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HOT TOPIC Coping with serious disabilities?

Galaxy16

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I have a close friend, who also wants to get an Unscripted Entrepreneur, but there is a problem:
He is physically disabled in a way that he will never achieve freedom and the quality of life he would like. And he has one chronic disease which is not life-threatening at all, but very compromising and freedom-draining.
He says: "I wish I was as free as Reece Curran from the music video 'Mike Perry - The Ocean'".


He is not nearly as disabled as Nick Vujicic, but still in a way he loses life quality.
He could read the books of Nick Vujicic, but my friend is non-religious and the Vujicic books are christian. (if this line is enough to be considered as a violation against the forum rules against religion, please remove it. I thought this was worth mentioning.).
Additionally, Nick Vujicic got respect by hundreds of millions of people around the world, and Vujicic is really rich, so he profited financially from his disability, but not rewardingly in terms of life quality and freedom, unless stem cells can regrow legs and arms.

My friend is worried that he will be declined by entrepreneurially minded women he might meet in future, if ever.

(This should be treated factually and not pervert(ed)ly: ) His disability affects his sexual life negatively too. And he has already emotional stress when thinking about the fact that he will not be able to have sex without restrictions.

He has trouble concentrating during reading books because he gets emotionally distracted by his disability, thinking "I will carry this disability wherever I go, even if I read 10000 business books" and "having these disabilities was so unlikely. Why do I have to be a victim of these?"
He just wishes he could forget about his disability, and make the best of his remaining life quality.

I tried but could do nothing to comfort or emotionally help him, so I am looking for advice.
When I suggested him to just accept his disability, he told me, that acceptance never makes happy and he wants to get an Unscripted Entrepreneur to particularly escape a life of financial acceptance of mediocrity, but he can not escape a disability. And I can understand him.
  • How would you emotionally handle a disability that permanently reduces your freedom and pleasure?
  • What advice would you tell to him to help him?
He says: "What I say might just sound like nothing beyond sound waves, and I speak in a language that only other disabled people understand, but there is a true meaning behind it."

This is an attempt of mine to help him, and hopefully it is worthed it.
 

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Ninjakid

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I have Tourettes, and although it's not as serious as many cases I've seen, it is something I deal with every day.

I don't whine about it, because feeling sorry for myself prevents me from living the life I'm meant to live.

I don't identify with it. It's something I deal with, but it's not the thing that makes me me.

I accept that it's there, but I make the choice to fight any problems that come with it, no matter what they are.

I focus only on what I can control and what I can improve, and those qualities shine so brightly they burn away everything else.

I'm not sure what your friend has, and my case probably isn't nearly as debilitating, but your friend is still in control of who he wants to be. It's his choice if he wants to take charge and develop himself as an outstanding individual despite of his ailments, or sink into the trap of self-pity.

Self-pity is quite easy, Even people with no disabilities do it. Worse for your friend, it will never be hard for him to find people who feel sorry for him and keep his pity party rolling all night. He can choose to be a victim and be a martyr, no one will stop him.

What can you do? Encourage him to take charge of himself and his life. If we won't, there's no helping people who don't want to be helped.
 

Mr.Brandtastic

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This is a great thread. I'm very proud of you for trying to be such a good friend. That's admirable.

I think what I would say to a friend or anyone who wants to take the Fastlane journey but has serious disabilities: Do it anyway. At the end of the day, the fastlane(or building a brand) is not about who you are. It's not about any of that. It's about having anyone be able to succeed anywhere as long as they create something great.

People love underdog stories. People love stories of others getting over their problems and explaining how they dealt with it. I remember vividly in school we had multiple people with disabilities come and talk to us as motivational speakers. I'd make him watch videos of this nature to understand that his limitations will not hold him back, nor should they.

As for limiting relationships. It will. Unfortunately. I would tell him that those who stay will truly care and those who leave never will.
 

Dylan Hobrecht

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He’ll be ok. I’m sure he has the desire to do this!

With that desire there is no stopping him. Just help him through it...

Disabilities aren’t fun, and I’m not sure if you are able to work through them. You just do your best to cope.

Is he just starting out with entrepreneurship because it sounds like he is going through what I went through at the beginning.

It’s not fun, they say it’s hard, messy, and then nice. It’s hard man, he must fight through it. He needs to dig deep. Desire alone won’t get him there

He needs determination and drive along with desire. Or you could just get him to start. On the path less traveled. The road less taken!



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

WJK

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I have a close friend, who also wants to get an Unscripted Entrepreneur, but there is a problem:
He is physically disabled in a way that he will never achieve freedom and the quality of life he would like. And he has one chronic disease which is not life-threatening at all, but very compromising and freedom-draining.
He says: "I wish I was as free as Reece Curran from the music video 'Mike Perry - The Ocean'".


He is not nearly as disabled as Nick Vujicic, but still in a way he loses life quality.
He could read the books of Nick Vujicic, but my friend is non-religious and the Vujicic books are christian. (if this line is enough to be considered as a violation against the forum rules against religion, please remove it. I thought this was worth mentioning.).
Additionally, Nick Vujicic got respect by hundreds of millions of people around the world, and Vujicic is really rich, so he profited financially from his disability, but not rewardingly in terms of life quality and freedom, unless stem cells can regrow legs and arms.

My friend is worried that he will be declined by entrepreneurially minded women he might meet in future, if ever.

(This should be treated factually and not pervert(ed)ly: ) His disability affects his sexual life negatively too. And he has already emotional stress when thinking about the fact that he will not be able to have sex without restrictions.

He has trouble concentrating during reading books because he gets emotionally distracted by his disability, thinking "I will carry this disability wherever I go, even if I read 10000 business books" and "having these disabilities was so unlikely. Why do I have to be a victim of these?"
He just wishes he could forget about his disability, and make the best of his remaining life quality.

I tried but could do nothing to comfort or emotionally help him, so I am looking for advice.
When I suggested him to just accept his disability, he told me, that acceptance never makes happy and he wants to get an Unscripted Entrepreneur to particularly escape a life of financial acceptance of mediocrity, but he can not escape a disability. And I can understand him.
  • How would you emotionally handle a disability that permanently reduces your freedom and pleasure?
  • What advice would you tell to him to help him?
He says: "What I say might just sound like nothing beyond sound waves, and I speak in a language that only other disabled people understand, but there is a true meaning behind it."

This is an attempt of mine to help him, and hopefully it is worthed it.
This is a great lesson for you. You can't change what is -- just your point of view. Support your friend in his struggles. Lead with your own success. Everyone around you will benefit.
 

Late Bloomer

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Suppose that you had absolutely perfect health and energy.
You would still only be able to work something less than 168 hours a week.
Even if you slept little, ate fast, had no commute and no social life, and could shower & shave with military precision every day, you'd be unlike to make more than 120 hours every week.
So if you were absolutely nonstop relentless in every hour, you could do three times what a normal 40 hour a week person could do.
If you were totally focused, and the average worker wastes 2/3 of their working time on daydreams, Facebook,and fantasy football, that might bump you up to about ten times what the average person could do.
That's the absolute total limit.

By that comparison, the Google guys shouldn't have been able to make more than about a million dollars a year (ten times an upper-tier Silicon Valley developer salary). MJ shouldn't have been able to take home more than the chauffeur's pay for about 8,000 miles a week (assuming 100 hours a week on the freeway with never a traffic jam). Subway's founder would be able to make about 1,500 sandwiches a week.

Obviously these guys all broke the dollars per hour limit. They got paid incredibly well for their very best hours, in a way that consistently built those best hours on top of each other. They put the Time and Scale principles on their own side.

Careers guru Dick Bolles pointed out that when you compare to the best of humanity - being able to write a symphony like Mozart, dunk a basketball like Michael Jordan, tell a story like JK Rowling - we're all handicapped.

We also all have something we do well enough that it's worth paying for. And if we can figure out how to efficiently scale it, it's worth getting paid a LOT for. Not because we personally make more lines of code, more limo trips, or more sandwiches. But because we use what we can do to create a system that can outperform our personal limitations.

Which is what I'm here to learn!

As for your friend, Galaxy (sorry, I don't see your actual name)... he knows that you care, that you believe in him, that you hope he'll be able to find some happiness, that you'd like to see him succeed. These are things you can repeat because you care. How he responds to all that, whether he'd like to look at how other people have dealt with disabilities, whether he'd find it worthwhile to explore counseling... all of that is up to him, truly outside your control.
 

Mainstream7

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Get him to read stoic philosophy. David Heinemeier Hansson is a great stoic entrepreneur. Your friend should focus on what he can control, and that is to do the best to his ability.
 

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Suppose that you had absolutely perfect health and energy.
You would still only be able to work something less than 168 hours a week.
Even if you slept little, ate fast, had no commute and no social life, and could shower & shave with military precision every day, you'd be unlike to make more than 120 hours every week.
So if you were absolutely nonstop relentless in every hour, you could do three times what a normal 40 hour a week person could do.
If you were totally focused, and the average worker wastes 2/3 of their working time on daydreams, Facebook,and fantasy football, that might bump you up to about ten times what the average person could do.
That's the absolute total limit.

By that comparison, the Google guys shouldn't have been able to make more than about a million dollars a year (ten times an upper-tier Silicon Valley developer salary). MJ shouldn't have been able to take home more than the chauffeur's pay for about 8,000 miles a week (assuming 100 hours a week on the freeway with never a traffic jam). Subway's founder would be able to make about 1,500 sandwiches a week.

Obviously these guys all broke the dollars per hour limit. They got paid incredibly well for their very best hours, in a way that consistently built those best hours on top of each other. They put the Time and Scale principles on their own side.

Careers guru Dick Bolles pointed out that when you compare to the best of humanity - being able to write a symphony like Mozart, dunk a basketball like Michael Jordan, tell a story like JK Rowling - we're all handicapped.

We also all have something we do well enough that it's worth paying for. And if we can figure out how to efficiently scale it, it's worth getting paid a LOT for. Not because we personally make more lines of code, more limo trips, or more sandwiches. But because we use what we can do to create a system that can outperform our personal limitations.

Which is what I'm here to learn!

As for your friend, Galaxy (sorry, I don't see your actual name)... he knows that you care, that you believe in him, that you hope he'll be able to find some happiness, that you'd like to see him succeed. These are things you can repeat because you care. How he responds to all that, whether he'd like to look at how other people have dealt with disabilities, whether he'd find it worthwhile to explore counseling... all of that is up to him, truly outside your control.
What. An. Awesome. Post.

If you're not a counselor of some type Bloomer, you are missing your calling.

I had three counselors two years ago, and occasionally still spit when I think of them. I tied so very hard to explain what I needed and why. They had their own agenda, which did more harm than good for me, and eventually I told them all to pound sand.

I sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with me. Why couldn't I connect and benefit with what they were saying? Or, maybe they were idiots, and couldn't hear what I was saying? Probably for the same reasons Michael Dell, Bill Gates, and Mark Zuckerberg threw in the towel and quit college - and going out on their own.

I have NO doubt whatsoever that you would be a better counselor than the three I had - combined.

Your words are very helpful to me, and I can't imagine what more could be said to help the disabled OP topic of this post. This is a great service you have performed.

You have wisdom, and the skill to convey it. Every word of your post energized me. Fantistico!
 
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Late Bloomer

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What. An. Awesome. Post.

If you're not a counselor of some type Bloomer, you are missing your calling.
Thank you so much for the kind words. Going through some hard times, some I've mentioned here and some I haven't, helped build an intense drive in me to find psychological truth and moral wisdom. I wouldn't recommend this path to anyone!

Obviously I still have some things to learn. But overall, I have been fortunate to learn a lot. Including some things that are helpful to others, now and then. When that happens, it feels that something true intuitively came through me, rather than from me. I don't have a specific explanation, but I can usually tell when it happens.

As I go about my weekly routine, most weeks I get a few responses like yours. I don't want to try to sell this. It happens unpredictably, and I'm not trained and licensed for a professional counseling role. But it does mean a lot to me when it does happen. I'm glad what I said was helpful. If you'd like to follow up, please feel free to send a direct inbox note.
 

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Hey @Scot thanks for the shout out.

I've been Deaf my whole life and its just an normal way of life for me and I really don't feel/see it as a disability because it works as a filter and launching platform if you angle yourself in all of the different ways.
He has trouble concentrating during reading books because he gets emotionally distracted by his disability, thinking "I will carry this disability wherever I go, even if I read 10000 business books" and "having these disabilities was so unlikely. Why do I have to be a victim of these?"
He just wishes he could forget about his disability, and make the best of his remaining life quality.
This is a mindset only HE can change. People get inspired by 'disabled' success and you get so much more reinforcement as a source of inspiration for other. The reality is most people don't care about you unless it makes a good story that makes them feel like they can do the same for themselves.

For me, I would suggest that he LOVES his disability as opposed to 'accepting'. I love being deaf, my wife is deaf, my children are deaf. I love it for the challenges it puts in front of me because its like a video game, Instead of playing on 'Normal' Difficulty, I'm gnna rekt this game on 'Very Hard' and own up on it.
 

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Mattie

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  • How would you emotionally handle a disability that permanently reduces your freedom and pleasure?
  • What advice would you tell to him to help him?
Being a former nurse aide, I would say he would have to get over his self-limiting beliefs. I am aware of the disabilities of many different people, and I can't say what his limitations are psychologically and emotionally, but I've seen many people with disabilities move mountains if they want too. It's just a matter of finding the right people to assist him.

Example: Stephen Hawkins never allowed his disability to get in the way. It's a catch 22, because I've seen some people eat healthy, find the best medications, hire respite care or an assistant, and maneuver around their obstacles, while others just fall back and think they can't do anything. I don't think the intellect and emotions are the problem unless they have some kind of brain injury, but you hear stories all the time of those who just won't give up on themselves, work hard, and overcome the impossible. This is mental toughness, adversity, and self-limiting belief. I would encourage him to watch stories like this or read up on successful people who managed to move beyond the physical disabilities.
 
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Galaxy16

Galaxy16

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but your friend is still in control of who he wants to be. I
He totally agrees, that one is responsible for his own life, and one can change.
However, he did not choose to be disabled. And unless science finds a way to cure it, he can not choose to become undisabled.
He is not able to take responsibility for a disability that is not his fault.
If one got disabled by treasonous decisions (TMF page somewhere around 160, as far as I can recall) such as driving drunk and then needing a wheelchair, then it is responsibility.

But he could not had done anything to have prevented his disability. And he has not behaved stupid (e.g. take drugs) to get disabled potentially for a lifetime.
It was imposed on him, and there are some triggers that remind him to his disability, e.g. Television advertisements with loving couples, or couples in real life on the open street, he gets reminded to how much he will be excluded from, no matter the money.

Currently, there are no complete medical procedures to cure him.
 
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Galaxy16

Galaxy16

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Careers guru Dick Bolles pointed out that when you compare to the best of humanity - being able to write a symphony like Mozart, dunk a basketball like Michael Jordan, tell a story like JK Rowling - we're all handicapped.
But he is not handicapped compared to the gifted 0,01% but rather a vast majority of mankind.
 

Late Bloomer

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Responsibility = it is up to you how to respond to a situation.
It doesn't necessarily mean that you caused it, by anything you did or didn't do.
My oncologist said, "It's just random bad luck for you to have this disease."
I'm not responsible at all for the fact that it happened.
I am responsible for what happens next, to the extent that it's in my control.
Fortunately, clean scans and virtually no likelihood of recurrence... but, some lingering fatigue and other complications from the treatment... which are my responsibility to work around in designing my future career.
 
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Galaxy16

Galaxy16

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Your friend should focus on what he can control,
Focussing is yet another problem.
Sometimes, he can concentrate, sometimes, he questions the purpose of life with that disability. It drains his willpower and he sometimes can not let go of the fact that he misses out on much pleasure in life potentially forever
 
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Galaxy16

Galaxy16

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it is up to you how to respond to a situation.
He is much stronger at responsibility than most other people, but he does certainly not know how to respond to a situation that involves a permanently inferior life experience.
 
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Galaxy16

Galaxy16

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I really don't feel/see it as a disability because it works as a filter and launching platform if you angle yourself in all of the different ways.
There is no way one can see his disability positively.
 

Late Bloomer

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He is much stronger at responsibility than most other people, but he does certainly not know how to respond to a situation that involves a permanently inferior life experience.
First... it's kind of you to want to help your friend make the most of whatever could be good in his life. However, at a certain point, you have to recognize that his own choice of philosophy of life, thought process, attitude, perspective, focus, etc., is really up to him and not up to you.

A caring friend or family member can only do so much. Psychological counseling is a valid profession. So is the ministry. So is clinical social work.

It might be that if your friend's state of mind is troubling him a great deal, turning to someone with a professional degree, credentialed supervised training, and many years of career experience, working with people in difficult circumstances, under a code of ethical conduct, might be of value to him, but that's up to him. In my own case, doctors, social workers, counselors, and ministers were all very helpful people for me to talk things over with, as were support groups at the cancer center.

Second... when people offer the best that they know of to try to help, shooting down each and every well intentioned suggestion with "yes, but" is a way to get people to lose interest in trying to help. I don't see that you said, "thanks for sharing from your own difficult life experience," or for others, "thanks for passing along those ideas," etc., BEFORE you immediately jumped to, "that won't work for him, you have to do better than that on his behalf, via me, his agent for psychological advice and motivation."

Third... Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning is one of the most profound and life-changing books I've ever read. Perhaps it might help your friend, as it helped me.

Fourth... you're pretty close to proving that whatever sympathy or insight people are supposed to provide, that would change anything for you or your friend... this forum's probably not equipped to provide it as you seem to hope or expect or demand.

I'm going to unfollow this thread. If there is a specific way I can realistically be of service, you may contact me directly.
 
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Galaxy16

Galaxy16

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would have to get over his self-limiting beliefs. I am aware of the disabilities of many different people,
He wishes he could just concentrate with his technically intact brain, but there are many triggers such as advertisement billboards with love couples, who are able to enjoy a life he can nothing but dream of.

Of course, he feels happy for non-disabled people who enjoy their lives, but that does not make the pleasure of his own only life better.
 
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Galaxy16

Galaxy16

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Stephen Hawkins never allowed his disability to get in the way.
Stephen Hawking is a real legend in mankind, but unfortunately, he never got to enjoy his own life in a way Reece Curran does with Caroline Dahm in the music video The Ocean.

He actually, as far as I know, was not always disabled, and he could live nearly normally until his adulthood.
 
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Galaxy16

Galaxy16

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Hello, all thread readers.
I am highly grateful for the attempts of this wonderful community in helping him with his serious life-degrading situation so far.
 
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Galaxy16

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However, at a certain point, you have to recognize that his own choice of philosophy of life, thought process, attitude, perspective, focus, etc., is really up to him and not up to you.
Correct. But he really has serious trouble with his disability.
He is never hurting himself like depressive people, because he still has giant goals in life.
But he is worried about how his disability will compromise his life forever.

He says he wishes to escape his body.
 
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Galaxy16

Galaxy16

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. I don't see that you said, "thanks for sharing from your own difficult life experience," or for others, "thanks for passing along those ideas," etc., BEFORE you immediately jumped to, "that won't work for him, you have to do better than that on his behalf, via me, his agent for psychological advice and motivation."
You are right.
I have posted a big thank before this post.
 
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Galaxy16

Galaxy16

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What the hell are we supposed to say or do, that will enable you to make things right for him?
If he or me knew, we would not have asked here.
You may wish to leave the discussion, but I am grateful for your participation.
 

Late Bloomer

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If he or me knew, we would not have asked here.
You may wish to leave the discussion, but I am grateful for your participation.
I've given several specific suggestions of places to turn for a level of help that this forum simply can't provide to you.

I think that repeatedly asking the same question of people who don't have the answers you seek, won't get you better results with repeated asking, and repeated rejection of each and every attempt at an answer.

I encourage you to use the kind of resources I mentioned, and also to see if there is an online forum or Facebook group, specifically for seriously disabled people in general, or for extremely traumatic lifelong disasters in general, or for people with his particular type of disability in particular, and for their friends and loved ones.

I think further attempts to get very, very deep psychology and philosophy and mental health guidance from a business & entrepreneurship forum, isn't likely to get very far no matter how much you keep pushing it here.

If this really does matter a lot to you, I offer the strongest imploring that you find people equipped to meaningfully counsel and guide through this distressing situation you observe in your dear friend's life.
 
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