of pursuing business goals. I feel like at my age I am at a crossroads: I am interested in longer term, genuine, and authentic relationships, and I'm interested in finding a partner. However, that almost seems like a part time job in and of itself. I am a high earner at my day job, but have never built a successful business, (actually never have built an unsuccessful one either) and I recently came to realize that it might be this focus on dating that has been partially distracting me. I almost feel that I'm at an age where dating should be a priority, since opportunities for what I want (potential family, growing with a partner) will become more limited with age, whereas age is not a factor with business.

So anyways, I am curious to hear the Fastlane perspective on this. I would distill it into the following questions:

1. Have you sacrificed romantic relationships to work on your financial / business goals? If so, how did it end up working out?
2. Did you have more success in dating, after achieving some of those financial goals? I'm not trying to bring this in the "people are attracted to money" direction, but perhaps in the "how did you grow / feel / behave as a result of your success?"
3. Have you ever worked on both dating, and business, at the same time, with successful results?
4. Any success stories with dating later in life after focusing on entrepreneurship early? Late 30's - 40's+?
5. Any other input / wisdom?

Anyways, really appreciate any input anyone has, whether it's their own experiences, or general guidance.

I have had periods of being single & being in a relationship whilst working on my Fastlane journey.
It most definitely is easier when single as your time is your own & you have nobody to answer to.
Working a bit later & having less sleep or not going out when you need to focus more are never an issue.

I am in a long term relationship right now & even though there are moments when she is supportive (and she verbally is supportive) the truth is, when it comes down to having to be supportive, it's often another story.
There's a saying I like --> Being supportive is easy to say & do when all is calm, but real support is when you don't feel like being so, but are.

Il tell you, the subtle side comments & hints thrown around by my gf really hurts. I spend 9 - 5 on my day job. I workout 6 - 7, spend time with her until 9 then 9 - midnight is my Fastlane time.
But day in & day out can be a struggle, I am dog tired after work, mentally & physically but find myself having to re-explain & reiterate why I'm doing what I'm doing. She's a wonderful person but just makes comments without thinking at times.

Conclusions to your questions:
* Life is not sequential, it is synchronous, you have to deal with many things at once. You can't fully ignore relationships for your dream only, vice versa, else you wake up one day missing the other. (same applies to family & health, etc).
* I do currently work with my business & my relationship together. I learn to dance in the rain.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Here's been my experience with dating and entrepreneurship, simplified using math.

ME + HER = OUTCOME

When I was single...
2 + 0 = 2

When I was dating the wrong gal
2 + -1 = 1

When I was dating the right gal
2 + 2 = 4

 

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[samuraijack]

Here's been my experience with dating and entrepreneurship, simplified using math.

ME + HER = OUTCOME

When I was single...
2 + 0 = 2

When I was dating the wrong gal
2 + -1 = 1

When I was dating the right gal
2 + 2 = 4

I would go so far as to even say with the right gal

2 + 2 = 5

 

[Albert KOUADJA]

I'm curious to hear some people's opinions on entrepreneurship and how it relates to dating. I'm a early 30's guy with some, but not extensive dating experience, particularly with longer term relationships. I was very clueless up until around 25 years old and by sheer force of will have somehow managed to have a decent dating life since then. Nothing too serious or long term. I have gotten more successful with dating by focusing on it. Like focusing a lot to improve myself and my interactions. Probably at the cost of pursuing business goals. I feel like at my age I am at a crossroads: I am interested in longer term, genuine, and authentic relationships, and I'm interested in finding a partner. However, that almost seems like a part time job in and of itself. I am a high earner at my day job, but have never built a successful business, (actually never have built an unsuccessful one either) and I recently came to realize that it might be this focus on dating that has been partially distracting me. I almost feel that I'm at an age where dating should be a priority, since opportunities for what I want (potential family, growing with a partner) will become more limited with age, whereas age is not a factor with business.

So anyways, I am curious to hear the Fastlane perspective on this. I would distill it into the following questions:

1. Have you sacrificed romantic relationships to work on your financial / business goals? If so, how did it end up working out?
2. Did you have more success in dating, after achieving some of those financial goals? I'm not trying to bring this in the "people are attracted to money" direction, but perhaps in the "how did you grow / feel / behave as a result of your success?"
3. Have you ever worked on both dating, and business, at the same time, with successful results?
4. Any success stories with dating later in life after focusing on entrepreneurship early? Late 30's - 40's+?
5. Any other input / wisdom?

Anyways, really appreciate any input anyone has, whether it's their own experiences, or general guidance.

Yesterday I wanted to answer but my internet package ran out and I was on call and I couldn't go out. Okay, here's my answer:

Me, I'm still single but I don't stick around to find a partner. I seek to have everything: solid relationship, wealth, happiness.
I had relationships but they do not go hand in hand with my values, principles, objectives... And some relationships have dissolved for lack of time. That's why I'm not married yet.
Before I give m'y answer, I want to thanks everybody who have shared their wisdom.

Me, I need a partner able to invest emotionally (open in communication especially) t and to be humble. That said, a person capable of being able to say no and yes when needed. Acknowledge your mistakes and accept them. A person capable of telling me the truth, of correcting me in my face, especially when I am wrong or make mistakes. And also able to allow me to work on my goals with plenty of time and understanding my current financial situation.

If I find a person like that, I will marry her later and now (lol).

Money for me in a relationship has the role of keeping it and sustaining it. I am not of the opinion that money can buy love. But I am known and certain that he has a very important role.