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Lacking grit.........How do I fix it?

Green Destiny

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Hey

I just joined the forum last night and have been reading through quite a few of the gold threads all of which have some great content, so I just want to thank everyone who has contributed to this great resource.

This is my first post and I'm afraid it's a little negative. Although I hope it will be constructive as well. A few weeks ago I read a book called "Grit: The power of Passion and perseverance". For those of you who haven't read it, it basically says that grit (made up from passion & perseverance), is way more important than talent and is the biggest factor in achieving success.

In one of the chapters it has this test where you answer some questions and then it gives you a score for how gritty you are. So i do the test trying to be as honest as possible and then I check my score. My score is pathetic, putting me in the bottom 20% of the population. I tell myself this must be some kind of mistake and retake the test, thinking very carefully about each answer. Still, I have a terrible score.

Now, I can't stop thinking about it. I've reassessed my life and all the decisions I’ve taken and I'm ashamed to admit that I do lack grit. When something gets a bit too tough or boring or I don't see the point in it any more, I give up, I have done most of my life. I've disguised these decisions with all kinds of excuses but I see now that it is a weakness of mine and something I need to fix.

I'm currently working on a prototype for a web/mobile app, it meets the CENTS criteria and I’m determined to make it a success. However, I'm really worried that when it starts to get tough, as it surely will, that I'll quit and be back at square one again.

It seems that so many of the people in this forum have so much grit, determination, hustle.......call it what you will, and I'd like to ask you all whether you were always like this or whether you had to develop it and what strategies do you use to keep yourself from quitting when it gets hard or boring or seems hopeless?

Thanks in advance for the replies.






 
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The-J

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Seems that your problem is that you still think something is missing, and without that 'thing', you'll never get to where you wanna be.

Keep working on what you're working on and don't pay the book no mind. Obstacles will come and go: just climb em. When you hit a wall, knock down the wall. When you gotta pivot, you pivot. Trust in the process, whatever your process is.

You might not ever become a millionaire. But you might, and following the CENTS/Effection will increase your probabilities as much as they can be increased.
 

Green Destiny

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Seems that your problem is that you still think something is missing, and without that 'thing', you'll never get to where you wanna be.

Keep working on what you're working on and don't pay the book no mind. Obstacles will come and go: just climb em. When you hit a wall, knock down the wall. When you gotta pivot, you pivot. Trust in the process, whatever your process is.

You might not ever become a millionaire. But you might, and following the CENTS/Effection will increase your probabilities as much as they can be increased.

I suppose what the book did was make me question whether I was cut out to succeed with my own business. In the back of my mind I have another idea that I was considering and so at the moment I'm in a situation where I'm second guessing myself a lot. Like you say I just need to commit to the process and keep going. Thanks.
 

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You have to want it more than you want to breathe.

What is the toughest challenge you have ever faced?

What if your very life depended on it? Could you do it? Would you do it?
 
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cautiouscapy

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I've reassessed my life and all the decisions I’ve taken and I'm ashamed to admit that I do lack grit

My 2c worth (because a lot of people will tell you "just keep going" but can't coach you through your own personal sticking points):

I personally think that holding this in mind (but "gently" - don't dwell on it too much, don't use it as a stick to beat yourself up with, don't make it part of your identity) will be useful, something to compare your behavior to and work on improving the "lacking grit". Until you no longer "lack grit".

I've found it immensely valuable for myself to consider that in my life so far, "I have a tendency to depression / let my self get into a depressed state".

I don't identify myself as "a depressive", but knowing that I can go that way if I don't pay attention actually helps me to pay attention to my state of mind. One day, I will know that "I used to have a tendency to let myself get depressed", it will be in the past.

Just use it as a sort of reminder to keep your eyes open for pointers on how to build determination, keep going, "get grit". Don't navel-gaze at length about it.
 

wade1mil

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One thing that has helped me overcome the "giving up" thing is to get rid of the expectations. So you have this idea for an app, and you want it to be successful. You feel like you'll give up because you think people may not like it, it didn't turn out as good as you had hoped for, it's not generating enough downloads or profit, it's taking longer than expected, etc.

If you give up, you're reinforcing the "no grit" habit. So, try continuing with it with the thought that it's just a hobby. You're not expecting it to do well. You're just doing it to see what it's like to go from the beginning of a project to the end of a project, even if that means it takes five times longer and it costs you money (instead of makes you money). Here's what you get out of this: grit. You've accomplished learning how to be gritty. You can now break through that barrier when you face it next. You know how to overcome it, and it's no longer a "problem."

If you happen to get millions of downloads and make millions of dollars, then it's a bonus. But at least you have gotten rid of the "give up" habit.
 

SteveO

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I suppose what the book did was make me question whether I was cut out to succeed with my own business. In the back of my mind I have another idea that I was considering and so at the moment I'm in a situation where I'm second guessing myself a lot.
You are running in a circular reference. You are correct that from what you describe, you don't have grit. Quit now while you are still ahead....

When something is trying to stop you from achieving your goals, alarm bells should be going off.
 
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luniac

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Hey

I just joined the forum last night and have been reading through quite a few of the gold threads all of which have some great content, so I just want to thank everyone who has contributed to this great resource.

This is my first post and I'm afraid it's a little negative. Although I hope it will be constructive as well. A few weeks ago I read a book called "Grit: The power of Passion and perseverance". For those of you who haven't read it, it basically says that grit (made up from passion & perseverance), is way more important than talent and is the biggest factor in achieving success.

In one of the chapters it has this test where you answer some questions and then it gives you a score for how gritty you are. So i do the test trying to be as honest as possible and then I check my score. My score is pathetic, putting me in the bottom 20% of the population. I tell myself this must be some kind of mistake and retake the test, thinking very carefully about each answer. Still, I have a terrible score.

Now, I can't stop thinking about it. I've reassessed my life and all the decisions I’ve taken and I'm ashamed to admit that I do lack grit. When something gets a bit too tough or boring or I don't see the point in it any more, I give up, I have done most of my life. I've disguised these decisions with all kinds of excuses but I see now that it is a weakness of mine and something I need to fix.

I'm currently working on a prototype for a web/mobile app, it meets the CENTS criteria and I’m determined to make it a success. However, I'm really worried that when it starts to get tough, as it surely will, that I'll quit and be back at square one again.

It seems that so many of the people in this forum have so much grit, determination, hustle.......call it what you will, and I'd like to ask you all whether you were always like this or whether you had to develop it and what strategies do you use to keep yourself from quitting when it gets hard or boring or seems hopeless?

Thanks in advance for the replies.







DEVELOPED
 

Green Destiny

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Thanks for all the replies. Some interesting and useful perspectives here. @SteveO I wonder if you have the time to elaborate on what you mean? You say "quit while you're ahead". I'm not ahead.......of anything. I haven't really got going yet? Also you say that "alarm bells should be going off." For me the alarm bells are going off telling me I have a weakness I need to try and improve.

Also as a side note. If you guys have 2 ideas how do you decide what 1 to go with. Assuming you can only concentrate on 1?

Thanks again.
 

Luke.

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Why do you want to build the app? What's it going to do for you? How is it going to change things?

You could have the next billionaire dollar business idea. If you don't even know what you're doing it for, you will never get it done.
 
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Green Destiny

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Why do you want to build the app? What's it going to do for you? How is it going to change things?

You could have the next billionaire dollar business idea. If you don't even know what you're doing it for, you will never get it done.

Well after reading TMF I think I have an idea that could help millions or even billions of people. It will save them time, money and improve their health. If I can execute it properly.

I want financial freedom and am willing to the price to get it.
 

Luke.

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Well after reading TMF I think I have an idea that could help millions or even billions of people. It will save them time, money and improve their health. If I can execute it properly.

I want financial freedom and am willing to the price to get it.

Are you sure you're willing to pay the price? Doesn't sound like to me that you are.

Elaborate on your idea. Write down what it will be like every step of the way. Launch, few months after, few years. Create a vision. Set goals to acheive that vision. You want a vision so big and so strong it pulls your 'gritless' a$$ out of bed every morning without even thinking about it.
 

Jean-Pierre

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I suppose what the book did was make me question whether I was cut out to succeed with my own business.

Firstly, a book cannot tell you whether you are going to be successful or not. It can tell you that these are the qualities of "successful" people but it cannot see into the future and determine yours. And secondly, success is defined differently by different people - One person might think making 1 billion dollars is success , another might think being free to make their own choices is success. Create your definition of success and work towards that and no one else's.

I haven't read the book but I did listen to an interview on the Freakanomics podcast with the author and I remember listening to the questions they asked to determine "grit" and to be honest, I was thinking the same thing as you since I theoretically got a low score as well. But then when I really thought about it I was answering those questions based on times in my life where I was not passionate about what I was doing, like school and university and my corporate job... Of course I'm not going to have any 'grit'!!! I wasn't passionate about the process or outcome. Now I'm not suggesting to only do the things you love, rather do things for the reason you love. What drives me with what I do now is that I'm doing it to live a certain lifestyle ("my success") which I am passionate about. Sure some of the things I have to do to get there are boring and monotonous but what keeps me going is that I know I'm working towards my version of success.

If I did the questionnaire again now I think I'd probably still get a low score (because I outsource anything I don't want to do) but who gives a shit, I'm successful in my world so who cares what a book told me.

But I do have a few tips for you from my own experiences:
- Don't do projects just for moneys sake and that you have no interest in or don't 100000% believe in. Some people make it work but if you already know your personality is more defensive than offensive then I'd say find another project.
- Re-learn how to learn and do things. I'm really generalising here - but I'm assuming people who give up easily are very outcome focused (I only say this because that's how I was, and still kinda am, but that's part of my journey). It's easy to say don't focus on the outcome, but that means absolutely nothing to most people, especially if you're outcome focused. Understand that the outcome is made up of many tiny little steps that anyone can learn and do, you just have to understand how to learn how to do them and how to put them together.

I'm in a situation where I'm second guessing myself a lot.
One word - Experience. There's nothing anyone can say to you to stop you from second guessing yourself. Only you can tell you-you are right (or at least make you think you're right :p). My only suggestion would be to understand the risks of your decision, minimise the risk, and then just do it - learn from it and then make the next decision. Knowing, or even better, minimising the risk takes the edge off "making the right decision" and then you spend more time doing and experiencing, and less time thinking about, thinking about making a decision. There's no secret formula to this one, you just have to experience it and figure it out for yourself.

Don't be too hard on yourself buddy. Life isn't as hard as we make it out to be and you should give yourself more credit that you think. Keep up the good work!
 
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Jon L

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I think you're WAY too worried about the opinion of some book (and random people on the internet that don't know you). The answer to that? Go do stuff. Creating a successful business can be accomplished with the following plan:

1) create a SIMPLE plan (with as few steps as possible)
2) Take action
3) evaluate your results
4) modify plan as needed and repeat

At this point, you don't know if you have grit or not. The only way to know is to get out there and keep doing stuff until you're successful. When you're successful, you'll have proven to yourself that you have grit.
 

Green Destiny

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Are you sure you're willing to pay the price? Doesn't sound like to me that you are.

Elaborate on your idea. Write down what it will be like every step of the way. Launch, few months after, few years. Create a vision. Set goals to acheive that vision. You want a vision so big and so strong it pulls your 'gritless' a$$ out of bed every morning without even thinking about it.

What do you think the price is?

I'm willing to work my a$$ off, I'm willing to look an idiot if it all goes wrong, I'm willing to come out of it with nothing if it all goes wrong,and i'm willing to try again until i get it right. Is this not enough?

I used the business model canvass to sketch the idea out, nt sure what this forum makes of that tool, but I haven't made any concreet goals. I thinks that's a really usefull idea. Thanks.
 

Green Destiny

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Firstly, a book cannot tell you whether you are going to be successful or not. It can tell you that these are the qualities of "successful" people but it cannot see into the future and determine yours. And secondly, success is defined differently by different people - One person might think making 1 billion dollars is success , another might think being free to make their own choices is success. Create your definition of success and work towards that and no one else's.

I haven't read the book but I did listen to an interview on the Freakanomics podcast with the author and I remember listening to the questions they asked to determine "grit" and to be honest, I was thinking the same thing as you since I theoretically got a low score as well. But then when I really thought about it I was answering those questions based on times in my life where I was not passionate about what I was doing, like school and university and my corporate job... Of course I'm not going to have any 'grit'!!! I wasn't passionate about the process or outcome. Now I'm not suggesting to only do the things you love, rather do things for the reason you love. What drives me with what I do now is that I'm doing it to live a certain lifestyle ("my success") which I am passionate about. Sure some of the things I have to do to get there are boring and monotonous but what keeps me going is that I know I'm working towards my version of success.

If I did the questionnaire again now I think I'd probably still get a low score (because I outsource anything I don't want to do) but who gives a shit, I'm successful in my world so who cares what a book told me.

But I do have a few tips for you from my own experiences:
- Don't do projects just for moneys sake and that you have no interest in or don't 100000% believe in. Some people make it work but if you already know your personality is more defensive than offensive then I'd say find another project.
- Re-learn how to learn and do things. I'm really generalising here - but I'm assuming people who give up easily are very outcome focused (I only say this because that's how I was, and still kinda am, but that's part of my journey). It's easy to say don't focus on the outcome, but that means absolutely nothing to most people, especially if you're outcome focused. Understand that the outcome is made up of many tiny little steps that anyone can learn and do, you just have to understand how to learn how to do them and how to put them together.


One word - Experience. There's nothing anyone can say to you to stop you from second guessing yourself. Only you can tell you-you are right (or at least make you think you're right :p). My only suggestion would be to understand the risks of your decision, minimise the risk, and then just do it - learn from it and then make the next decision. Knowing, or even better, minimising the risk takes the edge off "making the right decision" and then you spend more time doing and experiencing, and less time thinking about, thinking about making a decision. There's no secret formula to this one, you just have to experience it and figure it out for yourself.

Don't be too hard on yourself buddy. Life isn't as hard as we make it out to be and you should give yourself more credit that you think. Keep up the good work!

Read this and re-read it. Amazing advice. Thanks
 
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SteveO

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Thanks for all the replies. Some interesting and useful perspectives here. @SteveO I wonder if you have the time to elaborate on what you mean? You say "quit while you're ahead". I'm not ahead.......of anything. I haven't really got going yet? Also you say that "alarm bells should be going off." For me the alarm bells are going off telling me I have a weakness I need to try and improve.

Thanks again.

The fact that you keep questioning yourself about everything. I did not mean that you should quit. Just the thought of quitting should raise you into a "high alert" posture.

You are now telling yourself that you don't have any grit!!!!

You don't have a weakness.... unless you tell yourself that you do.

Look at the life that you have CREATED! It is a fantastic and phenomenal accomplishment. Take the judgment out of the picture. Your perception is the only aspect that is showing you weakness. Your perception is what colors your view.

The real problem here is that none of us can tell you anything that will allow you to move forward with the perception that you can accomplish. That needs to come from inside you. You have ALL the tools to make that happen if you choose to look.
 
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Green Destiny

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I think you're WAY too worried about the opinion of some book (and random people on the internet that don't know you). The answer to that? Go do stuff. Creating a successful business can be accomplished with the following plan:

1) create a SIMPLE plan (with as few steps as possible)
2) Take action
3) evaluate your results
4) modify plan as needed and repeat

At this point, you don't know if you have grit or not. The only way to know is to get out there and keep doing stuff until you're successful. When you're successful, you'll have proven to yourself that you have grit.

Thanks. It's not that I'm worried about other peoples' opinion. It's more my opinion of myself, if that makes sense.I think the book just touched a nerve. But yeah you're right. I've chosen to take a new path and it's up to me to make it a success and when I do, I would have also proven to myself I have grit.
 

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Green Destiny

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The fact that you keep questioning yourself about everything. I did not mean that you should quit. Just the thought of quitting should raise you into a "high alert" posture.

You are now telling yourself that you don't have any grit!!!!

You don't have a weakness.... unless you tell yourself that you do.

Look at the life that you have CREATED! It is a fantastic and phenomenal accomplishment. Take the judgment out of the picture. Your perception is the only aspect that is showing you weakness. Your perception is what colors your view.

The real problem here is that none of us can tell you anything that will allow you to move forward with the perception that you can accomplish. That needs to come from inside you. You have ALL the tools to make that happen if you choose to look.

Thanks man. And thanks for explaining it to me. Appreciate it.
 

mateoverano

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Great advice from Jean-Pierre.

The Freakonomics podcast on this was really good. Like, Jean-Pierre, I have not read the book, but the key takeaway for me from the podcast was that in order to have grit, you must be interested in what you are doing. You don't necessarily even have to be passionate about it, but you must find it interesting, meaning that you want to learn more about the details. Everything gets boring at some point, but those with grit tend to be interested in learning about the nuances of their subject.

The other point from the author in the podcast was that the questionairre's don't really represent us well. You can game them and the answer will change depending upon your mood or what you area of life you are thinking about it. Don't put too much stock in them.

I am a newbie to this forum and I don't have the answers, but I do think that if you are really interested in your project, you will find ways to push through obstacles and succeed so find something interesting.

Another thought is to try writing out a WOOP each day as you start. It's a simple technique to keep yourself motivated.

Wish:
Opportunity:
Obstacles:
Plan:

Here's the website: http://www.woopmylife.org/

Here's the freakonomics podcast: http://freakonomics.com/podcast/grit/

Best,

Matt

Firstly, a book cannot tell you whether you are going to be successful or not. It can tell you that these are the qualities of "successful" people but it cannot see into the future and determine yours. And secondly, success is defined differently by different people - One person might think making 1 billion dollars is success , another might think being free to make their own choices is success. Create your definition of success and work towards that and no one else's.

I haven't read the book but I did listen to an interview on the Freakanomics podcast with the author and I remember listening to the questions they asked to determine "grit" and to be honest, I was thinking the same thing as you since I theoretically got a low score as well. But then when I really thought about it I was answering those questions based on times in my life where I was not passionate about what I was doing, like school and university and my corporate job... Of course I'm not going to have any 'grit'!!! I wasn't passionate about the process or outcome. Now I'm not suggesting to only do the things you love, rather do things for the reason you love. What drives me with what I do now is that I'm doing it to live a certain lifestyle ("my success") which I am passionate about. Sure some of the things I have to do to get there are boring and monotonous but what keeps me going is that I know I'm working towards my version of success.

If I did the questionnaire again now I think I'd probably still get a low score (because I outsource anything I don't want to do) but who gives a shit, I'm successful in my world so who cares what a book told me.

But I do have a few tips for you from my own experiences:
- Don't do projects just for moneys sake and that you have no interest in or don't 100000% believe in. Some people make it work but if you already know your personality is more defensive than offensive then I'd say find another project.
- Re-learn how to learn and do things. I'm really generalising here - but I'm assuming people who give up easily are very outcome focused (I only say this because that's how I was, and still kinda am, but that's part of my journey). It's easy to say don't focus on the outcome, but that means absolutely nothing to most people, especially if you're outcome focused. Understand that the outcome is made up of many tiny little steps that anyone can learn and do, you just have to understand how to learn how to do them and how to put them together.


One word - Experience. There's nothing anyone can say to you to stop you from second guessing yourself. Only you can tell you-you are right (or at least make you think you're right :p). My only suggestion would be to understand the risks of your decision, minimise the risk, and then just do it - learn from it and then make the next decision. Knowing, or even better, minimising the risk takes the edge off "making the right decision" and then you spend more time doing and experiencing, and less time thinking about, thinking about making a decision. There's no secret formula to this one, you just have to experience it and figure it out for yourself.

Don't be too hard on yourself buddy. Life isn't as hard as we make it out to be and you should give yourself more credit that you think. Keep up the good work!
 
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TheDillon__

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Hey

I just joined the forum last night and have been reading through quite a few of the gold threads all of which have some great content, so I just want to thank everyone who has contributed to this great resource.

This is my first post and I'm afraid it's a little negative. Although I hope it will be constructive as well. A few weeks ago I read a book called "Grit: The power of Passion and perseverance". For those of you who haven't read it, it basically says that grit (made up from passion & perseverance), is way more important than talent and is the biggest factor in achieving success.

In one of the chapters it has this test where you answer some questions and then it gives you a score for how gritty you are. So i do the test trying to be as honest as possible and then I check my score. My score is pathetic, putting me in the bottom 20% of the population. I tell myself this must be some kind of mistake and retake the test, thinking very carefully about each answer. Still, I have a terrible score.

Now, I can't stop thinking about it. I've reassessed my life and all the decisions I’ve taken and I'm ashamed to admit that I do lack grit. When something gets a bit too tough or boring or I don't see the point in it any more, I give up, I have done most of my life. I've disguised these decisions with all kinds of excuses but I see now that it is a weakness of mine and something I need to fix.

I'm currently working on a prototype for a web/mobile app, it meets the CENTS criteria and I’m determined to make it a success. However, I'm really worried that when it starts to get tough, as it surely will, that I'll quit and be back at square one again.

It seems that so many of the people in this forum have so much grit, determination, hustle.......call it what you will, and I'd like to ask you all whether you were always like this or whether you had to develop it and what strategies do you use to keep yourself from quitting when it gets hard or boring or seems hopeless?

Thanks in advance for the replies.






I can appreciate the openness and vulnerability in this post, very good qualities to have.

Would you mind posting that quiz here? I think some of us would be very interested in finding our personal results.
 

Green Destiny

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Great advice from Jean-Pierre.

The Freakonomics podcast on this was really good. Like, Jean-Pierre, I have not read the book, but the key takeaway for me from the podcast was that in order to have grit, you must be interested in what you are doing. You don't necessarily even have to be passionate about it, but you must find it interesting, meaning that you want to learn more about the details. Everything gets boring at some point, but those with grit tend to be interested in learning about the nuances of their subject.

The other point from the author in the podcast was that the questionairre's don't really represent us well. You can game them and the answer will change depending upon your mood or what you area of life you are thinking about it. Don't put too much stock in them.

I am a newbie to this forum and I don't have the answers, but I do think that if you are really interested in your project, you will find ways to push through obstacles and succeed so find something interesting.

Another thought is to try writing out a WOOP each day as you start. It's a simple technique to keep yourself motivated.

Wish:
Opportunity:
Obstacles:
Plan:

Here's the website: http://www.woopmylife.org/

Here's the freakonomics podcast: http://freakonomics.com/podcast/grit/

Best,

Matt

Thanks for the insights and the links. Appreciate it.
 

Green Destiny

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I can appreciate the openness and vulnerability in this post, very good qualities to have.

Would you mind posting that quiz here? I think some of us would be very interested in finding our personal results.

Here's the link on the author's site:

http://angeladuckworth.com/grit-scale/

Might be interesting if some of you guys posted your scores?
 
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TheDillon__

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SteveO

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Ouch, that's even lower than my score. Haha.

Schadenfreude is horrible isn't it. :embarrased:
I scored a 4.7. Ten questions are not enough to determine grit IMO. You could easily answer that you move on to other projects which would lower your score. There is nothing to determine why you changed or what the results were. There are frequently reasons behind decisions. If you just change because you are bored, then it would be accurate. But they don't dig in that far.
 
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Green Destiny

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I scored a 4.7. Ten questions are not enough to determine grit IMO. You could easily answer that you move on to other projects which would lower your score. There is nothing to determine why you changed or what the results were. There are frequently reasons behind decisions. If you just change because you are bored, then it would be accurate. But they don't dig in that far.

Yeah I think that's right. I remember reading Seth Godin's book "The Dip" a while back and that was basically saying that once you have gone through that initial honeymoon period there is a long dip, where things get tough and you have to decide if the potential rewards once you're through the dip are worth the pain you endure through it. He says that a lot of times you're better off not starting things or quitting if you feel you can't become great or succeed at them and you should concentrate only on ventures that you are confident that you will be able to work through this dip and become successful.

Mediocrity is worse than quitting.

Quite an interesting read.
 

mrarcher

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Sometimes it feels like you are doing so much work and getting nowhere. It may seem like a huge task and at times you will begin to waver in interest. I believe a lot of people have the problem that they want it all now and if it doesn't work within a few weeks or on the first attempt they give up. Just remember you CAN move a mountain. You'll just have to do it one shovel full at a time.
 

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