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S.M.

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I hang out with a group of friends. Together we have a good relationship,however they are all either sidewalkers or slowlaners. Their only ambition is to stay and live in their country/region,get a job,get a paycheck.My ambitions (also because I attend this forum) are inevitably different from theirs,and do not match theirs at all.What to do ? Continue with them or go my own way ?
 
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Ayobami23

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I hang out with a group of friends. Together we have a good relationship,however they are all either sidewalkers or slowlaners. Their only ambition is to stay and live in their country/region,get a job,get a paycheck.My ambitions (also because I attend this forum) are inevitably different from theirs,and do not match theirs at all.What to do ? Continue with them or go my own way ?
Comerade ,e never reach this level na
 

Coexi

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You shouldn't continue with them if they are slowing you down and keeping you in the slow lane. Finding irl friends is hard enough though.
 
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BizyDad

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You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.'
Such an awful cliche.

No wonder successful people are often lonely. Too many people propogate this myth.

First off, the five people you spend the most time with, as an entrepreneur, is often either your family or your employees. So you're the average of 3 kids and a partner? The average of your top employees?

Taken literally, this triteness makes no sense.

Sure, it is great to be in rooms with people smarter or more successful than you. But how much time do you really get with people like that? They've got their own lives too. And it gets harder to do as everyone gets older and more settled.

But people act like Musk, Jobs, Gates, Bezos, and Buffet all hang out with only each other and that's how they got to be so grrrrreat. Puh-lease.

Sure, some people "hold you back", if you let them.

Those same people are often the best ones to "keep you grounded".

It's all perspective. Truly, we can't answer this question for you

If you have real friends, not just "people I hang out with", but I'm talking true blue philos-love level friends, don't cut those people from your life for any reason. Maybe you spend less time while you pursue your dreams, and you'll know they're there for you when they celebrate your successes.

If these are just "friends for now" then so what? What's wrong with having beers with sidewalkers and sharing some laughs?

Ultimately the only one holding you back from your dreams is you.

If you have bigger dreams than your friends what are you doing to pursue them? What action can you take today to make those dreams a reality?

That's what you need to worry about...
 

Pink Sheep

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I hang out with a group of friends. Together we have a good relationship,however they are all either sidewalkers or slowlaners. Their only ambition is to stay and live in their country/region,get a job,get a paycheck.My ambitions (also because I attend this forum) are inevitably different from theirs,and do not match theirs at all.What to do ? Continue with them or go my own way ?
No reason to cut them off. You can choose to spend less time with them though.
 

heavy_industry

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the only one holding you back from your dreams is you
^

No need to isolate yourself socially.
If you are not successful, it's not your friends that are holding you back, it's you.

Start the new life that you want. But don't share any info on your goals with your friends and family. They probably won't be able to help you, since entrepreneurship is not their area of expertise.
 
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WestCoast

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Such an awful cliche.
Respectfully disagree.
You might not like the saying, but there is a reason it's so popular.


Spend time with low ambition people who have less fire and passion than yourself - is a recipe for mediocrity.
Sit around with low energy complainers, and you become a complainer.
Sit around drinkers and drug users - you'll become one too.
Sit around with slowlaners, it's likely you'll be a slowlaner.

Surround yourself with hard working, forward thinking, ambitious people - and it can't help but rub off on you.

It's a choice. From your partner, to your family.
I stand by my words - chose carefully.

In 18 years of owning businesses now with 40+ people and $17M/year in revenue - I know it's true for me.
Who you surround yourself with is a huge consideration in how successful you will be.
 

S.M.

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Respectfully disagree.
You might not like the saying, but there is a reason it's so popular.


Spend time with low ambition people who have less fire and passion than yourself - is a recipe for mediocrity.
Sit around with low energy complainers, and you become a complainer.
Sit around drinkers and drug users - you'll become one too.
Sit around with slowlaners, it's likely you'll be a slowlaner.

Surround yourself with hard working, forward thinking, ambitious people - and it can't help but rub off on you.

It's a choice. From your partner, to your family.
I stand by my words - chose carefully.

In 18 years of owning businesses now with 40+ people and $17M/year in revenue - I know it's true for me.
Who you surround yourself with is a huge consideration in how successful you will be.
Thanks for the feedback. The problem is that they want to live a let's say "normal" life, not moving from their region, finding a job there and continuing to hang out with the same people. This goes absolutely against my intentions, which would be to go and live abroad and settle there. Moreover, I have the feeling that in this way I could find better people and live more experiences.
I also think that they would not understand or believe in the Fastlane philosophy.
 
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heavy_industry

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I also think that they would not understand or believe in the Fastlane philosophy.
You don't need their permission or approval to do all the things that you want to do.

Just start taking action in the positive direction that you want, and if they try to stop you, they are not your friends. They are just people you happen to know.
 

Hong_Kong

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Apr 7, 2022
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I can't be friends with people that don't inspire me. The type of social circle you are describing sounds depressing.

Cut them off immediately.

As for Gates, Musk, the people at the top etc. these people don't really have friends in the traditional sense. More a network that protects their interests, their staff, and people they work with to help accomplish their goals.

Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future.
 

Kevin88660

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I hang out with a group of friends. Together we have a good relationship,however they are all either sidewalkers or slowlaners. Their only ambition is to stay and live in their country/region,get a job,get a paycheck.My ambitions (also because I attend this forum) are inevitably different from theirs,and do not match theirs at all.What to do ? Continue with them or go my own way ?
I have different work buddies who do work together with personal laptops in cafe. They are mostly employee who happen to work from home.

I have exercises buddies who enjoy taking a fast walk as exercise.

My point was their macro goals in life are irrelevant so long we support each other on micro levels.

If you “hang out” with friends drinking it is basically for leisure and a non-productive time in my book. If you hang out with business people you could find more interesting topic to talk about. But it is not like a life and death change to me.

It is about what you do when you are together, not what you do when all of you are not together, that counts.
 

Kevin88660

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Such an awful cliche.

No wonder successful people are often lonely. Too many people propogate this myth.

First off, the five people you spend the most time with, as an entrepreneur, is often either your family or your employees. So you're the average of 3 kids and a partner? The average of your top employees?

Taken literally, this triteness makes no sense.

Sure, it is great to be in rooms with people smarter or more successful than you. But how much time do you really get with people like that? They've got their own lives too. And it gets harder to do as everyone gets older and more settled.

But people act like Musk, Jobs, Gates, Bezos, and Buffet all hang out with only each other and that's how they got to be so grrrrreat. Puh-lease.

Sure, some people "hold you back", if you let them.

Those same people are often the best ones to "keep you grounded".

It's all perspective. Truly, we can't answer this question for you

If you have real friends, not just "people I hang out with", but I'm talking true blue philos-love level friends, don't cut those people from your life for any reason. Maybe you spend less time while you pursue your dreams, and you'll know they're there for you when they celebrate your successes.

If these are just "friends for now" then so what? What's wrong with having beers with sidewalkers and sharing some laughs?

Ultimately the only one holding you back from your dreams is you.

If you have bigger dreams than your friends what are you doing to pursue them? What action can you take today to make those dreams a reality?

That's what you need to worry about...
I agree. Just like Elon Musk immersed himself with engineers and physicist when he was switching field from e-commerce payment to transportation and manufacturing.

It would be a waste time should him choose to hang out with Jeff Bezos or so called more successful business people.

If you really want to be goal oriented and result focused on choosing friends, choose based on your micro goals not their macro goals.

If you need to know about instal-gram marketing, hang out with photographers, for example.
 

S.M.

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Feb 15, 2020
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You don't need their permission or approval to do all the things that you want to do.

Just start taking action in the positive direction that you want, and if they try to stop you, they are not your friends. They are just people you happen to know.
It is not a question of approval or not: they are strongly attached to the script and by spreading Fastlane ideas they would take me for a fool. Then, I repeat, it is not my goal to stay where they live: I feel it would be limiting and would limit my growth.
 
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Kevin88660

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Respectfully disagree.
You might not like the saying, but there is a reason it's so popular.


Spend time with low ambition people who have less fire and passion than yourself - is a recipe for mediocrity.
Sit around with low energy complainers, and you become a complainer.
Sit around drinkers and drug users - you'll become one too.
Sit around with slowlaners, it's likely you'll be a slowlaner.

Surround yourself with hard working, forward thinking, ambitious people - and it can't help but rub off on you.

It's a choice. From your partner, to your family.
I stand by my words - chose carefully.

In 18 years of owning businesses now with 40+ people and $17M/year in revenue - I know it's true for me.
Who you surround yourself with is a huge consideration in how successful you will be.
It depends on how you read OP’s message.

It is good to say that you want to hang out with driven, purposeful and disciplined people. Because you feel that you benefit from it and it keeps you feel motivated.

I just don’t like the assumption that “slowlane, sidewalk” = unambitious and hence bad accompany.

You can be a disciplined professional runner who barely support yourself financially.

You can be a doctor or investment banker who has the discipline to clock grueling hours at work without complaint.
 

S.M.

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Feb 15, 2020
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I have different work buddies who do work together with personal laptops in cafe. They are mostly employee who happen to work from home.

I have exercises buddies who enjoy taking a fast walk as exercise.

My point was their macro goals in life are irrelevant so long we support each other on micro levels.

If you “hang out” with friends drinking it is basically for leisure and a non-productive time in my book. If you hang out with business people you could find more interesting topic to talk about. But it is not like a life and death change to me.

It is about what you do when you are together, not what you do when all of you are not together, that counts.
From your comment I didn't understand if I have to move away from them or not, even if I think that unconsciously I have already made a decision.
 

S.M.

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It depends on how you read OP’s message.

It is good to say that you want to hang out with driven, purposeful and disciplined people. Because you feel that you benefit from it and it keeps you feel motivated.

I just don’t like the assumption that “slowlane, sidewalk” = unambitious and hence bad accompany.

You can be a disciplined professional runner who barely support yourself financially.

You can be a doctor or investment banker who has the discipline to clock grueling hours at work without complaint.
In my case they are people without ambition who simply aspire to a quiet and "normal" life, without shocks. The classic script: study, get good grades and find a good job to pay the bills.
 
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BizyDad

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In my case they are people without ambition who simply aspire to a quiet and "normal" life, without shocks. The classic script: study, get good grades and find a good job to pay the bills.
So what?

MOVE. What country are you moving to? Where are you in that process?

Why are you so focused on them being somehow "lesser"? You decision has nothing to do with "them".

You didn't answer my original question. What are you doing TODAY to move your forward towards your goals?

If you don't have answers to that question, then all this "debate" about "what kind of friends should I have" is just action faking.

Their scripting is not your problem. Their scripting isn't holding you back.

You are holding you back. Get to work.
 

Kevin88660

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In my case they are people without ambition who simply aspire to a quiet and "normal" life, without shocks. The classic script: study, get good grades and find a good job to pay the bills.
These are not ambitious goals when you compare to like entrepreneurship journals and hustling that is glorified in the start-up space.

But I feel that there is an underestimation of the effort and determination to stay afloat to get a normal life these days.

A standard family of a working couple, two young children, normal paycheck these days with apartment and car loans usually means endless hustling with not enough time to sleep.

Life by nature is hard. Entrepreneurship just add in more sacrifices and difficulty.

The slowlane script (get good grade and find good job) isn’t easy. Try attending night mba classes after work and find time to drink with your boss to suck up to him.

These are life options that you don’t have to convince them and they don’t have to convince you either.
 
Last edited:

S.M.

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So what?

MOVE. What country are you moving to? Where are you in that process?

Why are you so focused on them being somehow "lesser"? You decision has nothing to do with "them".

You didn't answer my original question. What are you doing TODAY to move your forward towards your goals?

If you don't have answers to that question, then all this "debate" about "what kind of friends should I have" is just action faking.

Their scripting is not your problem. Their scripting isn't holding you back.

You are holding you back. Get to work.
I'm currently preparing the legal documents to set up an online marketing company, but I'm thinking of moving out. In fact, I've done some research online to get information.
What I want to understand is whether to continue to maintain relations with them or not, given the differences in views.
 
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S.M.

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These are not ambitious goals when you compare to like entrepreneurship journals and hustling that is glorified in the start-up space.

But I feel that there is an underestimation of the effort and determination to stay afloat to get a normal life these days.

A standard family of a working couple, two young children, normal paycheck these days with apartment and car loans usually means endless hustling with not enough time to sleep.

Life by nature is hard. Entrepreneurship just add in more sacrifices and difficulty.

The slowlane script (get good grade and find good job) isn’t easy. Try attending night mba classes after work and find time to drink with your boss to suck up to him.

These are life options that you don’t have to convince them and they don’t have to convince you either.
Clearly I know that a normal life has its difficulties as well as a Fastlane life has more. However, the reward in the second case will be greater, and I sincerely do not want to settle for a normal life.
 

thechosen1

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Influence them, don't let them influence you. Be the positive cancer that infects others instead of vice versa.
 

Kevin88660

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What I want to understand is whether to continue to maintain relations with them or not, given the differences in views.
Even if fastlane is a religion, which it is not, no religion I know forbids you from making friends who have different faiths.
 
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S.M.

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Even if fastlane is a religion, which it is not, no religion I know forbids you from making friends who have different faiths.
I appreciate your opinion and actually I think it's right, but I have the feeling that moving on my own way I could meet better people with more similar interests, as well as make a personal growth.
 

thechosen1

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I appreciate your opinion and actually I think it's right, but I have the feeling that moving on my own way I could meet better people with more similar interests, as well as make a personal growth.
You can go meet new people without totally shutting out the "old" people.
 

S.M.

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You can go meet new people without totally shutting out the "old" people.
It was a possibility I had considered but I wouldn't be so sure nor motivated to keep in touch. Between the two groups, surely the "new" ones would be the ones to get more out of.
 
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BizyDad

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I don't know why we're talking about this anymore. The guy just wants to hear "You're right" so he doesn't have to feel negative emotions from doing what he thinks he should do but isn't sure he wants to do.

the ones to get more out of

Taker mentality. Purely self centered.

Obviously doesn't have much to give in a relationship. Only cares about getting more from "better" people.
 

MJ DeMarco

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How do you feel when you are with them? Do you have fun? Are you Inspired? Happy? Thankful? Morose? Depressed?

Do they support you? Do you support them?

There's no reason why you can't be friends with Slowlane or Sidewalkers, the answer depends on your relationship interactions. If they depress you and subject you to awful situations, then by all means, kiss 'em goodbye.
 

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