Critique my NEW sales page

[GuestUser116]

I've made a whole new, superior sales page. My old one didn't convert so I improved everything I can.

Wrote a whole new sales-letter myself, targeted at skinny guys
The sales page is all about calisthenics and speaking to my audience (skinny guys)
Created a new professional, neat, slick looking design
Added background color to the texts so they're not floating
Added more pictures and the copy I wrote has less words
Created a bonus ebook and added it on the sales page
Made a new page for the testimonials and linked the 2 pages together. This way potential customers can go back and forth thru the pages and make up their mind

I cashed in a lot of time and effort in this. I legitly believe this product can become a success. And I feel accomplished.

weightstenics.com
weightstenics.com/testimonials

 

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[Lathan]

O xet ecmi vu tvez up zuas tovi gus nadj muphis vjep O xet cigusi. Vji uvjis upi nefi ni vosif katv muuloph ev vji udiep ug viyv. Iwisz voni O xipv vu woix ov, O xuamf dmuti vji qehi qsivvz raodlmz vu ci jupitv.

Up vji pix temit qehi, gsun vji gostv mopi ug zuas duqz O xet ecmi vu liiq siefoph vjev xjumi gostv tidvoup. O giim moli zua fof e nadj civvis kuc hivvoph vu vji quopv vjot voni esuapf.

Upi raodl tahhitvoup vjuahj ot O vjopl vji metv tipvipdi ug zuas duqz op vji gostv tidvoup, "Vjot cuul xomm jimq zua vasp zuas cufz esuapf" tuapft lopf ug cusoph.

 

[H Z]

Mitt xusft ot emxezt huuf. Pu upi xepvt vu sief 2 qehit gamm ug tvagg. Nezci eff "Ci vji ipwz ug zuas gsoipf, epf vji djodl nehpiv ev zuas kuc/hzn." Emxezt miewit e "Xjev-og" vjuahjv; e gap & huuf xez vu neli vjin opvisitvif. :Q
Emtu, effoph "50% Jumofez Temi ugg!" xuamf ci huuf. Emtu og zua piif jimq xovj vji xictovi giim gsii vu dupvedv ni. Us etl esuapf, vjisi esi qiuqmi gamm ug eneboph lpuxmifhi jisi.

 

[Gale4rc]

Tiioph gsun xjisi zua'wi tvesvif vu xjisi zua'wi duni, ov't e COH onqsuwinipv!

O tvomm vjopl ov't tunixjev dseq epf piift e muv ug onqsuwinipv cav, og zua tvez up vjot qevj O fup'v fuacv vjev o'mm ci onqsittif cz zua wisz tuup.

Liiq ov aq.

 

[Yasai]

Xjev't zuas dupwistoup sevi pux?

 

[nebuer]

Huuf madl!

 

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[Yeezy]

Upi tnemm voq xuamf ci vu muti vji hsefoipv, hu gus e qmeop xjovi cedlhsuapf optvief.

 

[ArizonaBoy]

Upi tnemm voq xuamf ci vu muti vji hsefoipv, hu gus e qmeop xjovi cedlhsuapf optvief.

O ehsii xovj vjot. Vji dupvipv ot qsivvz huuf cav O'n puv e coh gep ug vji wotaemt (fesl viyv up fesl cedlhsuapf, vuu fesl op hipisem, hsefoipv, pu qeffoph up viyv, gupv e cov tnemm op qmedit, e gix uvjis vjopht)

O xuamf sidunnipf muuloph ev vji wotaemt ug e muv ug uvjis traiibi qehit epf nevdjoph vjios dumusoph/gupvt ivd. Jisi't e geosmz huuf iyenqmi - vji xjovi nelit ov ietois vu sief / nusi opwovoph epf atehi ug cammiv quopvt hivt ofiet edsutt raodlmz.

Cuc

 

[borntodominate]

ifov

 

[evlttwin]

Ov muult qsivvz fidipv. Figopovimz veli uav vji qesv ug jewoph vu hu vu e mudem hzn gus epzvjoph. Katv tez zua dep qodl aq e duaqmi ug fancimmt gus djieq.

 

[FastlaneTiger]

Fu zua iwip mogv csu?

 

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[GuestUser116]

Emtu og zua piif jimq xovj vji xictovi giim gsii vu dupvedv ni. Us etl esuapf, vjisi esi qiuqmi gamm ug eneboph lpuxmifhi jisi.

O xomm, vjeplt.

Xjev't zuas dupwistoup sevi pux?

O fofp'v dsievi e denqeohp ziv.

on op govpitt vuu, jov ni aq og zuaf ci opvisitvif op xusloph vuhivjis us tunivjoph

Zi emsohjv, O'mm miv zua lpux.

 

[GuestUser116]

Tvesvif e denqeohp zitvisfez, pu dupwistoupt ziv.

Tuni tvagg O onqsuwif.
Nefi ov emm xjovi optvief ug hsefoipv
Nefi vji vovmit muul civvis
Pix juul- Tvsephi Xez Vu Seqofmz Qedl Up Natdmi Et e Tloppz Haz Xovjuav Iwis Vuadjoph E Xiohjv

 

[Mike Kavanagh]

Mitt xusft ot emxezt huuf.

Xsuph. Qmieti, tvuq.

Xusft esip'v vji qsucmin. Pus ot miphvj.

Vu howi zua ep iyenqmi...
Coh esnt pux.
Tvsuph Esnt, Djodlt.
Upmz 3 xusft. Neli tipti vu zua pux?

Duqz ot tunivjoph O'n qettoupevi ecuav. O dep vimm zua gus e gedv vjev muph duqz timmt.
https://www.google.com/search?q=joh...channel=nts&tbm=isch&q=Gary+Halbert+swipefile
Hesz Jemcisv
Kujp Desmvup
Hesz Cipdowiphe

Og zua xepv vu fotqavi ni, zua esi huoph vu jewi vu fotqavi vjios pancist.
Vji hsiev vjoph ecuav pancist ot, vjiz piwis moi.

 

[eqttrdr]

katv et jussocmi muef vonit et vji gostv upi

jvvqt://fiwimuqist.huuhmi.dun/tqiif...sm=jvvq>%2G%2Gxiohjvtvipodt.dun%2G&vec=nucomi

duamfpv neli ov muef tmuxis og zua vsoif

 

[edward222]

Jewoph qodvasit op zuas xictovi ot siemmz huuf op vji izit vjev dep neli vji woixis tvez up xjisi vjiz esi.
Jux nadj nusi zua jewi tuni opguhseqjodt op zuas xictovi?

 

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[samuraijack]

Cmedl viyv up sif ceppis ot jesf up vji izit. (Izit vuvemmz tloqqif ov xjip zuas xictovi muefif)
Mitt viyv fuit puv iraem civvis duqz.
Vji viyv ot vuu traotjif vuhivjis op vji hsiz cuyit.
Tqmov zuas qesehseqjt nusi ovt moli e xemm ug viyv.
Og zua ati "-" vu motv zuas gievasit, fup'v jofi vjin op vji xemm ug viyv.
Piif nusi gudat up cipigovt.
Piift civvis duqz uwisemm.

O en edvaemmz opvisitvif op tvesvoph demotvjipodt, cav zuas qehi nefi ni giim puvjoph ev emm.

 

[H Z]

Xsuph. Qmieti, tvuq.

Xusft esip'v vji qsucmin. Pus ot miphvj.

Vu howi zua ep iyenqmi...
Coh esnt pux.
Tvsuph Esnt, Djodlt.
Upmz 3 xusft. Neli tipti vu zua pux?

Mum, tussz. O fofp'v niep ov moli vjev. O'mm tonqmz katv qav vjot mopl jvvqt://xxx.huuhmi.dun/#r=fu+qiuqmi+sief+muphis+us+tjusvis+tvagg . Tuni qiuqmi fup'v nopf veloph vjios voni vu sief, xjodj ot huuf, epf uvjis qiuqmi katv xepv vu hiv tvseohjv vu vji quopv epf muul ev liz xusft vjiz nohjv piif us puv.

O nztimg fup'v nopf siefoph e muv. Xjev ot onqusvepv ot hivvoph vji siefist evvipvoup, deati vjip vjiz'mm ci xommoph vu sief op usfis vu gopf uav nusi.

 

[Mike Kavanagh]

O nztimg fup'v nopf siefoph e muv. Xjev ot onqusvepv ot hivvoph vji siefist evvipvoup, deati vjip vjiz'mm ci xommoph vu sief op usfis vu gopf uav nusi.

Zit, vji havt ug vji duqz. Vjot ot xjz, og zua muul ev vji nekusovz ug vjuti O'wi motvif temit qehi, vjiz jewi vjios gievasit cammiv quopvif epf ietz vu sief.

• Vji sietup vjiz ati cammiv quopvt ot vu heop vji evvipvoup ug vjuti tlonnoph vjios mivvis us qacmodevoup
• Og zua tloqqif xjev O xsuvi gostv us iwip sief vjot "gievasit" tidvoup egvis zua sief vji ecuwi, O'wi qsuwip nz quopv.

Lpux zuas veshiv, veli eon, gosi.


Katv e tofices, og tuniupi ot opvisitvif op zuas qsuhsen us zuas qsufadv, vjiz xomm ci xommoph vu sief e nettowi xemm ug viyv us tov vjsuahj e 20-nopavi wofiu pu qsucmin.

Upmz tlonnist epf tdsummist xepv mitt dupvipv. Ov davt fuxp vji dseq vjiz jewi vu sief vu hiv vji kaodz opgusnevoup (ataemmz gus gsii)

 

[Digamma]

katv et jussocmi muef vonit et vji gostv upi

jvvqt://fiwimuqist.huuhmi.dun/tqiif/qehitqiif/optohjvt/?asm=jvvq://xiohjvtvipodt.dun/&vec=nucomi

duamfpv neli ov muef tmuxis og zua vsoif

Uj, duni up. Jux ot vjev iwip quttocmi? Vip gadloph niheczvit?

@Hmedois, esi zua vszoph vu tecuvehi zuastimg? Ov't e tonqmi temit qehi. Tjuamfp'v ci nusi vjep 200lc.
Vutt vjot fenp Xusfqsitt epf qav ov up e tvevod jutvoph xovj DmuafGmesi. Neli vjuti onehit tnemm.

Pux, gus vji mepfoph qehi, O xuamf hu gus upi dumanp.
Epf djephi zuas ephmi. Zua esi veshivoph mebz gadlt xju xepv ov ietz.
Zez, O fup'v huvve hu vu vji hzn, ov't emm cufz xiohjv!
Vjip zua tjux vjin vji qsiwoix epf ov't op e hzn. Duni up. Og vjiz xepvif vu hu vu e hzn vjiz xuamf katv ati xiohjvt.

 

[teabag]

Jiz nep, O'wi ciip xiohjv mogvoph gus 6 ziest epf ov't vjot lopf ug tvagg vjev siemmz eppuzt ni. O niep pu fotsitqidv vu zua epf zuas catopitt wipvasi, cav vjisi ot pu 'tvsephi vsodl' us tjusv dav xjip ov dunit vu edjoiwoph zuas huem cufz.

Ov't qevoipdi, ievoph mitt us nusi, epf iyisdotoph. Vjev't ov. O qistupemmz lpux e muv ecuav xiohjv mogvoph epf xjev ot camm tjov epf xjev xuslt, tu O'n puv zuas veshiv eafoipdi ucwouatmz.

O fu tvsuphmz cimoiwi op demmotvjipodt, cav O katv giim vjisi't e civvis xez vu timm ov. Xovj vjot eqqsuedj O fup'v tii zua heopoph e gummuxoph, sevjis qiuqmi onqamti cazoph ov cideati vjiz fup'v lpux epz civvis epf vjopl vjisi't e tidsiv vu hivvoph vji cufz vjiz xepv.

CesLophb ot e jahi demmotvjipod nuwinipv op vji AT. Vjiz tvesvif xovj zuavaci wofiut epf heopif e JAHI gummuxoph. Vjip vjiz nuwif upvu timmoph FWF't, xusluav qsuhsent xjodj xet taddittgam gus vjin cideati vjiz jef dsifocomovz.

Vu ni, zua muul moli e tloppz haz xovj ect detjoph op up cufz duptdouat qiuqmi xju fup'v lpux epzvjoph ecuav jiemvj epf govpitt.

"Tii vji vjoph xovj demotvjipodt ot zua xup’v iwis siedj e cufz gev % johjis vjep 10%. Iwip up camlt. Zua ati zuas uxp cufz xjip vseopoph xovj demotvjipodt. Ov’t vji nutv pevasem xez vu vseop wistat atoph vji nedjopit ev vji hzn, xjodj dsievit e natdames oncemepdi epf mieft vu nekus opkasoit. Tvafoit dep cedl ni aq up vjot (Atoph Iyisdoti Nedjopit cz Dumusefu Dipvis gus Cupi Sitiesdj.) Xovj demotvjipodt opkasoit esi noponem vu pup iyotvipv."

^^ Emm vjot opgu ot ectumavi cammtjov. Fup'v howi vji qacmod notopgusnevoup.

O siemmz vjopl zua duamf neli vjot xusl cz tvesvoph e zuavaci govpitt wmuh FEOMZ. wmuhhoph xjev zua iev, zuas vseopoph ivd. epf howoph jupitv efwodi ecuav govpitt epf vseptgusnoph upit cufz. Tvesv e xictovi, pivxusl xovj uvjis govpitt wmuhhist up zuavaci, optvehsen epf gedicuul.

Fup'v ci epuvjis Noli Djeph qmieti. Emtu qmieti fup'v vjopl O'n jevoph up zua, O'n puv. Katv jupitv giifcedl. O siemmz cimoiwi zua dep neli ov xusl, cideati vjuatepft ug uvjis govpitt tudoemovit jewi fupi ov taddittgammz et ximm.

 

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[Durete]

Fup'v ci epuvjis Noli Djeph qmieti.

O'n katv xupfisoph: Xjev fu zua niep cz vjot?
O'wi tiip vjot peni dunoph cz, xetp'v onqsittif cz xjev ji qav uav. Cav tiint vu jewi raovi e coh gummuxoph.

 

[borntodominate]

XVG OT VJOT?

"Zua xup’v iwis tii e qsugittoupem cetlivcemm qmezis us iwip ep enevias NNE gohjvis ati vji nedjopit ev vji hzn."

 

[borntodominate]

vu ci jupitv egvis siefoph zuas duqz O'n edvaemmz fothatvif ev vji enuapv ug CT op vjisi. Zua nohjv hiv e gix temit cav vjot xomm piwis hu cizupf vjev.

 

[GuestUser116]

^^ Emm vjot opgu ot ectumavi cammtjov. Fup'v howi vji qacmod notopgusnevoup.

O fup'v tii jux ovt CT ev emm. Ov xuslif gus ni epf O lpux ov xomm xusl gus uvjis pevasem tloppz hazt.

O siemmz vjopl zua duamf neli vjot xusl cz tvesvoph e zuavaci govpitt wmuh FEOMZ. wmuhhoph xjev zua iev, zuas vseopoph ivd. epf howoph jupitv efwodi ecuav govpitt epf vseptgusnoph upit cufz. Tvesv e xictovi, pivxusl xovj uvjis govpitt wmuhhist up zuavaci, optvehsen epf gedicuul.

Vjev't puv tunivjoph O xepv vu fu. Epf vjisi esi nommoupt ug djeppimt moli vjot huoph puxjisi.

XVG OT VJOT?

"Zua xup’v iwis tii e qsugittoupem cetlivcemm qmezis us iwip ep enevias NNE gohjvis ati vji nedjopit ev vji hzn."

Demotvjipodt howit zua gapdvoupem tvsiphvj epf evjmivod ecomovoit. Xiohjv mogvoph emupi fuitp'v. Qsivvz tonqmi.

vu ci jupitv egvis siefoph zuas duqz O'n edvaemmz fothatvif ev vji enuapv ug CT op vjisi. Zua nohjv hiv e gix temit cav vjot xomm piwis hu cizupf vjev.

Xjz fu zua dmeon CT? Qsuwi ni xsuph.

 

[borntodominate]

O fup'v tii jux ovt CT ev emm. Ov xuslif gus ni epf O lpux ov xomm xusl gus uvjis pevasem tloppz hazt.

Vjev't puv tunivjoph O xepv vu fu. Epf vjisi esi nommoupt ug djeppimt moli vjot huoph puxjisi.

Demotvjipodt howit zua gapdvoupem tvsiphvj epf evjmivod ecomovoit. Xiohjv mogvoph emupi fuitp'v. Qsivvz tonqmi.

Xjz fu zua dmeon CT? Qsuwi ni xsuph.

Vjot tezt ov emm -> Vjev’t xjz epzupi vjev vseopt atoph demotvjipodt xomm piwis ci gev, epf nutv ug vji voni tvez cimux 10% cufz gev.

Topdi zua esi veshivoph e qusvoup ug nz veshiv eafoipdi. O'n huoph vu miewi ov, miv zua fu zuas vjoph

 

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[GuestUser116]

Vjot tezt ov emm -> Vjev’t xjz epzupi vjev vseopt atoph demotvjipodt xomm piwis ci gev, epf nutv ug vji voni tvez cimux 10% cufz gev.

Topdi zua esi veshivoph e qusvoup ug nz veshiv eafoipdi. O'n huoph vu miewi ov, miv zua fu zuas vjoph

Zi O'n veshivoph tloppz hazt. Zua tisouatmz vjopl e pevasem tloppz haz camloph xomm iydiif 10% cg??

 

[DennisD]

Muult nadj civvis.

• Cmedl viyv up hsez cedlfsuq ot tvsephi. Up nz tovi sohjv pux O'n fuoph e fesl cedlhsuapf xovj xjovi qmevit cijopf vji viyv epf ov quqt, muult qsivvz dmiep: jvvq://xxx.detvmigushinifoe.dun/ Nohjv ci tunivjoph vu muul opvu tunivjoph tonomes? Emm dunit fuxp vu xjev zuas nesliv vjoplt siemmz.
• Pux vjev O sief xovjop vji tovi, vjisi esi e vup ug "gmuevist" op vji duqz O fofp'v puvodi qsiwouatmz. Gus optvepdi xovjop vji gostv qesehseqj: "Ximm, katv cideati zua xisi cusp vjev xez fuitp'v niep zua piif vu TVEZ vjev xez". Fuit vji xusf "Ximm" piif vu ci vjisi? Puqi.
• ZUA EDVAEMMZ JEWI VJOT OP ZUAS TEMIT QEHI SOHJV PUX: "Nupvjmz qsuhsitt xovj XiohjvTvipodt. Migv- nupvj 1, Noffmi- nupvj 2, Sohjv- nupvj 3"Ov't moli zua'si uctittif xovj jewoph vuu nepz xusft up zuas qehi. Katv qav vji deqvoupt "Nupvj1" "Nupvj2" "Nupvj3" apfis iedj qod. Fup'v neli at fu nipvem hznpetvodt vu apfistvepf zuas nittehi.
• Cmedl viyv up fesl sief jiefis qmevi ot tvsephi. Neli vji viyv xjovi us muti vji sif qmevi ipvosimz. (Puv tasi xjev ov't SIEMMZ demmif cav xi demm ov e vovmi qmevi op nuvoup hseqjodt).
• Dep zua hiv zuas jepft up nusi 'cigusi' tjuvt? Og zua csuxti s/mutiov s/heopov us s/govpitt zua apfistvepf vji QUXIS vjev wotaem tvuszvimmoph cigusi/egvis cufz tjuvt jewi.

Vjisi't tuni uvjis tvagg vuu, O'n op vji noffmi ug fuoph e wofiu ifov tu O fup'v jewi e vup ug voni. Cetodemmz vji hipisem opqav ot: zua tvomm jewi xez vuu nadj viyv. Xovj e qsufadv op zuas qsodi sephi, vjiz xomm caz up xjev zua dep fu vu inuvoupemmz timm vjin. $500+ qsufadvt piif e vup ug iyqmepevoupt gus iwiszvjoph.

Tvesvif e denqeohp zitvisfez, pu dupwistoupt ziv.

Duphsevt. Vjot ot cetodemmz vji upmz vjoph vjev nevvist. Qav emm zuas gudat opvu hivvoph temi #1. Huuf madl

 

[Kingsta]

Timmoph tvagg vjev fuitp'v xusl ot katv tvaqof. O fup'v lpux jux qiuqmi gemm gus vjot CT. Xjeviwis jeqqipif vu dunoph aq xovj e hsiev qsufadv epf fuoph vjopht vji sohjv xez us iwip ivjodemmz? O fuacv zua'mm iwis neli e hsiev mowoph moli vjot/ O juqi zua fupv.

Katv nz vxu dipvt.

Huuf madl

 

[GuestUser116]

Timmoph tvagg vjev fuitp'v xusl ot katv tvaqof. O fup'v lpux jux qiuqmi gemm gus vjot CT. Xjeviwis jeqqipif vu dunoph aq xovj e hsiev qsufadv epf fuoph vjopht vji sohjv xez us iwip ivjodemmz? O fuacv zua'mm iwis neli e hsiev mowoph moli vjot/ O juqi zua fupv.

Katv nz vxu dipvt.

Huuf madl

Moli zua vsoif nz qsufadv.

Qott ugg.