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Coping with serious disabilities?

Galaxy16

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He is also mentally injured by being mocked many years ago for his disability.

I told him to use this as motivation leverage to get successful to get his own back, but he thinks that due to lifetime disability, he can not "show his bullies who is the boss".
 
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Galaxy16

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I've given several specific suggestions of places to turn for a level of help that this forum simply can't provide to you.

I think that repeatedly asking the same people of people who don't have the answers you seek, won't get you better results with repeated asking, and repeated rejection of each and every attempt at an answer.

I encourage you to use the kind of resources I mentioned, and also to see if there is an online forum or Facebook group, specifically for seriously disabled people in general, or for extremely traumatic lifelong disasters in general, or for people with his particular type of disability in particular, and for their friends and loved ones.

I think further attempts to get very, very deep psychology and philosophy and mental health guidance from a business & entrepreneurship forum, isn't likely to get very far no matter how much you keep pushing it here.

If this really does matter a lot to you, I offer the strongest imploring that you find people equipped to meaningfully counsel and guide through this distressing situation you observe in your dear friend's life.

An entrepreneurship forum, in my opinion, is a good place to get help, because he is also pursuing entrepreneurship and living big, so help from people with scripted mind is far less effective.
My friend still sees value in his life, he just needs to get unchained from thoughts and feelings that bother him.

The posts so far are better than posts I could have gotten elsewhere.
But about the rejections: The posts were highly inspiring, but after all, he can not just accept and deal with a permanently inferior life experience.
 

Mattie

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He wishes he could just concentrate with his technically intact brain, but there are many triggers such as advertisement billboards with love couples, who are able to enjoy a life he can nothing but dream of.

Of course, he feels happy for non-disabled people who enjoy their lives, but that does not make the pleasure of his own only life better.
I think anyone can find something in their life they don't necessarily enjoy in their lives. I've been in a family that chooses divorce as a main theme. I'll never get to experience a family that stays together. As I was a nurse aide, there are people blind, deaf, but still play music, write poetry, and if you watch developmentally disabled in their own form of olympics they still do their best with what they got. There are people with no teeth, who have to wear dentures. And I can tell you that some of the Traditionalists live through WWII and Depression and not all of them had sex life, married, and families. I wish I could tell you life is fair and equal for everyone, but it is not. And while their are different disabilities, it's hard to say what this person is capable of doing if he really wanted to do it. There is technology these days that helps people.
 

Mattie

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I told him to use this as motivation leverage to get successful to get his own back, but he thinks that due to lifetime disability, he can not "show his bullies who is the boss".
This is resistance to change. It is also victim mentality that is conditioned in our society. While I've worked with developmentally disabled populations, elderly, and mentally impaired, I know their challenges, but also know their are various services out there to help them with job training, education, life skills, coping skills. It's more his stubborn mind that gets in the way. You can only point out options, services, and resources, encourage them to succeed. If you're expecting him to become a millionaire, that is quite a challenge in his situation, but yes it's been done. You see celebrities all the time with disabilities. What's realistic for him is what he believes is his capabilities.
 
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Mattie

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The question is: How?
How should he imagine that?
The same way most of us do. We set goals. We visualize. We take action. We educate ourselves. We get the necessary tools.
 

Mattie

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He actually, as far as I know, was not always disabled, and he could live nearly normally until his adulthood.
This is really an excuse. Whether you're born with a disability or get one along the way, there is no difference. It is within their capabilities. As you have high functioning and low functioning individuals, they have a scale they base this off. And even in rehab centers after brain injuries, and therapy, many individuals have to the courage and strength within themselves to overcome their obstacles. As many individuals who find themselves in wheel chairs, still play basketball, those who lose a leg still run, and even some who have have spinal injuries are tole they will never walk again, but walk again in life. Depends on the individual and how bad they want to overcome their limitations.
 

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Ok, as a Deaf person, I've worked with alot of people that have a wide range of disabilites. In the community there are alot of people that have Deafness as their secondary disability as opposed to mine where its only being Deaf. I know more than most about limitiations and people that tend to be negative and hide in safe corner saying they can't do anything about it and collect Social Security. Now don't get me wrong,I get collecting social security due to the difficulties of finding a job due to the unspoken sigma of how do I handle this disabled person If I hire them, I've faced that myself.

What I do have a problem with, Is the perspective I'm seeing coming from you. I don't know who you or your friend are, but it seems like you jumped on here out of genuineness of the desire to help your friend. However, with every single suggestion people made on here you turn around and give a defene and back it up with some sort of reason why he CAN'T do this. Instead of putting that energy in the "CAN'T" try to think of it in a way of how you can make it possible. There is no manual for this shit, it sucks, but trying to think of a way you can help him 'CREATE' something. Creation is the pinnacle of humanity and will suppress any other desire if he has the ability to create. Help him find something to make, and most of the time if someone make something they can sell it. Now you have this 'creation' and a EPIC story to boot, I'm speaking from experience here people love to hear the this guy CAN'T but he DID story and will throw money at it to make them feel like they're part of it.

Before you rebutt what I just said here. I personally know someone who has CHARGE syndrome, which is one of the more f*cked up disabilities out there, He's legally Blind, profoundly Deaf, has a cleft palate, something is wrong with his hormones and will never grow beyond 4 ft, horomone problems screws up his sex drive, has heart problems with a shunt in his heart, Has facial palsy and has a hard time eating. I mean this dude probably has more to go on. He was sheltered by his parents and people around him told him he couldn't do this couldn't do that, ended up in the special needs class in school to learn how to fold clothes etc. I met this guy later in life but he already had a dry cleaning business, he was not sharp but he was able to create something that made his life meaningful and help others while doing it.

I've seen firsthand of legit mentally exhausting and crippling disabilities because of the number we have of them in deaf community. I see the difference in what makes people happy and continue. Outside of being in a vegetative state, there is an opporunity to suceed if you commit and persist.

A small suggestion I mean if his disability is so nasty and unique, It might be interesting for him to write about it, blog about it, make a youtube channel about it because odds are out there someone else has the same challenges and would love to hear some common ground.
 
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Galaxy16

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As I was a nurse aide, there are people blind, deaf, but still play music,
This reminds me of Beethoven.
Beethoven also composed music while he was deaf, due to his powerful mind's sound imagination.
Unfortunately, he never got to enjoy some masterpieces he composed. At least, hundreds of millions of other people enjoyed it.
someone who has CHARGE syndrome, which is one of the more f*cked up disabilities out there, He's legally Blind, profoundly Deaf, has a cleft palate, something is wrong with his hormones and will never grow beyond 4 ft, horomone problems screws up his sex drive, has heart problems with a shunt in his heart, Has facial palsy and has a hard time eating. I mean this dude probably has more to go on. He was sheltered by his parents and people around him told him he couldn't do this couldn't do that, ended up in the special needs class in school to learn how to fold clothes etc. I met this guy later in life but he already had a dry cleaning business, he was not sharp but he was able to create something that made his life meaningful and help others while doing it.
This is very inspiring.

I am also telling my friend not to compare himself with Julian Pawel Claßen and Bianca Heinicke, who are considered as the happiest and most admired couple in germany. They are coupled since early 2009.
Their YouTube channels combined have 9 million subscribers, of which the latter crossed 5 million less than 2 days ago, making her the most subscribed YouTube channel owner of germany. They are both at a vibrant age of 25 now, and their estimated net worth is close to 20 million, also due to Bianca's body lotion business called "nuwena GmbH".
I tell my friend to comfort him: But Bianca Heinicke has no peace in publicity due to recognition by strangers, and also a music video with over 2 million dislikes (ever heard of "Bibi H - Wap Bap"? That's her!).

But a level of freedom (at least private freedom such as traveling and healthy sexual experiences) and prosperity that these two people have, is still an unmatched utopia, my friend thinks.

I will show him your excellent post, despite I do not think that he wishes to expose his disability online. He feels like he is in the body of an 100 year old person. But let's give it a try.
 

jpanarra

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This reminds me of Beethoven.
Beethoven also composed music while he was deaf, due to his powerful mind's sound imagination.
Unfortunately, he never got to enjoy some masterpieces he composed. At least, hundreds of millions of other people enjoyed it.

This is very inspiring.

I am also telling my friend not to compare himself with Julian Pawel Claßen and Bianca Heinicke, who are considered as the happiest and most admired couple in germany. They are coupled since early 2009.
Their YouTube channels combined have 9 million subscribers, of which the latter crossed 5 million less than 2 days ago, making her the most subscribed YouTube channel owner of germany. They are both at a vibrant age of 25 now, and their estimated net worth is close to 20 million, also due to Bianca's body lotion business called "nuwena GmbH".
I tell my friend to comfort him: But Bianca Heinicke has no peace in publicity due to recognition by strangers, and also a music video with over 2 million dislikes (ever heard of "Bibi H - Wap Bap"? That's her!).

But a level of freedom (at least private freedom such as traveling and healthy sexual experiences) and prosperity that these two people have, is still an unmatched utopia, my friend thinks.

I will show him your excellent post, despite I do not think that he wishes to expose his disability online. He feels like he is in the body of an 100 year old person. But let's give it a try.


I'm not saying he has to 'expose' or put his disablity on display. But rather the opposite, come to terms with it and expose HIMSELF for who he is and what he can offer and help.
 

Late Bloomer

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Galaxy, it seems you have an assumption about life that you live by. Actually several.
The first assumption is: If circumstances are bad enough, than a person has NO POWER OR ABILITY AT ALL to choose a more positive attitude.

Frankl's book Man's Search For Meaning disproves this. Totally blows it out of the water.
Dr. Frankl developed his philosophy and psychology in a World War II concentration camp. After he had lost his family, his home, his freedom, his career, the manuscript to his first book based on a lifetime of research, most of his health, and any hope of rescue or recovery or an end to wartime austerity and brutality.

I think if we're honest, we need to agree that most people reading this forum will NEVER face a circumstance quite that bleak and brutal.

And his conclusion, which he explains in great details, is that the last human freedom, to choose our own response to life, at least within the sanctity and privacy of our own minds, still exists and still belongs to each of us.

His book's sold probably well over ten million copies by now, and in every generation since he wrote it, you can find countless people who say this one book inspired how they think, feel, and believe moment by moment through life's darkest hours, more than anything else.

There may be some times that health issues prevent enough glucose and oxygen from reaching neurons in the brain, so that a new thought is physically impossible to connect across the neurotransmitters right then.
All other times, Frankl and many others across the millennia of recorded human existence and from every inhabited continent, have told us that there IS more measure of free will and choice than you believe is possible for your friend... or for you, while your friend yet suffers.

I can provide, and others can provide, plenty of the wisest, most profound words and ideas, some of the most acclaimed and influential concepts and books ever expounded in a poetic, moving, and intellectually rigorous way. And I suspect you'll keep on rejecting them, not even cracking open the first page, because they contradict the presupposed conclusions you already assume as givens, the central Scripting of your own life and beliefs.

So the very same wisdom that can be found in Frankl, in the Stoics and Epicureans, in Krishna's dialogue with Arjuna in the Gita and in St. Paul's letters from prison, in the Noble Truths of Siddhartha (his first one is that Life Really Sucks), in the modern day interviews and Youtube channels of some people who've been through hell, in the advice of the Tao and of the Tenth Guru, in the existentialists and the positive psychologists, in the Strangest Secret retold again by Earl Nightingale... none of this will be a good enough rope, to someone who's predefined the conclusion that there could not be a good enough rope to save me or anyone.

You also have the assumption that you can speak for your friend about what NEW ideas he definitely could accept or use. Without, as far as I can tell, your having ever discussed these specific concepts with him. And without your giving him the respect and freedom to make up his own mind.

So, you are splashing deeper into the swamp, with a belief that NO ROPE COULD EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH, rejecting rope and rope thrown in the attempt to help you get to shore... asking again for people outside of you to solve the contradictions are are actually a fight between conflicting ideas within your own mind.

What is that rope, offered in so many sizes and colors from all directions?
The truth that each of us, including your friend, and including you regardless of what your friend chooses to do, really can choose our own beliefs and attitudes, for our own good or our own harm. Even when life really, really sucks.
 
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Galaxy16

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nd I suspect you'll keep on rejecting them, not even cracking open the first page,
I have not rejected anything. I really appreciated it.
The problem is just that he is permanently emotionally being bothered by his disabilities, and he knows that he will also be suffering from them after succeeding in life, if science finds no way of repairing it.
He wishes he could just turn off emotions and jealousy to the vast majority of people that he will ever see in his life.
He considers himself as having as less freedom as a millionaire at age 95.


Let's hope that this book will help him to stay in his head and just ignore the rest of his body.
 

CaptainAmerica

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Wow, this is awesome stuff! Second time this week it's come up? Something like that. Here's the deal: your friend is never going to be his vision of whole and free. So - he needs to change that vision, and work towards something that he made up out of thin air.

I can't work a straight job. I laughingly tell people I'm unemployable because of my strong personality. There's an element of truth in that. The reality is, I only have about 4 hours of energy a day to work with.

He's going to be miserable regardless of his financial success if he keeps comparing himself to other people. I will never play pro basketball. If I worked myself into a morass of pity and anxiety over it, especially being surrounded by athletes, I'd go mad. That's what he's doing. But he's never going to play pro basketball either. Doesn't mean he can't enjoy the game.

There's a lot of freedom in making stuff up. Maybe ask a little kid 'what kind of work do you think I do?' and see what they say.
 
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Real Deal Denver

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Except science finds a cure.

Stem cells. I hope. I really really hope!

Before you rebutt what I just said here. I personally know someone who has CHARGE syndrome, which is one of the more f*cked up disabilities out there, He's legally Blind, profoundly Deaf, has a cleft palate, something is wrong with his hormones and will never grow beyond 4 ft, horomone problems screws up his sex drive, has heart problems with a shunt in his heart, Has facial palsy and has a hard time eating. I mean this dude probably has more to go on. He was sheltered by his parents and people around him told him he couldn't do this couldn't do that, ended up in the special needs class in school to learn how to fold clothes etc. I met this guy later in life but he already had a dry cleaning business, he was not sharp but he was able to create something that made his life meaningful and help others while doing it.

AMAZING post. This must be one truly amazing guy!

A small suggestion I mean if his disability is so nasty and unique, It might be interesting for him to write about it, blog about it, make a youtube channel about it because odds are out there someone else has the same challenges and would love to hear some common ground.

You want to see two very disabled people that surpassed expectations most "normal" people could not hope to attain - Nick Vujicic, a personal role model for me - and Stephen Hawking.

Two amazing people that I'm sure your friend can draw inspiration from!

The guy with the laundromat too! There are others in the world with severe disabilities. Staying in ones own shell is the worst thing they can do. So write - blog - get OUT of the shell!

I will show him your excellent post, despite I do not think that he wishes to expose his disability online. He feels like he is in the body of an 100 year old person. But let's give it a try.

You are a kind-hearted generous person to be trying to help your friend. I hope the advice here will be of help to you. So many people would love to have a friend such as you, but will never know that. That in itself is a great blessing your friend has that most people don't. I will be praying for you and your friend.

And speaking of praying, I cannot encourage you enough to watch some Nick Vujicic videos on YouTube. He also has several books out.
 

natbag

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This reminds me of Beethoven.
I am also telling my friend not to compare himself with Julian Pawel Claßen and Bianca Heinicke, who are considered as the happiest and most admired couple in germany. They are coupled since early 2009.
Their YouTube channels combined have 9 million subscribers, of which the latter crossed 5 million less than 2 days ago, making her the most subscribed YouTube channel owner of germany. They are both at a vibrant age of 25 now, and their estimated net worth is close to 20 million, also due to Bianca's body lotion business called "nuwena GmbH".
I tell my friend to comfort him: But Bianca Heinicke has no peace in publicity due to recognition by strangers, and also a music video with over 2 million dislikes (ever heard of "Bibi H - Wap Bap"? That's her!).

But a level of freedom (at least private freedom such as traveling and healthy sexual experiences) and prosperity that these two people have, is still an unmatched utopia, my friend thinks.

Hey, OP. Your friend's situation struck a chord with me, so I'm going to try and give some perspective based on my own experience, as well as my partner's. As someone who's been wracked with seizures for over 10 years now, I don't consider myself "disabled" so much as "occasionally disrupted," but I do know what it feels like to be a prisoner: to your body, to your brain, and ultimately to your own self-defeating mentality. It's helped me to remember a few things:

- Comparisons are a killer. Someone can have everything your friend wants and still be miserable. I do get it - this is something people would always tell me, and I thought it was an empty platitude until I saw it for myself: the same way people with massive friend circles can still be lonely, I've met people with more -fill in the blank- (money, power, girls) than they know what to do with, but they still feel like it's not enough. Your friend gets this, and he gets that a check for $10,000,000 could fall in his lap and it wouldn't solve his issues -- but it might help to remember that the real solution is in his reach, if he's willing to put the work in and change his mindset.

- Remember what you have to offer. Does your friend have something he's great at, or at least something he's passionate about? Any interests? Even if he had 0 skills right now, there are so many you can pick up for free, and I can't understate the massive confidence boost you can get for creating something with your own two hands (or code, or writing, etc.)

- Everyone is temporarily "able-bodied," and health is impermanent. I don't know the nature of your friend's condition, but I'm assuming he's sound of mind. You're at the physical prime of your life for less than a decade. A legacy is something that transcends lifetimes.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I haven't said anything that hasn't been said much better already. :p So I'll address your friend's relationship concerns.

I can't speak for the women your friend would like to meet, but personally, the main 3 traits I look for are 1. Ambition 2. Passion (i.e. what gets you out of bed in the morning, or a "why") and 3. Intelligence. My partner's a brilliant painter and hits all 3 points for me, and also happens to be in a wheelchair from permanent nerve damage. I would never claim that the dating world doesn't suck with a disability -- it's either a dealbreaker to most people, or you attract a lot of chasers ("devotees"). I'm just saying that if your friend lets your disability consume his entire identity, then he's dead in the water before he even starts.
 
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Late Bloomer

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Hey, OP. Your friend's situation struck a chord with me, so I'm going to try and give some perspective based on my own experience, as well as my partner's.

Thanks so much for your compassionate post from your own experience. I hope that you get whatever help minimizes the disruption of the seizures. One of the things that drew me to MJ's Fastlane mindset, is that it's possible to create a business where we're paid well for our good hours, even though we might also have some bad times that are unpredictable. I'm still working to put that together for myself, but I see some real possibilities through what I'm learning at the forum. Great post!
 

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I know it is difficult to live with a disability whether a physical or a mental. You need to think about the happy things in life. Family is the best thing for a man. Their happiness can eradicate any pain or suffering. Just hang in there and don't let the bad thoughts win.
 

Galaxy16

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to think about the happy things in life. Family is the best thing for a man. Their happiness can eradicate any pain or suffering. Just hang in there and don't let the bad thoughts win.
Totally correct.
But he may never find true love, and some people say (me too, pssst) they would rather be mediocre but healthy than a billionaire with his kind of disability.
 
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ay47

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Have you encouraged him at creating his own support network? There are lots of resources like Facebook Groups, forums etc online. Community services and hospitals offline.

I don't know what disability he has. If he is determined to be on the FastLane, why not look at creating something that will help with his disability? He would know the pain of the group better than anyone. It has to be real productocracy though. I would hate to hear a value faker taking advantage of pp with disabilities.

Striking a chord as I received some bad news recently.
 
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B. Cole

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Stephen Hawking.

Jason Becker, former guitarist stricken with ALS, continues to write music, release albums and have other people play it for him.

Josh Blue. The comedian, took advantage of his disability and used it as a comical advantage.

I personally know a paraplegic man who has a successful masonry business. He pulls up in his van to check on his jobs, rolls his butt down the ramp and across the job site in his motorized chair. Even brings his workers supplies, I’ve seen him carry a lap full of bricks from his van to his crew.

If your friend has a capable mind, he can be successful. I say this because of your rejection of every response in this thread. It sounds like either he or you don’t want an answer.

A couple of Jim Rohn quotes come to mind...

“Don’t wish life were easier. Wish you were better.”

“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.”

Best of luck, it seems you’re a great friend, but the help you seek may not be on this forum.
 

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Best of luck, it seems you’re a great friend, but the help you seek may not be on this forum.

I think he's looking for an answer that includes two parts:
1. You're right that your friend's situation is so awful that it's hopeless for him to have any mental focus, inner happiness, and outward success.
2. At the same time, here's what you can tell him that is all he'll need to know to be sharp, joyous, and wealthy.

No answer any of us can provide will satisfy both requirements.
 
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D

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I got very sick and I mean very sick a year and a half ago (I was losing my vision slowly but surely) and the way I cured myself is by going on a whole food plant base diet along with taking herbs that support my glands

Detoxing is a bitch and that is an understatement of biblical proportions but it's the only way of getting rid of a chronic disease

Tell your friend to subscribe to Dr. Morse YouTube channel and watch all his video, it'll save his life I'm not kidding

 

Galaxy16

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why not look at creating something that will help with his disability?
He is not a biologist.

Larry Page is also not one, despite of Calico. But Larry Page had the money to launch Calico and hire employees.
 

Galaxy16

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I think he's looking for an answer that includes two parts:
1. You're right that your friend's situation is so awful that it's hopeless for him to have any mental focus, inner happiness, and outward success.
2. At the same time, here's what you can tell him that is all he'll need to know to be sharp, joyous, and wealthy.

No answer any of us can provide will satisfy both requirements.
He just for now wishes to concentrate and not be emotionally hijacked.
 
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Galaxy16

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Stephen Hawking.

Which person would be ready to swap bodies with him?
I mean, he is one of the most valuable people to mankind, next to 1stein, but he himself never really had the opportunity of freedom in lifd.
 

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