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Applying FastLane Principles to Finding Love?

Topics relating to managing people and relationships

Dubidu

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Step 1: Find female you are curious about
Step 2: Speak to said female
Step 3: Get a date if you hit it off

Rinse and repeat.

I'd imagine you are making this a lot harder for yourself than it needs to be. The only thing stopping you is your fear of rejection. If you speak to 1000 women, you WILL hit it off with 1.

What's stopping you speaking to 1000 women?

Fear.

Go go go go go.

Um, thanks for that but I'm female and looking for a guy...
 

MidwestLandlord

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As a dude, I'm totally unqualified to give advice.

But I'm going to anyway! Haha!

With business you respond to what the market tells you. You adapt. You adjust. You don't get stuck thinking "I'm right!" when the market is obviously telling you that you are wrong. (by either actual feedback, or more likely, no feedback at all)

Can you apply that same principal to dating? I think so (and did when I was single)

Dating is a market like any other. Are you giving the market what it wants? Are you selling to the market correctly?

Here's an example of adjusting I did when I was single:

First dates.

Dinner...right? Isn't that what society says to do? Isn't that the script?

"If I pay for an expensive dinner, she's gonna like me!"

Bleh. Gag me.

Dinner first dates never really went anywhere for me. So much pressure for both people. Pressure on me to buy this expensive dinner for a gal I didn't even know, and pressure on her because of the unwritten expectations of "he's buying me dinner, he wants something from me" (romance obviously)

Basically buying her affection.

So I switched to coffee dates, or a drink at a quiet lounge. AND I verbally put a time limit on it "I've only got an hour or so"

Doing both put way less pressure on us. Took away the unwritten expectations that came from buying her affection with dinner, and the time limit let her know she could relax and just get to know me. (took away her expecting me to try for romance on the first date)

I dated a lot of very cool women that way. It worked very well.

So, what have you tried that can be adjusted?
 
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SquatchMan

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For some reason, I don't feel physically attracted to them; they are nice guys (I have no desire to date bad boys/unavailable men) - if there is one theme that seems to be it.

Pretty much sums up the thread right here.

Wants a nice guy--> Feels no attraction to nice guys --> refuses to date bad boys (who you are attracted to).

Are you telling me there's not a single guy in the world who doesn't want to settle down with an in-shape, attractive, 40 year old female lawyer?


No one said that.

Does a 40 year old female lawyer want to settle down with someone that works in a warehouse making 30k/year?

No.

She wants the CEO, doctor, or lawyer, but the (most likely previously divorced) CEO/doctor/lawyer doesn't want to remarry. He'd rather date a 23 year woman.

Most powerful men I know have been married to the same woman for 20+ years.

The ones that aren't married are divorced from their college sweetheart and refuse to remarry because they lost 50% to alimony. They then realize that they can date 23 year old women, so they date 23 year old women instead of 40 year old women.
 
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Fox

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Hi Everyone, I am 40, female and still single. I have posted elsewhere that I am a lawyer, working on my side hustle (until it becomes my full time thing). However, for the last 3 years I have tried everything I can think of to maximise my chances of meeting someone. I want to have my family. For obvious reasons, I need to prioritise this over and above the side hustle. I have tried hiring a coach (Law of Attraction principles, well-known in the media, said it worked for her, did all the exercises etc; nothing). I went to the opening of an envelope if needed, joined different gyms and moved jobs to a male dominated industry to maximise my chances. I get enough interest but haven't met The One. I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed. Is there a way to apply Fast Lane principles to finding love? Thank you to all who respond :)

You can't Fastlane biology.

Your prime window for finding a mate and having a family is rapidly closing. Law of attraction and coaching sessions won't change that. Neither will fishing for positive "go girl" posts on a thread. I think the harsh advice here is on point - stop being so selective and take what you can get.

If you are attractive you most likely have had 1000s of options over your lifetime to find someone suitable. If you haven't a partner then your priorities had to be elsewhere - your career, chasing guys who would never commit, travel etc.

Biology doesn't bend to tactics and perspective. It is something hard-wired into all of us. You are in the last few years of your window for fertility so you have to make a choice. Keep chasing the kind of guy you won't get or settle for the kind of guy you will.

If you want to think of finding love in terms of Fastlane it would be this... what is your biological value?

For a guy biological value is based on ability to provide and protect:
- Height
- Power
- Money
- Dominance
- Social connections
- Status
- Ability to provide for and protect a family

As a guy I don't get to choice somethings like height but I can work on others. Men have a slight advantage (in a way) that they can actively work on improving their odds. They can make good money, improve their status, hit the gym, gain valuable life experience and so on.

For a woman biologically it is much more fixed:
- looks (based on fertility)
- age
- ability and willingness to raise a family
- feminine qualities that would be suitable for raising children

For women your value is much more fixed. If you have the right genes you are off to a huge head start and without any work (once you hit the right age) you will be highly sought after. With things like working on your personality and keeping yourself in shape you can improve those odds for sure. BUT your timespan is much shorter and age will quickly work against you.

Again harsh but true. Try being an 18 - 22 year old guy when all the hot girls are wanting to hang out with the cooler older guy. This is the same in reverse for women.

So my advice would be this - be realistic with what type of guy will commit and what your market value is for starting a family. There are still lots of good decent guys out there who will commit but if you are expecting to tick of all the dream boxes you won't find one.

---

So there is no outrage - biological value isn't linked to your value as an actual person. The above is based on OPs goal of starting a family, nothing else.
 

Gunther Herzog

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Dear Dubidu

I have to add something here. This is not to offend you. This is just a fact of the mating game. It ain't good, it ain't pretty and it definitely ain't fair.
But it is as it is
. If you want to effectively participate at the mating game, you have to accept this.

Look at the following picture. It shows the relative mate value of a group of 161 persons over their aging process.
abblingung für forum post_3.jpg
(I do not assure representatives of this in a scientific way. But the tendency is there!)
Do you realize anything?

Exactly, the relative value form a man stays or gets bigger over time and the one of a woman drops. Yes thats harsh.

You asked about any <technique> or <approach>.
You have to face the reality. No mysterious <technique> will make you younger or more attractive. It as it is, accept it. Work from there.
I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed.

I know why you failed.
The mating market is as any market. Markets never lie. If
offer and demand are not met, nothing will happen.

You want to much and are offering to little. Please re-watch this part of the video.

To sum it up out of the video above:
You are going to have to grit your teeth and lower your standards
or:
“Accepting REALITY: All the good men are taken. If a woman gets a good man, she is not letting him go. You are 32 Years old.”

Kind regards Gunther, I hope this wasn't to straight out.
 

ApparentHorizon

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for the last 3 years I have tried everything I can think of to maximise my chances of meeting someone.
I have tried hiring a coach (Law of Attraction principles, well-known in the media, said it worked for her, did all the exercises etc; nothing). I went to the opening of an envelope if needed, joined different gyms and moved jobs to a male dominated industry to maximise my chances. I get enough interest but haven't met The One.

When I was young, I stayed with my grandparents a lot. They lived in a rural village, where there wasn't much to do. But it wasn't isolated from the modernized world.

Back then, we had what were essentially private Ubers. But without the technology and apps.

So every weekend we'd hitch a ride, on one of these, 15 min into town. The main reason being grocery shopping.

However, before we got to any of that, we'd always go somewhere new. A public museum. A concert in the park. An arcade at the food court.

At the surface it seems its just them being grandparents. Taking me to have some fun.

Until we went into an industrial expo. Gadgets and technology, but for manufacturing. Trains, excavators, etc.

Perhaps it was from my grandfather's background as a track engineer. But I became really excited. Putting my hands on everything. Including what I can only describe as steel grade legos. Which I quickly built into a working prototype of what they had on display. All without instructions or reason.

Fast forward the next few years, and these type of events now made up the majority of our adventures. Leading me into comp-sci and engineering. And today I program for companies as my main business.

You see, to their brilliance, they didn't know what I wanted. And what kid does?

So they exposed me to everything under the sun. Until something finally stuck.

But that wasn't enough to lead to a fast-lane life.

I knew I wanted to do my own thing, without constraints or worry. I knew it would involve some sort of computer work. Programming, analysis, etc.

So how do I get there? What are my options? What are other people doing? What if I choose wrong and how much time could I waste?

All questions leading to analysis paralysis. I wasn't stagnating. Life was moving along just fine. But reaching fast-lane land was slowly fleeting.

Should I start the process again, like my grandparents, of going to every venue and see what sticks? That's definitely an option. However, that relies too much on luck. While luck can be a large part of success. It can't be the primary driving force. Otherwise, we'd all just play the lottery.

Or should I take a step back an analyze the market. I already knew people were going to pay me to program.

But the million dollar question was, who do I want to work for? @SinisterLex mentioned this in his UpWork thread. You're the one choosing who you want to work with. You're the one choosing who you accept jobs from. And you do this by not only analyzing their needs, but how they treat you. How they react to your suggestions. How they engage in a conversation.

You see, you're 90% of the way there.

You know your market value.
You know the destination.

But you don't know the details in between.

If you had asked me 5 years ago, who do I want as a partner. I'd have given you a list of both physical and personality traits I'd enjoy being around.

(Notice how that statement applies to, a business partner, a client, and a lover. The way a person treats their body and the way they walk tells you 80% of their story.)

So I defined what kinds of clients I want to work with, and I've built a very comfortable business over the past 11 years doing so.

I defined what kind of loving partner I want to be with. And I've been with the same girl for the past 4 years.

The feeling I'm getting from this thread, is what you can offer to others.

You already know the answer.

But from the information you've given here, it seems you don't know who you want as your partner.

Goal setting doesn't just have to be for career and family life. It can be about individual people as well.
 

Maxboost

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The video is over 1 hour long so no I didn't watch all of it. But I cannot relate to the caller: she had long-distance relationships, some men were apparently not smart enough for her, she dated someone to whom religion was important and therefore they were fundamentally incompatible. I get that I may have unconscious biases but as I've said above - I'm swimming in the right pool and for some reason the subtext of your posts to me come across as "hey, you're 40 years old honey, settle for anyone who'd look at you"...it would be the same as me saying to you: "hey, you know how you've failed to make it in business for the last 20 years - take whatever work you can get, why don't you?" Not particularly helpful.

Thanks for your input though; alternative viewpoints/challenges at least help to clarify one's thoughts further...

Can't relate to the caller? Here are the similarities....
-You both put career and making money before raising a family (ahem...modern day feminism)
-You both want children AND marriage
-You both won't settle for anyone you deem less attractive than yourselves
-You both missed your prime fertility years (18-30)
-You both are in a rush to get married AND have kids but are unable to see how unrealistic at this point (you have 1-2 years to meet someone, co-habitate, have him propose, than get pregnant, get married and at the same time work on your career and business while raising a toddler for the next 3-5 years)
-You both have no understanding of the sexual market place. I hate to sound mean but rich good looking men WILL ALWAYS date a younger women
-Stephan Molyneaux, STATISTICALLY proved how ridiculous the caller's demands were which I suspect are similar to yours. 6ft tall, good looking, 6 figures, etc...Your basically looking at less than 1% of the population.

The last analogy about being in business for 20 years is a poor one. A better analogy would be " what advice would you give a man who is 40 years old trying to make it in the National Football League"? It would be absolutely destructive to give wishful thinking advice to someone.

The idea that looks are the most important to you says that you are not marriage material. When your husband starts losing his hair or gets fat, are you going to get a divorce? I would run away from you as fast as possible.

Marriage is not an event (Wedding) but a process of growing old with a person through all of the ups and downs while taking care of children.
 
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wade1mil

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I'm being super broad here because I don't know anything about you. In Fastlane terms, it sounds like you waiting for THE ONE is like a wantrepreneur waiting for THE ONE silver bullet business opportunity that costs nothing to startup and gets a $50M valuation in a month.

The equivalent answer might be realizing that there is no ONE, and that there are thousands of possible men/businesses that are perfect for you. Instead of everyone having a soulmate, what if everyone has 10,000 potential soulmates - all of which would lead to your ideal life?

You're only attracted to who you're attracted to. I get it. That's how I am as well, but that sounds like the most likely reason you (and I) are in this situation.
 

Maxboost

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View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_p0rYaTzJo


Do not become this woman in the video.

Watch the video first before commentating.

Just like what MJ says about the script, MANY women are following the script and becoming MISERABLE.

EDIT: to summarize, you need to date within your range and don't be too picky. The 6ft tall CEO wash board abs has his pick of the litter and is not interested in dating a 40 year old. Just like a playboy model who isn't interested in a 5ft fat unemployed balding incel.
 

Late Bloomer

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Widower (no kids) about a decade older than you responding here.

I'd like to see if you can get all you'd like, in this lifetime.

I suspect that train might have already left the station... unless you're willing to adopt, AND to postpone intensive business launch for ten years.

I have had to come to terms with the fact that certain trains have left the station in my own life.

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to be pragmatic.

Using MJ's CENTS analysis way beyond what he put in his book...

Need: Let's suppose there is a certain percentage of men who are currently available, and who could be reachable, and who would love to make a family with you, and no health issues will come up from the late start.

Time: Time is of the essence for you, but if you get it right at this time, you could enjoy a very rewarding personal and family life for decades to come.

I agree with those who say you seem to have some unreasonable expectations.

To find someone wonderful, get to know each other, build a strong relationship, discuss life goals including family and career hopes and dreams, get engaged and use that time to get some counseling towards marriage success (MOST people have much more they could learn here from a family counselor or counseling-trained minister, and would be wise to do so), arrange any wedding more elaborate than "I've got 10 to 11 open Tuesday, let's meet at the courthouse"... That's a pretty intensive fast whirlwind courtship for a year. If all goes perfectly, it would be very challenging to complete within a year, while continuing a high power job, or making a big business launch.

MJ was clear in his book that while building the Limos site, he was not available to be a social butterfly. Did you read the part about how he had the mattress on the floor so he could wake up and start coding?

And then to have at least one healthy pregnancy at an age that's fairly late for that, bond with and raise an infant toddler if the kid's not to just be handed off to day care, and repeat if there's going to be more than one kid, all within the next few years... when there will be the time to do all that and also get a Fastlane business going? Meanwhile, cranking out corporate documents at the day job without missing a step in office politics and professional mentoring?

Scale: Well, this one applies. The whole point is to start with The Guy and then scale up your family!

Control: There are also some men who are NOT available, and no matter what you do, you can't make them available any time soon.
There are some who are NOT reachable now no matter what you do.
There are some who would NOT be compatible as a life partner.
You can't control ANY of this.
All you can do is to as efficiently as possible, get into conversations and time together with guys who conceivably could be your good match soon.

Effort: This is the part in your control.

Any marketing and sales effort has to deal with the market, what they are looking for, the competitive advantages, the positioning. "My deal isn't selling very well" is not enough information for troubleshooting promotions, even on this forum.

What makes you the great catch?
Are you generating enough leads?
Are you qualifying?
Discovering objections and how to overcome them?
Making trial closes?

If you really want to apply a business mindset to Finding True Luv, that's how you'd need to break it down!

You say that you're kind, an ambitious career climber wanting to become an entrepreneur, athletic, 40, see upper-middle-class as normal, and are into some woo-woo stuff. Your posts also show that you're literate.

Despite reading all that, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA of what kind of guy you want!!

Also, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA of why he would be eager to choose you!!

At this point if I was to write a classified ad for you it would be, "Attorney hoping to launch her own business, seeks upper middle class guy for rock climbing and to have our own children right away. Dinner or coffee is fine. Willing to postpone discussing our kids' names til the second date. Three strikes, you're out."

That's ALL I have to work with! How could any guy pass up an offer that's so unusually great for him!
 
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Dubidu

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Hi Everyone, I am 40, female and still single. I have posted elsewhere that I am a lawyer, working on my side hustle (until it becomes my full time thing). However, for the last 3 years I have tried everything I can think of to maximise my chances of meeting someone. I want to have my family. For obvious reasons, I need to prioritise this over and above the side hustle. I have tried hiring a coach (Law of Attraction principles, well-known in the media, said it worked for her, did all the exercises etc; nothing). I went to the opening of an envelope if needed, joined different gyms and moved jobs to a male dominated industry to maximise my chances. I get enough interest but haven't met The One. I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed. Is there a way to apply Fast Lane principles to finding love? Thank you to all who respond :)
 
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D

Deleted20833

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Study evolutionary psychology and learn male mating strategies...what they find attractive and what they don't

What you you will learn will be hard to swallow ;) but it'll be the truth

Then display those attractive traits to the guy/s you're interested in

Be flirtatious and a little sexually aggressive towards the guy/s you're interested in

As a rule of thumb guys like women who display youthfulness so dress younger, look younger, and act younger (be open minded, carefree, happy, fun, submissive, etc.)

That will get you into the dating stage with the guy you want

If you're super hot then most guys will be in a relationship with you just based on that but if not...
to turn it into a relationship bring something to the table other than you're looks...can you help him make money? lose weight? have more fun? etc.
 
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JohnZ123

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The harsh reality is it's a lot harder for women to find a quality mate after 30. That's why you will see women eager to settle down and getting married as soon as possible. If they don't get married in their prime then the option in mates decreases. The best looking or rich or famous male in your age bracket won't be looking at a woman past their prime in most cases. It's well known attraction isn't a choice. You want a man to make you feel attraction which requires a man to understand attraction, rapport and etc. The irony is a man armed with this knowledge has more options as well and won't settle down that easily. If you want to find a good mate without issues then overlook attraction and view your potential partner very logically. So what if he doesn't make your heart tingle? Lets say he'd be a good father and is loyal. That's a potential partner right there. Divorce rates are 40% to 50% here in North America. At this age bracket, follow your "heart" and you'll probably end up single waiting for the perfect man. That's the harsh reality a lot of women reaching late 30s go through.
 
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ZCP

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40. Picky. Self help booked. Coached by someone who also has not found a man. Has an answer for everything (and she couldn't be to blame). In a huge hurry to settle down. Wants kids now.

Wow. Who wouldn't jump at that chance?

**Relax. If it happens, it happens. Give it a chance without qualifying conditions and timelines.

If you want love, it needs room to breathe and grow. The right conditions for the spark to catch.

**If you want to meet conditions / timelines, it will have to be arranged and contracted.

Go back and read the ** above and think about them for an afternoon. Then pick a path and go.
 

adventureguru

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GENTS, a little modern-day short parable I thought I would share

Once upon a time,

A man asked a beautiful woman,

"Will you marry me? "
The woman said "NO " :arghh:

And the bloke lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER!:)

AND rode motorcycles,
AND raced cars
AND travelled the world
AND went to bars
AND progressed his business
AND dated women half his age
AND drank malt whiskey
AND craft beer,
AND didn't get dragged around shopping malls buying stupid shit you don't need every weekend
AND never heard moaning or complaints in his own castle
AND went to rock concerts
AND kept his own house
AND didn't have to give half his life efforts away in divorce
AND didn't have to pay alimony
AND saved thousands in lawyers bills £
AND kept his friends
AND his favourite jeans
AND never got cheated on while working
AND had TONS of £ cash in the bank
AND zero DEBT
AND left the toilet seat up.
:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:
~~-THE END-
~~
:clap:::clap:::clap:::clap:::clap:::clap:::clap::
 

Ayanle Farah

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I wonder what general idea you have about what sort of person "the one" is.

I would like to hear it, if you want fastlane principles to apply to love I can't think of any better than the concept of giving value to others, how are you enriching their life?

You said you get enough interest but I wonder what makes you uninterested in those who're expressing interest.
 

G-Man

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Your coach had you write a long list of everything you want in a partner. This, unfortunately, is the romance version of the "Doing what you love" business model that gets pretty roundly lampooned here. I'm going to re-iterate @MidwestLandlord slightly: Have you come up with a list of what the market wants?

Of the men that meet your punchlist requirements, do you have any data points that suggest what they look for in a partner?
 
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Ninjakid

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Buddy Guy Eh
but haven't met The One.
the-one.21734.jpg


I don't get it. You say you attract men easily,
but haven't met The One.

Are you actually dating guys to find a worthy suitor, or do you just write everyone off who doesn't live up to your checklist? Are you usually the one being rejected?

I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed.

Why do you think this qualifies you as a good partner to someone? In business terms, the market doesn't lie. If you were a hot commodity, someone would have scooped you up by now.
 

Late Bloomer

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Men feel that you are looking and searching, impassively chasing love. That can pressure them, even though you think you are not showing it. Just relax, and love will come on the least expected moment.

I think you're giving her great advice here, Virginia!

Part of my initial long comment was to point out that a "business by the numbers" approach can be a turn-off for romance. But there is a valid comparison to business here. "I'd like to become a vendor for you, because I see how I can help you," is so much more appealing than "I've GOT to get you to buy TODAY, this week at the latest, so I can afford the rent!" You might not say that to a client, but if it's in your mind, it'll come through in attitude. "I'm here to help if I can, and if you aren't interested, that's fine" is self-talk that leads to an unpressured business conversation.

And in love, "we've grown to understand and care for each other over time," is so much more appealing than "I've got a ticking clock here!" The problem is that she really does have a very tight deadline to move a guy from discovery to commitment. While most guys would appreciate their attorney pushing to make things happen as fast as possible, the same pace makes it hard to relax and enjoy getting to know someone in a way that unfolds naturally.

Edited to include Mattie's comment, which perfectly reinforces the same point.
You'd be surprised where people meet, and there is no intention of meeting. Sometimes they're standing on the golf course, sitting at a basketball game, eating dinner outside in the summer having lunch, riding their bike, hiking, or a hundred other recreation activities. They meet in cooking classes, scuba diving, sailing, the opportunities are limitless.
Right on!
 
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PureA

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Hi Everyone, I am 40, female and still single. I have posted elsewhere that I am a lawyer, working on my side hustle (until it becomes my full time thing). However, for the last 3 years I have tried everything I can think of to maximise my chances of meeting someone. I want to have my family. For obvious reasons, I need to prioritise this over and above the side hustle. I have tried hiring a coach (Law of Attraction principles, well-known in the media, said it worked for her, did all the exercises etc; nothing). I went to the opening of an envelope if needed, joined different gyms and moved jobs to a male dominated industry to maximise my chances. I get enough interest but haven't met The One. I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed. Is there a way to apply Fast Lane principles to finding love? Thank you to all who respond :)

Step 1: Find female you are curious about
Step 2: Speak to said female
Step 3: Get a date if you hit it off

Rinse and repeat.

I'd imagine you are making this a lot harder for yourself than it needs to be. The only thing stopping you is your fear of rejection. If you speak to 1000 women, you WILL hit it off with 1.

What's stopping you speaking to 1000 women?

Fear.

Go go go go go.
 

Maxboost

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Yep - am dating "within my league" and funnily enough I am surrounded by CEO's & hedgies/PE guys - a couple have expressed an interest in me too and I was reassured that of those that I know and are married, a lot a married to 'normal' women (doctors/lawyers/average looking women with their own businesses) not playboy models. I don't know what you mean by don't be too picky; I can't help who I am physically attracted to and I don't want to settle which is why I'm in the position I'm in. I'm after concrete/practical applications of FL strategies I could apply to what I want: love, marriage, a biological family of my own rather than a video on feminism...but thank you anyway.

I can tell that you didn't watch the video because because YOU ARE the girl in the video.

I can already tell by your post, you have been lied to by modern day feminism (the script) and you have no idea about the sexual market place that is taking place in todays dating world.

The video I posted will give you practical, no bullshit, no LOA nonsense if you want a REALISTIC plan if you want a husband and family. But I can already predict that you will not watch it and spend the next few years wondering "where are all the good men" are?

Don't want to sound rude and condescending but some people need to stop trying to be " the well defined man/women" and start looking at things more pragmatically when it comes to dating.
 
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AustinS28

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Is it possible you're being too picky?

I am not saying not to have standards, but sometimes consciously or subconsciously, we look for people's flaws and miss all the good stuff.

As you get older, I think you also need to be ready deal with more baggage from partners (exes, kids, routine etc.) because, life.

But you're getting advice from a single 27 year old who just reentered the dating scene so I could be completely wrong
 
D

Deleted52409

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If it makes you feel any better, my mom was 38 when I was born and my aunt was 42 when my cousin was born. I know that these are not the most optimal ages to have kids but it's not too late yet! Maybe you could go the adoption route.

Just listen to @Maxboost 's advice and know what you are getting into. If you want a relationship you'll have to lower your standards. And you will have to do what my mom did and end your career.

But think of it this way... Careers are slowlane right?

Couldn't you pursue a fastlane business while raising kids? Once they get into school you'll have at least 8 hours a day!
 
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Ray Goslin

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THE ANSWERS LIE WITHIN.

You aren't going to find it with a coach (celebrity or not). That's more guru BS. The advice that coach gave you, writing down what you want is lame. What most people say they want is not in their belief system. You can get that advice from your hairdresser. While some coaches use NLP which is an effective tool for change, it's not enough. They are strategies. You need effective tools to shift your focus at a deeper level.

You need to negotiate with your unconscious/subconscious for true answers. As a hypnotist, and with what you've shared, I know what the problem is. NB This is not the place to start doing therapy sessions.

I would suggest you find a good hypnotherapist in your area. 3 to 6 sessions will sort most things out. Make sure you are given effective tools ie. EFT, Self hypnosis, Future pacing, Affirmations (they need to be set up properly to work)
 
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Caroline888

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Dubidu, You have started very interesting thread ... many women are in similar situation like yours - including Me!
So let's think outside the box...
1st - you did all right and by the rules....BUT if it ever work it would work by now ...
2nd - looks like trying to hard... so it's about letting go too...
3rd - You completely forgot to enjoy the journey to love.
Just my 2 cents.
 
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masterneme

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Finding "the one" is a scripted trap, there isn't a single breathing human being capable of meeting the specifications of a super-idealized mental construct.

Almost everyone I know with this mentality (men and women) is alone and/or miserable.

And ironically those who weren't looking for something specific, let go of the expectations and gone with the flow ended up finding him/her.

Attraction (the real one) is simple and natural and you may be suppressing your normal "mating capabilities" because of this subconscious conditioning.

And you said someone coached you about this so I bet this has something to do with your problem.

You have been training your brain to look for someone with VERY specific traits. Which would explain why you a healthy, fairly attractive woman is only physically attracted to a handful of guys instead of many other healthy, fairly attractive men.

I've met many fat women who before gaining weight had extremely high standards and because they were hot and were surrounded by hordes of dudes they could get away with it.

What happened when they got old and/or fat? Their world felt apart because they were no longer desirable.

And many times this ends being a blessing because the experience of being "out of the market" for a while destroys all those f***ed up mental barriers.

This brainwashing is one of the reasons why the majority of divorces are initiated by women, we are just not good enough.

Of course this is just my opinion formed by some of the things you wrote, don't take it as advise. Not knowing your real situation may very well make all this post incorrect... which is fine... I'm just a man, with many flaws, like the rest.
 

TonyStark

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Use tinder.

Just kidding.

I’d say there is no equation to finding love, it finds you.

The only thing you can do is be your best self.

Also, stop chasing the illusion of the perfect man/woman, he/she does not exist.

Instead focus on finding some you’re compatible with.

People are usually illusions until you meet them.

Love means loving both their flaws and perfections.
 

loop101

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Hi Everyone, I am 40, female and still single. I have posted elsewhere that I am a lawyer, working on my side hustle (until it becomes my full time thing). However, for the last 3 years I have tried everything I can think of to maximise my chances of meeting someone. I want to have my family. For obvious reasons, I need to prioritise this over and above the side hustle. I have tried hiring a coach (Law of Attraction principles, well-known in the media, said it worked for her, did all the exercises etc; nothing). I went to the opening of an envelope if needed, joined different gyms and moved jobs to a male dominated industry to maximise my chances. I get enough interest but haven't met The One. I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed. Is there a way to apply Fast Lane principles to finding love? Thank you to all who respond :)

Fastlane is about impacting as many people as possible with a profit-enabled process. It has nothing to do with two people being in love with eachother. If you want to meet a spouse, do something you enjoy around other people, and it will happen. Unless you want to meet someone just like yourself, you may have to move out of your comfort zone. Take a sailing class, go camping, etc.
 

Ray Goslin

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Thank you for this - some of the comments have been super helpful; others less so. Can I ask how effective you found NLP? I've tried hypnotherapy (the best one where I live - it didn't work for me unfortunately and apparently some people are un-hypnotisable!) but I am curious about NLP and want to know if it can help me not only in my personal life but refine any issues in my professional life.

NLP is good, however hypnosis is better, depends on who you are doing it with. Like, someone on a back pain forum asked "What's better Physio or Osteo" The answer is neither, depends on their skill. As far as people not being hypnotizable is crap. In fact you have been hypnotised by that suggestion to believe it's true.

Everybody is being hypnotised every day by politicians, the media, the medical profession, advertising, finance gurus. It's all scripted BS. In fact FASTLANE sits perfectly with this as it sees through the mainstream crap that's being dished up every day. Amazing how so many people can be so gullible.

Hypnosis is the bypassing of the critical factor to heightened suggestibility. Hypnotherapy is doing focused, problem specific therapy in this state. I've been using it for 20 years so I've worked out the glitches. I can hypnotise anyone. In fact I do it all the time conversationally, to make people feel good.

I don't use any modality in isolation. A session with me includes Hypnosis, NLP, EFT, Regression, Re-framing, affirmations, Martial arts focus, yoga therapy, prescriptive stretching, and sometimes physical therapy. Like anything, its knowing how to put it together to be simple and effective.

The shift is quite rapid.
 
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NanoDrake

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Wow, harsh replies. There's a lot of people in this thread trying to tell you you can't because you need to:

- Be realistic
- You're too old
- Trying too hard
- Other "limiting factor"

These are not your problems, only what these people "perceive" as your problems from their point of view.Are you telling me there's not a single guy in the world who doesn't want to settle down with an in-shape, attractive, 40 year old female lawyer? Let's ignore that and focus on what you originally discussed: fastlane methodology. It is based on CENTS; control, entry, need, time, and scale.

Harsh replies but some are realistic, there is no point to encourage a behavior that so far has proven counter productive.
OP said, she gets asked to dates without problems but she doesn't get what she wants, she got asked out by fellow same league colleagues but she wants something else.

judge your own post accordingly
 

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