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Beware! Growth-Killing Identity Labels...

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MJ DeMarco

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MJ DeMarco

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ZF Lee

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Thought this was a good video which demonstrated FIXED v GROWTH mindset...

IOW, giving adulation to mediocrity VS giving tough love.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taS98UbC_EU
Andrew Neyman: But is there a line? You know, maybe you go too far and discourage the next Charlie Parker from ever becoming Charlie Parker?

Terence Fletcher (the coach): No, man, no. Because the next Charlie Parker would never be discouraged.

The last line of the coach got me.
 

Virgman

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May 5, 2019
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I've been trying to mentor a young man in the last year (lets call him "G"), and in doing so, it has provided me with a keen insight into just how "f*cked up* our media, educational, and entertainment complex has brainwashed our youth into accepting mediocrity as state of normalcy.

G is struggling with an identity. He's a first year college student and has no clue what he wants to do with his life. That's not unusual. We've all been there.

However whenever he mentions things of interest (but isn't necessarily good at) he falls back to an "identity label" as an excuse not to pursue it.

I'm not good at that.
I'm not a good writer.
I'm not a good athlete.
I can't draw.
I can't speak well.
I'm an introvert... (more on this below)
I this..
I that...

Just like he's been trained by Hollywood and their X-men, he is sitting around WAITING for some type of heroic talent to FIND HIM. My guess is he expects to pick up a guitar for the first time in his life, and bam, in 24 hours he's Eddie Van Halen.

Again, we're at EVENT vs PROCESS -- he's looking for an EVENT to provide him with an identity where identity is threaded in a PROCESS. Doing the hard work. Practicing. Learning and failing. Daily rigors and trials. For him, he does NOT want to see this. He only sees the podium and the award.

For much of the world, TALENT has to come from our effort, not from our birthright.

Much of this all comes down to identity labels.

An identity label is a short, succinct description of yourself that is regarded as a permanent state of being, a characteristic that is both inflexible and immune from alteration.

Identity labels are symptomatic to a fixed-mindset.

And identity labels are the primary excuse we see here which prevents GROWTH and ACTION.

  • I don't know how to code...
  • I don't know how to [blank]...
  • I know nothing about manufacturing or prototyping...
  • My degree is in X so therefore, I'm not trained in Y...
Here's an example personal to me.

I'm an introvert. <-- Yes, that's MJ's Identity Label.

And while introversion is more fact than fiction (kind of like being left-handed versus right handed) it DOES NOT define me. A fixed mindset type who is aware of his introversion would avoid ALL interviews and even more, avoid all public speaking. I'm not good at that. I'm an introvert.

But I don't.

Instead I strap on my big-boy pants and understand that I have to WORK HARDER in this area to overcome this state. And after years of practice, I'm happy to say I'm better at it.

And the whole idea of interviews/public speaking is NOT so fearful.

In fact, I can go as far to say that I could do public speaking for a living. That's right. I can speak to a group for a living despite my introversion. How about that for a good 'ole FU!

That's the power of practice. The power of a growth mindset. And the power of catching yourself in an identity label and using it to gird your expectations for discomfort over comfort.

So I leave this with a question for you ...

What identity label are you using RIGHT NOW that could be impeding your growth?


For how this pertains to the NEW STAR WARS film, read this post:

Beware! Growth-Killing Identity Labels...

rey-main_73d146de.jpeg

For more on identity, visit here:

*UNSCRIPTED* - Identity Hacking: How to Kill Your Status Quo
How do we go about getting help with mentoring and guidance for our business. I keep trying to make contacts but it seems like it's all about someone wanting thousands of dollars to do something for my business that may or may not work. I get so frustrated with not being able to move forward in business/ in life.
 

million$$$smile

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How do I go about getting a mentor or meeting successful business people. I tried calling several entrepreneurs here in Las Vegas but no return call.

Well, I wasn't even going to waste my time replying, but then I thought, ok, maybe this could be used by others' reading this.

You are going about this bass-ackwards.
Look at the way you are going about this. Even on this Forum. You haven't really even introduced yourself yet, and yet you expect others to give you answers or to point you in some direction. That is akin to someone running up to you on the street and asking you to borrow your car. You don't know anything about them, or what type of person they are. Would you do it? What if they wanted you to take your time and drive them across town? Would you take your time to do that, if you didn't know them?

No one is calling you back because:
  • They don't know you
  • They don't know what you've done-or not done
  • You haven't shown them any Value proposition
  • Perhaps you are not being creative enough.
You really need to figure out how to create some value to bring to the table. You don't mention any accomplishments or failures in trying. You don't even mention what business or thing you are needing help with.
If every one is asking for thousands of dollars for the knowledge or mentorship that you want, would you be willing to work for free for them to acquire those thousands of dollars in knowledge and mentorship in trade? What are YOU willing to give in return for what you want???

Bottom line. Ask yourself what are you willing to GIVE to them before you ask to RECEIVE from them.

Have you even read the book?

Introduce yourself. Tell us your why. Maybe share a bit of value for others here on the forum.
Get rid of some of your frustration by helping someone else first.

If you are creating Value, you won't need to call them; they'll call you.
 
Last edited:

MJ DeMarco

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How do we go about getting help with mentoring and guidance for our business. I keep trying to make contacts but it seems like it's all about someone wanting thousands of dollars to do something for my business that may or may not work.

Doesn't sound like you're looking for guidance, but for someone to hold your hand and do the work for you.

No one works for free. Even mentors expect some level of reciprocation.
 
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B. Cole

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Great thread, even though a few years old.

Excuses come from people who AREN’T going to do something. Say the words can’t, don’t or not, and you’re probably right.

Rep+ when the forum updates and I can rep+ again.
 

Virgman

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May 5, 2019
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Well, I wasn't even going to waste my time replying, but then I thought, ok, maybe this could be used by others' reading this.

You are going about this bass-ackwards.
Look at the way you are going about this. Even on this Forum. You haven't really even introduced yourself yet, and yet you expect others to give you answers or to point you in some direction. That is akin to someone running up to you on the street and asking you to borrow your car. You don't know anything about them, or what type of person they are. Would you do it? What if they wanted you to take your time and drive them across town? Would you take your time to do that, if you didn't know them?

No one is calling you back because:
  • They don't know you
  • They don't know what you've done-or not done
  • You haven't shown them any Value proposition
  • Perhaps you are not being creative enough.
You really need to figure out how to create some value to bring to the table. You don't mention any accomplishments or failures in trying. You don't even mention what business or thing you are needing help with.
If every one is asking for thousands of dollars for the knowledge or mentorship that you want, would you be willing to work for free for them to acquire those thousands of dollars in knowledge and mentorship in trade? What are YOU willing to give in return for what you want???

Bottom line. Ask yourself what are you willing to GIVE to them before you ask to RECEIVE from them.

Have you even read the book?

Introduce yourself. Tell us your why. Maybe share a bit of value for others here on the forum.
Get rid of some of your frustration by helping someone else first.

If you are creating Value, you won't need to call them; they'll call you.

Your right and I need to be reminded that it's me that needs to do the most work if I want to get some help and make this business move forward.

I'm half way through Millionaire fastlane and I will come back and post my introduction after I'm done completely.

thank you for the much needed and appreciated comment
 

astr0

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I honestly don't see a problem with identity labels. The true issue is the fixed mindset itself.

I'm a programmer. I also can do marketing, ugly design, electronics repair, electrician service, car maintenance, etc. and can learn to do other things if I have to.

I'm not good at that. I'll take a course and get my hands dirty fast to get better.
I'm not a good writer. I can try to write science books, get better and maybe get to other styles someday.
I'm not a good athlete. I can train more and get better.
I can't draw. I can.
I can't speak well. To unknown people face-to-face and in public without using some hacks like persuading myself that I know them for a long time.

An identity label is a short, succinct description of yourself that is regarded as a permanent state of being, a characteristic that is both inflexible and immune from alteration.

Identity labels are symptomatic to a fixed-mindset.

And identity labels are the primary excuse we see here which prevents GROWTH and ACTION.
I'm a programmer. I'm a father. I'm an introvert.
That's permanent unless something really bad happens.

But what this has to do with a fixed mindset?
I know I can learn a new skill and get pretty good at it relatively quickly.
However, I also know that I can't get better in it than in programming (relatively) unless I'll be actively using it for more than 10 years.
So I still remain a programmer, just with a new skill.

Identity labels are fine as long as they aren't used as an excuse which is really a symptom of fixed-mindset.

P. S. I do try to leverage my skills first and avoid learning something new if I can. But that's more because of efficiency. Delegating something is a lot more efficient than learning it, especially if it's not the main skill and needed not that often.
 
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guy93777

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2 of the most sucessful guys in marketing are introvert thinkers : Jeff Walker and Eben Pagan

they had to succeed . they were both unemployed with no future. they had to win or perish

they were forced to win ,so to speak, whether they wanted or not to be on stage.

they didn't have the luxury to say " that's not me , i am not a public speaker "



Jeff Walker created an new way to look at marketing : product launch formula

25077




this is the work of a bright strategic mind:



25076
 

Kevin88660

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I've been trying to mentor a young man in the last year (lets call him "G"), and in doing so, it has provided me with a keen insight into just how "f*cked up* our media, educational, and entertainment complex has brainwashed our youth into accepting mediocrity as state of normalcy.

G is struggling with an identity. He's a first year college student and has no clue what he wants to do with his life. That's not unusual. We've all been there.

However whenever he mentions things of interest (but isn't necessarily good at) he falls back to an "identity label" as an excuse not to pursue it.

I'm not good at that.
I'm not a good writer.
I'm not a good athlete.
I can't draw.
I can't speak well.
I'm an introvert... (more on this below)
I this..
I that...

Just like he's been trained by Hollywood and their X-men, he is sitting around WAITING for some type of heroic talent to FIND HIM. My guess is he expects to pick up a guitar for the first time in his life, and bam, in 24 hours he's Eddie Van Halen.

Again, we're at EVENT vs PROCESS -- he's looking for an EVENT to provide him with an identity where identity is threaded in a PROCESS. Doing the hard work. Practicing. Learning and failing. Daily rigors and trials. For him, he does NOT want to see this. He only sees the podium and the award.

For much of the world, TALENT has to come from our effort, not from our birthright.

Much of this all comes down to identity labels.

An identity label is a short, succinct description of yourself that is regarded as a permanent state of being, a characteristic that is both inflexible and immune from alteration.

Identity labels are symptomatic to a fixed-mindset.

And identity labels are the primary excuse we see here which prevents GROWTH and ACTION.

  • I don't know how to code...
  • I don't know how to [blank]...
  • I know nothing about manufacturing or prototyping...
  • My degree is in X so therefore, I'm not trained in Y...
Here's an example personal to me.

I'm an introvert. <-- Yes, that's MJ's Identity Label.

And while introversion is more fact than fiction (kind of like being left-handed versus right handed) it DOES NOT define me. A fixed mindset type who is aware of his introversion would avoid ALL interviews and even more, avoid all public speaking. I'm not good at that. I'm an introvert.

But I don't.

Instead I strap on my big-boy pants and understand that I have to WORK HARDER in this area to overcome this state. And after years of practice, I'm happy to say I'm better at it.

And the whole idea of interviews/public speaking is NOT so fearful.

In fact, I can go as far to say that I could do public speaking for a living. That's right. I can speak to a group for a living despite my introversion. How about that for a good 'ole FU!

That's the power of practice. The power of a growth mindset. And the power of catching yourself in an identity label and using it to gird your expectations for discomfort over comfort.

So I leave this with a question for you ...

What identity label are you using RIGHT NOW that could be impeding your growth?


For how this pertains to the NEW STAR WARS film, read this post:

Beware! Growth-Killing Identity Labels...

rey-main_73d146de.jpeg

For more on identity, visit here:

*UNSCRIPTED* - Identity Hacking: How to Kill Your Status Quo
It’s something uniquely entrenched in Modern western education. Look at the video below. In Finland if you have a student who is weak in Math the teacher will give him or her easier questions to do. In Hong Kong it is more practice questions.

It is not to say that no natural talent exists. Weakness is seen as a problem that needs more medication (deliberate practice).

View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tXihBgHJelY
 

rynor

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I catch myself taking on these self-assigned identity labels every so often. Just yesterday I was on the phone with my accountant he was explaining tax strategy to me. Some of the terminology and concepts he was explaining flew right over my head. In my mind, I found myself defaulting "I don't have to understand this, this guy went to school for accounting". To combat it, I spent the next hour or so researching what he was explaining so I could understand it for myself.

Also, I'm very guilty of pulling out the "I'm an introvert" card to avoid going into social situations, but I'm slowly getting better at this. Thoughts like these do indeed hinder growth.
 
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Mattie

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It might not come to us as naturally but we can do it if we put our minds into it.
I would have to say it comes naturally to me. I just listened to a bunch of Ex. tell me you need to be do something else over here, instead of what is the whole key to success. I had to stop listening to the detour to go over and do XYZ.
 

reedracer

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The way I work through my labels is to assume a role or persona. e.g. Reed has trouble interacting with strangers (I know not another INTJ, lol). But, Security Guard Reed, Host Reed, or Greeter/Usher Reed can get the job done.
Kind of a fake it 'til you make it scenario.
As for public speaking, the first time I got up to do a prepared speech in the 9th grade I I stammered and gibbered for four minutes and could only see a white blur I was so terrified. Six years later I was teaching fellow Navy techs about the various computers and their peripherals they would encounter in the Fleet.
I did pretty good, too, with only one of hundreds unable to complete one of my classes despite being an unkempt (by Navy standards) left-handed accident-prone guy with some serious ADHD.
I did it by becoming 'Teacher' with a desire to impart information that would help these people succeed at their jobs.

P.S. Public Speaking is a skill that needs constant exercise as I learned nearly 20 years later when I went blind and stammered my way through a 60 minute presentation at a major Microsoft conference in a 1200 seat Mandalay Bay ballroom. I now am a member of Toastmasters which for ~$10 a month is a bargain to keep me in the speaker groove.
 
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Leo Hendrix

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Great reminder.

Constant growth and improvement as well as flow is probably a huge competitive advantage successful people use to maintain their edge.

Then again success could be fishing all day and eating what you caught and chilling after so then it might come back to what your goals and vision is. Since we are all entrepreneurs here - I guess perpetual growth is the aim.

Growth, renewal, rest, re-strategise and grow again.

Growth within some sort of boundaries to ensure that this growth is sustainable, growth at all costs does not seem like a wise long-term strategy. Either way, there are always trade-offs when making decisions and allocating scarce resources.

I think we should also be mindful of the activities we are engaging in for growth - we might grow in the "wrong" direction and subsequently have lost time and resources, either way I guess you always learn. The thing is there is a cost/price to learning. So be wise.
 

Teddy L Wang

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I've been trying to mentor a young man in the last year (lets call him "G"), and in doing so, it has provided me with a keen insight into just how "f*cked up* our media, educational, and entertainment complex has brainwashed our youth into accepting mediocrity as state of normalcy.

G is struggling with an identity. He's a first year college student and has no clue what he wants to do with his life. That's not unusual. We've all been there.

However whenever he mentions things of interest (but isn't necessarily good at) he falls back to an "identity label" as an excuse not to pursue it.

I'm not good at that.
I'm not a good writer.
I'm not a good athlete.
I can't draw.
I can't speak well.
I'm an introvert... (more on this below)
I this..
I that...

Just like he's been trained by Hollywood and their X-men, he is sitting around WAITING for some type of heroic talent to FIND HIM. My guess is he expects to pick up a guitar for the first time in his life, and bam, in 24 hours he's Eddie Van Halen.

Again, we're at EVENT vs PROCESS -- he's looking for an EVENT to provide him with an identity where identity is threaded in a PROCESS. Doing the hard work. Practicing. Learning and failing. Daily rigors and trials. For him, he does NOT want to see this. He only sees the podium and the award.

For much of the world, TALENT has to come from our effort, not from our birthright.

Much of this all comes down to identity labels.

An identity label is a short, succinct description of yourself that is regarded as a permanent state of being, a characteristic that is both inflexible and immune from alteration.


Identity labels are symptomatic to a fixed-mindset.

And identity labels are the primary excuse we see here which prevents GROWTH and ACTION.

  • I don't know how to code...
  • I don't know how to [blank]...
  • I know nothing about manufacturing or prototyping...
  • My degree is in X so therefore, I'm not trained in Y...
Here's an example personal to me.

I'm an introvert. <-- Yes, that's MJ's Identity Label.

And while introversion is more fact than fiction (kind of like being left-handed versus right handed) it DOES NOT define me. A fixed mindset type who is aware of his introversion would avoid ALL interviews and even more, avoid all public speaking. I'm not good at that. I'm an introvert.

But I don't.

Instead I strap on my big-boy pants and understand that I have to WORK HARDER in this area to overcome this state. And after years of practice, I'm happy to say I'm better at it.

And the whole idea of interviews/public speaking is NOT so fearful.

In fact, I can go as far to say that I could do public speaking for a living. That's right. I can speak to a group for a living despite my introversion. How about that for a good 'ole FU!

That's the power of practice. The power of a growth mindset. And the power of catching yourself in an identity label and using it to gird your expectations for discomfort over comfort.

So I leave this with a question for you ...

What identity label are you using RIGHT NOW that could be impeding your growth?

For how this pertains to the NEW STAR WARS film, read this post:

rey-main_73d146de.jpeg

For more on identity, visit here:

*UNSCRIPTED* - Identity Hacking: How to Kill Your Status Quo
you say that you have to do things you hate in order to live the life you dream of. you say that passion must trigger you to persist through these hated actions. you say that an end vision, or a purpose, must keep you going, along with passion- through the difficulties and hardships you experience on your way to 'success'. you say that in order to grow and improve, you must face challenges. you said you hate doing public speaking gigs and podcasts but have to in order to get your fastlane message across.

how much percentage of our behaviors are we supposed to hate on our way to our dreams? are we supposed to enjoy the pain? some say we have to experience the pain as a game in order for that which we suffer through to be suited for us. did michael jordan suffer as he trained? or did he suffer in ecstasy? did he love the game after positive feedback loops? or did he love the game because he loved the act of playing basketball? or both? or did jordan love the game because he had a vision of where he wanted to be in his career, and every positive feedback loop reinforced his one step being closer to that destination? or did peoples' praise drug him with that addictive high you talked about in your book?

is that how you felt when you were engaged in your first businesses?
 

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