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-Caution- My wife's doing MLM

Discussion in 'Ideas, Needs, Concept Feedback' started by Royce2, Jan 10, 2019.

  1. ManlyMansNegator
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    ManlyMansNegator Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Let us assume , hypothetically, your wife is doing drugs.Would you take a similiar approach of "letting" her move away from it or would you warn her of its negative impacts and push for rehabilitation.

    Although that is an extreme my best friends brother in law was in the same position as OP.Letting people do as they wish without warning them is very harmful.

    Infact if you love someone you would warn them of the negative effects , not "inspire her..".

    MLM just burns money ,especially this late in the game.The problem with "Scams" like these is the use of emotional manipulation .They are often set in nice rooms with well dressed people.The warm homey atmosphere causes people to be easily influenced and to fall into the scheme.

    OP should at least tell her of the negative effects, this plants a seed of doubt in their heads.My girlfriend exposed MLM for me early on and if it wasnt for her i would've wasted a long time on the venture.


    Weird way of looking at things.Relationships should help with the transference of knowledge.Warning each other of fruitless ventures would be a net beneficial.

    If you are simply a yes man who doesn't set boundaries or offer criticism , then you don't love your partner.
     
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  2. Isaac Oh
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    Isaac Oh Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Good point! I do agree with what you said. But I do think there is a gray area that OP is dealing with.

    He should be looking out for her well being. At the same time, he should be careful when he engages that discussion for the sake of your relationship.

    Totally agree with you
     
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  3. Royce2
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    Royce2 Bronze Contributor I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Fully agree on that.

    She's not the type to get brainwashed. MLM can't fully achieve that with people who don't care so much about money and don't buy into fairy tales. I've stated why she's doing it loud and clear. She's not buying the dream, she's using the services to her own advantage. It's a very generic stereotype that you refer to when you find them unbearable. Some of those people actually are very nice people and seem to be living off of it just fine. Thanks for the feedback though.
     
  4. Royce2
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    Royce2 Bronze Contributor I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Warned her before she even started and she fully acknowledges my boundaries that I set beforehand.
    You can warn them of the negative effects of a MLM AND inspire them at the same time. What are you talking about?
    Fully agree on that.
     
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  5. Royce2
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    Royce2 Bronze Contributor I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Perfect understanding Mr Isaac.
    Yes it's a gray area but we BOTH came to terms and agreements BEFORE she started this thing.
     
  6. CareCPA
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    CareCPA Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I don't think you understand. Two people in a marriage are equals. There is no setting boundaries. You discuss as a team, and work towards mutual goals, but you don't set boundaries on them. Each has sovereign ability to make their own decisions. Yes, you should consult with your significant other on major decisions, but you don't get to dictate those decisions, or the boundaries of those decisions, unilaterally.

    There is a difference between offering criticism and discussing the benefits and negatives of some decisions. Some of the comments in this thread make it sound like men need to keep their wives from making any bad decisions, like they need to be their protector from the big bad world. That's not how a relationship works.
     
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  7. minivanman
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    minivanman Gold Contributor Speedway Pass

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    You can twist what I say any way you want, it doesn't change what it means. I'm not one of those you can lead off a cliff.
     
  8. Richard Espinosa
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    Richard Espinosa Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    It really irks me when I see men on here saying things like,

    "That's NOT how a marriage/relationship works"
    "Two people in a marriage are ALWAYS equals"
    "There's NO setting boundaries whatsoever"
    "There's NO other relationship style that works except for the way MINE works"

    Hate to break it to you, but this is a big world. There's plenty of THRIVING and happy relationships out there based on principles you would completely disagree with. What makes you the expert? Have you done years of studying on relationships across the globe to determine that there's only one way it works, and that's your way??

    There's so many different cultures and mindsets out there. Say that's not how it works in YOUR relationship and move on. You don't speak for the rest of us and all of the world.
     
  9. Gepi
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    Gepi In it to win it Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER

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    Ha, as a woman this is an interesting read, really. Thanks for your thoughts on this.
     
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  10. CareCPA
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    CareCPA Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I'm sorry I offended you. I didn't realize women were still considered property in your culture.
     
  11. Richard Espinosa
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    Richard Espinosa Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    Never said anything like that. Nice assumption that any deviation from your mindset has to mean that though.

    Your elitist mindset thinking that your perspective is the end all, be all is what's the problem.

    Like I said, plenty of people out there living happily who don't think and do exactly like you do relationship-wise.


    Do your thing, but don't think that everybody must conform to what you do or they're wrong.
     
  12. LuckyPup
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    LuckyPup Done Dicking Around Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    What is an "actual health consultant?"
     
  13. CareCPA
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    CareCPA Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I've never been elitist before - do I get a badge? Or like, a red blazer or something?

    Let me try to elaborate now that I'm at my computer. If you don't want to read it, or if you read it and don't agree, that's fine (see how that works, when you're free to make your own choices?). I'll leave this thread to its own, as I've said my piece. I'll read opposing viewpoints, but I will choose not to argue - if we don't see eye-to-eye, that's no skin off my back.

    If OP had come in here and said this: "I mean I personally allow [my brother/best friend/father/literally anyone else} to do this thing just because he/she's getting basically free sales coaching from a mentor and a 15% commission off of any product he/she sells." - would that be different? Wouldn't you assume that OP has no control over what their brother/father/friend does?

    If my brother came to me and said "I'm going to sell Amway" and I said "I'll let you do that for two weeks, but if you don't make your money back, you have to stop" - that would be ridiculous, right? Why would I think I have any control over what my brother does? I could say things like "99% of people make zero or negative money doing that" or "I think that's not the best idea and here's why...." - but to tell him he can't do it or that there are boundaries if he does is ridiculous.

    Same with a friend, or a cousin, or a neighbor. If they want to sell Cutco knives, there's literally nothing I can do to stop them.

    So why does this suddenly become ok when it's a spouse or significant other? Why do we feel we have control over what they do or don't do?

    It's not even about relationships, it's about how we treat other people.
     
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  14. LuckyPup
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    LuckyPup Done Dicking Around Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Or two. :clench:
     
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  15. Richard Espinosa
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    Richard Espinosa Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    Your wife is not your brother. Your wife is not your father. Your wife is not your neighbor. Your wife isn't really even your "friend". Otherwise you could just call yourself roommates who happen to have sex.

    There's so much more psychological and socioligical principles to a relationship than that.

    We can just agree to disagree, man. I see where you're coming from but it's just oversimplification in my eyes.
     
  16. Gepi
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    Gepi In it to win it Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER

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    Just to maybe put things into perspective from the other side: if my husband had allowed me to do everything I ever wanted to try out, I wouldn't be as successful as I am now, and we probably wouldn't be together anymore. I am 100% sure of this. I had crazy ideas when I was younger, lacked focus severeley and I am thankful that he insisted on certain things (and I am in no way from a strict or really confined background, if at all my parents were too lenient with my hotheaded mind ;) ). Really, his strategic mind and objective way of seeing things have made me who I am today in great parts, and I am extremely greatful for it. I am more successful (being a self-employed design consultant), happier, more focused and know where I want to be and what my goals are, and he has been one of the main reasons I got this far.
    So of course every partnership is different, every person needs different things, every one has different intelligence, abilities, backgrounds. This is not a suggestion how OP should react to his wife, because I know next to nothing on how well she knows what she's doing and what will happen in the future if she continues. I am merely giving you my perspective. A big help was, and will always be, communication. If you can talk about it, and you both can rationally argue in favor of some things and against others, then you will find common ground, most likely.
    So my take on this would be: ''Men, listen to your wifes, and wifes, listen to your husbands":)
    Best wishes
    Gepi
     
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  17. Richard Espinosa
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    Richard Espinosa Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    Beautiful. Amazingly said. A great husband will take the lead.

    I've seen far too many situations where a man will be far too lax in his relationship. No leadership, no guidance, no boundaries. They will treat the woman as she is just some kind of roommate who happen to be intimate. Ultimately, in what I've seen, the woman will lose all respect for the man and the relationship will crumble if this happens.

    I really ignore what these "modern" men have to say about marriage and relationships. There is a reason there have been roles between the sexes for as far back as the stone ages. I do not mess with nature. I do not mess with evolution. Nothing beats tradition.

    Thank you for sharing, Gepi.
     
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  18. Gepi
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    Gepi In it to win it Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER

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    Thank you for the kind feedback, @Richard Espinosa .
    I can relate to your thoughts.
     
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  19. CareCPA
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    CareCPA Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    It sounds like the type of woman you interact with is different than the type I interact with. I'm not sure if this is cultural, geographic, or something else.

    This, inevitably, explains our difference of opinion.
     
  20. lowtek
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    lowtek Platinum Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass Summit Attendee

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    What a can of worms we have opened here... In the spirit of the thread, I shall provide my own unsolicited opinion.

    There is a hidden assumption in the argument that the spouse is free to do whatever it is that they want to do (within reason, nobody is arguing that we should allow our spouses to shoot up on the streets). The assumption here is that the person in question has the life experience, knowledge, and good judgement to make prudent decisions that could reasonably be expected to lead to neutral or positive outcomes in the future. But ... that's all it is, an assumption.

    Think of it this way: if we were talking about a parent and child, the conversation would be different. We would implicitly assume the child didn't have the framework to make great decisions in this regard, and (probably) consider it our duty to steer them away from joining the MLM.

    When we swap out the child for a spouse, the situation changes because the fundamental assumptions are different, at least for those arguing that the spouse has full sovereignty over their actions.

    IMHO it's not so cut and dry as some would believe. It could very well be the case that the OPs wife has a history of making poor decisions, in which case yes, it would be his duty to put his foot down as a husband and say "no, this is going to be harmful to the family, it is not permitted".

    Or, it could very well be the opposite. It could be the OP who has made a history of poor decisions and needs to be checked by his wife from time to time.

    Or it could be none of these, and both the OP and his wife are fully actualized self aware individuals who are indeed capable of making great decisions and course correcting when new information comes to light.

    I don't know either of them, so I really can't say.

    I can say that the idea that people have free reign to engage in whatever course of action they like, while in a marriage, is not founded on solid principles. At least, in my personal opinion. With free will comes responsibility, and part of that responsibility is to those around you, particularly your spouse.

    In other words, those that have to bail you out of a bad situation should probably have some say in how you get to act. This cuts both ways, for men and women, as men certainly don't have a monopoly on good judgement.
     
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  21. Gepi
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    Gepi In it to win it Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER

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    @lowtek , now it is certainly my turn to say: beautifully phrased. I wanted to add nearly the exact same thought, but you just went and summed it up perfectly.
     
    lowtek likes this.

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