Critique my NEW sales page

[GuestUser116]

I've made a whole new, superior sales page. My old one didn't convert so I improved everything I can.

Wrote a whole new sales-letter myself, targeted at skinny guys
The sales page is all about calisthenics and speaking to my audience (skinny guys)
Created a new professional, neat, slick looking design
Added background color to the texts so they're not floating
Added more pictures and the copy I wrote has less words
Created a bonus ebook and added it on the sales page
Made a new page for the testimonials and linked the 2 pages together. This way potential customers can go back and forth thru the pages and make up their mind

I cashed in a lot of time and effort in this. I legitly believe this product can become a success. And I feel accomplished.

weightstenics.com
weightstenics.com/testimonials

 

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[Lathan]

I was able to stay on your site for much longer than I was before. The other one made me tired just looking at the ocean of text. Every time I went to view it, I would close the page pretty quickly to be honest.

On the new sales page, from the first line of your copy I was able to keep reading that whole first section. I feel like you did a much better job getting to the point this time around.

One quick suggestion though is I think the last sentence of your copy in the first section, "This book will help you turn your body around" sounds kind of boring.

 

[H Z]

Less words is always good. No one wants to read 2 pages full of stuff. Maybe add "Be the envy of your friend, and the chick magnet at your job/gym." Always leaves a "What-if" thought; a fun & good way to make them interested.
Also, adding "50% Holiday Sale off!" would be good. Also if you need help with the website feel free to contact me. Or ask around, there are people full of amazing knowledge here.

 

[Gale4rc]

Seeing from where you've started to where you've come, it's a BIG improvement!

I still think it's somewhat crap and needs a lot of improvement but, if you stay on this path I don't doubt that i'll be impressed by you very soon.

Keep it up.

 

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[Yasai]

What's your conversion rate now?

 

[nebuer]

Good luck!

 

[Yeezy]

One small tip would be to lose the gradient, go for a plain white background instead.

 

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[ArizonaBoy]

One small tip would be to lose the gradient, go for a plain white background instead.

I agree with this. The content is pretty good but I'm not a big fan of the visuals (dark text on dark background, too dark in general, gradient, no padding on text, font a bit small in places, a few other things)

I would recommend looking at the visuals of a lot of other squeeze pages and matching their coloring/fonts etc. Here's a fairly good example - the white makes it easier to read / more inviting and usage of bullet points gets ideas across quickly.

Bob

 

[borntodominate]

edit

 

[evlttwin]

It looks pretty decent. Definitely take out the part of having to go to a local gym for anything. Just say you can pick up a couple of dumbells for cheap.

 

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[FastlaneTiger]

Do you even lift bro?

 

[GuestUser116]

Also if you need help with the website feel free to contact me. Or ask around, there are people full of amazing knowledge here.

I will, thanks.

What's your conversion rate now?

I didn't create a campaign yet.

im in fitness too, hit me up if youd be interested in working together or something

Ye alright, I'll let you know.

 

[GuestUser116]

Started a campaign yesterday, no conversions yet.

Some stuff I improved.
Made it all white instead of gradient
Made the titles look better
New hook- Strange Way To Rapidly Pack On Muscle As a Skinny Guy Without Ever Touching A Weight

 

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[Mike Kavanagh]

Less words is always good.

Wrong. Please, stop.

Words aren't the problem. Nor is length.

To give you an example...
Big arms now.
Strong Arms, Chicks.
Only 3 words. Make sense to you now?

Copy is something I'm passionate about. I can tell you for a fact that long copy sells.
https://www.google.com/search?q=joh...channel=nts&tbm=isch&q=Gary+Halbert+swipefile
Gary Halbert
John Carlton
Gary Bencivenga

If you want to dispute me, you are going to have to dispute their numbers.
The great thing about numbers is, they never lie.

 

[eqttrdr]

just as horrible load times as the first one

https://developers.google.com/speed/pagespeed/insights/?url=http://weightstenics.com/&tab=mobile

couldnt make it load slower if you tried

 

[edward222]

Having pictures in your website is really good in the eyes that can make the viewer stay on where they are.
How much more you have some infographics in your website?

 

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[samuraijack]

Black text on red banner is hard on the eyes. (Eyes totally skipped it when your website loaded)
Less text does not equal better copy.
The text is too squished together in the grey boxes.
Split your paragraphs more its like a wall of text.
If you use "-" to list your features, don't hide them in the wall of text.
Need more focus on benefits.
Needs better copy overall.

I am actually interested in starting calisthenics, but your page made me feel nothing at all.

 

[H Z]

Wrong. Please, stop.

Words aren't the problem. Nor is length.

To give you an example...
Big arms now.
Strong Arms, Chicks.
Only 3 words. Make sense to you now?

Lol, sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'll simply just put this link https://www.google.com/#q=do+people+read+longer+or+shorter+stuff . Some people don't mind taking their time to read, which is good, and other people just want to get straight to the point and look at key words they might need or not.

I myself don't mind reading a lot. What is important is getting the readers attention, cause then they'll be willing to read in order to find out more.

 

[Mike Kavanagh]

I myself don't mind reading a lot. What is important is getting the readers attention, cause then they'll be willing to read in order to find out more.

Yes, the guts of the copy. This is why, if you look at the majority of those I've listed sales page, they have their features bullet pointed and easy to read.

• The reason they use bullet points is to gain the attention of those skimming their letter or publication
• If you skipped what I wrote first or even read this "features" section after you read the above, I've proven my point.

Know your target, take aim, fire.


Just a sidebar, if someone is interested in your program or your product, they will be willing to read a massive wall of text or sit through a 20-minute video no problem.

Only skimmers and scrollers want less content. It cuts down the crap they have to read to get the juicy information (usually for free)

 

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[Digamma]

just as horrible load times as the first one

https://developers.google.com/speed/pagespeed/insights/?url=http://weightstenics.com/&tab=mobile

couldnt make it load slower if you tried

Oh, come on. How is that even possible? Ten F*cking megabytes?

@Glacier, are you trying to sabotage yourself? It's a simple sales page. Shouldn't be more than 200kb.
Toss this damn Wordpress and put it on a static hosting with CloudFlare. Make those images small.

Now, for the landing page, I would go for one column.
And change your angle. You are targeting lazy F*cks who want it easy.
Yay, I don't gotta go to the gym, it's all body weight!
Then you show them the preview and it's in a gym. Come on. If they wanted to go to a gym they would just use weights.

 

[teabag]

Hey man, I've been weight lifting for 6 years and it's this kind of stuff that really annoys me. I mean no disrespect to you and your business venture, but there is no 'strange trick' or short cut when it comes to achieving your goal body.

It's patience, eating less or more, and exercising. That's it. I personally know a lot about weight lifting and what is bull shit and what works, so I'm not your target audience obviously.

I do strongly believe in callisthenics, but I just feel there's a better way to sell it. With this approach I don't see you gaining a following, rather people impulse buying it because they don't know any better and think there's a secret to getting the body they want.

BarKingz is a huge callisthenic movement in the US. They started with youtube videos and gained a HUGE following. Then they moved onto selling DVD's, workout programs which was successful for them because they had credibility.

To me, you look like a skinny guy with abs cashing in on body conscious people who don't know anything about health and fitness.

"See the thing with calisthenics is you won’t ever reach a body fat % higher than 10%. Even on bulks. You use your own body when training with calisthenics. It’s the most natural way to train versus using the machines at the gym, which creates a muscular imbalance and leads to major injuries. Studies can back me up on this (Using Exercise Machines by Colorado Center for Bone Research.) With calisthenics injuries are minimal to non existent."

^^ All this info is absolute bullshit. Don't give the public misinformation.

I really think you could make this work by starting a youtube fitness vlog DAILY. vlogging what you eat, your training etc. and giving honest advice about fitness and transforming ones body. Start a website, network with other fitness vloggers on youtube, instagram and facebook.

Don't be another Mike Chang please. Also please don't think I'm hating on you, I'm not. Just honest feedback. I really believe you can make it work, because thousands of other fitness socialites have done it successfully as well.

 

[Durete]

Don't be another Mike Chang please.

I'm just wondering: What do you mean by this?
I've seen this name coming by, wasn't impressed by what he put out. But seems to have quite a big following.

 

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[borntodominate]

WTF IS THIS?

"You won’t ever see a professional basketball player or even an amateur MMA fighter use the machines at the gym."

 

[borntodominate]

to be honest after reading your copy I'm actually disgusted at the amount of BS in there. You might get a few sales but this will never go beyond that.

 

[GuestUser116]

^^ All this info is absolute bullshit. Don't give the public misinformation.

I don't see how its BS at all. It worked for me and I know it will work for other natural skinny guys.

I really think you could make this work by starting a youtube fitness vlog DAILY. vlogging what you eat, your training etc. and giving honest advice about fitness and transforming ones body. Start a website, network with other fitness vloggers on youtube, instagram and facebook.

That's not something I want to do. And there are millions of channels like this going nowhere.

WTF IS THIS?

"You won’t ever see a professional basketball player or even an amateur MMA fighter use the machines at the gym."

Calisthenics gives you functional strength and athletic abilities. Weight lifting alone doesn't. Pretty simple.

to be honest after reading your copy I'm actually disgusted at the amount of BS in there. You might get a few sales but this will never go beyond that.

Why do you claim BS? Prove me wrong.

 

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[borntodominate]

I don't see how its BS at all. It worked for me and I know it will work for other natural skinny guys.

That's not something I want to do. And there are millions of channels like this going nowhere.

Calisthenics gives you functional strength and athletic abilities. Weight lifting alone doesn't. Pretty simple.

Why do you claim BS? Prove me wrong.

This says it all -> That’s why anyone that trains using calisthenics will never be fat, and most of the time stay below 10% body fat.

Since you are targeting a portion of my target audience. I'm going to leave it, let you do your thing

 

[GuestUser116]

This says it all -> That’s why anyone that trains using calisthenics will never be fat, and most of the time stay below 10% body fat.

Since you are targeting a portion of my target audience. I'm going to leave it, let you do your thing

Ye I'm targeting skinny guys. You seriously think a natural skinny guy bulking will exceed 10% bf??

 

[DennisD]

Looks much better.

• Black text on gray backdrop is strange. On my site right now I'm doing a dark background with white plates behind the text and it pops, looks pretty clean: http://www.castleforgemedia.com/ Might be something to look into something similar? All comes down to what your market thinks really.
• Now that I read within the site, there are a ton of "floaters" in the copy I didn't notice previously. For instance within the first paragraph: "Well, just because you were born that way doesn't mean you need to STAY that way". Does the word "Well" need to be there? Nope.
• YOU ACTUALLY HAVE THIS IN YOUR SALES PAGE RIGHT NOW: "Monthly progress with WeightStenics. Left- month 1, Middle- month 2, Right- month 3"It's like you're obsessed with having too many words on your page. Just put the captions "Month1" "Month2" "Month3" under each pic. Don't make us do mental gymnastics to understand your message.
• Black text on dark read header plate is strange. Make the text white or lose the red plate entirely. (Not sure what it's REALLY called but we call it a title plate in motion graphics).
• Can you get your hands on more 'before' shots? If you browse r/loseit r/gainit or r/fitness you understand the POWER that visual storytelling before/after body shots have.

There's some other stuff too, I'm in the middle of doing a video edit so I don't have a ton of time. Basically the general input is: you still have way too much text. With a product in your price range, they will buy on what you can do to emotionally sell them. $500+ products need a ton of explanations for everything.

Started a campaign yesterday, no conversions yet.

Congrats. This is basically the only thing that matters. Put all your focus into getting sale #1. Good luck

 

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[Kingsta]

Selling stuff that doesn't work is just stupid. I don't know how people fall for this BS. Whatever happened to coming up with a great product and doing things the right way or even ethically? I doubt you'll ever make a great living like this/ I hope you dont.

Just my two cents.

Good luck

 

[GuestUser116]

Selling stuff that doesn't work is just stupid. I don't know how people fall for this BS. Whatever happened to coming up with a great product and doing things the right way or even ethically? I doubt you'll ever make a great living like this/ I hope you dont.

Just my two cents.

Good luck

Like you tried my product.

Piss off.