Christopher104
Bronze Contributor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
142%
- Oct 27, 2020
- 84
- 119
Before i begin, let me clarify something:
i don't like failing.
every time i do, i feel like i don't just fail myself, but also all the others who are grinding it out and working hard. it sucks. when you see "failure" at the top of an entry, i write with frustration and disappointment with myself. alright moving on...
Today started like it did on day one, minutes before i had to go to work.
i had overslept again.
why?
because i was lazy and simply wanted to go back to bed. i am committed to making my life better, but when i wake up at 5 in the morning commitment isn't a term in my vocabulary. the logical part of my brain is shut down and I'm on autopilot . the worst part is i actually went to bed at 1 again.
what I'm doing isn't working and i need to do something different. the only thing holding me back is my sleep schedule. i do have an idea but it will require some creativity. tonight though, i wont be going to bed. i want to stay up all night and code. I'm so sick and tired of rolling around until 1-2 A.M. if i am to go straight to bed immediately after work, i need to be so sleep deprived that i won't have the energy to stay up late again.
as for what i did today...
i managed to get an HTML cheat sheet printed out. that's it. i didn't get anything else done today. they don't have a text editor on the computers at work so i can't practice on the clock.
that's all i have to say today, I'm just so damn mad at myself for not doing what needs to get done. tomorrow I'm going to grab my life by the b***s and work all day. i don't care how tired i am because I'm already tired mentally.
I'm tired of seeing other people in sports cars.
I'm tired of answering a phone and saying "Thank you for calling O'Reillys, this is Chris speaking, how can i help you?" almost every single day.
I'm tired of having to think about whether i can afford something or not.
I'm tired of not being able to do M.M.A. because my work schedule wont allow it.
Goodnight.
i don't like failing.
every time i do, i feel like i don't just fail myself, but also all the others who are grinding it out and working hard. it sucks. when you see "failure" at the top of an entry, i write with frustration and disappointment with myself. alright moving on...
Today started like it did on day one, minutes before i had to go to work.
i had overslept again.
why?
because i was lazy and simply wanted to go back to bed. i am committed to making my life better, but when i wake up at 5 in the morning commitment isn't a term in my vocabulary. the logical part of my brain is shut down and I'm on autopilot . the worst part is i actually went to bed at 1 again.
what I'm doing isn't working and i need to do something different. the only thing holding me back is my sleep schedule. i do have an idea but it will require some creativity. tonight though, i wont be going to bed. i want to stay up all night and code. I'm so sick and tired of rolling around until 1-2 A.M. if i am to go straight to bed immediately after work, i need to be so sleep deprived that i won't have the energy to stay up late again.
as for what i did today...
i managed to get an HTML cheat sheet printed out. that's it. i didn't get anything else done today. they don't have a text editor on the computers at work so i can't practice on the clock.
that's all i have to say today, I'm just so damn mad at myself for not doing what needs to get done. tomorrow I'm going to grab my life by the b***s and work all day. i don't care how tired i am because I'm already tired mentally.
I'm tired of seeing other people in sports cars.
I'm tired of answering a phone and saying "Thank you for calling O'Reillys, this is Chris speaking, how can i help you?" almost every single day.
I'm tired of having to think about whether i can afford something or not.
I'm tired of not being able to do M.M.A. because my work schedule wont allow it.
Goodnight.
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