Feeling depressed.

[Deleted74396]

General post about feeling depressed.

 

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[aeden]

You've had a rough go at it, especially if you've been the victim of abuse from another person, and I feel for you. Consider the positives:

1. You are young and it sounds like you are healthy. Live for today and tomorrow, not for the past.
2. You can weather this storm. Bad stuff happens, and must happen, for good stuff to happen. Learn from the bad stuff and use that learning to your advantage in the future.
3. You own your house (I assume). If you cannot sell it now then find other ways to increase your capital. You can still achieve your goals in other ways, as long as you keep your eyes open and your head clear.

Finally, if you have the option, consider finding a trained professional mental health expert and setting up a regular session. Talking to a human who is willing to listen is therapeutic and worth your time.

 

[Tourmaline]

If someone starts a business, fails after 3 years, loses a bunch of money, then did they waste 3 years of their life?

Or even simpler, If someone plays video games for 3 years of their life, did they waste 3 years of their life?

It's fine to have a goal, did you tie all of your sense of progress towards achieving this goal?

Life teaches us lessons, however it chooses to.

If something is to feel good or not, is more on how we perceive things and what we choose to stare at than what actually came to be.

What could you have done differently given the knowledge you only had at that time?

 

[Choate]

It seems that your goal is to sell your house to fund your fastlane plan.

Will your fastlane plan really be impacted if your house's value goes up or down by 10%? Is the worst case scenario really that bad?

The takeaway from your last 3 years is the effort and time you put in and what you learned. Some lessons can't be learned from others and we have to experience things ourselves to realize what we don't want and what to avoid.

Whatever your fastlane plan is, it seems that your energy and thoughts would be better directed to figuring out how you can move forward with that while the house sells. A lot of the fear that has been instilled in you by MSM fear mongering, recession talk, coronavirus, etc. is just that. Put up a wall to it all and focus on the things you can control as that's what will move the needle at the end of the day.

 

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[Andy Black]

I’m proud to be a forum member. What fabulous responses to someone who’s clearly trying to better themself and feeling a bit down in the dumps.

Your three years are certainly not wasted. Do an audit of all the good from the last three years, including learnings from what you currently perceive as the bad.

Regarding the property, have you considered renting it out and getting a bit of cashflow until the market is more stable? I was going to help my mum sell her house but with Brexit looming we decided to do it up, rent it, and review things in a few years.

You don’t lose until you give up. It’s just part of the rich tapestry of life....

 

[alexkuzmov]

Quick backstory if you aren't aware of my situation:
Had the goal of buying a house outright by 25.
Achieved it at 20 but the renovation ate up all my savings (eventually costing double the generous amount I'd budgeted for)
Spent 2018 working and putting everything into the renovation and supporting my boyfriend
In 2019 went through something traumatic, partner became abusive, mental health declined and lost all income.
In late 2019 started to wake up, found my way to FLF, started working on my mental health, and felt horrible about a year of mostly inaction. Realised I urgently needed to sell the house to get the capital for my fastlane plan.
Had my house evaluated and realised I could add enough value to make a profit with a couple of months housework.

Which brings me to now. The house is worth £15k more than I spent on the property and the renovation work, so I at least feel good that I have the possibility of £15k for all this time and work. The house goes on the market Monday.

And of course, it's right as disaster is hitting (Coronavirus and recession). The estate agents said more buyers bought property in January than he'd ever seen before. Now there are going to be less people buying due to the instability of the virus AND upcoming recession. I can't help but feel horrible as even the MSM is talking about a recession now.

In my area I'm looking at 2-3 months to find a buyer and 2 months conveyancing if I'm lucky. Pretty sure within that time a recession will begin :'( Leading to buyers pulling out, mortgages being declined, the house price going down, etc...

If the price goes down 10% I break even, if the price goes down as bad as 2008 or worse like many are predicting, I'm at a loss of over £30k. For two years work. And eight years work to buy this place outright.

I feel like I definitely wasted the last 2-3 years with this house, and possibly the last 5 years as if the crash is really bad I'll end up leaving with as much money as I had at 17 before I reached my goal. I feel like such a failure and I hate how unlucky I've been. I think my best friend has lung cancer too and I am likely going to make a huge regression in my life and I can't take it. I feel so sad and out of control and I can't talk to anyone about it. All people focus on is that I bought a house without a mortgage at 20, and even with a huge loss, still have more money than them. How am I supposed to feel good about any of this :'(

Nothing you`ve said makes me thing you`ve wasted 3 years of your life.
You know how to buy a property, dont you?
How to repair it or renovate it, furnish it?
You have experince dealing with brokers?
Just think of all the knowledge and experience gained from this.
That doesnt sound like waste at all.

Can you share a bit about your FL idea?
Maybe you dont need as much money as you think you do.

 

[Envision]

A recession might affect housing prices but it also might not. In 2008 the crisis was sparked by crappy mortgages from irresponsible banks.

This would have more of an effect on the worlds supply chain (which does impact housing) but not directly. I think you'll see more of a drop in company values (like Amazon and Apple are reporting) and depending on how fast it gets contained new builds might slow down. But I wouldn't really stress on it, you might come out ahead in a year or two if you held it.

 

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[GoodluckChuck]

You have a lot of time. Everything doesn't have to happen at once. It sounds like you're in a decent place and you've learned some lessons that will stick with you for life. Figuring out what kind of people to be around and which ones to avoid is hugely valuable, especially early in life.

You seem really worried about near-future possibilities but I recommend thinking longer term. Even if there is a recession in the housing market it will be temporary. A correction would be normal and brings its own opportunities. If the virus spreads, then we'll all have to take that as it comes and prepare the best we can for that possibility, but at the end of the day, we have to look forward and press on.

If you start thinking more long term these immediate problems will just look like small hurdles that need to be overcome to take another step forward. Don't get bogged down with only looking at near-term events and goals because up close they seem to be huge when they aren't.

 

[Kepler]

I think there are always a positive and a negative way to view life and the events in it.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our design for things, and forget to check our design against god’s design for us. (Im calling it god, you can call it what you like: The Universe, Yahweh, Allah, Karma, Chance, Fate, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, etc.)

We all make plans, and build ideas of the future. However when we do this and begin executing on it, without completely assessing and taking inventory of our past and the place we are at. Then we are prone to begin building our dreams on unstable ground.

Maybe that’s what this was, years in the making of pursuing a path that wasn’t catered to you or your strengths, and thus would ultimately cast you out.

Don’t get down about it though, when this happens the time has not been wasted even if it may feel like it.

You have learned much about not investing most of your eggs in one basket.

You have learned the fundamentals of what to look out for in a partner.

You have learned about taking risks only when you are in a position that win or lose your life is not adversely affected.

You have learned how not to flip a house.

You have learned the fallacy of perceived value and the dissonance between it and actual value.

You have learned how to handle and live through disappointment and heartbreak.

You have learned the difference between assets and liabilities. Assets are something actively making you money, liabilities are anything not generating money for you or costing you money to maintain.

And you have learned so much more than I can even list.

So now that god has put you in a few month time out, it might be time to take that mental inventory of all your experiences, knowledge, strengths, pathways open to you, and pray on it or mull it over. Follow your gut and not your mind, do the things you don’t want to do and everything will be alright.

I’m writing this based off my experience “wasting” almost 7 years of my life and what I learned from it all, and how much stronger it made me when moving forward in life, my faith, and doing what I’m supposed to do with my life to better it for myself, the people I love, and the world around me.

Hope this helps,


-Kepler

 

[Kepler]

Also agree with Andy black on the renting it out.

That will transform this liability into an asset that is paying back your initial investment over time, and when things are suitable to sell you will then have a profit to turn.

Houses are like stock. You only win or lose money when you sell, all losses are imaginary until you actually sell.

 

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[GravyBoat]

Don't compare yourself to anyone besides yourself.

You're much smarter and have learned some great lessons in the past 3 years. Hind sight is always 20/20. You can't foresee everything.

 

[Rabby]

Even if there's supposedly a sunk cost in there somewhere, that's in the past. What do you have right now? You have a house with some equity, and it is worth something. You haven't wasted anything.

Think about "now" and "forward." That's how you get to your goals. The only thing past expenditures are good for is learning what to do next, and what not to do anymore.

If you get a single insight from yesterday, it's not a waste.

 

[Itizn]

Everything makes sense when you look back at it

- Steve Jobs

 

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[Deleted74396]

I really, really, appreciate everyone's replies. I regretted posting this immediately but the responses were great anyway. The past week I've been getting intense bouts of depression, I think it's just the constant underlying stress I've been dealing with for over a year along with the fact my best friend is dying and none of the meds they're giving him are working. I know all this stress will be eased soon and I'm going to end the year successful again whatever happens I just find it hard to not get caught up on things outside of my control lately and right now. Life's not fair, my best friend is the only person I care about seeing me successful and happy cause he hasn't in so long and I know he wants that for me. It sucks