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NOTABLE! Are You Acting In Accordance With Your Values Or Your Fears?

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Black_Dragon43

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If you feel stuck, it may be because you’re letting your fears, instead of your values drive your actions. See, fear is an inescapable aspect of being human. The fear response inside our brain has evolved to steer us away from danger and help us survive.

However, our modern-day environment is no longer the jungle of yestertime. There is no saber-tooth tiger waiting around the corner to tear us to shreds. Instead we have our regular worries… being late to work, getting fired, the boss yelling at us, our kids rebelling, and so on.

But our brain remains the same survival mechanism as before. It treats this modern-day environment like the jungle of yesterday, and the boss screaming at you as the equivalent of the sabertooth tiger getting ready to tear us to shreds. Hence our emotions and feelings do not accurately reflect the reality we’re dealing with.

For us, this means one thing… Fear is no longer an adequate compass to guide us through life.

What Happens When Fear Is Your Compass?

What happens depends on your environment. You see, if you live in the jungle, letting fear be your compass will probably keep you alive.

Darwin’s breakthrough about the “survival of the fittest” is true, except that the category of the “fittest” changes based on the environment. There is no one set of “strongest” characteristics regardless of environment. In other words, the fittest is relative, nature selects based on who survives based in a specific environment.

The nerd at CERN is a king. The nerd in your regular public school is a “loser”.

So if you’re anxious, there’s nothing wrong per say with you. You’re actually the “strongest” if our environment were to turn into a jungle. So there is no need to be ashamed.

However, if you’re letting your anxiety drive you in today’s modern environment, you go from “strongest” to missing out on your potential. And here’s why:

Fear works when punishment and reward are immediate. Like in the jungle. You see the sabertooth tiger, and the punishment of being caught by it, and the reward of escaping are immediate. There will be no delay.

However, in modern society, rewards and punishments are far into the future. You don’t build a billion dollar company, climb the corporate ladder, or become a world-famous doctor in a day. Nor in a month for that matter.

And you don’t get lung cancer in a day… it’s the cigarette of yesterday, and the cigarette of the day before, and so on that bring about that result…

You see, what happens in a day are all the small stuff, whose reward is far into the future and invisible. The decision to go in early to work. Deciding to get involved and truly care about your company’s problems. The decision to do that exercise regimen every single day.

Or the other way around… deciding to have that extra drink… the decision to have that extra chocolate. The decision to go out with your friends rather than improve your skills. Or the decision to light up another cigarette.

We live in a delayed gratification environment, which means it is the small things that add up over time that ruin or make our lives.

And yet, if fear is our compass, it simply cannot handle an environment based on delayed gratification! It will get you to the nearest “safe” spot… A spot that is far away from the life you want to live, the life that is in accord with your values.

Fear is simply the perfect compass for a different environment.

Today we need a different compass.

Your Values Are Your Compass

In an environment that rewards delayed gratification, your values are what will guide you towards having a meaningful and rewarding life.

They will orient you towards those long-term goals that take time to achieve, and will help you link the small, every day steps, with those long-term rewards that are meaningful to you.

What your values are will differ from person to person. We’re all different, so you have to discover your own values.

The beauty of this, is that you already know what they are.

How so?

Well, you’re already embodying them.

It’s just about shifting your perspective so that you can actually see them. And the beauty of it is that all you have to do to discover your values is check those negative feelings that you’re always avoiding!

Embrace the Negatives

Worry, anxiety, grief, sadness, depression, fear, anger, guilt, humiliation.

You seek to avoid them right?

But what if, just momentarily, when you felt these emotions, before shirking back to comfort, you stopped for a moment, and asked yourself:

What does your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) about getting yelled at by your boss say about you? It says that you have high standards. It says that you want to bring about a meaningful contribution. That’s why you’re anxious.

What does your grief at the death of your loved one say about you? It says that you care. It says that you value your relationship with them deeply.

What does your anxiety about having a baby say? It says that you have high standards as a mother. You want to give only the best for your baby.

What does your fear of failure about starting your own business say? It says that you truly desire to be independent and financially free. It says that building your business is truly meaningful to you.

Wherever there are strong negative feelings, there are values. Many people today are confused about their values because they are always running away from negativity, as if negativity was something to be gotten rid of.

The truth is, that it is our negative emotions that make us truly human. That make us compassionate. That make us have empathy. That truly bring out the best in all of us.

So don’t run.

How Do You Stick To Your Values When You’re Afraid?

And finally, you know that your values are a better compass, you know how to discover them, the only question is how do you replace fear as your compass once you know your values?

In other words, how do you stick to your values when you’re afraid?

See, your question presupposes that you shouldn’t feel afraid in order to take action.

And that’s the point.

You mistakenly believe that you have to stop feeling afraid, and THEN you’ll take action. But the fear will not go away. It’s hardcoded in your brain.

And there’s another “rule” that is coded there. Only that you can change this one. It says “I must stop feeling afraid before taking action”.

Now let’s see, why is that rule false?

Can you think of examples when it wasn’t true? Examples when you first took action, and then your fear diminished?

Can you think of examples when you acted despite the fear?

Brainstorm a little. And then replace that rule with a more empowering and truthful one. For example: “I don’t need my fear to diminish to take action. I can take action despite the fear if I need to”.

Then cement that into your brain. Ask yourself to provide examples of when that rule would have been useful to you. Situations that could have turned out differently. Imagine the rewards you would have obtained if you had used this rule.

And then you just have to use it!

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Because the only real choice is if you will you act in accordance with your values, or you will not. Fear will be there regardless, there is no escape from feeling.

And here’s something that most people fail to realise:

Failure and pain in pursuit of your values is success

The person who pursues their values regardless of the obstacles in their path is a success. Think about the people you most admire.

Why do you admire them?

Take a look at this guy:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJnJ_fTYofQ

He has no arms and no legs. He can’t do a lot of the things that YOU take for granted.

And yet, you don’t just feel compassion for him. You don’t pity him. You admire him.

Why?

Because he pursues his values, regardless of his disabilities, failures and pain. And that’s success.

Billions of people admire Jesus Christ today, and some worship Him. And yet He died humiliated, and in pain. So why do we admire Him?

The unrelenting pursuit of His values.

_________________________________________________________________

Blog post from here: Are You Acting In Accordance With Your Values Or Your Fears? | TANDA Digital
 

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MJ DeMarco

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Awesome post, always a little "fearful" with paid guest posts as you never know what you are getting, but this is pure Fastlane mentality stuff, well written and for some, should be an eye-opener.

It also touches on how a lot of people today are not process oriented, but event driven (instant gratification) and how this only abets our fears.

Couldn't have written it better myself.

:thumbsup:


Darwin’s breakthrough about the “survival of the fittest” is true, except that the category of the “fittest” changes based on the environment. There is no one set of “strongest” characteristics regardless of environment. In other words, the fittest is relative, nature selects based on who survives based in a specific environment.

The nerd at CERN is a king. The nerd in your regular public school is a “loser”.

This right here. Boom.
 

Harman

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Awesome read. Awesome reminder. Thanks for this!

He has no arms and no legs. He can’t do a lot of the things that YOU take for granted.

And yet, you don’t just feel compassion for him. You don’t pity him. You admire him.

Why?

Because he pursues his values, regardless of his disabilities, failures and pain. And that’s success.

Bad A$$ alert.
 

MJ DeMarco

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This post reflects something very troublesome in today's society and that is how instant gratification has made it virtually impossible for the average person to succeed. We have been so accustomed to getting EXACTLY what we want, WHEN WE WANT IT, that no one knows how to deal with adversity, or circumstances that don't have an instant dopamine push.

I see this we a lot of young people in my life -- they are so used to swiping left for anything they don't like, they don't know how to deal with something they have to endure.
 

Not Most People

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This post reflects something very troublesome in today's society and that is how instant gratification has made it virtually impossible for the average person to succeed. We have been so accustomed to getting EXACTLY what we want, WHEN WE WANT IT, that no one knows how to deal with adversity, or circumstances that don't have an instant dopamine push.

I see this we a lot of young people in my life -- they are so used to swiping left for anything they don't like, they don't know how to deal with something they have to endure.
Agreed. I know for me personally, I have to be conscious of not getting sucked into the readily available dopamine-heavy apps and devices everywhere.

For most people who aren't even aware of how attention/dopamine works it's amazing they ever get anything done.

I'm 29 and those I know who are 5-10 years younger grew up completely "in it" and can't function in anything that doesn't provide constant dopamine hits. Their brain has become addicted to the novelty of social media scrolling at a young age. Scary stuff.
 

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This post reflects something very troublesome in today's society and that is how instant gratification has made it virtually impossible for the average person to succeed. We have been so accustomed to getting EXACTLY what we want, WHEN WE WANT IT, that no one knows how to deal with adversity, or circumstances that don't have an instant dopamine push.

I see this we a lot of young people in my life -- they are so used to swiping left for anything they don't like, they don't know how to deal with something they have to endure.

And that's because our society is very ego-focused (for many reasons, but I'd say that social media and instant gratification are one of the biggest contributors).

If you don't tolerate something, it's not your problem - it's everyone else's problem. So if a young person can't handle not getting what they want, they don't see that the problem is themselves and their inability to handle it. The problem is always something or somebody else.

The world was fine without that young person and will be fine without them when they're gone, just like it's fine without everyone else. We should adapt to the world and work with it as it is, not expect that it will change just because we grace it with our presence. Yet young people today are taught that they're special and that the world revolves around them. If something bothers them or they can't get something, it's not their fault. They're victims and the world is unfair.

Try to build a successful business (or actually achieve anything) with this crazy reasoning...
 

socaldude

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Darwin’s breakthrough about the “survival of the fittest” is true, except that the category of the “fittest” changes based on the environment

Environment is key. If you are driven by passive emotions, then your environment has won. If you are driven by your socialization, then your environment has won. People think critical thinking is “automatic” just like their entitled thinking.

The globalist elite have an agenda and people fall for it via academia, the media and government. To act and think in accordance to THEIR values and to degrade people’s emotional and thinking nature.

Sick stuff. :rofl:
 

MattR82

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This helped me immensely today. At age 38, I've only just started feeling anxiety in the last year, and in particular with a part time job that is perfect for helping me as I grow my business.

I'll still stick with using breath work to help with that, but this has been an eye opener.
 

Rabby

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If you feel stuck, it may be because you’re letting your fears, instead of your values drive your actions. See, fear is an inescapable aspect of being human. The fear response inside our brain has evolved to steer us away from danger and help us survive.

However, our modern-day environment is no longer the jungle of yestertime. There is no saber-tooth tiger waiting around the corner to tear us to shreds. Instead we have our regular worries… being late to work, getting fired, the boss yelling at us, our kids rebelling, and so on.

But our brain remains the same survival mechanism as before. It treats this modern-day environment like the jungle of yesterday, and the boss screaming at you as the equivalent of the sabertooth tiger getting ready to tear us to shreds. Hence our emotions and feelings do not accurately reflect the reality we’re dealing with.

For us, this means one thing… Fear is no longer an adequate compass to guide us through life.

What Happens When Fear Is Your Compass?

What happens depends on your environment. You see, if you live in the jungle, letting fear be your compass will probably keep you alive.

Darwin’s breakthrough about the “survival of the fittest” is true, except that the category of the “fittest” changes based on the environment. There is no one set of “strongest” characteristics regardless of environment. In other words, the fittest is relative, nature selects based on who survives based in a specific environment.

The nerd at CERN is a king. The nerd in your regular public school is a “loser”.

So if you’re anxious, there’s nothing wrong per say with you. You’re actually the “strongest” if our environment were to turn into a jungle. So there is no need to be ashamed.

However, if you’re letting your anxiety drive you in today’s modern environment, you go from “strongest” to missing out on your potential. And here’s why:

Fear works when punishment and reward are immediate. Like in the jungle. You see the sabertooth tiger, and the punishment of being caught by it, and the reward of escaping are immediate. There will be no delay.

However, in modern society, rewards and punishments are far into the future. You don’t build a billion dollar company, climb the corporate ladder, or become a world-famous doctor in a day. Nor in a month for that matter.

And you don’t get lung cancer in a day… it’s the cigarette of yesterday, and the cigarette of the day before, and so on that bring about that result…

You see, what happens in a day are all the small stuff, whose reward is far into the future and invisible. The decision to go in early to work. Deciding to get involved and truly care about your company’s problems. The decision to do that exercise regimen every single day.

Or the other way around… deciding to have that extra drink… the decision to have that extra chocolate. The decision to go out with your friends rather than improve your skills. Or the decision to light up another cigarette.

We live in a delayed gratification environment, which means it is the small things that add up over time that ruin or make our lives.

And yet, if fear is our compass, it simply cannot handle an environment based on delayed gratification! It will get you to the nearest “safe” spot… A spot that is far away from the life you want to live, the life that is in accord with your values.

Fear is simply the perfect compass for a different environment.

Today we need a different compass.

Your Values Are Your Compass

In an environment that rewards delayed gratification, your values are what will guide you towards having a meaningful and rewarding life.

They will orient you towards those long-term goals that take time to achieve, and will help you link the small, every day steps, with those long-term rewards that are meaningful to you.

What your values are will differ from person to person. We’re all different, so you have to discover your own values.

The beauty of this, is that you already know what they are.

How so?

Well, you’re already embodying them.

It’s just about shifting your perspective so that you can actually see them. And the beauty of it is that all you have to do to discover your values is check those negative feelings that you’re always avoiding!

Embrace the Negatives

Worry, anxiety, grief, sadness, depression, fear, anger, guilt, humiliation.

You seek to avoid them right?

But what if, just momentarily, when you felt these emotions, before shirking back to comfort, you stopped for a moment, and asked yourself:

What does your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) about getting yelled at by your boss say about you? It says that you have high standards. It says that you want to bring about a meaningful contribution. That’s why you’re anxious.

What does your grief at the death of your loved one say about you? It says that you care. It says that you value your relationship with them deeply.

What does your anxiety about having a baby say? It says that you have high standards as a mother. You want to give only the best for your baby.

What does your fear of failure about starting your own business say? It says that you truly desire to be independent and financially free. It says that building your business is truly meaningful to you.

Wherever there are strong negative feelings, there are values. Many people today are confused about their values because they are always running away from negativity, as if negativity was something to be gotten rid of.

The truth is, that it is our negative emotions that make us truly human. That make us compassionate. That make us have empathy. That truly bring out the best in all of us.

So don’t run.

How Do You Stick To Your Values When You’re Afraid?

And finally, you know that your values are a better compass, you know how to discover them, the only question is how do you replace fear as your compass once you know your values?

In other words, how do you stick to your values when you’re afraid?

See, your question presupposes that you shouldn’t feel afraid in order to take action.

And that’s the point.

You mistakenly believe that you have to stop feeling afraid, and THEN you’ll take action. But the fear will not go away. It’s hardcoded in your brain.

And there’s another “rule” that is coded there. Only that you can change this one. It says “I must stop feeling afraid before taking action”.

Now let’s see, why is that rule false?

Can you think of examples when it wasn’t true? Examples when you first took action, and then your fear diminished?

Can you think of examples when you acted despite the fear?

Brainstorm a little. And then replace that rule with a more empowering and truthful one. For example: “I don’t need my fear to diminish to take action. I can take action despite the fear if I need to”.

Then cement that into your brain. Ask yourself to provide examples of when that rule would have been useful to you. Situations that could have turned out differently. Imagine the rewards you would have obtained if you had used this rule.

And then you just have to use it!

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Because the only real choice is if you will you act in accordance with your values, or you will not. Fear will be there regardless, there is no escape from feeling.

And here’s something that most people fail to realise:

Failure and pain in pursuit of your values is success

The person who pursues their values regardless of the obstacles in their path is a success. Think about the people you most admire.

Why do you admire them?

Take a look at this guy:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJnJ_fTYofQ

He has no arms and no legs. He can’t do a lot of the things that YOU take for granted.

And yet, you don’t just feel compassion for him. You don’t pity him. You admire him.

Why?

Because he pursues his values, regardless of his disabilities, failures and pain. And that’s success.

Billions of people admire Jesus Christ today, and some worship Him. And yet He died humiliated, and in pain. So why do we admire Him?

The unrelenting pursuit of His values.

_________________________________________________________________

Blog post from here: Are You Acting In Accordance With Your Values Or Your Fears? | TANDA Digital

The concept behind this left me speechless. Really great post.
 

MJ DeMarco

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Updated to Notable.
 

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AndreiR

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Delighted and surprised by this post. I have a good time reading over the weeks' most popular posts but this one is much deeper than what I usually see on this forum. On top of the value you might get out of... having values haha, without a personal compass what's the motivation for success? If you don't know what your direction is in life then anywhere (and nowhere) will get you there. So I think this mentality can not only get you external success, but can make success worth achieving in the first place. It's like the saying that money is neither good or bad, having more of it just makes you more of what you are. Similarly, achieving success with your business and building wealth allows you to spread your values to more people.

This has been a colossal mindset shift for me and has in part happened because of a fastlane favorite - The Untethered Soul, and by several similar books by Anthony De Mello.
 

Aldrino

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If you feel stuck, it may be because you’re letting your fears, instead of your values drive your actions. See, fear is an inescapable aspect of being human. The fear response inside our brain has evolved to steer us away from danger and help us survive.

However, our modern-day environment is no longer the jungle of yestertime. There is no saber-tooth tiger waiting around the corner to tear us to shreds. Instead we have our regular worries… being late to work, getting fired, the boss yelling at us, our kids rebelling, and so on.

But our brain remains the same survival mechanism as before. It treats this modern-day environment like the jungle of yesterday, and the boss screaming at you as the equivalent of the sabertooth tiger getting ready to tear us to shreds. Hence our emotions and feelings do not accurately reflect the reality we’re dealing with.

For us, this means one thing… Fear is no longer an adequate compass to guide us through life.

What Happens When Fear Is Your Compass?

What happens depends on your environment. You see, if you live in the jungle, letting fear be your compass will probably keep you alive.

Darwin’s breakthrough about the “survival of the fittest” is true, except that the category of the “fittest” changes based on the environment. There is no one set of “strongest” characteristics regardless of environment. In other words, the fittest is relative, nature selects based on who survives based in a specific environment.

The nerd at CERN is a king. The nerd in your regular public school is a “loser”.

So if you’re anxious, there’s nothing wrong per say with you. You’re actually the “strongest” if our environment were to turn into a jungle. So there is no need to be ashamed.

However, if you’re letting your anxiety drive you in today’s modern environment, you go from “strongest” to missing out on your potential. And here’s why:

Fear works when punishment and reward are immediate. Like in the jungle. You see the sabertooth tiger, and the punishment of being caught by it, and the reward of escaping are immediate. There will be no delay.

However, in modern society, rewards and punishments are far into the future. You don’t build a billion dollar company, climb the corporate ladder, or become a world-famous doctor in a day. Nor in a month for that matter.

And you don’t get lung cancer in a day… it’s the cigarette of yesterday, and the cigarette of the day before, and so on that bring about that result…

You see, what happens in a day are all the small stuff, whose reward is far into the future and invisible. The decision to go in early to work. Deciding to get involved and truly care about your company’s problems. The decision to do that exercise regimen every single day.

Or the other way around… deciding to have that extra drink… the decision to have that extra chocolate. The decision to go out with your friends rather than improve your skills. Or the decision to light up another cigarette.

We live in a delayed gratification environment, which means it is the small things that add up over time that ruin or make our lives.

And yet, if fear is our compass, it simply cannot handle an environment based on delayed gratification! It will get you to the nearest “safe” spot… A spot that is far away from the life you want to live, the life that is in accord with your values.

Fear is simply the perfect compass for a different environment.

Today we need a different compass.

Your Values Are Your Compass

In an environment that rewards delayed gratification, your values are what will guide you towards having a meaningful and rewarding life.

They will orient you towards those long-term goals that take time to achieve, and will help you link the small, every day steps, with those long-term rewards that are meaningful to you.

What your values are will differ from person to person. We’re all different, so you have to discover your own values.

The beauty of this, is that you already know what they are.

How so?

Well, you’re already embodying them.

It’s just about shifting your perspective so that you can actually see them. And the beauty of it is that all you have to do to discover your values is check those negative feelings that you’re always avoiding!

Embrace the Negatives

Worry, anxiety, grief, sadness, depression, fear, anger, guilt, humiliation.

You seek to avoid them right?

But what if, just momentarily, when you felt these emotions, before shirking back to comfort, you stopped for a moment, and asked yourself:

What does your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) about getting yelled at by your boss say about you? It says that you have high standards. It says that you want to bring about a meaningful contribution. That’s why you’re anxious.

What does your grief at the death of your loved one say about you? It says that you care. It says that you value your relationship with them deeply.

What does your anxiety about having a baby say? It says that you have high standards as a mother. You want to give only the best for your baby.

What does your fear of failure about starting your own business say? It says that you truly desire to be independent and financially free. It says that building your business is truly meaningful to you.

Wherever there are strong negative feelings, there are values. Many people today are confused about their values because they are always running away from negativity, as if negativity was something to be gotten rid of.

The truth is, that it is our negative emotions that make us truly human. That make us compassionate. That make us have empathy. That truly bring out the best in all of us.

So don’t run.

How Do You Stick To Your Values When You’re Afraid?

And finally, you know that your values are a better compass, you know how to discover them, the only question is how do you replace fear as your compass once you know your values?

In other words, how do you stick to your values when you’re afraid?

See, your question presupposes that you shouldn’t feel afraid in order to take action.

And that’s the point.

You mistakenly believe that you have to stop feeling afraid, and THEN you’ll take action. But the fear will not go away. It’s hardcoded in your brain.

And there’s another “rule” that is coded there. Only that you can change this one. It says “I must stop feeling afraid before taking action”.

Now let’s see, why is that rule false?

Can you think of examples when it wasn’t true? Examples when you first took action, and then your fear diminished?

Can you think of examples when you acted despite the fear?

Brainstorm a little. And then replace that rule with a more empowering and truthful one. For example: “I don’t need my fear to diminish to take action. I can take action despite the fear if I need to”.

Then cement that into your brain. Ask yourself to provide examples of when that rule would have been useful to you. Situations that could have turned out differently. Imagine the rewards you would have obtained if you had used this rule.

And then you just have to use it!

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Because the only real choice is if you will you act in accordance with your values, or you will not. Fear will be there regardless, there is no escape from feeling.

And here’s something that most people fail to realise:

Failure and pain in pursuit of your values is success

The person who pursues their values regardless of the obstacles in their path is a success. Think about the people you most admire.

Why do you admire them?

Take a look at this guy:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJnJ_fTYofQ

He has no arms and no legs. He can’t do a lot of the things that YOU take for granted.

And yet, you don’t just feel compassion for him. You don’t pity him. You admire him.

Why?

Because he pursues his values, regardless of his disabilities, failures and pain. And that’s success.

Billions of people admire Jesus Christ today, and some worship Him. And yet He died humiliated, and in pain. So why do we admire Him?

The unrelenting pursuit of His values.

_________________________________________________________________

Blog post from here: Are You Acting In Accordance With Your Values Or Your Fears? | TANDA Digital
Incredible post! Lots of wisdom to be gained here.

Thanks for taking the time to write this!

Wherever there are strong negative feelings, there are values. Many people today are confused about their values because they are always running away from negativity, as if negativity was something to be gotten rid of.

The truth is, that it is our negative emotions that make us truly human. That make us compassionate. That make us have empathy. That truly bring out the best in all of us.

So don’t run.
And this is an amazing way to look at negative emotions.

As Neil Strauss said, "People go through so much pain trying to avoid pain." Maybe this is because it's an automatic response and we just got used to it -- and we haven't tried a different approach.

Thanks for pointing out that there's NO NEED TO RUN from "negative" emotions.

I'm just starting out on my Fastlane journey, and a book that's helping me change my perspective (as your post did) is "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" by Richard Carlson. The audiobook version is just 4 hours, but has the potential to turn someone's life around (or at least mine).

Sorry for the long post, I hope this can bring value to someone out there bugged with worries, fears, and frustrations.
 

Black_Dragon43

Gold Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
Apr 28, 2017
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As Neil Strauss said, "People go through so much pain trying to avoid pain." Maybe this is because it's an automatic response and we just got used to it -- and we haven't tried a different approach.

Thanks for pointing out that there's NO NEED TO RUN from "negative" emotions.
Yes, absolutely.

Scientifically it's called "experiential avoidance", which basically is exactly this habit that many of us have where there are some experiences that we label as "bad", and we seek to change our external environment to avoid them no matter what. Many negative behaviors emerge from experiential avoidance. Think about things such as procrastination (ie, you dislike certain things you might experience while doing the activity you're procrastinating about, such as anxiety for example), action faking, perfectionism, phobias, shiny object syndrome, addictions, and so on.

The moment this internal separation comes about within you there is conflict. Part of you (the "good" part) wants to avoid the "bad", "unwanted" part, which is anxious or however it is. And things go downhill from there, as you start using different defense mechanisms to avoid the unwanted part.

The opposite of experiential avoidance would be experiential flexibility - you're open to experiencing a wide variety of possible experiences, not just those that you have a personal like for. Think about something like meditation. The whole point and ethos of meditation is that you'll sit down, and experience all those things you used to run away from. No more escaping! And that slowly translates to other parts of your life. You become more open to life and to enjoy what life has to give you. We have an absolutely brilliant thread on here about meditation, by @MTF, for those who want to go down that route.

But of course formal meditation isn't the only way. So long as you're mindful, regardless of what you're doing, you can gain the necessary distance from your thoughts and feelings that you need so that you realize that you're ok with them being what they are. It doesn't affect who you really are, deep down. When you do this, then you start loving things that before you used to push away, such as your anxiety. Instead of being unwanted feelings to push down and get rid of, they are messages, and the beauty of it is that they're messages about your values.

If you're anxious about feeding your baby for example, it's a distorted reflection of your underlying values: you love your baby, and want only what is best for them. And when we treat anxiety in this case as a message from our core self, then we're no longer scared by it, but we embrace it. We let it guide us towards doing the right thing, rather than seeking escape from it.

And you practice all of this by living life, day after day. You don't need any special practice imo... just watch yourself, and life will be your practice. Notice when you're getting anxious. Watch the anxiety as you'd watch another object of experience, without clinging on to it, or wanting to push it away. Understand the underlying message that it's giving you about who you are and what you value. And then act in accordance with your values.

All of us are conditioned (you could even say scripted) by society to be in conflict with ourselves so that we can be more easily controlled. Divide and conquer. And what better place to put the division than within the individual himself? Then he will remain a slave his entire life, and by means of the division, others can control him or her. We teach him that this part within him that feels ashamed is bad. Then every time we want to make him stop doing something, it's enough to make him feel ashamed. Then the work is done, the individual carries out the rest of it by himself.

So the path to freedom isn't the path to better conditioning... replacing a less empowering belief with a more empowering one. But rather it's the path to deconditioning... Removing the internal conflict, and allowing the internal harmony from inside to flourish. And that's what brings about freedom.

In the end, experiential avoidance is a learned behavior. We've been taught that our negative feelings are bad and to be avoided. We're told anxiety is a mental illness, that having it means something is wrong with us, and so on. All these messages serve the function of social control. Experiential flexibility is also learned, and it starts with unlearning the avoidance, and shedding the social conditioning that has been imposed upon us.
 

Aldrino

New Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Jun 4, 2020
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So the path to freedom isn't the path to better conditioning... replacing a less empowering belief with a more empowering one. But rather it's the path to deconditioning... Removing the internal conflict, and allowing the internal harmony from inside to flourish. And that's what brings about freedom.

In the end, experiential avoidance is a learned behavior. We've been taught that our negative feelings are bad and to be avoided. We're told anxiety is a mental illness, that having it means something is wrong with us, and so on. All these messages serve the function of social control. Experiential flexibility is also learned, and it starts with unlearning the avoidance, and shedding the social conditioning that has been imposed upon us.
WOW. Thank you for sharing your insights!

Makes me realize there's a lot more to learn about this world we live in.

I think it really helps being in this Fastlane community to have these kind of realizations top-of-mind.
 

Jetlee

New Contributor
Jan 24, 2021
3
4
11
If you feel stuck, it may be because you’re letting your fears, instead of your values drive your actions. See, fear is an inescapable aspect of being human. The fear response inside our brain has evolved to steer us away from danger and help us survive.

However, our modern-day environment is no longer the jungle of yestertime. There is no saber-tooth tiger waiting around the corner to tear us to shreds. Instead we have our regular worries… being late to work, getting fired, the boss yelling at us, our kids rebelling, and so on.

But our brain remains the same survival mechanism as before. It treats this modern-day environment like the jungle of yesterday, and the boss screaming at you as the equivalent of the sabertooth tiger getting ready to tear us to shreds. Hence our emotions and feelings do not accurately reflect the reality we’re dealing with.

For us, this means one thing… Fear is no longer an adequate compass to guide us through life.

What Happens When Fear Is Your Compass?

What happens depends on your environment. You see, if you live in the jungle, letting fear be your compass will probably keep you alive.

Darwin’s breakthrough about the “survival of the fittest” is true, except that the category of the “fittest” changes based on the environment. There is no one set of “strongest” characteristics regardless of environment. In other words, the fittest is relative, nature selects based on who survives based in a specific environment.

The nerd at CERN is a king. The nerd in your regular public school is a “loser”.

So if you’re anxious, there’s nothing wrong per say with you. You’re actually the “strongest” if our environment were to turn into a jungle. So there is no need to be ashamed.

However, if you’re letting your anxiety drive you in today’s modern environment, you go from “strongest” to missing out on your potential. And here’s why:

Fear works when punishment and reward are immediate. Like in the jungle. You see the sabertooth tiger, and the punishment of being caught by it, and the reward of escaping are immediate. There will be no delay.

However, in modern society, rewards and punishments are far into the future. You don’t build a billion dollar company, climb the corporate ladder, or become a world-famous doctor in a day. Nor in a month for that matter.

And you don’t get lung cancer in a day… it’s the cigarette of yesterday, and the cigarette of the day before, and so on that bring about that result…

You see, what happens in a day are all the small stuff, whose reward is far into the future and invisible. The decision to go in early to work. Deciding to get involved and truly care about your company’s problems. The decision to do that exercise regimen every single day.

Or the other way around… deciding to have that extra drink… the decision to have that extra chocolate. The decision to go out with your friends rather than improve your skills. Or the decision to light up another cigarette.

We live in a delayed gratification environment, which means it is the small things that add up over time that ruin or make our lives.

And yet, if fear is our compass, it simply cannot handle an environment based on delayed gratification! It will get you to the nearest “safe” spot… A spot that is far away from the life you want to live, the life that is in accord with your values.

Fear is simply the perfect compass for a different environment.

Today we need a different compass.

Your Values Are Your Compass

In an environment that rewards delayed gratification, your values are what will guide you towards having a meaningful and rewarding life.

They will orient you towards those long-term goals that take time to achieve, and will help you link the small, every day steps, with those long-term rewards that are meaningful to you.

What your values are will differ from person to person. We’re all different, so you have to discover your own values.

The beauty of this, is that you already know what they are.

How so?

Well, you’re already embodying them.

It’s just about shifting your perspective so that you can actually see them. And the beauty of it is that all you have to do to discover your values is check those negative feelings that you’re always avoiding!

Embrace the Negatives

Worry, anxiety, grief, sadness, depression, fear, anger, guilt, humiliation.

You seek to avoid them right?

But what if, just momentarily, when you felt these emotions, before shirking back to comfort, you stopped for a moment, and asked yourself:

What does your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) about getting yelled at by your boss say about you? It says that you have high standards. It says that you want to bring about a meaningful contribution. That’s why you’re anxious.

What does your grief at the death of your loved one say about you? It says that you care. It says that you value your relationship with them deeply.

What does your anxiety about having a baby say? It says that you have high standards as a mother. You want to give only the best for your baby.

What does your fear of failure about starting your own business say? It says that you truly desire to be independent and financially free. It says that building your business is truly meaningful to you.

Wherever there are strong negative feelings, there are values. Many people today are confused about their values because they are always running away from negativity, as if negativity was something to be gotten rid of.

The truth is, that it is our negative emotions that make us truly human. That make us compassionate. That make us have empathy. That truly bring out the best in all of us.

So don’t run.

How Do You Stick To Your Values When You’re Afraid?

And finally, you know that your values are a better compass, you know how to discover them, the only question is how do you replace fear as your compass once you know your values?

In other words, how do you stick to your values when you’re afraid?

See, your question presupposes that you shouldn’t feel afraid in order to take action.

And that’s the point.

You mistakenly believe that you have to stop feeling afraid, and THEN you’ll take action. But the fear will not go away. It’s hardcoded in your brain.

And there’s another “rule” that is coded there. Only that you can change this one. It says “I must stop feeling afraid before taking action”.

Now let’s see, why is that rule false?

Can you think of examples when it wasn’t true? Examples when you first took action, and then your fear diminished?

Can you think of examples when you acted despite the fear?

Brainstorm a little. And then replace that rule with a more empowering and truthful one. For example: “I don’t need my fear to diminish to take action. I can take action despite the fear if I need to”.

Then cement that into your brain. Ask yourself to provide examples of when that rule would have been useful to you. Situations that could have turned out differently. Imagine the rewards you would have obtained if you had used this rule.

And then you just have to use it!

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Because the only real choice is if you will you act in accordance with your values, or you will not. Fear will be there regardless, there is no escape from feeling.

And here’s something that most people fail to realise:

Failure and pain in pursuit of your values is success

The person who pursues their values regardless of the obstacles in their path is a success. Think about the people you most admire.

Why do you admire them?

Take a look at this guy:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJnJ_fTYofQ

He has no arms and no legs. He can’t do a lot of the things that YOU take for granted.

And yet, you don’t just feel compassion for him. You don’t pity him. You admire him.

Why?

Because he pursues his values, regardless of his disabilities, failures and pain. And that’s success.

Billions of people admire Jesus Christ today, and some worship Him. And yet He died humiliated, and in pain. So why do we admire Him?

The unrelenting pursuit of His values.

_________________________________________________________________

Blog post from here: Are You Acting In Accordance With Your Values Or Your Fears? | TANDA Digital
I suffered some fearful circumstances when I was young boy and even today that I'm 26 years old. Last year, I was discriminated by a police man for being a healthcare worker and treated me unprofessionally. Instead of defending my rights as a healthcare worker and human being, I allowed fear to control me. From that day, I feel threatened everytime I see a policeman. I felt a trauma for what had happened before. I realized that if you allow fear to control you, bad outcomes happen not only on the emotional aspect of your life but on your entire life as human being. I always pray to God to remove this fear in me. I want to overcome it and totally be free but I know it's not easy. It's a lifetime battle to be fought everyday and order for me to win this I will not rely solely on my own strength but above all on God. I think that's when our personal belief and values will come in. Godbless.
 

hellolin

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
May 27, 2015
310
377
191
35
Environment is key. If you are driven by passive emotions, then your environment has won. If you are driven by your socialization, then your environment has won. People think critical thinking is “automatic” just like their entitled thinking.

The globalist elite have an agenda and people fall for it via academia, the media and government. To act and think in accordance to THEIR values and to degrade people’s emotional and thinking nature.

Sick stuff. :rofl:

I think you also forgot about the cheap shoes, TVs, electronic gadgets made by the so called globalist elite outsource them to China. People are hooked on cheap consumeristic stuff while complaining about "buying America" at the same time, something does not compute.
 

WJK

Platinum Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
1,703
3,874
878
Alaska
If you feel stuck, it may be because you’re letting your fears, instead of your values drive your actions. See, fear is an inescapable aspect of being human. The fear response inside our brain has evolved to steer us away from danger and help us survive.

However, our modern-day environment is no longer the jungle of yestertime. There is no saber-tooth tiger waiting around the corner to tear us to shreds. Instead we have our regular worries… being late to work, getting fired, the boss yelling at us, our kids rebelling, and so on.

But our brain remains the same survival mechanism as before. It treats this modern-day environment like the jungle of yesterday, and the boss screaming at you as the equivalent of the sabertooth tiger getting ready to tear us to shreds. Hence our emotions and feelings do not accurately reflect the reality we’re dealing with.

For us, this means one thing… Fear is no longer an adequate compass to guide us through life.

What Happens When Fear Is Your Compass?

What happens depends on your environment. You see, if you live in the jungle, letting fear be your compass will probably keep you alive.

Darwin’s breakthrough about the “survival of the fittest” is true, except that the category of the “fittest” changes based on the environment. There is no one set of “strongest” characteristics regardless of environment. In other words, the fittest is relative, nature selects based on who survives based in a specific environment.

The nerd at CERN is a king. The nerd in your regular public school is a “loser”.

So if you’re anxious, there’s nothing wrong per say with you. You’re actually the “strongest” if our environment were to turn into a jungle. So there is no need to be ashamed.

However, if you’re letting your anxiety drive you in today’s modern environment, you go from “strongest” to missing out on your potential. And here’s why:

Fear works when punishment and reward are immediate. Like in the jungle. You see the sabertooth tiger, and the punishment of being caught by it, and the reward of escaping are immediate. There will be no delay.

However, in modern society, rewards and punishments are far into the future. You don’t build a billion dollar company, climb the corporate ladder, or become a world-famous doctor in a day. Nor in a month for that matter.

And you don’t get lung cancer in a day… it’s the cigarette of yesterday, and the cigarette of the day before, and so on that bring about that result…

You see, what happens in a day are all the small stuff, whose reward is far into the future and invisible. The decision to go in early to work. Deciding to get involved and truly care about your company’s problems. The decision to do that exercise regimen every single day.

Or the other way around… deciding to have that extra drink… the decision to have that extra chocolate. The decision to go out with your friends rather than improve your skills. Or the decision to light up another cigarette.

We live in a delayed gratification environment, which means it is the small things that add up over time that ruin or make our lives.

And yet, if fear is our compass, it simply cannot handle an environment based on delayed gratification! It will get you to the nearest “safe” spot… A spot that is far away from the life you want to live, the life that is in accord with your values.

Fear is simply the perfect compass for a different environment.

Today we need a different compass.

Your Values Are Your Compass

In an environment that rewards delayed gratification, your values are what will guide you towards having a meaningful and rewarding life.

They will orient you towards those long-term goals that take time to achieve, and will help you link the small, every day steps, with those long-term rewards that are meaningful to you.

What your values are will differ from person to person. We’re all different, so you have to discover your own values.

The beauty of this, is that you already know what they are.

How so?

Well, you’re already embodying them.

It’s just about shifting your perspective so that you can actually see them. And the beauty of it is that all you have to do to discover your values is check those negative feelings that you’re always avoiding!

Embrace the Negatives

Worry, anxiety, grief, sadness, depression, fear, anger, guilt, humiliation.

You seek to avoid them right?

But what if, just momentarily, when you felt these emotions, before shirking back to comfort, you stopped for a moment, and asked yourself:

What does your anxiety (or whatever negative emotion) about getting yelled at by your boss say about you? It says that you have high standards. It says that you want to bring about a meaningful contribution. That’s why you’re anxious.

What does your grief at the death of your loved one say about you? It says that you care. It says that you value your relationship with them deeply.

What does your anxiety about having a baby say? It says that you have high standards as a mother. You want to give only the best for your baby.

What does your fear of failure about starting your own business say? It says that you truly desire to be independent and financially free. It says that building your business is truly meaningful to you.

Wherever there are strong negative feelings, there are values. Many people today are confused about their values because they are always running away from negativity, as if negativity was something to be gotten rid of.

The truth is, that it is our negative emotions that make us truly human. That make us compassionate. That make us have empathy. That truly bring out the best in all of us.

So don’t run.

How Do You Stick To Your Values When You’re Afraid?

And finally, you know that your values are a better compass, you know how to discover them, the only question is how do you replace fear as your compass once you know your values?

In other words, how do you stick to your values when you’re afraid?

See, your question presupposes that you shouldn’t feel afraid in order to take action.

And that’s the point.

You mistakenly believe that you have to stop feeling afraid, and THEN you’ll take action. But the fear will not go away. It’s hardcoded in your brain.

And there’s another “rule” that is coded there. Only that you can change this one. It says “I must stop feeling afraid before taking action”.

Now let’s see, why is that rule false?

Can you think of examples when it wasn’t true? Examples when you first took action, and then your fear diminished?

Can you think of examples when you acted despite the fear?

Brainstorm a little. And then replace that rule with a more empowering and truthful one. For example: “I don’t need my fear to diminish to take action. I can take action despite the fear if I need to”.

Then cement that into your brain. Ask yourself to provide examples of when that rule would have been useful to you. Situations that could have turned out differently. Imagine the rewards you would have obtained if you had used this rule.

And then you just have to use it!

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Because the only real choice is if you will you act in accordance with your values, or you will not. Fear will be there regardless, there is no escape from feeling.

And here’s something that most people fail to realise:

Failure and pain in pursuit of your values is success

The person who pursues their values regardless of the obstacles in their path is a success. Think about the people you most admire.

Why do you admire them?

Take a look at this guy:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJnJ_fTYofQ

He has no arms and no legs. He can’t do a lot of the things that YOU take for granted.

And yet, you don’t just feel compassion for him. You don’t pity him. You admire him.

Why?

Because he pursues his values, regardless of his disabilities, failures and pain. And that’s success.

Billions of people admire Jesus Christ today, and some worship Him. And yet He died humiliated, and in pain. So why do we admire Him?

The unrelenting pursuit of His values.

_________________________________________________________________

Blog post from here: Are You Acting In Accordance With Your Values Or Your Fears? | TANDA Digital
I agree with you. I too have very strong beliefs about personal fears and demons.

I have known a scant few who lack the ability to feel fears at all. They are fool hearty and act stupidly. They drive too fast feeling that they are in control. They throw themselves down cliffs thinking that they won't break their bones and their bodies. And most of all, they endanger all of the other people around them. Their lack of feeling fears is a scary missing part.

On the other hand, prudent people feel & honor their fears through evaluating the dangers, making a reasonable plan based upon those dangers, and then carefully forge ahead.

I was interested in reading your opinions about our instant gratification culture. You right. I don't believe in instant anything. That type of situation is not sustainable and tends to be vapid. A perfect example of this syndrome is those lucky ones who win a lottery. The results are prophetic. Easy come -- easy go. Rich today. Back to being broke tomorrow. It's a well-worn fate that many entrepreneurs also haplessly take.

True success is a mindset. It's a very long journey -- not a short sprint. And it is a progressive process. One's feelings and points of view change over time. Experiences and maturity both put their thumbs on the scale, coloring our perceptions. Success is kind of like making good wine. The ingredients must be combined and then aged over time in order to understand their true nature and potential bouquet. Examination and nipping a taste during the process many times mislead us. We are left with a feeling of being incomplete and still hungry for more. It's a classic case of having a "hungry heart".
 

Santi M

See you on the fastlane
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
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Jul 22, 2018
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Awesome post, eye-opening. Thank you @Black_Dragon43

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

As Dr. Jordan Peterson says, it is not about being less afraid, there's plenty of reasons to be afraid, but it is about being braver and willingly face every situation despite fear.
 

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