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NOTABLE! Beware! Growth-Killing Identity Labels...

Invictus

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The latest Star Wars film is a perfect example in how Hollywood brainwashes our kids into thinking they are BORN with talent, and that someday, that talent will FIND them, or wash over them like a morning rain.

She picks up a light-saber and thinks deeply for a few minutes and BAM, she's instantly a Jedi-force to be reckoned with. In fact, she's so adept and skilled that she can kill off a bunch of Red Prateorian guards as if she was training for decades! Are the red-guards slackers who are just there for decoration? Or are they the best of the best in the Empire? Doesn't matter when you are BORN with talent!

Rey had to endure...

  • No long training regimen consisting of days, nights, and little sleep...
  • No huge failures that throws her onto the brink of suicide...
  • No harrowing retreats into the wilderness to fight off the wild beasts to character build...

Nope, just wake up and BAM, you have skills.




Bottomline, Hollywood is subliminally teaching our kids a FIXED mindset.

It's teaching our kids that talent is INBRED, GENETIC, and BORN -- not EARNED.
It's teaching our kids the EVENT (OMG, look at this talent I found!) over PROCESS ... (I have to work my azz off to get good!)

It's truly sad because kids believe this crap, and hence, my experience I posted in my first post of this thread.
The other day, to clear my head, I wrote a short essay/article/post in my notebook about the lack of heroes who are willing to sweat and bleed. This reminded me of it. I might type it up and post it later, might add a bit of value to the discussion.



Also. I was hoping for a few scenes of Rey jogging up the island's mountains while carrying Luke on her back.
 

MidwestLandlord

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Here's a new multi-purpose crutch I've heard, a great Swiss-army knife for excuses...

"That's not my thing."

As soon as any WORK, PRACTICE, or TASK is required that might involve significant discomfort or sacrifice, just say "That's not my thing."

You want to be a great piano player? You have to practice a lot.
Meh, that's not my thing.

You want to be a bodybuilder? You have eat right and spend a lot of time at the gym.
Meh, that's not my thing.

You want to be veterinarian? You'll have to study a lot of biology and chemistry.
Meh, that's not my thing.

The translation here is clear: If it isn't fun, comfortable, and easy, it's not my thing.
If it were "my thing", I would have been born with the innate talent required to do it.

Why waste my time if I wasn't born to do that?

Besides, once I find "my thing" life will instantly become amazing.

(Sarcasm towards society obviously, in case anyone missed that lol)
 

Rob Tennant

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Nice post MJ.

Something I'm guilty of earlier in life, and still have to actively guard myself against, is to use these id labels as excuses.

It's easier and keeps things much simpler to say I'm not a X, or I'm not good at Y, than to adopt a growth mindset, which opens up another world of possibilities that weren't there before. More growth and possibilities= more work and learning, less time to binge watch game of thrones or whatever. I stopped providing myself with outs and have grown as a result.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

silentownage001

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Apr 7, 2013
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I'm an introvert. <-- Yes, that's MJ's Identity Label.

And while introversion is more fact than fiction (kind of like being left-handed versus right handed) it DOES NOT define me. A fixed mindset type who is aware of his introversion would avoid ALL interviews and even more, avoid all public speaking. I'm not good at that. I'm an introvert.

But I don't.

Instead I strap on my big-boy pants and understand that I have to WORK HARDER in this area to overcome this state. And after years of practice, I'm happy to say I'm better at it.

And the whole idea of interviews/public speaking is NOT so fearful.

In fact, I can go as far to say that I could do public speaking for a living. That's right. I can speak to a group for a living despite my introversion. How about that for a good 'ole FU!

That's the power of practice. The power of a growth mindset. And the power of catching yourself in an identity label and using it to gird your expectations for discomfort over comfort.
I'm also someone who's more introverted. I've had to do a lot of presentations so far in school and I'm less nervous each time.

Example: Way back in high school I was volunteering for an organization and we had to introduce ourselves. I was incredibly nervous and that probably showed. Now this past September I had to introduce myself at a call-out meeting since I'm an officer of the club. There were around 70-80 people there and I only felt a little nervous right when it was my turn. Now there are times when I even look forward to certain presentations. All this has come from practice.
 

masterneme

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I want to say something about the introversion/extroversion dilemma.

Introverted people feel bad for being how they are, why? Modern pop-psychology and societal preassure. These factors have made that the "introverted" label wears bad connotations. When people think about introverts other words like weirdo, socially inept, awkward, loner, shy and so on come to mind. But this is all a lie.

Introversion means that your attention is more focused inwards, you take more in consideration what you think about something than what the rest of people do and that when you're tired you prefer to be left alone to recharge energy.

Extroverted people are the opposite, their attention are more outwards focused, they take more in consideration what other people think to make decissions and to recharge energies they prefer to hang out with other people.

That's it. There's nothing wrong about one or the other but because there're more extroverted people than introverts, Society and popular beliefs have conditioned the laters to feel inadequate.

It's all about confidence. Being an introvert doesn't make you an instant shy person or socially inept. It's the lack of self-steem, confidence and experience on social situations what makes you act like that.

It's because introverts bought the common false beliefs that they have a hard time when approaching a social situation.

The truth is confident highly skilled introverts are everywhere and they're the ones leading the herd.

Watch old western movies, the hero is a quiet strong male figure. James Bond is an introvert, would you say he's shy, socially inept or awkward? What about the goddamn Batman?

See how different beliefs and perception about yourself can make a huge difference?

So yes it's true, identity labels can f**k you up because if you're not careful you can take something neutral as being intro/extroverted and create a whole BS story in your mind about what you can accomplish or not.

As an example I'll give you my own personal experience.

I was born a highly introverted person. So introverted that when the doctor gave me the slap at birth I didn't even react, they thought I was dead until they examined my vital signs closer. And it was because of this innate ability to don't give a f**k that I grew up being a very happy and charismatic child.

All this changed when I approached adolescence and because I was a very quiet guy I started receiving influence and labeling from friends and relatives and I let those definitions change me.

But some years after that I decided that all that was BS and that I wasn't going to let other people opinions affect my reality so I changed my story again.

If being introverted is objectively being shy and awkward this feat could not have been possible to make happen, EVER.

Ultimately is a matter of asking yourself how bad do you really want what you want, if not you'll just make some excuses up and avoid the process which in return will give ZERO events.

Are you XXX or YYY? SO WHAT, back to work, make it happen!
 

MJ DeMarco

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Bump.
 

MJ DeMarco

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ZF Lee

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Thought this was a good video which demonstrated FIXED v GROWTH mindset...

IOW, giving adulation to mediocrity VS giving tough love.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taS98UbC_EU
Andrew Neyman: But is there a line? You know, maybe you go too far and discourage the next Charlie Parker from ever becoming Charlie Parker?

Terence Fletcher (the coach): No, man, no. Because the next Charlie Parker would never be discouraged.

The last line of the coach got me.
 

Virgman

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May 5, 2019
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I've been trying to mentor a young man in the last year (lets call him "G"), and in doing so, it has provided me with a keen insight into just how "f*cked up* our media, educational, and entertainment complex has brainwashed our youth into accepting mediocrity as state of normalcy.

G is struggling with an identity. He's a first year college student and has no clue what he wants to do with his life. That's not unusual. We've all been there.

However whenever he mentions things of interest (but isn't necessarily good at) he falls back to an "identity label" as an excuse not to pursue it.

I'm not good at that.
I'm not a good writer.
I'm not a good athlete.
I can't draw.
I can't speak well.
I'm an introvert... (more on this below)
I this..
I that...

Just like he's been trained by Hollywood and their X-men, he is sitting around WAITING for some type of heroic talent to FIND HIM. My guess is he expects to pick up a guitar for the first time in his life, and bam, in 24 hours he's Eddie Van Halen.

Again, we're at EVENT vs PROCESS -- he's looking for an EVENT to provide him with an identity where identity is threaded in a PROCESS. Doing the hard work. Practicing. Learning and failing. Daily rigors and trials. For him, he does NOT want to see this. He only sees the podium and the award.

For much of the world, TALENT has to come from our effort, not from our birthright.

Much of this all comes down to identity labels.

An identity label is a short, succinct description of yourself that is regarded as a permanent state of being, a characteristic that is both inflexible and immune from alteration.

Identity labels are symptomatic to a fixed-mindset.

And identity labels are the primary excuse we see here which prevents GROWTH and ACTION.

  • I don't know how to code...
  • I don't know how to [blank]...
  • I know nothing about manufacturing or prototyping...
  • My degree is in X so therefore, I'm not trained in Y...
Here's an example personal to me.

I'm an introvert. <-- Yes, that's MJ's Identity Label.

And while introversion is more fact than fiction (kind of like being left-handed versus right handed) it DOES NOT define me. A fixed mindset type who is aware of his introversion would avoid ALL interviews and even more, avoid all public speaking. I'm not good at that. I'm an introvert.

But I don't.

Instead I strap on my big-boy pants and understand that I have to WORK HARDER in this area to overcome this state. And after years of practice, I'm happy to say I'm better at it.

And the whole idea of interviews/public speaking is NOT so fearful.

In fact, I can go as far to say that I could do public speaking for a living. That's right. I can speak to a group for a living despite my introversion. How about that for a good 'ole FU!

That's the power of practice. The power of a growth mindset. And the power of catching yourself in an identity label and using it to gird your expectations for discomfort over comfort.

So I leave this with a question for you ...

What identity label are you using RIGHT NOW that could be impeding your growth?


For how this pertains to the NEW STAR WARS film, read this post:

Beware! Growth-Killing Identity Labels...


For more on identity, visit here:

*UNSCRIPTED* - Identity Hacking: How to Kill Your Status Quo
How do we go about getting help with mentoring and guidance for our business. I keep trying to make contacts but it seems like it's all about someone wanting thousands of dollars to do something for my business that may or may not work. I get so frustrated with not being able to move forward in business/ in life.
 

million$$$smile

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How do I go about getting a mentor or meeting successful business people. I tried calling several entrepreneurs here in Las Vegas but no return call.
Well, I wasn't even going to waste my time replying, but then I thought, ok, maybe this could be used by others' reading this.

You are going about this bass-ackwards.
Look at the way you are going about this. Even on this Forum. You haven't really even introduced yourself yet, and yet you expect others to give you answers or to point you in some direction. That is akin to someone running up to you on the street and asking you to borrow your car. You don't know anything about them, or what type of person they are. Would you do it? What if they wanted you to take your time and drive them across town? Would you take your time to do that, if you didn't know them?

No one is calling you back because:
  • They don't know you
  • They don't know what you've done-or not done
  • You haven't shown them any Value proposition
  • Perhaps you are not being creative enough.
You really need to figure out how to create some value to bring to the table. You don't mention any accomplishments or failures in trying. You don't even mention what business or thing you are needing help with.
If every one is asking for thousands of dollars for the knowledge or mentorship that you want, would you be willing to work for free for them to acquire those thousands of dollars in knowledge and mentorship in trade? What are YOU willing to give in return for what you want???

Bottom line. Ask yourself what are you willing to GIVE to them before you ask to RECEIVE from them.

Have you even read the book?

Introduce yourself. Tell us your why. Maybe share a bit of value for others here on the forum.
Get rid of some of your frustration by helping someone else first.

If you are creating Value, you won't need to call them; they'll call you.
 
Last edited:

MJ DeMarco

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How do we go about getting help with mentoring and guidance for our business. I keep trying to make contacts but it seems like it's all about someone wanting thousands of dollars to do something for my business that may or may not work.
Doesn't sound like you're looking for guidance, but for someone to hold your hand and do the work for you.

No one works for free. Even mentors expect some level of reciprocation.
 

B. Cole

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Great thread, even though a few years old.

Excuses come from people who AREN’T going to do something. Say the words can’t, don’t or not, and you’re probably right.

Rep+ when the forum updates and I can rep+ again.
 

Virgman

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May 5, 2019
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Well, I wasn't even going to waste my time replying, but then I thought, ok, maybe this could be used by others' reading this.

You are going about this bass-ackwards.
Look at the way you are going about this. Even on this Forum. You haven't really even introduced yourself yet, and yet you expect others to give you answers or to point you in some direction. That is akin to someone running up to you on the street and asking you to borrow your car. You don't know anything about them, or what type of person they are. Would you do it? What if they wanted you to take your time and drive them across town? Would you take your time to do that, if you didn't know them?

No one is calling you back because:
  • They don't know you
  • They don't know what you've done-or not done
  • You haven't shown them any Value proposition
  • Perhaps you are not being creative enough.
You really need to figure out how to create some value to bring to the table. You don't mention any accomplishments or failures in trying. You don't even mention what business or thing you are needing help with.
If every one is asking for thousands of dollars for the knowledge or mentorship that you want, would you be willing to work for free for them to acquire those thousands of dollars in knowledge and mentorship in trade? What are YOU willing to give in return for what you want???

Bottom line. Ask yourself what are you willing to GIVE to them before you ask to RECEIVE from them.

Have you even read the book?

Introduce yourself. Tell us your why. Maybe share a bit of value for others here on the forum.
Get rid of some of your frustration by helping someone else first.

If you are creating Value, you won't need to call them; they'll call you.
Your right and I need to be reminded that it's me that needs to do the most work if I want to get some help and make this business move forward.

I'm half way through Millionaire fastlane and I will come back and post my introduction after I'm done completely.

thank you for the much needed and appreciated comment
 

astr0

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I honestly don't see a problem with identity labels. The true issue is the fixed mindset itself.

I'm a programmer. I also can do marketing, ugly design, electronics repair, electrician service, car maintenance, etc. and can learn to do other things if I have to.

I'm not good at that. I'll take a course and get my hands dirty fast to get better.
I'm not a good writer. I can try to write science books, get better and maybe get to other styles someday.
I'm not a good athlete. I can train more and get better.
I can't draw. I can.
I can't speak well. To unknown people face-to-face and in public without using some hacks like persuading myself that I know them for a long time.

An identity label is a short, succinct description of yourself that is regarded as a permanent state of being, a characteristic that is both inflexible and immune from alteration.

Identity labels are symptomatic to a fixed-mindset.

And identity labels are the primary excuse we see here which prevents GROWTH and ACTION.
I'm a programmer. I'm a father. I'm an introvert.
That's permanent unless something really bad happens.

But what this has to do with a fixed mindset?
I know I can learn a new skill and get pretty good at it relatively quickly.
However, I also know that I can't get better in it than in programming (relatively) unless I'll be actively using it for more than 10 years.
So I still remain a programmer, just with a new skill.

Identity labels are fine as long as they aren't used as an excuse which is really a symptom of fixed-mindset.

P. S. I do try to leverage my skills first and avoid learning something new if I can. But that's more because of efficiency. Delegating something is a lot more efficient than learning it, especially if it's not the main skill and needed not that often.
 

guy93777

Contributor
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Jun 5, 2019
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2 of the most sucessful guys in marketing are introvert thinkers : Jeff Walker and Eben Pagan

they had to succeed . they were both unemployed with no future. they had to win or perish

they were forced to win ,so to speak, whether they wanted or not to be on stage.

they didn't have the luxury to say " that's not me , i am not a public speaker "



Jeff Walker created an new way to look at marketing : product launch formula

25077




this is the work of a bright strategic mind:



25076
 

Kevin88660

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Feb 8, 2019
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I've been trying to mentor a young man in the last year (lets call him "G"), and in doing so, it has provided me with a keen insight into just how "f*cked up* our media, educational, and entertainment complex has brainwashed our youth into accepting mediocrity as state of normalcy.

G is struggling with an identity. He's a first year college student and has no clue what he wants to do with his life. That's not unusual. We've all been there.

However whenever he mentions things of interest (but isn't necessarily good at) he falls back to an "identity label" as an excuse not to pursue it.

I'm not good at that.
I'm not a good writer.
I'm not a good athlete.
I can't draw.
I can't speak well.
I'm an introvert... (more on this below)
I this..
I that...

Just like he's been trained by Hollywood and their X-men, he is sitting around WAITING for some type of heroic talent to FIND HIM. My guess is he expects to pick up a guitar for the first time in his life, and bam, in 24 hours he's Eddie Van Halen.

Again, we're at EVENT vs PROCESS -- he's looking for an EVENT to provide him with an identity where identity is threaded in a PROCESS. Doing the hard work. Practicing. Learning and failing. Daily rigors and trials. For him, he does NOT want to see this. He only sees the podium and the award.

For much of the world, TALENT has to come from our effort, not from our birthright.

Much of this all comes down to identity labels.

An identity label is a short, succinct description of yourself that is regarded as a permanent state of being, a characteristic that is both inflexible and immune from alteration.

Identity labels are symptomatic to a fixed-mindset.

And identity labels are the primary excuse we see here which prevents GROWTH and ACTION.

  • I don't know how to code...
  • I don't know how to [blank]...
  • I know nothing about manufacturing or prototyping...
  • My degree is in X so therefore, I'm not trained in Y...
Here's an example personal to me.

I'm an introvert. <-- Yes, that's MJ's Identity Label.

And while introversion is more fact than fiction (kind of like being left-handed versus right handed) it DOES NOT define me. A fixed mindset type who is aware of his introversion would avoid ALL interviews and even more, avoid all public speaking. I'm not good at that. I'm an introvert.

But I don't.

Instead I strap on my big-boy pants and understand that I have to WORK HARDER in this area to overcome this state. And after years of practice, I'm happy to say I'm better at it.

And the whole idea of interviews/public speaking is NOT so fearful.

In fact, I can go as far to say that I could do public speaking for a living. That's right. I can speak to a group for a living despite my introversion. How about that for a good 'ole FU!

That's the power of practice. The power of a growth mindset. And the power of catching yourself in an identity label and using it to gird your expectations for discomfort over comfort.

So I leave this with a question for you ...

What identity label are you using RIGHT NOW that could be impeding your growth?


For how this pertains to the NEW STAR WARS film, read this post:

Beware! Growth-Killing Identity Labels...


For more on identity, visit here:

*UNSCRIPTED* - Identity Hacking: How to Kill Your Status Quo
It’s something uniquely entrenched in Modern western education. Look at the video below. In Finland if you have a student who is weak in Math the teacher will give him or her easier questions to do. In Hong Kong it is more practice questions.

It is not to say that no natural talent exists. Weakness is seen as a problem that needs more medication (deliberate practice).

View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tXihBgHJelY
 

rynor

Bronze Contributor
Mar 15, 2019
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Los Angeles, CA
I catch myself taking on these self-assigned identity labels every so often. Just yesterday I was on the phone with my accountant he was explaining tax strategy to me. Some of the terminology and concepts he was explaining flew right over my head. In my mind, I found myself defaulting "I don't have to understand this, this guy went to school for accounting". To combat it, I spent the next hour or so researching what he was explaining so I could understand it for myself.

Also, I'm very guilty of pulling out the "I'm an introvert" card to avoid going into social situations, but I'm slowly getting better at this. Thoughts like these do indeed hinder growth.
 

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