Copywriting Progress

[MalteBlom]

I've been writing advertising copy for a little while now but recently I felt the need to level up on the general quality of my copy. Below is a piece of a Facebook ad that I wrote a couple of days ago about a volcano air humidifier. Just wondering about general opinions as well as improvements that could be made. Suggestions on copywriting practices would also be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!



Dry air sure is a hassle, especially if not handled properly.
Invest in an air humidifier today and enjoy fresh and humid air on demand!

Enjoy benefits like:

• Reduced dry skin: Dry air can cause the skin to become overly dry, leading to irritation, itching, and flaking

• Reduced nasal congestion: Breath better through your nose!

• Improved air quality: Live a more active and free lifestyle with cleaner and fresher air!

Our new and improved volcano diffuser also offers an outstanding

330ml water tank - Convenient and easy, you rarely have to refill it!

Built-in timer feature -Say goodbye to the hassle of manually checking your diffusers - enjoy the convenience of our built-in timer feature!

Two modes - Jellyfish and volcano - Choose the one best suited for you!


Start enjoying the life-changing benefits of an air humidifier now. Get yours today!

 

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[TinyTim]

There are a lot of unnecessary words that don't add anything. The first sentence doesn't hook me in, either.

 

[MalteBlom]

Thanks for the feedback. I took your advice and created a new and improved version.
Decided to improve on the beginning as I agreed upon its lack of engagement. I also removed some words and phrases I realized were unnecessary.




Cracked lips? dry sinuses, or dry skin?
These problems sure are provocative.
Be a problem solver!

Invest in an air humidifier today and enjoy humid air on demand!

Enjoy benefits like:

• Reduced dry skin: Dry air can cause your skin to become overly dry, leading to irritation, itching, and flaking
• Reduced nasal congestion: Breath better!
• Improved air quality: Snore less and inhale easier!

Our new volcano diffuser also offers

330ml water tank - Convenient and easy, you rarely have to refill it!

Built-in timer feature - Enjoy the convenience of automation!

Two modes - Jellyfish or volcano - Choose the one best suited for you!

Start enjoying the life-changing benefits of an air humidifier now. Get yours today!

 

[Practic]

Thanks for the feedback. I took your advice and created a new and improved version.
Decided to improve on the beginning as I agreed upon its lack of engagement. I also removed some words and phrases I realized were unnecessary.




Cracked lips? dry sinuses, or dry skin?
These problems sure are provocative.
Be a problem solver!

Invest in an air humidifier today and enjoy humid air on demand!

Enjoy benefits like:

• Reduced dry skin: Dry air can cause your skin to become overly dry, leading to irritation, itching, and flaking
• Reduced nasal congestion: Breath better!
• Improved air quality: Snore less and inhale easier!

Our new volcano diffuser also offers

330ml water tank - Convenient and easy, you rarely have to refill it!

Built-in timer feature - Enjoy the convenience of automation!

Two modes - Jellyfish or volcano - Choose the one best suited for you!

Start enjoying the life-changing benefits of an air humidifier now. Get yours today!

Here are my suggestions to the process.
1. State how painful (to consumers) a problem is in one statement.
2. Try point out to the main advantage of your solution in one sentence.
3. Try to point out to other advantages in one statement.
4. In one statement state how your solution is better than other solutions.

 

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[MalteBlom]

Here are my suggestions to the process.
1. State how painful (to consumers) a problem is in one statement.
2. Try point out to the main advantage of your solution in one sentence.
3. Try to point out to other advantages in one statement.
4. In one statement state how your solution is better than other solutions.

Thanks for the suggestions. I added some text which explains in a little more detail why the product is valuable and added a more broad sentence that explains the general benefits. And then I decided to add the word "unique" to the second benefit bullet list which in my understanding creates an illusion where it makes it sound like my product is the only one offering these benefits. Thus explaining why my solution is better than the competition's.

Although I'm wondering if there's some benefit to keeping the introduction short. Logically this would make the copy a bit easier to read and get into, but I'm open to opinions as always.
And should I place the sentence "Humidifiers are a cheap, reliable, and easy way of cleaning indoor air from dust, dirt, and bacteria." in the beginning or in the end?



Here's the latest version of the text.



Cracked lips? dry sinuses, or dry skin?
These problems sure are provocative.
Be a problem solver!

Invest in an air humidifier today and enjoy humid air on demand!

Enjoy benefits like:

• Reduced dry skin: Dry air can cause your skin to become overly dry, leading to irritation, itching, and flaking

• Reduced nasal congestion: Breath better!

• Improved air quality: Snore less and inhale easier!

Our new volcano diffuser also offers unique:

330ml water tank - Convenient and easy, you rarely have to refill it!

Built-in timer feature - Enjoy the convenience of automation!

Two modes - Jellyfish or volcano - Choose the one best suited for you!


Humidifiers are a cheap, reliable, and easy way of cleaning indoor air from dust, dirt, and bacteria.
Start enjoying the life-changing benefits of an air humidifier now. Get yours today!

 

[Practic]

Thanks for the suggestions. I added some text which explains in a little more detail why the product is valuable and added a more broad sentence that explains the general benefits. And then I decided to add the word "unique" to the second benefit bullet list which in my understanding creates an illusion where it makes it sound like my product is the only one offering these benefits. Thus explaining why my solution is better than the competition's.

Although I'm wondering if there's some benefit to keeping the introduction short. Logically this would make the copy a bit easier to read and get into, but I'm open to opinions as always.
And should I place the sentence "Humidifiers are a cheap, reliable, and easy way of cleaning indoor air from dust, dirt, and bacteria." in the beginning or in the end?



Here's the latest version of the text.



Cracked lips? dry sinuses, or dry skin?
These problems sure are provocative.
Be a problem solver!

Invest in an air humidifier today and enjoy humid air on demand!

Enjoy benefits like:

• Reduced dry skin: Dry air can cause your skin to become overly dry, leading to irritation, itching, and flaking

• Reduced nasal congestion: Breath better!

• Improved air quality: Snore less and inhale easier!

Our new volcano diffuser also offers unique:

330ml water tank - Convenient and easy, you rarely have to refill it!

Built-in timer feature - Enjoy the convenience of automation!

Two modes - Jellyfish or volcano - Choose the one best suited for you!


Humidifiers are a cheap, reliable, and easy way of cleaning indoor air from dust, dirt, and bacteria.
Start enjoying the life-changing benefits of an air humidifier now. Get yours today!

"And should I place the sentence "Humidifiers are a cheap, reliable, and easy way of cleaning indoor air from dust, dirt, and bacteria." in the beginning or in the end?"

If you market to people who know what humidifiers are then you do not need this sentence at all.

If you market to people who do not know what humidifiers are then you should place this sentence after the problem statement.