FindYourQuest
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- Apr 28, 2016
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Okay, so you clicked on the title, you either must be really curious (or maybe really bored? 
) or you are in the same boat as me and suffer from being a perfectionist.
Maybe that’s not the best way to explain this, because as I’ve mentioned in the title, I’m a former one, so I’m not on that boat anymore. But I used to be for the better part of my life. Just to assure you I’m going to list a few things about how I used to think about every new challenge, let me know if you find something familiar:
- I’ve used to set a goals with extremely high standards.
- There was no room for mistakes, and if I failed I was extremely hard on myself and got really gloomy.
- Even if I did manage to achieve my goals, I wasn’t happy about them.
- If I wanted to do 10 things a day and I only got 9 right, I considered it a shitty day. All-or-nothing, baby, that’s how I rolled!
-I used to procrastinate on things, just to get them “right” in the “right” time. Fun fact: In cases when I managed to get something done, it was never “right”, I’ve found mistakes and imperfections where others haven’t seen any.
The first signs of being a perfectionist showed when I was in elementary school: every time before a test I’ve wet my bed because of the anxiety that the perfectionist mindset generated. (Oh yeah, I’ve dealt with anxiety disorder too, but that’s a story for another day.)
A year ago it got so bad, I just couldn’t take it anymore and I started to see a therapist. It was probably the greatest idea of my life, I won’t get into details, because it’s impossible to fit a whole year of therapy into one post (or five for that matter). It helped me a lot and after a few months of therapy I found a book, which became my best weapon against perfectionism and anxiety next to the therapy.
That book was Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck. Basically the main idea of the book is that innate talent, abilities and most of the time even results don’t matter. What matters is our plan…
(If you don’t get the joke:
I mean what matters is process, the way you get to your goal. It was truly a revelation for me. In her research, she found, that people who believe talents and abilities are fixed (so-called ‘fixed mindset’) are tend to focus on whether they succeed or not and base their value on that. Although you can do a tremendous amount to succeed reaching your goals, but sometimes it’s simply not your fault that you fail, and to base your value and confidence on it might not be a great idea. On the other hand, people who focus on the process and what they can learn from it tend to achieve more and be less stressful. Why? Because it’s 100% in your control.
After reading the book I was thinking about that I have to share this with my fellow perfectionist/anxiety sisters and brothers! Then I put that thought aside waiting for the perfect opportunity to do it as good perfectionist would. But slowly internalizing what I’ve learned on therapy and the growth mindset, I figured, what do I have to lose? So I’ve given it some more thought and then some more…and finally came to the conclusion that I should share my story and the great idea of this book in a way that is both helpful and entertaining. So that’s how this video has born:
I’m planning on doing more book reviews on books that, at least in my opinion, have life-changing ideas. Also in the near future (a few months, creating a video like that takes a lot of time ) I’m going to do a 2-part video on anxiety disorder and depression, while reviewing a great book on that topic!
Hope you like it, please let me know if you have any question about perfectionism, the book or the Dark Knight!
) or you are in the same boat as me and suffer from being a perfectionist.Maybe that’s not the best way to explain this, because as I’ve mentioned in the title, I’m a former one, so I’m not on that boat anymore. But I used to be for the better part of my life. Just to assure you I’m going to list a few things about how I used to think about every new challenge, let me know if you find something familiar:
- I’ve used to set a goals with extremely high standards.
- There was no room for mistakes, and if I failed I was extremely hard on myself and got really gloomy.
- Even if I did manage to achieve my goals, I wasn’t happy about them.
- If I wanted to do 10 things a day and I only got 9 right, I considered it a shitty day. All-or-nothing, baby, that’s how I rolled!
-I used to procrastinate on things, just to get them “right” in the “right” time. Fun fact: In cases when I managed to get something done, it was never “right”, I’ve found mistakes and imperfections where others haven’t seen any.
The first signs of being a perfectionist showed when I was in elementary school: every time before a test I’ve wet my bed because of the anxiety that the perfectionist mindset generated. (Oh yeah, I’ve dealt with anxiety disorder too, but that’s a story for another day.)
A year ago it got so bad, I just couldn’t take it anymore and I started to see a therapist. It was probably the greatest idea of my life, I won’t get into details, because it’s impossible to fit a whole year of therapy into one post (or five for that matter). It helped me a lot and after a few months of therapy I found a book, which became my best weapon against perfectionism and anxiety next to the therapy.
That book was Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck. Basically the main idea of the book is that innate talent, abilities and most of the time even results don’t matter. What matters is our plan…
(If you don’t get the joke:
I mean what matters is process, the way you get to your goal. It was truly a revelation for me. In her research, she found, that people who believe talents and abilities are fixed (so-called ‘fixed mindset’) are tend to focus on whether they succeed or not and base their value on that. Although you can do a tremendous amount to succeed reaching your goals, but sometimes it’s simply not your fault that you fail, and to base your value and confidence on it might not be a great idea. On the other hand, people who focus on the process and what they can learn from it tend to achieve more and be less stressful. Why? Because it’s 100% in your control.
After reading the book I was thinking about that I have to share this with my fellow perfectionist/anxiety sisters and brothers! Then I put that thought aside waiting for the perfect opportunity to do it as good perfectionist would. But slowly internalizing what I’ve learned on therapy and the growth mindset, I figured, what do I have to lose? So I’ve given it some more thought and then some more…and finally came to the conclusion that I should share my story and the great idea of this book in a way that is both helpful and entertaining. So that’s how this video has born:
) I’m going to do a 2-part video on anxiety disorder and depression, while reviewing a great book on that topic!Hope you like it, please let me know if you have any question about perfectionism, the book or the Dark Knight!
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